Surviving
by Born2Be
Summary: My head is a mess. My life is a mess. My name is Santana and I am a "victim", a "survivor", I was some crazy man's prey. I'm not just me anymore, not since that night. I am constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for him to follow through with his promise: If I tell anyone; I die. AU: Santana, Shelby and Rachel as a family unit. Quintana friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: My head is a mess. My life is a mess. My name is Santana and I am a "victim", a "survivor", I was some crazy man's prey. I'm not just me anymore, not since that night. I was independent, strong willed and easy going. He took that away from me. I flinch at the hugs from my little sister and the kisses from my mom. I am constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for him to follow through with his promise: If I tell anyone; I die. - Very AU

**A/N This story is rated M for a reason, this first chapter is very graphic and may contain triggers. I do not own Glee in anyway. This is my first story and it is AU. I want to thank my amazing friend Beaner008 for her continuous support and help, if any of your readers haven't already then you most definitely need to check out her stories, especially Open Wounds. Without further adieu, please enjoy and let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 1**

My alarm blared through my room jolting me from my dream, bringing me back to reality. I slam my hand down on the clock, catch my breath and let out a grumble, "6:00 A.M. already?" I'm talking to no one but myself, "It should be illegal to be awake this early in the morning." I slowly sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes. That is when I notice her, my little sister curled up next to me. I almost forgot she had climbed into my bed last night from a scary dream.

I love watching her sleep. Her long brown hair gently falls over her peaceful face and her little feet barely pop out from under her long nightgown our mom gave her last Christmas. She sure is a pain in the ass when she wants to be, but somehow she always gets me to give her exactly what she wants.

"You can sleep through anything huh, boo?" I whisper into her ear as I pull my comforter over her sleeping form "I love you, Rach." After I've tucked in my little sister I head for my bathroom to start the awful process of getting ready for school.

My sister and I are like night and day. We are full blood sisters yet we couldn't be any more different. She is so sweet and innocent, and I… well I am not. She loves school and learning and I just go for the social aspect of it all, well that and my mom would kill me if the principle calls and says I skipped anymore classes. Rachel loves the arts and I love cheering on sports. She plays with her dolls still and I find my own guys I play Barbie with. Looking into the mirror makes me groan, I have quite a bit of work to do before the morning rush starts. Unlike my angelic sister, my hair is matted into a messy bun that resembles a bird's nest on the side of my head. My eyes are red and completed with intense dark bags underneath. Last night's mascara that I forgot to take off somehow managed to smudge across my whole face. The morning breath taste in my mouth is disgusting. "Waking up sucks. You look like a train hit you," I say to my reflection. I often talk to myself. My mom and sister always pick on me for this, but bad habits die hard right?

…...

Once I am all showered and refreshed I throw on my cheerleading uniform and put makeup on my face. Once that is done I throw my hair back into a tight pony tail as required by our coach and make my way to the kitchen.

"Santana, you need to take shorter showers. You waste so much water! Do you realize how bad that is for the environment?" My sister is sitting at the island now eating a bowl of cereal, swinging her legs back and forth on the stool.

"Yea, yea yea good morning to you too Rachel," I reply as I begin to fill the coffee pot with water.

"San, I am being serious! How many times do I have to show you all of the statistics? I think we should implement a 4 minute shower rule in this house so we can do our part to save the environment for ourselves and the future generations that follow us."

"Rachel, boo, it is 6:45 A.M. I have not had my coffee yet, can we please save the 'save the world' conversations for a better time? Or else I am going to implement a rule that says 'no talking before the sun comes up or the big sister has finished her cup of coffee, whichever comes first'.' Comprede?"

"But, I-" My sister was about to object when my mom entered the room.

"Girls, come on none of this this morning please. Boo, is your lunch packed? San did you make me a cup of coffee as well by any chance? That smells incredible." My mom is a pediatrician and a co-owner of her own practice, and is beautiful. She always is so elegant and under control. She has been this way ever since I can remember, even when our dad passed away suddenly after Rachel's birth. Shelby Lopez should be given the super woman, mom and doctor award. She walked up to Rachel and tied a ribbon into her pony tail while planting a soft kiss on the top of her head before turning to me.

"I packed her a hearty lunch last night, and here is your cup of warm yummy coffee, my wonderful mother," I give a cheeky smile in return.

My mom and sister both shoot me a look. "Sanny wants something, Mama, she's using positive adjectives in her vocabulary at 6:45 A.M."

"San, you aren't that smooth ya know? Your eight year old sister can see straight through you, what do you want?" My mom placed her hand on her hip as she sipped her coffee. Hand on the hip means business, me and my sister learned this years ago. It was time for me to tread lightly.

"Well, I was just giving you a compliment because you are an awesome mother and I don't think we tell you enough-" I was cut off again.

"Santana…" My mother warned.

"Ok, ok ok! Thanks Rach," I shoot a fake glare at my sister who gives an obnoxious smile back. "Well Ma, you see… Puck is having a party tonight for his birthday at his house. Being his girlfriend and all I kind of need to be there. I was wondering if I might possibly be allowed to... staythenightoverthere since it probably won't end until pretty late." I continue quickly not giving my mom the chance to object quite yet, "Plus, he lives 2 minutes away from school too, so the next morning we can wake up later and make it to school on time."

My mother's response was not what I expected. Her laughing at me while nudging me with her elbow, like I was making a joke or something.

Finally, she took a breath, composed herself and responded. "Let me get this straight. You want to not only go to a party on a school night, but spend the night out as well? At your boyfriend's house. A boy who refers to himself as 'Puck' or 'Puckzilla'. I'm assuming his parents won't be there, since he acts like he was raised by wolves. Is it also safe to assume that there will be underage drinking involved? Where would you sleep my lovely daughter?"

I paused and thought carefully about which question I wanted to answer, "The guest bedroom was cleaned out so I could sleep in it."

Another scoff, "Hun, I was not born yesterday. I was young once too. I'm sorry, Santana, but it is a school night. School night or no, you are not allowed to spend the night at 'Puck's' house under any circumstances, you are 16 years old. Besides, tonight is my late shift at the practice so I need you to pick up your little sister like you do every Tuesday night from ballet, and make sure she gets fed and finishes her homework before bedtime. So the answer is no, Santana. I'm sorry."

I sigh heavily, there is never fighting my mom. Once she makes a decision it is final. No ifs ands or buts. She gets "scary voice", as me and my sister call it, and everything that she says: goes. Her answer to my question was in scary voice. There was no fighting it. I used to get into fights and scream and yell and throw things, but I've learned that that just earns me a lot of time sitting in her office at work staring at the ceiling rather than going out doing what I want to do after school. Besides, I'm a teenager, I always know how to work the system, I just have to play my cards right.

"Ok Ma, I hear you, I figured it was a long shot anyway. Never hurts to ask." I give a small laugh and then look back at my mom, "I'll just go to his other party he is throwing this weekend since you already gave me permission to attend that for bringing home straight A's on my report card again."

This seemed to catch my mom off guard, she blew out a breath I'm sure she didn't realize she was holding and smiled at me, a success in my book, "I am so proud of you my daughter. This weekend will work out much better, thank you for not giving me a hard time on this this morning, I really appreciate it." However, my mom's sincerity almost killed me; I had to get out quick if I was still planning on breaking her rules and going to Puck's.

"Don't get all mushy on me Ma, it's no big deal. Rach are you all ready for school? We gotta leave now to drop you off so I can get to my early morning practice on time. Coach makes us run laps for every minute we are late, I'm not about to do that again." I walked over and gave my mom a hug and a kiss on her cheek, grabbed the car keys and my duffel bag and ushered Rachel out of the house as soon as she said bye to our mom.

…...

Once we were in my car reversing out of the drive way my sister caught my eye in my rearview mirror, "So who is going to be picking me up from dance today, Quinn or Brittany? Are you going to remember to give them money to buy me food this time?"

"I'm insulted Rach. I always take care of my little sister don't I?" I responded with a smirk.

"Last time you forgot." My little sister huffed from the back seat.

I rolled my eyes, "Ok, one time. How many times are you gonna make me say sorry?" When I got no response from her I continued, "Rachel, I REALLY want to go to Puck's party. Technically he turns 18 at midnight and I want to be there for that. You'll understand when you are my age, but can you please help a sister out? Pretty please with a cherry on top? You'd be the best sister in the whole world! I would-"

"Geez, ok! Ok! I was only trying to give you a hard time. I am a big girl now, as long as I get a ride home from dance that is all I care about. I can do my homework and put myself to bed. But let's get down to the serious stuff," She paused and smiled her mischievous smile at me into my mirror, "How much are you going to pay me to keep this from Mom? I'm thinking $20.00 is more than fair."

I couldn't help but smile back at my sister. Maybe we were more alike than I give her credit for, "Twenty it is. I'll get Britt to pick you up and bring you home on her way to the party."

I felt like school lasted longer than normal today. The teachers all talk to themselves with their backs facing the class as they write nonsense on the boards and the student body just seems to be getting more and more annoying as the years go on. Not having my boyfriend at school is always a drag but since he skips more frequently than he attends I should be used to it by now. I figured he wouldn't show up on his "birthday eve", I wouldn't either if I knew that it wouldn't get back to my mother.

Now that the final bell rang releasing us all from the hell hole also known as McKinley High School it was time to get down to business. I sent my friend Brittany a quick text reminding her to grab the thirty bucs I slipped into her locker for Rachel's dinner and bribe and thanked her again for being a life saver. Then I ran out to my car to wait for my best friend.

Finally the blonde broke through the crowd. I spotted her jogging towards my car. We have been best friends since second grade. We've been attached at the hip ever since we both tied for first place in the annual 2nd grade spelling bee. "Kickin' booty and taking names! Hi, I'm Quinn. Let's be friends!" She had said so simply to me as her congratulations. I laughed at the memory just as she arrived at my car, "Hey girl, you all set to go?"

"Hells yea! I have no clue what I'm wearing tonight so we have a lot of work to do." I responded as we peeled out of the school parking lot and headed to my house.

"So what is the game plan with project 'Escape Mama Lopez's wrath' this time? What did you tell her you were doing tonight so that you could come?" Quinn asked with raised eyebrows.

"Ha! Well, Britt is gonna grab Rachel from dance since the studio is on her way to the party and drop her off at my house. She cost me twenty bucs this time, the little shit is growing up and taking after me, gotta love that sister of mine." I giggled at the memory of the conversation with my sister earlier this morning. I continued, "So she is all taken care of. My mom won't get home from the practice until around 1:30 A.M., Tuesday's and Wednesday's she stays late to catch up on billing and crap. Since Puck told everyone the party starts at 6:00 P.M. I figured that will be more than enough time to get my drink on, mingle, give Puck his birthday gift," I wink at Quinn and she laughs as I continue, "and get home to pass out in my bed before mamacita even gets home. She'll think I was home the whole night. She'll never know."

"Damn S, look at you! You are so awesome with this. If sneaking around parents was a job you would be a professional and be makin' the big bucs!" Quinn playfully punched my arm. "So are you ready for the 'big show down'? You do have condoms right? Rule number one about sex: don't assume the guys will have them. Rule number two: ALWAYS use them, even though they always object."

"Quinn are you seriously going all 'mom' on me right now?" I giggle, "I'm a virgin, not stupid. It's not like I haven't done anything before, we've messed around. I've just been waiting for the perfect time, and Puck has been so great at not pushing it so I figured it would be a great birthday present for him. He is obviously looking forward to it. I know about condoms and don't you worry, I am totally prepared for it. I have condoms and booze packed in my duffel." I pull into the driveway of my house and we get out of the car.

"I know you aren't stupid San, I'm just attempting to be wise and shit since I'm more than knowledgeable in the subject. Plus, you are my person, I have to care and harass you, it is my job." She says as she playfully jabs me with her elbow and laughs as we head into my house. Time to get ready for the party.

We are teenage girls. Getting ready for a party is like getting ready for a royal wedding. We both took nearly 30 minute showers: primping, shaving and cleaning. We changed our outfits at least 10 times. We took another half hour to get our hair just right with the blow dryer, straightener and various products. Finally we both had our makeup bags emptied and spread out on my bathroom counter as we put on the final touches for the upcoming night. I finished my makeup faster than Quinn so I took the extra minutes to stand back and take in my final look in my full length mirror. I had to have it perfect. After all, tonight was going to be a big night!

My red dress was perfect. I've been working extra hard at practice the past few months in preparation for this dress. It is form fitting, shows off my cleavage excellently via tube top, drops down into a deep V in the back and stops mid-thigh. My mother would definitely not approve, but it isn't quite her approval I am searching for, so it serves its purpose. I put bright red lipstick on my lips to match my dress and make it all "pop" as Quinn said. My dark hair, I decided to wear down in loose curls to cover some of my exposed back and the beige heels I chose from my mother's closet added a good 4 inches to my height. I was ready. I was ready. The closer it got to the party, the more nervous I began to feel. Which is retarded right? I mean, it is just a normal party… the ending is just going to be a little different. No big. Right?

"Do you think if you stare at your reflection any longer it will change or something? What is going on? You look HOT! I told you the red lipstick was awesome!" I looked away from my reflection towards Quinn just as she refocused on her mirror to finish her mascara.

I let silence fill the room for a few seconds. What am I nervous about? I take a deep breath, "Can I ask you a question without you judging me or laughing?"

She pursed her lips together, "Depends, no promises on the no laughter though." She looks at my serious face and corrects herself, "You know I'm kidding, what is going on? I'm your best friend; I'll never judge you sweetie."

"I know. I don't know. I'm being silly. I just… sex is like this big thing you know? And I know at school I have a reputation of getting around and most guys probably assume I've had sex already but, what if I'm not as good at it as I am at… other things." I paused, "Does it….. Does it hurt?"

"San. Listen, it'll all be fine. I mean if you aren't ready then don't do it. Puck is a dick sometimes but he won't make you. Besides you could easily distract him with other activities, like you have been the past few months. For me, my first time wasn't as big of a deal as our parents make it out to be. And to answer your question, the first time… well it was… uncomfortable at first? I guess you would say? But you really just have to get through the first couple minutes and it will be awesome. I promise you." She smiled at me, "Would I ever steer you wrong? Plus, you guys are gonna be drinking, so that will calm some of your nerves. Trust me everything will be totally amazing. Stop worrying silly."

This made me feel so much better. Leave it to Quinn Fabray to get my ass in gear. I can totally do this. "Alright, alright. You are so right. I mean, look how hot I look right now," I laugh and continue, "I SO got this in the bag. Are you all set to go? It is six o'clock now so we gotta be leaving or Puck is gonna be blowing up my phone." I grab my keys.

"All set! Let's hit the road!" She walks over and looks at both of us in the mirror, her black dress making mine stand out even more. "Look at how awesome we look. This is gonna be so much fun!" She slapped my butt and walked out of my bedroom door towards the stairs.

"Ow!" I yelled after her, "I hate when you do that!" I turn off the lights to my room and grab my purse with the condoms and liquor. "Ok, Santana, let's do this," I mumble to myself, before I speed walk to catch up to my best friend. We pile into my car and head towards our destination.

…...

By the time we pull on to Puck's street it is already 6:30p.m. The party has only been happening for 30 minutes but by the looks of things you would think we were hours late. The sun was just starting to set as cooler weather started to come in. I had to park the car a couple houses down because Puck's house was already crammed with people. My boyfriend knows how to throw a party. I grab my purse and throw my keys in it as Quinn and I walk towards his house.

"So you are getting a ride home right? I have to leave around 1:00 a.m. absolute latest so I won't be able to drop you off anywhere" I say to my best friend.

"Girl, stop worrying will you? You know I'll find a guy to 'take me home' if you know what I mean," She says with a giggle.

I swat her arm playfully in response, "You are SO bad Quinn Fabray." As we walk up Puck's front walkway I notice how loud the music is. Good thing Puck's parents live in an area with limited neighbors. Good thing those neighbors are college kids. There would be no way in hell I would get away with playing music that loud in our neighborhood, old Mr. Jack, our next door neighbor, would definitely have the cops all over me by the time the first song would end. Loud music was blaring, kids lined the front porch letting out catcalls as Quinn and I strut towards the house, empty beer cans littered the front grass. This party was definitely popping. I couldn't wait to find my boyfriend.

Quinn saw one of her "buddies" on the side of the porch puffin a cigarette, she turned to me and grabbed my hand and smiled. "Alright tiger, you look HOT. Go get you some action. I'm gonna go over to Scott and see what he has to offer tonight," she smiled and winked at me as she kissed my cheek. "Get it girl!" She screamed over the music as she smacked my butt and strutted towards Scott.

I gave her a playful glare, refocused my attention to Puck's front door and headed in.

…...

Once I was inside I walked through the house saying 'hey' to all the people who were crammed into the crowded rooms and hallways, making my way to the back of the house. Puck was most likely in the den by the well-stocked bar. I clung onto my purse as I scooted between people trying my best not to get any drinks spilled on my dress before I even drink one myself. Everyone was screaming above the music trying to have conversations, everyone had a drink in their hand and was on the verge of getting sloppy. This was what I loved. I love partying. I finally got to the bar and found my boyfriend taking a shot with three of his best friends. I wrap my arms around his tight back and swing around so I am in front of him.

"Heeeeeeey! There is my baby! I was wonderin' when you would sssshow up!" He pulled me close to him so I could feel all his tight muscles against my body and pulled me into a long hot sloppy kiss. I could taste the tequila on his tongue.

I pulled back slowly with a smile on my face and take my thumb to wipe off my red lipstick from his mouth, "Hey sexy, Happy almost birthday."

Puck pulled me in tighter as he grabbed my ass. "You. You look soooooooo incredible baby!" he yelled above the music and smiled down at me before his head shot up to his friend next to him. He waved his arm around as he staggered into me a little, "Letsss get my girl a shot! She needsss to play catch up!" Puck was already starting to slur his words, I definitely was behind. I appreciated the cold overfilled shot glass that his friend Finn pushed into my hand.

"Here is to an awesome night with my awesome boyfriend!" I yell as we all clank our shots, sending drops of tequila all over the bar and floor. I love tequila. It burns so good as it travels down to your stomach. "Woo!" That was a huge shot, my lips were tingling. I pull Puck into another mini make out session, tasting the tequila on his breath again. This is what life is about. Partying, music, drinking and fun. This was going to be a great night.

Puck's house was hot before we started dancing, so thirty minutes and one more shot later I was dying. We decided to head over to the keg so Puck could show off how awesome he was at keg stands and I could get a nice cold cup of beer to cool me off. We passed Quinn making out with Scott in the hallway as we made our way to the keg. I couldn't help but giggle. Oh the days of being single. Just before we made it to the kitchen, where the kegerator was kept, my purse was knocked out of my hand for what felt like the hundredth time. Bad idea bringing it into the overcrowded party. I groaned in frustration. Stupid purse.

"Why don't you go put that shhhhhit in your carrr babe? Itsss getting on my nervessss." Puck's head bobbed as he talked. He was definitely drunk, but had a good point. "I'm gonna be overrr here by this wonderfulll beautiful piece of metal that holdssss allllllllllll my beer. Come find me laterrr whenever kay?"

I leaned up and kissed his lips, leaving my red lipstick behind this time. "Okay babe, will do. Be good! I'll be back," I winked as I turned and pushed my way through the crowd again towards the direction of my car.

I looked down at my cellphone when I got outside as I walked to my car, it was 7:02 P.M. So far so good. Rachel's dance class would be ending in fifteen minutes, so Britt should be getting here within the next hour. It will work out perfectly, when Britt gets here I'll take a shot with her and then I should be pretty good. I don't want to get too drunk tonight since I have other plans I need to accomplish and a deadline to accomplish that plan by, not to mention I do have to drive home. I put my cell phone back into my purse and zip it up walking up to my car door. It is nearly dark now as the sky shines that weird orange purple right before nightfall. If the music wasn't so loud it would be a peaceful sight just over the woods that reside right behind Puck and his two neighbors houses. I sigh and set my full cup of beer on top of my car and reach for my purse to get my keys. These damn heels are already hurting; I don't know how my mom wears them all day at work.

Suddenly, I felt a hand clamp over my mouth as I was pushed into my car door from behind. I tried to scream but only muffled noises came out just before I felt a sharp searing pain shoot through my side and down my spine. I screamed again as I was flipped around to face my attacker. It was some man I have never seen before; he looked like he was probably in college. He was much taller than me, even with my heels, and had short dark hair. Before I could take any more of his features in he punched me again, this time in my stomach, forcing me to bend over in pain. This gave him the opportunity to grab a handful of my hair and yank me away from my car. He clamped his other hand over my mouth again as he continued to drag me between two houses and into the dark woods that covered the area behind Puck's neighborhood.

I couldn't stay on my feet. My purse still hung from my shoulder flying wildly back and forth. The wind was knocked out of me and I couldn't seem to catch my breath again from the blows to my kidney and stomach. I was panicking but I didn't know what to do. What do I do? My heel got stuck in the dirt and snapped off my right shoe making it even harder to try to get my balance as he jerked me back into the darkness. My head was pounding, he definitely was tearing out a good chunk of my hair, but that was the least of my worries. I had to get out of this. Nothing good ever happened in the woods with strangers in the movies. Suddenly I was thrown to the ground harshly, breaking my thoughts. I instantly started clawing at the dirt and branches trying to get up so I can run as fast as I could to Puck's. He was just a few houses down. The music from his party flooded through the woods.

Then a swift harsh blow to my stomach brought me right back down, face first into the dirt. I coughed as I tried to get a hold of my breath just as he brought his foot back again and planted another kick right into the same spot as before. I was crying now. What was happening? He got on top of me and flipped me to my back holding tightly to my left arm, his face right above me. I swung my free arm directly into the side of his head. This barely did anything.

"You bitch!" He screamed. He grabbed my other wrist with his one hand leaving me completely helpless as he made a fist with the other pulling it back and punching me right in my face. My vision blurred out in my right eye for a minute and the searing pain instantly pulsed in my face. I yelled out in pain. "Keep yelling bitch, no one will hear you." He chuckled.

I struggled as I tried to get my wrists free and kicked my legs to get him off of my midsection. It did nothing but piss him off. Another blow to my face, only this time my mouth filled with the awful taste of metal as blood gushed from my lip. "Stop squirming! You are just making this harder for yourself."

I paused as I trembled under his weight. His giant tiger tattoo staring me in the eyes from his forearm that was holding my wrists. "Wh-wh-why are y-y-y-you doing this?" I stutter as I spit out some blood. "Please. P-p-please…. Let me go. I'll give you my p-p-purse, just please s-s-s-st-stop." My whole body is aching. My vision is clouding with my tears. I taste nothing but blood. My face is pounding.

"I don't want your money. I want so much more than that. I just love it when hot chicks are under me begging me to stop." He smiled as my eyes widened in realization and fear, "That's why I'm doing this." He stroked my face with his free hand which made me turn my head in attempt to get away from his touch. He didn't like that. He slammed both of my wrists above my head and used his other hand to grab my chin and force me to look at him. "Now you are going to like this. I won't stop until you like this, you understand me? I can last a while. I can go over and over. I will make you cum. Eventually." I automatically start crying harder and my whole body is trembling as he continues, "So do your best to enjoy." He finishes with a horrible cackle. A laugh that will haunt me the rest of my life.

This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This wasn't how I was supposed to lose my virginity. This can't be happening.

Suddenly he rips my tube top dress down exposing my breasts. I watch and tremble as he takes in the sight and smiles, which sends another shiver down my spine. I cry out. "NO! PLEASE! Help me!" My attacker ignores me as I feel his warm mouth take in one of my nipples. He moans as I squirm underneath him. He moves over to my other breast and flicks his tongue all over the other nipple. I struggle harder and manage to get my knee to hit his back causing him to wince.

"You whore!" He takes his free hand and reaches behind him to hold down my leg. He takes one of my breasts in his mouth and bites down hard, causing me to scream out in searing pain. "Kick me again. I dare you." He says above my yells.

I keep crying out, begging for help. Begging for him to stop as he continues his assault with his mouth on my breasts. However, with Puck's loud party my screams aren't doing much of anything except making my throat start to ache as well. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This isn't what happened to girls like me.

Suddenly I felt him shift his weight, before I could respond I felt his hand slip under my short dress. I screamed out again as I felt him move my thong to the side and cup me in his hand. He slowly dragged his fingers along my folds before he removed his hand and spoke. "You aren't wet yet. What did I tell you? We could be here a long time if you want." He paused then continued with a creepy smile on his face, "I know something you won't be able to resist."

I couldn't control my sobs. This wasn't happening. How could this be happening? I was trembling so much, my voice was already horse. He brought my already sore wrists from above my head to my stomach as he scooted further down on me. He used his free hand to rip my dress higher up fully exposing my lower half. He ripped off my thong in one fluid motion. I screamed, again. Next thing I knew, in one swift motion my attacker hiked one of my legs up over his shoulder and lowered his face between my legs while holding my wrists firmly together in his other hand. I knew what this meant. I freaked and bucked my body upward trying to get as far away from his face as I could, in the process I managed to knock him off balance causing him to fumble to the side for a split second. It wasn't enough for me to even get one wrist free. He was back on top of me, a couple inches from my face, this time with a small blade pressed against my throat as a warning, "I SAID enjoy this, WHORE! Don't fuck with me or I'll really give you something to cry about," he pressed the knife in a little pricking my skin, "Comprede?" I swiftly nodded a slight nod to indicate that I wouldn't try anything stupid again. This isn't how I was going to die. It couldn't be.

Once he was satisfied with my fear of his blade he resumed the position he was previously in, setting the knife next to his knee, out of reach from me. Without warning he took my clit in his mouth and started sucking feverishly at it. My back arched and a moan escaped my lips. What was happening? No. No no no no. He chuckled as he continues to pull me further into his mouth, swirling his tongue around, taking in my body's immediate reaction. In this exact moment, I hated my body. How could this be happening? Why am I moaning? I try to keep my mouth clamped shut to mask my natural noises, I won't give him the satisfaction. Then he unexpectedly pushes his tongue deep into me and brings his free hand to massage my sensitive nub. He continues assaulting me with his tongue over and over, causing my back to arch and my face to sweat. A tingling in my stomach quickly follows his actions. No. No. Please no. I keep repeating in my head, but it isn't doing any good. My body actually likes this.

He picks his face up and looks me in the eyes as he smiles, "You taste so great. I told you you wouldn't be able to resist liking this. I work miracles with my tongue don't I?" I let out a sob in return and turn my face to the side staring at the tree next to me, trying to get away from this moment. "You are so wet." He says as he brings his free hand back down to my core. He dips a finger deep inside me, watching my face as I close my eyes. I can almost hear him grin in satisfaction.

He pumps it in and out, quickening his pace as he uses his thumb to massage my clit. I bite my busted lip to keep from moaning out loudly, but it did no good. A long loud moan escapes my mouth before I could even think about holding it back. This causes him to add another finger with his rapid pace. I start screaming out again for help, but it is no use. No one can hear me. The tingling in my stomach intensifies, I know what this means. My breath hitches in my chest as I try to breathe through my sobs and moans. Everything is out of my control. So far out of my control.

Suddenly he pulls his fingers out of me and holds them close to my face. I try to push my head deeper into the dirt to get away from his hand. "See how ready you are? It's about that time." I watch as he slowly gets this huge smile on his face as he takes in my obvious look of complete horror.

"No! Please! No! Don't!" I sob back to him.

He wipes his hand on my dress and then reaches for his belt. I slam my eyes closed and find the will to fight again. This can't happen. Please. I start screaming as loud as I can, my voice is completely hoarse by this point but I need to try. I can't let this happen. He is holding both my wrists down, has my leg over his shoulder while he holds down my other leg to keep it from thrashing. I can't get away. I hear the zipper of his jeans unzip and his belt jingle as he pulls down his pants and exposes himself.

I close my eyes tight. I don't want to see it. This is it. I can't do this. I can't be here, "P-p-lease d-d-don't-t" I desperately try to plead with him between sobs one last time. It is no use. I feel him at my entrance. Without warning he plunges into me. I let out an ear piercing scream, tears pour from my eyes. All of a sudden the pain in my eye and the pain in my lip and side have vanished. All I can feel is him tearing me apart. It is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I know blood is seeping down my legs and into the dirt. He keeps pumping in and out of me for what seems like an eternity. I start to get light headed from crying, holding my breath and all the pain.

He eventually starts alternating between a slower pace and his initial rapid pace. He takes his free hand and starts rolling his fingers over my sensitive nub again. The tingling in my stomach returned, only more intense this time than the last. No. No no no. Please don't. I'm pleading with my body, but after a while it is no use. I feel my body clamp tightly around him. My back arches and a muffled cry turns into a long loud moan. It's happening. My body is betraying me. Spasms run through my body. Then I feel him release as he moans loudly into my neck.

I hold my breath. He pulls out of me. It's done. He is lying on top of me trying to catch his breath as I try to hold as still as I can. He just…. He… I'm not… I'm not a virgin anymore. I can't control it, I turn my head to the side and sob uncontrollably. I don't even realize he has let go of my wrists and stood up to pull his pants back on. I'm lying on my side in fetal position sobbing into the dirt, I feel all the pain at once. My whole body aches. I don't hear him walk around me to my purse as he rifles through my stuff. I feel a sharp pain as he grabs a handful of my hair again and drags me into a sitting position right underneath his face as he is crouched next to me. I scream, he grabs my chin while still holding my hair tight, "Look at me whore." My eyes are still shut as I cry which makes him shake my head causing more pain, "I said LOOK AT ME!" I open my eyes hesitantly.

He shoves my driver's license in my face. His extremely short bitten nails covered most of my picture with his big hand. I'm confused, the pain that I'm experiencing is making it hard to pay attention. He then begins to speak as he pulls my license back to look at it, "I'm taking this. Santana Lopez of 2319 Prescott Street. If you tell anyone about our fun time or if anyone finds out because you don't cover it up well enough… I will come back for more. But the next time? I'll kill you afterwards. I know exactly where you live now. Comprende Santana?"

I didn't know what to say. What was he saying? I couldn't focus. I was just… He just… and now he said he'll kill me? What is happening? How is this happening? Suddenly I feel him jerk my hair tighter as I feel the knife at my throat again. I screech and begin to whimper, trying very hard not to move as I feel the cool blade on my skin.

"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION! Answer me whore!" he presses the knife a little harder, splitting my skin in the process. I nod my head as best as I can as I shake in complete fear. "Good girl," he looked down at me, "Oh, and you are welcome. I told you that you would love it. The way your back arched and the noises you made definitely proved me right, wouldn't you agree?" He smiled as he pulled my hair tighter yet again, forcing me to nod again despite my pain and internal objections. "Always remember that. You wanted it." He chuckled, then his mouth formed a straight line, his face was serious and scary.

Fresh tears continued to stream out of my burning eyes. It was true. I had wanted it. My body liked it. "I'll be watching you, whore. Keep your mouth shut or else." Next thing I knew he raised his fist and slammed it into my face again, in the same spot as before.

My world went black.

…...

Brittany pulled onto the street of the party and couldn't believe how many cars were packed onto the street. The music was blaring, kids were screaming and laughing. This party was definitely a success. She tried calling Santana's phone a couple times seeing that her car was still there, but she didn't answer.

"Must be getting busy" Brittany laughed to herself as she sent a quick text to San and put her phone in her purse. The tall blonde decided to search for Quinn since she couldn't get a hold of Santana. She pushed her way through the crowded hallways in search for her friends. It took her awhile to make her way through the house, everyone was there yet she couldn't find anyone she was looking for.

"Puck! Puck! Puck! Puck!" Brittany heard chanting from the kitchen and smiled to herself, of course the last room she checked would be where they were. She walked into the kitchen to see her friend's boyfriend being held upside down doing a keg stand. By the looks of everyone around him, you could tell it wasn't his first one. Everyone was plastered.

As soon as Puck was set back onto his feet he stumbled back and leaned against the wall laughing while wiping beer from his mouth and neck. "Puck! Hey! Happy birthday! Where is San?" Brittany grabbed Puck's arm steadying him as he prepared to stop leaning on the wall.

"Hey Britt Brat! Wassss going onnnn?" Puck smiled sloppily.

Brittany laughed at him, "You are so drunk. Where is San? I'm looking for her."

"I dunno. Shes probsss with whatshername. blonde. short..."

"Quinn?"

"YEA! duh!" Puck laughed at himself while stumbling backwards, "She hasn't been here for a while," He hiccuped and then continued, "I think shes with her prolllllly dancingggg somewhere." Puck looked back at his guy friends and pumped his fist in the air, "LETS GO AGAIN!" Puck was done with the conversation, he wanted to do another keg stand.

Brittany took a step away from him. Now she needed to go search for Quinn and Santana. She just wanted to find her friends so she could start enjoying herself, so where were they?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

My eyes flutter open, but I don't move. What happened? My head is pounding. I turn my head to the side and see my purse spilled out onto the dirt. I furrow my eyebrows, "What?" I say to myself. I'm freezing, it is cold. I try to prop myself up on my elbows only to be greeted with a rush of pain from my stomach and from... "NO!"

No no no no no! It all comes back to me now. I fly back to the ground on my back wincing in pain. I remember. Everything. The memories, the pain. I feel his touches all over me, the inside of my thighs are sticky with dried blood and his and my… I can't finish the thought, I turn on my side and begin to throw up. My stomach is burning with every heave. I can taste blood in my mouth, my lip is bleeding again. More tears begin to pour out of my eyes as the effects of everything rushes down on me at once.

My stomach hurts so bad. Why does it hurt this bad? I lift my head up, wincing from the crunching motion my stomach had to make in the movement and let out a horrified screech. My breath is knocked out of my lungs. I slowly bring my hand to my stomach and tenderly survey the damage. It is filled with thin deep cuts and caked in clotting blood. What did he do to me? My hand outlines the first….letter? "W?" I say out loud again with a shaky breath. Realization hit me. Hard. I start bawling again. It is the only thing I know how to do in this moment. I turn to the side and throw up yet again, tasting the tequila that I consumed moments before… before… this happened.

I start thinking about everything. My face hurt, my eye and lip, I remember watching the tiger tattoo coming down to hit me. My wrists were already starting to bruise from his large stubby finger nailed hands. My dress was bunched up over my breasts now. My right breast was bleeding and in pain from where he bit me. My stomach…. My stomach was beginning to bruise and was throbbing…it was covered in wet and dried blood from where he carved "W-H-O-R-E" into it. My… I…I felt like my lower half was torn apart. My hamstrings ached from him stretching my legs so far….apart. I dry heaved as the memories all flashed back which only aggravated all my wounds more. That is when it hit me. His promise.

"Oh my god. Oh my god…. No. I-I-I-I can't d-d-o this." I begin to cry, surprised that my tear ducts haven't dried out by now. Why me? How? How am I supposed to hide this? What time was it? "SHIT!" My hoarse voice tried to scream. What time was it? It was dark outside. How long…how long was I… like this? How long did it… take. Despite my body's objections I push myself to my knees and rummage through the dirt until I find my cellphone. It was 9:33 P.M. I had two missed calls from Brittany and a text: "I'm here! Where ya at?"

I have to get home. I have to shower. I need to figure out what I am going to do. He….he… took my license. He knows where I live. Where my mom and sister live. I need to clean up somehow before my Mom gets home. I slowly grab my keys from the dirt and my cellphone, forget the other stuff it isn't important anymore. I need to get away from here. I can't. I just can't. I slowly push myself to a kneeling position. My entire body objects but I need to get home so I continue pushing myself up as gently as I can onto my wobbly legs. My right heel was broken off…when he first dragged me back into the woods. The broken heel makes standing even more difficult. I slowly pull down my dress over my carved stomach and down my thighs, trying to cover as much of my body as I can with the torn skimpy dress wincing during the entire process as I manage to hit every painful spot along the way.

Once I am tired of trying to make the dress longer, I slowly limp my way to the car, thankful that nobody is near to see me like this. My beer sat undisturbed on the roof of my car. Taunting me. Like nothing ever happened. I slowly and carefully slide into my car seat. Sitting is excruciating. My lower half is practically screaming in protest along with my stomach which is slowly making my red dress darker with blood. I need to get home. I need to shower. I need to get home. Through my tears I watch the road as I pull away and head towards the direction of my house.

My beer fell off the roof, spilling onto my front windshield as I turned from the street. I turn on my windshield wipers trying to wipe it all away. I need to wipe it all away and leave it behind me.

There can't be a trace left.

…...

Brittany pushed through the crowd to continue her search for her friends. Finally she saw the familiar blonde hair of her friend's head. "Quinn! Quinn!" She yelled out towards her friend, but with the loud music and screaming people nothing could be heard. She pushed her way closer to Quinn and realized that her friend was a bit occupied. Quinn was sitting on Scott McPherson's lap in the middle of a heavy make out session.

"Oh boy," Brittany said to herself as she was standing in front of the two. She tapped her friend on the shoulder, "Sorry to interrupt..."

Quinn pulled away from Scott and looked over her shoulder, "Britt! Hey!" She stood up quickly from straddling the boy and smoothed out her hair. "What is going on?" She stood up on her toes to kiss her friend's cheek in greeting.

"Um..I was just looking for S, Puck said she was with you?"

Quinn furrowed her eyebrows, "No? She was with him?"

"That's weird. Will you help me look for her? Her car was still parked out front when I made my way in and she isn't answering her phone." Brittany asked. "She is probably freaking out somewhere overthinking her plans for tonight with Puck." She giggled at herself, "You don't need to help me look. You could go back to your..." She looked around Quinn at the boy who was sitting still, waiting eagerly for Quinn to sit back down, "...hottie."

"Don't be silly. Of course I'll help you look for San. I'll go check out front again to make sure her car is still there. Maybe you can check the backyard?" Quinn suggested, taking charge.

Brittany nodded and turned around to fight the crowd, heading back towards the back yard.

Quinn turned back towards Scott, "I'll uh... call you later?" She didn't wait for a response before she headed towards the front door.

When she made it to the front door she instantly felt the chilly breeze rush over her skin. She didn't even realize how hot the house had been with all the people in there. Suddenly she noticed Santana's car driving away from the house down the street. What was going on? She quickly grabbed her cellphone and hit her speed dial. The phone rang a couple times before going to Santana's voicemail. What the heck? Maybe Mama Lopez got home early? She called Santana's phone again, and again was directed to leave a voicemail. She slammed her phone closed as she watched Santana turn off the street and drive out of sight. Something wasn't right. She had to find Brittany.

It took her awhile to find Brittany in the mass of people that filled the house. She updated her on what she saw and convinced her to drive them both to the Lopez house to make sure everything was ok.

Something wasn't right. She just knew it. She had a feeling.

…...

I pulled into my front drive way and put my car in park. How was I supposed to do this? I looked at my clock, "10:16" I say out loud. Rachel usually goes to bed around 9:45 P.M. I walk up my front porch as quietly and carefully as I can, thankful for the railing. I don't know how I could have made it up the steps without it to cling onto.

My body ached with every step I took. "Please let Rachel be in bed. Please please please," I say a whispered payer before putting my key into the front door and slowly opening it. The hallway lights were off, the TV was off, and the kitchen seemed to be lit only by the nighttime dim light that my mother got us all in the habit of leaving on overnight. The house was completely silent. I slowly walked inside and was careful to close the door lightly. I took a few steps forward, Click clack click, I paused. My heels on the hardwood echoed down the silent hallway, so I bent down as easily as I could to take them off. In the process my stomach folded on top of itself causing my broken jagged skin to rub against itself, I accidentally let out a loud hiss as fresh tears popped to my burning eyes. I groaned internally: Shut up San, Rachel CANNOT wake up. You can do this. Tears slowly fell down my cheeks. I need my shower. After leaving my heels by the door I slowly and painfully made my way up the stairs and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me.

I survey my room as I lean up against the door for support. I have shoes lying on the floor all over my room. My dirty clothes bin is full with my Cheerio's uniform on top. Six or seven dresses were tossed carelessly on my desk in the 'not sexy enough for Puck's party' pile from when Quinn and I were deciding what I should wear. My tears come more heavily now that I am secured in the safety of my own empty room. I slowly make my way to my bathroom. I step inside and lock the door. Breathe. I stand in front of my full length mirror and take a deep breath before flicking on the light.

I instantly shoot to the toilet to empty my stomach yet again. The sight of me: all the blood and dirt caked all over my body, hair matted, makeup streaming down my face, the once bright red skin tight dress all dirty, blood soaked and torn. It was all too much. Every time I dry heaved into my toilet I felt more pain surface to my stomach and in between my thighs... I need to get in the shower. I need to get him off of me.

I slowly make my way over to the shower. I've never been more thankful for my bathroom having a walk in gym-like shower versus having a tub than I am now. I don't think I could lift my legs anymore to step over another edge. The stairs were too much. I turn on the shower and steam slowly starts building up on the mirrors. Removing what was left of my dress took so much of the little strength I had left and time. My eyes were burning from all the tears they've shed. My stomach was pulsing from all the dirt that made its way into my jagged cut up bruising flesh. In between my legs ached and stung from his rough movements. My eye was already beginning to bruise and the taste of blood still lingered in my mouth from my split lip. I slowly reached to pull back the curtain and notice that my wrist was covered in bruises as well. I shook my head, I am a complete mess.

I gently step into my shower and let out a sharp hiss when the water makes contact with my skin. I hurt everywhere, but this pain is welcoming. I need his scent off me. I need the dirt from that place to be washed down the drain. I need for my legs to be free of the sticky mess he...and I...left behind. My legs feel so weak. I gently lower myself to the tiled floor, propping my back up against the cool wall. I zone out as I watch all the filth and blood mix with the water and swirl down the drain. His voice starts filling my head.

_"I SAID enjoy this, WHORE! Don't fuck with me or I'll really give you something to cry about."_

_"I just love it when hot chicks are under me begging me to stop."_

_"I won't stop until you like this, you understand me? ...I will make you cum."_

I feel nauseous again. I set my head back against the wet tile and start to cry. This happened? This really happened? I...I liked it. He was right. Damn it...I start sobbing, letting the warm water rush over me and drown out the noise.

…...

Quinn and Brittany pulled into the driveway of their friend's house. "The light in her room is on, I'm going to call her so we don't knock and wake up Rach," Quinn informed the other blonde as she pulled out her phone and dialed San's number. Santana's voicemail kicked in. She pulled her phone back away from her ear and looked at it with furrowed eyebrows. "No answer..."

"So, should we just go home? Or I mean...we can knock?" Brittany questioned.

Quinn looked back at Brittany and then back up at Santana's window. Her light was on, her mom's car wasn't in the driveway and she wasn't answering the phone. Something was going on. Going home wasn't an option. She needed to see her best friend, but she didn't want to wake up Rachel either. Quinn looked towards the front door and then a lightbulb went off in her head, "No I have a better idea. Come on," Quinn opened the car door and hopped out. "Follow me."

Quinn had a gut feeling. She knew San wouldn't leave the party without saying goodbye unless something was wrong. Pulling into the driveway and seeing that Mama Lopez's car wasn't there only made Quinn's stomach knot up more. Being best friends with Santana for 8 years, she knew that the Lopez's kept a hide-a-key under the turtle statue in the front garden. Santana forgot her keys so many times that Shelby went out and bought the turtle to put the extra key in for emergencies so she didn't have to leave work every time Santana was forgetful. Quinn walked up to the turtle and flipped its shell over revealing the key.

"Sweet! A hide-a-key!" Brittany smiled at their success as she followed Quinn to the front door.

Quinn quietly unlocked the door and entered the quiet house. She looked down next to the door and saw San's heels, dirty and broken? Her heart started beating faster. She rushed up the stairs without warning, she needed to see her best friend. Something was wrong, she just knew it.

Brittany watched Quinn take the stairs two at a time. She shrugged her shoulders, grabbed the carelessly discarded heels and slowly walked up the stairs after her friend. They were both surprised when they got to their friends room and found it empty.

"S is taking a shower," Brittany pointed to the closed bathroom door as the sound of the shower just seemed to fill their ears. The tall blonde threw the broken heels into Santana's messy closet and pulled the door closed.

Quinn walked up to the door and attempted to barge into the bathroom demanding that Santana explain herself. Her face met the door to her surprise when the door didn't swing open like she expected it to. She jiggled the handle. It was locked. San never locked the bathroom door. She knocked on the door. No answer. She knocked louder. Nothing.

"Shh! Quinn you are going to wake Rachel. I don't know about you but I definitely don't have any money to give her to stay quiet about us being here." Brittany said grabbing Quinn's shoulder. At that moment the water turned off. "Look see? She is done with her shower, lets just wait. She'll be out soon. Take a chill pill. Maybe she just wasn't feeling well."

Quinn sighed. Brittany was right, they didn't need Rachel waking up. The two blondes leaned up against the wall next to the door and waited.

…...

I gently wrapped my long robe around me, carefully tying it tight enough to ensure it stayed closed but loose enough to not aggravate my throbbing stomach. My eyes never leave the mirror. I had been staring at it for a while now.

"Santana." Knock. Knock. Knock. "Santana Lopez, open this door." My friend's voices call through the door accompanied by more knocks. Why are they here? Their voices sound so concerned. What am I going to tell them? I continue to stare at myself in my mirror. How did I let this happen? I feel paralyzed and catatonic.

"Santana, we know you are in there and that you are done showering. You have been for a while. Open. The damn. Door." Quinn is getting angry. She gets mad when she is nervous. Me not answering is making her nervous. I'm going to have to face her sooner or later, and if I make it later she'll definitely know something happened. I can't tell anyone…he said… he.. he took my license. Shit. More tears surface. Great.

I find my voice, "I'm fine. Go away." My voice is hoarse from all the crying and screaming.

"No chance in hell. Open the door before I break it down." Quinn is on a mission. She gets like this, especially when she knows something isn't right.

I wipe my face, check my robe one more time, making sure my wrists are covered and slowly open the door. I was met with shocked gasps from Brittany and Quinn.

I instantly look downward. I'm completely ashamed. My face is bruised already, my lip is busted and swollen; my friend's horrified gasps made me want to curl in a ball and die even more so than I felt ten seconds ago. I can't pull this off.

"I'll kill you," his words ring through my head. I will the tears back into my eyes that resurfaced. I need to pull this off.

Quinn rushes to my side and pulls me into a tight hug before I can protest. My entire body is throbbing, I wasn't able to contain my gasp of pain nor my flinch. She pulls back quickly and begins scanning me with her eyes. I look at Brittany in an attempt to hide mine from hers. I haven't known Brittany that long. We've been friends just over a year, she is an awesome person and a fun friend, but Quinn is my person. She is my best friend and has been for literally half my life. One look into my eyes and I feel like she'll be able to tell what I won't be able to say. What I can't say.

Brittany is standing with her mouth wide open in shock watching the scene unfold before her. I divert my eyes downward again. "S, what happened?" Brittany managed to say, beating Quinn to the obvious question on their minds.

I look up to see both of them staring intently at me, waiting on pins and needles to hear my explanation for my sudden departure and my obvious problems. I open my mouth to speak, but I can't find the right words to come out. I didn't go into this with a plan. I'm freaking out. My heart is racing. I keep alternating my gaze from Brittany's confused face to Quinn's worried one.

"San?" I hear Quinn. She is holding me lightly around my upper arm.

"You look like you were someone's punching bag." Brittany said blatantly. Her face was shocked at her statement as soon as the words left her mouth. She threw her hand over her mouth instantly.

"Brittany!" Quinn scolded. She looked back at me.

I can't do anything, I can't say anything. I have no more tears to shed right now even though deep down all I want to do is escape to my bed, cry until I fall asleep and wake up to the beginning of this day. I want so desperately to start this day over and do it differently. I shake my head slowly as I close my eyes, lost in my own thoughts. Quinn's hand gently squeezed my upper arm, making me remember that they were still standing right in front of me. I yanked my arm away quicker than I normally would have. I met Quinn's questioning gaze.

Breathe. I need to come up with something. The sooner I come up with an answer, the sooner they will leave and the sooner I can crawl into my bed. I slowly let myself lean against the bathroom door. My body is so weak. Everything hurts. I take in a deep breath and begin playing with the sleeve of my robe.

"I…got into a fight…at the party." My eyes started to water now.

"Who? Who did this?" Brittany's voice rang out louder than I had expected. I jumped a little at its roughness. I looked at my robe again; making sure the sleeves covered my wrists. Quinn was standing in silence waiting for my answer. I could feel her eyes on me, searching me for the truth.

I didn't have an answer. I don't know who he was. I blink back the tears that stung at my eyes. I can't cry. Not now. "Um…I don't…I don't know. Some girl…" That was the best answer I could come up with? I'm disappointed in myself.

"Some girl? Some random girl just beat you up for no reason?" Quinn's voice was strong. When I didn't answer her questions or even acknowledged that she spoke with eye contact she continued, "I am finding that hard to believe Santana. What is going on?" Quinn had her hands on her hips. I briefly looked up to meet her gaze, she had a look in her eye. She was questioning me. Being best friends for 8 years…she knows when I'm lying. I just want her to leave. I want both of them to leave. I want to lay down.

Before I could answer Quinn, a cellphone started to ring loudly. "Shit. My parents are calling. I'll be right back," Brittany walked quickly out of my room and down the hallway answering her phone, leaving Quinn and I alone in my room. I remained silent.

"San, what is really going on? Who did this to you? You aren't telling me something." Quinn took a step closer to me. Her voice was more gentle now.

"I told you. I got in a fight with this girl." That is all I can come up with. If I say a name then Quinn would go approach the girl and make her answer her own questions. I can't do that. She can't know.

"You are LYING!" Quinn was getting aggravated. She waved her arms around, "I'm your best friend San! I can tell something is going on! Some girl, who yet to be named, starts a fight with you, for no reason? Really? That is the story you are telling me, your best friend? I don't believe it. Spill."

I was getting frustrated. I can't deal with this, I'm so tired and in so much pain. I want them all to leave. I want to be alone. He attacked me for no reason. There was no reason. Tonight I was… tears spring to my eyes. I look up towards Quinn's face. "I am not lying. I was beat up. For NO reason what so ever….I…I don't know why!" I was getting louder, "If I was lying do you think my face would look like this?" I pointed to my swollen eye and puffy lip. "I want to go to bed Quinn. Leave me alone! If you aren't going to believe me then GO! Get out!" My tears were falling down my cheeks. I never yell at Quinn like this. My emotions are all over the place.

Quinn had tears that were glistening in her eyes. "Santana. You left the party without saying ANYTHING! You just LEFT! I was worried and then turns up, here you are all beat up! I am not leaving until I get the full story-"

"Sanny?" A tired little voice rang out behind us. Both me and Quinn froze as we heard the sleepy voice of my little sister. She was supposed to be sleeping. Now she was at the entrance to my bedroom? Shit.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think! Any feedback would be appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you all for the support! I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Feedback and or thoughts are greatly appreciated!**

**Chapter 3**

"Rach," I barely was able to whisper. I didn't realize how loud we all had just been, arguing back and forth. Our loud voices must have traveled down the hall to my sister's room and woken her up. I couldn't move; I felt frozen in place. I didn't want my baby sister to see me like this. Rachel was standing in her nightgown at my bedroom door waiting for us to say something, for us to turn around. My back was facing her and the entrance to my room. All I could do was shake my head.

Quinn instantly walked past me towards my sister. She stood directly in front of her, blocking her eyes from seeing me. "Hey Rachie, I'm sorry we woke you up. Go back to bed boo, we will be more quiet," Quinn's voice was kind. Quinn has always been so great with my sister.

Rachel stepped around Quinn, ignoring her last statement. My back was still facing my sister but I could hear footsteps coming closer towards me. I heard Quinn's objections, but it was too late. Rachel and Quinn were standing right in front of me now. My little sister's eyes immediately started watering as she looked at me and took in my appearance.

Quinn took a step back as Rachel ran at me and hugged me tightly around my torso. Pain shot through me. Tears escaped from my eyes. I stumbled backwards a little and had to lean up against the door to keep my legs from crumbling underneath me. My eyes met Quinn's as she took in my reaction to my little sister's sudden hug. Her eyebrows furrowed even more. I looked up at the ceiling trying to stop the tears from falling. I need to stop crying. I can't do this here. Not with Quinn and Rachel in the room. I don't want my eight year old sister to see me like this; I definitely don't want her to know… I felt my robe beginning to get wet around my stomach. She was crying. What do I do?

"Rachie, come here let's give your sister a little space ok?" Quinn's gentle voice rang out. When Rachel shook her head 'no' into my robe, Quinn softly walked up and started prying the little girl off of me. Rachel obeyed Quinn's movements and grasped onto her hand as she stepped away and looked at me again.

"What happened, Sanny?" Her innocent voice made me want to cry even more.

I blinked back tears again. "I'm ok Rach. I'll….I'll be ok." When I realized that my little sister needed me to say more I continued, "I got into a fight, but everything…everything is ok." Rachel started shaking her head.

"So my parental units are gonna start shitting bricks if I don't-" Brittany walked back into the room and saw my little sister standing there. "Oh, sorry. Um…I mean…Hi Rachel." She gave her a sad smile once she noticed the young girl had tears running down her face. An awkward silence enveloped the room. Quinn was holding Rachel's hand tightly as she continued to watch my every move; there were so many questions in her eyes. Rachel couldn't take her eyes off of my bruised and swollen face. I was trying so incredibly hard not to collapse to the floor and fall apart. All of this was way too much.

"Rach, why don't you go back to bed…?" Quinn scrunched down on the balls of her feet and wiped a tear from the young girl's cheek.

"No. I don't want to leave…" Rachel hadn't taken her eyes off of me since she entered the room.

I found my voice, "Boo, go on it's ok. I'll be in your room to tuck you in shortly ok?" When she didn't start moving I continued, "I'm ok. Quinn and Brittany are here, I'll be there soon. Promise."

I watched my little sister reluctantly nod her head and slowly make her way out of my room. All three of us followed her out with our eyes.

Once we all knew she was out of hearing distance Brittany cleared her throat in order to break the awkward tension that surrounded the room again. "So my parents just called. I'm in so much trouble it isn't even funny. I broke curfew again, so I think their heads are about to explode. They just conference called me together so that they both could yell at me at the same time. It wasn't pretty." She gave a nervous laugh and then looked at Quinn, "Are you gonna ride with me or stay? Because if you are with me we gotta go like… ten minutes ago."

The entire time Brittany was talking I felt Quinn's eyes on me. I looked away from the both of them in order to try to separate myself from the two of them.

"I'm staying." Quinn's voice rang out.

I snapped my head in her direction, "Quinn you can't-"

"I am staying Santana." Her voice was strong and stern. She turned to face Brittany, "I'll just spend the night here, I don't want your parents to kill you. Taking me home would put on an extra fifteen minutes to your time."

I watched as the two of them hugged. "Alright girl sounds good," Brittany said as she pulled away from Quinn and started in my direction. I tried my best to plaster on a smile but by the concerned look I received from them both I knew that it didn't fool anyone. Brittany gently wrapped her arms around me to say goodbye causing me to hiss in pain. My whole body felt raw. She pulled back quickly, "Sorry! Sorry!"

I waved her off, "No it's ok. I just…" I trailed off, I had no explanation to give her. "Yea," I concluded awkwardly.

Brittany nodded her head pretending to accept my nonsense statement. She turned to leave but stopped and pointed to Quinn and I, "Fill me in tomorrow on the details. I need a name and an address so I can go fuck that bitch up. I'll show her who she messed with." She didn't wait for a response, the tall blonde started to walk out of my bedroom door towards the stairs. "I'll let myself out! See you two tomorrow at school!" Her voice rang down the hallway into my room followed by the sound of the front door closing let us know she was gone.

Silence blanketed the room yet again. It was just me and my best friend staring at me waiting for me to talk, something I couldn't do.

I finally took a deep breath, "Well..." I start awkwardly, "I'm going to tuck in Rach."

"San-"

"Quinn just do me a favor?" I cut off my best friend and look past her so I don't need to look her in the eyes.

"Anything San," Her voice was pleading.

"If you are going to stay….you can't ask questions. I….I just can't answer them. Please, just…. Be here. Don't ask…" I can see out of the corner of my eyes that Quinn is already hesitating with my request. She knows something is wrong. She knows that if I got into a fight that everyone at the party would have known about it. She also knows that I know all of this which is why I can't have her asking questions. I honestly don't think I could answer them. My eyes are tearing again. Finally I turn my face to meet Quinn's waiting for her response.

"I know you are hiding something from me, San, I just don't understand why." Quinn shook her head in frustration.

"Quinn," I warn. I can't talk about this. It isn't going to happen.

She slowly nods her head and with a sigh replies, "Ok San, if that is what you need. I just…." She trailed off and did a once over on my body, taking in my slouched posture and swollen face. She threw her hands up, "Ugh! Nevermind." She is upset and frustrated, I can tell.

"Santana?" My little sister interrupted as she poked her head around the corner. Worry etched all over her face.

I take a deep breath preparing myself to walk again and be strong for Rachel. "I'm coming boo, I'm sorry. I'm coming right now." I turn to Quinn, "You promised. No questions." Then I turn and grab Rachel's hand, leading her slowly out of my room down the hallway to her bedroom, trying to cover up my limp. It hurt so bad to walk. I look over my shoulder at Quinn and catch her examining me as I walk. She meets my gaze and slowly shakes her head with her eyebrows furrowed. I turn my head to look straight ahead. Stop limping. Suck up the pain. We get to Rachel's door and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as I walk my little sister to her bed.

* * *

Rachel crawled into her bed and swat at the space next to her, signaling for me to lie down. I very slowly sat myself down on the bed, barely controlling the hisses that wanted to escape my mouth. This hurt so bad. Eventually I was lying face to face with my little sister, silence and darkness filled the room save for the light glow that reached her bed from the hallway. She gently and slowly brought her hand to my eye and outlined the ever growing bruise that encompassed it. I tried really hard to stop the tears from surfacing.

"I thought you were going to stop fighting Sanny..." my little sister trailed off as she brought her hand away from my face and tucked it under her chin.

"I know Rach. I...I did stop fighting...I stopped..." I became silent. My words meant so much more than what my sister heard. I stopped fighting him I let him...my body enjoyed it... I stopped fighting and he won.

My sister cut off my train of thought, "You are the bravest person I know, but it scares me when you fight...because...because what if you ever fight someone who is bigger...or stronger than you? I don't want you to ever lose. I need you to be ok." She looked deeply into my eyes and gave me a tired smile.

I felt like if I spoke or gave any type of response to her last statement, I would start sobbing, and I couldn't let Rachel know anything was wrong. I couldn't have my baby sister know that what she just said is exactly what just happened hours earlier. I had to change the subject. I finally cleared my voice, "How was dance today?"

My sister searched my eyes taking in the sadness that lay behind them. She decided to answer my question thankfully. "It was pretty awesome. Ms. Mary Jo told me that I have been improving a lot this year. Oh! Also I was able to do my triple turns on both sides all class tonight."

I couldn't help but be proud of Rachel, "That is awesome boo. I bet Stacy was super jealous." This is just what I needed. Talking about dance was always an easy topic to get Rachel distracted. Her 'arch nemesis' at the dance studio was nine year old Stacy. This girl always wanted to be better and stronger at every style of dance; however, Rachel often came out on top at competitions and performances which caused a lot of tension between her and Stacy. The jealous nine year old had begun being rude and giving attitude whenever Rachel was praised in class by her teachers and she wasn't, which only made Rachel look like an even better kid than she already was.

"Yea, you should have seen her face." She yawned before continuing, "She was pissed that I got my triple pirouettes before her. I informed her about the importance of work ethic and determination. I mean if she worked harder in class then she would be able to be more consistent with her dancing, much like how I am getting." Rachel rubbed her eyes sleepily.

I gave her a weak smile. "I agree. I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

"Mhmm..." Rachel closed her eyes and became silent for a while. I laid there staring at her. She has grown up so much. Suddenly Rachel spoke again quietly with her eyes still closed, "Did it hurt?"

This caught me off guard, so I didn't answer. My little sister opened her eyes and looked into mine. "Did it hurt... being hit?" She was waiting for my answer.

My eyes teared up again. "Yea...Yea boo, it did." I brought my hand up to her cheek and caressed her face gently. She closed her eyes and snuggled into my hand. I will never let anything happen to Rachel. My little sister is too perfect, too innocent. I make a promise to myself to always keep an extra eye on her, now more so than ever. My tears were starting to spill over; I needed to get out of here. "Go to sleep okay? I love you to the moon and back."

"Then back again." Rachel murmured softly from her sleepy state. I watched as she eased into sleep, her innocence simply trusting my lying words broke my heart. I gently and carefully climbed out of her bed again willing myself to be silent. My whole body was throbbing but I couldn't let her see or hear my body's protests to all the movement. I bent down carefully and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. I watched my sister's breathing get heavier from the door; she looked so peaceful and innocent as she slept. I need to keep it that way. My sister won't lose her innocence. I won't let it happen. The mere thought of anyone hurting her, especially him, would hurt a million times more than how my body aches right now. It won't happen. I won't let it. I couldn't. No one can know what happened. I take a deep breath and pull the door softly closed behind me.

* * *

I walked as carefully as I could down the hall back towards my room, trying not to cry out in pain with every step. Tears filled my eyes again but I willed them back in. I need to keep it together.

Once I got to my room I noticed it was empty. "Quinn?" I shakily asked to the dimly lit room.

No answer. Where was she? I heard my front door open then close. Shit. I quickly look at the clock. It was just after midnight. Was my mom home early? Then I heard my mom and Quinn's voice at the bottom of the stairs. Shit. I want to quickly close my bedroom door and lock it. I want to get away from all of this. Two pairs of footsteps were coming up the old creaky stairs now towards my room. What do I do? What do I do? I'm frozen in place, I can't think. I'm in so much pain, my brain is fried, and I'm panicking.

I heard my mom scoff, "You had to help her with what Quinn? I don't understand why you are here. You know the rules. No sleepovers on school nights, unless ran by me first. I didn't get a phone call and you both know that I don't like surprises." I could finally make out what my mom was saying. She was angry. Her voice was drawing nearer letting me know that she was seconds from charging into my room.

"Wait a second, please…just wait!" Quinn's voice sounded desperate. I heard the footsteps pause.

"What is it Quinn? I'm tired. I need to go ground my daughter and we all need to have a conversation about how this is not ok to do behind my back and without permission. No school nights! I know you both know that." The footsteps continued right outside my door.

I can't move, I feel like a deer in headlights. Everything was about to blow up and crumble even more so than it already has. I don't want my mom to know. I can't have her know that I was… That I liked…She can't know what happened.

"San got in trouble!" Quinn's voice echoed out just as my mom's hand grabbed the door handle. What was she doing?

"She what?" My door swung open in an instant and I was met face to face with my mother. "Oh my god! Santana Maree Lopez, your face! Honey what happened? Are you ok? Who did this to you? Come here let me look." My mother's voice was laced in panic, I had to think fast and buck up or she would be able to see straight through me. She rushed towards me grabbing my forearm with one hand while stretching out her other arm to examine my face.

_He grabbed my other wrist with his one hand leaving me completely helpless as he made a fist with the other pulling it back and punching me right in my face._

I instinctively yank myself from my mother's grasp and cover my face behind my arms letting out a whimper in panic. Shit. What did I do. What did I do.

"Santana?" My mom said her tone full of uncertainty, as she slowly took a step back. Her glance bounced between me and Quinn before she continued, "Honey, What is going on?"

I hear his voice in my head, _"If you tell anyone about our fun time or if anyone finds out because you don't cover it up well enough… I will come back for more….I'll kill you… I know exactly _where you live," I need to pull it together fast.

"I….I…" I search the room for something, anything to look at other than my mother's worried face. My eyes fall on Quinn. She had changed out of her dress into her pj pants and a t-shirt while I was with Rachel. Her being in the room made it that much harder to lie to my mom. I slowly replied as my eyes remained locked with Quinn's, "I…got into a fight….after school today?" Maybe I shouldn't have ended that sentence with a question mark. Shit. Stupid. Keep thinking-

"You did WHAT?" I jumped a little from the venom in my mom's voice, this was scary voice. She didn't seem to notice that my answer ended in a question. I let my eyes finally meet my mother's. She was pissed. Her eyes seemed to penetrate mine searching to read my soul and see if this was true. She turned to Quinn, "Is this true?"

Quinn's face faltered. I know that she knew I wasn't telling the truth, she knew as soon as I tried to pass this lie over her and Brittany about an hour ago. She didn't answer my mom; she didn't know what to say just as I didn't know what to say. My mother was fuming, she snapped her head back at me and raised an eyebrow waiting for my explanation.

"I... I um…" tears start falling down my face. I can't help it. I divert my gaze downward to escape the disappointment that filled my mother's eyes. I know I can't tell her the truth, it isn't an option. I don't even think I would be able to say it out loud…I shake my head. Stop thinking about it! I need a story. Think! "This girl… um…was being…" I trailed off as I started pulling at my sleeves. "I mean, she um…" I cleared my throat nervously.

"Santana. Stop trying to think of a lie and just tell me the truth. Fighting is NOT acceptable. Was this done on school grounds? Should I expect a phone call tomorrow from your principle again? I mean…" She took a deep sigh before continuing, "I thought we had your anger problems under control San. What could you possibly have been thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking…I…" I trailed off and looked down at my hands, nervously picking my finger nails and tugging at my robe sleeves again to make sure they covered my wrists. I don't know what to say.

Suddenly, Quinn moved to stand next to me. "It wasn't on school grounds," she started, I gave her a desperate 'Please don't' look. I don't need her telling my mom what little she did know. She continued, "Me and San walked to the ice cream store after school, you know Twisty Treat? Right around the corner from McKinley?" My mom slowly nodded waiting for her to continue, "Well this girl came out of nowhere, and she thought Santana was someone else… She kept yelling at her… thinking that Santana was messing around with her boyfriend. Then she went crazy on San. It was a huge misunderstanding really." Quinn had finished speaking but I continued to look at her with my jaw slightly dropped. Quinn just lied to my mom for me. I was dumbfounded.

I turned my head and watched as my mom continued to stare at Quinn. She was trying to read her face to see if she was telling the truth. My mom slowly turned her gaze to me. I took in a deep breath. Quinn had just lied for me, now it was up to me to keep the lie going. My mom finally spoke, "Santana, did you instigate this? Did you say anything to make this happen, for someone to turn violent against you? Did you throw the first punch?"

"No." I mumble, my eyes rest on a pair of shoes that I left by my desk avoiding my mother's eyes again. I didn't ask for any of this to happen. He came out of nowhere. I don't even know who he is. He threw the first punch. He…. Did everything… my eyes start to well up again.

Quinn saw the tears in my eyes, "She was blindsided. The girl was legit crazy, Mama Lopez. Big, fat and scary…. Santana didn't do anything but tell the girl she had the wrong person. Afterwards I drove San home and then went to get Rachie from dance so that San could rest. That's why I'm still here, that is what I was helping her with." Quinn chimed in.

My mom looked at both of us unimpressed, like she knew there was more to this story. Her eyes fell on me, "You girls should have called me." She shook her head silently, "Santana, you are grounded-"

"But it wasn't her fault!" Quinn was cut off by a wave of my mom's hand.

"I will not tolerate fighting. Not anymore. This will not happen again. You will be taking a break from cheerleading for the rest of the semester. Effective tomorrow. School then straight home. No exceptions, this includes Puck's birthday party this weekend. You will no longer be attending. You are on restriction with your car until further notice. The only times you will be allowed to drive will be to and from school and to and from the dance studio to get your little sister. Comprende?"

I immediately flinched as I heard his voice in my head, _"I SAID enjoy this, WHORE! Don't fuck with me or I'll really give you something to cry about. Comprende?"_

"Santana?" My mom was waiting for an answer with her arms crossed.

I look up at my mom's worried face and urged myself to pull it together. Breathe. "I…Yes mam. Can I go to bed now please?" My voice is weak. I'm weak.

My mom's eyebrows lifted, probably in disbelief. She hesitated before nodding her head. "Let me get you an ice pack and some Advil then yes you can go to bed." She opened her mouth to say something else, but immediately shut it, shaking her head instead. I watched as my mom turned to leave my room and then stopped to look over her shoulder at me, "I am very disappointed in you Santana." With that she left my room.

* * *

I closed my eyes at her words. I am disappointed in myself. I should have fought harder. I shouldn't have left alone to go to my car. I should have listened to my mom's rules and never went to the party in the first place. There were so many decisions that I made tonight that were completely wrong. I couldn't help but feel completely stupid. I caused all of this. Every decision I made tonight led to this. It all happened because of me and my stupidity.

Now it was just me and Quinn standing awkwardly next to each other in my room. I am too tired to deal with her questioning worried gaze. "Thanks...for saying that to mom..."

"San-"

"Please Quinn…. Please just leave it alone. I'm….I'm so tired. I just…I can't."

Quinn sighed, "Ok San…ok. I'm just…I'm worried about you. Let's just lay down. You do look really tired."

I couldn't even respond. I am tired, so very tired. I looked at my bed and continued to stand in the spot I was in before my mom left.

Quinn looked back at me as I haven't moved, "Did you want to change first?"

My eyes lifted from my bed to my best friend. I didn't have the strength in me to change. I didn't know what clothes I owned that wouldn't hurt to put on or wear. I certainly didn't want to change in front of Quinn and if I asked her to leave or turn around she would definitely know 100% that something was awfully wrong. I have known her since 2nd grade. We've had countless sleepovers, had to change for PE, and cheered together for years. We both have no problem changing clothes or being naked in front of each other. She is my person. She is basically my sister. So if all of a sudden I became modest, she would certainly jump down my throat.

I shook my head finally answering Quinn's question. I would just wear the robe to bed. I fidgeted aimlessly with the tie to make sure it was tied tightly around my waste. I couldn't have it come undone. I couldn't let my best friend see what he left on my stomach.

I slowly made my way to the bed and ease myself down to the mattress, wincing as the plush pillow top makes contact with my lower body. I shoot my head up instantly to see Quinn's reaction to my wince, she was still staring directly at me. She caught my horrified look and kept my gaze. I folded and turned my eyes downward. I need to be careful here. I'm just so tired. I need to sleep. I need none of this to have happened. Tears fill my eyes again and threaten to spill over.

"San-"she started.

"Don't Quinn." I warned back in a tired voice as my mother entered the room with a glass of water, an ice pack wrapped in a towel and a couple Advil. I wish she brought the whole bottle. My body is throbbing. She is looking between me and Quinn with a questioning look on her face. She can feel the awkward tension in the room.

"Take these now. This will help with the swelling," she handed me the ice pack as I set the cup of water on my nightstand. "Do not fall asleep with it on your face," she paused and took a deep breath. "San, I love you, but honey you need to stop this. I really honestly thought we were done with the whole loud mouth and fighting phase. I hope you learned your lesson here. I will not allow anymore of this." She paused waiting for a response from me.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm….I am so sorry," I will the tears not to fall that are clouding my vision. My mom's look lingers on my face. I can tell she knows she is missing something. She's searching for some answers, for anything to prove that her gut instinct is correct, but I can't let her find anything. I turn my face away from her and close my eyes as I slowly bring the ice pack to my swollen eye.

I heard my mom sigh loudly before speaking again, "Get some sleep girls. I love you both." She shut off the light and closed my door leaving my bedroom.

* * *

Everything was exhausting. Lying to my friends and mom was exhausting. Calming Rachel down was exhausting. Lying in bed staring at my fan was exhausting. I am so tired, yet I can't seem to fall asleep. It was so quiet in my room. I could hear Quinn's even breaths as she lay awake next to me, both of us waiting on the other to start talking. But I had nothing to say. My whole body ached, throbbed and burned. My eyes were puffy from crying and my throat hurt from….screaming. Did this all happen? Is this real? The pulsing in my stomach and in between my legs made sure that I knew it was all real. Tonight I was… I started crying again. How did I let this happen? How did I…. like it.

I shake my head and bite my lip to keep me from sobbing out loud. How did my life come to this? I remember learning in health class last year that 3 out of 4 woman who are…attacked…know their attacker. My teacher spent a good part of the lecture talking about all the myths that were associated to 'sexual violence'. I shudder at the phrase; even thinking it makes my skin feel dirty. One of the big misconceptions was that people who were 'taken advantage of' rarely ever knew their attackers. That is when she said it, the fact that I only halfway heard at the time: only 1 out of 4 women who are attacked are attacked by a complete stranger. At the time I didn't care. A year ago in health class when Ms. O'brian was talking about all of these topics I tended to tune out or pass notes with Quinn. Now here I was, a year later, lying in bed hours after I became part of the unlucky 25% statistic. I guess I learned more than I thought.

My breathing was getting heavier the more I thought about it. This was my life. I was the 1 out of 4. I was the 'odd man out'. Would it have been better if I knew him? Would it have been easier if my life hadn't been this perfect up to this point? Maybe if my mom had ended up continuing to date and marry her jerk ex-boyfriend, Ryan, than this would have been easier to handle. Ryan would have turned out to be terrible…and if I had terrible in my life day to day…than maybe I wouldn't feel like everything was spinning so out of control. Maybe this wouldn't have been such a big deal if I was used to darker things. My tears start coming stronger. I feel my hand slowly being grasped and held tightly, I can't help but initially flinch away from the sudden touch but Quinn won't let my hand go.

We lay there for a while, her caressing my hand with her thumb and me hiccupping between tiny sobs, trying to get my breathing under control as I continued to stare at that stupid fan turning and turning. "San, what is it? Please, I'm here for you." I barely heard her whisper.

Life goes on. How am I supposed to go on? Tonight was going to be fun and special, I was supposed to be with Puck, not… I can't control it, my eyes clouded with tears and I break into a hysterical fit of sobs. I can barely hear Quinn trying to calm me with her soothing low voice as she gently runs her fingers through my hair. I'm trying to stay quiet as I sob into the darkness but I keep feeling him on me…in me. I can't. This wasn't supposed to be how it happened. This wasn't supposed to have happen at all. Without warning my mouth opens and words fall out, "I lost my virginity tonight."

Saying it out loud hurt so much worse than saying it in my head. I turn on my side, disregarding my body's protests and cry into Quinn's shoulder, grasping her hand tightly.

"Shhh…Shh… I am so sorry…Shh..," Quinn's voice is breaking as she tries to calm me down; I know she is crying too. We lay there holding each other's hands, her gently stroking my hair and occasionally wiping my face. Laying in silence as I cried. I'm broken.

"You said…you s-s-said it would be amazing…you p-p-promised..." I can't even finish my sentence, I'm gasping for air between heavy sobs.

"I know San, I am so so sorry sweetie. I'm so sorry." She breathed in a slow breath to calm herself down and continued, "San," I didn't respond. I was lost in a fit of sobs. She knew. Now she knew. "Santana," she tried again before continuing, "San, you have to take deep breaths, shhhh…." She continued to stroke my hair.

Somehow I managed to cry myself to sleep, lying in my best friend's arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thank you for your support, favorites and reviews again, they are helpful in shaping and clarifying things that I have in the future chapters. If there are any questions that I leave unanswered, feel free to PM me. This is only the beginning. The cat is out of the bag now that Quinn knows…and more will begin to unravel. I hope you all continue to read and enjoy. Thank you again for helping me with my first fanfiction. Here we go!**

**Chapter 4**

Quinn continued to stroke her best friend's hair until she had managed to cry herself to sleep. The blonde was in a daze. She had to be strong for her best friend, but now that Santana was sleeping she was consumed by emotions. She was angry. How could somebody do this to such an amazing person? She felt guilty. Why wasn't she there? She should have told Mama Lopez. Why did she lie? She was scared for her best friend. She watched her best friend sleep and tears sprung to her eyes. Why Santana?

Quinn shook her head. She knew something was wrong, but this wasn't what she was expecting when she watched San's car drive away from the party. However, the second the young blonde looked into her best friend's eyes after the shower she knew. She knew what had happened; she just didn't want to believe it. Part of her wanted to believe that Santana had gotten into a fight, even though she could see it in her eyes. Her eyes had the same look her sister's eyes had once held a couple years ago.

Quinn's sister, Alexa, went away to college. She had all these hopes and dreams of graduating from an out of state college and having the "true college experience", but some frat boy at a party ruined that for her. She came home one day in tears. Then the next thing Quinn knew she was living upstairs again and attending the local community college. Alexa was raped. She had told Quinn the story eventually. She told Quinn that she never wanted it to happen to her little sister. A frat boy spiked her drink when she wasn't looking. She woke up the next day with no memory of what happened, only an aching in her core. She told Quinn that she immediately knew what happened and had to move back home. The thought of being in the same city as that boy made her physically sick.

Quinn wiped the loose tears that had made their way down her cheek. How is Santana going to get through this? The blonde had so many questions still, but she was too scared to ask. She knew she couldn't push her, from experience. This shouldn't have happened, not to San. She watched her best friend as her eyebrows furrowed in her sleep. Santana winced as she turned to lie on her back. Quinn shook her head. Her best friend was in so much pain. Quinn decided in this moment that come morning instead of going to school, she was going to drive Santana to a clinic. She needed to be checked out, to be tested…

The young blonde took a deep breath and tucked her arm under her pillow. She needed to try to get some sleep. They would have to wake up soon. It had to look like they were going to school if San doesn't want her mom to know. Or should she tell Mama Lopez? She took another deep breath and coached herself to sleep first and think about the rest in the morning. There was so much that needed to be done.

* * *

I woke up two hours before my alarm. I couldn't sleep. I woke up so many times from awful nightmares. Are they called nightmares when they are just memories of things that happened in your life? I shook my head. I put on a sweatshirt and a pair of yoga pants and had been sitting quietly at my desk watching the minutes of the clock click by. If I focused on the minutes I could stop my mind from wandering and reliving the previous night's events. Almost. My alarm was going to go off any minute now and my best friend would wake up. Everything was going to be even more real than it already was. Quinn was going to want to talk, but I can't. I can't talk, and now I don't know what I am going to do.

I put my head in my hands. Why did I tell her? Why did I open my mouth? I hit my head against my hands and then let out a very audible hiss from the pain that radiated by my eye. "Stupid!" I hissed at myself as my eyes started to water in response.

"Santana?"

I snapped my head up and looked at my best friend from across the room. She was groggy and confused, looking at the clock and trying to get her bearings. She finally looked at me.

"How long have you been awake?" Quinn asked.

I couldn't keep eye contact with her knowing that my face was bruised and swollen, knowing that she knew the reason that it looked the way it did. I looked down at my fingernails and answered quietly, "I don't know, a while?"

Quinn sat up in my bed and rubbed her eyes before she spoke again. "You should have woken me up when you got up, San." When I didn't reply she gave a heavy sigh. "How are you feeling?"

I've never felt so awkward with my best friend than I did in this moment. She was asking me how I was feeling. Deep down she has to know that I was going to lie. There is no way I would be able to tell her how I truly felt because physically it was nearly unbearable and emotionally it was unexplainable. Tears sprung to my eyes. I began to shake my head, "I can't…I can't."

Quinn was out of my bed and kneeling in front of me before the tears rolled off my chin. "I'm sorry, that was such a dumb question." She gently grabbed my chin and lifted it to meet her eyes, I watched as she studied my face, taking in my visible injuries and the look in my eyes. She finally wiped the tears from my cheeks and then grabbed my hands. "I think that we should tell your mom, San."

This brought me back from my daze. "No." I took my hands from hers, "Not an option. No Quinn, I mean it. No."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I can't. I…I just…I can't." Her big eyes were looking at me full of questions. I looked down at my hands again. "Just…Just give me some time. I will…I just can't." I was lying. I was lying to my best friend, someone I never lied to. I can't tell my mom. He told me not to tell anyone, he said he would come back for more; that he would kill me. He knows where I live and I couldn't even go one night without telling someone. He is going to know. There is no way I can tell my mother. Images of him on top of me flashed across my mind. I felt like I could feel him on my skin again. My stomach flipped, my head was spinning: I felt nauseous.

I guess Quinn could see me physically freaking out from the mere suggestion so she quickly stopped it before I got worse, "Ok. Ok. Ok. I'm sorry, I just… I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do and it is killing me." She stood up and began pacing quietly. She walked over to my alarm clock and turned it off before it sounded. She threw the pillows that fell off back onto my bed and then resumed her original pacing.

Finally Quinn stopped moving and focused on me again, "Ok, listen, San. We are skipping school today." She took a deep breath, "We'll pretend we are going, but instead I'll take you to see a doctor and get checked out. You can get an exam, get tested, and tell someone-"

"Stop." I put out my hand trying to stop her words. "I can't…Doctor? No." I shake my head quickly.

"Santana. I know you don't want to hear this but you are my person so I'm going to say it." She took a deep breath before continuing, "Your face is swollen, you are wincing every time you think no one is looking, and you were limping last night…you need a doctor. You need to get an exam and be tested-"

I cut off my best friend again, "No."

Quinn walked over towards me and stood directly in front of me again. "Did he wear a condom?" She snapped.

"Quinn, stop." My eyes instantly start to water at the mere thought.

"No San. Answer the question. Did he wear a condom?" Quinn held my gaze without blinking. She wasn't going to drop this. Since Quinn started having sex, she's always preached to me about the importance of condoms. Telling me that whenever I do decide to have sex, it is imperative that I use them. I packed condoms. I had them ready for when Puck and I... but that didn't happen. My tears begin to fall. "Did he?" Quinn repeated.

I sighed as soon as I noticed that she wouldn't let me out of the room until I answered. I looked down towards my feet as the tears fell off my face, "No." I said barely above a whisper. He didn't. He didn't stop long enough to put one on, he didn't care about my well-being, he just wanted me to struggle underneath him…

Quinn gently pulled me up into a hug. I sunk into the hug, rapidly soaking her shirt with tears. Her voice was gentler now, "You need to go get tested. You need to find out sooner rather than later if he gave you anything. We are not going to mess around with this." She started to rub my back gently as she continued to hug me. "Syphilis can kill you if you don't get it treated. The symptoms are no more than just a bad cold. I'm not letting that happen. There are so many types of STD's...I'm not allowing him to ruin your life anymore. We are going to go get an exam and you are getting tested for everything." She pulled away from the hug and met my eyes, "End of discussion."

I slowly nodded my head, silently agreeing to Quinn's plan. There was no fighting her when she has made up her mind about something, and this was one of those things. I was too tired and weak to argue anyway.

* * *

I starred at the plate of pancakes that sat in front of me at the kitchen table. I saw the pancakes, the ones I usually gulp down in two bites every Wednesday morning, but this morning I couldn't bring myself to pick up the fork and eat. They smelled delicious, they always do, but I wasn't hungry. The conversation I just had with Quinn was just catching up to me. I was going to be seeing a doctor. The thought of me going to the doctors was draining in itself. It was all just so much. No one was supposed to know, yet I opened my mouth and told Quinn and now she is making me see a doctor. The thought of it makes my stomach churn. I can't eat these pancakes because I can't have anything in my stomach. I feel like if I eat, then I'll just be throwing them up in an hour or two.

Rachel's voice cut the silence of the kitchen. "You know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Sanny. You really should eat a good full meal every morning." I heard my sister's voice, but I didn't respond. I couldn't. I was stuck in my own world. She didn't notice, "Did you know that Breakfast is called 'break-fast' because it is meant to break the fast that your body does while you sleep? A fast is an extended period of time when you don't eat-"

"Rachie, I don't think Sissy is in the mood this morning for another lecture." Quinn cut off my little sister. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rachel looking back and forth between me and Quinn.

"Well, if she wouldn't do things that needed me to lecture her on than she wouldn't be lectured. I'm just saying. She needs to eat to be healthy. Plus mommy made these pancakes for us to eat, not to throw away." Rachel looked back down at her plate and cut off some more bite size pieces from her pancakes.

Quinn looked over at her best friend; she was lost in a daze, staring off at the plate of untouched food. The blonde bent down to Rachel's eye level. "How about, I give you five dollars and you help me put Sanny's pancakes into a to-go container so she can eat them at school?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow before looking back over at her sister. Santana hadn't said a word to her this morning; she didn't even fight back or object to her lectures. Something wasn't right.

"Rach? Five bucs? Take it or leave it." Quinn brought the little girl's attention back to focus on her rather than her sister.

"Fine. I'm so close to having enough money to buy that new dance game for the Xbox, so I'll take it, but this conversation isn't over." Rachel jumped off the stool and stuck out her hand for the money.

Quinn ruffled the young girl's hair and pulled a five out of her purse. "It is gonna be over now or else you won't get this money." She said with a playful smile. "Now go grab San's lunch box so we can put these pancakes in there for her for later. Ok?"

Rachel grabbed the five dollars out of the blonde's hands and rushed out of the room to the laundry room to find the lunch box. Quinn walked over to San and gently rubbed her back, which startled the girl.

"Sorry." Quinn immediately apologized. "You uh...you cost me five bucs here man. Your sister is slowly going to make me broke with all these bribes." She trailed off when she noticed her best friend wasn't going to say anything. She searched Santana's glazed over eyes, "San, you...Rachel could tell something was wrong. Are you sure you don't want to tell your mom-"

"No." My voice was barely above a whisper. I shook my head and ran my hands over my face. I can't seem to focus this morning. My mind is stuck. I feel like it is just replaying the most awful part of my life over and over, I am stuck in those woods. Quinn sighs loudly just as my mom and little sister enter the kitchen. I try to sit up a little taller on my stool, trying to pull it together. Quinn is right, Rachel noticed. She can't be asking questions. I notice my mom look at me, she seems angry and upset. I can't help it, my shoulders sag back down. She is mad at me and I don't blame her.

"Santana, can I have a word with you in my room please?" Scary voice. She meant business. I nodded my head silently before slowly following her into the next room. It hurt to walk. It hurt to lie down, sit, stand... everything just hurts.

The normally short walk across the house into my mother's room seemed incredibly long in this moment. Walking without wincing every step proved to be a challenge, but I had to buck it up and bite my cheek in order to keep my pain from my mom. As soon as I got to her room I closed the door behind me and saw my mom with her hands on her hips and eyebrows raised waiting for me to speak. She thought I got into another fight yesterday, it was what I told her and even though it was better to tell her that then the truth…it sure didn't feel like it in this moment. Disappointment was all over her face. I lowered my head down towards the ground unable to look at her any longer. Guilt consumed me, but it had to be this way.

"I'm sorry mom." My voice was quiet. I swallowed the ball I felt in my throat, I couldn't cry. Not now.

"Sorry?" My mom let out a sarcastic laugh before continuing. "Sorry San? I just…please explain to me why this is happening again? Huh? Why are you getting into fights_ again_?" She looked stressed, "We went through _years_ of you fighting. I don't know how many times I had to come pick you up early from school for getting into fist fights with the other students. There were numerous times I had to bring you back to my practice and clean you up because you were bruised and bleeding. You've had stitches in your hand twice!" She shook her head as I continued to hand my head. "I don't understand. You've been so great about staying out of trouble and then now out of nowhere you are going to start this again?"

I kept my gaze focused on her carpet, "I don't…I'll try not to let it happen again."

"Try?" Shelby sighed, "Trying isn't good enough Santana Maree. I don't have time for this." She shook her head as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I am a single mom San. I try my best to keep things normal for you girls. I really do. But there is only so much I can handle, you have to understand that. You are sixteen years old, is it really too much for me to ask you to stay out of fighting?" She blinks rapidly to keep the tears that suddenly clouded her eyes from falling, "I'm so busy working so hard to be able to keep a normal lifestyle for you girls, when you do things like this…it makes it so much harder."

I looked up and saw the worry, stress and confusion on my mother's face. It hurt just as bad as the look of disappointment that had previously been there moments before. I willed the tears that were brimming my eyes to not fall. Not now. "I know. I'm sorry." I repeated. I had nothing else to say. I couldn't tell my mom what happened. I didn't want to tell my mom what happened. I didn't want to talk about what happened. I didn't want what happened to have happened. I immediately looked at the ground again as a tear rolled down my cheek.

My mom sighed again. "Yea…'sorry'," She said quietly. Her voice sounded so tired.

It was silent for a while. My mom didn't move. She stood there staring silently at the wall deep in thought. "Let me look at your eye and lip, come here."

I couldn't look directly at her face, I felt too ashamed. "I'm fine," I mumbled softly.

My mom shook her head, "Fine." She licked her lips before continuing, "Don't forget you are grounded." My mom was trying to pull herself together quickly. She put her hands back on her hips and her voice wavered as she tried to bring strength back to it. "You will be going to school then going straight to pick up your sister from school then straight home. No passing go, no going to Noah's house, no exceptions. There will be no cheerleading for you today or the rest of the semester. I am dead serious about this Santana." My mom paused, I'm assuming waiting for me to protest or cry or complain like I normally would. I couldn't find it in myself to even pretend to care about any of those things. I don't need my car, I don't want freedom, and I definitely don't want to wear a cheer uniform…not with my stomach carved up and all the bruises that currently litter my body. My mom's voice was calmer when she spoke again, "I know this seems like it is a harsh punishment San, but we've done this. The fighting thing. And I honestly thought you were through that phase. This punishment may be harsh but I don't see any other way of keeping you out of trouble and showing you that this _cannot_ repeat itself."

All I could keep doing was staring at the rug. It was the only thing that kept me from falling apart right now. I nodded my head to show my mom that I was listening and she continued, "We will be talking more about this: your other punishments and the fight later when I am home from work. I just cannot do this right now with you." She shook her head again. "I thought we were past this San," She repeated. With that my mom waved her hands at me and ushered me out of the room, walking towards the kitchen again. I followed behind her.

As we neared the kitchen my little sister's voice could be heard, "I think I should be getting at least an extra three dollars for that. I had to check the laundry room and the garage before I found her lunchbox in the under the stairs closet." We both entered to find Rachel standing in front of Quinn with her hand opened waiting for more money.

Shelby shook her head, "Rachel stop taking money from Quinn, Quinn stop bribing her to do tasks for money." She turned her attention back to her youngest and put a smile on her face, "Boo, are you ready to go?"

"Yes mommy," Rachel replied with a smile.

Shelby reached down and tucked the young girl's tag back into her shirt. "Good, grab your lunch and say bye to your sister and Quinn." Shelby grabbed the plates from the island and set them in the kitchen sink to be done later as Rachel grabbed her lunch box from the fridge.

I watched Rachel give Quinn a big hug before she walked over to me. "Feel better Sanny," She said quietly as she wrapped her arms around my torso giving me a quick yet painful hug. It took everything I had to not yelp out, I was so glad my mom had her back to me in that moment.

"Love you boo." I couldn't say anything more. All of this was killing me. I watched in silence as my little sister skipped out of the kitchen to the front door. She was such a morning person.

My mom stepped into my line of vision, pulling me out from my trance yet again. She was slowly backing out of the kitchen heading down the hallway to the front door. She was running late, because of me, so she was talking as she walked backwards towards the exit. "Bye girls I love you both. Quinn, call first next time, you know the rules. You are always welcome here but I need to know about it before it happens. San we will talk tonight." She was out of vision now, all I could hear was the clicking of her heels speeding up towards the front door before, "Turn off the lights before you go and lock the front door! Love you! Bye!" With that the front door closed.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and stumbled to the wall for support to hold me up. My whole body was throbbing. I looked up and met my best friend's eyes. "Ok, we are going to the clinic now." Her voice was to the point as she picked up my keys and signaled for me to start making my way towards the front door.

* * *

Quinn is driving my car. We are driving in silence to a clinic that is on the edge of town, I can't have any of the doctors or nurses at the clinic know my mom. My mom can't know. Every couple of minutes I catch Quinn sneaking a glance over at me. I sigh heavily, I know she is worried but her worrying reminds me that I shouldn't have told her in the first place. I shouldn't be going to the doctors. I lean my head on the window and close my eyes.

Not even a minute later my phone starts buzzing. "Shit," I stammer as I dig through my backpack for my phone. I'm supposed to be in school, who would be calling? I pull it out and see who is calling, "Shit," I repeated.

"Who is it?" Quinn asks, trying to look at the screen of my phone and the road at the same time, unsuccessfully.

I press the ignore button sending the caller straight to my voicemail. "It's Puck." My boyfriend. Whose birthday is today. Whose party I disappeared from last night after...I shake my head. Trying to literally shake the images from my head. "What am I going to do?" I look at Quinn, just then my phone starts buzzing again. "He's calling again." I look up at Quinn frantically as she continued driving.

"Answer it." Quinn says quickly.

"And say what?" I quickly hit 'ignore' again sending him to my voicemail right away. I change my focus back to Quinn. "What am I going to tell him? I don't want to...I can't...I can't put it into words. How can I...?" My eyes start watering at the mere thought of saying it out loud again. I shake my head. One time was one too many. No one else can know. "I don't want to tell my mom, I don't want my sister to know and I sure as hell don't want Puck finding out." My phone was ringing yet again. I didn't hesitate; I sent him directly to my voicemail a third time. I put my head back onto the side window as my tears made their way down my face. Why is this all happening? "What did I do. What did I do. What did I do." I was repeating over and over to myself.

"San, you didn't do anything." Quinn's soft words were meant to be reassuring and helpful and kind; they weren't, but she was right.

"I know." I said quietly, I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't fight hard enough to prevent it from happening. I didn't scream loud enough for anyone to hear me. The only thing I did do was get off, just like he wanted. I'm disgusting. I closed my eyes in an effort to try and escape from everything. From all the images in my head. From all the words. From all my emotions. From all the flashbacks. All my pain.

Quinn didn't know what to say back. Puck didn't call after the third time I sent him straight to voicemail. The rest of the trip to the clinic we sat in silence. There wasn't anything to say.

* * *

"If you expect to hide this from your mom than you need to get better San. She is a doctor. I mean come on. I can't let you get an infection or... " Quinn trailed off and took a breath before continuing, "You need to do this. You need to do this for yourself and so you can get better for Rachel and your mom."

We were parked out front of the clinic now. Quinn had spent the past 5 minutes trying to get me out of the car. I tried, but every time I looked at the front doors my stomach would do flips.

"Quinn, I... I'll figure it out myself. I shouldn't have told you." I looked down at my hands. "Just bring me back home."

Quinn's hand reached across my lap and grabbed my hands. "First of all, we are not going home San. You need this. Secondly, you don't have to figure this out on your own. I am here for you. Most importantly, you most definitely did the right thing by telling me. You cannot hold all this in, you need a support system-"

"Quinn, please." I cut her off as my eyes start to well with tears.

My best friend gave a big sigh before suddenly opening the driver's side door, walking around to my door and swinging it open. She reached for my arm slowly, "Come on San, I'll help you up."

"Quinn." I remained seated.

"Santana Maree." She snapped back. I watched Quinn shake her head before she slowly started lifting my arm, helping me out of the car. I tried my hardest not to wince and cry as I stood upright after sitting in the car. My whole body hurt so badly. I glanced at the clinic before looking at Quinn then down at the ground. We stood in silence. How am I supposed to go in there? I can't let someone… I just can't lie down on a table and…

"San, I can tell you are in pain. I need you to go into this clinic with me and get an exam. I know your mom would want you to do this if…if she knew. I can't… I can't just let you do nothing. You are my best friend, please." Her eyes were misty.

I stood in front of the clinic's double doors, deep in thought. Finally I spoke, "If I do this...if I go see this doctor… then you have to promise me you won't tell my mom..."

My best friend searched my eyes as she looked at me with a completely serious face and replied, "No deal." She took my hand in hers and pulled me through the double doors into the small office.

* * *

We were sitting in a small quiet exam room. The nurse sorted out her paperwork as Quinn and I sat in silence staring at random objects in the room. Finally the nurse spoke,"What kind of unprotected sex have you had in the past 24 hours?" She was focused on her clipboard. The question knocked the wind from my lungs.

"Wh...what?" I don't understand.

"Oral, vaginal, anal." She replied impatiently.

I glance over at Quinn uncomfortably. She catches my unsure gaze and nods for me to answer. I look down at my hands and reply, "Um...vaginal...and o-oral." Tears spring to my eyes, I blink rapidly to force them back under. I dare not look at Quinn. I can't handle her reaction. Now she knows something else about what happened.

The nurse scribbles on her clipboard before continuing, "Have you injected drugs or steroids or shared equipment such as needles or syringes with others?"

"No." I answer shortly letting out a breath, that one was an easy one.

She nodded then read off the next question, "Have any of your sexual partners been diagnosed with HIV or any other STD?"

I think about the question. How do I answer this? "I...I don't know..." I trail off.

The nurse scratches a box then continues, "Have any of your male partners participated in unprotected sex with men, multiple partners, or anonymous partners?"

My eyes look at the nurse with furrowed brows, why is she doing this? "I don't...I have no idea..."

She scribbles on the page again, "Have any of your partners-"

"I don't know!" I cut her off, I'm crying now. "I didn't...I don't know him..." Quinn slid her chair closer to the table and gently stroked my arm. This was the first she has heard of this too. She hadn't asked any questions about my...attack other than whether we used a condom. Now she knows that I didn't know who he was.

The nurse looked at me puzzled, and then changed her focus to take in Quinn's supportive worried face. I watched her eyes grow wide in realization. "Oh. Ok dear, let's move on shall we?" Her voice was laced with pity. It sounded awful. "I am going to take some blood so we can run a full test against any and all STDs then the doctor will come in to complete an exam. Let's get you changed first...the paper gown is on the counter," She pointed behind herself before continuing, "I'll give you a couple minutes to change before I come back to draw some blood." The nurse stood up and gently put her hand on my shoulder before she walked past me completely, "Take your time." She gave me another smile full of pity and then closed the door behind her.

The room filled with silence, Quinn nor I moved. Finally my best friend spoke, "Do you need help changing? Or I could leave the room?"

My eyes started tearing up again, "I can't do this Quinn. Please don't make me do this." Tears spilled over my cheeks. Quinn grabbed my hand tighter.

"San, this is something you need to do. You can do this. It is going to be ok. I can stay here if you want or else I can wait right outside the door, but you are doing this. You have to." Quinn got up and grabbed the gown, raising her eyebrows waiting for me to move, or talk. There was no way she would let me get out of this.

"C-c-can you turn around? I...I can't be alone, but I...I don't want you to see what...what he did." My voice was shaky. Quinn furrowed her eyebrows at my statement but she nodded her head and turned around. I gently took off my oversized sweater and yoga pants. I hissed trying to remove my bra, where he bit me was really tender. Once I had the gown tied tightly around me I pulled myself back up onto the table. "You can turn around now."

Quinn turned around and sat back down in the chair next to the table again. She gently reached and grabbed my hand in hers bringing it between the two of us. I held still. My bruised wrists were exposed for the first time since...

"Oh San..." Quinn's voice was filled with sadness as she gently outlined the bruises with her thumb. I focused on the poster taped to the wall in front of me, zoning out the world around me. The nurse entered the room and withdrew a couple vials of blood. She was talking to Quinn about something regarding how the exam would be free of charge because of some Violence Against Women Act. Apparently victims must have access to a free exam regardless of whether or not the victim, meaning me, wanted to cooperate with the cops. I can't do this. I zone back out, concentrating on the poster. Next thing I know a tall red headed lady in a lab coat was standing in front of me extending her hand for an introduction. When I didn't take it she pulled back slowly and sat down at the stool in front of my dangling legs.

"Hello Santana, I am Dr. Jones it says you are here for a pelvic exam?" I didn't answer. It wasn't because I was trying to be rude, she looks extremely nice, it is just that I can't answer. I feel like if I say anything I am going to crumble into a million pieces. "The nurse informed me about your... situation. So I just wanted you to know that I will be extra careful and include you in every step of the process to make sure that you remain as comfortable as you can. Ok?" I definitely can't do this.

"San...honey, answer the doctor. Are you listening?" Quinn's voice was so soothing.

I nodded.

"Ok then, if you would just lay back and scoot to the end of the table, putting your feet in these notches... take your time." The doctor looked back down at her clipboard. I don't move.

"Santana... San... Sanny." I look at my best friend finally acknowledging her voice. She gives me a sad smile and then nods her head. "You can do this. I'm right here. Come on," She gently tugs my arm towards the end of the table. Without thinking I start to move my body towards the end. I lay myself down gently with help from my best friend and then I stop moving. I can't open my legs... not after...

"Quinn, I can't. I-I-I can't." I start crying again, ignoring the fact that there was a doctor sitting by my knees.

"You can. Santana, you can." She whispered softly while wiping some tears from my face. "You are almost there."

I take a deep breath in and slowly breathe out trying to get my emotions under control. I look at the doctor. "W-what is your name again?"

She smiled a genuinely nice smile before replying, "Celeste Jones." Her smile is huge and bright. She has a dimple over her left cheek. Her hair is a dark red that shines in the light of the room. Her eyes are a light honey color.

I nodded my head. Breathe. I began coaching myself. She isn't going to hurt you. Celeste. You know her name. It's ok. I grip my best friend's hand tighter and nod my head one more time before slowly fitting my heels into the notches of the stirrups. The second I let my heels relax into the holes I feel panic set in. I feel so exposed, so open. I slam my eyes close again and my breaths become quick and short.

"Shh...San listen to my voice. It is ok. You are ok." Quinn is speaking gently into my ear.

I shake my head from side to side as I bite my already sore lip. There was a silence, I'm sure Quinn and Dr. Jones were having a silent conversation with each other, but I couldn't open my eyes. Keeping my eyes closed keeps everything from falling apart, I feel like if I open them then I'll be right where he left me. I feel like I'm still lying in the dirt, I don't want to open my eyes and see his face again. Quinn's voice abruptly brings me back from the brink of panic.

"San, remember that summer when we went to Cheer Camp and got in trouble and had to spend a good 2 weeks doing lunch duty?" Where is she going with this? I'm so confused, I don't answer. She squeezes my hand again, "Remember? Hairnets and all?"

I slowly nodded my head, keeping my eyes closed. She continued, "I mean we kind of did deserve it." She laughed a little, "But every minute of that awful lunch detail was totally worth putting that bitch in her place. What was her name again? Tall. Wirey hair. Huge ass nose. Monkey arms-"

"I'm going to go ahead and insert the speculum now...keep breathing, Santana." Dr. Jones interrupted Quinn.

Quinn continued immediately, "She had that monstrous mole under her eye remember? Don't even get me started on her jacked up horse teeth-"

"Oh my god!" The words slip out of my mouth so fast, my eyes start watering. I hold my breath. I grip Quinn's hands tighter. It went in. The doctor...it was too fast. I can't do this.

"Shhh. San. San, focus on me. What was the girl's name? The one from camp?" She was brushing her fingers through my hair with her free hand. "She thought she was so awesome remember? She actually had a posse somehow, I will never understand that. I mean she looked like a hybrid of a witch and a monkey. I know you know her name San, you remember everyone's name; what was it? It is going to bother me."

"Alice." I replied quietly.

"That's it! Ha! Oh man. Remember what we did to her cabin when she was sleeping-"

"You are going to feel a slight pressure" The doctor interrupted again, but Quinn jumped right back to her story. Pressure was an understatement.

"We thought it would be hilarious, which of course it was, to take our shampoo and pour it all over her bed in the middle of the night. We had SO much shampoo! We poured it all over her nasty dirty hair and then all over her blanket and pillows. Then we used the rest to put on the floor next to her bed-"

"Three little pinches now" Doctor Jones' voice was so soft. I held my breath again.

Quinn squeezed my hand tighter before continuing, "So she would slip and fall trying to get up. I don't know how she didn't wake up during all of this; I mean we were giggling the entire time."

"I'm going to reposition this now; you'll feel a little more pressure." My eyes start watering again.

"You know what I can't believe we actually did though? We had to make like 2 trips each remember? To carry all of her clothes and shoes? We tossed every last article of clothing into that lake! How badass were we?" Quinn chuckled at the memory as she continued to brush her fingers through my hair. "I think we got our point across pretty damn well if I do say so myself. Monkey bitch never said another bad word about us ever again. AND she didn't show up to camp the next summer! Totally perfect."

I started to smile at the memory. Alice had been talking trash about Quinn and then tried to start some drama about me. That didn't settle very well with us, so clearly, we showed her who was boss.

"The look on Monkey Bitch's face was priceless when she was running back and forth from the cabin to the lake crying. Her hair was all messed up, she was soaked from head to toe in shampoo and boy was she the world's ugliest crier as she tried to collect what was left of her clothes from the lake. Watching her freak out was totally worth being caught." Quinn chuckled again.

"Ok Santana, we are done. I'm going to pull this out now, are you ready?"

"You are ok. You are doing great. Almost done San," Quinn could read the worry that immediately covered my face.

"No no no no no no," My hands fly to cover my face. I start panicking into my hands. Quinn gets up and hugs my shoulders laying her head next to mine. I can't do this. The doctor pulls it out. I let out a loud scream and cling onto Quinn's shirt, burying my face into her neck. I'm sobbing now. I feel like I'm back in the dirt. I feel his breath on my neck. My stomach is throbbing, but it is nothing compared to what I feel between my legs.

Quinn's voice starts to break through my panicked thoughts. "Santana. It is ok. You are done. It is done. You are ok." She keeps repeating this until my breathing has calmed. I feel completely embarrassed; I realized the doctor remained in her seat during all of this. I am a failure. I can't do this. Everyone is going to know, I need to stop this. He said nobody can know. I can't go to the cops, nothing can be done. I cannot have this happen...again. I need to stop. But how?

"Ok Santana," Dr. Jones voice rang into my thoughts, "You do have quite a bit of tearing and bruising and there is some inflammation as well. I am going to write a prescription for-"

"No!" I suddenly found my voice. I shoot up into a sitting position which startled everyone in the room. That hurt so bad, bad idea. My stomach is throbbing. "I-I… I'm sorry. I um..." I take a deep breath to sort out my thoughts and to try to breathe through the pain. Quinn is looking at me confused. "I can't have a prescription. I don't want any of this charged to my insurance...I...I don't want my mom...my mom can't know." I look down at my hands, "She can't know." I repeated again quietly.

Dr. Jones took a deep breath. "I understand Santana, I am just concerned for your health. You obviously are in pain, understandably so, so the pain killers I would prescribe would help with that." She gave me a sad smile and waited for my response. I can't. It isn't an option.

Quinn spoke for me, "Is there anything over the counter that we could get for her that will help?"

The doctor looked between me and Quinn then started talking to Quinn again when she realized I wasn't planning on looking up from my hands. "Well sure, any pain reliever would be better than nothing. You should look into something for both inflammation and pain if you can. It will speed up your healing process and make it more bearable. If you need help sleeping then something like Tylenol PM would be good for all your symptoms: sleep, pain, bruising and inflammation." She paused then directed her attention to me before continuing, "If you are sure you don't want a prescription then I guess we are done here, but Santana, if you end up changing your mind or realize that you do want stronger medicine than you can come back and see me. Here is my business card; I am always on call so even if I am not here they can page me. Ok?"

I took the card from her hands and slowly nodded my head.

"Thank you Dr. Jones, you've been really helpful." Quinn was always so polite.

I felt like I was in a haze. Dr. Jones left the room. From this point on Quinn and I didn't speak. I slowly got dressed, managing to hide my stomach from my best friend again. Then we drove by the local pharmacy, Quinn ran inside to buy me some pain meds so I didn't have to get out of the car.

After that we drove by the school to pick up her car that had been sitting there since before ...everything happened. Next thing I knew we were sitting on my living room couch staring at the turned off TV, both sucked into our own thoughts; both sitting in silence. I just didn't know what to say. I feel so awkward, so out of place and so embarrassed. I am in pain and ashamed of myself. I want to know what Quinn is thinking, but at the same time I'm too scared to ask. I don't want her to feel the same way I feel about myself right now, yet I don't expect her not too. I can't answer any questions. I don't want to think about her picturing what happened, her piecing together what must have happened. My eyes start tearing up. Quinn grabbed my hand and held on tight. She scooted closer to me on the couch and entwined her arm in mine as she rested her head on my shoulder. I rested my head onto hers and let the tears fall down my face.

I finally sat up straight and shook myself from Quinn's embrace to wipe my face. "Thanks." I say softly.

"San, I am always going to be here for you, nothing would ever make me go away."

"I-I don't want to talk about it. I was...I just needed to thank you." I look away from Quinn.

"You never have to thank me. You are my best friend, my person." She paused before taking a breath and continuing. "I think that you should tell an adult San."

"No! Absolutely not." I sounded completely rude. I didn't mean to yell. I try again, "Quinn I- I just can't. I wasn't even supposed to tell you-"

"Supposed to?" Quinn cut me off. Shit.

"Nevermind. Forget it." I tried to quickly dismiss.

"No. No way." Quinn shook her head and looked at me intently, "What do you mean 'supposed to'?"

There was no way I was going to get out of this. "He...he said...He said not to tell or he'd..." I trail off.

"He would what Santana?"

"He took my license." I heard my friend gasp as I continued, "He said he would...kill me if I told. Or if anyone found out."

My best friend shot up off the couch. "Santana! You NEED to go to the cops. He has your license? He knows where you live!" Quinn was pacing now.

"You think I don't know that?" I cried out. "I can't go to the cops BECAUSE he knows where I live Quinn! Don't you get it? He wins. Again."

"San-"

"No." I cut her off and take a deep breath. Silence fills the room. "I can't. He said if I told anyone he would come looking for me. If...if he comes for them...if he comes for Rach," I look directly into Quinn's eyes, "That would kill me."

Quinn stood silently looking back into my eyes for a while, finally she sighed, "Fine S, if you don't want to go to the cops it is your choice. I support you; I always have and always will. However, I think you do need to at least go see a counselor. Talking about it is supposed to help, they emphasize that in therapy."

I can't do this. "Quinn-" She cuts me off.

"You know, when Alexa went through...this. She went to therapy ...and she swears by it now."

"Quinn, stop." I was short. I can't do this. I can't talk about it as if it really did happen. I can't have it be real, not yet. Especially not after the exam. The pain I am currently in is real enough for me.

"Well, I just mean...She said talking about it to someone made it easier for her to...move on. She said-"

I snapped my head to face hers. "Stop it," my breathing was quickening. Can't she see that I can't?

She continues, "My sister-"

I snapped, "I wasn't as lucky as your sister, Quinn! I had to be awake during the whole damn thing! I felt it all! I didn't get drugs to numb me." I was seething. "So stop! Stop comparing me to her."

Quinn was taken aback by my outburst. She quickly recovered, "San, calm down. I'm not saying that at all. I am not comparing. I was just saying that it helped Alexa to talk it out-"

I cut her off, screaming now, "What do you want me to talk about Quinn! How he told me he was going to make me cum before any of it started as he beat the shit out of me? Or how it felt when he went down on me?" I could see my best friend's eyes widen in shock and her face instantly cover in tears but I couldn't stop myself, "Or how we ended up orgasming together? I had an ORGASM Quinn! I LIKED it!" Tears were pouring down my face.

"Stop. San, stop it." She cried.

"No Quinn, don't you get it? I can't stop it. I can't talk about it because it is constantly replaying over and over again in my head!" I hit my head with my fists weakly. "Every time I breathe I feel like he is lying on top of me again. His voice is constantly rattling around in my head. Every time I walk and it hurts I think about the things he did..." I'm crying heavily now. "He has my driver's license. He knows where I live, my birthday, that I'm an organ donor. I don't even know his GOD DAMN name!" I break out into sobs and crumble to the ground, despite my body's protests. My legs are too weak to hold me. My breaths are hitched in my chest as I sob heavily into my arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." I cry to my best friend.

"Shh...You don't have anything to apologize for," the blonde replied as she slid down the wall and sat next to me rubbing my arm gently. She was zoned out, staring off in front of us. I knew her mind was replaying what she just heard me say. About everything that happened. She is picturing it. Why did I open my mouth? Why did I just say all of that? I start crying harder, which snaps my friend out of her daze, "San. Santana, look at me. Sweetie, please?" She slowly and delicately turned my face towards hers. "You have nothing to be sorry about. This was not your fault. I don't think any less of you, and I will always be here for you to cry to and yell at. You won't scare me away, ever." My eyes refused to meet hers. She continued, "Do you hear me San?"

All I could do was nod my head. This was my fault. I should have stayed home and picked up my baby sister from her dance class. I should have listened to my mom. If I did, none of this would be happening. All of this hurt I feel wouldn't exist.

I glanced at the clock. Thirty minutes and Rachel would be out of school. "I'm...I'm um...going to go get Rach from school-"

"I could do it for you San, you don't have to-"

I cut Quinn off, "No. I need some alone time. I...I'm going to leave now, be a little early." I stood up next to my best friend. "I'll um...call you later. I...I have to go." I needed to get out of here. I couldn't handle the awkward silence. I didn't want to be near Quinn as she was processing last night's and today's events.

We both filed out of the house and into our individual cars. I peeled out of the drive way as fast as I could. I just had to get out of there. I had to get away from people, in general, I needed alone time. I needed time to sort myself and find a mask to hide my pain before I saw my little sister again.

* * *

Quinn sat in her car and watched her best friend reverse out of the driveway and speed away. Once Santana's car was no longer in sight the blonde slammed her head on the steering wheel as tears clouded her vision. She was so torn. She didn't know what to do. In her gut, the teen knew that she should involve Shelby. She knew that Santana shouldn't handle this on her own and she knew that she wasn't qualified to help her best friend as much as she would like to. They were only sixteen. She beat her head on the steering wheel again. Santana said she didn't want her mom to know though, she should get what she wants, especially now… The blonde's thoughts trailed back to their earlier conversation. Santana said he took her license. This awful monster knows where she lives, knows where Shelby lives, where Rachel…. Quinn's head shot up. She had to call Shelby. She had to tell her. Santana needs help, more help than she could give her and she knows that Mama Lopez would have more knowledge of what to do or what to say. And when it came to Rachel, Quinn would die for her. She would never let anything happen to that beautiful little girl. She had to tell Shelby about Santana's…attack.

The blonde reached across and fished her phone out of her purse. She took a deep breath before dialing Shelby's cell phone number.

"_You have reached Shelby Lopez, I apologize for not being able to answer the phone at the moment-" _

Quinn quickly hung up the phone. She couldn't leave a voicemail. Not about this. She groaned in frustration. She quickly scrolled through her address book and called a different number. The phone rang and rang. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up your phone. Please.

"Lopez." Shelby's voice rang through the speaker.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello all! Just a quick "Thank you"! Your reviews mean SO much. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 5  


The phone rang and rang. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up your phone. Please. "Lopez." Shelby's voice came through the speaker.

"Mama Lopez, Hi!" Quinn rushed nervously into her phone. She cleared her throat, "It's Quinn."

"Oh, hey hun? Why are you calling my office line? Is everything ok?"

Quinn paused trying to think of what to say. "You uh...didn't answer your cell. I um ...kind of wanted...needed to tell you something. It's...important." Her voice was broken, she couldn't help it.

"Quinn what is going on? Are you in trouble?" Shelby was beginning to panic.

Quinn grasped the phone tighter in her hand. She needed to pull it together, "I'm not in trouble. I just needed to see if I could stop by? Do you have time to take a break to grab some coffee or something?"

"I guess I could...?" Shelby was now confused, "Quinn? What is it?"

The blonde ignored her last question and replied, "Great! I'm going to be by the practice in about 30 minutes! See you then!" She hung up before her best friend's mom could ask any more questions. She had to do this, she reminded herself. Santana needs help. More help than she could give her. She didn't care that San would be mad at her, she would be madder at herself if her best friend ended up getting hurt again. Or if Rachel or Shelby got hurt. She nodded her head. Yup, had to do this.

* * *

Quinn drove over to Shelby's practice and sat in the car trying to think of how she was going to say it. How was she supposed to look Santana's mom in the face and tell her what San had said happened? This was going to be beyond difficult, but it had to be done. She took a deep breath and started for her best friend's mother's office.

"Here goes nothing," She breathed as she opened the door to find Shelby reading over files at her desk.

Shelby stood up and walked around her desk pulling Quinn into a tight hug, kissing the top of her head like she has done for years. Shelby was much more than just her friend's mom. She was like another mother to the young girl, which made this even more difficult. Shelby could read Quinn's body language and feel the tension in the room. "Quinn, do you want to sit down?" she pointed to the chair opposite her desk and walked herself over to sit where she had been previously sitting minutes ago.

Quinn gave a nervous nod and made her way to the chair. She sat down and looked Shelby in the face, trying her hardest not to break down herself. She decided to just rip off the bandaid. Do it fast. "Um...so this is about San's...um...fight." Quinn slowly choked out the words.

Shelby sat up taller at her desk and stared intently at the young blonde's face raising an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

"I um...She...Well..." Quinn fumbled over her words. She let out a sigh and deflated, "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is always a good place." Shelby said matter of factly, "I had a feeling that you girls were not telling me something." She sighed.

Quinn paused. "We... we went to that party that San told you about." She watched as Shelby gave a big sigh and continued, "Um... Brittany, she picked Rachel up from dance and dropped her off...San and I rode together to Puck's..."

There was an awkward silence. The blonde was watching as the older brunette was getting more and more angry. She nodded for her to continue.

Quinn cleared her throat nervously. "Once we got there...San and I split up..." she changed her focus down to her hands, suddenly finding her nail beds to be amazing before she continued, "I uh...was kinda...busy...with this guy and I thought...I just figured..." Quinn took a deep breath willing herself to pull it together. "I thought Santana was with Puck."

"Quinn Nicole Fabray what do you mean 'busy with' a guy?" Quinn flinched at her full name and Shelby's all too familiar 'scary voice'.

"No. Um, not...'with with'... We were just... we were just ...making out." Quinn rushed quickly.

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes with a sigh, "Continue Quinn, we'll talk about this later, I have a feeling this wasn't the point of you coming here. Was it?" She watched the young blonde shake her head. "Then let's go honey, I have work I need to get back to if I'm ever going to be able to relax tonight."

Quinn took a deep breath; Shelby wasn't going to be able to relax after hearing what she had to say. Quinn sat up straighter in her chair, bringing her eyes to meet Shelby's. She had to do this.

"There was no fight after school. The entire story was made up. I lied. We didn't go to Twisty Treat. Right up until Santana and I split up at Puck's party, San was completely fine." Quinn watched Shelby's brow furrow, she continued quickly before Shelby could ask any questions, "Brittany was the one who pointed out that Santana wasn't at the party anymore, we searched the house and realize she wasn't there. I went out front just in time to see her car driving away from the party. I just ...I figured that you came home early or something and that she was busted."

Shelby scoffed while shaking her head, again the young blonde continued talking, cutting the older brunette off and forcing her to listen without questions.

"I tried calling her though and she wouldn't answer so I had Brittany drive me to your house..." Quinn trailed off, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. She had to say it. She opened her eyes again and looked straight into Shelby's eyes. "At the party... Santana was… raped." Quinn continued to hold Shelby's gaze even though her own eyes were rapidly filling with tears.

Shelby jerked her head backwards, not expecting to hear the words that just flew out of Quinn's mouth. Her eyebrows furrowed as she watched tears fall down Quinn's face, the words were bouncing around in her head. Raped? "Oh god! Oh my god! Oh my god." Shelby's hand shot over her mouth as her own tears finally cascaded down her face.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you...She didn't want...but I couldn't not tell you...not after...Mama Lopez I'm sorry." Quinn was crying.

"H-h-how do you know? I mean...are you...god, are you sure?" Shelby spoke through her hand and tears.

Quinn nodded her head and wiped away some tears. "I...She was different after the party. She...she was hurt and in pain...and jumpy...then at night...she told me."

"All the….her injuries? She didn't get into a fight?...they are from…." Shelby's sentences were scattered, she was breathing quickly.

Quinn nodded her head.

The injuries that Shelby thought were from a fist fight the night before…the ones she scolded her on this morning were really from some man…forcing himself on her beautiful daughter. Shelby shook her head and drew in a shaky breath, "W-who?"

Quinn knew Shelby was asking who the attacker was. Shelby needed details to make it true, but unfortunately Quinn didn't have those answers. The young blonde slowly shrugged her shoulders, "I...I don't know..."

Shelby gasped for air then put her head in her hands and cried heavy sobs. Watching her break down made Quinn's heart rip in half. The blonde stood and walked around the desk to the crying woman. She gently bent over and pulled her into a hug, crying on to Shelby's shoulders while stroking her hair.

After a couple minutes of this, Shelby's sobs started to subside; she reached her arm around Quinn and hugged her back, rubbing circles into the young girls back. They stayed in this position when Shelby started talking again, "Where is she now?"

"She went to get Rachel from dance. I brought her to...a clinic today. We uh...skipped school and went to a clinic. We got in a fight after...She was upset and...and then she left to get Rachel. I...I had to tell you. S-s-she couldn't do it, she told me not to. She is going to be so so so upset..." Quinn started crying harder into Shelby's shoulder.

"Shh...Quinn. I am so thankful that you told me." She paused, "We need to go home. I...I need to be...I have to see her. I need you to take care of Rachel; will you do that for me?"

Quinn nodded into Shelby's shoulder.

Shelby took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. "Ok, thank you." She grabbed the younger girl's chin and brought her gaze to meet her own eyes, "You did nothing wrong by telling me. You hear me?" Shelby didn't give Quinn the opportunity to answer, "Let's go."

Shelby turned off her computer and walked briskly out of her office with Quinn turning the lights off and locking the door. She needed to be home when Santana got home. Her eyes began to water again but she willed the tears back in, she needed to be strong for her daughter.

* * *

My stomach is pounding, my body is aching and I am exhausted. All I want to do is go straight to my bed when I get home. I don't care that it isn't even dinner time yet. I need to shower, try to clean my stomach and I need to seclude myself to my room. I pull into our driveway. Two cars were already parked there. "Mom is home early! Why is Quinn here again?" My sister asks from the backseat.

"Um, I have no clue." I answer honestly. I thought she was going to go home. Why is mom home?

Rachel exits the car and runs ahead of me into the house. I slowly make my way in and close the door, locking it behind me. Rachel is running up the stairs. "I'm gonna go shower and change!" She calls over her shoulder to the house.

I slowly walk down the hallway past the kitchen and into the den trying my hardest to walk without a limp or a grimace. My mom is home. I need to hold it together. The house was silent other than the sound of the shower being turned on and running. I enter the den and see my mom standing up from the couch looking at me with pained eyes. What is going on? I stop walking as I glance over at Quinn who is sitting next to her in the arm chair. I look at Quinn's face. She's been crying? Oh no... I slowly bring my eyes to meet my mother's face. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. She had been crying recently too. She had a strange look in her eye.

She knew.

"No. No no no nonono..." I start backing up down the hallway slowly as realization hit me. My mom knows what happened.

She took a step forward, fresh tears in her eyes. "Santana..."

This. This is not good. He said no one could know. I didn't want my mom to know. She is my mom. I back up into the wall behind me. My mom closes the gap between us and pulls me into a tight hug. The pressure this puts on my stomach is painful but I cling to my mom tightly as I sob into her neck. I'm shaking my head back and forth, this can't be happening.

"Shhh... shhh...Mommy has you. Shh..." Her soothing voice whispers into my ear as she strokes the back of my head tenderly with one hand while holding my weight in her other with her hug. Her voice is uneven. I feel wetness on my shoulder, she is crying too. She pulled me back from her and gently ran her hand over my now blackened eye then wiped my tears from my face with her thumb. I cast my eyes downward so I wouldn't see the hurt on her face. "Baby, I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. I didn't know..." She sharply pulled me into another hug. I unintentionally let out a painful gasp, which made her pull me back away from her. "Santana. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

This is too much for me. My stomach is throbbing. I just wanted to go to my room. I didn't want any of this. I look past my mom and meet Quinn's tearful eyes. I hesitated. "N-n-no." I stutter softly. They can't know. I need to shower. "I can't…I can't do this. I need to…I need to use the bathroom…Please, just let me use the bathroom…" I immediately stared down at the floor, breaths were hitching in my chest making it difficult to speak clearly.

"Santana..." Quinn started towards me hesitantly; she had tears in her eyes.

My mother looked over her shoulder towards Quinn then looked back in my direction. She sighed when she realized I had no intention of looking into her eyes. "Go ahead and use my bathroom sweetie, we'll wait out here for you." I didn't wait for her to finish the sentence; I slowly made my way towards her bedroom door, trying my hardest to walk without a limp again, and entered the bathroom that was right inside the entrance to her master bedroom.

Once I made it to her bathroom I quickly shut the door behind me, using it to hold up my body weight. After I slowed my breathing and willed the tears in my eyes I walked towards my mom's huge mirror.

I lifted up my sweatshirt to see that a little blood had soaked its way through my crummy bandage job that I had quickly thrown together this morning. I shook my head as more tears rushed down my face. My stomach felt like it was pulsating. I hissed out in pain as I slowly stripped away the bandages and gauze that were now dirty from my wound. Once everything was removed I looked into the mirror. My stomach looked angry. It was red and puffy around every letter. It screamed 'WHORE' at me, furiously.

Images flashed before my eyes. His voice calling me a whore echoed in my head. It all made me nauseous. I couldn't look at myself anymore. I quickly turned away from the mirror. I had to clean my stomach. I couldn't afford for it to get an infection. I found disinfecting alcohol underneath my mom's sink. More tears rushed down my face at the mere thought of the alcohol touching my cut up flesh, this was going to hurt, but it was something I had to do.

* * *

Quinn watched with tear-filled eyes as her best friend slowly made her way past them towards Shelby's bathroom. Once she heard the bathroom door close she let herself fall back down onto the couch she was previously sitting on. So many thoughts were making their way through her head. Her gut told her that telling Shelby was the right thing to do, but she couldn't help but feel like she betrayed her best friend. Santana looked so defeated, so hurt. The blonde shook her head.

"You did the right thing by telling me, hunny." Shelby said, almost like she was reading Quinn's thoughts. The older woman sat next to Quinn on the couch and grabbed her hand in her own.

"I know…I just…I wish it would just all go away. That it would all be better instantaneously. I just…I feel…I just feel so much right now." The blonde was staring straight ahead at the blank wall.

"I know." Shelby said quietly. "I know." She repeated as silence overcame them. They didn't have anything else to say. Their minds were racing.

Suddenly a noise got their attention. It was faint. Quinn looked at Shelby questioningly to see if she had heard it too. Then it happened again. And again. Quinn listened harder. She heard sobbing. Then the noise again, it was Santana's voice. "Damn it!" Santana's cry was clearly audible now.

Quinn instantly jumped up from the couch to make her way towards the crying girl. Shelby's hand stopped her. The young blonde looked inquisitively at Shelby.

Shelby stood from the couch. "I'll go, Quinn. It isn't your job…I have this."

Quinn didn't move. Another cry from Santana made its way to their ears. Quinn was so conflicted. "I can go check on her…I don't mind."

Shelby gave Quinn a soft smile, "It's something I need to do Quinn." She saw the blonde's look of unease. She knew that Quinn just needed to feel helpful; she needed to help her friend. Shelby spoke again, "Would you mind going upstairs and helping Rachel start her homework and maybe pick up her room a little?" Quinn hesitated so Shelby continued, "Please sweetheart. Rachel needs to stay upstairs for a while. San and I will be in my room."

The blonde teen slowly started nodding her head. Another cry rang out from Shelby's bathroom. Quinn caved and started walking towards the stairs. She knew that Santana needed help. She knew that Shelby would be able to be better help than she could be; it was why she told her in the first place. Quinn wiped the loose tears that were left in her eyes.

"Quinn?" Shelby called out to the blonde who paused at the bottom of the stairs, "Thank you."

Once Quinn disappeared up the stairs Shelby turned and walked towards her bathroom. The closer she got to the bathroom the louder the crying became. She picked up her pace when she heard her daughter hissing out profanities every other second between cries. What was going on? Shelby swung the bathroom door open quickly.

* * *

Suddenly the bathroom door swung open. My back was to the door but I knew exactly who it was. "Mom, please go away." I managed to choke out between tears.

I had my sweatshirt off along with my bra. I was completely exposed from the waist up and I couldn't have her see me like this. I froze with the disinfectant in one hand and my bloodied cloth in the other, trying best to hide it from my mom's view. My mom was silent. I looked over my shoulder and saw through the mirror that she was staring at the bloodied bandages that I had taken off previously that were now sitting on her bathroom counter. I shake my head as more tears fall. "Please….leave me alone, I can do this."

My mom snapped out of the daze she was in and shook her head, she started walking towards me. I started to panic. I couldn't have her see what he did to me. I didn't want her to see my bruised wrists, or the bite marks he left on my breast. I definitely didn't want her to see the word etched into my stomach. My stomach is throbbing from the disinfectant but I need to try to pull it together, "I'm fine…please get out. I need to do this on my own."

"San…" My mom's voice is quiet and sad. I don't need to look at her to know that she has tears running down her face. She clears her throat and takes another step towards me, "What do you have there?…I can help you sweetie."

My heart started beating faster as my mom got closer to me. I walked forward and turned to face the corner of the bathroom to insure that my mom couldn't see my damaged front. "Please… don't." I was crying harder and holding onto the cloth and disinfectant as tightly as I could.

"Santana, I love you. I need you to let me see what you have there." When my mom noticed that I didn't move she cleared her throat and continued, "Either you can let me help, or we can take you to another doctor. You are crying and cursing, there is blood…you need medical help baby and I will not leave until you get that."

I hung my head as my mom spoke as more tears rushed down my cheeks. How did I end up here? All I wanted to do was go to Puck's party and somehow I am now hiding in the corner of my mom's bathroom trying desperately to clean my torn breast and carved stomach. My whole body is throbbing. My eyes burn from crying. I shake my head, "I can't….I can't go to a doctor….I can't… your touch would hurt me…and you're my mom…."

"Sweetie, just turn around…let me help you."

"I can't…" I feel like I'm a broken record. I shake my head. He said no one could know. I don't want my mom to see me like this. I heard her moving closer to me. I scooted further into the corner.

"No! Mom, please just...just leave me. Please..." I was begging between painful sobs as I wrapped my arms around my stomach gently.

"Santana, I will not leave you. Ever. Especially when I know you are in pain. Honey, I can help you feel better. Please." My mom was right behind me now.

"Mom...I feel disgusting. I...I need t-t-to shower again. I can do it myself...I...I can't have you see..." I don't know what to do. I don't want her to see any of it.

"Baby, please turn around. We can go shower after I take care of you, I promise. You are in pain Santana, it is all over your face and I can hear it in your voice. There is blood on those bandages. I can't ignore that. If something is wrong then San...I need to help...Now please, turn around."

I didn't want my mom to know. I didn't want her to know, and now she does, to a certain extent. But if she sees my wounds, she's going to know exactly what happened. I can't have that. He said I couldn't tell anyone; he said that no one could find out. I don't want my mom to look at me that way. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I panicked and let out a short loud yell as I dropped the disinfectant to the ground.

"I'm sorry baby." My mom instantly withdrew her hand from my shoulder.

I could barely hear my mom apologizing. I didn't mean to flinch like that. In my head I knew it was my mom, but all I could feel was him grabbing me from behind. The disinfectant dropping and making a loud bang made me jump again. Loud noises. I can't do them. Unexpected touches. I can't do them either. I shake my head. He messed up my entire world. He did this. I let him to do this. My legs instantly crumble underneath me and I quickly fall to the ground, despite my body's protests. I bury my face in my hands and sob into them. I'm crying because I am in so much pain. I'm crying because I am ashamed and embarrassed. I'm crying because I am terrified. I didn't want any of this to happen. None of this was supposed to happen.

I was crying so hard, I realized I was gasping for air. I felt my mother gently wrap her robe around my shoulders and soon I was pulled into my mother's arms. I brought my knees in towards me and folded my arms over my chest, sitting in a ball on the bathroom floor as my mother sat behind me, holding me tightly.

"Shhhh….Breathe baby…Breathe." My mom was repeating quietly into my ear as she started to gently rock me side to side. I leaned my head back onto her shoulder and cried harder as she rested her head in the crook of my neck.

"I didn't want this. I didn't….I didn't want this…I didn't want any of this." I realized I was repeating this thought out loud between my hiccupped sobs.

My mom continued to murmur quietly into my ear as she rocked me gently. Eventually, I was able to control my breathing. My eyes stung and my nose was stuffy from all the crying. I was a mess. I was a mess sitting on the bathroom floor half naked with my mom sitting behind me attempting to calm me down.

"Santana…" I closed my eyes; I knew what my mom was going to say before she said it. I can't. "Please let me see what is wrong."

I kept my eyes closed and didn't move. "I…can't. I…I don't want you to see. You can't see."

I felt my mom take a deep breath. "Ok, then we can go see Ruth. I'll drive, we'll go together." My mom's best friend, Ruth, co-owned the practice with her. Her and my mom were more like sisters than best friends. She is both me and Rachel's godmother and has been in our lives from the beginning. "Come on, baby." My mom started to move slowly.

I quickly protested, "No!" I didn't mean to yell but I was panicking again. My mother paused her movement so I took the time to even my breathing before I found words. "I…I don't want her to…know. I can't..." I shook my head. "The thought of you seeing….it...it hurts…but the thought of….the thought of letting anyone else see? I…I can't do it." I licked my lips and wiped the side of my face with one hand. I was still focusing on the corner in front of me. I refused to turn around and meet my mom's face. I continued, "Quinn doesn't even know. Mommy… please don't make me do it…don't make me show Ruth… or any other doctor."

My mom was silent. If by me refusing to show her my front and having a crying breakdown in the bathroom corner wasn't enough, me telling her that Quinn didn't even know was proof that this something I am hiding is big. It's bad and she knows it. She must be looking for words. I hang my head and rest it on my knees in the awkward silence that blanketed the room.

"Santana. There is blood on these bandages and some on the rag that you dropped. I can't ignore that baby. I'm extremely worried. I won't make you go see Ruth…but you need to let me see. You need to let me help you. It's either me…or Ruth…or we could go find another doctor. There is no fourth option here hunny. Which will it be?"

I didn't pick up my head. I can't show her. I don't want her to see me like this. I didn't want her to know. I feel like my brain is just replaying the same thoughts over and over. He said…He said no one could know. Yet here I am. My mom won't drop this. Me sitting here in a ball on the bathroom floor is only stalling the inevitable. I didn't show Quinn because…because it is awful. It is embarrassing. He left a mark for me to always remember him by. I will always be his 'whore'. The thought of showing my best friend made my stomach flip, but now the thought of showing my mother…it made me nauseous. I know that my mom won't let this go…I'll have to pick one of the three options. I wanted to pound my head into the wall. Why did I try to clean my stomach when my mother was in the next room? Why couldn't I have been quieter, I should have swallowed the pain and sucked it up. My eyes started tearing. Maybe I can go see a random doctor. One that I'll never have to see again. My thoughts instantly reverted back to Dr. Jones' office from earlier in the morning. That visit was horrifyingly awful. I shake my head in my knees as tears fall onto my legs from my face. There is no way I could stomach going through that again. I can't show a complete stranger my carved stomach and tattered nipple. He said I can't tell anyone…My thoughts all keep leading back to that. Two people already know….two too many. I can't. I can't do any of this.

"Come on sweetie." My mom gently brought me out of my frantic panicked thoughts. She was slowly helping me off the floor. The robe still clung around my shoulders. I felt numb. There was nothing I could do, so I just let her help me up.

Once I was standing, I slipped my arms into the robe and pulled it shut around my naked top. I looked down at my hands; the robe was big on me. It covered my wrists. My eyes drifted past my hands and found the disinfectant bottle on its side on the tiled floor, next to it was my bloodied rag. What did I do? Why was I so careless? My mom suddenly stepped in between me and the wall. She bent down to my eye level to catch my distracted gaze. I tied the robe so it wouldn't fall open as I stared back into her eyes.

My mom slowly nodded and gave me a sad side smile. She then grabbed my hand and started to lead me slowly out of her bathroom. I hung my head and followed silently. There wasn't anything I could do. I felt numb, though my entire body ached. When we got to her room she guided me to her king bed. I gently lowered myself down onto the mattress wincing as I sank into it. The wince didn't go unnoticed by my mother. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before dropping it to grab her computer chair and pull it up next to her bed. She positioned it directly in front of me and sat down facing me. I looked down at her robe's long sleeves and pulled on the edges of them. We sat in silence for a while, neither of us knowing what to say. Suddenly I watched as my mother put her hand over mine to stop me from playing with the sleeves, I didn't dare look up. I don't want to be in this moment.

"May I?" I heard her ask. May she what? I didn't give an answer but my mom slowly began rolling up my sleeve on my left hand. I heard her gasp once the dark blue purple bruises were exposed. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I closed my eyes as she rolled up my other sleeve. "Oh honey." My mom's voice was shaky.

My mom barely ever cried. She was always so in control of every situation. She was crying now. Within the past hour she has cried multiple times. I am making her cry. I hate myself so much. For letting this happen, for giving him what he wanted, for liking it, for doing this to my best friend and now my mom. "Rachel can't... Rachel can't know." My voice surprised us both.

My mom didn't reply. She took both of my hands in hers and took a deep breath, "Quinn said she took you to a clinic… but you didn't show them what you are hiding did you?" I didn't move. I didn't speak. "Did you get…an exam?" I couldn't think about this. I didn't want to. She continued, "Santana," my mom's voice was so gentle, "What are you hiding?"

"No." I spoke softly.

"Baby, that wasn't a yes or no question..." She trailed off waiting for a response. When she got none she squeezed my hands. "San lay down ok? I just want...I need to make sure that you are physically ok." My mom stood up and slowly eased my shoulders towards her pillow. I closed my eyes trying my best to get as far away from this as I could. Please don't let this be happening. Please-

"No!" I scream out in panic and close my eyes even tighter. My mom had started untying the robe. I instantly start sobbing. "Please no. Mommy no. Don't. You can't..." her hands quickly disappeared from my body.

"Santana. San...open your eyes baby and look at me."

After a beat I slowly open my eyes as tears flow freely from them, meeting my mother's worried gaze.

"Santana, I need you to undo the robe so I can help. It is just me honey. It's mom. Can I see?"

"No. Mom please just...just leave me alone. Please..." I was begging again between painful sobs as I clutched my stomach gently.

"Santana. No. I will not leave. Ever. We are doing this." Her voice was firm, while being gentle. Was that possible?

I turned my head to the side trying to get as far away from this moment as I could. What else was I going to do? She knows something is wrong. She is my mom and a doctor, every time I had a skinned knee or a bloody nose when I was a kid she always insisted on nursing me back to health. But this, this was different. My stomach was carved up by a...man. He left his mark both emotionally and physically. I'll be a 'whore' forever. I don't want my mom seeing me like that. I don't want to have to look at her after she's seen me like that.

My mom untied the robe. I felt her hands grab both sides and begun to feel the fabric being separated. The cool breeze from her fan started to make contact with my flesh. I felt like it was happening in slow motion. All I could do was grab a handful of her bed comforter in my hands and wait. How did I get here? How did I get to this point?

My heart dropped when I watched my mom's face take in the damage to my stomach. When she read what it said. She let out a gasp and her hand shot to cover her mouth in disbelief, tears pooled down her face. She was staring at it. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall down my cheeks. I feel so dirty, so angry and so upset all at once. I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have told Quinn. None of this should be happening.

My mother finally spoke through her tears, "Oh God, Santana? Baby?"

My eyes remained closed. "God definitely wasn't there mom..." my voice trailed off. My mom was silent again, still staring at 'WHORE' etched into my flesh I am sure.

"Oh, Santana…" She repeated barely above a whisper. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that she just saw the rugged tear marks his teeth left on my breast. There was a silence that filled the room. I kept my eyes closed. I didn't want to see the look on her face again. My breathing was picking up its pace as tears seemed to slip out from my closed lids. I flinched and grabbed the comforter tighter when I felt my mom's cool fingers gently touch my stomach. "These…these cuts are pretty deep." She drew in a deep breath. Her voice was shaky; she was trying so hard to keep it together.

My mom had gone to the bathroom to get disinfectant and q-tips along with some aloe wipes and a handful of bandages. We spent the next hour cleaning my stomach and his bite mark thoroughly. My mom made sure that there was no dirt left in any of my wounds and removed some of the dead skin that surrounded the cuts and tears. The entire time all I could do was squeeze the life out of her comforter and bite my bottom lip to keep from crying out as much as I felt like I should. The entire experience was incredibly painful and tiring.

Once the wounds were cleaned she explained to me which ointment I should apply to the cuts and told me how often I should apply it. She let me lay on her bed under the fan to let the ointment absorb into my flesh before she was going to wrap me up in bandages. As I waited she explained to me how to wrap up my wounds efficiently and correctly, to ensure that the wounds stay clean and concealed.

I was trying hard to pay attention, but my mind continued to drift off. All I wanted to do was sit in the shower. I wanted to scrub the rest of my skin to get him off of me. I finally opened my mouth, "Ok we are done now. Please…please let me be done now." My voice was laced with desperation.

I watched as my mother hesitated. She was thinking everything through making sure she did everything she needed to for my stomach and breast, I could tell by the look on her face. Her eyes scanned me from my head to my toes, she cleared her throat, "Is…is there anywhere else that is hurting you San?"

I turn my head to face away from her. Silence fills the room quickly. In between my legs there was a throbbing pain, but there is no way I would ever admit to it. I don't need my mom insisting to check me, and I don't need her insisting to let someone else check me. Dr. Jones was a complete disaster; I never want to go through another exam again. As I look away from my mom I shake my head. "No." I took a deep breath trying to make my voice stronger, so it sounded believable, "No…I'm fine."

My mom drew in a deep breath. "You are walking…with a limp…I don't know how I missed it this morning...I'm sorry-"

I look over at my mom again, my breathing has gotten heavier. I need this conversation to end, it cannot go where it is heading. I cut off my mom, "It's Ok."

"It's not. It really isn't. Santana if you need me to look at you…if you need me to check you, I can," My mom says gently.

I shake my head wildly, "Absolutely not. No mom. No…No. I'm fine. I just...I need this to be done."

I watched my mom sigh again. She was looking at me, taking in everything. I know she could tell that I was in pain; I'm clearly not good at covering it up. She must have seen the panic that was starting to set into my eyes because she put her hands up, "Ok baby…ok. But…I need you to promise me that you will come to me if you need me. I need you to come to me if things get worse…or if they don't get better, do you understand?"

All I could do was quietly nod my head.

My mom continued, "I'm not kidding Santana, your health is not something I am willing to negotiate with you."

"Okay." I stated simply. I look back up and meet her eyes, "I'm…I'm going to go shower. Can I…can I use your shower?" I ask as I slowly sit up. I let out a few whimpers and hisses as I move to a sitting position, I can't control it.

My mom looks deeply into my eyes. I can see that she is disappointed. I think she really wants me to talk about this with her, but I can't do it. She has all these questions on the tip of her tongue, I can tell, but I can't answer them. I need to shower. I need to get out from under my mom's gaze. I am looking at her waiting for her to respond. "Yes baby of course, make sure you are careful." She says hesitating again, "Do you need any help?"

"No," I say really sharply and quick. I clear my throat, "Sorry." I hadn't meant to be that strong. "No," I say again in a more gentle quiet tone. "I just…I just need to shower."

My mom nods her head and stands up from her computer chair, "Go ahead then, I'll be waiting out in the living room for when you're done, if you need me at all just yell." With that my mom leaned in to kiss the top of my head. I flinched away from the sudden movement.

Pain is etched instantly all over my mom's face. "Sorry," I say quickly to my mom as I close my eyes. I hadn't meant to do that. I don't know why I flinched. It was just my mom. But all I could picture was his fists coming down quickly towards my face. I shake my head as my eyes are still closed, "Sorry," I repeat again.

My mom doesn't reply she simply turns to leave the room. She is walking at a quicker pace than normal. I know she is trying to leave the room before I can see her crying again. As soon as the door closes behind her I hear a quiet sob from the other side of the door. It breaks my heart. My mom never cries. She never cries. I've broken her too.

* * *

Santana had started the shower about ten minutes ago. Quinn and Rachel were still upstairs in Rachel's room, thankfully. This was the first time Shelby had had time to herself alone since finding out about what happened to her daughter. She had been crying the entire ten minutes since leaving her bedroom.

Shelby was currently sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest, resting her head into her lap as the tears continued to fall down her face. The loud sobs had stopped. She had recognized that she needed to be quieter if she didn't want Rachel to run downstairs asking a million questions and if she didn't want Santana to know how much it hurt to have her flinch away from her kiss.

Everything was a disaster right now. How had this happened to her daughter? Why didn't she see it last night? Shelby pulled at her hair in frustration, "I yelled at her this morning." She said to herself. She couldn't believe that she hadn't been able to see how much pain Santana was in. She is a children's doctor for crying out loud, and she missed all the signs that are so blatantly obvious that something was wrong with her own daughter. She couldn't forgive herself. She shouldn't have been so hard on her daughter. She shouldn't have had to have Quinn come and tell her. She should have made her daughter talk to her last night, instead of simply bringing her Advil and a cold rag. How did she miss something this huge?

Without warning there was a loud knock on the front door. Shelby's head popped up from her lap. Rachel and Quinn were upstairs. Santana's shower was still running. The tall brunette woman stood up from the couch and combed her fingers through her hair after she wiped the tear streams from her face. Her eyebrows furrowed, "Who could that be?"

Shelby walked with a brisk pace towards the front door. She swung the door open and was instantly met with the smell of alcohol. She scrunched her nose as she took in the appearance of the young boy who stood on the other side of the door.

"Yo Mama Lopez, how's it hangin'?" Puck stumbled towards the door. He hiccupped causing the smell of tequila to meet Shelby's nose.

Shelby shook her head; she couldn't stand this kid, now more so than ever. "It's Mrs. Lopez." Shelby corrected the drunk teen, "Now is not really a good time Noah-"

"It's Puck," he corrected.

Shelby held her tongue and took a breath. "Puck? Right…" She continued, "I'm sorry but I'm going to need to ask you to go back home. Have a good night." She started to close the door.

The door was almost closed when the drunk boy started banging on it again frantically, "Woah woah woah! Hold up!" The door was opened again by Shelby. She really couldn't stand this kid. Puck continued without apologizing for his behavior, "It's still my birthday. I wanted to see Santana. She has a present for me." Puck wiggled his eyebrows at Shelby and started to stumble towards the door again.

Shelby was disgusted. Santana had a present for him? Shelby stuck her hand out and put it on Puck's chest to deny him entry into her home. He instantly jumped back from the unexpected halt. Shelby tried to remain calm. "You need to leave. Like I said, Santana isn't feeling well Noah, I'll have her give you a call when she is up to it." She wanted to bash his head in the wall.

"What the fuck man! She disappeared last night. She's been ignoring my fuckin calls all day today, now this? This is BULLSHIT!" Puck screamed loudly at Shelby.

Shelby lost it, "Excuse me young man, but what is bullshit is you being allowed to throw crazy parties where god knows how many underage kids participate in drinking, drugs and sex. What is bullshit is that your parents let you get away with acting like a hooligan. Your immature behavior is getting people hurt: THAT is bullshit. I said to go home. Now get the hell off my property or I _will _call the cops." With that Shelby slammed the door shut in his face. She was breathing heavy. She turned her back to the door to support her weight.

Puck slammed his fists into the door. "Man, fuck you AND your daughter!" The angry teen yelled through the door. Shelby could hear him making his way down the porch steps.

Tears sprung to her eyes as she slowly slid down the door to the floor. If it wasn't for him than none of this would be happening. She shook her head. Shelby knew it was unfair to blame that boy for what that awful man did, but had it not been for his birthday party then maybe Santana wouldn't have been there. Maybe none of this would have happened.

"Mama Lopez?" Quinn's voice broke through Shelby's train of thought.

Shelby instantly started wiping the tears from her eyes. Quinn finished walking down the stairs and sat next to Shelby by the front door. The blonde reached over and grabbed Shelby's hand. They sat in silence a while as Shelby finished wiping stray tears.

"Who was that at the door?" Quinn finally asked.

Shelby shook her head, "Noah, or Puck or Puckzilla…whatever the hell his name is."

Quinn's frowned, "What was he doing here?"

Shelby looked over to Quinn, "He was here to see Santana. He was drunk." Quinn nodded her head in understanding. Shelby watched the young girl sit in silence. She remembered what the teen boy had said. She continued, "He said Santana had a present for him? Did she use my card to buy him anything?" Shelby watched Quinn's eyes get big and then quickly recover.

"Um, I'm not sure. I mean…no. She didn't use your card again. We learned after last time that that is a big no no…" Quinn nervously started twirling her hair in her hands.

Shelby looked at the girl, something wasn't being said. "Quinn…" She warned.

"I don't know what he meant by that…maybe he meant…" Quinn looked at Shelby and could tell that the older woman knew she was lying. "I uh…I don't know what he meant," she tried.

"Quinn," Shelby warned as she raised her eyebrows.

Quinn gave a heavy sigh, "Don't be mad."

Shelby furrowed her brows, "Why would I be mad?"

There was no way she was getting out of this one. Quinn sighed again before continuing, "Um...well, Santana….she was planning on…at the party she was going to..."

"Spit it out Quinn." Shelby meant business. She could tell something big was trying to be kept from her. She had to know.

Quinn sighed. "Santana was planning on having sex with him for his birthday...Birthday sex."

Shelby's eyes grew wide. She had to coach herself to breathe. "Birthday sex?" She repeated, mostly to herself. She shook her head. "Explain. Now."

Quinn's eyes darted around the house. Why did she always have to be the one to tell her everything? She twisted her hair some more. "Um…yea. Birthday…sex. San…she's been waiting. She wanted to wait a while before she….lost it. And at the party she was…she was planning on letting him have it. It was going to be his birthday present..."Quinn felt nauseous. She couldn't believe she was saying this.

Shelby was confused. This couldn't be true. "What do you mean 'it'? Have what?"

Quinn met the older woman's gaze with sad eyes. Was she really going to have to say this? Shelby was waiting for her answer. She had to. "Her…virginity."

"What?" Shelby felt like someone knocked the wind from her lungs. She began to shake her head. Her daughter was planning on having sex? She was going to sleep with THAT miscreant? She was going to start having sex at 16 years old? What was she thinking? Then suddenly everything hit her like a truck. Santana was a virgin before the party. Her baby was a virgin when that man...

"Oh my god." Shelby covered her mouth with her hand.

Quinn watched as her words sunk into Shelby's mind. She watched as Shelby realized what that meant. She watched Shelby tuck her legs into her chest and bury her head into them as she started crying heavily. All Quinn could do is watch. Tears made their way down her face. She has known this woman for half of her life, but she had never seen her like this. Shelby was always the strong one. She always knew exactly what to say and what to do. Everything was falling apart. However, as quick as the dam burst, suddenly Shelby was gluing it back together again. She raised her head from her knees and wiped her face with her sleeve. Quinn watched in awe as Shelby pulled herself back together. Quinn had always been so amazed by how incredible Shelby was as a person.

Shelby drew in a shaky breath trying to make her breathing even again. She couldn't have a break down. She couldn't lose control, not when her girls needed her. She remembered Quinn was sitting next to her and instantly knew she needed to pull it together. She needed to address something with Quinn. It was something that she had been putting off with Santana that she now wished she hadn't. The girls were growing up so fast, they were still so young. She didn't realize that they were getting to that age when this talk should have made its appearance; she thought she had a few more years still before she would have to sit down and do this. She sighed and shook her head as she briefly closed her eyes. She knew that Quinn's parents wouldn't be talking to her about this, and she loved the girl like one of her own so it left the task on her shoulders.

Shelby turned to face Quinn. She leaned her shoulder against the door and grabbed Quinn's hand in her own and watched as the young girl watched her with confused eyes. Shelby gave the young girl a small soft smile. Quinn's look changed from confused to unsure. Shelby's face turned serious, she took a deep breath. "Are you having sex?"

Quinn's face dropped. She was not expecting this at all. What was happening? Her stomach was doing flips. How did the conversation turn to focus on her? How did Shelby just go from crying into her knees to staring intently into her eyes asking her such a loaded question? Her breathing started to get quicker. She could swear that her palms were beginning to sweat. Her eyes darted around the room again, looking everywhere but at the older woman she has come to accept as her second mom. This was not something she wanted Shelby to know about herself. Her eyes started to water.

Shelby watched the color drain from Quinn's face. She watched her reaction. The young girl was visibly freaking out. She could see her blinking rapidly to keep the tears that brimmed her eyes from falling. This gave her her answer. She nodded her head gently. It was what she was afraid of. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, "Oh, baby." Shelby brought her hand up and cupped Quinn's cheek, wiping a stray tear with her thumb. "You girls should have come to me, talked to me first."

Shelby looked at Quinn, waiting for her to say something. Quinn was trying her hardest to keep it together, she felt so ashamed of herself. This was not a side of herself that she ever wanted Shelby to know about. "I'm sorry..." Quinn barely said above a whisper.

Shelby shook her head and took her hand from Quinn's face. She grasped the young girls hand again. "It's ok Quinn, I just...this worries me so much. You are still so young, there are so many things that can go wrong with sex...I just...I wish you came to talk to me first." She took another deep breath. "Sex is...complicated. It is meant to be special. You have to be so very careful. If you are not careful it can really be harmful not only physically but emotionally. There are STDs to think about and unwanted pregnancy..."

Quinn was trying her very best not to break down and cry into the older woman's arms. This talk was not something she wanted to be having. Not at all. She watched as Shelby's eyes grew wide.

"Please tell me you are using condoms. Every time." Shelby caught her eyes and held her gaze.

Quinn quickly responded, "Yes, of course I do... I make every guy wear one, no exceptions." Quinn instantly closed her eyes realizing what she just said.

"Every guy?" Shelby felt light headed. "There...there are multiple guys?" She was only 16. Shelby started to feel nauseous thinking about it. She opened her eyes and saw the pained expression on Quinn's face. She knew the girl hadn't meant to share that with her. What's done is done, there is nothing she can do about Quinn's past. The goal here is to educate her for her future, Shelby reminded herself. She continued, "Quinn, sweetheart. I know...I know things are complicated at home. I know that you are called horrible names, and broken down by vicious words. None of them are true, baby. You don't need to go around and sleep with guys to try to make yourself feel anything. And you certainly don't need to sleep around to get away from your problems, It isn't healthy. You are beautiful and smart; you have such an amazing future ahead of yourself."

Quinn finally spoke up, cutting off her second mother; she didn't want to hear anymore. Her voice was low and quiet while her eyes looked down at her hands being held by Shelby's. "I...I'm not going to be doing it again. I can't...not after Santana's...I can't possibly...not now, not after..." Tears rolled down her cheeks. She leaned forward and fell into Shelby's lap. She rested in the woman's lap with silent tears making her way down her face as Shelby gently brushed through her hair. They were both silent, caught up in their own thoughts.

A while passed and they both remained like this, then Rachel made her way down the stairs. "Mama? Quinn? What's going on?"

Shelby and Quinn instantly shot up into a sitting position. "Hey boo," Quinn found her words first. "Nothing is going on; we are just having a cuddling session." She put a smile on her face to try to convince the younger girl.

"While sitting on the wood floor at the front door?" Rachel asked with a questioning look on her face.

"Yea Rach, you've never tried it?"

Rachel looked at her waiting to catch her face falter, to see her mess up and be able to catch her in her lie. It never happened. "No..." She answered slowly.

Quinn and Shelby stood up from the floor and brushed out their clothes. "Is your homework done?" Shelby smiled at the young girl to change the subject.

"Yes...I just finished it. Is dinner done?" Rachel asked back with her unsure expression unchanged.

Quinn looked up at Shelby, she knew that the woman hadn't had time to make dinner; she was too busy talking to Santana...and dealing with Puck...and herself. Quinn frowned; she was disappointed in herself for adding to Shelby's stress. Shelby brought Quinn out of her trance, "We are going to order pizza tonight." Shelby smiled up to her youngest daughter.

Then the shower turned off in the other room.

Rachel looked around the banister in the direction of her mother's bathroom. "Is Santana just getting out of the shower? She's been in there forever!" The young girl snapped her head around to look at her mom.

"Rachel, don't start." Shelby gave a warning glance.

"But, mom! It's such a waste-"

"Rachel, is your room clean?" Shelby changed the subject.

Rachel stomped her foot angrily on the stairs. Throwing a miniature temper tantrum only an eight year old would do. "Mom, we are talking about Santana!"

"If your room is not clean then I suggest you go clean it before I go get the pizza." Rachel looked at Shelby with disbelief. Shelby continued, "Go on. I'll be up soon to see your progress."

Rachel gave an exaggerated sigh and started walking up the stairs with heavy feet. "This is so unfair." She said loudly for her mother and Quinn to hear.

Shelby called out to her, "I love you, boo."

"I love you too...but it doesn't mean that I have to like you right now." Rachel grumbled back as she turned the corner for her bedroom.

Quinn couldn't help but smile. Rachel has always been like a little sister to her. Rachel was just a new born when she and Santana started being friends, so she has literally been able to watch her grow up. It's been quite the experience.

Shelby turned to Quinn again, "This conversation isn't over, we will be talking about this further, but right now I have to go check on San. You are more than welcome to stay for dinner."

Quinn gave a sad smile back to Shelby and began to twirl her hair again. "No, I should probably go home. My parents will be calling me soon if I don't..." Quinn looked up at Shelby and met her eyes, "Thank you." Those words were thanking her for more than just the invite to dinner, both of them knew it.

Shelby wrapped her arms around the blonde and kissed the top of her head. "I love you." She said into the young girl's hair. She slowly pulled away from the blonde and gave her a smile before starting to walk down the hall towards her bedroom; she had to check in on Santana. "Don't forget to lock the door behind you, sweetie." She called over her shoulder as she stood in front of her bedroom. Her youngest daughter was right: Santana's shower was quite lengthy. She took a deep breath and entered her room closing the door behind her.

Once the door was closed Shelby took a minute to take a few deep breaths and collect herself. The conversation with Noah and Quinn just revealed so much more about her daughter that she didn't know before. Her daughter was planning on giving her virginity away as a gift. Like it was a prize. However instead a wicked man took it from her and beat her up in the process. On top of all of that Quinn was sleeping around; both of them are sixteen years old. Much too young for any of this. All of this was so much. However, right now she needed to be 100% ok for her daughter's sake. Shelby leaned on the door for support as she forced herself to suck the tears back into her eyes and take deep breaths.

Suddenly, the shower turned back on and the sound of rushing water filled her bedroom. Shelby furrowed her eyebrows then quickly reached for the closed bathroom door. Her daughter had been in the shower a long time already and had turned it off only moments ago. Why was she turning it back on again?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am so so grateful that I am getting such a great feedback for this story. I can't thank you readers enough. I love hearing your thoughts on each of these chapters, it really is an inspiration. Getting into each character's head and explaining their emotions accurately is important to me. I am so thankful for my wonderful encourager and muse, Beaner008. (Go read Open Wounds, if you haven't already…seriously!) If there is anything I can do better or any character you feel I am neglecting or getting wrong, feel free to let me know via review or PM. Your opinions are very much appreciated! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 6**

"Santana!" My mom gasped and quickly pulled her hand back from the scalding water. I didn't even hear her come into the bathroom. I was just zoned out as I sat and let the hot water rush over my skin again. Keeping the constant hot flow on me helped me feel more clean; however, the second I turned it off I felt like he was crawling all over me again. I couldn't handle that feeling so I turned the shower back on and remained sitting leaned up against the shower wall as I let the water consume me again. My mom brought me out of my daze by screaming my name. I continued sitting as I watched her swiftly reach back into my shower and turn the knob to the 'off' position. She grabbed a towel and squatted down in front of me, looking me in the eyes. "That water was extremely too hot, Santana. You were burning your skin! Way too hot!"

I watched her eyes bounce back and forth from my eyes to my bright red skin waiting for me to say something. "Not enough," I finally managed to choke out.

"What?" She looked at me with questioning eyes.

I took a minute to look deeply into my mother's eyes before I looked down at the shower drain. "It wasn't hot enough. I…I can still feel him on my skin."

My mom didn't respond. She silently sat down next to me, disregarding the fact that her jeans were getting wet from the shower floor. She finally took a breath, "You can't intentionally hurt yourself, baby. This isn't good." Her voice was soft.

I sighed and turned my head to look at her, "I know." I laid my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes letting the few tears fall onto my mother's shirt. I felt numb, but everything ached at the same time. Was that possible?

Somehow my mother managed to get me into a standing position in front of her mirror. She had been talking to me and giving me instructions on how to bandage my stomach again. "Baby, are you listening to me? This is important." Her voice broke through to me finally.

I nodded, even though it was a lie. I couldn't focus on her words, my mind kept shutting off. Once she finished wrapping up my stomach she started looking at my busted lip and swollen eye. All I could focus on was my reflection staring back at me: this disgusting beat up piece of trash that allowed everything to happen. My injuries reminded me how little I fought back. If I fought more, I wouldn't look like this right?

Next time I made myself focus on the real world. I was somehow dressed in my sweatpants and robe lying on my mother's huge bed with her behind me gently running her nails over my upper arm; something I have always found soothing.

I heard my mom take a deep breath, "This…this happened at Noah's party? Last night?" I knew my mom was going to want to ask questions. I just couldn't prepare myself for it. Nothing could prepare me for any of this.

I closed my eyes. I had asked permission to go to this party. I asked permission, and she said no. She told me that I could go Saturday but not on a school night. Why didn't I listen to her? Why did I go? I shook my head. I went to the party with slutty intentions, and look what happened? The world is one big fat joke. Isn't it ironic? The joke's on me. I opened my eyes and looked straight ahead at the wall. I nodded my head, finally answering her question.

I could feel that my mom was slowly nodding her head by how my pillow moved. "Where was Noah?" Her voice was soft and gentle. The question stung like hell. He wasn't there. Not where I was. No one was. No one heard me screaming.

"He was...inside the house." My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Inside?" My mom's voice was confused and louder than I expected. I flinched at the sudden volume change. My mom noticed and lowered her voice trying again, "Inside? Where were…where were you?"

I gently rolled onto my back and turned my head to look up at my mom's face. She was trying so hard to keep it together. However her chin was quivering and her eyes were brimmed with fresh tears. I sighed and looked past my mother at her patterned wallpaper. "Outside," I finally breathed. "I was outside." I slowly rolled back onto my side facing away from my mother so that I wouldn't have to watch tears roll down her cheeks.

My mom and I remained lying like this in silence for what seemed like eternity. She was the big spoon and I was the small spoon. She continued to stroke my arm absent mindedly as she laid behind me in silence. Both of us were too caught up in our own thoughts to speak. I feel so raw. So exposed.

My mom's soft voice broke the silence again, "Do you know…will you tell me his name?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to answer any more questions; I didn't want to share anymore. I've said and done too much already. "I…I can't." It's all I could manage to choke out.

My mom sighed and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Baby, I know that you don't want to talk about it, but you need to…" I felt her take a deep breath. She corrected herself, "We need to talk about what you want to do next."

Wait, what? What did she mean? Do next? I turned my head in her direction and opened my eyes to meet hers. I slowly turned onto my back again so I could look directly at my mom's face with my furrowed eyebrows. What did she mean 'what to do next'? There is no next. This is it. This stops here.

I looked deeply into my mother's eyes, "His…his name doesn't matter." My voice is shaky so I clear my throat and blink back the next surge of tears. I need to be strong about this. "His name doesn't matter because I am not telling anyone else."

My mom instantly propped her head up onto her hand, her brows were furrowed now. "Santana…they need to catch this monster. Somebody needs to lock him away. He deserves to be behind bars, baby. You don't need to go to them tonight, but we should go to the cops-"

I cut my mom off instantly, "No. No, cops. Ever. We aren't going to the cops." My breathing was quick and ragged. I didn't realize how much I was physically freaking out from my mom's rant. The thought of her trying to force me to tell the cops made my heart beat faster. He knows where I live…I can never go to the cops. He made me a promise and stole my license; I don't want to test him and wait to find out if he meant what he said about what would happen if I told. I can't.

"San…" My mom's eyes looked at me full of sadness. Her eyes were filled with tears and pain. I caused that.

I shook my head as tears rolled out of my puffy eyes. "I can't…I…Don't make me do something I don't want to do…" I trailed off and drew in a shaky breath, "not again, Mommy." The dam burst. I turned into my mom and buried my head into her chest. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth; to my mom. This whole thing was so out of control. My best friend and now my mom knows. My entire body was aching. All I could do was cry as my mother stroked my hair. "I don't know his name. I didn't…I didn't know him…" I was repeating these phrases between heavy sobs until I could barely breathe and choke out words.

The whole time my mother gently wrapped her arms around me, stroked my hair and whispered softly into my ear in attempt to calm me down. She was crying as she held me. My mom never cries. I did this to her. I shake my head and continue crying, pushing myself further into my mother's protective arms.

Once my crying slowed down and my breathing returned to its normal slow pace I felt my mom pull me out of the hug we had been lying in. "San, I have something I need to ask you. It is something we need to talk about even though I know it is going to be hard right now. I need to ask it and I need you to try your best to answer it so we can go from there. This will be the last question for the night, but it is very important that you answer it honestly. Ok?" My mother was trying to look me in the eyes.

I wouldn't let her eyes meet mine. My mom seemed…off. Whatever she was about to ask me, I knew was going to be huge. My voice was shaky and hesitant, "Ok?..."

My mom paused. She was figuring out how to say what she wanted to say which made me even more nervous, if that was even possible. "Did he..." She cleared her throat, took a deep breath then continued, "Did he...finish... inside of you?"

I visibly froze as my breath hitched in my chest. I couldn't even blink.

My mom continued quickly noting my shock, "None of this is your fault, San and whatever the answer is, I will absolutely still love you and would never see you as anything less than my amazing, beautiful, talented daughter. Now, I know we have never talked about this topic honey, and I don't know your views on it or how you feel about it or anything…but whatever you decide I will support you 100%." She was looking directly into my eyes, "I need to tell you about your options right now before time runs out."

I was silent as my mom paused. I felt a lump in my throat and felt like I couldn't move I was so nervous for what she was about to say. I slowly nodded my head for her to continue.

My mom drew in a long deep breath, "Emergency contraceptives are available and effective for up to 72 hours after...unprotected intercourse..." She trailed off and took another deep breath, trying her hardest to keep it together. All I could do is remain frozen. My mom's words were so hard to listen to. This can't be happening. "It is just two pills that you take. If he...finished inside of you..." She paused and took yet another deep steady breath, "...It will prevent unwanted pregnancy."

Silence filled the room. That hadn't even been a thought. I literally... I haven't thought about that. I have just been thinking about my pain, my reaction to the sex, his words, hiding it from my loved ones...his promise. "I need that." I mumbled quickly yet quietly.

My mom was holding her breath now. I just answered so many questions with those three words. I feel so exposed. Again. She took a deep breath, "Ok, baby...Ok I...I will go get it for you when I go pick up the pizza for dinner." She gently pulled me into a hug again and rested her chin on my head. I could hear her sniffling, I could feel her breaths becoming uneven. I just want to go to bed. I want to go to bed or I want to shower again.

* * *

Quinn stared into her locker as she grabbed her math book. It was Thursday morning and the hallways were bustling with kids on their way to their first class before the bell rang at McKinley High. People were talking loudly and laughing with their friends all around her. She took a deep breath and continued to stare into her locker. Santana stayed home today. Quinn wasn't really expecting her to come but being at school without her felt strange. How was she supposed to concentrate on anything any of the teachers were going to be saying when all she could think about was everything Santana had said in the last day. Mama Lopez had sent her a text letting her know that she was going to stay home with Santana today early this morning before class. Suddenly her locker slammed shut which startled her out of her daze.

Quinn immediately looked to her right to see who had so rudely interrupted her inner monologue to find Noah Puckerman leaned up against the locker with his arms folded and a scowl on his face. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the teenager, "Well hello to you too Puck." Quinn shifted her math book to her other arm. "I'm actually shocked to see you here. Don't you have a personal goal with yourself to see how many days in a row you can skip school without them threatening to flunk you?" She shook her head, "Do the community a favor and go to class…learn something for a change." With that Quinn turned on her heel and started to walk away from the annoying boy. She could feel her heart beating quicker in her chest. She wanted to punch that kid so badly for his ridiculous behavior last night. Because of him she had to tell Mama Lopez about her sex life. If he hadn't shown up then that part of her life would still be hidden from one of the most important people she had in her life. Her promiscuity was not something she was proud of, it was just something that was. And now Shelby knew; something she never planned on happening.

Puck immediately walked in front of Quinn, stopping her from marching away from him. He crossed his arms over his chest and inflated a little to make himself look bigger and more threatening. "I'm here to talk to Santana. Where is she?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and tried to keep herself from laying her fist into this jerks face. She shook her head, "She is not here." With that Quinn tried to step around Puck without bumping into all the other kids quickly making their way to their classes. However, Puck stepped in front of her again, not allowing her to get around him.

"What do you mean she isn't here? Where the fuck is she? I need to talk to her. That bitch blew off my birthday!" His voice was growing louder.

Quinn waved her finger in his face with accusatory eyebrows, "Hold it right there! That is my best friend you are talking about asshole."

Puck scoffed, "Yea? Well, she WAS my girlfriend."

This threw Quinn off. She took a step back and looked Puck in the face, "Wait a minute...'was'?"

Puck unfolded his arms and waved them around angrily, "Hell yea 'was'. After the shit she pulled on my birthday, disappearing like that at my party and then my actual birthday day? I mean what type of girlfriend does that shit?" He shot a group of girls an angry scowl when he noticed they were staring at him and Quinn. He was pissed so he continued before Quinn had a chance to get a word in, "And then her mom slamming the door in my fuckin' face threatening to call the cops on me? I'm done with that shit! Fuck that."

Quinn could not believe what she was hearing from this selfish asshole. If she could get away with kicking him in the nuts she would have, but there were way too many people around that had their eyes on them to pull it off without being caught. She squinted her eyes and stepped closer to him, putting her finger in his face. "Seriously? You know NOTHING!" She shook her head and took a step back away from him in order to try to calm herself down but when she looked up and saw the stupid selfish look on his face she couldn't help it. Her voice grew louder, "I can't believe you showed up to her house talking about how she 'owed you your present'. I mean who the FUCK do you think you are marching around drunk on her mother's front porch demanding shit like that to her mother's face?" She gripped her textbook hard to keep her hands from swinging at him, "Demanding something that doesn't even belong to you in the first place! You are nothing but a cocky, dumbass loser. San can do WAY better than you. So fuck you Puck! Go bother someone else!"

With that Quinn shoved past Puck and started in the direction of her first class. Her breathing was quick and her heart was beating fast. She noticed all the people at their lockers staring at her trying to figure out what just happened as she walked away from her best friend's now ex-boyfriend. She shook her head, whatever. Just as she was almost at the end of the hallway she heard Puck's voice boom over the crowd, "Tell Santana that we are DONE! She is no longer my girlfriend! Fuck all of you!"

Quinn heard people gasp and start to whisper about what they thought was happening before them. The only response she had for the boy was a gesture. Without turning around again she shot Puck the bird over her shoulder, flicking him off. Not even dignifying his last statement with a verbal answer. She heard a loud angry groan and a big clang at a locker followed immediately by gasps from nearby onlookers and she knew that Noah had seen her message. Fuck him. She smiled and hoped his fist hurt from punching the locker just as she turned the corner and was out of his sight.

Once some space was between her and what just happened by her locker, Quinn's smile immediately faded. Her math classroom was within eyesight. Was she really about to go to all her classes today and pretend that nothing was happening? She shook her head, she needed to focus on school. As she nears her classroom she can't help but be grateful that she was taking Algebra 2 and Advanced Chemistry this year. The difficult subjects will be good at distracting her from thinking about how Mama Lopez knows how much of a slut she is now, What San said at the doctor's office and afterwards, and what happened to her best friend two nights ago. Quinn quickly shook her head in an attempt to get her mind off of everything and keep her tears from overflowing onto her cheeks. She shouldn't cry. She needs to be strong. Inequalities, polynomials, and quadratic equations: this is all she needs to focus on right now.

* * *

I snap my eyes wide open as I gasp for breath and try to take in my surroundings. Exhaustion, pain and reality settles on me quickly. I am in my bedroom, not the woods behind Puck's house. I close my eyes again and reopen them just to make sure I was really awake. I barely slept last night. It felt like every hour I was waking up from a nightmare that was worse than the one before it. It was exhausting. Suddenly I realize that my room is really bright. What time is it?

"Santana." My mom's soft voice rang out in my room.

I jumped from the sudden unexpected noise and hissed loudly from disturbing my stomach and my sore muscles. I thought I was alone in my room. I am so confused. I hate mornings. I look back towards my clock: 11:48am.

"I'm late." I exclaim as I try to quickly but carefully get out of bed. I wasn't able to sleep through the night but I guess I must have found a way to sleep through my alarm and the whole morning. I already missed half of the school day. Sitting up 'quickly' took a while. By the time I was in a full sitting position, I felt too tired to attempt to stand up.

"Santana, be careful, hold on." My mom walked over to the side of the bed and offered her hand.

I didn't take it. I looked down at my knees as my legs dangled off the bed.

My mom pulled back her hand and took a seat next to me on my bed. "Hunny, I called the school and told them that you were sick so you wouldn't be attending today. You really need to rest and I figured you would maybe want some time to yourself."

I continued to look at my knees. I just felt so exposed and ashamed of everything that's happened in the past couple of days. Looking at my mom would hurt too much. She knows what happened. She saw what he did to me. "Oh." It was the only response I was able to get out.

The room was silent for a few minutes. I could tell my mother was looking at me, waiting on me to say something, anything. She broke the silence, "I ran to the practice early this morning after dropping Rachel off at school to tell them I wouldn't be in today and was also able to get a set of those pills that I was talking about last night."

I looked over at my mom finally with a confused look on my face. I felt like my mind was all over the place. Following a conversation was really a challenge this morning. "What?"

"The Plan B pill."

I instantly looked back down at my knees. "Oh," I replied again.

"Santana, if you changed your mind about taking it then it is-"

"No. no no. I…I still want to take it. I need to take it." I replied quickly cutting my mother off mid-sentence.

"Ok, baby I was just making sure. This is your choice. You have a choice here."

I know my mom was trying to be nice and supportive and the supermom that she is…but she was wrong. I don't have a choice. Not really. I haven't had a choice since he delivered his first paralyzing punch to my kidney. I didn't want any of this. And now I had to choose between potentially getting pregnant, a constant reminder of the worst night of my life, or taking a pill that will stop any chance of me being able to get pregnant by him? What type of choice is that? I choose to rewind the past couple days and erase it all. I choose to not be in this predicament in the first place. I am sixteen. I…I am sixteen. I don't have a choice.

"Santana," My mom broke my concentration. I looked at her with empty tired eyes as she continued, "It is almost noon. Come down stairs and I will make you some lunch."

"I can't." It was all I could muster as a reply.

"I will help you down the stairs…" My mom quickly replied back. I hadn't even thought of that. The stairs were horrible to navigate right now. It takes me so long to get up and down them. This morning waking up…two mornings after….I am even more sore than I was before, if that is possible.

I remember my cheerleading coach talking about the 'second day blues'. After a really hard and long workout with weight lifting and sprints and long distance runs…she would always warn us that if we thought what our bodies were feeling now was bad…that we weren't going to be happy with her at all for the second day blues. Apparently something with lactic acid in your body takes a couple days to really set in and allow you to feel how tender your muscles are after an intense workout. I never felt the second day blues this bad until this second day.

I shake my head, "It's not that…I…I can't eat. I don't…I don't want to eat. I'm not hungry."

"Santana, you need to eat. Your body needs the food. It needs the nutrients and vitamins to heal and get the energy that you need. If you want to take the Plan B, then you'll need food in your stomach as well." My mom always wins at health conversations, being the amazing doctor that she is.

I paused, "I don't even know if I can stomach it."

"I will help you San. I'll make soup: something light for your stomach with enough main essentials to keep you going." She gently grabbed my hand and helped me up on my feet.

An hour later I was downstairs sitting on the couch having finished the chicken noodle soup my mom had made from scratch. She had given me the pill halfway through my bowl and I took it silently. The whole past hour had been silent. When I took the pill my mom's eyes had been glued to me, waiting for me to cry or breakdown or even say something, but I couldn't do any of those things. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want my mom to have skipped work for me. I didn't want anyone to have to take care of me.

Taking the pill hadn't upset me because of the possibility of an impending pregnancy from that….man. Yes, that was more scary than words could form, but what upset me the most about taking the pill is the fact that I had to do it in the first place. I should have been able to fight him off, I should have tried harder. All I did was lay underneath him as he…

"Santana?" My mom's kind voice interrupted my quickly downwarding spiral of thoughts.

I look over my shoulder and see that she is sitting on the couch next to me now. The kitchen must be cleaned up. I try to give my mom a weak smile, but when I meet her eyes my eyes instantly brim with tears so I look down at her hands instead.

From my silence my mom continued, "Baby, I wanted to apologize."

I shake my head, "You don't need to. There isn't anything you did wrong." I start picking at my nails as my voice is barely above a whisper, "It was all me."

My mom grabs my hands, stopping me from messing with my nails so I look over at her face. "I shouldn't have yelled at you that night. I shouldn't have told you that I was disappointed in you. That was wrong. I could never be disappointed in you."

I shook my head, "You should be."

"No." My mom took my chin in her hand gently, "I was wrong. Completely wrong. I didn't know…" She trailed off. My mom looked me deeply in the eyes, "None of this is your fault."

I yanked my chin from her hands and looked back down at my lap. Silence filled the room. It all felt like it was my fault no matter what my mom or Quinn told me. I know the whole truth, they don't.

My mom sighed loudly next to me, "I am very sorry Santana-"

"Ok mom," I cut her off, "Can we…" I look over at her and notice tears running down her cheeks before she quickly wiped them away, "Can I just lay down for a while? Watch TV or something?" The truth is I didn't want to watch TV. I didn't care to watch anything, I didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to be alone and I certainly didn't want to talk.

My mom looked at me hesitantly; she was searching my tired eyes. "Ok," She finally said quietly. I watched as she stood up and grabbed a pillow from the loveseat and set it on the side of the couch. She gently reached her hand out and helped me lie down.

I tried really hard to mask my pain as I moved and settled down into the couch, but I wasn't successful. My mom watched over me with worry filled eyes. I shook my head at her telling her silently not to start. My mom took a deep breath and conceded as she laid a thick blanket over me gently and turned the TV on, setting the remote next to me.

I turned my head to look at the TV even though I wasn't the least bit interested to see what was on the screen. When I looked I noticed _The Sound of Music_ was on. This has always been Rachel's favorite movie for some reason, and for that same reason it has always been my least favorite. Every time it came on TV I always made a big deal to state how annoying it is that they sing about how the 'hills are alive' and how obnoxious the children all are. I used to complain nonstop about this movie every second it was on our TV until either I would be excused from the room or my mom would change the channel. But I didn't have the strength in me to complain right now. I didn't care enough to complain. I simply turned my head towards the screen and pretended to focus on what was happening on it.

I heard my mom sniffle as she finally exited the room. She knows as well as I do how much I can't stand this movie. The fact that I didn't complain or ask her to change it must have showed her how little I cared and how much I have been changed by that monster. I feel like I have no fire left in me, no fight. I simply just am existing as the world continues to live around me.

* * *

Quinn was running late for Cheerios practice. All day it felt like she was one step behind. Her head was in a fog. All she could do was think about everything that's happened, but all she wanted to do was not to think about it. It was like her heart was fighting her brain and none of them were winning. She thought school would make it better, or at least give a good distraction to everything else that was happening outside of school, but it didn't do anything. During Algebra she just was able to get the problems done faster. In English she finished her essay long before any other student in the class. In chemistry she finished the problem sets and managed to outline the entire next chapter all before class was even halfway over leaving her more time to sit at her desk in a quiet classroom stuck with nothing else to do but think. Thinking was the enemy now. She didn't want to think about her best friend being attacked. She didn't want to think about how much pain her person was in now because of that attack. She didn't want to be angry at herself for telling Mama Lopez and she didn't want to be proud of herself for making such a grown up decision and bringing the adult into the situation. She didn't want to think about how much Mama Lopez knew about her sex life. And she certainly didn't want to think about her own home life with her father finding every little thing as an opportunity to bring her down. She didn't want to think about any of these things but she couldn't help it. It was all that continuously consumed her mind and her attention.

"Hey! Q! Wait up!" Brittany's voice broke through Quinn's internal rant. She stopped and turned around to see her friend jogging to catch up to her.

"Hey Britt. I didn't see you there, what's up?" Quinn started walking again towards the front of the school where the locker rooms were as soon as her friend had caught up to her.

Brittany playfully elbowed her friend in her side, "What do you mean 'what's up'? You AND San played hookie yesterday from school and didn't include me. What gives?"

Quinn kept her focus forward. It wasn't her place to tell Brittany what really happened. Santana definitely wouldn't want her to. But what was she supposed to say? Brittany saw what Santana looked like the other night. She knew something happened.

"Quinn?" Brittany's voice brought the shorter blonde back to the present again.

Quinn gave a nervous laugh. It was a horrible habit. 'Inappropriate laughter' is what Santana called it. "Yea I know. We uh…we both weren't here. I'm sorry-"

Brittany looked at her friend, she was acting weird. She took that moment to look around her. Quinn and Santana had their last two classes together. Usually she would meet up with Quinn and San on their way to Cheerios practice. Santana and Quinn always walked to practice together because they came from the same place. Brittany suddenly stopped walking, which caused Quinn to stop and look back. "Wait. She isn't even here today is she? Is this because of the fight she got into at Puck's?"

Quinn felt her face pale. Even if she wanted to tell Brittany she couldn't say it out loud, especially not here and especially not without San's permission. Quinn already felt horrible enough about telling Mama Lopez, she couldn't go around telling everyone she thought had the right to know. It wasn't her story to tell. Brittany's question just shook her. The whole day has shaken her. Everything felt foggy. "Yea…um...she wasn't here today either…she just…yea…Puck's…you know?"

Brittany starred at her friend with furrowed eyebrows. "Was that English? What is going on with you? You are acting weird."

Quinn looked over her shoulder towards the locker rooms, then back at her friend who was still stopped in the middle of the walkway. She was trying so desperately to think of a lie. "I'm not acting weird. I just…" She looked back towards the locker room again. "I'm late to practice. You know I don't like it when I'm late. It just irritates me." With that the blonde started walking towards the locker room again.

Brittany took a couple big steps to catch up to her friend; they were nearing the front of the school now.

Quinn could feel her friend looking at her. She didn't want Brittany to be racked with guilt the way she was. She didn't need her asking her a million questions when she didn't even know most of the answers. She rethought the last thought: she did know the answers to a lot of questions, but she didn't know if she could say it out loud. It would hurt too much. San had bruises on her wrists from where he held her down, she had said that he went down on her, that they both had an orgasm together... Quinn shook her head, trying to free her mind of those awful images of her best friend being brutalized and forced into something so terrible. Something so confusing. She took a deep breath to suck the tears back into her eyes and put on her fake face so that Brittany couldn't read what she was really feeling. Quinn cleared her throat, "Anyway, yea she is just in a lot of trouble right now because…of Puck's and stuff." She nodded her head at herself. That was a good enough answer. Right?

Brittany rolled her eyes, "Oh man her too? Parents suck. My parentals were beyond pissed that I broke curfew again." Quinn smiled at herself, pleased that she was able to deter the focus of the conversation. She forced herself to listen to the ranting blonde walking next to her. "Then when they found out that I was at a party on a school night…they lost their shit. It's ridiculous. I'm basically being treated like a prisoner in my own house. They took my phone away, took my keys to my car-"

Quinn stopped walking and looked at her friend in surprise, cutting her off mid-sentence, "You aren't allowed to drive?"

Brittany shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, "They kept saying 'Freedom is a privilege.' Or some shit like that…so no car. My dad literally dropped me off at school this morning and is about to pick me up now."

Quinn furrowed her eyebrows and then looked at the locker room they were standing outside of now, then back at her friend, "Wait. You aren't coming to cheer practice?"

Brittany rolled her eyes and then looked at Quinn, "No. That's another thing…I'm not allowed to cheer for the next month."

Quinn couldn't stop her eyes from bulging. "Holy hell! A whole month?"

Brittany nodded her head, "I know. Like I said, parents suck."

Quinn shook her head silently. "That is why I pay for my own cheer fees and costs…I mean it's expensive and takes up just about every penny that I saved up over the summer, but it's worth it. Since I pay for everything related to cheering, my dad can't ever take it away from me or ground me from it."

Brittany nodded her head again, "Yea, that was a good idea on your part, especially because your dad can be a cray-cray nutso." Both of the girls giggled, knowing that the tall blonde was right. Brittany sighed loudly, "I need a job. This shit is ridiculous. This is only day two without my phone or car and I feel like it has been forever. How did we used to live without our licenses and phones?"

Quinn laughed lightly at her friend. "I honestly have no clue. It's weird that that was only a year ago."

"Right?" Brittany replied. Both of the girls stood in silence, thinking back to the days before owning cell phones and being independent from their parents. Brittany spoke up again quickly interrupting the brief silence, "Anyway…I gotta go. I can't be late getting out to my dad's car or he'll extend my punishment."

Quinn watched as her friend started to walk away, "Alright girl. Good luck! I'll see you tomorrow." She waved at Brittany and then turned to head into the locker room. She was late. Coach was definitely going to make her run a few laps. Quinn shrugged her shoulders; maybe a few laps will help clear her head. She took a deep breath and then entered the locker room, ready to face her coach's wrath.

* * *

Hours have passed now. My mom spent a lot of time in the laundry room catching up on all the piles of laundry. We weren't a family who folded their clothes after being washed. Me, my sister and my mom had our own 'clean clothes' bins which sat across the room from our 'dirty clothes' bins. After my mom did laundry, she would toss the clean clothes into our clean clothes bin and they would mostly stay there until we wanted to wear them. Well, that is how it worked for me and my mother…we were all about tossing the needed shirt into the drier to get out the wrinkles rather than folding and hanging them immediately after drying. My sister was a different story. She always got her clothes from her clean hamper and spent a decent amount of time hanging shirts, folding jeans and putting them in 'ROYGBIV' order in her closet. My mom spending so much time in the laundry room made me continuously regret being such an awful daughter.

If I had just listened to my mom, if I didn't go to the party like she advised…I shook my head. My mom had spent the past couple of hours in the laundry room because she doesn't know what to say to me. She doesn't know how to act and I don't know how to need her. I want everything to go back to normal, but of course it can't. There is a huge elephant in the room and it is me. It is a part of me now, and I feel a huge weight on my chest that makes me certain that it will never go away. This will never stop haunting me. I've ruined everything.

I try to refocus on the TV again, hoping that it distracts me from myself, if even for a little bit. After the _Sound of Music_ ended the TV channel started playing this marathon of a new show, _Downton Abbey_. Three or Four episodes have played now, but I've just been focusing on what was happening in the show every other fives scenes. It's been hard to follow. I see something on the show that reminds me about something and then suddenly my mind connects that something to _that_ night, or _him_. Or it reminds me of something about Quinn or my family, which then leads me to think about how sorry I am that I messed up their lives which then leads me to think about _that_ night and _him_. It's a vicious tiring cycle that I can't seem to get out of.

I shake my head and focus on the show again. If I had seen this show before...all of this…I probably would have liked it a lot. Everyone was so pretty in their 1912 wardrobe and hairstyles with their British accents. It had betrayal, romance, scandal and friendship all with a family closeness intertwined with great European history. It is exactly the type of things I look for in a great show. Or it was. Now, it was hard to follow and hard to get emotionally involved with. Everything was. I couldn't really bring myself to caring about anything anymore.

I shake my head, "You aren't focusing again." I mumble to myself as I turn my back to the TV. What is the use of even trying? I sigh heavily as I bury my face into the couch cushion and pull the blanket tighter around me.

The next thing I knew I was startled awake by another bad dream. I sat up quickly and noticed I was sweating. I felt the throbbing in my stomach from the sharp movement and gently wrapped my arm around myself as I wiped my forehead with my other hand. I look over and see my mother sitting on the armchair looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Are you okay?" My mom asked quietly

I started to nod my head, but in that moment I felt how hard my heart was beating and how quick I was breathing. I shook my head as I slowly tried to stand up. My mom was at my side instantly helping me into a standing position. I winced audibly, regretting it the second it left my mouth. I couldn't help it, my lower half was in so much pain, standing was excruciating. I realized I was clinging onto my mom's hand really hard. My knuckles were white.

I instantly withdrew my hand from hers and sent her an apologetic look, "I…I'm going to...uh go shower." I looked at my mom as she continued to look at me speechless. "Is that…is that ok?"

My mom snapped out of her zone, "Yes. Yes of course. Use my bathroom."

"I…" I looked back at my mom, "Ok, thanks." I didn't want to object. I didn't want to say that I could go upstairs to my bathroom because in between my legs hurt so bad I didn't think I could even make it up the stairs if I wanted to. I didn't want to object because that would mean my mother and I would have to have a conversation. Submitting and agreeing to my mom's invitation was easier than disagreeing. I have no fight in me, I have no desire to even object or put an effort to a conversation. I would prefer to be in my bathroom but I didn't care enough to even say so. I turned my back to my mom and slowly walked towards her room. I just need a shower.

* * *

By the time I had my change of clothes on after my shower that my mother left for me on her bed, my mom had left to go pick up Rachel from school. I was sitting back on the couch again, staring at the TV. Suddenly I heard keys in the door. I quickly and gently laid my body down on the couch and closed my eyes. I could hear Rachel's voice echoing down the hallway. I couldn't deal with her. I didn't have anything to say. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted…I squeezed my eyes tighter, I don't know what it is that I want. Not anymore. Pretending to be asleep seemed like the easiest option.

"San? San?" My sister was standing over me, trying to 'wake me up' but I didn't move. I kept my eyes clothes and pretended to be deep asleep. Shame ran through my body. This was pathetic.

"Why is Santana sleeping?" Rachel yelled into the kitchen towards our mother.

I heard my mom's steps as she entered the room towards where Rachel was standing by my couch I was 'sleeping' on.

My little sister's voice rang out again, "Is she ok? I mean…she has been acting so weird lately. She never talks to me; she always looks tired...and just weird. She acts like she doesn't even like me anymore. It's like she put me on a permanent mute button or something."

"Rachel Barbara. Enough." My mom said quietly. "Your sister loves you and you know it."

I could hear my sister huff. "Something is wrong. What is it? Do you think it's that Puck guy? Whatever it is, I hate this." Hearing my sister's defeated voice brought tears to my closed eyes. Suddenly I had to focus really hard on keeping my breathing steady so I could continue to pretend to be asleep.

My mom's voice approached Rachel, "She is going to be ok. She is just tired." My mom changed the subject quickly, which made me think that she saw the lone tear that had fallen down my cheek. "What would you say if I told you that you can take your kids meal up to your room and eat?"

"What? You are going to let me eat in my room? But why? What is the special occasion?" Rachel's voice was skeptical and full of shock. Our mother never lets us take food upstairs, let alone out of the kitchen or dining room.

My mom hesitated before she responded; clearly she was trying to think of a reason for Rachel to be allowed to eat in her room without her getting suspicious. "Why not? There doesn't need to be a special occasion." She paused, "I am just so proud of what a wonderful, beautiful smart young woman you are turning into."

My sister scoffed, "Well we already knew all that, I haven't gotten anything less than a 95% on all of my tests so far this year."

My mother let out a small laugh at how her youngest daughter was anything but modest. I could tell she was rolling her eyes at Rachel. "Do you want to eat in your room or not boo? If you keep this up I might change my mind," My mother said with a smile in her voice.

All I heard in response was my sister's little feet quickly walking back to the kitchen, grabbing her bag of food and running up the stairs towards her bedroom. The couch dipped in, letting me know that my mom had sat on the cushion by my side. I felt her hands comb gently through my hair, but I continued to keep my eyes closed.

"She is gone," My mom whispered quietly to me. After a beat, I slowly opened my eyes to meet my mother's sad gaze. She knew I was faking, and she knew why. I could see it in her eyes and it killed me. My eyes instantly filled with tears, I let out a loud sob and was quickly pulled up into a strong hug by my mom. "She knows you love her San. She knows," my mom was whispering into my ear.

After my initial sobs wore down, my mother had gotten up and retrieved my food, placing it on a tv tray in my lap. I wasn't hungry at all, but I knew my mother would continue to sit next to me and spoon feed me if she had to in order to get me to eat. Once I finished half of my burger and some of my fries I finally opened my mouth to speak, "I…Thanks for dinner."

My mom nodded her head, "Of course."

Silence again. "I'm…I'm going to go shower," I stated as I continued to sit without movement on the couch.

My mom's brows furrowed, "Again Santana? Baby, I think that you've-"

I cut her off, "I need to. I just...I just need to feel clean." I looked at her in her eyes before looking down at my lap.

My mom sighed, "Ok. I understand…" She trailed off. "Not too hot though okay? Make sure you put your ointment on afterwards as well."

I nodded my head quickly, "I know. I…I will." I sat the TV tray next to me and slowly stood up. My mother continued to sit as I slowly crossed in front of her to go to her room again.

* * *

Hours have passed. Shelby took a breath and sat down on her couch. She tucked Rachel in for the night. She listened as the shower turned on again. Santana was taking yet another shower. This was the third one of the day. She knew that it would last quite a while, just like her previous ones. The older woman laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. Her head felt like it was all over the place, her stomach was in knots. The entire day had been so hard. She didn't know what to say or do. Her baby was forced to have sex. Violently. The tears came suddenly and strongly flowed down her face. How was she going to fix this? She didn't know what to say to Santana, she knew nothing she says could make it better for the young girl. Her little girl was only 16. She was scared, and in pain, and Shelby felt like she was watching her crumble in front of her eyes. She felt helpless. She felt like a terrible mother.

"I told her I was disappointed in her!" The older woman said to no one but herself as she remembered that night. She broke into a fit of sobs. She knew something wasn't right. She was still so angry with the fact that she thought Santana got into another fight again. She was mad at herself for not following her gut instincts. The look in her baby's eyes should have been enough. She could tell something was going on between the two girls, there was a weird tension in the room, weird looks being passed between the two teenagers. Shelby felt like a failure. She shook her head and wiped furiously at her tears. "Pull yourself together," She told herself. She needs to be strong for Santana. She needs to make sure that Rachel doesn't ask too many questions. She needs to have a conversation with Quinn at some point. This was not the time to be breaking down.

Shelby stood up and walked to the kitchen, she needed tea. Tea always helped calm her down. Just then her cell phone started buzzing. Who would that be? She wasn't on call. She looked at the screen. Quinn. She flipped open her phone quickly, "Hello?"

Shelby heard muffled sniffles on the other side of the line. There was no reply so she tried again, "Quinn?"

"Hey Mama Lopez…" Her voice trailed off.

Shelby waited for the young girl to continue but when she didn't she spoke, "Sweetie, what is going on?" She looked down at her watch, it was late.

She listened as the young girl sniffled again; she had been crying Shelby concluded. "I…I know this is an….awful…terrible time. I just…I…" Quinn trailed off.

"Quinn?" Shelby was getting worried. Something was up.

"My…my dad kicked me out…again. He…I….Is it ok if I come over again? I-I-I understand if you say no…I know it's horrible timing…" She trailed off as she began to cry into the phone.

Shelby shook her head. She couldn't stand Quinn's dad. "Quinn, you are always welcome in this house. Come on over sweetie, I'll make you a tea."

Minutes later Shelby hung up her phone and started making tea for the two of them. This wasn't the first time the young girl's dad kicked her out. Far from it actually. Since Quinn received her driver's license it has seemed to happen on an even more frequent basis. Shelby shook her head. Quinn was one of the most polite, well behaved, sweet, caring, loving girls that she has ever met. She has always been so proud of all of her accomplishments. Her dad seemed oblivious to them all. Quinn's 90% on her anatomy test wasn't good enough. Making straight A's year after year wasn't something her dad thought should be rewarded, it was what was expected. Her making second chair for the violin section in her middle school orchestra wasn't impressive enough for him to ever attend a single concert. If he attended a game to watch his daughter cheer, which was a rare event in itself, he made sure to point out every mistake and flaw he saw in the young girl afterwards. It always appalled Shelby. She on the other hand felt so blessed that her daughter had such an amazing person as a friend. She cherished every minute Quinn spent with the family. Somehow, despite all the harsh and untrue words that her father smothered her with, Quinn had turned out to be this amazing girl who was turning into such a wonderful woman right before her eyes. Quinn was such a pleasure to have under her roof; she just wished that Quinn's dad saw what she saw in the beautiful young girl.

**A/N While Santana's storyline is obviously the main one, I'd like to take the time to point out and recognize that people's lives rarely stop for others especially when they have complex ones of their own. Quinn has a storyline, and since she is Santana's "person" we are going to see more of it. However, it wont be the main storyline, the focus will remain on Santana. Thank you again! Let me know what you think! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The doorbell rang. Shelby opened the door to find Quinn, trying to keep it all together. The older woman could tell that the blonde had been crying, her eyes were puffy and red, but Quinn always tried her hardest to keep her guard up. She was standing there holding her duffel bag with her chin held high, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from spilling over the edge of her lids.

"Hey Sweetie, come on in the tea is just about ready." Shelby said with a sad smile as she took the young girl into her arms. She held her in a tight long embrace and kissed the top of her head softly after closing the door.

Quinn buried her head into the woman's neck and fell into the hug. She closed her eyes and wished things were different. This was embarrassing. She was embarrassed, but once she stepped into her best friend's house she felt like she was home. As she cried silently into Shelby's neck she heard the sound of the shower running. Santana. She pulled back from the hug instantly and wiped at her face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry…Um…is San showering?"

Shelby gave the girl a soft smile, trying to keep it together herself. "Yes. She is showering again."

Quinn nodded her head in understanding. She averted her gaze downward suddenly finding the hard wood floors interesting. "H-how is she…doing?" Quinn hadn't seen her best friend since their fight. The fight that made Quinn run to Shelby and tell her about what Santana was hiding. Quinn shook her head. That wasn't right. She had seen her friend after that, but only for a minute. She watched the pain spread across Santana's face as realization sank in that her mother knew. Quinn remembered the look in her friend's eyes that she had when she looked at her accusingly knowing that she was the reason her mother now knew her secret. Tears instantly stung Quinn's eyes again at the memory. It was the right decision right?

Shelby gave a sigh. She looked up the stairs in the direction she knew her daughter was in. She didn't have an answer for Quinn. She didn't know, so instead she took the girl's duffel and hung it on the stair railing. She grabbed Quinn's hand in hers and began to lead her down the hallway to the living room. "I made us tea, let's sit down and try to relax a little ok?"

They both had their tea and were comfortably sat on the loveseat, in silence. Shelby could tell the blonde was tired, physically and emotionally and Quinn could see the same in Shelby's eyes. Santana's shower continued to run. Quinn gave a heavy sigh, trying to wrap her head around the past couple of days. She felt like a failure.

"So what happened at your parents? Is everything ok?" Shelby took in Quinn's reaction to the blunt hard question that broke the silence.

"I...I don't want to burden you...I know...I...There is so much else going on here..." Quinn trailed off and looked over her shoulder down the hallway to the bottom of the stairs. The shower was still running, which meant her best friend was still up there scrubbing her skin raw. Her eyes watered at the thought.

"Quinn, you are never a burden to me or anyone in this family." Shelby decided to ask again rather than acknowledging the other obvious elephant in the room, "What happened?"

Quinn sat a moment in silence. She finally shrugged her shoulders and lifted her chin higher. She was blinking a lot to keep the tears from falling. "I...I don't know. He just...he got mad at me for leaving my clothes in the dryer while I was at school. I should have...I should have taken them out and put them in my room instead of leaving them there. I know better. He...you know how he is...he just gets...mad. It is nothing, it was my fault. He...He'll call and tell me when I'm allowed back home...I'm sure it will be sometime tomorrow...It'll be ok. It's all...ok."

Shelby shook her head and placed a hand on Quinn's knee. "It's not ok. However, you can stay here as long as you need. If he doesn't call tomorrow don't worry about it, you are welcome to stay multiple nights, you know that. You are a wonderful person, daughter, student and friend honey. I love you and I am beyond proud of you."

Quinn slowly shook her head. "I'm not." She mumbled softly.

"What was that?" Shelby asked leaning in closer to the blonde.

"Thank you, I love you too... but...I'm not...I'm not 'wonderful'...I'm 'extraordinarily mediocre'..."

Shelby scoffed, "Who said that?"

Quinn looked over and met Shelby's gaze. Shelby got her answer. She really would love to give Quinn's dad a piece of her mind one of these days.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Quinn, I know that hearing those awful things said about you is hard but sweetie you have to know that they are 100% inaccurate. His failure as a father in no way reflects how you are as a daughter or as a person. I am beyond grateful to have you in my life, in my girl's lives." Shelby paused as she gently licked her upper lip. "I am...I will never be able to thank you enough for coming to me...for helping Santana..." Shelby's eyes were getting misty, "...for getting her to agree to get an exam-"

Quinn shook her head. She cut Shelby off, "I forced her to go to an exam. She didn't want to. She...she was terrified to have it." Quinn stared off into the distance at the memory of the previous day. "She froze up on the table. She cried the entire time...The look on her face…She screamed..." Quinn looked down at her lap and started playing with her jeans as tears fell down her face, caught in the memory of how she saw her best friend in that doctor's office.

Shelby had silent tears that were rolling down her cheeks. She wasn't expecting this sudden turn in the conversation. She started to rub Quinn's back in an effort to keep her calm enough to keep talking. She didn't want Quinn to hold this all in. She needed to know what happened so she would be better equipped to figure out what the next step would be for her daughter.

Quinn started crying harder before continuing, "She screamed so loud when the doctor removed that thing..."

"The speculum?" Shelby asked.

Quinn nodded her head unable to meet the mother's gaze, "Yea...when the doctor took it out...she screamed." Shelby tensed next to her as she continued, she wasn't prepared to hear any of this, but she had to. "San told me things about the...attack...and now I can't help but picture it." The young blonde looked up at Shelby's face. "How could someone do that? She...she begged him to stop...he...he said things and made her do things..." Quinn trailed off as sobs over took her body. "Oh god!" Quinn leaned against Shelby and cried into her shoulder. She felt like none of this should be real.

Shelby found her voice and drew in a shaky breath before speaking, "'Made her do things'...wh-what do you mean?" She had to ask, she didn't want to know. She saw Santana's stomach. She saw her beautiful daughter's bruised and swollen face and wrists. She didn't want to know but she needed to. She is the mother and a doctor, she should know these things.

"He...He…" Quinn shook her head, "I can't. I can't say it...I...Oh god. This is all my fault." Quinn started crying harder into Shelby's shoulder, covering the older woman's shirt in tears.

Shelby shook her head. This was all so hard. "Quinn, it wasn't your fault...you don't have to bare this on your own now. You just need to focus on being there for her...she needs you sweetie. You are her 'person'." She was trying to calm down the young girl. Quinn shouldn't be blaming herself for what this awful monster did.

Quinn snapped up into a sitting position again, starring into Shelby's eyes as anger consumed her. "I feel like complete SHIT. Don't you see? The entire time she was being... while some man was..." Quinn couldn't bring herself to say the word. She continued to fume, "I didn't even notice she was gone! Santana has been my best friend for literally half of my life and I didn't even know she was missing!" Quinn was screaming now. "I was too busy being a complete SLUT to even realize that she hadn't come back inside yet. I mean seriously! I could have done something! Anything!" Quinn was breathing heavily; tears were streaming down her face.

"Quinn it wasn't your fault-" Shelby said again, she was trying her hardest to hold her own tears back, trying to be strong for the young blonde she has come to accept as another daughter.

Quinn cut her off and started pacing, "It WAS! I was one house away! I should have been with her the whole night! I should have followed her when she left the party! I should have done so many things but I let her down! It's all on me!" Quinn stopped pacing and turned her focus to Shelby who was still sitting on the couch, "This shouldn't have happened to her! She didn't deserve this. I'm so angry at myself for being ONE house down making out with some LOSER focusing on which guy I'd get to take me home that night while she was being beaten and RAPED!" The final word rang through the air. It seemed like it bounced off the walls and stayed in the room echoing on and on. Quinn crumbled to her knees and sobbed into her hands.

Shelby sat in shock. She watched the young blonde pace around the room then crumbled to the ground. She's watched this girl grow up. She's been to every violin concert she's performed in, even when her own parents didn't make it. She's been to every game and competition the girls have cheered at screaming both girls' names from the stands. She took her to pick out her first real bra. She bought her the same stupid light up scooter that Santana wanted for 5th grade graduation because she knew that Quinn would love it just as much. She's had Quinn at every Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas Morning, and summer family vacation since the girls were 8 years old. Now that same girl was sobbing hysterically on her living room floor, blaming herself for Santana's attack. Her daughter was attacked. This was so much. She slowly stood up and lowered herself to the ground pulling Quinn into a hug as the girl cried. She didn't know what to say.

"I'm s-s-so sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry." Quinn repeated over and over.

"Shhhh" Shelby gently rubbed Quinn's back, rocking with her back and forth.

"M-m-my dad is r-r-right. I am a failure. I'm...I'm such a failure."

"Shhhh, no Quinn. No." Shelby kissed the top of the young girl's head and continued to rock with the sobbing blonde. "You absolutely are not."

* * *

Shelby shook her head as she climbed up the stairs to check on her children. She was exhausted. Quinn had continued crying for nearly thirty minutes. Santana had finished her shower just after Quinn headed up for bed. Shelby helped Santana rebandage her stomach and watched with a heavy heart as the young girl climbed the stairs to her room with a struggle. She spent the next hour cleaning up the bathroom and kitchen and folding laundry she had finished earlier in the day. She never thought in a million years that this would happen to her family, to her beautiful daughter. She stood at the top of the stairs and tried to pull herself together for at least the next 10 minutes to get through tucking her girls in. She tucked them in every night before she went to bed herself, however since Tuesday night it had been so much more complicated and heavy. Ten more minutes of holding it together and she could lock herself in her bedroom and let out all the emotions she had to pack in for her kids.

Shelby nodded and walked to Quinn's bedroom first. Shelby shook her head at herself, her daughters best friend had spent so many nights here that she herself was even referring to the room as "Quinn's" rather than the previous "guest bedroom". Quinn used to sleep in Santana's room when they were kids with their regular sleep overs, but once the girls started growing up and Quinn's parents started becoming more and more ridiculous by kicking the young girl out for any and every reason Shelby made a point to make a more permanent place for Quinn to feel more comfortable and stable. That's how the guest room became Quinn's.

She opened the door and peaked in to see that Quinn had fallen asleep with the TV on. Shelby knew that the young girl didn't like sleeping in the complete dark so she entered the room and took the remote from the bed turning the TV on mute to give the young blonde a peaceful night sleep. Shelby sat the remote on the nightstand next to the bed and smiled as she realized the TV was on the Disney Channel. She remembered the 16 year old explaining that it is the only channel on TV that she can keep on while she sleeps. She argued that every other channel besides Disney has scary commercials in the middle of the night and she hated waking up to a scary commercial more than anything in the world. The tough badass persona Quinn frequently wore made the whole discovery of the Disney Channel habit that much more amusing and adorable to Shelby. Shelby took a minute to wonder if Quinn's own parents knew this useless but significant fact about their daughter, or if they even cared to notice. Shelby pulled the comforter up around Quinn's shoulders and whispered, "I love you" into the sleeping girl's ear. With that she quietly made her way out of the room closing the door behind her.

Rachel's door was decorated with a big wooden "R". She had ribbons and bows, different artwork she made in school, and a pair of autographed pointe shoes all hung on the front of her door. Shelby quietly opened it and approached her youngest daughter's bed. Rachel was sprawled out on her bed, the comforter was kicked off along with her teddy and she had a huge drool puddle forming on her pillow. Shelby couldn't help but smile. Her baby has grown up so fast, and although she is far beyond her years intellectually it is nice to be reminded that she still is young and innocent; her little baby girl. Shelby pulled the comforter back over Rachel and tucked her teddy under the sleeping girl's arm. She sat on the bed and ran her fingers through her daughter's dark brown hair. She loved watching her daughters sleep. After a couple minutes Shelby gently placed a kiss on her youngest's cheek and quietly left the room.

Standing outside of Rachel's closed door, Shelby took a deep breath as she looked at Santana's closed bedroom door back towards the beginning of the hall. She shook her head wondering what she was going to do to make this better. She walked down the quiet hallway and slowly opened the door. Santana left her bathroom light on with the door completely open, so half the room was still lit up brightly. Shelby paused in the doorway and looked across the room to see her daughter curled up in a ball, in fetal position in the middle of her bed. Dried tears were on her cheeks. She looked so scared and tired even as she slept. Shelby started walking towards her daughter's bed when she stepped on Santana's running shoes. Her eldest had the worst problem of putting things away. It made Shelby grin a little at the simple memory, making her glad not everything was lost by what that bastard did. Her grin faded. She shook her head and took a deep breath willing herself to keep it together.

Shelby bent down quietly and picked up Santana's running shoes along with another pair of flip flops and quietly opened the closet door to put them in their place. She tossed them down on the floor of the closet and then paused. Her beige heels were carelessly tossed in the closet as well. Santana also had a bad habit of taking her things without permission. Shelby bent down and picked them up. The heel was broken off of one of them. Why were they so dirty? Shelby's brows furrowed, she looked over her shoulder at her sleeping daughter and quietly walked into her daughter's bathroom to take a better look at her expensive heels.

Once under the light she was able to take in the fact that one of the heels was indeed completely ripped off. Shelby started to get mad, but something was stopping her from fully letting go. The shoes were caked in dirt. Something wasn't right. While Santana did have an awful habit of "borrowing" her favorite clothes and shoes, the young girl always managed to take excellent care of her things in order to "get away" with "borrowing" them. These shoes were not only broken but were completely dirty. Something wasn't right. Shelby's eyes drifted to the floor. There was a red clump of clothes dumped carelessly on the floor next to her daughter's shower. Shelby walked over to it and noticed it was her daughter's red dress, wadded up and tossed on the floor. With the shoes in one hand, Shelby bent over and picked up the dress shaking it out to examine it. Something was telling her that she had to look at it. As soon as she began to shake the dress to untangle it from its little ball, some dirt fell onto the floor. Shelby paused and looked at the dirt and then looked at the shoes in her other hand. The dirt was the same. She returned her gaze to the dress. The dress had dirt caked on it as well. There were tears up the sides of the dress and a couple spots had a dark stain. Shelby placed the shoes down on the counter without breaking eye contact from the dress. She used her other hand to open the dress further and hang it in front of her face to see it more clearly.

The dark stains were blood. A sob instantly released itself from her mouth. She brought the dress into her chest and clamped her other hand over her mouth to keep quiet. Shelby slowly sunk to the floor as she realized what this was.

After crying on Santana's bathroom floor for what felt like hours, Shelby managed to pull herself up and rinse her face with some cool water. She heard a sound coming from Santana's room. Shelby peeked out from the bathroom as she dabbed her face with a towel. Santana was thrashing around in her bed, murmuring in her sleep. It made Shelby freeze; she felt a pang in her chest. Her daughter was probably having a nightmare about that night or about _him_.

Shelby quickly finished wiping her face and put the torn dress and broken heels into Santana's empty trash bag, tying it up to keep all the dirt from spreading all over her daughter's room and bathroom. She walked out of the bathroom and headed directly to her daughter's bed. She set the closed bag on the floor next to the bed and gently climbed in next to Santana.

Santana didn't wake when she joined her in the bed, which she breathed a sigh of relief for. Shelby pulled her daughter towards her and started combing her hand through her hair as she hushed into her ear. Santana's murmurs started to slow until finally she was back in a peaceful slumber. Shelby's eyes teared again as the severity of the situation hit her again like another wave.

If she had to hold Santana and ease her into sleep every night then she would. She would do anything for her daughter. She wished so deeply that she could have done more to prevent this from happening. However, Shelby refused, in this moment especially, to let what that evil man did break her daughter. "I promise you will be fine, my beautiful daughter. You will be fine," Shelby whispered gently into Santana's ear. She traced her fingers lightly over Santana's bruised swollen eye and planted a soft kiss right above it before she laid her head down on the pillow next to Santana's and closed her eyes, letting sleep overtake her.

* * *

I stared into my bowl of cereal. It was soggy now. I had been up for almost two hours. Something I never would have done before any of this happened. I used to roll out of bed ten minutes before my mom ushered us out of the door for school. But now here I am on a Friday morning before the sun was even up, sitting in the kitchen with soggy cereal.

I shake my head. Last night was a nightmare. I take a breath and then shake my head again, every night since that night has been one huge nightmare. My mom held me all night as I cried and woke up screaming. I feel tired, but I can't bring myself to sleep comfortably. He knows where I live and I've told two people. Is there a way he can find out that they know? I wouldn't put it past him. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, but what choice do I have? He made a promise. And he seems like the type of…person…that keeps those promises. I certainly didn't want to find out.

I sigh heavily again to myself. At least I didn't have to deal with my sister this morning. There is no way I can even put a fake smile on my face right now. I'm just too tired and too drained. Plus I've never been a morning person anyway, so that's added to the mix. Rachel had chosen to stay up in her room and work on her favorite logic puzzles rather than come downstairs this morning. My mom told me that she was letting me miss school again. I had mixed emotions about it, like I do about everything now it seems. I definitely don't want to go; I'm not up for all of that walking around and talking. However, at the same time, me missing two days of school in a row? People are bound to talk and ask questions. I never miss school. I know when I return I'm going to have lots of questions. Lots of questions that I can't answer. But, if I went to school today, people would see my busted up face and ask questions anyway so really there is no winning here. I look back at my cereal. It's falling apart into the milk now. I just can't bring myself to eat any of it.

Suddenly the stool next to me is being pulled out and out of the corner of my eye I can see my best friend sitting down next to me. She is dressed in our cheerleading uniform, ready for school. I didn't even know she had spent the night here. It wasn't unusual for her to come over after I was already in bed, her dad is completely nuts and kicks her out for any little thing that she does or doesn't do. I haven't seen her since finding out that she told my mom about...what happened. We both sit in silence for a while. I don't even say 'hi' or acknowledge that she sat down next to me. To anyone else this would be considered very rude or snobby, but she is my person. She understands. Things are complicated. I know she was doing what she thought was best for me, and maybe deep down within myself if I searched hard enough I would agree with her actions. Even though I completely hated it...my mom did help me clean up my wounds. He said no one could know though, and I told her that, yet she still told my mom. I guess I wouldn't have been able to hide it from her forever though, so really Quinn just helped the inevitable. Right?

I didn't feel mad at Quinn, I couldn't. She has been my best friend for far too long. She knows me better than I know myself and visa versa. Anger wasn't one of the many emotions that consumed my body...I am too tired for anger. I am numb.

"So would you like it if I talk about me or do you want me to ask about you?" Quinn's voice finally breaks the silence.

I look over at my best friend; my mouth turns into a small smile when I see that she has the same small smile on her face. She knows exactly what to say and when to say it, all the time. Whenever something is wrong we always do this thing. We both know that sometimes the other one doesn't really want to talk about what is wrong with them. Sometimes we need a distraction to focus on in order to get away from the current problem that is upsetting us. But other times we both also know that we do need to talk about whatever is on our minds. So whenever one of us sees that the other is in a mood, or when we can tell the other is upset we always start by saying the same thing: 'Do you want to talk about me or do you want me to ask about you?' Her asking me this question makes me feel more grounded in itself. It is something normal. Something that even he couldn't take away.

As soon as my mind goes back to him my smile instantly fades. I can see my best friend's eyes searching mine. She is waiting quietly for me to answer. Her or Me? I can't talk about me.

I look back at my disintegrated cereal, pick up the spoon and swirl the chunks around in my bowl. "What did you 'do' this time to piss off your dad?"

I can hear Quinn sigh. Out of the corner of my eye I see her drawing different shapes on the granite top with the tip of her finger. "I left my clothes in the drier while I was at school."

My eye brows furrow and I shoot a questioning look at her, "Seriously?"

Quinn nods her head and shrugs her shoulders, "Seriously."

I shake my head and then look back at my bowl. "What a dick."

Quinn nods her head somberly. Her voice is quiet when she starts talking again, "My pile of clothes were sitting in the front yard in the dirt when I came home from cheerleading practice. The sprinklers had already gone off too. Apparently they sat out there all day according to dear ol dad."

"So he kicked you out because you left clothes in the drier while you were at school?"

Quinn nodded her head again, "I've been told not to 'leave my shit lying around his house.' I don't know...apparently he wanted to put his freshly washed clothes in the drier, but mine were in the way. So he threw them outside." She shrugged her shoulders, "He yelled, then told me to put my clothes upstairs out of his way...then told me to get out. You know the routine."

"At least he didn't burn them this time." I said. I looked over at my best friend again and both of us gave a weak laugh.

Her dad had literally set her favorite jacket on fire a couple months back, while we were at school. Apparently she left it hanging on the banister again, so his response was to burn it. He put the ashes and dust of it in a jar on the steps for Quinn to find when she got home. She of course had to ask him what it was and why it was in the middle of the staircase. When she told me what had happened I couldn't believe it.

I wouldn't put anything past her father. He is insane. He is unhappy and immature and obnoxious and takes out all of life's frustrations on Quinn. He didn't like that she left her jacket on the banister, so he burned it to a crisp. It wasn't funny at the time, and still isn't really, but somehow it is laughable.

Both of our smiles instantly faded as we both came back from the memory of the burning jacket. "What a dick." We both concluded at the same time.

Silence filled the air again. I could barely hear my mom's hair dryer blowing from her room. The dishwasher was running and I could hear the clock ticking on the wall. I know Quinn was waiting to give me a chance to talk, but I can't. I want to pretend nothing happened so desperately, but it's impossible to do. So instead I let the noises from all over the house fill our silence.

Quinn started drawing shapes on the granite again with her finger. She took a deep breath letting me know that she was about to talk again. I turned my head to look at her and watched as she stared at the granite. "I saw Puck yesterday at school." Her voice was quiet again. All I could do was stare and watch her continue to draw shapes as she continued, "He uh...he told me to tell you that you two... were through."

I watched as Quinn looked over at me and met my eyes. My eyes started to sting with tears again but somehow they managed to suck back in. I nodded my head. I knew he would be mad. I missed his birthday and ignored all of his calls. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him and I definitely couldn't tell him what happened…so there wasn't anything else to say. I shrugged my shoulders. Quinn continued, "He was being ridiculous and a complete jerk...I guess I could have said more to try to make him understand...but I didn't know what to say...I'm sorry San..."

I couldn't hold Quinn's gaze so I looked back down at my bowl once again before I spoke, "It's ok...I don't care..." I shouldn't care right? It's not like I was going to marry the kid. He was good for the time being, but things are different now. He wouldn't be good now…right? I take a deep breath, "I'm glad you didn't tell him anything..." I trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

I could see Quinn nod her head in understanding. She cleared her throat, "Good news is I yelled at him for being so stupid."

I look over at my best friend with confusion etched all over my face. What was she talking about?

Quinn's voice was stronger now, "He came here drunk while you were showering the other night... after um...after I told your mom about your...uh..." She trailed off then cleared her throat and shook her head changing focus, "Your mom didn't tell you that he came by? It was not last night but the night before..."

I shook my head with my brows furrowed. My mom spent all day at home with me yesterday and hadn't mentioned Puck coming by the house at all. What happened? Quinn had said he was drunk? And then she had to yell at him 'for being stupid'? What did that mean?

Quinn read my confused face, "Oh. Well...I uh... I had to have a sex talk with your mom because of his stupid ass."

Somehow I couldn't help but smile. The thought of Quinn having to deal with an awkward sex talk from my mom was somehow comical to me in this very moment.

Quinn matched my smile and waved her finger in my face, "It wasn't funny missy." She gave a short laugh and then became quiet. I watched as her face fell. I waited for her to continue, "It was bad...I cried." She drew in a shaky breath, "Now your mom knows how much… of a slut I am."

I bring my hand up and rub her back gently. "What happened to 'embrace your inner slut'?" I give a small laugh which is matched by hers, but as soon as we start laughing we both stop, realizing the weight of the conversation. I feel like it's never going to be normal again; like I am never going to be normal again. Quinn and I used to talk about sex all the time….and now… after what he did… I shake my head to try to get the thoughts out of my brain.

Quinn's gentle voice interrupts the silence again, "I'm sorry."

"I know." It was the only response I could muster.

* * *

Half an hour later my mom walked into the kitchen with my little sister. I continued to sit on my stool with nothing to say as my mom quickly packed a lunch for Rachel and cleared my bowl from in front of me. I zoned out as Rachel and Quinn started talking about dance and barely noticed my mother unloading the dishwasher.

"Quinn hunny, do you mind dropping Rachel off at school on your way to school?" My mom's voice brought me out of my daze.

I looked over at my best friend and noticed her unease. She wouldn't look my mom in the eyes. "Sure. That's no problem." Her voice was really quiet when she responded. She was clearly embarrassed from the previous couple of nights still. It was very un-Quinn like. I watched as my best friend looked down at my little sister again. Her face changed from embarrassment and shame to this big smile, "Ready to go boo?"

Quinn was always so good at putting on her 'fake face'. I felt a pang in my heart for my friend. It really sucked that she was so good at pretending that everything was fine. Things at her home hadn't been fine in years, yet somehow she can always put on her super smile and walk with attitude and get through the day pretending that it all didn't matter. Not that many people knew that her dad said horrible things to her and kicked her out on a regular basis, and that is exactly how she wanted to keep it. Her 'fake face' was used to protect her secret. I hang my head. I need to work on my fake face now. I need to have one. I need to find the energy to pull one off first.

Suddenly I felt hands wrap around my arms and torso. The touch brought me out of my head and back to the present. I jumped from the unexpected hug and looked down as Rachel stared up at me. She had a hurt look on her face. "I was just saying goodbye, I didn't mean to scare you," Rachel said.

I tried to smile down at her; I know the smile didn't reach my eyes because my sister still wore a frown on her face as she pulled away from hugging me. "It's ok. I love you." I cleared my throat, "Have a good day at school okay?"

My sister was unconvinced. She had always been so smart. "Your eye looks really bad."

"Rachel!" My mom scolded her, "That is not a nice thing to say, apologize to your sister."

Rachel looked at my mom and then back at me. I couldn't look her in the eyes so I looked down at the granite in front of me again. "I wasn't trying to be mean…I was just saying…" Her voice was softer.

"It's ok Rach." It was all I could say.

The room was silent again before Quinn spoke, "Alright Rach we need to leave since I'm bringing you to school."

My mom walked over and hugged my little sister and then hugged Quinn who pulled away quickly from the embrace. She looked down at the floor and then backed away from my mom and grabbed her backpack. They turned to leave the kitchen. Quinn almost made it out of the kitchen before my mom called out to her, "Quinn."

I watched my best friend stop and slowly turn around to face my mom; again her eyes were downcast at the floor. "Yes?"

"Let me know if your father doesn't call today before the end of practice. You can send me a quick text if you want or just phone me after school. If he doesn't call, then you are welcome back here, as always." My mom was smiling her kind gentle smile; Quinn continued to find the ground fascinating. My mom continued, "I just will need to know how many servings to make for dinner, so if you could give me a heads up, that would be great. Ok?"

My friend nodded slowly, "Ok." She said softly.

"Alright sweetie, have a great day." My mom replied back as she watched Quinn turned to leave. Her and Rachel left. The front door closed and the noise of the car starting up could be heard followed by the sound of it pulling out of the driveway and heading down the street until silence filled the room again.

My mom sat down in the stool Quinn had been sitting in. She swung her legs around so she was facing my side. She reached over and turned my stool around to make me face her; our knees were almost touching. I watched as my mom looked around the kitchen, awkwardly. She had things she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to say them, so instead she was looking around the room trying to waste time to come up with a way of wording her thoughts. I knew this maneuver very well, but it looked very foreign on my mom. This was what I normally did. My mom always knows exactly what to say and she will say whatever she needs to say no matter how uncomfortable or how harsh it comes out. Or at least…she used to. Apparently I changed that for her too. I've let so much happen.

The silence had dragged on now. My mom looked over her shoulder one more time, looking in the direction Quinn and Rachel had previously been. Then she looked back at me and put on a weak smile. She gently leaned over and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I looked at her with a blank face, waiting. She finally spoke, "So… Quinn's dad-"

"I know." I cut her off. I knew what she was going to tell me. Quinn already gave me the full story though and I know that that is not what my mother really wanted to talk about, so why waste the time? I blinked my eyes and watched my mom slowly nod her head.

"Of course. Quinn told you already huh?"

I paused, "Well I mean…she was here this morning…" I trailed off. I don't know why I suddenly had an attitude in my voice. I deflated. "Yea… we talked about it. It sucks… He sucks." I've talked to my mom time and time again about Quinn's dad and how much of a jerk he is, this subject wasn't new. My mom just nodded her head. She didn't correct my language. Another change.

My mom finally gave me another weak smile. This one looked sad though. Her eyes were burning into mine, I had to look away. "Did she…" My mom cleared her throat then sat up taller on the bar stool before continuing, "Did she tell you that her and I had to have a special talk two nights ago as well?"

I looked up at her quickly. I was not expecting this to be the topic discussed. I immediately looked back down towards my knees. I know exactly what talk she is talking about. Quinn said it was horrible. I can't.

"San?" My mother placed her hands gently on my knees, causing me to look back up and meet her gaze. She raised her eyebrows.

"Yea…Yea, she told me."

My mom sighed, her eyes faltered a little. It was so strange for me to see this much vulnerability in my mom. She is so incredibly strong. I haven't seen her like this. I caused all that pain that come out of her eyes now. Me…letting this happen…it's changed my mom. My mom brought me back to the present conversation, "You girls should have come to me. You should have let me know…"

"What?" Now I am confused. She said 'girls', plural. Quinn said she had to have the sex talk with my mom…she's the only one who's been having sex this whole past year. Not me...not until…I shake my head quickly and refocus on my mom, trying not to let the images flood my head…again.

My mom raised her eyebrows before starting again, "Noah was here. He was drunk and when I tried to send him on his way…he started saying… that you owed him a present?"

I could feel my face pale instantly. My breathing stopped. Maybe if I just froze then my mom would stop talking and forget about it? I try to gather my thoughts…but I couldn't. They were splattered all over the place. My lungs wouldn't restart and my brain wouldn't make the necessary connections, but I could feel my heart beating quickly in my chest.

"I made Quinn tell me what he meant by that." My mom continued.

My jaw opened slightly. "Quinn told you?"

My mom answered quickly before I could even start feeling mad at Quinn, "Santana, Noah said something off and I asked Quinn what it meant, she refused to answer but I wouldn't let it get away. Trust me she didn't want to."

I slowly nodded my head in understanding. "Yea…she was still pretty upset about it this morning…" I looked up at my mom's eyes for a second before returning my gaze to my knees.

My mom was silent for a beat. "I just…I didn't know. I didn't know that sex was something you two were even talking about...and…and for her it's been more than one boy already." My mom's voice was quiet. She sounded lost.

My head snapped up, "She told you about all of the guys?"

I watched as my mom's face faltered. There was a flash of sadness that escaped her eyes again. My eyebrows furrowed. I searched my mom's eyes in a panic waiting for her to speak, they looked misty.

"All?_ All_ of them?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. I said too much. "Um…" Now it was my turn to look around the kitchen...trying to spare myself some time to think of what to say next. My mom closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Um…" I repeated. The room was silent save for my mother's controlled breathing.

My mom took another deep breath then opened her eyes and gently took my hands in hers. I looked down at our hands then back up at her face. "Birthday sex?" She asked calmly.

The two words flew out of my mother's mouth and smacked me in my face. I felt dumbstruck. My mom wasn't supposed to ever know about that. It didn't matter anyway…it didn't happen. Well, not for Puck anyway. I shake my head. How did the conversation turn to me so suddenly? Weren't we just getting over the shock of me telling my mom that it was more than just a couple guys that Quinn had slept with? Birthday sex. Her words echoed in my ears.

My mom's voice made me focus on her again, "San, sex is…it is supposed to be sacred."

My eyebrows furrow deeply, which makes my right eye sting. It was still swollen this morning and a nasty black and blue color. My breathing increases again and I start shaking my head back and forth quickly. I cut off my mom before she has a chance to continue, "What? You…you think I seriously don't know that? I know that now mom…I know…" My eyes instantly start to water. I try blinking rapidly to keep the tears from falling down my face.

My mom squeezed my hands reassuringly. I'm looking down at our hands again. There is no way I can look into my mother's eyes, not when he is flashing in my mind. "I know baby. I know that you know, and I am so sorry."

I continue to shake my head and bow it even more before my stomach starts to protest. The cuts were getting irritated by the position I was slouched in, but there was no way I could sit up tall. Not when I felt so dirty and so small. The cuts burning just reminded me even more of how dirty I was. I was and will always be a 'whore'.

My mom continued to talk, "I just…I should have talked to you about it before. I should have known you were planning on having sex."

"I can't ok?" I look at my mom in the eyes fiercely. I am trying so incredibly hard to keep it all together right now. I can't have her talking about this stuff. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm not going to….I'm not going to have…sex…ever again. Ever. Again." With that I pull my hands from hers and cross them over my chest, being careful not to hit my injured breast.

"Santana, that isn't what I am saying. Don't say that. Sex is sacred-"

I cut my mom off, "I know mom. Stop."

She continued despite my pleas, "-It should be special and it _will_ feel good when it is the right time and you are with the right person-"

She said it. I squeezed my eyes shut. It was like I was suddenly lying underneath him again.

_The tingling in my stomach returned, only more intense this time than the last….I feel my body clamp tightly around him. My back arches and a muffled cry turns into a loud moan. It's happening. My body is betraying me. Spasms run through my body. Then I feel him release as he moans loudly into my neck._

My eyes fly open again. My mom is sitting in front of me saying my name but I can't hear her. I stand up suddenly. My sharp movements send the stool flying backwards, falling over and landing on its side. I take a second to stand in front of my mother. My stomach is screaming at me for moving so quickly, but just like I can't hear my mom, I can't listen to my stomach's protests. I'm simply stuck in my flashback and suddenly I feel extremely clammy. Then I feel it. I run around my mom, who is still sitting on her stool and head directly for the kitchen sink. The contents of my stomach rush out into the sink. I barely made it in time.

I liked it. My body and his body…we…connected. I _did_ like it. It _did _feel good. What is wrong with me? I'm disgusting. I continue to empty the contents of my stomach until I am just dry heaving. At some point my mom had come over and pulled my hair out of my face and started rubbing circles on my back. All I could keep thinking about was him and me. I could only think about what we did together. I didn't want to…I didn't want to, but my body did.

I pulled back my head and laid it along the edge of the cool stainless steel sink. I shook my head slowly as the tears ran down my face. I could see my mom staring at me with those sad eyes. Now she knew. She was talking about how 'one day it will feel good' and the next thing I do is run to the sink and throw up. My mom is a pediatrician. She went to college and medical school. She is extremely smart. She'll know what that means. I close my eyes. I just need to be away from this moment. I need to be away from all of these moments.

* * *

As Quinn drove Rachel to school the ride had been mostly quiet; this was not usual for Rachel. Quinn kept looking in her rear view mirror to make sure that Rachel was still alive and awake. Finally the young girl opened her mouth, "I didn't mean to be mean to Sissy."

Quinn's heart broke. "Rach, she knows that. Sanny wasn't mad at you."

"I know…" Rachel trailed off then continued, "But that isn't normal. Usually she would get mad for something like that, and that is why it is really weird."

Quinn looked at the young girl again in her mirror. She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to get into a conversation about Santana acting 'weird'. "So you _did _mean to make her mad with the comment then?" She gave the girl a small smile to let her know she was messing around, trying to make light of a hard topic.

"No." Rachel gave a small smile back in return, "I just…I don't know. She's being weird. It's weird."

All Quinn could do was nod her head in understanding. She wasn't going to offer up any type of response because it would keep the conversation going, and that wasn't something she was interested in doing. Not this conversation, not to an eight year old, and definitely not to Rachel. Rachel was like her own little sister, talking about why Santana has been weird, or even agreeing with the fact that Santana has been acting differently would be too much of a conversation to have.

Rachel cleared her throat, "So was your daddy mean to you again? Is that why you were at our house when I woke up?"

This caught Quinn off-guard. How was she supposed to respond to the eight year old? She nervously tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, silently begging the red light to turn green. They were almost to Rachel's school. "I…" She sighed, "Yea, I came over late last night and spent the night."

"What happened? Why did he kick you out?"

Quinn took in another breath. The normal Rachel was back: the one who asked a million questions. Quinn didn't want to have this conversation with the eight year old either, "It's a long story Rach, but everything is fine, don't worry."

Quinn looked in the rear view mirror again and saw Rachel looking back at her. "I wish that your daddy would just stop being mean. I don't get why he is always so mean."

"He isn't always mean, Rach." This was the only response Quinn could think of.

"You come over a lot because of him." Rachel was being persistent.

"It…it's complicated Rachel."

The young girl sighed, "Yea…but it shouldn't be. You are a good person; I mean…you are one of my favorite people."

Quinn smiled at her eight year old logic. Just because Quinn was one of her favorite people automatically meant that she was a good person. Her smile faded. She wasn't a good person, not really. Yes she worked hard in school and was taking AP and honors classes and always got A's. Yes she focused and put a lot of hard work and time into cheerleading. Yes she did her chores and kept her room reasonably clean and held a steady job over summer. But she was 16 and she had snuck off to countless parties, slept with numerous boys and had her fair share of alcohol and cigarettes. The person that Rachel knows isn't the real her…it is the 'plus' version of herself that she puts on in order to impress adults, hoping to impress her father.

"Well, Rachel, it is complicated. It isn't always that bad, either. He is my dad, mean or not. It was just the cards I was dealt with, so I try not to dwell on it. I mean, I do wish it was different sometimes too, but it is what it is." Quinn said matter of factly. She can't linger on what she wishes it was for too long. She can't think about how close her and her dad used to be as a young child because it hurts too much. She definitely couldn't complain or whine to Rachel. Rachel didn't even get a chance to know her father. He died shortly after her birth. She got a couple months with him. So there is no way that Quinn is going to complain about her own father. She was luckier than a lot of others…and that is what she had to constantly remind herself. Yes, her father was nearly impossible to deal with. Yes he tore her down every chance he got, but at least he was alive. Right?

"Well, I love you." Rachel finally said, bringing a smile to Quinn's face. "That is all that matters. And so does Sanny and Mama, of course."

Quinn couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at Rachel's response. The eight year old loves her, that should be all that matters. She smiled, "I love you too Rachie. I love all of you; you are like my second family. You know that."

Quinn could see Rachel smiling in the back seat. She pulled into the front of Rachel's school and slowed down to a stop at the drop off point. The young girl unbuckled her seatbelt as she spoke, "I know, it's cause we are awesome."

Quinn laughed again, "This is true." She turned around in her seat so she could look straight at Rachel before she got out of her car. "Alright kiddo...out you go. Go learn things." She smiled at the cheeky eight year old, "Love you Rach."

Rachel grabbed the door handle and looked back at Quinn before opening the door, "To the moon and back."

Quinn giggled softly, "And then back again." She watched as the girl left her car with a smile and headed into the school. As she pulled away from the elementary school in the direction of her high school she couldn't help but smile. Somehow Rachel could always make her smile. Yes she could be annoying, yes she tended to snoop and nag and whine...but she loved her for it. The little girl constantly reminded Quinn that she was family, and it made Quinn's heart swell with love.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you guys for continuing to read! Love the reviews! Keep them coming! Thank you Thank you Thank you!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Sorry this chapter is so long! It seemed to get away from me and continued to grow! Hope you all enjoy!**

**Chapter 8  
**

I sat in silence again on the couch that I've spent most of my day on already. My mom had made me a fruit smoothie, but I only drank a quarter of it before I poured it down the sink. I couldn't bring myself to have an appetite, and I couldn't let my mom know that I didn't finish the smoothie.

We hadn't really talked since I threw up in the kitchen sink hours earlier. I could tell that she was upset by the information she learned about…my attack…through my movements. I could see in her eyes that she didn't have anything to say. I wouldn't know what to say to me right now, so I understand. Now she knows that I…enjoyed…the attack. My body…I got off from his assault. I shook my head. I'm disgusting.

My mom walked in from the kitchen, "Santana?"

I looked over at her and saw she was drying her hands with a kitchen towel. I raised my eyebrows signaling to her that I was listening.

"Did you pour the smoothie down the sink drain?" My mom asked directly.

All I could do was look away from her, which confirmed her suspicions. I heard her sigh as she walked over and joined me on the couch. She sat quietly a moment before grabbing my hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You didn't rinse the sink. There was some smoothie still left on the bottom of it by the disposal. Are you not hungry?" My mom asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to look at the floor.

"Baby, you need to eat something."

I slowly nodded my head. I knew my mom was right, but I wasn't hungry. My stomach was doing constant flips and I didn't want to throw up again. If I didn't have any food in my system then I wouldn't be able to throw up right?

"Santana, talk to me." My mom said gently as she squeezed my hand.

I slowly lifted my head to meet her eyes, "What do you want me to say?" My eyes started watering under my mother's gaze.

My mom deflated at how defeated my voice was. She gave me a sad look before shaking her head. "I think that we should look into getting you someone to talk to, a therapist."

My brows instantly furrowed as hurt covered my face at my mother's words. I shook my head. "No…" I said quietly. "I don't…I don't need that." I pulled my hand from my mother's and scooted away from her on the couch.

"San, you have barely talked about what happened-"

"And that is because I don't want to," I cut my mom off. "I can't."

My mom continued to look at me, "But you can. If we found you someone you could confide in, a professional who-"

I cut my mother off again, "Can we not do this. Please mom?" I saw how much she was battling herself; I could see it all over her face. I wasn't trying to be rude; I just simply cannot talk about this. I want it all to be behind me somehow. Until I can figure out a way to get it there, I just want to stay silent. He told me I needed to.

My mom paused, "You know you can talk to me about anything right Santana?"

I looked down at my hands again. After a long pause I barely nodded my head. I know that I used to talk to my mom about things. However, I never talked to her about my intimate life. Ever. Even before any of this…Now after everything that has happened I feel like I can't talk to my mom about anything. He told me not to. She already knows way too much by knowing that something happened. I don't want her to know the details. I don't want to have her share my nightmares. Quinn already knows far too much about the details of things that happened and it churns my stomach to know that she knows. I can't do that to my mom, even if I wanted to get it off my chest. I can't talk to her about anything because I don't know how. I can't talk to her about anything because I can't even sort the thoughts out in my own head, let alone verbalize them to someone else; to my mother. However, I nodded my head because I didn't want her to keep pushing this topic. I nodded my head because I didn't want to break her heart even more so than I already have. I know that she needs to believe that I will come talk to her whenever I feel up to it. I know that that hope is something that is keeping her together, and I can't take that away from her…even if I know it will never happen. I will never be able to go and talk to her about what happened that night because of his threat…his promise.

My mom cleared her throat, "Do you…do you have any questions about anything?"

My brows furrowed. I looked into my mother's eyes and understood what she meant. She wanted to know if I had any questions about sex. If I had any questions about any of the things that he…did to me. I shook my head quickly, "Can we change the topic?" I bit my bottom lip, "Please?"

My mom finally caved. She nodded her head and looked away from me for a second to collect herself. She was trying really hard to keep it all together, I could tell. She looked back at me finally, "Have you…um. Have you heard from Noah?" She shook her head and corrected herself, "Or 'Puck', whatever."

I dropped my gaze immediately. Apparently no conversation with my mom was going to be an easy one. The last time I had really talked to Puck was right before…. Then on his birthday I ignored all of his calls, and then apparently he showed up here drunk and had a run in with my mother. Then he told Quinn that he and I were finished yesterday at school. I got dumped through word of mouth. It wasn't like I didn't deserve it though. I left his birthday without giving him his present he had so patiently been waiting for. I shook my head. It's not like I could give him that present now. My tears started welling up in my eyes. I couldn't be a girlfriend now anyway. Things were…too complicated. I was damaged goods now.

I finally found words to answer my mom's question, "Um…sort of. He talked to Quinn at school…he told Quinn to tell me that we are… finished." I paused, "He doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore…" I trailed off, looking anywhere but my mother's eyes.

"Excuse me?" My mother's voice was angry. I looked up and saw she was fuming.

I quickly understood where her mind went and cut her off before she could take the thought any further, "He doesn't know." I stated quickly. My mom's anger started to slowly fall from her face. I continued slowly as I looked down at my hands, "I just…I haven't talked to him. I've been ignoring his calls…so…" I trailed off. I cleared my throat, "So we are finished." I looked back up at my mom.

She was looking at me, watching my every move. She was trying to read me and see if I was ok with this decision or if I was upset by it. She was having a hard time reading me because I was having a hard time feeling any one particular emotion. I feel like I am feeling every emotion at once, all the time now.

My mom cleared her voice, "Well, it is for the best San." She breathed, "You can do better than him."

I know my mom was saying it because she was my mom, but deep down she had to know that now more so than ever, I probably can't do better. Not anymore. No one is going to want to deal with me with all my….baggage. I don't know how to be normal again. I don't know how to be myself anymore. He changed everything about me and I don't know how to get it back. I shook my head at my mom, "I don't even want to think about that right now."

I looked at my mom's face. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Rarely ever was my mom at a loss for words. I know that I am making this extremely difficult for her; I don't mean to, it just isn't easy. None of this is. My mom wants to keep talking and I just want…I don't know what I want. "Can we just…" I trail off not knowing what I was even going to say to begin with. I took a breath, "Can we just sit here?" I look up at my mom's face, "Is that okay? I just…I don't feel like talking really."

My mom sniffled her nose and blinked her eyes rapidly; I watched as some unshed tears disappeared from her eyes. I pretended not to notice. She opened her mouth to answer but the shrill ring of the house phone cut her off. The caller ID announced that it was Ruth calling. My mom looked over at the phone and then back at me unsure of what to do. We both knew that Ruth would call back to back if my mom didn't answer the phone.

I motioned my head towards the phone and nodded my head silently. I watched as my mom plastered a small forced smile on her face and slowly stood from the couch. She grabbed the phone and looked back at me one more time before hitting the green 'talk' button. She put her hand over the receiver and held it away from her face, "I'll be right back ok?"

I nodded my head slowly but gave her a pleading look. One that meant, 'please don't say anything'. My mother hesitated as she took in my look. She slowly nodded her head at me and then backed away, entering her bedroom and closing the door behind her.

Once my mom disappeared into the room I was once again left to my own thoughts. I leaned forward and cradled my head in my hands. Why did I go to that party? Why did I let him do this to me? Why did I tell Quinn? I feel so sick with myself. So utterly disgusted. I am causing so much hurt and pain in my family and it is getting really close to unbearable. I caused all of this. Tears pooled out of my eyes again as I shook my head in my hands. This is all my fault.

* * *

Shelby closed her bedroom door behind her and walked over to sit on her bed. "Hey Ruth. Sorry, I had to…walk to my room," She spoke softly into the phone.

Ruth's voice echoed through the phone, "What is going on? You sound weird?"

Shelby looked up at the ceiling. Ruth had been her best friend for years. They got through college and med school together. They did their internship and residency together. They opened up their practice years ago together. She was there for Shelby when her husband died and had continued to be there for her and her daughters since. Shelby told her best friend everything, they never kept secrets.

Shelby's silence was too long for Ruth's liking. She tried again, "Shelby. What is going on? You have skipped work two days in a row now. This is very un-Shelby-like. I'm starting to get worried. Is there a reason for me to be worried?"

Shelby gripped the phone tighter in her hands. Hearing her friend's voice brought tears to her eyes as she thought about what she had to tell her. "I…." She took another breath, "I… I have something I need to tell you."

Ruth immediately answered, "Oh my god. Shelby, are you pregnant? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone! Are you having babies every 8 years on purpose? Spill!"

"Ruth. This…this isn't a joke. This is serious." Shelby's voice was cracking uncontrollably.

There was a short silence on the phone. Shelby knew her friend was trying to switch gears. She had no idea what was going on. And if she knew her friend like she knows she does then Shelby figured Ruth was trying to find somewhere to sit down. "I'm listening," Ruth finally replied quietly.

Shelby squeezed the phone again. "I…um…" She took a deep breath, "I…" Shelby pulled her mouth away from the receiver as tears instantly filled her eyes. "I really have to say this out loud?" She whispered to herself. Shelby looked up at the ceiling and blinked rapidly to stop her tears from falling. She brought the mouthpiece back towards her face, "Santana…she was…" Shelby cleared her throat. "Santana was r-r-raped..."

Shelby could hear her friend draw in her breath quickly. There was a long silence before she heard her friend's voice again, "What? When? Oh my….how? How did this happen…who?..." Her friend's voice was cracking as she asked the numerous questions.

Hearing her friend begin to cry brought the tears back to her own eyes instantly. Shelby shook her head and bit her lip to contain a sob. "Tuesday night… it happened while I was at work, Tuesday night."

"Oh Shel…"

The tears ran freely down Shelby's face, "She…she doesn't know who he was. It was…he attacked her outside…he was so b-brutal with her Ruth." She forced herself to take a breath. "So brutal," She repeated.

"I….I can't…What…W-w-hat do you mean? Brutal….?" Ruth wasn't forming a full sentence. She wasn't able to. This news was completely unexpected. Never in a million years would she have expected this. It didn't make sense. Tears cascaded down her face as she sat in her quiet office.

Shelby took a deep breath and grasped the phone harder in her sweating hand. She didn't know how to tell her friend this. Her best friend loved her daughter like she was her own. She blew out a solid breath to try to calm her voice, "She has bruising on her wrists, a black eye…her lip was split open… and…" Shelby took another breath, "She has lacerations on her stomach."

Ruth let out a sob, "What?" She was a doctor, she knew that lacerations meant deep cuts but she didn't understand how it could have happened. "How?"

"They… they look like they were caused by a small knife." Shelby's voice was quiet.

"Oh Shel….I….What are we…what are we going to do?"

"She…she doesn't want anyone t-t-to know. I just…" She hiccupped as she tried to contain another sob, "I had to tell you."

"Oh…I understand." There was a silence over the phone as Ruth tried to process everything. Santana didn't want her to know. She didn't want anyone to know? She took a breath, "So…so no cops? H-have you tried to get her to talk to the cops? I mean… She…she needs to report this. How is she doing? Physically? Emotionally? God, I can't believe…I can't believe this."

Shelby wiped her tears, "She doesn't want cops. Not yet…I'm…I'm trying." She took a deep breath, "I just…I…I can't talk about it anymore right now. She…she is in the next room and I can't…I can't fall apart right now. She needs me…."

Ruth cleared her voice over the receiver, "No yea. You…yea you are right. Sorry." She cleared her voice again. "I just…wow. I…ok. What do you need from me?"

Shelby looked down at her bed comforter, "I don't know. I just…I feel so lost. I don't know what to do. Talking about it…talking about it hurts her too much…but…I can't...I can't just ignore it." She paused. Her friend was silent on the other end, waiting for her to continue, being supportive like she always has been. "It has just been so hard…and so…just crazy. I just…I can't wrap my mind around it. You know?"

A faint soft, "Yea" was all she got in reply from Ruth. She knew her friend just had a huge bomb dropped on her. Ruth loved her girls so much. She has always been so great with them.

Shelby felt awful for dropping such a huge bomb and then seconds later insisting that she couldn't talk about it. But she couldn't, so much was happening all at once. Shelby wiped her cheeks one more time and sighed into the mouthpiece. "Then I also found out last night that Quinn has been having sex…for quite a while now."

"What? Quinn? For how long?" Ruth's voice instantly got louder. Ruth has known Quinn ever since she and Santana became best friends. She helps celebrate the young girl's birthday with the rest of the family every year, sees her on family game nights and even has been to a few of her orchestra concerts. Ruth tries her hardest not to miss a game that the girls cheer at and used to pick the girls up from school before they could drive.

"I don't know how long...but… she's slept with multiple boys already."

Ruth was silent again. "Wow...that is just...wow. Quinn…she didn't seem like the type of girl to…she is sixteen…"

"I know." Shelby agreed quietly.

"Wait. How did you find this out? Please tell me she didn't have a pregnancy scare or something." Her friend's voice was on edge.

Shelby shook her head as she continued to press the phone against her ear, "No...no she uh...she told me actually. She didn't mean to, it just slipped out...then I pulled more information out of her. I just...it's just crazy. You know? She's like another daughter to me...she is having such a hard time right now...with her dad and now with what happened to...San…."

"It sounds like they both have been through way more than anything a 16 year old should have to deal with," Ruth agreed.

Shelby's responded softly, "Yea.." Silence filled the line. Both of the women were caught up with their own thoughts to be able to place them into words.

Finally Ruth spoke, "Alright Shel, well you should probably get back to San." She cleared her voice, but not quickly enough for Shelby not to know that she was crying and trying to hide it. "I'll ..um...I'll try to get some of your paperwork done so it isn't overwhelming when you do get a chance to come in."

"I...ok." Shelby knew there was no point in arguing with Ruth about this. She was right. Shelby needed to get back to San, and work had to get done somehow. Ruth would win this fight, and Shelby didn't have any more fight in her to even try.

Ruth sniffled her nose, "I uh...I have a few appointments set up into the night, but...let me know if you need anything. Anything at all." She cleared her throat again; her voice got tight and broke as she spoke. "And I know that San doesn't want me to know...but...just let her know I am here if she needs me..."

Shelby could tell that her friend was trying extremely hard to keep herself together long enough to end this phone call. She had to blink back more of her own tears herself. She took a breath before addressing Ruth again, "She knows. She can always count on her godmother. She just...she doesn't want to talk yet..."

"I understand." Ruth replied quietly.

"I love you. Thanks for calling Ruth."

"I love you more. Bye..."

Shelby kept the phone pressed to her ear until she heard the familiar click of the phone call being disconnected. She slowly lowered the phone to her lap and then took a couple of long deep breaths to refocus herself.

Shelby finally walked out of her room and spotted her daughter lying on the couch. She took another deep breath and prepared herself to walk over to Santana. In one hour they would have to leave to go get Rachel from school. One hour. Shelby wiped her face one more time before relaxing her eyes and focusing on covering up the sorrow she felt for her daughter. She needed to be the strong one. Santana needed her to be strong, so that was exactly what she was going to try her hardest to do. With that Shelby walked towards her daughter and sat next to her on the couch, pulling her gently into a hug.

* * *

Quinn sat next to Brittany on the grass in front of the school. The final bell has rang and most of the students had already gone home. Cheerio's practice was starting late today because the maintenance guys weren't done mowing the field prior to the final bell. Brittany's dad got caught up at work and had told Brittany to wait out front for him, so Quinn didn't mind waiting with her friend. She had nothing else to do, so they both sat beneath a tree in the front schoolyard staring off into the sky.

Brittany broke the silence, "Hey have you talked to Scott since Puck's party?"

Quinn looked over at her friend and furrowed her eyebrows. It took her a minute to remember what Brittany was talking about. Scott, the guy she was making out with when… Quinn shook her head to stop the thought from finishing, "Uh...no. I haven't."

Brittany pulled her head back and furrowed her eyebrows with a funny look on her face, "Seriously? Why not? He is a hottie."

Quinn didn't want to talk about Scott. She didn't want to talk about anything related to that party. She shrugged her shoulders, "Yea… I don't know Brittany." She hoped a simple excuse would cut the conversation or at least change the subject, "I just haven't had a chance."

Brittany playfully gawked at her, "You, Quinn Fabray, haven't set aside the time to seal the deal with one of your most frequented hotties? What's going on?"

Quinn tried really hard not to wince at Brittany's statement. Was she really this big of a slut? Her friend literally finds it weird that she hasn't slept with Scott again since making out with him at the party. Quinn couldn't help but feel disappointed in herself. She used to feel proud and hot and important and strong to be able to get any guy she wanted to sleep with her. It had made her feel like she was finally in control of something, but now it only makes her feel pathetic and dirty and stupid. Why did she think that sleeping around was a good idea? She didn't realize it was a bad idea until she saw the look on Mama Lopez's face. She knew that sleeping around was obviously frowned upon, but it made things better; easier even, to deal with. It wasn't a big deal until she had to admit it all to Shelby. Now that it was at the front of her mind. She felt gross.

She looked over at her friend. Brittany was staring at her waiting for her to answer. Quinn didn't feel like talking about it, "Nothing is going on. I'm just…I'm over that." She let out a nervous laugh to convince her friend. "Been there done that…you know?"

Brittany continues to hold her look on her friend. She feels her eyebrows soften. She nods her head in understanding, "Got it." Brittany looks back up at the sky beginning to zone back out when she instantly remembers something. She jumped slightly and looks at her friend, very excited with her news, "OH! Speaking of! You know Henry?" When she was met with a confused blank stare she rolled her eyes and continued, "Henry…hot Henry?"

Quinn looked at her friend confused with where this was going. She couldn't think of anyone named Henry that she knew. She was going through all of her classes and previous classes in her head trying to think if there were any "hot" Henrys in them but no one was coming to mind. She shook her head at Brittany again and shrugged her shoulders.

"Henry." Brittany stated again matter of factly, like it was obvious. She felt like if she kept saying his name then her friend would know exactly who she was talking about. Quinn's blank stare was bugging her, "The hot Asian." She knew Quinn knew the guy she was talking about, she just didn't know how else to describe him. He was a boy. Named Henry. Who was hot. And Asian.

Quinn sighed, clearly getting frustrated as well, "I don't know a Henry, Britt."

Brittany sighed and threw her hands up dramatically, "Quinn, there are only like two hot Asians in this school, one's name is like Cho or Chung… the other is Henry."

Quinn quickly looked around her and Brittany to make sure no one was near to hear her friend's last statement. She lowers her voice, "Britt. That was a pretty racist thing to say...not to mention mean."

Brittany looks around herself for anyone listening in on their conversation. No one was even in the front of the school except the two of them. "Oh, sorry," She shrugged her shoulders, "I just know you know who I am talking about."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but what was your point?" Quinn said with a small laugh.

Brittany thinks for another second to herself as she chewed her lip and looked up at the sky. She was trying to think of how to get Quinn to remember who Henry is. She knew that Quinn knew the boy, and didn't want to continue her story until Quinn had an image in her head. She suddenly sat up taller, "I got it!" She exclaimed with a big smile on her face, "Henry! He was the mascot last year!" She hit herself on her forehead with her open palm, "Duh! Why didn't I think of that sooner?"

Quinn arched her eyebrows, "Henry Hernandez?"

Brittany pointed at her friend excitedly, "That's the one! See! I knew you knew him!" She pumps her fist in the air celebrating the fact that she got her friend to figure out who she was talking about.

Quinn cut Brittany's celebration short, "Britt…he is not Asian. He is Hispanic."

Brittany pulls back as her eyes furrow, "Really? Are you sure? His eyes are pretty slanted-"

Quinn cut off her friend before she could continue and scolded her in a hushed voice, "Again Britt...racist. Come on." She shakes her head and sighs, "Anyway…what about Henry were you going to tell me?"

Brittany's face turns into this huge silly grin, "I ran into him today and he asked me to give you his phone number!" She playfully jabbed Quinn with her elbow, "He said he wants to 'hang out'."

Quinn watched as her friend put air quotes over the words 'hang out'. She looked at Brittany's huge grin and couldn't help but deflate. Apparently she is a big slut. That is her classifier, Quinn Fabray: slut. Why was it that now she can see how horribly unattractive that was? How could she not see that before? 'Bracing her inner slut.' What a pathetic slogan. Was she really that fucked up? How did she get here? Her mind was running wildly thought after thought, putting herself down more each time.

Finally she focused on Brittany's hand waving in front of her face. She looked at the tall blonde, "Helloooooo? Earth to Quinn?"

Quinn quickly shook her head bringing her focus back to Brittany, "Sorry B. I uh…" Quinn forced herself to put on a fake polite grin, "Tell Henry 'no thanks' the next time you see him."

Brittany's jaw dropped open in shock, "What? But…but he's hot. It's mascot Henry!"

Quinn rolled her eyes at her friend, "Henry Hernandez. He has a full name."

Brittany dismissed her friend, "Whatever! What's gotten into you?" She was shocked. Quinn never had turned down a guy in the past. Especially not one as hot as Henry the mascot.

Quinn whispered softly to herself, "Too much…that's the problem." She cleared her throat and looked up at Brittany who was staring at her with a blank confused look, "Listen, I'm gonna go to practice."

Brittany looked at her watch, "But you still have 15 minutes?"

Quinn stood up and brushed off her uniform, knocking pieces of grass back to the ground, "Yea I know, I just want to go over the new choreography that she gave us yesterday."

Brittany watched her friend quickly pick up her duffle bag and throw it over her shoulder. She was trying to think if she had said something that would upset Quinn. Her friend leaving in such a hurry was out of character. Brittany couldn't read the look on Quinn's face. Quinn was always so good at wearing masks. "Ok…. Hey is everything ok?" Brittany said unsurely, "You aren't mad are you?"

Quinn quickly shook her head, "No. I'm not mad at you Britt." Quinn looked down at her feet as she kicked at the grass. She couldn't help but feel disgusted with herself and how she let everything get this bad. She was disgusted by her own reputation she had made for herself and couldn't bare to be around her friend any longer. She needed a moment to herself to keep from falling apart. If she had a minute alone then she could compose herself. Besides, wearing masks was something she did best. Quinn looked up at her friend again. Brittany's face was unconvinced, she looked hurt, "I promise," Quinn clarified again.

Quinn forced a smile on her mouth in order to calm her friend's nerves. She didn't want Brittany to think that she upset her. Quinn continued, "I'm just…stressed you know? School, parents…life…." Quinn trailed off as she looked down at the grass again. There was so much she wished that she could change about her life, but she couldn't start thinking about that now. Not in front of Brittany. "I just wanna get to the field early so I can have time to myself and de-stress ya know?"

Brittany searched Quinn's face, trying to read it. When she wasn't able to she accepted her friend's answer, "Yea, ok...I get it. Well listen, I'll see ya later ok?"

Quinn gave her friend a genuine smile. She didn't want Brittany to think that she was mad or upset with her. She wasn't who she was mad and upset at. Brittany always had the best intentions when it came down to it. "Yea definitely." She took a few steps backwards and then paused, "Hey if you ever get a chance to sneak your phone or anything you can always text me or call me ya know. I get bored at the house a lot." She shrugged.

This was true. When she was allowed to be at her parent's house, Quinn was always bored. She spent the majority of her time upstairs in her room, tucked away to try to keep out of the path of her father. With no TV in her room and no interest in reading, she spends most of her time researching random facts on the internet or playing silly games on her computer. It got quite lonely.

Brittany smiled at Quinn, "Trust me, if I could break the code to my parents safe, you would be one of the first people I would text. I've always wanted to get into that safe, now more so than ever." Her smile grew bigger, "I bet my phone is sitting in between a pile of baby dinosaur bones and a huge stack of hundreds."

Quinn couldn't help but giggle at her friend's theory. "Or maybe a piece of a UFO that had broken off," Quinn smiled at Brittany as she turned around and begun to walk away from her friend towards the field.

She heard Brittany reply excitedly, "Ooo! Aliens! I love them!"

Quinn yelled over her shoulder as she continued her walk away from Brittany, "I love you!"

* * *

Rachel got home from school about an hour ago now. Santana hadn't come with her mom to get her even though she skipped school again today. Her mom said something about Santana taking a nap. Rachel shook her head, her sister never used to take this many naps…now it was all she seemed to do. Santana seemed to spend her time napping, showering…or looking like a zombie as she stared at a wall. It confused her. She couldn't understand why one day Santana was the best sister in the world, and the next she seemed to want nothing to do with her. The thought made Rachel's eyes water. She wanted so desperately for her sister to love her again and laugh and tickle her and watch TV with her, but she didn't know what she did wrong and she couldn't seem to fix it.

Once Rachel was done with her homework she asked her mom if she could ride her bike around the block a few times. Her sister was still sleeping on the couch, and she couldn't stand being cooped up in the quiet tense house any longer. It was still sunny outside so she knew her mom would let her ride her bike, which made the eight year old really happy, because she had an idea.

On her way home from school Quinn had called her mom. Quinn had told her mom that Russell told her it was okay to come back home for the night, so the blonde was letting Shelby know that she wouldn't be back tonight for dinner. This phone call made Rachel start to think, so after she finished her homework she decided to put her plan into action.

Rachel was on her pink bike peddling away from her house, down the caul-de-sac. The purple and silver ribbons were whipping in the wind from her handle bars. Quinn only lived two blocks over, so the eight year old started her journey towards Quinn's house. She wanted to help in some way. Santana was sad or mad…or hurt… or sick…? She shook her head as she continued peddling. She wasn't sure what Santana was…that was the problem. All she knew was that she was different and wasn't the same sister she used to know and love. The same sister who loved her. It was confusing and it made Rachel feel helpless and guilty…it had to be something she did to make her sister not want to talk to her, even though their mom insisted that it wasn't anything to do with her. There wasn't any other option. There was no other reason that the eight year old could think of that would cause her sister to start acting so weird so suddenly other than….she had made her mad somehow.

Rachel peddled faster as Quinn's house came into view. Maybe if she could help Quinn with her problem…then Santana would be happy with her. She could tell Quinn's dad that he needs to be nicer to Quinn and not make her so sad, and then it will make Quinn happier and will make Santana not mad at her anymore because she would have done something good to help her 'person'. Rachel smiled at herself as she came to a stop in front of Quinn's big blue and white house. She got off her bike and walked up the stairs onto Quinn's porch. The eight year old took off her helmet and placed it on the banister next to the door before ringing the doorbell.

The door opened slowly revealing Quinn standing on the other side. Quinn's eyebrows furrowed, "Rachel?" The blonde looked behind the young girl and saw that there was no cars in the driveway and saw that there was no one else with the girl. Her eyes fell on the eight year old's pink bike. "Did you ride your bike here alone?"

Rachel smiled up at Quinn, "Yup!"

Quinn opened the door further and motioned for the little girl to come inside. She closed it quietly behind them. "Does your mom know you are here?"

Rachel looked down at her feet as she started nervously kicking at the tiled floor, "Um…" She trailed off.

Quinn sighed. "Rachel," She warned. "What are you doing? What's up? Is everything okay?"

Rachel looked at Quinn again, "Yea, I just-"

"Quinn? Who was at the door?" Russell's voice called from his study around the corner.

Quinn nervously looked in the direction her father's voice had called from, "It's just Rachel, Dad." She answered back in a polite voice.

"Who?" He yelled again.

Quinn sighed before looking back at the eight year old, "Wait here," she told the young brunette before she started walking down the hallway towards her dad's study. If she yelled back an answer again, she knew he would get mad at her. Her dad expected not to have to yell across the house to have a conversation. He was always too 'busy' to meet her, so Quinn knew that she had to walk to where her dad was in order to finish the conversation. Once she was outside his open study's door she peeked around the corner to see Rachel looking at her. Quinn held up a finger at Rachel signaling that it will just be one minute before she took a step to enter her dad's office.

Russell was sitting at his desk. He had piles and piles of papers around him and was staring intently at his computer monitor. His glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose as he looked over them at his work. When Quinn entered the office he looked away from the computer screen for a second, looking at his youngest daughter before he looked back at the screen again. "What?" His voice was curt and short.

Quinn twisted her hands nervously. She was told at a very young age not to bother her father when he was in his office. The office was off limits. It always has been and always will be. Even being one step in made her feel on edge. She cleared her voice, "I was just coming to tell you that Rachel Lopez was the one at the door." Her dad looked at her with a face that said 'so?' She continued, "You were asking…so I just came to tell you." She was met with a blank stare again. "Um…she won't be here long."

"Mr. Fabray?" Rachel's voice came from behind Quinn making Quinn's breath freeze in her chest.

Rachel squeezed her way through the door and past Quinn. She walked up to the chair that sat in front of Russell's desk. Her smile faded instantly when he looked at her with a shocked face.

"Rachel, no. Come here, let's go." Quinn's voice was rushed. Her breathing was quickening and she could feel her heart beat in her throat. She saw the look on her dad's face and it wasn't a good one. Quinn walked quickly up to Rachel and grabbed her shoulders, sending her dad an apologetic look. As she tried to turn the young girl away from the desk Rachel shrugged off Quinn's hands.

Rachel turned to face Quinn's dad again. She couldn't look at his face so she looked down at all the piles of paperwork that cluttered his desk instead. She took a deep breath…she had to be brave in order to help Quinn. "I rode my bike here Mr. Fabray. I rode it here because I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a really mean daddy."

Quinn felt her face pale. She was frozen in shock. She looked from the back of Rachel's head up to her father's face and was met by his angry eyes.

Russell gave Quinn a look that he knew she could read and then looked down at the small child standing in front of his desk, "Excuse me?" His voice was threatening.

Rachel pulled at the bottom of her shirt. She could see the anger start to build in Russell's face but she continued anyway, "Quinn is a good person, and you are a very mean daddy. You shouldn't say those mean things to her and you definitely shouldn't make her cry as much as you do."

Russell's eyes grew wide. He starred back at Rachel before slowly looking up to meet Quinn's gaze again. He glared at his daughter. "Get her out of my study. Right. Now." His voice was low but he over pronounced every syllable, making it seem louder and scarier than it was before.

This finally shook Quinn from her initial shock. She could feel tears in her eyes as she felt her dad's angry gaze on her. Quinn quickly blinked to keep them from falling and grabbed Rachel by the upper arm and began walking quickly out of his office with the young girl trailing behind her.

Rachel yanked her arm away from Quinn. Seeing how mean Russell was getting was only giving her more confidence. It wasn't right. "You are a bully!" She said strongly as she stomped her foot to the ground.

"Rach!" Quinn managed to squeak out as she tried to bring the small girl out of the office again.

Russell stood up quickly from his desk, throwing his chair back into his bookshelf with a loud crash. He started to walk with long big strides over towards the girls. Quinn tugged Rachel as quickly as she could out of the study, much to Rachel's dislike. They were now standing right outside the office door. Rachel was fighting to get free from Quinn's grasp but the blonde had a strong hold this time and wasn't letting go. Quinn and Rachel both froze as Russell was standing directly in front of them now. His hand was on the study's door; his other was on his hip. He shot Quinn an awful glare before he started to close the door at a rapid speed.

As the door started to close in their face Rachel found her voice again, "You can close the door! I will just speak louder! So everyone can hear!" She yelled through the nearly closed door.

Quinn looked at Rachel with wide eyes. She had never seen her like this before. The young girl wasn't giving up. Quinn felt as if her heart was in her throat, how was the eight year old so calm? "Rach, please stop…please-" She begged.

Before Quinn could continue the office door swung open quickly revealing a red faced Russell. He tore his glasses off his face quickly and pointed towards Rachel with them, "Listen you little brat! Get your damn bike-"

Quinn looked at her dad in shock, somehow she found her voice, "Dad! You can't talk to her like that! She is eight!"

Russell whipped his head to glare at his youngest daughter, "Don't you tell me what I CAN and CANNOT do in MY house Quinn Nicole!" His bellows seemed to shake the walls.

Quinn instinctively took a step back, forcing Rachel back with her. She pulled Rachel behind her, "I…I-I'm sorry…I'll walk her out…She will leave now." Her voice was shaky.

"Damn right she will leave now!" Russell shoved Quinn to the side in order to look Rachel directly in the face, "Young lady? A piece of advice for you: don't EVER go marching into someone else's house the way you just did tonight. It is not appropriate in the least." His voice was so scary it left Rachel speechless, which Quinn was thankful for.

Quinn quickly bowed her head and put her hands on Rachel's shoulders urging her to move towards the front door, "Come on Rach."

As they walked away from the office, Russell continued to talk after them. He always did this thing…he said things, that he knew were hurtful, 'under his breath', but loud enough to where he knew you could clearly hear him. "Little brat thinks she can come in here and tell me how to treat MY daughter. She is an eight year old who still has training wheels on her bike…" He let out a sarcastic evil short laugh, "Ridiculous."

Quinn ushered Rachel onto the front porch and closed the front door behind them. She took a deep breath as she tried to wrap her mind around what just happened. She brought her hands to her head and ran her fingers through her hair as she attempted to get her breathing under control.

"I…I'm sorry Quinn…I didn't mean to get you in trouble." Rachel's soft voice broke Quinn's concentration.

Quinn immediately looked down at the little girl and sighed heavily. She tried to pull herself together quickly for Rachel's sake. She put a small smile on her mouth, "It's….It's okay Rachel, he is just in a bad mood…it isn't your fault." Quinn felt like she was always coming up with excuses for her father.

"But...but he is really scary Quinnie…" Rachel's eyes were wide as she stared at her.

"Rach…" Quinn could feel tears sting her eyes. She knew she was going to be in a lot of trouble for this. Her dad was fuming. As soon as she walked back into the house she knew she was going to be torn to shreds for Rachel's outburst…but she couldn't let Rachel feel like this was all her doing. Even though Rachel was the one who initiated the sequence of events, really it was her own fault. She should have done better hiding her home life from the young girl. It was her fault that Rachel even got this idea in the first place. She couldn't let Rachel feel guilty for something that wasn't even her fault to begin with, "It's ok. I'm older…so it isn't as scary for me as it is for you okay?"

She watched as Rachel nodded her head slowly.

Quinn placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder tenderly as she bent down to her eye level, "Listen…let's not tell Mama Lopez about this okay?"

"But-"

Quinn cut Rachel off, "No 'buts' Rachel…you aren't even supposed to ride your bike past the big red house… I don't want you to get in trouble for this. So we can't tell your mom that you were here." She wasn't being completely true. Yes, Rachel wasn't allowed to ride her bike this far from her house, but the real reason she didn't want Rachel to tell her mom about this was because she didn't want Shelby to know that Quinn had let this get this out of control. She couldn't let Shelby find out about what just happened because….well she just couldn't.

Rachel sighed as she looked at the ground, "Okay."

Quinn smiled at the young girl thankful that that had been that easy, "Alright. Are you going to be okay riding your bike back home?"

Rachel looked at Quinn, "Yea. The sun is still up and you are only one street over from the big red house."

"_Quinn!" _Russell's voice could be heard through the door. The two girls looked at the door and paused.

Quinn snapped out of the gaze first. She knew she had to get inside quickly. Keeping her dad waiting was never a good idea. She took a breath, "Okay Rach, I gotta go back inside. Be safe getting home okay? I love you." Quinn pulled Rachel into a big hug and held the girl tightly in her arms.

"I love you to the moon and back and then back again." Rachel said into Quinn's shirt as she hugged her tightly in return.

Quinn smiled and then kissed the top of Rachel's head. She pulled away from the hug with a smile on her lips. "Put on your helmet," she said lovingly to Rachel. Quinn turned quickly towards the door and waved over her shoulder at the eight year old one more time before she reentered her house and closed the big wooden door behind her. She couldn't keep her dad waiting any longer or else this situation would just get worse.

* * *

Rachel hung her head once the door was completely closed. This plan didn't work out at all like she had hoped it would. She slowly pulled on her purple helmet and fastened it underneath her chin. Just as she was about to turn around Rachel could hear Russell's booming voice through the door.

"_What happens in this house is family business. Family business is not to be shared to outsiders. Do you understand me?"_

Rachel couldn't hear Quinn's response. She didn't know why but she felt like she had to stay and listen so the eight year old quietly scooted closer to the door, leaning her head against the wood and cupping her hands over her ears so she could hear things more clearly through the door.

Suddenly Russell's voice yelled, _"I said: DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"_

Rachel jumped a little from the amount of ferocity that was laced in his words. She leaned her head back into the door and re-cupped her ear again. Again she couldn't hear Quinn's response. Quinn's voice was nothing but a soft quiet murmur.

"_Go up to your room. I don't even want to look at you right now. You are such a disappointment. I can't believe you shared our business with an eight year old." _

Rachel's eye brows furrowed at the mention of herself.

"_I didn't tell Rachel-" _Quinn's voice could finally be heard.

"_Then how does she know?" _Russell sounded so angry. Rachel felt a pang of guilt in her stomach.

Again there was no response from Quinn.

"_I asked you a QUESTION!"_ Russell's loud voice made Rachel jump again. She bit her lip to keep from squealing out in fright.

Quinn's answer was muffled.

Russell was quick to reply, _"You don't know?"_ His scary laughter could be heard through the door. Suddenly his voice was calmer, Rachel pressed her ear further onto the door, _"You know what Quinn? When I kick you out…I don't care where you go. Go to the Lopez's…it's a wonder why they choose to deal with such a pain in the ass like you, but if they allow it then by all means…go. Sleep in your car for all I care…I only expect one thing. And that thing is discretion. It is none of their damn business what happens in this house."_

The eight year old strained to hear Quinn's response, but she couldn't hear her pseudo sister's voice at all.

Russell sighed loudly, _"Just go. Get out of my sight before I do something I will regret. I will be up later to deal with you."_

The house was consumed by silence. Rachel finally pulled away from the door and repositioned her helmet on her head. She felt incredibly guilty for making Quinn get into trouble again. It wasn't what she wanted to do. She just wanted to tell her dad that he was sometimes mean and that it made Quinn really sad. She hated seeing Quinn sad.

The eight year old walked down the steps of the front porch quietly and slowly got onto her bike. She started to peddle down the drive way and in the direction of her house. She looked over her shoulder at Quinn's house one more time before she turned the corner. Quinn always tried so hard not to be sad in front of Rachel. She was always smiling and funny, but sometimes when the blonde didn't think that Rachel could see her face, or at night when she thought Rachel was sleeping…she could see and hear Quinn crying. She cried a lot when no one was looking, and it always made Rachel really sad.

Rachel just wanted to help. She wanted to do something useful, but instead she just made things worse. She couldn't help Quinn with her problem…and Rachel knew that the reason for her sadness was her father…so how was she supposed to help Santana when she didn't even know what was wrong with her in the first place?

* * *

"Alright girls, I shouldn't be gone too long." My mom was phoned less than five minutes ago from her practice. There was a problem with a water valve, or something. I don't really remember what she said. All I knew was she had to leave and get to the practice as soon as possible or there was going to be a lot of problems. Me and my mom had spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch again. Somehow I managed to fall asleep in my mother's arms so I missed picking Rachel up from school. When I woke up from my nap, it was already dark outside. Apparently, Quinn had called my mom on her way home from picking Rachel up from school. Her dad 'gave her permission to come back home out of the kindness of his heart'. Asshole. So she wasn't going to be over tonight again. Now I was just sitting on the couch watching as my mom rushed around the house grabbing her purse and cellphone. I could hear my sister in the kitchen poking around the freezer. I looked at my mom as she put on her last shoe. "Santana, are you sure you are okay?" My mom asked me for what felt like the hundredth time.

I closed my eyes and responded, "Yes mom." I wasn't. I wasn't fine at all. My stomach and lower body was aching. My eye had a dull continuous throb. I was scared constantly, and nervous about being left alone with my inquisitive younger sister. Her eyes were so full of questions. But I couldn't tell my mom that I didn't want her to go. I didn't want to be left alone with Rachel. I hadn't really been alone since… but I couldn't be the reason my mom's business fell apart. I didn't want to hold her back. Besides, a small part of me wanted her to leave. I need time to just be by myself. I didn't want to see the hurt on my mom's face anymore; I did need a break from that. So I lied. I told her I was fine. I reassured her that she could leave. It was just a couple hours. I would be fine.

"Why do you keep asking Santana that?" Rachel appeared from the kitchen with a frozen fruit bar in her hand.

My mom looked over at me and must have seen the pleading in my eyes. "Rach, San just…isn't feeling well." She looked down at my sister and put her hands on her hips, "What is the rule about eating in this house?"

My sister looked down at her popsicle then looked back up at my mom with furrowed brows, "But last night you let me eat in my room?"

"That was an exception Rachel. It doesn't mean the food policy has been lifted. What is the rule?" My mom said in her 'I mean business' voice.

"Food is only allowed in the kitchen or at the dining room table." My sister chanted with an attitude in her voice. My mom is always on Rachel about leaving the kitchen with her food. She spills her food and my mom keeps a clean house. The rule was made so Rachel wouldn't spill any more food on my mom's nice couches, throw rugs, or carpets. When I refocused on my sister she was looking at me from across the room. She pointed at me, "I told you, that you should start eating better. You and Quinn really shouldn't go to Twisty Treat as much as you do. Ice cream and burgers are fattening and unhealthy. You wouldn't be sick if you took better care of-"

"Rachel." My mother warned, cutting off my little sister's lecture. "Kitchen. Now. Leave San alone." She looked back at me, "I really gotta go. I love you both. Please behave." With that she turned and ushered Rachel into the kitchen on her way to the front door. "Rachel! Eat in the kitchen! I mean it!" My mom's voice yelled out before the door closed. She was gone.

I sat on the couch a minute after my mom left. I shook my head; I needed a break from life. I took a deep breath, "Rach?" My sister poked her head around the corner, making sure she stayed in the kitchen as she bit off another chunk of her fruit pop. She raised her eyebrows at me. I tried to sit up taller so I wouldn't look as bad as I felt, if it worked or not, I'll never know. "I'm gonna be in the back yard for a bit ok?" Before my sister had a chance to respond I continued to talk, "Make sure you throw away your trash when you are done with that." I slowly stood up from the couch, trying to hide my pain from my sister again.

"You are going outside? Now?" Rachel asked as she bit off another piece of her fruit pop. "It's dark outside," She clarified.

I took a deep breath. I just needed space. I can't have her ask so many questions. I can't answer them. I love her to death but, I just need air. "Rach, please. Just..." I shook my head. "Go finish that and do whatever you were doing before mom left. Just don't break anything."

My sister looked down, juice was beginning to drip onto her hand. She looked up at me and gave me a sad empty look. "Fine. Whatever." With that she turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

I felt my heart break. Me and my sister usually spent the time mom was at work watching TV or a movie together if we both were done with dinner and our homework. Well, we used to anyway. We used to spend a lot of time together. I used to be able to answer all of her silly questions and listen to her rants. I used to joke around with her and playfully pick on her. I used to never lie to her. Everything is different now. I don't know how to be around her anymore. Every time I look at her, she is looking at me with these huge eyes filled with so many questions. I can tell she knows something is going on, but that is exactly the reason why I can't spend too much time with her. I don't want to lie to her anymore. I can't risk her seeing me broken. I don't want her to know about any of this. Not just because of his threat...but because I want to preserve my younger sister's innocence as long as I can. I don't want her to know what evil is out there...and I certainly don't want her to know what he did to me, or rather, what I let him do to me.

I know she looks up to me. I don't want her to know and see me differently, even though I know that isn't fair on her part. She should know who exactly it is that she is looking up to and who she wants 'to be just like when she grows up' but I can't. Keeping her in the dark protects her innocence. I would rather her hate me for the rest of my life if that guaranteed her safety and her sanity. Learning about all this…what rape is…I know my mind is all over the place constantly 24/7 now. Quinn and my mom are having a hard time with it. I don't want my eight year old sister to be concerned with it, ever.

I need air.

* * *

"Ow!" I hissed out loud. I look down at the ground to see the butt of my cigarette on the patio. Was it really out already? I looked at my finger. The damn thing burned me. I gave a heavy sigh and looked up at the stars one more time before slowly picking up the three butt ends and my ashtray and heading for the sliding glass door.

I haven't smoked in a while now. Really the only time I ever grab for my cigarettes is when I am feeling really stressed. I shake my head, any time I've ever smoked before I thought I was stressed. I didn't know what stress was until recently. I had no idea. My mediocre problems of worrying about an exam or worrying about my mother finding out I broke her favorite mug are all behind me now. Now, all my "huge problems" from my past seem incredibly incredibly small. What I wouldn't give to just go back to worrying about those things. I glanced down at my finger again. It really hurts. This new stinging in my finger was a surprised welcome to the constant ache my body has been feeling since…I shake my head. Stop thinking about it. I slide open the door and close it behind me locking it and throwing down the security lock for an extra measure. I hide my ashtray back in its normal spot in the potted plant next to the TV; next to my box of cigarettes. I need to run my finger under some cool water to take some of the stinging out, so I head towards the kitchen.

I suddenly hear Rachel's voice talking to someone. Who is here? I look at my phone, no calls or texts. My friends always text me or call me when they are going to make an appearance. My mom is definitely still at work right? It hasn't been that long since I initially went out back. Right? I pick up my pace towards the kitchen. That's when I hear it.

_His_ chuckle.

At that moment I turn the corner and stand frozen in the entryway to the kitchen. He is there. Rachel is next to him.

My breath is caught in my throat. I can't move. My phone drops to the ground and slides across the floor. I close my eyes and open them again, willing them to see a different image by the time they reopen. What I see can't possibly be right. My little sister was handing HIM a glass of water. She was smiling until she looked at me, then her eyebrows furrowed. I slowly changed my gaze to meet his. I felt like I was shaking. Correction, I am shaking.

**to be continued...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you to all my readers who are still hanging in there with me! Sorry for leaving you all with the cliffhanger, hopefully this chapter will satisfy! Sorry it is so long! Oops!**

**Your reviews are so very much appreciated and a BIG THANK YOU to Beaner008 for helping me with this chapter. You are a total rockstar, babe and I love you tremendously! Alright readers, grab onto your hats and start reading! Here we go...**

**Chapter 9**

He slowly pulled his mouth into a smile. "Why hello Santana, how nice of you to join us."

I couldn't say anything. I was frozen in the entryway to the kitchen. What was he doing here? Did he know that I told...? Was he here to follow through with his threat?

"San?" Rachel's voice broke through to me. Shit. She is in the room. What is going on? How? What?

"Rachel here was just telling me about the importance of drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Weren't you Rachel?" I watched him turn his head and smile at my sister.

She gave a cheeky grin back before replying, "Yup, your body is made up of almost 90% water! It is crazy!" She smiled at me, "I'm always telling Sanny to drink more water, but she…" She started to trail off; her eyes took in my face. She opened her mouth to speak. I can't move.

"Are you doing ok Santana? You look a little pale?" He spoke; his face had a look of concern on it. A show for my sister. I watched in horror as he set his glass of water down on the table and placed his hand gently on the top of Rachel's head.

Rachel pulled away and looked up at him questioningly. He smiled back at her, "You have something in your hair, let me get it out for you."

I put my hand on the doorway to hold myself up, grasping it hard. How was this happening? I watched him step closer to my sister and gently run his fingers through her hair. "Your hair is incredibly soft and beautiful." My little sister smiled again. My stomach was doing flips. I feel like my feet are super glued to the ground.

"Well thank you very much." She replied to the complement.

He turned his attention back to me. All I could see was him placing his hand on my little sister's shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "Santana, you have one amazing little sister here. I didn't even know you had a sister, what a lovely surprise." A gold tooth shimmered in the kitchen lights as he smiled a big evil smile.

"I…" My eyes were starting to water. I need to get him away from my sister. I…I just can't move. I literally can't make my muscles work. I feel nauseous. I grasp the door frame harder. I can't take my eyes away from his tooth. I didn't see that before...in the woods.

"Well Santana, I can tell you aren't feeling well so I'll make this quick. I was just stopping by to make sure you were keeping up with your end of our arrangement, if you know what I mean." I continued to watch him as he studied me. It made me want to throw up again. "If you don't keep your end then we could always make other arrangements." He slowly smiled again before directing his gaze down at Rachel.

It felt like he was kicking me in my stomach again. I can't breathe.

"Sanny, what is going on?" Rachel was volleying her gaze between me and him. She started to sense the uneasiness in the room and attempted to shrug off his hand from her shoulder. His grip remained strong.

"Your sister and I made an arrangement Rachel." He said simply.

Rachel looked up to him, unsure of what was going on. "An arrangement?"

He nodded without breaking eye contact from the young girl, "One that now includes you."

I drew in a sharp breath. I could feel the blood drain quickly from my face. I feel light headed.

Rachel was watching me now. She pulled herself from his grasp and made her way over to me. He let her go without a struggle; he knew that he had made his point. He gave a soft chuckle again. Rachel slowly slipped her hand into mine and grasped tightly. I didn't care that my finger was stinging from the cigarette burn I had just received minutes earlier, I grabbed back tightly. I couldn't move. He was standing in front of me. In my house. He was just brushing my little sister's hair. He just threatened my little sister. I feel like I'm frozen. If I move, I might shatter into a million pieces.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and then slowly started to make his way out of the kitchen towards the front of the house. He looked over his shoulder, "It was nice meeting you Rachel, you're just as pretty as your sister." He winked, "Don't let anyone tell you differently."

Rachel added her other hand to our already grasped hands and took a step closer to me. I could see in the corner of my eyes that she was looking up towards me, waiting for me to say something. For me to do something. When I remained frozen, I heard her say, "I think my sister is prettier." I squeezed her hand harder as soon as the words left her lips, he had stopped walking.

He turned around and looked at me as he spoke to Rachel, "Oh, I know very well how pretty she is, but it doesn't mean that you are not." I could feel the bile rising in my throat. He paused then said, "Take care of that sister of yours, Santana." He pulled his gaze down to Rachel, "Same goes for you Rachel. You both have a good night, but not too much fun of course." With that he smiled one last time before he turned around and walked into the hallway and out the front door, closing it behind him carelessly.

* * *

I feel like my world is spinning. I can smell his scent that still lingered in the room. My mind was running a mile a minute. I shake my head and blink my eyes a couple times as tears begin to cloud my vision. That just happened? I close my eyes and coach myself to take deep breaths, but I just feel my lungs being able to hold less and less air. I feel extremely lightheaded. My stomach is churning.

"Sanny?" My little sister broke me from my thoughts by tugging at my hand. I slowly look down at her worried face. My eyes were brimmed with tears, I couldn't help it. She was looking up at me so innocently. I heard his new threat echo in my head. I snapped. I shook my hand from Rachel's grasp and steadied myself with the door frame putting space between us.

"What the HELL were you thinking Rachel?" I bring my hands up to my forehead. I'm shaking my head. The past five minutes keep replaying over and over. "I mean, what the FUCK were you thinking?"

Rachel jumped back at my screaming. I rarely ever cussed in front of my little sister, and even more rarely did I ever cuss at her. "H-h-he said…he said he was your friend. He a-a-asked f-for you." She was looking at me with big eyes.

I lowered my voice. I feel like the wind was knocked out from my lungs. "What? Wh-what did he say? What…what did you say to him?" I pushed myself off the wall into a standing position and took a step closer to Rachel.

Her eyes were darting around the kitchen, she was nervous. I was making her nervous. "Nothing. I-I-I…he asked for you. He said…he said he knew you very well? I…I told him that you would be inside in a minute…I just offered him water? I…Mom always offers her guests something to drink…." She trailed off. She was rocking side to side and speaking incredibly fast.

I was shaking. I was so mad. "You….You just invited a fucking STRANGER into the house? You offered him water?" I'm freaking out. My hands are on my head again. "Rachel you can't do that!" I wave my hands around in anger, "You. Can't. DO THAT!" I suddenly turn and hit the wall next to me. My sister jumps back away from me.

"Sanny! I'm…I'm sorry. He…he knew you-" She was crying now but I cut her off before she could continue. I knew she was crying, but I have so many emotions running through me. He 'knew me' It made me feel sick. She invited him inside our house! He was talking to her alone while I was outside smoking! My mind is running over the numerous possibilities of what could have happened. I know what he is capable of.

"No." I look at her scared confused face. "NO! You don't do that! You NEVER do that! Never open the door again! For ANYONE!" I walk up to my sister and bend down to her eye level grabbing the sides of her arms firmly. "Rachel. NEVER AGAIN! Never. NEVER!" I'm shaking her with every word. I can hear her sobbing, but my heart is beating so fast. My brain is in overdrive. He was in my house. He was touching my little sister. I stand up and pull away from her quickly, realizing what I was just doing. I bury my face in my hands.

Rachel is staring at me through tear clouded eyes. Confusion covered her face. I can't deal with this. I can't. "Santana w-w-whats g-going on?" She said between sobs as her shaking hands tried to wipe tears from her face. I can't.

"Go Rachel. Just go." I muffle into my hands. I can't look at her, I can't move, I can't answer any of her questions. I can't do anything. Not right now, not after he was here...in my kitchen...with my little sister...

"San?"

"Go to bed Rach." I put my arms down to my side, and slowly lift my head. She is still standing there staring at me with her tear stained cheeks. She has so many questions in her eyes. "I said GO! NOW!" My loud voice makes her jump again. I draw in a shaky breath and try again, "Rachel. Please. Go to bed. Just...Just go." I lean backwards against the wall, allowing it to hold all my weight. My hand is a little sore from where I punched the wall, but it just added insult to injury. My whole body was aching. I need painkillers. Lots of them. "Go." I repeat quietly one more time.

I watch my little sister slowly back away from me. She turns on her heel and picks up the pace towards the stairs. I can hear her crying by the time she starts to make her way up the stairs. When I hear her door slam close, I find the strength to walk as fast as I can to the front door. I turn the deadbolt along with the knob lock. I can hear Rachel crying loudly in her room at the bottom of the stairs. This is too much, I let my legs crumble underneath me and fall to the ground with my back to the door.

Why is this happening? Why is this my life? Why didn't I listen to him? I shouldn't have told...I should have hidden better... He was in my kitchen. He was smiling at me. His voice. His smell. His shiny tooth and tiger tattoo. All of it. He was here, threatening my little sister. I feel like I can feel his touch on my skin. I feel like he is somehow watching me. When I close my eyes I feel him lying on top of me. I feel him...in me. I feel nauseous. Against my body's weak protests, I sprint up the stairs and make it to the toilet just in time to empty my stomach's contents.

I'm in the bathroom next to my sister's room, her crying is so loud. I throw up again. The thought of him running his fingers through her hair makes the bathroom spin uncontrollably; he used those same fingers on me... I'm dry heaving now. There isn't anything left for me to throw up, but my body is trying to purge everything it can to make it better. It isn't working.

* * *

What felt like hours later, I was still sitting on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet. The wall was holding me up as I sat against it. Rachel's cries had finally subsided. I gently pushed myself to a standing position, walked slowly to her door and open it. The silence of the house echoed in my ear. I crept into the room. Her light next to her bed was still on. I walked into her room as quietly as possible and paused as I reached over to switch off the light. Her cheeks were tear stained and her eyes were puffy. She had cried herself to sleep. I frowned, but forced myself to pull up her comforter, tuck her in and turn out her light.

I shook my head as I watched her sleep for one more moment. I yelled at her. I cussed and yelled in her face as I shook her tiny body. Tears pricked my eyes again as the shame seeped deeper. I've never laid a hand on Rachel that way. I couldn't explain to her that after he left the only thing I felt was panicked anger. I couldn't comprehend anything else. I couldn't see how she was feeling. I was angry at her for letting him in the house, I was angry at her for letting him stand next to her and talk to her. I shouldn't have been angry. She didn't know; she couldn't understand that. I paused and looked at her once more. I couldn't expect her to. She was eight years old. She looked up to me. She told me once that I was perfect. Maybe someday I could see her as a person. However, right now she embodied innocence. I wasn't going to be the one that ruined that. I haven't told her anything for a reason. She needed to stay in the dark. I wanted to keep it that way.

I sighed and sat on the floor next to her bed. Her breaths whispered in my ear. I retraced everything that happened. I smacked my palm into my forehead quietly. Why couldn't I move? He touched her. He put his terrible, dirty hands on her. And I stood there and did nothing. Then after he left, I still did nothing. I should have talked to her. I should have told her this wasn't okay. But I just went to the yelling place. I did that with my mom, but never with Rachel. Even those times that Rachel drove me insane, I made sure not to yell at her. I couldn't yell at her. Years ago I vowed that I would never do that.

_Thirteen year old Quinn and I climbed out of Alexa's car. _

_"Are you sure you girls will be okay?" Alexa asked. _

_I nodded. "Yes, Rachel is home with Ryan, my mom's boyfriend, and my mom will be home anytime." _

_Alexa narrowed her eyes. "Please behave." _

_"God, you're not Mom," Quinn hissed at her sister embarrassed. _

_"Might as well be," she muttered. She straightened. "Mom will be by to pick you up, Quinn." she narrowed her eyes. "Call me if she forgets, okay? I'll swing by after work and pick you up." _

_"I'm fine, Alexa," Quinn hissed again. I looked at the ground and pretended that the grass was super interesting. My mother should mow the lawn or maybe get the boy down the street to do it, I think to myself. _

_"Let's go," Quinn pulled me towards my house. _

_I walk over the messy backyard. There were books and toys in the hammock and balls in the backyard. I frowned. My mom asked us to clean up yesterday and I forgot to help Rachel. I shrugged. Oops. _

_"I thought practice wasn't that bad today," Quinn said interrupting my thoughts. _

_"Yeah, it was fine," I mutter. We approach the house and I can hear yelling. I frown. "I can't believe my mom let him pick her up from daycare. I told her we could watch her at practice," I said angrily. "I hate him, Quinn. All he does is yell at her. She's five. What does he expect?" _

_Quinn didn't respond right away. I looked over at her as we drew closer to the house and started up the back steps of the porch. _

_"Yelling isn't that bad, San," she said quietly _

_I stopped in my tracks. "What?" _

_She looked at me hesitantly. "What I mean... is... um... I …." She licked her lips. "Your mom is perfect. She's like super mom... Most parents yell, San...It isn't that bad really." _

_I looked at her. "Like who, Quinn? Your dad?" I didn't mean to but my words came out sharp and angry. I hated her dad. He was scary, mean and rude. I usually never said anything about him or brought up how wicked he was in conversation. Not until this moment. _

_I hear a sob from inside and I shake my head at my best friend and start inside. When I open the backdoor, I hear Rachel crying. I dropped my bag and run toward her cries._

_I stop outside of the open door of the office. He is shaking Rachel. His hands were clamped around her tiny arms. _

_"What did I tell you?" he bellowed. Rachel sobbed and didn't answer. He shook her again. "Huh?" _

_"I'm sorry," Rachel sobbed. _

_"What are you doing?" I spit at him walking toward Rachel. Rachel's teary eyes light up, hoping. _

_"Stay out of it!" Ryan scolded at me._

_"No!" I hissed. "She's five and you're hurting her!" _

_"She drew all over my affidavit and research! I have court at 8am. I do not have time for this!" He still had his arm around Rachel. _

_"My mom will talk to her then. You don't even live here so don't you dare try to act like a parent," I sneered. I looked toward Rachel who was still crying. "Come here, boo." _

_I held out my hand to her. She started toward me but she was yanked back. _

_"No, get out," he hissed. _

_"No!" I yelled. "Give me my sister!" _

_He let go of Rachel's arm and started to walk towards me really fast. He was a tall man; I couldn't help but feel like I was being charged. I backed up out of instinct. Suddenly, he smiled at me. And to my surprise he closed the glass french door and turned the pad lock. _

_I looked through the glass door over at Rachel who lowered her head, almost in defeat. The hope that she had when she saw me walk in was gone. I watched with big eyes as he stalked back towards Rachel. Rachel backed up slowly and let out a sob as he reached for her and pulled her closer. _

_"I told you what would happen if you touched my stuff!" he bellowed. _

_"Hey!" I yelled from the other side of the door. I banged on the glass. He didn't even look at me but instead continued to yell at her. However, I couldn't hear what he was saying this time. I was too focused on what he was doing. He yanked Rachel's pants and underwear down and threw her across the back of the lounge chair. She practically flew through the air. She didn't have any time to recover as the air was knocked out of her and he began to spank her. She sobbed after each blow. _

_I banged on the door. I looked over at Quinn desperately. "Help me," I said. I didn't realize I was crying until I heard my voice or saw that she was blurry. However, when my vision focused I saw that she was just standing there with her head bowed. It was as if it was the stance that you were supposed to take when this happens. _

_I turn back and I froze even more. Rachel's bottom was already red and bruised as if this had happened before. I was so concentrated on Rachel and the fact that I couldn't help her that I didn't hear the front door open and slam shut. _

_"What the hell!" I hear my mother scream behind me. _

_I looked up in relief and heaved breaths. All I could do was shake my head and cry. My mother put her hand reassuringly on my shoulder with one hand and reached on the top of the door ledge to reach for the key. I let out a sob. Why didn't I remember that the key was up there? _

_Once the door was open, I followed my mother into the room. He had pulled Rachel off of the back of the chair and was standing next to her. Rachel was crying quieter than I have ever heard her cry before as she stared at the floor. I reached for her. _

_"Shelby, I-," Ryan looked like he knew he did something wrong and I was grateful for that. _

_However, he never finished his sentence because my mother pushed past him and led Rachel and me away from him. "Shut up," she snapped. "Just shut up." She turned to Rachel. "Come here, boo." She pulled Rachel close and knelt down in front of her. She hushed her quiet sobs and looked at her bottom. I saw something in my mother's eyes change. She gave Rachel a gentle kiss and pulled up Rachel's underwear and pants. She looked back at him with a hardened look. _

_"Shelby," he started again. _

_"Shut up," she said again causing both me and Rachel to jump. She leaned back down at me and Rachel and said in her normal mom voice, the mom that I knew, "Take your sister and Quinn upstairs and run a nice bath for Rachel." _

_"But -" I started looking back and forth between Ryan and my mother. _

_"Shelby, I'm sorry but she-" _

_"Do not talk," my mom snapped again over her shoulder towards the tall man. "Santana, do as I say," she said, the look in her eyes still coming back to the darkened state before. She looked back at Ryan who opened his mouth to say something. "Don't speak," she hissed at him. She looked back at me and said, "Go, Santana." _

_I took Rachel's hand and led her out of the room. I looked at Quinn and she immediately followed us. I brought Rachel up the stairs with Quinn and led her to my bathroom. _

_"Will you run a hot bath for her?" I asked my friend. _

_Quinn looked at me. "A warm one would feel better... You don't want it too hot…" she trailed off. _

_I looked at Quinn. I didn't fully understand what she was saying, but it felt like she was saying something other than the actual words. _

_"Sure," she stuttered again. _

_"I'll be right back," I said. I paused at the door and looked back at my best friend as she helped Rachel undress. Rachel was hiccupping quietly and shaking as she cried. _

_"You're going to be fine, Rachie," she whispered. "I promise you. I know it hurts," she said quietly. I don't think she realized I was still in the room. "I'm sorry you got hit. You are ok, it wasn't for too long..." _

_I frowned behind my friend. How long had Quinn been spanked before? I heard yelling coming from downstairs and I knew that I wanted to hear what was being said. Rachel was safe with Quinn. _

_"You okay?" I asked._

_Quinn turned in surprise. "Yeah," she stuttered. "We're fine." _

_I nodded and walked quietly down the stairs. The office was at the bottom of the stairs. I was able to hear and see what was happening in the room while sitting on the stairs. I have sat here numerous times listening in as my mom and Ruth gossiped or talked about important things._

_"Shelby-" Ryan said._

_"No!" My mom yelled. "Who do you think you are?" My mom pushed him. "These are my kids! I trusted you!" She pushed him on his chest again. "You hit her!" She pushed him harder sending him stumbling backwards a little before he caught his footing. "How does it feel, big guy? She's five years old!" She let out a yell. _

_"Shelby, listen to me!" he pleaded. "It was just a spanking! You're overreacting." _

_"No!" she hissed. "Have you touched Santana?" _

_He frowned at the mention of me and I couldn't help but feel a strange shame. "No," he said. "She barely lets me talk to her." _

_My mom pushed him again. "She didn't want to trust you! She didn't want to trust you because her father died. I told you this! And she was right not to trust you!" My mom shook her head. "God damn it, Ryan!" _

_"Shelby, please just hear me out."_

_"No!" my mom yelled. "I looked at Rachel just now." Her voice was low. "How many times have you hit my kid?" _

_My mom spoke low and slowly in the way that made me know that she meant business. Part of me wished I didn't see her scary face. I hated her scary face. _

_Ryan didn't answer. _

_"Tell me, Ryan or I swear-" She was shaking she was so mad._

_"Five," he mumbled. He cleared his throat and loosened his tie. "Five times. This was the fifth..." _

_"What!" my mom screamed. "I introduced you to them two weeks ago!" She shook her head. "Tell me, what the HELL did my five year old do that made you want to bruise her?" _

_"I'm sorry, Shelby, but your children aren't angelic. She has no boundaries!" _

_"Shut up!" my mother screamed. "My children have minds, yes. They do have mouths, yes, but I am the parent! Not you! I never asked you to parent my children! You volunteered to pick her up from daycare. That's it!" I watched my mom pause. "You were never alone with my children five times." She thought for a moment. She thought out loud. "You watched them last week when I worked late on that case...And then last Monday and Friday when Santana had practice." Her eyes did that thing again. They hardened and were almost black. "You hit her twice in one day?" _

_"You don't know what she did!" Ryan frowned._

_"Get out of my house. Get your shit and get out of my house!"_

_"Shelby," he said. _

_"If you talk to me or my children ever again, I will have you arrested. Get out of my house and I suggest getting out of this town." My mother stepped closer to him. "I know the senior partner at your firm. She will know about this and what you did." Ryan looked at her with a frown. "Get out."_

Tonight I turned into Ryan. I became just as bad as he was. I grabbed her by the arms the same way he had done when I walked into the office all those years ago. My voice had boomed in her face, causing her to flinch away the same way she had done when he had yelled at her. Tears fell at my realization of myself. Rachel had looked at me with her big brown eyes filled with complete fear and uneasiness, something I have ever only seen her do towards that bastard Ryan...and now me. Was I turning into a monster too?

I turn my head to look at Rachel again as I swat a few tears off my cheek. I should have done more while he was there. I should have gotten Rachel away from him and out of his reach but I was paralyzed with fear. I was paralyzed until he was out of sight and then I snapped. I snapped and I scared her, just like Ryan had done to her and just like _he _had done to me.

I sighed heavily and slowly brought myself to my feet. I needed to get in bed before my mom came home. I didn't have any energy left to see her and talk to her. I wouldn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her about what happened tonight and I wasn't feeling up to lying. I gently bent down to plant another soft kiss on Rachel's forehead and whispered a quick apology into her ear before turning to leave and head to my room. I feel exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I just need to lie in my bed and close my eyes and hope that sleep brings me far far away from here; away from this hell that has become my life.

* * *

I woke with a start and my hair matted to my face, drenched in sweat. Another nightmare. I shook my head and wiped my face with my hands as I tried to even my breathing. It was just a dream, I had to remind myself. I look around my room and notice the brightness, it was morning already. I slept through the night but I still felt exhausted. I wiped my forehead to get my hair off of my face. The events of the previous night instantly filled my mind, assaulting my brain without warning. He was in my house. He was here and he was talking and touching Rachel.

_"It was nice meeting you Rachel, you're just as pretty as your sister."_

His words to Rachel echoed in my head. It made my stomach suddenly churn. My throat was suddenly hot as my body covered in an instant cold sweat; I threw the covers off of me and stumbled to my bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet in time before I threw up. It took the wind from my lungs and left me feeling like the world was spinning. All I could keep picturing was him running his fingers through my baby sister's hair. All I kept hearing was his new threat. Rachel was added to our 'agreement' now. Now it wasn't just my life, it was my sister's. I gripped the toilet tighter.

After emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet a couple times more, I stood up on my uneasy legs and turned on the sink. I felt so weak. I looked at my reflection in the mirror as the water ran. I'm so pale. My eye is still bruised. I can still see the split in my lip that is well on its way to being healed. It was Saturday now, but Tuesday night didn't feel very far away. I looked down at the sink as the water rushed down the drain. I wish I could just wash everything down the drain. I wish everything was how it was before…I shook my head as tears made their way down my face. Nothing would ever be the same again. Ever.

Suddenly I heard my door creak. I snap my head in its direction and see my sister leaning against my open bathroom door watching me. Her body was hidden behind the door but her head was popped out and her eyes were wide as her lip trembled. How long was she there? "Rach?"

Saying her name made Rachel jump backwards.

"How long have you been standing there?" I snapped at her fiercely. Panic was setting over me. How much had she seen?

She immediately let go of the door and looked down at the ground. I barely had time to swat at my eyes to hide my tears before she looked up again at me. Her eyes were filled with tears and her lip was trembling. She twisted her hands together nervously, "I…I-m s-s-sorry. I could hear you….so I came in here…"

My sister was stumbling over her words, something she rarely ever did. That is when I noticed her hands were shaking. She was scared, scared of me and my reaction. I really messed up last night. "You watched me?" My question came out with disbelief. I didn't know she was there and I didn't know how long she was there for. Did she see me get sick? Did she see how sad and tired my face is? I was trying to hide all of this from her, I shake my head. I started to feel angry. She shouldn't have been in my room without my permission. She shouldn't have been standing there watching me.

Rachel took a small step backwards, "You...you were throwing up. I…" Rachel looked to the ground nervously, "I…Are you okay?" Rachel looked up and met my eyes. Her eyes were searching mine in a panic. The same panic that looked at me last night, when he stopped by and was threatening her without her knowledge. The same uncertainty that she had when she was looking into my eyes as I yelled at her.

I grabbed the bathroom sink again to steady my shaky legs. "I'm fine Rach." It was all I could muster right now.

Rachel looked at me with skeptical eyes. "You are really pale." It was just a simple observation, but it felt like a stab at me, even though she didn't intend it that way.

I shook my head, "Rachel," I warned as I grew angrier.

"B-but you…you threw up…a lot," Rachel stumbled to get the words out.

I suddenly grabbed the brush that was rested by my hand and slammed it down onto the counter, making a loud bang that radiated off the bathroom tiled walls. "Enough! I said I am fine! Drop it!" I growled at her loudly.

She immediately drew in a sharp breath as tears rushed down her cheeks, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry…don't get mad…please…" Rachel had her hands out in front of her, as if to keep me back. She was scared that I was going to get in her face again?

I really messed up last night. I looked up at the mirror. I was pale. I hate throwing up. I hate all of this. "I need you to go Rachel." I looked back over at my little sister who hadn't moved from where she was standing.

Rachel was looking at me with fear written all over her face. She looked me directly in the eyes. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her lip continued to tremble. Her focus was so strong, I had to break my eyes away. I didn't want her looking at me. She didn't move, even after my request. "W-what is going on? S-s-something is wrong..." She asked with a quiet innocent voice. I couldn't answer her. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't come up with a lie. There wasn't a lie that fit what I looked like right now. She continued with a slow pace, "You've been… acting different. A-a-and last night...you…you never yell at me." She bowed her head and let out a trembling breath. She looked back up at me slowly, "You are…you are really s-scaring me..." She shrugged her shoulders, "Something is wrong and I am worried." She began to cry heavier and drew in a shaky breath, "Did I do something wrong?"

It felt like I was punched in the stomach by her words. I didn't want my eight year old sister worrying about me and I certainly didn't want her blaming herself. I've been trying my best to keep it together when I am around her but last night I couldn't control it. I begin to think about how I didn't realize I was shaking her and yelling at her until her crying broke through my fearful trance again. I shake my head, bringing me out of the awful memory from the previous night. I was trying so hard to keep all of this from changing me in her eyes. Clearly my best isn't good enough…again. I open my mouth to try to form words. Nothing comes out. My sister is standing just outside my bathroom staring up at me waiting nervously for an answer and I can't come up with anything. Her hands are trembling as tears run down her cheeks.

"Rachel," I start and then pause. There isn't anything to say, I just want to be alone. I shake my head, "Just…just go downstairs…."

"But, Sissy-"

I cut her off quickly, "Go! Now!" The word comes out sharply and strongly. I watch as she jumps back a little again from the harsh word. I open my mouth again to try to calm her but Rachel is slowly backing away from my door as her eyes fill with more tears. Maybe it was better that she wasn't around me right now. Maybe this was for the best. I felt like I didn't know who I was becoming around her. I can't have her near me when I am like this. When I am so…on edge. What if I snapped and hurt her? I wouldn't be able to live with myself at all. I watched her continue to back away from me. She was looking at me like I was a big scary monster ready to launch at her, and that killed me.

"I'm gonna… go get mom." Rachel said quickly as she rushed towards my door and ran out of my bedroom sniffling as she left.

"Don't…" She was already gone by the time the words left my lips. I felt so disappointed in myself. I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand while the other held all my weight with leaning on the counter. Tears quickly filled my eyes. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to get them under control. Why couldn't I just have come up with a lie to tell her? Why did I snap like that? I never act this way and now it seems to be the only way I can act. I don't want this to affect Rachel. I don't want her to be worried about me and I definitely don't want her to be scared of me. I hate all of this. I clutch to the bathroom counter tighter to continue to hold me on my feet. The room is spinning again.

* * *

Rachel ran as fast as her legs could carry her through the hallway and down the stairs towards her mother's bedroom. She was crying heavily and choking on sobs as she ran. She felt like she didn't even know her sister anymore and she didn't understand why any of it was happening. She had asked her sister if it was because of her and Santana hadn't given her an answer before kicking her out of her room angrily. The eight year old was so confused and scared.

Rachel ran through her mom's door to see her mom lying on her huge bed reading a book. As soon as Shelby looked up from her book her eight year old was by her side crying heavily.

"Boo? What is wrong?" She set her book down on her bed and swung her legs over the edge, pulling herself into a sitting position. Shelby saw her daughter was hiccupping for breaths so she gently pulled Rachel onto her lap and held her in a tight hug.

Rachel let herself be moved by her mom and wrapped her arms around her mother's neck burying her face into the crook of her neck as she continued to cry. She could feel her mother rubbing gentle circles on her back to calm her down.

When Rachel didn't answer her question Shelby tried again, "What's wrong baby?"

Rachel shook her head into her mother's neck, "Nothing," she hiccupped, "Nothing it…it was m-my fault. It is n-n-nothing."

"It doesn't sound like it is 'nothing'," Shelby replied gently. She felt her daughter trembling in her arms, "You are shaking? Are you okay?"

Rachel pulled back from her mother's neck and looked into her eyes. "Mama?"

Shelby smiled kindly as she brushed a stray hair from Rachel's face and tucked it behind her ear, "What is it baby?"

Rachel drew in a shaky breath, "What is wrong with sissy?"

The question made Shelby freeze, she didn't think that this had anything to do with Santana but apparently it did. It didn't make sense. She understood her eight year old being confused and sad about how things have been lately…but scared to the point where she was hysterically crying and shaking? That didn't make sense. She didn't want to ask because she didn't want to know the answer but she had to. Shelby slowly opened her mouth to reply, "Did Santana scare you?"

The instant flash of hurt that covered her youngest daughter's face gave her her answer. It didn't make any sense though. What had happened while she was in here reading? Santana was always so great with Rachel. She had problems years back with controlling her anger, but she never directed it at her sister. If anything Santana would go above and beyond as a big sister towards Rachel.

"It…it was my fault. I made her mad…" Rachel trailed off as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

Shelby's eyebrows furrowed even more, "What do you mean by that? How did you make her mad?"

Rachel shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as her breathing became choppy again, "I-I-I don't know. I don't know." She looked at her mother, "Something is wrong mama. Can you see it too?"

Shelby felt her face drop a little. Lying to her children wasn't something she normally did, but somehow she had to comfort Rachel without breaking Santana's trust. She wasn't ready to have this conversation with Rachel anyways and she definitely didn't want to have it without discussing it with Santana first. Her daughter deserved to be in control of at least that. Shelby took a deep breath, "Rachel, I will talk to her okay?"

"B-but what is wrong?" Rachel was looking at Shelby with her big brown eyes, "What…what can I do to make her l-l-love me again?"

Shelby let out a sigh, "Oh baby." She pulled Rachel into another hug, "This has nothing to do with you. Your sister loves you very much, I promise."

"But…but she was like Ryan…it was scary…and it-it was my f-fault…" Rachel mumbled into her mother's shirt.

Shelby's eyes furrowed even further than she thought possible. She instantly pulled her daughter away and looked into Rachel's eyes, "What do you mean she was 'like Ryan'?"

Shelby hated that she dated that asshole and let him get near her kids. She hated that she didn't know that he had been spanking Rachel and leaving her backside bruised and red. But what she hated most was that Rachel remembered it all. Ryan had seemed like such a great man, only to turn out to be a horrible monster. The fact that Rachel was comparing Santana to Ryan made Shelby's stomach drop. Had Santana hit her sister? Is that what started all of this? Surely that couldn't have been what happened? Shelby couldn't help but question herself again…Santana was going through something unimaginable and was having a very hard time with it, but would she go as far as hitting her baby sister?

Rachel paused, "Nevermind." She wiped her eyes again and avoided her mother's questioning gaze as she continued to sit on her lap. "I'm…I'm going to go g-get ready for dance. Is that okay?"

Shelby searched her daughter's eyes. Rachel was worn out and it was still the morning. She could tell her eight year old didn't want to talk anymore so she gently set Rachel down on her feet as she stood up next to her. "Of course. You get ready and I'm going to go talk to your sister for a bit okay?"

Rachel looked down at the ground and kicked her feet into the carpet aimlessly, "Okay," she mumbled. "I'm sorry…" She said quietly.

Shelby lifted Rachel's chin with her hand, "You have nothing to apologize for, understand?" Rachel nodded her head silently. "Ok, go put on your dance clothes and then I will meet you downstairs when it is time to leave. I love you boo, and so does Santana."

"I love you too," Rachel replied barely above a whisper.

* * *

"San?" My mom's strong voice startled me. My eyes flew open just as she entered my bathroom. She had a funny look on her face, one that I couldn't read. "Did you hit your sister?" She asked bluntly and sharply.

My hand slipped on the counter causing me to stumble. I quickly repositioned it to help me hold up my weight again. I felt like the breath was taken out of my lungs, "What?" My voice was weak; I tried again, "No. I would never." I looked at her with horror on my face, "Did she say that I did?"

My mom let out a breath that she was obviously holding. She stood next to me and turned around leaning her back up against the countertop as she put a hand on her forehead. She took a few more breaths, "No… no she didn't." She shook her head and dropped her hand, "I…I didn't think you would but, she was so scared," Her brows furrowed as she continued, "and she said something about Ryan…" My mother turned her head so she could look me in the eyes, "What happened San?"

I felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach again. My mother's words felt like they were cutting me even though I know she didn't mean to. "She told you that I reminded her of Ryan?" Saying it out loud was hard. It was what I had been thinking moments earlier. I reminded myself of that awful man and I could see the fear on Rachel's face…of course she would make the connection herself. But hearing my mom say that Rachel had brought up Ryan after fleeing my room stung my heart.

My mother dodged my question, "What is going on? Why was she crying?"

I looked away from my mom's eyes and down at the sink. "I…I just… I lost my temper and I yelled at her…I…I yelled and I scared her…" I could feel tears pricking my eyes. It wasn't the entire truth, but it was most of it.

"But why?" My mother asked.

I felt so many things at once. I was completely horrified with how I treated Rachel, I felt sick and achy physically, I was still shaken up from being feet away from him again as he stood in my kitchen last night, and now I'm frustrated from all the questions that were being asked that I couldn't answer. I slam my brush down again with a loud slam, "I don't know mom!" I yelled at her. I saw my mom pull her head back; looking at me in surprise, I instantly regretted it. What was wrong with me? I put my right hand over my eyes and took a deep breath, "Sorry… I'm sorry." Once my voice was calmed down I removed my hand and looked straight into my mother's eyes, "I wouldn't ever hit her…I wouldn't." I saw my mom searching my eyes. I took another breath, "I didn't mean to yell… I'm sorry." I shook my head as I regripped the bathroom counter and hung my head. I felt so weak and nauseous.

My mom must have seen how weak I felt because the next thing I knew she was guiding me over to the toilet so I could sit down. I sat down and watched as she grabbed a clean rag from under my sink and ran it under the cool water before turning off the faucet and wringing it out. She handed it to me and leaned on the hamper so she was directly across from me. We both didn't speak. I patted my clammy face with the damp rag, feeling a little better in the process.

Finally my mom spoke, "What's going on hunny?"

I kept my gaze downward. "Nothing, I…she just had been watching me from behind my bathroom door…I was throwing up and she saw me…I just…I got sick." I quickly added, "But I'm ok now. Her being there just caught me off guard. I…I don't want her seeing me…like this."

"Are you feeling sick?" My mom gently reached across and placed the back of her hand on my forehead feeling for a temperature.

I shook her hand off my face. "I'm not sick. I was just…" I took a deep breath trying to think of what I wanted to say. I couldn't tell my mom what drove me to rush towards the toilet. She can't know that he was here. I can't tell anyone, not for my sake anymore…but now for Rachel's. The thought made me queasy again. I took a deep breath to settle my stomach and looked at the bathroom door to make sure my mother closed it all the way before I continued, "I was just thinking…and I got a…flashback type thing…I….it's dumb. I'm ok. I'm not sick."

My mother reached across again and cupped my cheek in her right hand. "It isn't dumb," She said quietly and reassuringly.

Again, I shook off my mother's touch. "Ok." I responded, staring at a chip in one of the floor tiles. Silence again.

"Rachel was really worried." My mom broke the silence.

I sighed again. "I know, I didn't mean for her to see me…like that. And I didn't mean to yell at her, you have to believe me. I just really don't want her seeing me this way…I'll make sure I close the door next time."

"That wasn't what I was saying Santana." I looked up questioningly at my mother. She continued, "Your sister is starting to pick up on things, sweetie. She's been asking questions."

My eyes found the chipped tile again. "I know…I didn't realize that…I'll try harder."

"Santana, Rachel loves you. She looks up to you, she is just concerned about her big sister-"

"I'm sorry." I said again, quietly cutting her off.

My mother shook her head slowly, "Stop apologizing." She took a deep breath, "What I am trying to say is she isn't going to stop asking questions. You know her. Boo won't stop asking questions until she gets her answers. She is very observant, always has been, she can see something is wrong…and that is ok."

I looked up and met my mother's eyes, "What are you saying?"

"San, sweetie…" She gave me a weak smile before continuing, "Don't you think it would be better if we told her rather than her finding out some other way? We could do it together."

My eyebrows furrowed. She can't be serious. Tell my eight year old sister what happened to me? I can feel my heart beating quicker at the mere thought. I begin to quickly shake my head. "No. I can't…"

"San, you wouldn't be alone-"

I cut off my mom, "No mom. I can't. No." I look at the chip in the tile again and try to take deep breaths. "I can't worry about that too. I don't…I don't want my baby sister looking at me…knowing. I don't want to explain to my eight year old sister what a….r-r-rapist is." I pause. Saying that word out loud takes the breath from my lungs. I focus on inhaling slowly and gently lick my top lip. "She shouldn't know what that is." I finally say quietly.

My mom squatted down in front of my knees grabbing my hands in her own. She ducked her head down breaking my gaze from the chip, forcing me to look her in the eyes. "Santana..."

I begin to shake my head. I pull my hands from hers as I close my eyes. "No mom. I'm scared enough as it is. I'm…I'm scared to close my eyes for the mere minute it takes to wash my face." I open my eyes and look into my mother's again, " I…I literally wash my face in under 20 seconds now because I am terrified that once I rinse the soap from my eyes I'll open them to see his reflection in the mirror standing behind me." Tears are flowing down my cheeks. "And that is just one example of…at least 50." I look down towards my folded hands again. "I don't want to be worried about the fact that my baby sister knows too. I can't…I can't handle that. I can't have that be something else that worries me."

My mom wiped the tears from my cheeks and slowly nodded her head. "Ok Sanny. Ok, we won't tell her…I'll think of something…I'll handle it." She gave me a sad smile then stood up to kiss me on my forehead. "I need to go take your sister to her dance classes."

I looked up at her quickly, "You'll stay there the whole time right?"

My mom furrowed her eyebrows as she wiped a few of her stray tears off her face, "What do you mean?"

I didn't want Rachel to be anywhere unsupervised. There were always a lot of kids at that dance studio running around…it would be so easy for him to snatch Rachel up in that crowded place. She couldn't be alone. Not after he made that threat. But of course I couldn't tell my mom this. "I just mean…are you gonna stay and watch her dance?"

My mom looked at me with confusion for a minute, like she knew there was something she was missing, but then she responded, "I was thinking about it, yes. Is that okay with you? Or would you rather me come back home, are you going to need me?"

I quickly shook my head, "No. I'll be fine…" I look down at the chip again, "I'm going to shower…" I looked back up at her, "So you could stay to watch her dance."

My mom slowly nodded her head, "Okay…" She trailed off and continued to try to read my face. After a beat she finally started heading towards the bathroom door. She stopped and turned to look at me again. I looked up in her direction. "Don't forget to put the ointment on your stomach and wrap it up like I showed you after your shower."

I immediately looked at my hands again. "Yea…yea I will…" My voice was quiet, but I know my mom heard me. I could see out of the corner of my eye that she nodded her head and gently turned and exited my bathroom, closing the door behind her. I put my head in my hands as my elbows rested on my knees. This was all a mess. I took a few deep breaths. "Pull it together." I said to myself. I nodded my head then slowly stood up to brush my teeth. One foot in front of the other.

* * *

"Hey boo, how was dance?" Quinn smiled over at Rachel as she climbed into the backseat of her car.

"What are you doing here?" The young girl threw her dance bag next to her and clicked on her seat belt.

Quinn started driving out of the dance studio's parking lot. "Hey now! That was rude Rach." Quinn looked at Rachel through the rearview mirror.

"Sorry, that's not what I meant. You know I love you. Where is Mama?"

Quinn refocused her eyes on the road as she started to drive to the Lopez's house. "Your mom told me I could pick you up today. She called me and told me she had to leave during your class and swing by the practice for a bit. I realized I haven't picked you up from dance in a while, so I volunteered my chauffeuring abilities." She looked over her shoulder briefly to shoot the younger girl a silly grin.

"Oh ok, well thank you." Rachel replied simply.

"I am always at your service Miss Rachel," Quinn replied in a fake British accent. She loved joking with Rachel. "How was dance?" She asked again.

"It was fine," Rachel said quickly before changing the subject, "What is Santana doing? Why didn't she come too?" The eight year old has always been persistent.

Quinn nervously gripped the steering wheel tighter. "She uh...she is trying to take a nap. She was tired."

"Oh." Rachel was silent. Which was very unusual for the young girl. "I'm sorry about yesterday…" her voice was almost too quiet to hear.

Quinn looked into the rear view mirror at Rachel, her brows were furrowed. It took Quinn one second to know what Rachel was talking about. It was all over her face. Rachel was apologizing for coming to 'talk' with Russell. Quinn darted her eyes forward again, focusing on the road ahead of them. She didn't want to talk about this…not to Rachel, not to anyone. Her home life sucked, yes. But it is what it is. When people knew…if they really knew the extent of it all…then they would feel obligated to come and 'save' her. She shook her head, she didn't need saving. She just needed to stay out of trouble for two more years and try to keep her head above it all. Most of her dad's blow ups are caused by something she had done. They are her fault in one way or another.

Quinn quickly shrugged her shoulders, "It's okay Rachel."

Rachel whispered, "He is scary."

Quinn blinked rapidly to keep the tears falling from her eyes. She should have done more to prevent her dad yelling at Rachel the way he did. Never in a million years did she want her to see him like that. "I'm sorry boo, I really am."

Rachel looked at the back of her head as the blonde continued to drive, "It isn't your fault."

"It is." Quinn said short and to the point. She shook her head, "You have to trust me Rachel. We can't mention this to your mama or Sanny okay? I don't want you to get in trouble for riding your bike so far, and I don't want to get in trouble either." Quinn looked at the small girl through the mirror again, "Deal?"

Rachel slowly nodded her head. The mention of her sister made her deflate. She hasn't been able to talk to her sister for days now, not like she used to. So not telling Sanny about how scary Quinn's dad is would be easy. Santana as mad at her. She had yelled at her and shook her and then yelled at her again this morning. Santana wasn't the same sister she had last week. The thought made Rachel really upset.

Quinn looked into the rear view mirror. Rachel was staring idly out of the side window. Her shoulders were sagged forward, her face seemed sad. She wasn't being her usual bubbly talkative self. Something else was bugging her, but Quinn was too nervous to ask. Rachel has always been very observant and she is so smart for her age; there is no doubt that Rachel would be figuring out that something is off at home, and Quinn didn't want to be the first one Rachel asked.

"Something is wrong with my sister, Quinn." Rachel blurted out. Quinn drew in a quick breath, did she just jinx herself? She didn't want to have this conversation with Rachel but they still had a good ten minute drive until they got home. She was stuck. Rachel continued, "She has been so quiet. She takes all these really long showers now and is always laying down trying to sleep. She barely ever eats, but this morning I caught her throwing up and…and last night she cussed at me...she never does that."

Quinn's eye brows furrowed. Santana is always really careful with her sister; she would never cuss Rachel out. Something wasn't right. "What happened? Why would she do that?" Quinn looked into the mirror again at the young girl in the back seat.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she said quietly as she changed her gaze and stared out the side window again.

An unnatural silence filled the car. Rachel looked so defeated and so sad, it killed Quinn to see her like that. The little girl was usually so talkative and chipper; annoying but cute. Quinn didn't know what to say. Santana had yelled at her after the doctors, but that was only because she kept pushing the issue. The blonde used the silence to try to come up with reasons why Santana would yell and curse at her baby sister. She couldn't come up with anything, it wasn't like her. She needed to talk to San.

Rachel broke the silence, "What is an arrangement?"

Quinn tried to figure out where this random thought had come from, "What do you mean?"

"I was just wondering what it is, is it like a science project thing or something?" Rachel was looking at her through the mirror, waiting for an answer.

Quinn was so confused. She slowly answered, "It's like...a deal that you make with someone, I guess kinda...It's hard to explain out of context...why are you asking?" Quinn met Rachel's eyes.

Rachel looked out the window again quickly. She sighed, "Santana's creepy friend was talking about an arrangement when he came over last night." She was so nonchalant about this statement.

Quinn's eyebrows furrowed again. "Creepy friend? Who was he?" Santana doesn't have any guy friends that she would bring over to the house that Rachel would consider creepy. She thought harder, she didn't have any guy friends that she invited over to her house other than Puck, but he definitely was out of the picture. Wasn't he?

Rachel looked at her and shrugged her shoulders then looked back out her window. She started speaking, "I don't know who he was…she acted so weird. He was nice I guess...he played with my hair and told me I was pretty..." she smiled at Quinn in the rear view mirror. Her smile faded, "But then he talked about some arrangement with Sanny, and when I asked what it was he told me it included me now. Then he left and then that's when Sanny shook me and cussed at me."

Quinn felt the blood drain from her face. She gripped the steering wheel harder and started driving a little faster. Was it possible? Was it him? "Was your mom home?" Quinn was trying her hardest to remain calm, but she could see the white in her knuckles and could feel her breathing quickening. Was the guy that Rachel was describing the same guy who…?

"No. Just me, Sanny and her friend," Rachel answered.

The answer caused Quinn to wince. If it was who she thinks it was then she didn't want to hear him being called "her friend". Quinn shook her head. It couldn't have been _him _could it? Santana would have called her immediately afterwards if it was….right?

Rachel turned and looked at Quinn again from the back seat. "I just don't know why she's being so different. It makes me sad. I was just trying to be nice to her friend last night because I know she hasn't been feeling well…she yelled and cussed at me and… shook me… and made me go to my room." Quinn watched as tears fell down the eight year olds cheeks. "What is going on with my sister Quinny?" She asked again.

Quinn looked at Rachel as the young girl's chin quivered. Quinn refocused on the road, determined to get home even quicker now. She thought hard about what Rachel had just said…it had to have been him. There wasn't anyone else that would have come by that matched that description. No one else would have caused Santana to snap and act that way towards her baby sister. Quinn could feel her heart pounding in her chest and noticed that her palms were sweaty from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. She was angry that Santana hadn't contacted her to tell her what had happened the previous night. She was scared that he had been in their house with both Santana and Rachel alone. She was mortified with the thought of what could have happened to the both of them. She pressed the gas pedal down a little harder. She had to get to Santana and find out the whole story. He had his hands in Rachel's hair? The thought made her want to vomit.

Quinn refocused on Rachel, noticing that she was waiting for a response. The blonde teen cleared her throat and tried to come up with an answer as best as she could, "I...I don't know why she did that Rachie, she has been stressed out…" It was the best response she could think of in this moment. Quinn pulled onto Prescott Street, they were almost there. "I'll talk to her when we get home, don't worry. I know she is sorry for yelling at you," Quinn looked into the mirror to make eye contact with her pseudo little sister. "You know she didn't mean it."

Rachel nodded her head slowly before she went back to looking out of the window silently as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

Seeing Rachel so upset was breaking Quinn's heart. She sped forward cursing the fact that Santana's house was the last house on the caul-de-sac. She _needed _to talk to her best friend immediately.

* * *

**A/N: I have this story completely mapped out in the direction I want it to go in in order to get to the ending that I want. I just want to assure you all that everything has a purpose, and although Santana's thoughts and actions might seem repetitive, they are accurate to a scared and confused sixteen year old girl. She is slowly getting better health wise and hopefully you all are able to see the progress she has already begun to make emotionally. This journey is slow, you can't expect someone to be completely fine and back to their normal selves following a trauma such as this. If you all hang on with me then I will be bringing you full circle. There will be an ending. Don't be discouraged, I just want to make sure that I get this story right…for all of the characters. Thank you.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I heard the front door open then close. I could hear murmuring downstairs as two people made their way up the stairs. I guess my mother and Rachel were back home from dance now. Had I really been lying in my bed staring at the ceiling fan for that long?

Suddenly my bedroom door quickly opens and then immediately closes. I lift my head to see my best friend standing at my closed door. I furrow my eyebrows at her, she looks…mad? I wait for my mom or Rachel to come into the room behind her but no one does.

"Where is Rach?" I ask my friend.

"I sent her to take a shower. I picked her up from dance because your mom had to go into work." She continued to stand at my bedroom door, her voice was flat.

I gave her a weird look, "What's wrong?" I prop myself up onto my elbows, making sure to be careful with my stomach.

"Were you ever gonna tell me?" Quinn snaps harshly.

Now I am really confused. What was she talking about? "What?" I ask her.

Quinn tilts her head at me and puts her hands on her hips as she looks up at the ceiling and sighs loudly, "Seriously? Are we really gonna do this? Seriously?" She shakes her head and then looks directly at me. I'm still frozen on my bed resting on my elbows. "San we tell each other everything. I've told you so much, and you confided in me with this. We are here for each other. Always. And I have to hear about this HUGE thing from your sister?" She was struggling to keep her voice low, to keep from yelling. She was really mad.

From my sister? Now I definitely didn't know what she was talking about. Did Rachel tell her that I yelled at her? Surely Quinn would be upset with me about it…but she wouldn't barge into my room and be this...hostile. I shake my head as I slowly push myself up off my bed into a standing position, "What are you talking about Quinn?"

Quinn walked with big purpose filled strides towards me stopping a foot in front of me. "HE was here last night?!" She said in a harsh whisper.

I had to grab onto my bedframe to keep from falling over. I wasn't expecting this. Rachel told her that he came by the house? I hadn't even thought of the possibility of her telling my mom or Quinn what had happened last night, not to mention why it happened. "W-what?" This really caught me off guard.

Quinn shook her head again in disbelief. My reaction confirmed her suspicions. "Why didn't you tell me?"

It was my turn to shake my head as tears burned in my eyes, "I…it happened last night…" I felt myself getting angry again. I felt like I needed to be defensive. Quinn came barging into my room unexpectedly demanding me to talk about something that….something that was unbearably hard for me to experience. I shook my head to clear it from thinking too much about what had happened. This wasn't fair. I stood up taller, "I haven't seen you until you just came barging into my room just now. You didn't give me the chance to tell you."

Quinn scoffed, "Yea…like you would have told me." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Alright," She says sarcastically. I watch as she suddenly deflates. The angry look in her eyes melts away as sadness and sympathy takes its place. She unfolds her arms and sits down on my bed with a big sigh. I slowly sit myself down next to her. I realized that my lower half still ached when it made contact with the mattress. Quinn spoke again, bringing me out of my thoughts, "What did your mom say?"

As soon as the question left her lips I felt guilty. I immediately looked down at my lap as tears came to my eyes. I didn't answer. She was looking at me waiting for an answer, "San?" Her saying my name one more time sent one lone tear cascading down my cheek and into my lap. Quinn gasped, "San…you haven't told her?" More of my tears fall as I hang my head lower. This makes her shoot up to a standing position in front of my bed. She turns and faces me, "Santana?" She said my name with a strong voice.

I finally looked up at my best friend as the tears rush down my face, "I…I can't."

I watched Quinn take a deep breath and calm down once again. She sat down next to me on my bed again. "San, you have to tell her…we can do it together when she gets home from the office, but you need to tell her that he was in the house. Rachel is concerned and frankly so am I-"

"I can't." I repeated again.

Quinn shook her head, "Santana, he was here. He was in your house. God knows how long he was waiting out front of your house until he came inside." She shook her head, "Rachel rode her bike to my house by herself yesterday after I got home from practice. She rode her bike and then I let her ride home alone." She smacked her palm into her forehead and let out a frustrated groan at herself for her actions.

I was more than confused. Rachel went to Quinn's house yesterday? I was wracking my memory trying to remember when that happened. Nothing was coming up. I looked at my best friend, "What are you talking about?"

Quinn pulled her head back and looked at me with a confused face, "What do you mean 'what am I talking about?' You don't know that your sister went for a bike ride yesterday?"

I frowned. When did this happen? I couldn't think of a time when Rachel went for a bike ride. I wouldn't have let her… I shook my head. "No…" I answered Quinn's question. That is when I realized. I had been asleep before my mom left to pick Rachel up from school until my mother woke me up for dinner. The entire day after Rachel arrived home until before dinner when it was dark outside, I had no clue what had happened. My sister could have gone on a bike ride and I wouldn't have had any idea. I rethought my last thought…my sister did go on a bike ride…and I had no idea. I slept through it all. "I must have been asleep," I concluded to Quinn who nodded in response. I focused on the blonde again, "What…what happened? She went to your house?"

I watched Quinn's face fall. She wasn't expecting the conversation to take this turn, it was obvious. She quickly tried to put her face back together before clearing her throat, "Yea...she came over, but she was only there for like 10 minutes… tops." Quinn waved her hand trying to literally brush off the conversation.

I could tell something wasn't being said, "But why?" Rachel wasn't allowed to ride her bike to Quinn's house. She wasn't supposed to ride her bike past the big red house at the front of our street. Rachel was one who followed rules to a T so for her to break one…it had to be for something important.

Quinn could tell I wasn't going to drop this. I watched her sigh heavily. She looked down at her hands, "She...she came to tell my dad that he was mean...and a bully."

This was not what I was expecting. My eyes bulged, "she WHAT?"

Quinn shrugged her shoulders as she continued to look down at her hands, "Yea. If I said he was mad…it would be an incredible understatement." She paused then picked herself back up and begun to blink rapidly to keep her tears at bay, "but anyway-"

I cut off my best friend before she could continue, "Are you okay?"

Quinn shot me a quick look and shook her head, "Yea I'm fine."

Before Quinn could change the subject I cut her off again. She was lying. I could tell. "What did he do to you?"

Quinn jerked her head backwards at my blunt question as her upper lip curled, "Nothing...jeez." She shook her head angrily. "I just got a spanking. I'm fine. Stop changing the subject." Her voice was strong again, "My point was that you need to tell your mom that he was here last night. She has to know. What if you are sleeping or in the shower when Rachel asks to play outside alone again? He was here! He was probably out front watching!"

I threw my hands up in frustration, "You think I don't know that!? Seriously!?"

Quinn shook her head, "I don't think you do. Santana, she could have rode by him on her freaking pink little bike last night! We wouldn't have even known...we won't ever know!"

Quinn was making me angry. Me deciding not to tell my mom wasn't something I decided on lightly. I literally don't have an option. My breathing increased, "I KNOW!" My voice was loud. "I can't! I can't tell my mom."

"But what if she tries to go outside alone again? What if-"

I cut Quinn off, "She won't. I won't let her." I wanted this conversation to be done.

Quinn gave a sarcastic short laugh as she threw her hand up, "You can't watch her at all times, Santana."

I shrugged my shoulders and sat up taller, "I'll need to…. I'll try to only shower when she showers or is at dance or something...and I'll sleep when she sleeps." I shook my head and looked back down at my nail beds, "I'll figure it out." I concluded.

Quinn scoffed, "Right. Well while you are at it why don't you tie bells to all her socks so you can hear where she is at all times too?"

I glared at my friend's sarcastic tone, "Maybe I will."

Quinn looked me directly in the eyes, "You are impossible! You can't do this alone. You don't have to."

I shook my head. "I can and I do. I am." The room was silent for a minute. The tension had grown so high we both hadn't realized it. I took a breath to slow down my heart rate, "He said he would hurt Rachel." My voice sounds catatonic.

"What?" She gasps from my sudden statement.

"Last night...he said if I tell anyone… he would hurt Rachel." I clarified as I wiped at my tears.

Quinn looked at me with her mouth open in shock. She paused, "Santana…this is bad. This…" She trailed off and shook her head. "You need to tell your mom...this is about Rachel now too, San. Before it was you, which is absolutely horrible enough," She clarified before continuing, "But now it's two of the most important people in my life?" She shook her head again, "This is bad San-"

I suddenly stood up. My stomach practically screamed in protest, I muffled a hiss before I continued with what I was going to say, "I KNOW!" My voice boomed over the quiet room. I stood in front of Quinn and looked directly at her, "I know. You know what else I know?" My voice wasn't angry anymore…it was tired. I was tired and drained, "How much it hurt when he was on top of me. I know how much pain I am STILL in because of him." I looked down at the carpet, "When I saw him last night it literally took the wind from my lungs. I was paralyzed."

Quinn hung her head, "I'm sorry."

I shook my head at her and then looked her in the eyes again, "I don't need you to be sorry…I just…there is no way he can ever get that close to Rachel again. He won't just hurt her, Quinn... he will..." I trailed off as my mind suddenly got trapped in my past: the night in the woods.

My long paused caused my friend to reach out and gently clasp my hand. I cleared my voice and looked down at our hands, "He will…" I couldn't finish the sentence. I watch Quinn deflate slowly. I look behind my best friend to avoid her eyes as I continue talking. I could feel my eyes glaze over, "I feel him all the time...I smell him all the time. Every time I turn I think I see him standing there with his awful smile..." I shake my head and refocus on my best friend, "I'm sixteen and I can't breathe. If she is...if he…" I trail off.

Quinn sits up taller and looks at me with a small fire in her eyes. "Exactly, Santana. You are proving my point. We are sixteen years old; we shouldn't be harboring these huge secrets and trying to figure out how to continue hiding them from adults!"

I looked at her, "I don't have a choice." I said slowly with purpose in every word.

"You DO! That is what I'm trying to tell you San-"

I shake my head and rip my hand from her's. "He took away my option for choosing last Tuesday night." I look deeply into Quinn's eyes, "She is eight." I change the focus of the conversation back to what I was saying, "She just turned eight years old. She only knows what sex is because of the birds and the bees song they taught them last year in school," I paused. My eyebrows furrow at the thought, "which ended up making her really want to be a bee keeper when she 'grows up'...so clearly she missed the point of the lesson and the song."

Rachel had come home from school so excited with a 'wonderful family plan' that she thought of during school. She had said that this educational song about bees had shown her what she needs to do in order to be happy with her life: become a bee keeper. She wanted to be a bee keeper on a bee farm with me, my mom and even included Quinn. 'We would never have to buy honey again! We could make so much money!' She had said. Thankfully this phase was short lived. She was stung by a bee on the playground and quickly changed her tune. 'It is far too dangerous' she had concluded.

Both Quinn and I were smiling from being sent back to the memory of Rachel's extravagant family bee keeping plan. Our smiles didn't last long as we were both thrust forward to the present. Rachel was so young and incredibly innocent. "I don't want her to feel him on top of her... in her..." I instantly squeeze my eyes shut at the thought. I licked my upper lip slowly, "It won't happen Quinn. It can't. I've weighed my risks and me telling my mom about this is the bigger risk. One I don't want to take. She'll go to the cops…hell find out. He'll come back for me AND Rachel. Like you said, this isn't just about me now… it's about my baby sister. I can't be responsible for putting her in danger by telling the cops. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"Santana, listen to yourself! Don't you see how twisted this is? The cops would be able to-"

I put my hand up silencing my friend as I continue, "I'll live with the fact that he's out there…watching me…but h-he said he would only come back if I talked to anyone."

Quinn broke her silence, "And you think he'll just keep his word?" Her tone was sarcastic, "We've seen what an outstanding citizen he is...so, sure lets believe him and take his word for it."

I shrugged my shoulders disregarding my best friend's attitude again. "It's the only thing I can do. I'm not taking the risk. I'm not talking. No cops and no telling my mom. This is my decision. Please let me make this decision Q."

I watch my friend hold her breath as we look into each other's eyes. I continued to hold my gaze; I wasn't backing down from this one. I watched as defeat slowly filled my friend's eyes. She broke the gaze first and looked down at the floor. She was silent. I continued to stare at her. I could tell she was thinking about everything I said. She thought telling an adult would be better, but now I could see in her eyes that she is considering that I might be right, even though it kills her. I know she is trying to do what's best for me, but what is best for me is keeping Rachel safe.

"Fine." Quinn finally replied quietly.

I nodded my head accepting her promise not to tell my mom. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I walked over to my bed again and sat right next to my best friend. She grabbed my hand in hers as I laid my head down on her shoulder. We sat in silence for a while. We heard my sister's shower stop running and heard the familiar noises of her playing in her room down the hall.

Quinn finally broke the silence again, "Your mom seemed like she didn't want you and Rachel to be alone together…that is why she asked me to get Rach from dance then come over. Did something happen between you two?"

I pick up my head from my friend's shoulder and look over at her, pulling my hand from hers. I felt like he punched me in the stomach again. "She said that?" My voice cracks as I manage to get the three words out.

Quinn looks at me with complete confusion on her face. Once she sees the tears in my eyes she immediately is overtaken with regret. She didn't know that she was bringing up something that would upset me. She had no clue what happened this morning or last night. That was where this whole fight had started when she barged into my room half an hour ago.

"Well…not in so few words…" She trailed off. "But… That is the impression I got." She looked me in the eyes and must have seen my hurt. "Maybe I'm wrong though," She added quickly.

I hung my head. My mom didn't fully trust me alone with Rachel. Rachel had said something comparing me with Ryan earlier and was shaking and crying…and my mom thought I had laid a hand on her. Didn't she know I am not capable of ever hitting her? Or does she know more than I do and can see that maybe I am… I shake my head, "No… you are probably right…"

I spent the next hour explaining the previous night's events and then informing her about the chaos that took place this morning starting with me throwing up. We talked about how Rachel cried herself to sleep last night because of my actions and then ran to my mom crying and shaking because of them again this morning. We talked about Ryan…and remembered everything we felt walking into the house and coming across what happened three years ago. Quinn spent a good amount of time trying to convince me that Ryan and I have nothing in common. She promised me that I wasn't turning into him, and even though I don't completely believe it…it is nice to hear someone have that much confidence in me when I don't have any in myself anymore.

Once our conversation died down I decided that I wanted to take another shower. Talking and thinking about him made me feel dirty. It always does. I needed the hot water to take away the tingling my skin continued to feel from him days after he'd long touched it. I stood in my bathroom now, leaning on my counter again as I stare down at the sink; lost in my own thoughts.

Honestly, I needed time to myself too. I love my best friend, she is practically another sister, but I didn't want to give her the opportunity again to bring up the fact that I should tell my mom that he had come to the house. I didn't tell my mom that he took my license for a reason. The reason? He told me not to tell anyone. The fact that my best friend and mom knew about what happened was more than too much. Quinn had a good point, even though I don't want to really accept it. I don't know him. My eyes water again. I don't know him and he stole my virginity. A tear fell down my cheek. He is a…monster. Who says that he won't show up again just because he gets bored? He could come back at any time…but I couldn't think about that. I didn't have an option. I had to take what he said and expect that he'll abide by it if I abide by it. It was my only option. Talking to the cops was far too dangerous…because they don't know how to find him…but he sure knows how to find me. He seems like one to follow through on his threats. I shake my head. I need to shower. I need to shower. I shake my head and slowly make my way over to my shower. I reach inside and turn the water all the way to hot as I prepare to enter. The bruises on my wrists have begun to fade. My body is healing, but inside I feel as raw and exposed as I was that night in the dirt.

* * *

After my shower I found my room empty. I walked down the stairs and headed towards the living room. I had a towel wrapped around my shoulders keeping my soaking wet hair from wetting my baggy t-shirt. I could hear the TV on in the other room and as I neared I could tell _Ancient Aliens_ was the show playing. A small smile pulled on my mouth as a breath of relief released from my lungs. Quinn was the one in the living room. I could handle Quinn. My mom or Rachel would have been harder, a lot harder.

I silently came in and sat down next to my best friend on the couch. Her eyes were glued to the TV. Quinn finally turned her head to face me, "This episode is awesome. It takes place in Egypt."

I looked at the TV as the picture panned over some hieroglyphics from ancient Egypt. "Uh huh..." I nodded then looked back at my friend.

She looked away at the TV again as she pointed excitedly at it, "Look! They have pictures of helicopters, hovercrafts, submarines and airplanes in their hieroglyphics! Those are all things that weren't invented until hundreds of years later. I mean, hello! Aliens were totally there. We have to go there one day." She smiled at me.

I couldn't help but smile back at my friend. She has always loved the idea of aliens and life on other planets. I shook my head at her, "Maybe for graduation we can convince my mom to take us to Egypt." My smile slowly faded as the commercials went on. My friend continued to look at me with nothing but love in her eyes. I cherished my friendship with Quinn. We had just had a full blown fight an hour ago, and here we were talking about traveling abroad. Somehow my smile couldn't remain. The feelings of dread, disappointment, sadness, anger at myself, disgust and stress enveloped me once again.

Quinn could see my mood shift. She could always read my face and somehow always knew what I was thinking. She changed the subject to keep my mind from going back to what it always seemed to go back to: that night. "Your portable house phone is missing from your room. I'm thinking Rachel snatched it. She is in her room with the door closed still. Do you think she called whats-her-name?"

"Chelsey," I clarified for Quinn. Chelsey was Rachel's closest friend, and the only one she ever talked to on the phone. I shook my head, "She isn't allowed to talk on the phone in her room. Getting a phone in your room is a 13 year old privilege."

Quinn nodded her head, "Yea I know. I remember your 13th birthday clearly." Quinn smiled at the memory of how excited we had both been for the new addition to my bedroom.

"Mom has told Rachel that over and over again." I said back to Quinn. My sister knew the rules, and she never has had a problem in the past using the corded phone in the kitchen. I frowned as I thought about what she could be trying to hide.

Quinn raised her eyebrows at me, breaking my internal thoughts, "So….should we go see what is so confidential that she can't use the landline phone in the kitchen?"

We both instantly lifted off of the couch and walked towards the phone that was mounted to the wall in the kitchen. I paused for a second with my hand hovering over the receiver. I looked at Quinn and she gave me an encouraging nod. I bit my lip and quickly picked up the phone, holding it off of my left ear. Quinn instantly leaned her head into the other side of the phone so we both could hear what Rachel was saying. Her voice came through the phone loud and clear.

"_I'm just having a bad weekend. Sanny is mad at me…and now Quinn is mad at me. It just-"_

Rachel paused. Quinn and I looked at each other as I continued to hold the phone between our heads.

"_Hello?"_ Rachel's voice asked after the beat of silence.

"_Hi?"_ Rachel's friend Chelsey replied back.

"_No not you Chelsey…hold on."_ Rachel paused again, _"Hello? …Santana?"_

I covered the mouth piece with my free hand and shot Quinn a worried look. Had I been breathing heavily into the phone? Quinn shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as if to tell me that she didn't know how Rachel knew.

"_Chelsey, I have to go. I think someone is on the other phone."_ Rachel said quickly.

"_Okay, talk to you tomorrow."_ Chelsey responded before a click was heard and the dial tone rang through the phone again.

I quickly but quietly hung the phone back up on the wall, and pulled my hand away from it like it was on fire. I continued to stare at it for a second and so did Quinn. We were both silent waiting for Rachel to call down to us. Waiting for Rachel to storm down the stairs and lecture us on the importance of privacy. It didn't happen. Rachel remained in her room. No movement could be heard up stairs. I chewed on my lip nervously and looked over at Quinn. She had the same look on her face that I felt I had on mine. Guilt with a side of hurt. Rachel's words rang through my head again.

"Why does she think you are mad at her?" I whisper to Quinn as we continue to face the hung up phone.

Quinn shrugged her shoulders before hanging her head. I looked over at her and noticed that she was twirling her hair. Quinn's nervous habit was hair twirling. Quinn took a breath, "Probably from when she came to my house yesterday and yelled at my dad." She turned away from the wall to face me, "He…he started to yell…it scared her, but I told her today on the way home from dance not to worry about it. I told her I wasn't mad or anything." Quinn's face looked sad. She didn't want Rachel to think that she was mad at her, it was clear.

She was probably feeling about the same way I was in this moment. It killed me to know that my baby sister thought that I was mad at her, but after my recent behavior how could she not? I shrugged my shoulders, my voice was still low and quiet, "She thinks I'm mad at her because I've been avoiding her and ignoring her for days…and then I yelled at her…" I trail off as my eyes start to water. "I just…I don't know how to be around her anymore," I confess to my person.

Quinn nods her head and grabs my hand giving it a tight squeeze. I manage to suck the tears back into my eyes before they fall. "Maybe we should go talk to her?" Quinn asks as she gives me a small sad smile.

I begin to chew on my lip again. I've been avoiding talking to Rachel. I haven't wanted to talk to her because I haven't known what to talk to her about. How am I supposed to explain to her that I am not mad at her when I know she is immediately going to ask me to explain my behavior? She is going to want a reason for me being so different…and I can't tell her. I don't have an excuse that is eight year old appropriate that fits for all of my sudden changes. However, I know that Quinn is right. It isn't fair to keep her thinking that we are mad at her. Even though it might be easier this way…us knowing for a fact that the eight year old we love thinks that we are mad at her isn't fair in the least. I have to say something…anything. I finally nod my head, "Okay…yea."

Quinn nods her head in response and grabs my hand tighter as she turns and leads me towards the stairs for Rachel's bedroom.

* * *

We stood outside Rachel's clutter filled door. I looked at Quinn hesitantly. Somehow what little courage I had mustered up downstairs had vanished by the time I completed the short walk up the stairs and to Rachel's room. My mind was running a mile a minute. What was I going to say to her? Tears stung my eyes. I've never felt this clueless when it came to my baby sister. I've always known what do say and do, and now I am standing in front of her door paralyzed with the unknown.

"Breathe San, you are okay," Quinn's soft voice whispered into my ear. She had seen my unshed tears.

I looked over at her and wiped at my eyes and took a deep breath like she had coached. I nodded my head and then refocused my attention on Rachel's door knob. We both stared at it for a while.

"When is she going to take some of this stuff off her door? I mean...she has the wooden 'R', the pointe shoes, her drawing of the penguin, all these ridiculous bows...it's a mess." She laughed at herself. Her voice lowered, "I'm surprised her room is always immaculate, with a door this…cluttered." She looked over at me and her smile fell. She straightened her back and nodded her head at me. Refocusing on the task at hand.

I looked at the door knob again. This was it. I reached my hand out and took a step forward expecting to open the door. Only, I couldn't move because the door was locked. I tried twisting the knob again. Nothing happened. I looked back up at Quinn with a tilt of my head.

Quinn's confusion mirrored mine as she looked back at the door and knocked on it gently, "Rach?"

No answer.

I cleared my throat and knocked, but this time louder. "Rachel?" I called through the door. No answer again. I jiggled the door knob again, hoping to somehow unlock it but of course it didn't work. "Rachel your door isn't supposed to be locked." I said through the door. My mom didn't allow us to lock our bedroom doors. This was a known rule and wasn't new.

"Go away." Rachel yelled from inside her room.

I instantly deflate at my sister's voice. She thinks I'm mad at her. She locked us out of her room, and now she doesn't even want to talk to us. I've really messed everything up. Everything is my fault. I shook my head; I am so disappointed in myself. I take my hand off the door knob and hang my head.

Quinn stepped forward at the sight of my defeat, "Rach?" She said lightly. She set her ear against the door, "Me and San just want to come talk to you for a little…will you let us in?" Her voice was so kind.

"No." Rachel's voice was short, curt and strong.

I reached out and rested my hand on the door, "Boo?"

"I said GO AWAY! Leave me alone!" Rachel's voice yelled out even more angrily then it was previously. A thud on the door made it shake causing me to flinch away from the door and withdraw my hand quickly. I cursed at myself. I hate unexpected noises now. I had to coach myself to breathe once I realized my last breath had frozen in my chest. Rachel had just thrown a stuffed animal or something at the door. That is all it was.

"Girls? What is going on?" My mother's voice suddenly was behind me. I hung my head and focused on the carpet underneath my feet. Quinn and I were both so stuck in shock by Rachel's angry voice and temper tantrum that we hadn't even heard my mother come home. We didn't know that she had walked up the stairs and was now standing behind us.

"Nothing…" I said dejectedly. I didn't want my mom to know that Rachel had locked herself in her room in order to not have to talk to me. I didn't want her to know that I had shaken her or yelled and cussed in her face. I didn't want her to know the severity of my yelling from this morning. All of these things I didn't want my mom to know: I didn't want her to know because that would require an explanation as to why I snapped. I couldn't tell my mom that he was here. But I also didn't want to tell my mom all of this because that would mean I would be admitting out loud that I had behaved that way…it made it more real. My mom already doubted me being alone with my sister; I didn't want to give her more of a reason to be worried, even though maybe she should be.

Quinn finally spoke, "We were just going to talk to Rachel but…she doesn't want to talk."

I continued to look down at the carpet, but the silence that filled the hall told me that my mom was staring at me, waiting for me to speak or do something. She was watching me waiting for my next move. I didn't have a next move. I'm stuck. Just like I am with every other aspect of my life now.

My mom grabbed my hand gently and looked at Quinn, "Well…let's just give her a little space for now." She looked back over at me as she stroked the back of my hand with her thumb gently, "I brought home chicken, mash potatoes and macaroni…for a late lunch…or early dinner."

"What time is it?" Quinn asked suddenly.

I looked up at my mom as she looked at her watch, "It is almost 3:30p.m."

"Shit- I mean…crap." Quinn corrected her language. I looked over at her and saw that she was looking apologetically over at my mother. My mom was always telling us to watch our language. Quinn continued, "I uh...I have to go. My dad wanted to leave the house for 'family dinner' at 4…so I should head back over there." Quinn had started rocking nervously back and forth on her feet.

I furrowed my eyebrows. Quinn was anxious and nervous. "Are you ok?" I almost had forgotten that she said she got in a lot of trouble for Rachel going to her house yesterday after school. She was 'punished' for it…a spanking from her father. I chewed my lip as I looked at my best friend. It makes me so mad that he still spanks her.

Quinn shot me a silent pleading look before shooting her eyes over at my mother.

I looked at my mom who was looking back and forth between the two of us. She could tell something was off. I changed my focus back to Quinn and raised my eyebrows waiting for an answer to my question. Was she okay?

"Yea. I'm fine?" She answered with a question, "Why wouldn't I be?" She was looking at my mom again…probably trying to read her face to see if she believed her. I sighed, before I could respond Quinn spoke again, "I'll call you later, I really have to go." She smiled at me and pulled me into a big hug. As she pulled away from the hug she kissed my cheek, "Love you."

I sighed again, "Love you more."

I watched Quinn rush past me to my mom. She hugs my mom tightly around her shoulders, "Love you Mama Lopez."

My mom kissed the top of her head as she pulled away from the hug, "Love you too sweetie. Thanks for picking up Rach for me."

"Welcome! Bye!" Me and my mom watched as Quinn rushed down the stairs and grabbed her keys from the key dish and dashed out of the front door. Leaving me and my mother standing alone outside of Rachel's closed and locked bedroom door.

My mom turned from the direction Quinn had just fled from and looked over at me with an arch in her brow. She was asking me silently what that was all about.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Her dad doesn't like it when she keeps him waiting. He is very punctual I guess. I don't know." I was getting tired lying for Quinn to my mom. Quinn confided in me and told me what really happened most of the times at home, but she would tell my mom a 'less scary version'. She was embarrassed by the things he said, and even more embarrassed with the fact that he spanks her. Even though none of it is her fault, she doesn't see it that way. The only way to keep Quinn talking to me was to not tell my mom everything that she confides in me. It sucked, but…her telling me the truth was more important, because if there is ever a time that something big happens, I need her to feel comfortable enough to tell me, so that I can be there to get her help.

I paused for a second. I guess that is what Quinn did for me by telling my mom…although the situations are as different as night and day…. I trailed off and refocused on my mom before my mind could start falling down the slide into the endless pit of memories from that night. Those nights, I corrected myself. He's ruined two nights now. Once in the woods, the other by coming to my kitchen and threatening my baby sister. I shook my head and looked up at my mom, she was staring at me.

"You alright?" She asked with a worried look on her face.

"Y-yea…" I cleared my throat, "Yes." I said more firmly.

My mom nodded her head as she continued to watch me. Finally she spoke, "Head down stairs and fix yourself a plate for dinner. The food is on the island and there is some fresh tea in the fridge."

I nodded my head at my mother and pulled my hand from her grasp. As I begun to walk towards the stairs I could hear my mom sigh and step up closer towards Rachel's bedroom door. Knots formed in my stomach. What if Rachel told my mom about him visiting last night? I paused on the steps and forced myself to breathe. I had to focus on the moment. I couldn't worry myself over the what ifs…I already have too many of those floating around in my head as it is. Kitchen. Food. Tea. Those three things were my immediate goal.

"Focus." I told myself as I continued to walk towards the kitchen. "One foot in front of the other," I mumbled out loud to myself in attempt of motivation. Kitchen. Food. Tea. Kitchen. Food. Tea….

* * *

Shelby knocked gently on Rachel's door once her eldest daughter was out of sight.

"I already told you to leave me alone." Rachel's voice sounded through the door.

Shelby frowned at her youngest daughter's voice. "Rachel?" Scrambling could be heard on the other side of the door. Shelby tried to open the door and noticed the door was indeed locked. She frowned and shook her head, "Rachel it is Mommy. Open this door please."

As soon as the mother finished the sentence the door quickly unlocked from the other side and opened slowly, revealing a wide eyed Rachel. Shelby shook her head at the young girl; Rachel knew she was in trouble for locking the door. She had the 'deer in headlights' look on her face.

"Hi," Rachel said quietly with the door still cracked.

Shelby looked through the crack at her daughter, "May I come in please?"

Rachel nodded shyly and then took a step back, releasing her door. She quickly ran and jumped on her bed, pulling her Teddy onto her lap and begun playing with his ears as Shelby opened the door and stepped into the room.

Shelby walked forward and sat next to her youngest daughter on her bed. Rachel was concentrated on her Teddy's ears as if they were talking to her. Shelby sighed, "Locking doors isn't allowed boo, you know this." When Rachel didn't even acknowledge her statement, Shelby reached across and pulled Teddy from the young girl's hands. "What is going on?"

Rachel looked at her Teddy as it now sat in her mother's lap. She sighed and then looked up at her mom. She knew she was in trouble; she was caught breaking a rule. She felt guilty….she never broke rules, not usually. Rachel shrugged her shoulders as she looked up and met her mom's eyes, "I didn't want to talk to them and they didn't want to talk to me… so I figured it didn't matter."

Shelby sighed heavily. "Well, sweetheart, you figured wrong. A rule is a rule. No locking doors." She watched as Rachel nodded her head. Shelby cocked her head to the side as she looked at her baby, "Why don't you want to talk to them? They seemed like they were trying to talk to you?"

Rachel just shrugged as her chin quivered.

Shelby set the stuffed animal on her other side and then pulled her daughter closer to her, wrapping her arm over her shoulders. She thought for a moment silently as she tried to collect the right words to say in her head. "Your sister isn't upset with you, but...I think she may be upset about something." Shelby felt bad; she knows for a fact that something was wrong with Santana. Her sixteen year olds inner turmoil was understandable...but not to an innocent eight year old who had no idea what was going on. Shelby continued, "You know how sometimes it takes you a while to process your feelings? To articulate them?"

Shelby watched as Rachel tried to understand what she had just said. Rachel thought long and hard, "I don't do that. I'm good at saying my feelings. San is the one who spends forever 'processing'."

Shelby sighed and leaned her forehead against Rachel's head, "Well then boo, be patient. She may come to you soon but locking her out won't help that. It is okay to be upset and feel your feelings, but it is not okay to break rules."

Rachel slumped her shoulders even more, "I just...I feel lonely now. It's like I don't have a sister anymore." She said honestly as she looked up towards her mother, "I just want it to be like how it was..."

Shelby couldn't stop the tears that instantly filled her eyes. She had to look away from Rachel so she could wipe them before they fell. Shelby wanted that more than anything in the world. She wanted none of this to have happened. If there was anything she could do, any price she could pay to take that night back from Santana, then she would do it and pay it. But unfortunately that is life. There are no redo's. They needed to move forward she reminded herself.

She looked back at Rachel with a big smile, "Well, maybe tomorrow you can go to Chelsey's house and hang out with her? Or something? Get out of the house for a bit." She rubbed Rachel's arm, "How does that sound?"

"Good," Rachel mummbled quietly.

Shelby smiled then tickled Rachel's neck lightly with her fingers, trying to get the young girl to smile. "It sounds good? Well good! Let's do it!" She tickled Rachel harder, finally getting the young girl to squeal in laughter. Shelby smiled at her daughter then pulled her into a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too mama." Rachel replied with the smile still on her face.

"Let's go downstairs, I brought home dinner. Chicken and macaroni, one of your favorites." Shelby stood from the bed.

She noticed her daughter's smile slowly fade. Shelby extended her hand out for Rachel to grasp and pulled her to her feet. "You are going to be alright kid." She said with a smile as she smoothed out Rachel's hair and led her out of her bedroom. They were all going to be alright. They had to be.

* * *

Dinner was silent. My mom talked Rachel out of her room long enough to come downstairs and eat at the kitchen island. I pushed my food around on my plate to try to make it seem like I was eating. I couldn't bring myself to have much of an appetite. As soon as Rachel was done eating the last bit of mashed potatoes that was left on her plate, she put her plate in the sink and joined my mom on the couch in the family room.

We both had been sitting at the kitchen island together eating our dinners, but no words were exchanged. I didn't know what to say, and Rachel seemed to be mad and sad at the same time. I couldn't blame her. I wanted to say sorry for how I treated her, but I didn't know how. I knew that if I apologized then it would open the flood gates and there would be numerous questions asked; questions about the visitor the previous night that started this whole thing. I couldn't risk it. Not only did I obviously not want to answer questions about him…I couldn't risk my mom overhearing the questions. She can't know he was here. So instead of apologizing, I just sat and pushed the food around on my plate until my sister left the kitchen.

I could hear the TV on in the next room, and knew that my sister and mom were watching Jeopardy. It was something they tried to do on a regular basis. I used to sit and make fun of the contestants on the show as my sister would absorb all answers to the questions, gaining crazy amounts of random knowledge. My mother loved it.

I sighed and stood up slowly from my stool. I pushed the remainder of my food down the garbage disposal and rinsed my plate before putting it in the dishwasher. I leaned against the sink for a minute trying to think of what I felt like doing. Nothing. I felt like doing nothing. I couldn't go sit on the couch and watch Jeopardy with my family because it would only highlight how different I am now. I slowly pushed away from the kitchen sink and walked to the entrance of the living room. I leaned on the door frame and looked in. My mother had her hand wrapped around my sister as she sat with her legs crossed. My sister was snuggled into my mother's side.

"_Fittingly, this country was the site of the first modern Olympics in 1896." _Trebek's voice rang from the TV.

"What is Greece!" Rachel answered over enthusiastically, sitting up from my mom's side.

"Good job, boo," My mom smiled at her when her answer was confirmed to be correct. She kissed the top of Rachel's head as my sister leaned back into my mom's side. My mom turned her head and saw me watching from the entry. She smiled at me, "Hey San, want to come sit down?"

I watched my mom's smile slowly fade as I continued to stand against the door frame. I know I look tired. I know that I look dejected. I watch as Rachel looks over at me quickly before she snuggled down further into my mom's side and focuses on the TV again. I finally shook my head, "No…" My voice was really quiet. I cleared my throat then tried again as I nervously played with my hands, "No…I think…I'm just going to go get ready for bed and go to sleep…"

My mom looked at the clock and then looked back at me with raised eyebrows, "Are you sure?"

I nodded my head.

My mom sighed, "Okay…well I will be up shortly to check on you and tuck you in."

I nodded my head again and started to turn around and walk out of the room towards the stairs.

I heard my mom's voice echo down the hallway, "Night baby, We love you!"

I paused my walking for a minute. I nodded my head and took a breath, "Love you too." I managed to croak out as I brushed a few tears off my cheeks.

* * *

I have been lying in my bed for nearly an hour now. My mind was too full to drift off to sleep. Watching my fan spin around and around has become a habit since Tuesday night. I roll my eyes. This is ridiculous. Will I ever be able to sleep soundly again? I continue to stare up at the fan as I aimlessly pick at my split ends. My mind drifts off to the 'what if's' again. What if I fought back harder. What if I made Puck or Quinn come out with me to drop off my purse? What if I just put my purse underneath the kitchen sink? A couple stolen bucs and a stolen debit card would have been much easier to deal with then this….

My mom knocked lightly on the door. I didn't even bother looking over at her as she walked in quietly and sat down on the edge of my bed. The light from my bathroom lit up half of my room, so I could see my mom's face clearly out of the corner of my eye. She was chewing her bottom lip as she stared at me, starring at the fan.

We were like this for a while: me lying underneath my blankets picking at my hair, staring at the fan and my mom sitting on the edge of my bed, watching me. Neither of us said anything. Silence enveloped the room. I could barely hear the TV playing downstairs, but it let me know that my sister was still down there, which eased my mind. Rachel was big on saving energy. If she left the room to go get a glass of water she would turn the TV off to save the energy. If I was my old self I would smile at the thought of how funny and peculiar my little sister is….but I'm a new person now. Smiling is hard to do now and rarely ever happens naturally.

My mom finally broke the silence, "I wish there was something I could do to help you, Santana…I wish you would talk to me."

I finally peeled my eyes from the fan and looked at my mother. Her face looked so sad. She gently tucked a piece of hair behind my ear; I closed my eyes at the movement. I could feel my eyes beginning to water, but I willed them to absorb the tears. I opened my eyes and looked at my mom, "I don't know what you want me to say mom…."

My mom licked her top lip and took a deep breath at my response. She gently took my hands that were still pulling at my hair ends and brought them away from yanking at my hair. She cupped both of my hands in hers. "Just something…anything. Keeping this in isn't good baby."

I felt my mom's thumb gently stroking the back of my hand. I looked down at our hands. "I just…I'm just so tired…all of the time." My voice was barely above a whisper.

My mom gave my hands a reassuring squeeze, "That is okay Santana. You are allowed to be tired. This…this is tiring physically, mentally and emotionally. It is understandable to feel tired, but I also need you to feel supported. I need you to feel loved. I need you to know that you will be okay." My mom used one of her hands to gently lift my chin to force my eyes back to hers. "This isn't going to be easy. I know that…I just want you to know that you can come and talk to me anytime about anything you are feeling." She nodded her head, "I never thought in a million years that this would happen to you Santana, and I know that you didn't know that it was going to happen, no one could know this sort of thing was coming. Life throws us curveballs and we never can know why, we just have to know that we need to keep moving." She took a deep breath, "You were raped, nothing about this is easy-"

I shook off my mom's hand and scoffed at her last comment, cutting her off. The word seemed to ring off my walls. My mom was sitting on my bed telling me that it's fine to feel tired and that she knew that this wasn't easy. She didn't have a clue how complicated this was…. I shook my head again as I frowned. That was the point my mom was making….she wants me to talk to her. She wants to know what is going on in my head.

"What?" She asks as she stares at my face. I almost forgot that my scoff cut her off mid-speech.

I couldn't look at my mom. I felt like I was in this constant state of fighting with myself. What happened that night…it was so complicated, only it wasn't. My thoughts weren't even making sense, "Rape…" I mumbled quietly without realizing I had spoken. After the word left my lips I looked up at my mom with raised eyebrows.

She tilted her head as she looked at me, "I know…I understand that it is a hard word….it's hard to say…it's hard to understand." She nodded her head again.

Before I could stop the words they tumbled out of my mouth like verbal vomit, "In my head it's what happened…but to my body….it wasn't." I licked my lips before I slowly let my eyes reach my mother's gaze. She was looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.

I watched as my mom's face slowly turned from confused to realization. Her face softened. She stroked my cheek before she brought her hands to her lap. I couldn't read my mom's face. Was this the type of talk she thought she was going to get into before coming into my room to check on me? It surely wasn't on my agenda. I didn't want to talk about any of this…especially not the biggest thing that I hated about it all….but somehow, laying in my silent dim room with my mother it had come out. Yesterday when she had talked about how sex was 'going to feel good with the right person', I had run to the kitchen sink and thrown up. My mom had to have an idea why, but of course we hadn't talked any more about it, because I wouldn't allow us to. I don't know what changed from yesterday afternoon to this moment I am in now…but for some reason I felt like I had to tell my mom. I had to let her know how messed up I truly am. I had to tell her the worst part…because one of two things could happen. She could drop the subject and be appalled by how disgusting I am…or she could have some advice as to what to do next. Either ending would be welcoming to me at this point.

"San?" My mom brought me out of my thoughts.

I looked back at her eyes. Words tumbled out of my mouth again, "That night…when…when it was happening…." My mom nodded in understanding so I continued, "I kept saying 'no'...but my body kept saying 'yes'. I…I yelled for him to stop…but my body…It practically screamed yes at him..."

My mom reached over and grabbed my hand tightly in her own again. Tears were brimmed in her eyes.

I looked down at our hands, there was no way I could look her in the eyes and say what I was about to say, "Then…after we were...finished... he smiled this awful smile...and he told me that he knew...that he knew I would like it." I felt tears falling down my face as I confessed the darkest thing about that night to my mother. "I just don't know how to not feel guilty and ashamed, Mom..."

I looked up at my mom again finally. Her chin was quivering and a few stray tears had run down her cheeks. I licked my lips. My brows furrowed as I looked my mother in the eyes and continued, "I...I liked what he did to me...it was...my body liked it so much. I…I have never felt so…s-s-satisfied before and that...that scares me and it's all I keep thinking of. How do I get passed that? How do I not feel...disgusted with myself for it?" After I finished talking I couldn't keep my eyes on my mother. Tears began to pour silently from my eyes as I turned my head to the side against my pillow.

I could feel my mom reach up and wipe the tears that fell from her eyes. I heard her sniffling. She was trying not to break down and bawl in front of me…my confession had done this to her. Suddenly she was grabbing my hand again. She pulled it into her lap. I squeezed my eyes closed but reopened them and used my free hand to swat at the tears that had fallen.

"I work with people and their bodies everyday Santana…." My mom licked her lips gently as she thought carefully about how to phrase her next thought, "You can be connected but you can be so disconnected with your body at the same time…"

I rolled my eyes slightly and looked over at my mother's face again, "This wasn't like...it's not like I had a seizure or an asthma attack, mom. I should be able to control that..."

"Santana….an orgasm is merely a biological response to things going on below conscious control. It isn't something you can control. Sometimes our bodies speak for us against our will and without wanting." My mom sounded so collected somehow.

I let her words sink in. Were orgasms really beyond people's control? I furrowed my eyebrows. I of course don't have anything to compare it to… but in the movies…I shake my head, I know I am being ridiculous, but….people always are enjoying themselves when they orgasm. Right? Could it be possible that it is something that happens below conscious control like my mom says it is? She is a doctor…she knows right? Or is that just an opinion? My doubt quickly started coming back. Surely I could have stopped myself from completely letting go like I had done. It was like this feeling that was building in my stomach…and the only thing I could do….the only thing I had wanted to do was let it go…and so when I did…he had won.

"Santana? Did you understand me?" My mom asked gently.

I looked back at her again. "I heard you." I did. I had heard her…but I wasn't completely convinced that she was right. I mean…she is my mother…mom's say things in order to help their kids, truth or not? Or am I wrong? Shit. Why is everything so confusing now? Everything is so hazy since that night. I can't just feel one emotion…I have to feel 10 at the same time. I can't just think one way about something; I have to see three different sides to it. No wonder I'm always tired. I sigh.

My mom must have seen how tired I felt. She leaned over and kissed my forehead softly, "I know right now, it doesn't feel like it San, but someday you'll be on the other side of this. You don't get over it, but you'll be on the other side." She searched my eyes as she wiped a stray tear from my cheek. All I could do was nod my head and hope that my mom was right.

I closed my eyes and felt my mom slowly stand up from my bed and tuck the comforter around my shoulders. All I could think about was her last words. 'The other side'. What did that mean? Was it something to look forward to? Or was it going to be like this forever? Since that night…I've grown this huge fear of the unknown…and something as vague as 'the other side' didn't really sooth me. It terrified me. What was the other side to rape? I don't want to be 'that girl'. I don't want to have the classifier: victim. I don't want to be called a survivor…I don't like how any of those sound. I just want to be me. I want to be Santana Lopez, the girl who is a kick ass popular cheerleader with straight A's. The one who all the other girls are jealous of in school. I want to be the girl with a picture perfect life again….

But it won't ever happen. I'll never be that girl again. He made sure of that.

* * *

**A/N Reviews really do help inspire me. It's nice to know what people think of the hard work that I put into these chapters. I appreciate it. **


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Thank you for all the reviews: amandaes417, Alese222, Gleeks09, Sarah11650, Janie, Callie and those several anonymous guests. They were very motivating and VERY much appreciated. It made writing this chapter easier. I'm glad everyone is able to see how complicated things are, and are being understanding of the characters. While yes, Santana and Quinn harbor secrets for each other, some of which should be told to an adult, they are still 16 years old and not mature enough to realize that adults help is what they need. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. **

**Chapter 11**

I quietly walked down the stairs. It was Sunday morning and I could hear my mom and Quinn's voices drifting down the hall from the kitchen. I look up at the grandfather clock that rests at the bottom of the stairs, it is 10am. What was Quinn doing over here this early? Did she spend the night again? When did she get here? The closer I got to the kitchen I could make out my friend's words, "It's just hard." She is quiet. Her voice sounds defeated, "I can't ever do anything right in his eyes." I instantly knew she was talking about her father. That bastard.

I paused my steps and rested my back against the hallway wall leading to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt their conversation. It was hard to get Quinn to open up about her father, especially to my mom. I knew that when she did she needed to get it off her chest in order not to suffocate. So I decided to wait just in ear shot but hidden around the corner. My mom's voice hit my ears, her voice was accusing, "And your mom just sits there?" She scoffed, "Unbelievable."

I couldn't see Quinn but I knew she shrugged her shoulders in response, she always did. Quinn has come to accept how horrible her family treats her, much to my annoyance. It irritated me to no end that she accepted it and almost thought it as 'normal'. To her it was just something that was, something she had to deal with. "Yea. She does. No one says anything to him…but he always has a lot to say about me," Quinn drifted off. Her voice was even quieter when she spoke again, so I took another step closer to the entrance of the kitchen. "I'm just…plain."

Before my mom could object, Quinn continued. Her voice was stronger now, "Did I tell you that me wanting to be a cardiovascular surgeon is a disappointment to him?"

I jerked my head backwards and gave a surprised look to no one in particular as I hid behind the wall. How was being a cardiovascular surgeon a disappointment to anyone? My mom would pee her pants if I told her I wanted to be any type of doctor, let alone a surgeon! I shook my head. My mom's voice came loudly, "Come again? What the hell," She paused and corrected herself, "Excuse my language, is his reasoning for that?"

Quinn's voice was unsure when she responded. She didn't know it would provoke that strong of a reaction in my mom, "He wants me to be a neurosurgeon. 'If he had a brain surgeon as a daughter he would actually be able to brag about' me." Quinn paused and then continued quoting her dad, "Cardio surgeons are second best according to him. He doesn't understand why I constantly 'settle for being second best' since he 'didn't raise me that way'."

My mom scoffed, "That is absolutely ridiculous. What a pig!" She exclaimed in annoyance, which shocked me. My mom never uses derogatory names. Ever. Especially never out loud in front of her kids. She must have realized what she did because a second later my mom's voice was a significant amount more calm and quiet. "I'm sorry," She apologized quickly, "That was inappropriate of me...it is just so hard to hear the things that he says about you when you don't deserve any of them."

"It's not a big deal, and don't apologize," Quinn dismissed quickly, like she usually does. Typical Quinn. "San and I call him worse names. Besides, I hate him, so it's ok that you do too."

My mom quickly replied, "I don't hate him. I can't, because he gave me you."

With that I decided that it was time for me to stop eavesdropping and enter into the conversation. I walked around the corner, "She's right you know." Quinn turned around on her stool to watch me enter the room as my mom looked at me with a small smile. I manage a small smile back for my mom before I direct my gaze back at my best friend. "Black Mountain did at least one thing right in his life. He gave me my person." With that I gently pulled myself up onto the stool next to Quinn. I leaned over and rested my head on her shoulder.

I look straight forward to see my mom smiling at the two of us with a big grin. She is pouring cereal and milk into a bowl as she shakes her head, "Black Mountain?" I could feel Quinn nod her head which turns my mom's grin into a big cheesy smile. "You girls and your nicknames for people."

Quinn's dad only wears black clothes. His typical outfit includes: a plain black t-shirt, black sweat pants and black Velcro tennis shoes with black socks. The only colored shirt he has is a lime green one, which he wears on Christmas that reads "Bahumbug". He is a rather tall and round man who is constantly clad in black thus earning him the nickname: Black Mountain.

Suddenly the bowl of cereal is slid in front of me. My small smile slowly fades as I pick my head up off of Quinn's shoulder and reach for the spoon. The room is silent again. "How are you feeling this morning?" My mom asked gently.

I pause as the bite of cereal is inches from my face on the spoon as I think of an answer to my mother's question. Walking wasn't as painful as it had been the past few days this morning when I woke up, much to my surprise. My stomach was a dull ache rather than a pulsating burn. The more I thought about it the more I realized I was a tiny bit hungry as well. "I feel….I don't know. Better?" I finished putting the spoon of cereal in my mouth and continue to eat as I look down at my bowl.

My mom cleared her throat and smiled gently, "Really?"

I shrug my shoulders, "Yea." I spoon another bite into my mouth as Quinn continues to sit silently next to me on the stool. "I was thinking…." I trailed off and then cleared my throat. I looked at Quinn who was looking at me eager for me to continue, and then I looked at my mother before continuing. "I guess, I should um…go to school…tomorrow. Is…uh. Is that a good idea?"

My mom suddenly leaned across the island and gently reached across grabbing my hand in hers and holding it firmly. She looked me right in the eyes, "Are you sure you are ready? I can stay home again tomorrow if you think you need a day or two more. It really isn't a problem."

I look down at my mother's smooth hands as she held mine. She was brushing the top of my hand with her thumb. I shook my head, "I have to go back eventually…and the longer I'm out…the more questions…" I trail off.

Quinn finally spoke, "What about cheerleading? Are you going to come back to that too?"

My breath froze in my chest for a split second. I hadn't thought about cheerleading. There is no way I would be able to do any of that physical activity. No way I would be able to wear the uniform. I quickly shook my head, "No….no…" I look over at Quinn, "N-not yet at least." I look back over at my mom, "I just want to try…one thing at a time. You know? To….to get back to n-normal?"

My mom gently squeezed my hand before pulling her hand away and standing up straight again, "Santana, if you are ready for it, then I think it is a great idea. I think getting you out of the house and back to a routine will help you very much."

I slowly nodded my head and looked back over at Quinn who was smiling at me kindly. "Yea…okay." I finally took that second to realize Rachel wasn't in the room. "Where is Rach?" I sat up taller in my seat and listened to the silence that enveloped us. It just registered that the TV in the family room wasn't on nor could Rachel's voice be heard or any movement in any of the surrounding rooms in general. Rachel always woke up early. She was a big morning person. Surely she was up by now. I turned my head to look behind me as worry immediately etched all over my face and my breathing quickened. He was out there watching us and my sister was somewhere not being watched. He couldn't have gotten to her could he? What if he got her? My eyes start watering instantly.

Quinn quickly puts her hand on my shoulder forcing me to snap my head back quickly and look at her. Her face is calm which causes me to hold my breath as I wait for her to speak. She rubs my arm gently, "She's at Chelsey's house playing. She is fine. I walked her over this morning." I continued to stare into her eyes as Quinn looked directly back into mine. "She is fine," She repeated again.

I breathed a sigh of relief and continued to look into Quinn's eyes as I slowly tried to pull myself back together. My mom was standing across from us taking in my sudden freak out and our silent looks. "Is everything ok?" When neither of us answered she spoke again, "Rachel is fine Santana. What is going on?"

I shake my head and break my gaze from Quinn. Quinn knows why I was freaking out. She knows about his visit the other night and his new threat. My mom however doesn't have a clue, and I need to keep it that way. I blink my eyes rapidly to ensure all my unshed tears are gone. I clear my throat as I look over at my mom's worried confused face, "Yea…sorry. No everything is…I'm fine." I took a deep breath and attempted to put a small smile back on my face, "I'm fine."

I gave Quinn a look, which I knew she could read. I couldn't stand that Chelsey girl. Her parents always seemed to be oblivious to anything their kids were doing. They have five kids, the oldest was Rachel's age and all of them were hyperactive. Every time I drove by the house there always seemed to be one or two of them on the loose in the front yard and never any parent to be found. They had a trampoline set up in the side yard and a tire swing in the front yard. The kids were always running into the street. I even caught Rachel once blocks from home with Chelsey playing hide and seek. My mom and I were upset but my mom dropped it because she had a talk with the parents and implemented a new rule for Rachel. If Rachel was outside playing, she was no longer allowed to go beyond the big red house at the beginning of our street. It was about 10 houses down from ours, so it was a good enough distance away for Rachel to be able to ride her bike or run and play but still close enough for us to look out front and be able to see her down the street. The red house rule was good, but I never felt settled by how unobservant Chelsey's parents were with their kids. I hated her there even before... My thoughts trailed off. I couldn't help but shake my head. I told Quinn. I told her that he was watching me, watching us...and she couldn't come up with any reason why Rachel shouldn't maybe go to one of the most irresponsible unobservant houses in the city?

I slowly stood up as Quinn scooted off her stool. My mom was watching us both. I cleared my throat and picked up my half empty cereal bowl to empty down the garbage disposal. "I'm uh...we are going to go get Rach." I couldn't look at my mother because I didn't want her to read the worry that was definitely etched all over my face.

My mom sighed, "Santana, let her be. I would really rather her be over there with a friend than here asking questions and being distant in her room." My mom was volleying her gaze between me and Quinn.

I didn't respond right away because my breath was hitched in my chest. I needed to get Rachel back under our roof where I know he wasn't looking at her. I couldn't sit here knowing she might be in the front yard at that crazy house. I couldn't sit here knowing that she could be in his grasp this very second. If she screamed, I wanted someone to be able to hear her. Having her in the house was extremely hard. I have been avoiding being in the same room as her the past couple days. I don't want her to know how weak I am. I don't want her to ask me questions. I don't want her to know that something is wrong, even though nothing is clearly right. However hard it is having her in the same house as me at this moment with her big questioning stare, it was harder not having her here and constantly worrying.

I finally find my words, "I...I told her that we would do this thing... Today..." I was stuttering, but I couldn't control it. "So I'm um...We," I look at Quinn, "Are gonna go bring her back..."I look back at my mom for a brief second before looking back at the ground, "So we can...do that thing." I mumbled the last part causing my mom to walk towards me.

"Thing?" My mom asked.

Quinn stepped forward, "You know that scratch art thing? She's been bugging us for weeks to do it with her."

My mom looked at Quinn then back at me. I tried to find a smile. I couldn't read my mom's face. I couldn't tell if she believed our excuse or not, I don't even think she knew. I cleared my throat and decided I should chime in, "It's called 'Engraving Art' I think. I don't know..." I pulled at my shirt, "It is something that is easy." I lowered my voice to a mumble, "And quiet."

My mom slowly nodded her head as she leaned against the counter, "Well, I am glad you girls are going to be spending time with her. I know you know how upset she has been without spending time with you." My mom sighed, "I don't want her to be blaming herself." She said the last part more to herself but it stung like a knife. My sister has been begging to be included in my life again this past week, in her own way. She doesn't understand why I don't 'want' to spend time with her and the look on her face after every rejection has been very hard to live with, but it has been my only option. Still, I don't want her blaming herself for my mistakes. She had nothing to do with what I let happen to me. It is all on me.

Quinn walked over to me and linked her arm around mine which caused me to jump. Every time there was an unexpected noise or an unanticipated touch I couldn't help but flinch. I immediately saw the pained expressions on both Quinn and my mother's face. Worry filled my mother's eyes as regret and slight indignation filled Quinn's. I closed my eyes silently yelling at myself for flinching. Clearly it was just Quinn and my mom in the room, yet I couldn't help but assume that he was the one grabbing my arm.

I gave them a tight smile and stepped away. I grabbed my Cheerios jacket. "I'm gonna go get her," I muttered hurriedly. "I'll be right back."

I avoided their eyes because I could already feel them on me. I felt them all the time, worrying about me... Judging me. I grabbed the handle.

"Okay, I'll-" My mom called after me but I shut the door behind me, with an accidental slam.

I wrapped my jacket around me and walked as fast as I could toward Rachel, trying my best to focus on that and not what just happened or what could happen to her. I heard Quinn chasing after me but I ignored her and continued to walk through the backyard to the gate and into the back alley to get to Chelsey Salenger's house.

"Hey, wait up," Quinn called catching up with me before the gate slammed shut on her face. "San? Can we talk?" I didn't turn to look at her but I also didn't protest. She went on, accepting that I might not interrupt her yet. "I've been thinking and..." She caught her breath before continuing, "Rachel is a smart girl. She is mature for her age. She won't ever open the door again from what she told me yesterday and she knows about stranger danger. She has the tools to be fine; you really didn't need to come get her right away."

"She already broke the rules by riding her bike to your house. What stops her from wandering off again?" I huffed as I continued to walk at a fast pace.

Quinn jogged to catch up to me again, "Well then we will talk to her. We can make it into a weird educational game. She would totally go for that, she'll love it. We can do this together..." When I didn't respond we walked in silence. A few silent steps later she sighed loudly, "I think you should tell your mom, San." I picked up my pace to get away from the topic that Quinn was trying to bring up again and continued to walk towards the front of the house. The rugrats were running around but I couldn't see Rachel or Chelsey. I felt my heart instantly start beating faster in my chest. We were approaching their back gate just as Quinn continued to talk. Couldn't she take a hint? "Can we talk about the fight we had yesterday? I can see why you're upset and -"

I froze. I had had enough. "No, you really don't see!" I turned and looked at her. "If you saw, you wouldn't have let Rachel go to this house! You know they don't watch her."

I quickened my pace again and went through the unlocked fence and around the corner. Rachel was sitting on the trampoline and Chelsey was hanging out of the tree above her. Both of them had ridiculous capes on. With one girl in a tree and a smaller girl, my sister, on the trampoline it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was about to happen here.

"Get down!" I scolded from across the lawn.

Chelsey and Rachel looked at me like deer caught in the headlights. Rachel slowly untied her cape and began to scramble off the trampoline. Her feet dangled about four inches off the ground before she hesitated and let go.

I gave Quinn a side glance. "I won't let anything happen to her Quinn. I need you to get that." I shook my head. "I don't..." I went on with a whisper as Rachel drew closer. "Everything that you're feeling about me right now, I need you to magnify by one hundred." I looked at my best friend. "That's what I feel about the possibility of that …. of …. of that happening to Rachel. She wouldn't survive it." I paused and choked back a sob as I forced myself to put on my game face as Rachel and Chelsey giggled about something and Rachel helped the girl down from the tree. "I wouldn't survive it," she whispered.

"Hi," Rachel said sheepishly, now standing in front of me avoiding my eyes.

"We're going home," I said dryly. I felt a pang of guilt as Rachel's face fell. "I'm not mad," I said quietly and as gently as I could. I forced myself not to glare at Chelsey and took a deep breath, "But if I ever see you or Chelsey jumping from any tree onto that trampoline..." I shook my head. "I promise you, you will hope for mad because I will be FURIOUS." I looked at Chelsey. "Got it?"

Both girls nodded.

Rachel bit her lip and subconsciously took a step backwards away from me. I felt another pang of guilt echo through my body because tears started falling silently down her cheeks, hoping that I didn't see. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I know," I muttered. "I am too," I looked at my baby sister. I am so sorry for shaking her the other night. I am so sorry for how much I scared her, but most of all I am sorry for not being the sister that she needed. I sighed. "We're going home. Come on."

When she let out a small sob, I realized that my words came out angry. Again. I took a deep breath and stepped toward her. I lifted her chin with my finger and cupped her face with both my hands.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. My apology was for much more than this moment, but I knew she didn't know that. I wiped her tears and attempted to muster my game face. "I really came over because I wanted to know if you want to do that thing." She looked at me questioningly. "The art thing," I clarified. Shit. Now I really had to do this craft thing she's been begging me about for weeks.

Rachel's thousand dollar smile flashed across her face. "Really?"

I gave her a weak nod and smiled, "Yeah, if you're up to it."

Her smile widened and she wiped her tears furiously. "Of course, I am! I'll go get my coat inside! I'll be right back! I'll be so fast." She started toward the house but stopped and ran back to me and wrapped me in a tight hug. I tried my best not to flinch or wince. "I'm sorry I made you mad. Thank you for playing with me again," Her voice was so sincere and happy.

I bit my lip not only to bite back the pain but the anguish that her words caused. I stroked her hair and couldn't find my own words for an apology.

She looked up and smiled at me. I hate that she was so forgiving. I didn't deserve it. She ran into the house and I forced myself to wait outside, knowing that I would yell at a toddler for playing with power tools.

"San?" I squeezed my eyes shut. I had forgotten about Quinn.

I turned and looked back at Quinn. I made eye contact with my best friend. Her face was different. It was thoughtful, shocked, scared, and overwhelmed. I furrowed my eyebrows. I watched Quinn as she watched Rachel come out of the house with her jacket. My friend was watching Rachel closely. It was then in that moment that I could tell she understood my perspective. It was like she was seeing it for the first time. Rachel smiled and continued to walk over to us. I watched as Quinn looked at Rachel with wide eyes and then finally back at me.

"I can't let anything happen to her," I whispered so only Quinn could hear. "I need her to be okay. He touched her and ran his hand through her hair..." I felt bile rise in my throat and Quinn looked at me with teary eyes. "He will...I will go to my grave with this to make sure that he doesn't touch her ever again. And I need you to get that."

Quinn wiped her tears frantically.

"I'm ready!" Rachel smiled. She held her smile as she looked at me then back at Quinn. I hated and was grateful that she could be so oblivious. She was so happy to do that stupid craft. She took my hand as she always did. I stepped away with Rachel so that Quinn could pull it together, but Rachel stopped me. "Wait," she said with a tiny tug on my arm.

I watched as she turned back and held her hand out to Quinn. "Come on. We're going to do that craft, I've been telling you about." Quinn looked at Rachel's hand and then back at me with tears in her eyes.

"Okay," she said, not breaking our look to give attention to Rachel. She wasn't answering Rachel's demand for craft time, she was responding to my plea. My plea for silence about his appearance in our kitchen, "Okay," she said again.

Rachel took her hand. "You're gonna love it, Quinn." I watched as Quinn stared down at Rachel. My eight year old sister smiled at us. "I promise you won't regret it!"

I nodded and squeezed her hand a little harder. There was no way I was going to let go.

* * *

Quinn and I were laying on my bed now. The room is silent. My mom is downstairs catching up on work at the dining room table and my sister was taking her midday nap in her room. A small smile cracked my lips, "My sister is the only eight year old in the world that can still be tricked into naps."

Quinn nodded next to me, "I'm glad we did that scratch art craft thing. Although, Mama Lopez won't be too thrilled when she sees all the black flakes on Rachie's carpet." She shrugged, "But I'm glad you and I took the time to do that with her... she..." Quinn hesitated before turning her head to look at me. "She's been sad and confused," I closed my eyes at Quinn's words. "So it is good that you did this, she had fun and was being herself."

I nodded my head and then reopened my eyes, "Yea." I looked over and Quinn was still looking at me, I gave her a closed mouth smile and she returned one right back before she looked back up at the ceiling again. Silence filled the room. I watched Quinn's face drop slowly. I could see sadness cover her face. "Quinn?" I asked gently.

My best friend turned her head towards me again and started to put her face back together, hoping I wouldn't notice the sad despair that covered it seconds prior. She smiled at me and raised her eyebrows waiting for me to continue speaking.

"Don't do that." I stated sharply.

She looked at me confused, "Do what?"

I gently sat myself up to a seating position on my bed and looked at her, "That thing you do with everyone else." She continued to look at me like she had no clue what I was talking about. "I'm your person. When you are feeling something you tell me, nothing should get in the way of that." My voice wavers, "Or at least I hope that...I haven't changed that." I look down at my crossed legs.

Quinn rolled onto her side and laid a hand on my knee. She sighed, "Nothing has changed anything." She sighed again and then pushed herself up to a seated position too. She sat with her legs crossed next to me. "I..." She shook her head, "Last night was just...a whole new level. He just..." She shook her head as tears clouded her vision. She looked down at her loose fitted t-shirt and pulled at it.

I knew this was about her dad. He was really good at getting into her head and really messing with her. She always tried to hide it; she didn't like complaining about him, not really. Whatever happened last night must have been really bad from Quinn's sudden and quick break down. She was on the verge of crying. I reached my hand and started drawing patterns on her knee with my fingertip gently. "What happened?" I asked quietly as I continued to draw invisible shapes on her pale skin. A tear fell right next to my hand, it made my heart ache.

Quinn slowly started telling me about her night from the beginning of their 'Weekly Family Dinner'. It was like she was in a trance as she talked and recounted what happened.

_Quinn sat next to her sister as they sat across from their mother and father. They had arrived at the diner nearly twenty minutes ago but were just now being seated by the hostess. Quinn's father, Russell, wasn't much for waiting. The diner they chose to eat at for dinner was packed. Every seat was full and plenty of waitresses were swerving their way in and around tables and people as they worked. Their waitress, a nice plump southern bell, had come and gone with their drink order._

_Quinn ordered water when she would have rather gotten a sweet tea or soda. Eating with her father was always complicated. The topic of weight was always talked about, and it was never good. His voice chanted in her ear as she ordered her salad, 'A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.' Her sister, Alexa, ordered a full breakfast meal for dinner. She got French toast, two eggs, bacon and a side stack of miniature pancakes. Quinn couldn't help but be jealous of her sister. Her dad never said anything about weight to Alexa. Alexa could eat as many times as she wanted and whatever she wanted in front of their father and he would never say a word. She was his favorite, so she got away with everything._

_Quinn and Alexa were the same size. They shared each other's size 2 jeans. Quinn looked at Alexa and saw a fit beautiful young girl, but when she looked in the mirror all she could find were things that needed to be improved. Her thighs could be more toned, her upper arms needed more strengthening and her lower abs definitely needed to be worked on. It seemed no matter how much physical activity she did and how little she ate, Quinn couldn't seem to get rid of her 'lower pooch'. Alexa had one too, but of course it wasn't talked about constantly so it didn't seem as big of a deal._

_Her family was making small talk as the food was passed out along the table. Quinn thanked the waitress as she set the last plate in front of her and turned to walk away leaving the awkward family to their food. Meals were always awkward. They spent the time talking about things that didn't really matter and weren't of any big significance._

_Quinn picked at her salad. The dressing wasn't very good. Either that or there wasn't enough of it, but she wasn't about to ask the waitress to bring her more dressing, not when her father sat across from her. Her stomach was growling, she was so hungry. Quinn looked across at her mother's plate. Her mother had ordered a small steak with a side of broccoli and mashed potatoes. Her dad had nearly finished half of his large steak and was currently adding the sour cream and bacon bits to his baked potato. Quinn slowly looked to her left; Alexa had already finished her eggs and French toast and was currently adding syrup to her plate to dunk her bacon in. Alexa's side of pancakes was touching Quinn's salad plate. Pancakes were one of her favorite foods, and her sister's order looked so fluffy and golden._

_Quinn picked up her fork and cut off a tiny piece of Alexa's pancakes and quickly tossed it into her mouth. Her sister looked over at her accusingly but her face quickly turned into a smile as she elbowed Quinn playfully and continued to eat her bacon, nodding her head for Quinn to have more. Quinn smiled back and stole another bite of pancakes._

_Suddenly a loud boom shook their table. Quinn hurriedly picked up her water so none of it spilled over the sides from the sudden jerk of the table. She looked at her sister questioningly to see that Alexa was staring at their dad with wide eyes. Quinn quickly turned to look at her father, across the table from her. He had slammed his hands down onto the table. His palms were still open flush to the table. He had an angry scowl on his face aimed directly at Quinn._

"_Leave. Your. Sister's food. Alone." Russell growled at Quinn._

"_Dad it's fine-" Alexa started but was cut off with a wave of her father's hand._

"_It's not Alexa. Quinn, do you really think you should be eating that? You need to stick to your salad. This is ridiculous. You can't even control yourself for ONE meal!" Russell's voice was growing louder and louder._

_Judy's soft voice tried to speak, "Russell calm down-"_

_Russell shot his head over to his wife, "No one is speaking to you. Do NOT tell me what to do when I am busy parenting my glutton filled child." When Judy shrunk down under his barks he immediately looked across the table from himself at his youngest daughter, oblivious to the fact that the whole restaurant was now silent listening in to their lives. "You wonder why I don't go to your cheer meets Quinn Nicole? THIS IS WHY!" He slammed his hands down on the table again causing everyone at it to jump. He lowered his voice back to a low growl, "Why would I want to go watch my daughter shake her flabby ass around on some field? Why would I want to watch your thighs continue to jiggle moments after you've already stopped moving while you wear a tiny short skirt? It is APPALLING!"_

_Quinn had tears rolling out of her eyes. She kept moving her eyes around the room to see all the stares people were giving them. The whole restaurant was silent watching her father yell at her and scream about how fat she was. Her face felt flush from embarrassment. Her father had scolded her in public before, but never like this. Not for eating two bites of her sister's pancakes. Was she really that fat?_

"_It's a wonder they even allow you on the team!" He yelled even louder than before._

_Suddenly the waitress appeared at the table again. The big southern woman put both of her hands on her hips and took in the scene before her. Judy and Alexa sat quietly in their separate corners as Quinn sat with a never ending stream of silent tears running down her face. Russell was breathing heavy from being so riled up._

"_Can I help you sir?" The waitress said with a snap of her head, her voice laced with attitude._

_Quinn watched in horror as her father turned his death glare from herself towards the nice waitress. Sure the waitress was a big lady, who looked like she could handle her own but she has never came across Russell Fabray before. Quinn didn't wish that on anyone. _

"_As a matter of fact you most certainly can," He said as he sat up taller and looked her straight in the eyes._

_Quinn quickly shifted her gaze between her father and the waitress. What was her dad up to? This can't be good. _

_Russell gestured towards Quinn, not letting his eyes leave the waitress, "Quinn here wants a hot fudge sundae."_

_The waitress shot her head backwards, appalled but before she could respond Quinn beat her to it, "Dad, no," She sobbed. "I-I don't want one."_

_Russell glared at Quinn again, "You obviously are hungry. We can't let your stomach rolls die of starvation now can we?" As soon as the words left his mouth all the young blonde could do was hang her head in shame. The faint noise of a fork could be heard as Judy pushed her food around on her plate silently. _

"_Now you wait here a minute! Excuse me?" The waitress' southern drawl was prominent. _

_Russell slammed his hand down on the table one more time. Murmurs from people seated around them could be heard. People weren't sure if they were on one of those reality shows. They looked eagerly on as the drama continued to unfold. "Are you deaf? Or just stupid? Do you need me to speak slower?"_

"_Sir-" The lady tried again._

"_I said," Russell said slowly, "My fat ass daughter," he pointed at the crying teen, "wants a hot fudge sundae. With extra hot fudge on top. Do you think you can handle that?"_

_Quinn glanced up quickly to the curly haired waitress and shook her head quickly, silently begging her to just leave the table. A loud sob escaped her lips. She buried her head into her hands, trying her best to hide or get as far away from this situation as she could. She had never been so embarrassed in her life. Suddenly her sister was nudging her. Quinn looked to her left and saw her sister's sad but dry face motioning her to look at their mom. Quinn looked at Judy quickly and noticed that she was holding the car keys out towards her, her face was full of remorse. _

_Russell objected to Judy's gesture, "Judy-"_

_Judy cut Russell off, much to his surprise, "Russell...just..." She shook her head and dropped the keys into Quinn's open hand._

_Russell scoffed, "Just what? Huh? What is it?" He huffed, "Am I wrong?!"_

_With that Quinn quickly stood excusing herself from the table. She quickly wiped her eyes and cheeks with her hands before squeezing past the waitress and heading towards the front door. On her way out of the restaurant she noticed that everyone's eyes were on her. As soon as she would pass a table she immediately heard whispers. She rushed out of the restaurant as fast as she could without creating an even bigger scene than they had just created. As she swung open the entrance door she could still hear her dad's angry voice shouting nonsense from the table. _

_Once the door closed and she was fully outside she broke into a sprint towards her father's BMW. She needed to get inside the car. She needed to get in the backseat and lock the doors and try to wake up from this horrible nightmare she was currently in. This couldn't be her life. Could it? Did that just all happen over two measly bites of pancakes?_

_Quinn let out a loud sob as soon as the car door closed, locking her in. Once the familiar click of the locking doors could be heard, the dam burst. The young girl broke out into a fit of hysterical sobs. This was her life. And that? That was her father. _

My best friend just finished telling me her story. She had heavy tears running down her face. I was staring at her with my jaw hanging open in shock. Her dad is literally insane. That is the only explanation. He has done some crazy things before, but this has by far been one of the most embarrassing hurtful things that he's done to Quinn. I am appalled. I wiped my cheeks free of the tears that made their way down my face throughout the story. "I can't believe him! How absurd! That went above and beyond ridiculous!"

Quinn just nodded and wiped her face with her shirt sleeve. She was silent as she starred off at my comforter.

I put my hand on hers, "Quinn…I am so sorry you had to deal with that."

My best friend shook her head and pulled her hand from my own as she looked up at me. "Sometimes… I wish he would just hit me and get it over with, so I could report him and get out of that hell hole."

I looked back at my friend with a blank stare. I looked her deep in the eyes and could tell that she genuinely meant every word of her last statement. There was a problem with that. Her dad has hit her. No he hasn't slapped her across the face or punched her but he has done something that isn't appropriate… multiple times. I've kept my mouth shut about it for far too long. I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head, "He spanks you."

Quinn pulled her head back in shock and furrowed her eyebrows. She wasn't looking me in the eyes anymore. "Yea…but…" She shook her head, "That isn't what I am talking about San. Spanking is normal."

A look of disgust instantly covered my face. I could feel my anger beginning to boil. Quinn didn't see anything wrong with this? Seriously? My voice grew louder, "It is not normal to not be able to sit down for an entire day or two because of it. And it definitely isn't normal to get welts."

Quinn scoffed, "That only happened a couple times. It usually is never that bad." I watched her shake her head, she was getting angry too. "Gosh, why are you being like this?"

I couldn't help but shoot her another disbelieving look. What was she talking about? How could she not see it? "Being like what?" I snap.

Quinn threw her hands up in frustration, "You make it sound like I come from an abusive home." Her voice grew quieter, "I mean…it sucks…but it isn't like that. It isn't like on those _Law and Order_ episodes or anything."

I shook my head repeatedly and looked at my best friend, "I wish you could hear yourself."

"San-"

I suddenly stood up from my bed and stared down at Quinn as she remained seated. I cut her off, "No seriously Quinn. I wish you could see what I see. What he says to you? That is emotional abuse-"

Quinn cut me off, "Seriously, no."

I waved my hands, "Seriously yes Quinn." I pointed at her, "I know it might be easier for you to accept if you just put it in the 'normal' category…but it isn't normal and it isn't how you should be treated. End of story." I watched as my best friend hung her head. I continued, fueled by my anger at her father for getting into her head and twisting her thoughts, "He shouldn't ever have spanked you so hard that you had welts for days. One time you couldn't cheer because you could barely walk let alone tumble because of the state he put you in. Bruises and welts? It simply should not be done. It is abuse, whether you like it or not." I was breathing heavily. Quinn continued to look down at my bed as I stood above her, "I've stayed silent about this for far too long Quinn and I'm sorry I am snapping at you now but you need to see that this is not okay. That the words and actions…all of it is abuse."

Quinn's head was still bowed down. I watched her huff a deep breath, "Fine. Whatever. Can we stop talking about this?" She shook her head, "Forget I brought it up."

I look at my friend silently. I'm still fuming. She isn't getting it and she is always so quick to dismiss it. It frustrates me that she doesn't see how amazing of a person she is. It frustrates me that she lets her dad win. It frustrates me that she sticks up for that bastard. I'm about to push the subject further when I notice tears falling from Quinn's eyes. I instantly feel the anger vanish as guilt and sympathy quickly take its place. "Sorry…yea. We can drop it…if that is what you truly want."

Quinn silently nods her head as she bites on her lip and swats at a lone tear that tried to run down her cheek.

I gently sit back down on my bed and scoot over so that I am sitting right next to my best friend. "You have to know that you are in no way fat or ugly or disappointing. You are amazing okay?"

Quinn doesn't answer me. She is just staring off at my comforter again.

I squeeze her knee gently and repeat myself once Quinn is looking into my eyes again, "Okay?"

Quinn looks at me with her sad eyes and places her hand on top of my own as it rests on her knee. She finally nods her head as she wipes a tear from her chin. She gives me a weak smile which I return gratefully. "I love you S, I'm glad you are my person."

My smile grows. I pull her into a big hug. "I am glad that you are mine."

* * *

Hours flew by and I found myself sitting at the dining room table for Sunday Dinner. We had all spent the rest of our Sunday doing our own thing. Once Rachel woke up from her nap she wanted to watch _The Wizard of Oz_…another one of my least favorite movies. Quinn had watched the movie with her as I spent the time in my room figuring out outfits that I could wear to school that would be comfortable…but not raise too many questions all while hiding my healing injuries. It proved to be a complicated time consuming task. My mother spent her time fussing over me, working on paperwork from the practice, doing the dishes and making dinner. She is superwoman. No doubt in my mind about it.

But now it was time for Sunday Dinner. This weekly tradition started long before Rachel was even born. My dad used to cook a big meal every Sunday night and we would all gather around the dining room table and eat together as a family and talk about random things and laugh. A lot. My dad was always smiling and was such a jokester. Sunday dinners were always filled with laughter. It was special because it was different than our week day dinner routine, which wasn't much of routine at all. Dinner usually was kept in the kitchen at the island, where we would eat at different times depending on our different schedules throughout the week. Every Sunday we would bust out the nice china and the whole family would gather around the nice dining room table for a homemade meal. _"We have a dining room for a reason. We should use it at least once a week or it'll think we forgot about it,"_ My dad had explained to me long ago with his big smile. Once Rachel was born and after my dad passed, my mom continued the tradition in his honor. She started to make the meals every Sunday and the three of us plus Quinn, once we became friends, would sit in the dining room every week and enjoy it. The laughter and talk about random things continued throughout the years, it was always something I looked forward to every week. Every week until this week.

That night has changed everything. The thought of sitting at a table with two people who knew and my baby sister who I desperately didn't want to know made me feel uncomfortable in its self. As we all sat and forked at our plates of spaghetti tension filled the room. So much had happened since last Sunday. So much will never be the same. As silence consumed us only the sound of clanking forks on plates could be heard. There was no talking, no laughing. He changed everything. He took away my favorite part of the week without even knowing it existed.

My mom sat at the head of the table sipping on her glass of wine. I looked across the table at my sister as she tried to spin spaghetti noodles onto her fork; she seemed to be deep in thought. Quinn suddenly nudged me with her elbow. I turned to look at her quietly. She was sitting next to me giving me a questioning look, asking if I was okay silently. I nodded my head and looked down at my plate. How did my mom make the meatballs so big?

"Sissy?" Rachel's voice finally broke the clinking and the silence.

"Hm?" I responded as I finished chewing a small bite of the meatball.

"Your eye looks a lot better." Rachel said simply.

I immediately looked up at my sister. That comment caught me off guard. This was why I didn't want to do Sunday dinner. This was why I've been avoiding my sister. She's too little to understand any of this. My breathing freezes in my chest as I look into her eyes. I watch as they went from confident to confused to worried. She was wondering if she said something wrong. She hadn't of course…she doesn't know what she said…she was technically being nice, but it stung for the other three of us at the table who knew exactly how I got this black eye. I could see Quinn frozen mid-bite next to me out of the corner of my eye.

My mom finally found her voice after getting over the initial shock of the first topic brought up at Sunday dinner, "Rachel, please don't-"

I cut my mom off. Rachel didn't say anything mean. She was being honest...and honesty sucks but it's always the best policy in her book. "No mom, it's….it's okay."

Rachel looks back and forth between our mom and me, "I was just saying…" She sighed and went back to staring at her plate. I watched her shoulders slump.

"It's ok boo, um…Thanks," I look over at my mom, "it does feel better." I look back at Rachel who is looking at me now, trying to decide if I was being genuine or not. I smiled kindly at her and nodded my head, "Really."

I watch as my sister breathes a sigh of relief and nods her head before twisting more noodles onto her fork. The table went back to eating in silence for a few more minutes.

Rachel broke the silence again, "Quinn?"

I looked over at my friend. She froze as she looked down at her plate; she was hesitating because she was nervous what Rachel would ask her following Rachel's last attempt at conversation with me. "Yea boo?" She said finally looking up at Rachel with her fake smile on. Quinn was so good at wearing her mask; it never ceased to amaze me.

"Do you…do you think you'll still be here Tuesday night?" Rachel's eyes were big as she looked at Quinn.

I watched as Quinn looked uncomfortably at Rachel before looking over at our mom as she answered hesitantly, "I uh…yea…I probably will?"

My mom nodded her head at my best friend, silently telling her that she is more than welcome to stay at our house with us until Tuesday if she needed to. Quinn's dad has a record of not allowing Quinn home for multiple days at a time after the 'big blow ups'. After he tells her to get out, he tells her that she isn't allowed home until he calls and gives her permission to reenter his house…sometimes it can take days before getting his call. My mom and I both know that the latest blow up will probably result in one of these instances. I watched as Quinn gave my mom a grateful smile which was returned by my mom.

Quinn looked over at my sister again, "Why do you ask?"

I looked over at Rachel who looked between me and Quinn, "Well, we are learning about the Artic in school and my teacher said that we are going to have a project that's going to be due this Friday." She shrugged her shoulders, "She is going to tell us more about the project on Tuesday during school so I'd like to start it that night so I can be ahead of the class."

I couldn't help but smirk at my sister. She always had to be a teacher's pet. She most definitely was not a procrastinator like I tended to be, it was one of the things I deeply admired about her.

Quinn smiled at Rachel too, "Well sure, I'd love to help."

"What is the project going to be on?" I asked my sister.

"Well I know that we have to pick an arctic animal and do a report on it." Rachel bit off a piece of her garlic bread, "I'm going to pick the penguin, obviously."

Quinn, my mom and I all answered at the same time, "Obviously." We all laughed lightly. Rachel has been obsessed with penguins since they all could remember. They were her favorite animal. She always talked about them. She begged our mom to let her decorate her room in penguins a couple years prior. And last year when we went to the zoo, Rachel started crying from happiness of being so close to her favorite animal. The memory brought a smile to my face.

Rachel continued talking, "My teacher said that we have to be creative with the project so that's why I need your help Quinnie."

I scoffed playfully at my sister, "And why aren't you enlisting me in project penguin?"

My best friend looked over at me and nudged me with her elbow teasingly, "Come on San, we all know that you aren't big on crafts."

"Yea, and Quinn is a better drawer." Rachel reasoned with a big smile on her face.

I looked over at my mom with a look of fake disbelief. She laughed gently at me and smiled at the three of us before taking another sip of wine. I smiled and laughed myself before looking over at my baby sister, "Yea...I guess this is true." I shrugged then took another bite of my spaghetti.

Once the laughter died down Rachel spoke again, "Did you know that Penguins can rocket their poop from their butt for long distances so they don't have to leave their nest to go potty?"

My mom choked on her food. "Rachel," she warned.

"Ew boo, that is gross." Quinn replied with a small laugh.

I shook my head and pushed the meatball I was about to stick on my fork over to the side of my plate. I lowered my fork down and looked at my sister, "And why are these animals your favorite?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "Because they are cute."

I let out another short laugh, "Got it."

I sat back in my chair and looked around the table one more time. Everyone was now smiling and laughing. This felt normal. This was the Sunday dinner that they've had since she could remember. Delicious food, interesting conversations and being together as a family, smiling and laughing. Maybe things were slowly getting back to normal. I looked at the three people that I loved most, maybe I could do this. Maybe there was still hope.

* * *

Both Quinn and I had showered, changed for bed and were now lying under the covers in my room silently. Dinner had ended, dishes were done and 'good nights' were said. As the night came closer to ending I started to feel more nervous. School was tomorrow. I was going to have to answer questions and explain to the rest of my teammates why I wasn't going to be attending practices for…a while. I still didn't know what I was going to tell anyone. What do I say? I could always say I was sick…but that doesn't explain the black eye. Maybe I can cover it up with makeup? Or I could say I walked into a door or something? Does that excuse really work? Shit. I'm beginning to freak out just thinking about it.

Suddenly my door opened slowly with a faint knock. My mom came into the room, "I figured you both would be in here." She smiled gently as she walked over and sat down on the side of my bed. Quinn scooted up to a sitting position as she leaned on my headboard. I watched her smile kindly at my mom before I looked over at my mother. She smiled at Quinn before looking down at me. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "So are you still sure you want to go to school tomorrow? Have you thought about it more?"

I sighed heavily. "Yea….yea I want to go. I...I need to go."

My mom nodded her head. "Okay, if you are sure."

All I could do was nod my head in response. I wasn't sure, but I felt like it was inevitable. I needed to go back to school eventually and the sooner I go the easier it will be to explain my absence. Well…'easier' is the wrong word. The longer I'm gone, the harder it would be to explain my absence.

"Tomorrow if there is any point that you need me to come get you, then you call okay?" My mom was staring intently at me.

"I thought I couldn't have my cell phone," I gave a small smile up at my mom. It was meant to be a joke…but seeing my mom's reaction I instantly knew it was too soon and a bad one.

"San, I'm sorry." She shook her head, "You aren't grounded. When I told you that you can't drive or use your phone…I didn't know. I'm sorry. Of course you can have your phone. I want you to have it in case you need me." My mom's face was flushed.

My smile instantly faded. I shook my head, "Ma…I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I'm sorry."

"No." My mom looked over at Quinn before looking back at me, "Don't you apologize Santana. You have nothing to be sorry for. You hear me?"

I avoided my mom's gaze and looked downward, "Kay." My emotions felt all over the place still. I still couldn't stand when my mom or Quinn told me that none of this was or is my fault. None of us would be feeling the way we do now if it wasn't for me. If I could have fought back more, or not left the party by myself, or not gone to the party in the first place. It was all on me. It wasn't about realizing or accepting that maybe it wasn't my fault…because I am 100% sure that it was…it's about accepting it and living with it.

My mom sighed loudly, "Okay." She reached over me and squeezed Quinn's hand lovingly as she smiled at her. Then she slowly bent down and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. She sat up slowly and looked at me with a kind smile, "How is your stomach?"

The words seemed to freeze the room. I immediately shot my head to the side to look at Quinn. My best friend was staring at my mom with furrowed eyebrows; she immediately looked down at me with the same confused look on her face. She was silently asking me what my mom meant. I shook my head quickly and looked back at my mom. I could tell by my mom's face that she felt bad for letting that slip. I know she just assumed that I had already told Quinn. I tell Quinn everything, so it was a safe assumption…only I hadn't told her about nor showed her my stomach. I never found a time to do it. I never could find the strength to tell her.

My mom gave me a sad smile and squeezed my hand before standing up and heading towards my bedroom door. "I'll see you girls in the morning. I love you both." My mom looked at me and gave me an apologetic look before closing my bedroom door behind her, leaving just me and Quinn alone in my semi-lit room.

I sighed and laid my head down on my pillow, facing away from Quinn. Maybe if I didn't look at her she will forget any mention of my stomach.

"What is wrong with your stomach, San?" Quinn broke the silence.

I immediately squeezed my eyes closed. I knew better than to think that Quinn would just drop something like this. My eyes started to tear up. I was feeling guilty for hiding this from my best friend, even though technically I knew that there was no reason to feel guilty. I've never hidden anything from her before all of this...and now I feel like I am lying left and right. She knows more about the actual events that occurred than my mother does, but I left out this one thing. This huge thing. I didn't tell her because it is what I am the most ashamed of. It's my title. It's what he has branded on me and the problem is: I think it describes me perfectly. I mean who else would get off during a ...rape...other than a whore? My cheeks were wet now. My mom said it was biological but I didn't feel like it was. I felt like I liked it. I liked it so much that my back completely arched off the ground. I moaned loudly into his ear. That isn't biological. His brand fit me, and that is why I am terrified of showing people.

"Santana?" Quinn leaned over me and gently set her hand on my shoulder. Once she saw my tears she threw back the covers and sat on her knees next to me. "What is going on?"

I finally turned my head to look at my friend. I wasn't sure what to say. Finally I opened my mouth, "I...I haven't s-s-shown you...because I...I didn't want to see your reaction. My mom...she made me show her. I-I didn't really want to..." I shook my head, "I didn't want to."

Quinn's eyebrows furrowed, "Show me what?" I didn't respond, I continued to stare at her with tear filled eyes, "Your stomach?"

I closed my eyes and nodded my head as I bit my lip nervously.

"I don't get it, San." Her voice was filled with confusion.

"I can't...talk about it. I can't explain it..." I said uneasily. I opened my eyes and looked into her confused ones. I take a deep breath as more tears sting my eyes, "I can show you...but I don't want to show you." I shook my head, "But...I don't know how to tell you...I can't say it..."

I trailed off realizing that I was going in circles. Quinn wasn't going to drop this now. I was going to need to tell her what I was hiding. The thought of me saying what he did to my stomach made me nauseous. I shook my head again. There was no way I was going to be able to put it into words, I had to show her. I moved my hands to the bottom of my T-shirt and grabbed the material firmly. I took a deep breath...and then I paused. I couldn't make my arms move. I couldn't show her. How was I supposed to show my best friend this awful disgusting thing that he left me with? I felt like I was jumping back and forth between my only two options in my head. Show her or tell her.

I looked at Quinn and she was looking at my hands, waiting for them to move. Her eyes finally looked up to my face when she realized I wasn't moving them. "San?" Her voice was gentle; her eyes were wide and full of worry. I could tell that she knew this was going to be bad. We didn't keep secrets from each other and here I was, caught with my secret, trying to figure out the best way to do this.

More tears fell from my eyes, "I can't…I don't know if it will ever go away... I don't know ... if I will ever ... go swimming again; I'll have to wear an ugly one piece... I don't know... I just don't know..." My voice was cracking.

I watched my best friend nod her head slowly. Her face still held a confused worried look, but she gently rested one of her hands on my upper arm and began stroking it calmly with her thumb. She opened her mouth to speak, "San..." She took a deep breath, "Remember when...my dad left me with those welts that you were talking about earlier? The ones that caused me to miss days of cheer practice?"

I continued to grasp the end of my shirt in my hands tightly. I looked into my best friend's eyes and tried to understand where she was going with this. Why would she bring up the welts? The ones that we fought about earlier. I furrowed my eyebrows as I nodded my head slowly and waited for her to continue.

Quinn licked her upper lip before continuing, "I didn't understand why you needed to see them so badly." She paused for a minute as she continued to stroke my arm. She blinked rapidly to keep the tears that now clouded her eyes from falling, "And I just... I just didn't get it and you ... you looked at me... you... begged me and I... I couldn't say no...You looked at me in a way that...I couldn't say no. I was..." She pulled her hand away from my arm and looked at her lap, "I was mad and I didn't know how to be mad because … I thought that you wanted to know for... I don't know … for you..." She shook her head. "I'm not making any sense." She sighed. "I was scared to show you because I didn't want it to be … I don't know..." She shrugged her shoulders, "It was my secret." She looked at me gently. "I get it. You need to..." She took a deep breath. "I need you to think back to that moment and I need you to know that that's how I am feeling right now."

What Quinn was saying made sense. The tables have turned and now I have to show her. I nodded my head at my friend who smiled kindly at me before she changed her focus to my shirt, the part that covered my stomach. I watched her start chewing her lip nervously. My heart was beating out of my chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I willed my arms to lift my shirt. I felt the fabric start to move up as my hands drew my shirt towards my head, slowly exposing my carved stomach.

I tried to get away from this moment mentally. I didn't realize my entire stomach was showing already until I felt my balled up fists hit my chin. It registered in my mind that I could feel the cool breeze created from the fan on my wound. My shirt was pulled so far up that my bra was exposed. I froze. Quinn wasn't saying anything. Was she still there? I didn't want to look. Tears fell from my closed eyes.

Finally I opened my eyes slowly, still grasping my shirt firmly. When I opened my eyes I was met with my best friend looking directly into my eyes. She had silent tear trails that were left on her cheeks. Her forehead was wrinkled, but her eyes were soft. I released the breath I was holding. She reached up and gently stroked my cheek with her hand. I felt my hands relax the grip on my shirt.

She gently licked her upper lip, "San. This is not you. You are absolutely NOT a whore." She paused. "That is why you didn't show me right? You didn't show me because you think that it's right...you think that he was right?" She was looking at me with such kind eyes. I released a sob that I couldn't hold in any longer.

I watched Quinn's face fall, it looked like her heart broke from my silent confirmation. She shook her head and continued, "No. Santana, no. You are not a whore. Do you hear me? A whore is someone who sleeps around with a lot of men...someone like me." She paused, "You are not even close to that category."

She cupped my face again. This time I leaned into her palm as tears continued to fall from my eyes. Quinn continued, "You didn't ask for this to happen. You weren't expecting it. What happened that night in no way, shape or form has made you a whore." She took a minute to catch her breath and even out her breathing. She looked back down at my stomach and chewed her lip again. "God. I can't believe he did that to you. I just…" She groaned in frustration, "I wish I could just put my hands around his neck and squeeze the life out of him-"

I let out another loud sob. This is taking so much out of me.

Quinn quickly reels herself back in, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry. I'll stop. I just…I'm so heated right now; my heart is beating a million miles a minute…" She trails off. I nod my head in understanding. I get it. I really do.

Quinn slowly lies down next to me and puts her face up next to mine so that our noses touch. She looks into my eyes as she uses her hand to take mine and bring my shirt back down to cover my stomach again. She takes a deep breath to calm herself down, "San?" I refocus on her eyes so she continued, "You trust me right? I'm your person and you trust me?"

I frown at her question. Of course I trust her. I wouldn't have told her about any of this…I wouldn't have showed her this…if I didn't trust her. I trust her with my life. I slowly nod my head as I swallow another hiccupped sob.

Quinn breathes, "Then please hear me. I know you. I know you inside and out. I know where your favorite hiding places were for hide and seek. I know where you hide things that you don't want your sister or mom to find. I know that you kiss the roof of the car every time you drive under a yellow light and I know that you don't even know the superstition behind that action. I know your locker combos, your passwords and your middle name. I know that you dunk your fries in mayonnaise and that you hate pickles. I know you. I've known you for eight years. Right?"

I nod my head at my friend.

She smiles at me, "You are many many things San, but you are in no way, shape or form a 'whore'."

I release a quivering breath and begin to cry heavily. My best friend pulls me into a hug and whispers into my ear. I am holding onto her so tightly I think my fingers might snap off. I am so beyond relieved that Quinn's reaction to my stomach wasn't anything like what I had pictured. Somehow after I have shown her what he left me with…she is still here. She is convincing me that my attacker and my feelings about myself are 100% wrong. I am so beyond grateful to have her as my best friend. I continue to cry into my friends embrace until I am consumed by darkness. Sleep overtakes me again.

* * *

**Your feedback is so very much appreciated. Posting these chapters, I get nervous and to see that there are so many of you supporting me eases my nerves. :) Thanks for your reviews.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed. It means so much to me. The previous chapter meant a lot to me personally, and I was beyond nervous to put it up here. I'm glad that people are enjoying this story. I really cherish the reviews and PM's. I hope this chapter does not dissappoint.**

I woke up one hour before my alarm was set to go off. One more hour and Quinn and I would have to get ready for school. School. I'm going back. I'll be out in the open in front of all my peers in less than two hours. Will they notice? Do I look different? I feel different. I continued to lie in my bed and stare up at my fan as more light seemed to seep through my blinds. I looked over at my best friend. She was still sound asleep. I frowned remembering the conversation I had with her before I cried myself to sleep in her arms. She knows. She knows just about everything there is to know about that night now. I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach. Quinn already had so much on her plate with her nutso father and absent mother...surely she shouldn't have to deal with the weight of my...situation. I shake my head at myself. It wasn't fair of me to share everything with her. No one else can know. I need to work on my fake face. I need to have a fake face.

I sighed. Am I really ready to go back to school? To face my peers, my teammates, my coach? I've missed three days of school in a row. I never used to miss school before...him. I sighed again. I have to go today. There is no day but today...right? If I missed today...then that would be four days in a row. I shook my head and took a breath as I slowly pushed myself out of my bed, making sure not to wake Quinn. Twenty more minutes and the alarm would sound and wake her. I had twenty more minutes to myself.

I walked quietly to my bathroom and looked at my reflection. My lip was nearly completely healed, but my eye still had shades of green and light purple. I frowned at myself. I broke my gaze and opened up my cabinet to pull out my makeup bag. A lot of work had to be done. I can't have people see my black eye. Maybe if I can hide it, then I can pretend I was just sick the past three days of school.

As I applied a thick coat of concealer to my eye I sighed a breath of relief when I realized that at least I wouldn't have to run into Puck. I have never been so happy that Puck skips more school than he attends than I am now. I don't think I could deal with his confrontation. I'm sure if he saw me he would give me a piece of his mind...and I couldn't handle that. I already had too much on my plate. As I applied more powder to my face, I came to the conclusion that if I saw him, I would avoid him at all costs. I know that technically I can't avoid him for the rest of my life...but today was my first day back. It was my first day back to school and I had to take baby steps here. Dealing with Puck would be too much since he was the reason I was at that house in the first place that night. I don't blame him, obviously. I'm at fault for letting what happened happen... but Puck would just remind me of how I failed to come back in after I 'took my purse to my car' and I couldn't hear that from him. Not now at least. I frowned, I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear that from him.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I could still see the green hues from my black eye. I need another coat. I picked up the concealer. One more coat and it will be like it never happened... almost.

* * *

An hour and a half later I pulled my car into my parking space at McKinley next to Quinn's and put it in park. I sat in my car for a second after I turned off the engine. We had to drive separate since I wasn't planning on going to cheer practice and Quinn was. I didn't mind the time to myself though. It only was a 15 minute drive to school, but during that fifteen minutes I had time to talk to myself and try to convince myself that I could get through this day. The closer I got to school the whiter my knuckles had become; my death grip on the steering wheel was insane.

I took a deep breath before gently easing myself out of the car. I tried my very best not to whimper as my stomach stretched; irritating my wound. Suddenly I felt someone guide me to a sturdy standing position by holding my elbow. I looked up quickly and sighed in relief. It was Quinn.

"I got ya," She smiled at me and closed my car door behind me, "You good?"

"Mhmm," I gave a small smile as I gently pulled my backpack over my shoulder and tightened the straps.

We started to walk towards the school from the student parking lot. There were kids everywhere ahead gathered in the front yard of the school. You could hear chanting and laughing. People were singing and running around. Other students were playing card games while others were huddled with their friends talking and gossiping. My feet suddenly forgot how to walk. I stopped abruptly as I grabbed my backpack straps tightly and stared at the mass of students that waited ahead of us. It just dawned on me that this was going to be the first time since….my attack….that I will be out of my house, really. Sure I had gone to the clinic with Quinn, and I had been to Rachel's dance studio but I haven't been out of my house, in a public place for 7 hours straight since before last Tuesday night. My palms were sweating. I had to be around all those people? For 7 hours? I don't know if I could do this.

Quinn took a few more steps before realizing I wasn't next to her anymore. I watched her turn around quickly and walk back towards me. She stood directly in front of me and stared into my panic filled eyes.

All I could do was stare back. I couldn't speak because my brain started to run a mile a minute. Was he going to be here? Had he followed me on my way? I couldn't remember if I looked in my rearview mirror enough times to see if any single car had been constantly behind me. I couldn't help but wonder if he was watching me right now….or if he had other people that he tormented too. Would he be watching my mom at work? What about Rachel at school? Were they safe? He hadn't looked like a high school student…but what if he just looked mature for his age and he was a student here? Last year's graduating class had 300 students. Our school was huge. What if he was a student? My eyes begun to sting with tears.

"Hey, San…" Quinn's voice gently brought me back to focusing on her eyes.

I shook my head and looked at the cement.

"San, you are okay. You can do this," Quinn was always so good at staying positive for me. "You will be okay… you are safe here…" It was like she could read my mind.

I looked up at my best friend again. She gave me a small smile and wiped a tear that managed to fall down my cheek. Somehow the tears disappeared from my eyes.

Quinn looked over her shoulder at all the obnoxious students in the front yard again then looked back at me. "There are so many kids and teachers here… you will blend right in. There isn't anything to worry about. You'll blend okay?"

I chewed my lip nervously. Quinn had a point. All I had to do was blend in. I looked down at my outfit. I wasn't in my Cheerio's uniform so blending shouldn't be too hard…right? I looked back at my friend. I could be invisible. I just had to get through the day. I just had to keep my head down and get from class to class. I just need to be invisible.

* * *

Quinn sat in her AP World History class. Her previous class she had with Santana, she had noticed that her friend hadn't spoken the entire time. Normally Santana used to chat so much that their teacher would end up blowing a fuse and assigning extra homework. Today however was different. Quinn had expected that it would be different, but seeing her best friend slouched over at her desk at the front of the class silent the entire time, made Quinn's heart ache. At least she was here. Her being here was a huge step, she reminded herself.

After this class she had one more class before she would get to see Santana again at lunch. She just couldn't help but worry about her best friend, for obvious reasons. Suddenly the sound of snickering brought Quinn out of her thought process. She looked at the two freshmen Cheerio's that sat with their backs facing her as they giggled again. Quinn rolled her eyes. Sure she had just been a freshman the year before, but she swore she wasn't as obnoxious as this year's new class seemed to be. All of them expected to be at the top of every pyramid. They felt like just because they existed and wore the uniform meant that they deserved every solo, it was beyond annoying.

Quinn focused on what the girl's in front of her were talking about.

"What gives? The bitch misses school for half a week and then comes back in yoga pants and a sweater top?" Cheerio bimbo number 1 said. Quinn frowned and looked at the other one waiting for her reply.

"Right? Her hair isn't even in a ponytail. I know she is Coach's favorite but she better rip her a new one for not dressing out. Being in uniform isn't an option; it's required to be on the team." Bimbo number 2 said back with an ugly snarl.

Quinn felt her breathing intensify. Surely they wouldn't have the audacity to talk about Santana. Not when she was a leader on the team. Bimbo number 1 shook her head, "It's not fair that Santana freakin' Lopez is always singled out and always given all the solos and awesome stunts. It pisses me off."

Quinn snapped her head back at Bimbo number 2, "Her precious star child doesn't look so shining now. I can't wait to watch Coach yell at her...it'll be a nice turn of the tables."

Quinn had had enough. "You two better shut up before you dig yourself a bigger hole." She growled lowly at the two girls. The new Cheerio's turned around with attitude but once they saw that it was Quinn Fabray talking to them their faces instantly fell. They knew they were in trouble. Quinn squinted at the girls and pointed an angry finger at them, "Santana is Coach's favorite because she is the best. She's been doing tricks that you can't even dream of since she was a preteen."

Quinn watched as the two girls' eyes darted towards each other, at her, then down at the back of their chairs. They were nervous. One was biting her lip the other running her hand along the chair's back. Quinn hissed quietly but fiercely, "Your jealousy is dripping all over the floor. Mop it up and don't let it happen again." She sat back in her chair and enjoyed watching the two girls squirm nervously. Quinn launched forward one more time, "And word to the wise: don't trash talk someone when their best friend sits behind you in class. Coach _will_ be hearing about this." She took a deep breath, "That is all. You may turn around now and try to learn something about the Chinese Dynasties." Quinn said with a wave of her hand dismissing the two bimbos from further conversing.

Quinn watched them uneasily turn back around in their seats and pick up their pencils as if they were going to start taking notes. The rest of the class they sat in silence. Quinn couldn't go back to focusing on the school work or the old lady lecturing in the front of the class because the only place her mind was was with her best friend. People were talking. She knew it was inevitable, especially because this high school was known for its gossip, but she wasn't prepared for it. Quinn closed her eyes and made a quick wish, hoping that the gossip would stay away from Santana… at least for this first day. Quinn took a deep breath and picked up her pencil.

Everything will be fine. It's going to be hard…but it will be fine. Eventually.

* * *

Lunch time. I used to love this 45 minute break between classes that allowed time for gossip, food and relaxing with my friends. However, today I'm sitting at our normal lunch table and I am feeling nothing but anxiety and unease. There were so many people stuffed in the cafeteria, was it always this crowded? There were lots of screaming teens that were talking extremely too loud and a lot of sudden noises that were making me jump every other second. I didn't want people to notice, nor did I want to draw any attention to myself so I tried to sit with my hands clasped between my legs and my eyes focused on the red topped table in front of me in order to try my hardest not to jump at every loud clang or yelp.

"San? Are you alright?" Brittany's voice cut through my daze.

I looked up and saw my friend shoving the rest of her slice of pizza in her mouth. She was looking at me with raised eyebrows. Usually at lunch my friends begged me to shut up or to take a breath between my words. Like I said, lunch was one of my favorite times. Today I had barely said one word. I tried to relax my tensed shoulders, but as soon as I did the kid behind me let out a loud howling laugh at something his friend had said, causing me to flinch. I shook my head and forced myself to breathe and look at Brittany. Her eyebrows were now furrowed. I looked next to her at Quinn who was looking at me, silently asking if I was okay.

"I'm just tired Britt, sorry." It was the best I could come up with. I picked up the half eaten apple that sat in front of me and looked at it like it was interesting.

"Oh, okay," Brittany said with a shrug as she opened her bag of Dorito's. I am so grateful that Brittany wasn't that observant. I'm also glad her attention span was always incredibly short. It made things a lot easier, especially now. She shoved a couple chips in her mouth then started talking again, "I have been going to sleep SO early these days. Without my laptop or cellphone there is literally nothing I can do but sleep. I can't wait til I'm not grounded anymore. We definitely should all find a party to crash when my sentence is up."

Quinn looked at Brittany, "Isn't that what got you grounded in the first place Britt?"

The tall blonde shrugged, "No, getting caught is what got me grounded." She smiled then shoved more chips in her mouth.

I was still looking at my half eaten apple, not taking part in the conversation between my friends. "San?" Quinn's voice broke me out of my apple daze.

I looked up at her, "Yea?"

She nodded her head at the apple in my hand and the lunch bag that sat next to me, "You really should eat more than just a few bites of that apple."

I glared at my best friend. Was she really telling me that I should eat? "Quinn, that's the pot calling the kettle black. Don't think I didn't notice you throw away your apple. All you've eaten is half of your PB&J."

Quinn scoffed and waved her hand, "That is beside the point. You haven't even touched your sandwich."

I gawked at her. How was that beside the point? I felt angry. I took a huge bite of my apple, finishing it. After I angrily chewed and swallowed the last bite I slammed the apple down on the table. "There. I ate an entire apple."

Quinn squinted her eyes at me, "Woah, livin' large-"

"You know what Quinn you need to eat more. You have Cheerio's practice later." I snapped back at her. I don't know why I was getting so worked up.

Quinn pointed at me, "You've barely been eating! You need to have energy and you know it, San!"

Brittany reached both of her hands out across the table in between the two of us, "Woah, woah woah!" She looked at me and then at Quinn, "What the hell guys?" I looked at Brittany and then refocused my glare back at Quinn.

How dare she tell me to eat more when I know for a fact that she barely eats too. Her dad has messed with her head so much that she thinks she's fat. She barely ever finishes a meal a day or two after her and her dad get into an argument about weight. It irritates the hell out of me because it means that he is winning. His evil words have started to brain wash her, and it makes me so mad that he gets away with it. I watch as Quinn's huffing heavy breathing begins to slow down. The glare in her eyes softened, I felt mine relax as well.

My eyes darted down at the table again. I know that Quinn wanted me to eat because the fact that I wasn't meant that I was letting _him _win. I wasn't eating because I was thinking about him constantly…and I didn't have an appetite because of it. I wasn't fighting….and Quinn could tell. That was why she got mad. She was right, but so was I….

Brittany cleared her throat again, forcing both of us to look at her, "Ok you both need to simmer down and you both need to eat more...jeez." She rolled her eyes, "I mean I feel like a fatty over here eating my slice of pizza and bag of chips." She brought her hands back to her lunch box.

I rolled my eyes at Brittany, "You aren't fat, Britt."

Brittany pulled her head back and raised her eyebrows, "Oh I know. I am more than happy with my pants size." She pointed her finger at me and then Quinn, "But do you two know that you are like...super skinny? I mean…size 2...come on. Eat your food!" She smiled as she pulled her hand from her lunch box, "And don't mind me as I chow down on my fudge brownie."

I couldn't help but smile at Brittany; she was such an awkward funny girl. My eyes drifted from Brittany to Quinn. When Quinn's eyes met mine they matched my sorrow. She gave me a sad smile as an apology and I gave her one back. We both were a little messed up….and we both knew it, but we were just trying to protect each other from ourselves.

* * *

Ruth walked quickly by Shelby's office towards her door. The blinds were drawn, but she knew her best friend was in there. Shelby had been at her desk the majority of the morning 'catching up on paperwork' which really meant sitting with her head in her hands as she stared off into space. Ruth turned the doorknob and walked into the quiet office, closing the door behind her. She paused when she looked up. Her best friend was asleep with her head on her desk on top of all the piles of folders and paperwork.

Ruth sighed. She couldn't even imagine what Shelby was going through right now. She knew that she felt a million things at once since learning that her god daughter was raped and brutalized, but she knew it was nothing compared to what Shelby had to be feeling. Ruth stepped up closer to her friend's desk and set down the vanilla latte she had bought for her on the edge of her desk.

"Shel?" She asked gently, trying to ease her friend from her slumber. Nothing. "Shel." She watched as her best friend took a deep breath. She tried again, stronger this time, "Shelby?"

Shelby's eyes flickered open. Where was she? She saw a pile of folders in front of her face. She furrowed her eyebrows. What? Then realization set in. Shit! She was at work! Shelby instantly shot up from her desk as she wiped the side of her face and smoothed out her hair. She looked in front of her desk and saw Ruth standing there holding a cup of coffee. She jumped slightly not expecting anyone to be standing there. "I am so sorry. Oh my god, I can't believe I fell asleep. I'm sorry—" She was speaking so quickly.

Ruth cut her off, "Hey, hey, hey Shelby, It's fine. It's okay. You weren't asleep for long." She smiled kindly at her friend and pushed the latte that sat on her desk forward towards her, "I got this for you."

Shelby sighed heavily, "You didn't need to do that." She reached for the coffee regardless and took a long sip. She finally set down the cup and looked at her best friend. She shook her head, "It's not okay. I'm already going to have to be here late tonight…I have so much work to do. I haven't seen a patient in…I don't even know how long. I have so many receipts to go through for the books, not to mention all these files need to be filed away." She pointed to the several piles of folders that crowded her desk before looking back at her friend, "I have to pay the bills and I still have follow up calls for patients that I was supposed to do last week. I have to-"

"Shelby!" Ruth cut Shelby's rant off. When her best friend closed her mouth and focused on her, Ruth continued, "Calm down, take a deep breath. Our practice is fine. Michelle can file all those for you, that is what we hired her for. I finished all the follow up calls that you didn't get to the other day, and I've already started working on the bills. You need to relax." Ruth sighed and sat down on the leather couch that sat on the side of Shelby's office and patted the cushion next to her, signaling Shelby to join her.

Shelby sighed then stood as she grabbed her latte and walked towards the couch and her friend. She sat down and crossed her legs as she took another sip of coffee. "Leaving you to do all this work isn't fair. You've been working incredibly long days, I looked at your time sheet and it is insane Ruth. You've been seeing your patients and mine and….it's just so much to do on its own, let alone add all the paperwork into the mix. I just…I feel bad leaving it all to you, yet here I am passed out nearly drooling on my desk."

Ruth smiled at Shelby and rested her hand on her knee, "I wasn't going to mention the drool." She got a smile from her best friend. She sighed, "Shelby, things have been stressful, yes. Busy? Yes. But I can handle it." She sighed again and then looked into her best friend's eyes. "I….I like staying busy because when I'm busy…I don't have to think about Santana, and you and boo. When I'm busy it keeps my mind busy. When I stop at the end of the night….I just…." She shook her head, "I worry about you constantly since…" She trailed off and looked down at her coffee lid, "I'm so angry with the world right now. How could something like that happen to Santana? I'm worried about her and all I want to do is wrap her in my arms and tell her that she'll be fine…but I know I can't….I just…" She refocused back on her best friend realizing that she couldn't lose it in front of her it wasn't fair to Shelby, "I don't mind all the extra work because I need it to keep my mind at bay." She smiled kindly at her friend, "So don't worry about it. Okay?"

Shelby searched her best friend's eyes. She could see all the hurt and anger that were buried beneath them. She could tell that Ruth wanted to talk about it, but didn't feel like she could. That wasn't fair. Shelby had dropped a huge bomb on her best friend and then hasn't mentioned it since. Shelby sighed. In all honesty she wouldn't mind talking about it. Talking to her best friend always helped her pull herself together for her kids; this time shouldn't be any different. Ruth had always been there for her.

Shelby looked down at her coffee cup. She licked her lips gently, "She won't let me look at it again…and I'm worried. I mean, I'm worried about a million things with her now, but I've been trying to get her to let me look at it again and it's….out of the question. She won't."

"Look at what?" Ruth asked hesitantly.

Shelby scolded herself internally. Use full sentences. She looked at her friend, "Her stomach."

Ruth searched her friend's eyes. She remembered Shelby mentioning the lacerations on Santana's stomach. She hadn't realized it was this bad. Looking at the look in her friend's eyes told her that it was bad. She nodded her head in understanding, urging Shelby to continue. She had no words to say.

Shelby sighed, "I taught her how to put on the ointment and how to wrap it...but she won't let me see it. The cuts were pretty deep...but not deep enough to need stitches..." She felt her eyes water, "I think it might scar, Ruth." Her best friend reached and grabbed her hand tightly causing more tears to flood her eyes, "I think my baby is going to have that word etched into her stomach for the rest of her life because of that monster."

Ruth paused, "That word?"

Shelby looked at her friend and then realized that she hadn't told her all of it. She hadn't had the time, nor had she been able to bring herself to tell her. Now the cat was out of the bag. Shelby wiped her eyes and then grasped her friend's hand again. She felt more tears come forward in her eyes. She nodded her head slowly, "Yea...I..." Shelby bit her lip. "I meant to tell you...I just..." She shook her head and then looked at her friend again who was waiting with wide eyes on the edge of her seat. Shelby couldn't do this to her friend; she decided to just rip the bandaid off quickly rather than to draw this out any longer, "He carved the word, 'whore' into her stomach with a knife."

Tears instantly spring to Ruth's eyes. She gasps and pulls her hand from her best friends as she covers her mouth. "Oh god," She mumbles through her hand. Ruth began to shake her head and close her eyes as she felt the warm tears run down her face. This wasn't what she was expecting in the least. This….this made everything seem worse than it already had appeared…which had seemed impossible merely minutes earlier. "No…" Ruth sobbed into her hand. She felt Shelby take the cup of coffee from her other hand. Ruth buried her head into her hands and cried heavily into them. She could feel Shelby rubbing circles on her back. This detail seemed to knock Ruth from the edge she had been standing on and sent her flying down into a deep dark pit. How could someone do that to another human being? How could someone be that….that disgusting? Especially to such a bright and shining young girl like Santana. Her beautiful god daughter….might have a scar that reads 'whore' for the rest of her life to remind her of the very night that all of them were wishing didn't exist.

After her initial heavy sobs wore down, Ruth remembered that her best friend was sitting next to her. She kicked herself for breaking down in front of Shelby this much. Surely this was not what Shelby needed to deal with. She already had so much on her plate. Ruth wiped her face with her hands and sat up taller. She looked at Shelby who had tear marks down her cheek but was sitting completely composed continuously rubbing soothing circles into Ruth's back. Ruth reached over and pulled her friend into a huge hug. She felt Shelby relax into it and heard her sniffle.

Shelby pushed away from the hug. She couldn't fall apart. She had already done that every night as she lay in her bed waiting for sleep to take her away. Now wasn't the time for another break down. Shelby wiped her face gently and picked their coffee cups up from the ground, handing her friend her cup.

Ruth chewed on her lip after taking a sip of her now lukewarm coffee. "Have you made any progress with her about telling the cops?"

Shelby gently shook her head, "No." She said sadly.

Ruth took a breath, "Have you...have you thought about going to the cops for her? Maybe she just needs a push?"

Shelby tilted her head as she looked at her friend. She understood what her friend was saying, "I've thought about it. She is a minor, and she is my daughter...I want so desperately to march into the nearest police station and tell them what type of lunatic pervert is out running the streets..." She slowly took another breath and shook her head, "but I can't do that to her. She asked me not to and...I don't want to make her do something she doesn't want to do...not again."

Ruth nodded her head slowly, "I understand."

"I'm just...I'm hoping that she comes around to the idea soon. I mean...she wanted to go to school today..." Shelby glanced at her watch to see that the school day was almost nearly over already, "and she hasn't called me yet, so it must be going ok...so that is progress right?" She released a breath, "Maybe sometime soon she'll want to go report it. I... I want that bastard to rot in prison for what he did."

Ruth nodded her head, "Definitely." She agreed wholeheartedly.

Shelby pushed off of the couch and walked towards her desk. Sitting down in her chair, she picked up a pen before she turned to her friend, "I guess we'll just have to wait."

* * *

I leaned up against the wall by the door that leads to my coach's office. I have been here a good five minutes trying to gather up enough strength to walk in and notify her that I won't be attending cheerleading practices anytime soon. I lightly hit my head against the wall. What was I going to say? Sue was a hard ass. Any excuse I come up with she'll make me feel like it isn't good enough, because it won't be. There isn't an excuse that would explain why I would drop out of Cheerio's days before football season starts and months away from our competition season. I take another deep breath. Yup she is going to kill me.

"Lopez are you going to stand outside my office all day or were you planning on coming in at any point? I have things I need to do and listening to you breathe isn't one of them." Sue's voice was loud from her office.

My eyes bulge. How did she know I was standing out here? Shit. This is it. I took another breath and slowly shuffled my feet into her office. Once I turned the corner I saw that Sue was sitting at her desk riffling through paperwork. She looked up at me and took off her glasses as she raised her eyebrows waiting for me to speak.

My eyes dart down towards the ground. All I can do is stand there awkwardly in front of her desk.

Sue sighed then puts down the papers that were in her hand and looked up at me, "You look like you have quite a bit to say, and I only have…" She looked at her watch, "two minutes to listen so go." I looked up at my coach just in time for her to take in my appearance. "Santana, why are you not in uniform? I'm pretty sure that spandex is not part of the dress code. Your house better have caught on fire for you to come to school not dressed out. You know the rules."

I looked back at the ground and started rocking back and forth on my feet. Shit. This was going to suck.

I paused for too long Sue's voice picked up again, "That was a joke. A bad one, yes. But usually I can count on your Latina fiery spirit to give me a good come back. What gives? You look…" She took in my appearance again, "very….un-Lopez like." She crinkled her eyes waiting for my response.

My coach can practically see right through me. I'm awful at this. I knew this conversation was going to be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard. I felt 'un-Lopez like'. I felt so very far away from myself ever since that night, but I need to pull it together. I looked up at Sue again, "I can't…I won't be able to be in the Cheerio's…for a while." I chewed on my lip nervously.

Sue's smirk fell. "Excuse me? Come again? A while? What does that mean?"

I don't know what that means. I don't know why I said that. It isn't that I don't want to cheer anymore. I love cheering. It's been such a huge part of my life for so long…not having it has been…off. However, I can't wear the uniform…not anytime soon. And Honestly, I am not in the mood to cheer others up. I haven't been too cheerful since that night. I haven't even been able to keep a smile on in front of my baby sister…how am I supposed to cheer, smile, dance and tumble for the stupid beef heads on our lousy football team? I sighed, "I won't be able to be on the Cheerio's at least until the end of the semester." I clarified. The end of the semester felt like I was being optimistic, but it was a start.

"You are one of my best cheerleaders. You are just going to quit on us like this?"

"I…" I bit my lip. I didn't have anything to say. "I'm sorry," I shrugged my shoulders.

Sue was looking at me with a face that I couldn't read. She scratched her head, "And may I ask why you are just going to drop out and leave your team…and me… hanging so suddenly? Are you going to at least give me a reason?"

I felt like I went pale. Here was the part I was dreading. My mind is blank. Think. Think. Think. I open my mouth, "I uh...I...um..." I am looking around her office for anything to help me come up with something to say. I can't find anything. Think! I suddenly blurt out, "I have mono." Mono?! Shit! Shit. Shit. Shitty shit shit! I don't know where the hell that lie came from. My eyes instantly dart back to my coach to see if by some miracle she actually believes my random excuse.

Sue's face scrunched up, "The kissing disease?"

I scoffed, "It's hardly a disease…you make it sound like it is the plague."

"Well it might as well be the plague! It is taking you out of commission from cheering for months!" Sue was always one for over dramatizing. "I tried to tell you to stay away from that miscreant you call a boyfriend. Anyone wearing a Mohawk willingly these days is bad news, obviously..."

As Sue continued to talk I couldn't help but look down at my feet, hanging my head from embarrassment and guilt. I didn't have mono, yet she so easily believed me. Was I getting good at lying finally? Was it enough? I never wanted to be this person, yet here I am. Sue was annoyed with me, and I don't blame her. In the past I would have never in a million years dropped out from cheering in the middle of the season. It wasn't right. It was fair, to my teammates or my coach. She is going to have to re-choreograph routines, and switch around placements for stunts. She'll have to audition people again to have my solo's. I feel lousy for doing this to her. I feel lousy for lying to her about it. She deserved to know why I really am bailing on her, but obviously telling her was beyond out of the question; not that I would want to anyway.

Sue's voice brought me back to her office, "Santana, listen." She sighed and gave me a small smile, which was very un-Sue-like. "It happens to the best of us. No need to beat yourself up about it." I hang my head again; she must have seen how dejected I felt. She continued, "What is done is done. Just make sure you keep taking your meds and resting and doing whatever else it is the doctors are saying. There is no reason to look so ashamed with yourself; do you really think I am that heartless? It's just from kissing. I was young once...not too long ago, I might add…."

I zone out again as Coach continues to talk. I can't help but wonder if she would be saying the same thing if she knew the truth. If she knew that I let a man...take advantage of me...on the dirt ground…like I was trash. What speech would she be giving me if she knew the truth rather than thinking I was just sick with mono? Would she think I was pathetic for not being able to overcome him? We train every morning before school, and have practice nearly every day after school. For multiple hours. We do sprints, we work with weights, and sometimes we even do laps in the pool. Not only do we train with anaerobic exercise but our dance routines make our bodies strong with aerobic exercise as well. If she knew what he did to me, would she ask me why I didn't use all my stamina, strength and endurance to fight against him? I shook my head.

"Alright Lopez, your two minutes are up." Coach brought me back to her office again by saying my name. I tried to focus on her again as she continued talking, "I expect you to keep me posted on your condition. Eat an apple a day and all that…stuff. Doctor knows best. That means listen to your mom." She pointed a finger at me playfully from her desk.

I tried to crack a smile at her as best as I could. "Thanks coach," I was able to muster out before I turned and quickly left her office. As I walked down the hallway with a brisk pace, all I could think about was how Sue thought that I was embarrassed because I got a sickness from kissing my boyfriend. I chew on my lip as I walk further away from her office. I can't help but wish that all that was wrong with me was being sick with mono. Mono isn't really embarrassing...not when you compare it to having an orgasm with your rapist.

* * *

I turned the corner and slammed into someone. Papers went flying, books went crashing down and I couldn't help but let out a terrified yelp as I jumped back a good three feet. When I opened my eyes again I saw Quinn bent over retrieving her math book. "Seriously!" She was sighing in frustration before she looked up and met my eyes. Her face immediately changed from frustrated to apologetic. "Well hello there Speedy Gonzalez, where were you running from?"

My eyes started to water. I felt like I was about to lose it. My breath hitched in my chest. My hands were shaking.

Quinn's face fell as she took in my appearance. She hurriedly picked up the last of her papers and was by my side seconds later, "Come on San, you are okay," She whispered to me as she wrapped her free arm around my shoulders and guided me into the bathroom which was only two doors down.

I watched her sit her books down on one of the sinks. She quickly looked underneath every stall and then retrieved a wad of toilet paper from the last one before returning over to where I still stood frozen. She shoved the tissues in my hand and then reached behind me and turned the deadbolt on the bathroom door to keep people from entering. Thankfully no one was in the bathroom already. Quinn walked back towards me and stood directly in front of me as I wiped at my eyes numbly.

I felt so stupid for getting so worked up. I didn't even really have a reason to be this upset right now. It was an uncontrollable urge to cry that overtook my body so suddenly. "I'm sorry…I don't know why…" I trailed off and patted underneath my eyes with the toilet paper some more. I sighed as I took a deep breath to pull myself back together again. Pack it in. "Sorry I ran into you."

Quinn gave me a smirk, "It's fine. Although I am convinced that you are made of bricks."

I tried to smile at her joke, but it didn't seem to work.

Quinn's smirk faded, "Sorry, bad joke." She looked into my eyes, "Where were you coming from walking so fast? Are you okay? Is your stomach…"

I rolled my eyes, "It's fine. I'm fine. It's all…fine." I was short.

Quinn looked at me with a face I couldn't read, "It's okay if you aren't fine you know? This is a big step…you've almost made it through the whole day."

I felt my mouth twitch, "Yea…" I trailed off letting silence settle on the bathroom again. Quinn was still in front of me waiting for my next move. I picked my shoulders up so I was standing taller. I need to stop being such a baby. I need to be okay today because if I can get through today…then maybe I can get through tomorrow too. I sighed, "I talked to coach…told her I wouldn't be cheering for a while…"

Quinn raised her eyebrows at me, "Yea? Is that why you were practically running down the hall?"

I looked at the ground, "Yea…sorta." I looked back up at my best friend and shrugged my shoulders, "I told her I had mono."

Quinn let out a short laugh. "Mono? Where did that come from?"

A small smile played on my lips, "I honestly have no clue…" My smile faded, "But…I mean…it works." My eyes looked down at the ground again, "I obviously wasn't going to tell her what really…happened."

Silence met the bathroom again. Finally Quinn spoke, "Well then it looks like I'll be confirming your sudden diagnosis of mono when coach asks me at practice later." She said with a smile.

I smiled at her thankfully, "Thanks."

She wrapped me in a hug, "Anything for you San." A sudden beep made Quinn pull away from the hug. She looked at me and then picked up her cellphone from the pile of books and papers on the sink. Her brows furrowed, "One missed call from my dad…." She looked up at me, "There is a voicemail."

I nodded my head for her to listen to it. I watched as she slowly brought the phone to her ear to play the message her dad had left. I felt nervous. After the huge scene her dad had made on Saturday night at dinner, I was sure that he wouldn't allow her back home for several more days. Usually the only reason he would call would be to tell her to come back. For some reason this one made me more nervous than normal. I was always on edge around her father, because of everything that I knew. I knew so much about him and his…'parenting styles' while he thought that I was in the dark about everything that went on in his house. It was awkward. Not to mention I always had to fight the urge to punch him and kick him in the balls every time I saw him.

I watched my friend slowly pull the phone away from her ear and disconnect the call. I raised my eyebrows at her. She met my eyes, "He uh…was calling to tell me that I must come directly home after cheer practice today. Apparently we 'have a few things we need to discuss about my behavior from Saturday evening'…."

I took a breath, "So…you aren't going to be coming over again tonight?"

She had a far off look in her eyes, "I guess not…"

I bent down to catch her gaze; it was my turn to be worried about her. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head quickly in order to bring herself out of her daze, "Yea….yea I'm…I'm fine." She cleared her throat and stood up taller as she refocused on me, "I guess I'm allowed home again. I'm fine."

I continued to look at her suspiciously. "It's okay if you aren't fine you know?" I quoted Quinn from earlier.

She caught on to my quoting of her and a small smile found her face. "Yea yea yea…" She sighed again, "No but really, it's fine. I'll call you if I need you or anything," I gave her a look, "I promise," She added.

Her promise made me feel a little bit better. When Quinn promised something she stuck by it. Always. She never broke a promise. So her promising to call me if anything crazy came up…made me feel more at ease. One of my biggest fears was her hiding things from me that she thought weren't 'that bad'. Because whenever something applied to herself…she always crosses it out, or downplays it to make it sound like it isn't that bad. But if that same something were happening to anyone else, she would lose her shit and battle it out.

Quinn slowly turned and looked at the pile of books and papers that she had set on the sink previously. "Shit. I gotta go. Ms. Duncan wanted me to go make copies of this homework handout before the end of the period." I watched her roll her eyes, "I hate being a stupid Teacher's Assistant...and of course I got assigned to the biggest bitch of them all. How did you luck out and get a free period when I got stuck being someone's bitch?"

Her last statement made me laugh. "Go get those copies before Duncan kills you." I said to my friend.

She quickly pulled me into a hug, "I'll call you later, or you call me. Love you!" She walked towards the door with her pile of crap in her hands, "Only one more class to go!" She smiled at me before I watched her walk out of the bathroom door.

Only one more hour and I will have made it through an entire day of school. A small smile tugged on my lips. I've almost done it. Maybe I've gotten some of my strength back. No one has asked about my absences too deeply, and no one has asked me about any of my injuries...maybe being invisible is easier than I thought it would be.

* * *

I was sitting outside of my sister's school. I had made it through the day. Sitting in my quiet locked car gave me a chance to try to pull myself together before my sister came running out to the car. I used to hate waiting in this long line to pick up Rachel from school, but now it was almost welcomed. I knew my mom was at work, but I had to hear her voice. I retrieved my cellphone from my backpack and dialed the familiar number.

My mom answered immediately after the first ring, "San, is everything okay?" She spoke quickly into the phone.

I sighed, "Yea mom…I…I was just calling to say 'hi'. I…made it through the day; I'm at Rachel's school...waiting for the bell to ring."

My mom released a breath that I'm sure she didn't realize she was holding, "Oh hunny you don't have to do that, I can have Ruth go get her, why don't you go ahead and head home."

I shook my head as I held my phone to my ear, "No…mom. It's fine...I'm fine…" I looked out my window at the line of cars that sat ahead of me.

My mom hesitated, "If you are absolutely sure?"

I nodded my head, and then realized she couldn't see me so I cleared my voice. "I am. I…I want to pick her up….I...I want to spend some sister time together." It was true. After Sunday: doing the craft with Rachel and laughing with her at Sunday Dinner, it made me regret pushing her away like I have been doing all week.

I could hear the smile in my mom's voice, "Okay baby. Thank you so much." She paused, "How did school go? You made it through the whole day."

I chewed my lip nervously, "Yea…it went…it was fine. I…I uh, I told coach that I wouldn't be cheering for a while…" I trailed off. For some reason I felt like I had to tell my mom about this aspect of my day.

My mom waited for me to continue, but when I didn't she spoke again, "How did that go?"

I gave a deep sigh and leaned my head against my car window, "I…I lied…" I grasped the phone tightly in my hand. My voice lowered to just above a whisper, "I said I had mono…"

"Mono?" My mom asked shocked. I think that she thought she might have heard me wrong.

I shrugged my shoulders as I continued to sit in my car, "Yea, I don't know why I said that… it was like verbal vomit so I couldn't take it back once it was said…" I trailed off waiting for my mom's response. I was all of a sudden nervous that my mom would be mad at me for lying about being sick with Mono… but it wasn't like I had planned on it, and it wasn't like I could actually say what had been going on in my life…she had to know that.

My mom finally spoke, "Okay….okay." Her voice wasn't mad, much to my surprise. It sounded defeated. She must have realized that there wasn't anything else I could have said. I chewed my lip some more as I waited for my mom to speak again. The silence was killing me. I looked out of the window again, the bell still hadn't rang yet, there still weren't any kids running to the cars. I looked at my dash board; Rachel would be out of school in five minutes. I was met by more silence. Finally my mom breathed again, "When will Quinn be done with practice? Around 5pm?"

The sudden change in conversation caught me off guard. I welcomed it as a sign that I wouldn't be getting in trouble for lying about being sick. I paused my thoughts for a minute and remembered my mother's question. I thought back to the bathroom earlier in the day. Quinn had received a voicemail from her dad telling her to come immediately home after school. There had been a look in her eyes…the same scared look she wore a lot when she thought no one was watching.

My voice was quiet, "Yea…practice is let out at 5 on Mondays…" I trailed off and took a breath before continuing, "but she isn't coming over tonight."

My mom's voice was surprised, "She's not? Her father called?" I know that she was just as shocked by the fact that he had called and allowed her home this soon as I was. I could tell in her voice.

My mind trailed back to the look on Quinn's face in the bathroom earlier that day again. My mind started to wander to all the times I had seen that look on Quinn's face. I remembered the welts and the bruises I had seen more than once. I remembered all the times she had cried to me silently begging me not to tell my mother. She always promised that it was worse than it looked, but as the years went on I started questioning more and more. Quinn had told my mom about my secret…and although I had begged her not to for my own reasons, in this moment I understand why she did.

I slowly opened my mouth, "Uh…yea he called." I paused. There was an awkward silence that rang on both sides of the phone call. All of a sudden I felt incredibly nervous, "Mom?"

"Yea San?" My mom said casually.

I took a deep breath. I had to do this. "I…I need to tell you something…." I trailed off. I didn't know where I should start, or what to say. My mom's breathing froze on the other line. She waited for me to start speaking. She could tell by my voice that whatever I wanted to tell her wasn't going to be good. I shook my head, "I should have told you years ago, but I….she didn't want me to…"

My mom cut me off, "Is everything okay with Quinn?"

That question was like a loaded gun, and I didn't know how to answer it honestly. I felt like I had been lying for so long that it felt so strange to even think about telling my mom the truth, but I knew now that it had to be done. Her dad had spanked her this past Friday, it was still happening, after all these years. Along with all the verbal abuse, something had to be done.

I sighed, "No…not really mom. I mean…I don't know. I'm just…I'm worried about her."

"I understand Santana. I worry about her too, constantly."

My mom was about to worry even more. I opened my mouth, "She didn't want me to ever tell you…but I think…I think it is the right thing to do."

My mom's voice was quiet, "You can tell me anything Santana." I could tell she was extremely nervous.

Here I go, "I know…it's just like…I didn't know if it was normal or not, for years. I mean…you don't do it to me or Rachel…but I've heard of it before, obviously. But then there was one time….and then there have been multiple times since then….and it still happens, but not as bad all the time-"

My mom cut me off mid-ramble, "San, slow down. You aren't making any sense. You didn't know if what was normal?"

I shook my head, "Quinn is going to be so mad," I whispered into the phone.

My mom's voice rang out confidently, "Santana, sometimes coming to an adult isn't betrayal it's the right thing to do."

"Her dad spanks her." I blurted out suddenly, cringing as it seemed to ring in the air.

I could hear my mom gasp slightly, "Spanks her?"

My palm was sweating with how hard I had been grasping my cellphone. "I mean…some parents spank their children….I get that…"

My mom cut me off, "he still spanks her?" She repeated.

I sighed, "Yea…it's…it's been happening for years. I found out when we were like 13 that it's happened her whole life… and she just told me that it happened again the other night. It's…it is kind of a regular thing. After he yells…he spanks her. That.…that isn't normal right?"

My mom paused, "No sweetie. It is not. She is 16 years old…far too old for a spanking…." My mother's voice sounded off, sad maybe? Frustrated, confused, angry? I couldn't tell which emotion it was or if it was all of them.

"I….that's not it…." I trailed off.

I heard my mother take in a deep breath, "Okay…" She was waiting for me to continue.

"He uses…he uses a belt…and there have been times….there are times where Quinn….she has welts a-a-and bruises."

"Wh…what?" My mom's voice sounded like someone punched her in the stomach.

I nodded my head into my phone as tears surfaced in my eyes, "It has been bad more than a couple of times, Mama."

My mom could hear my voice cracking, "Oh baby….I had….I had no idea..."

"I know…she wanted it that way…" I sucked the tears back into my eyes. I couldn't cry. This wasn't the time for crying. Rachel would be running out to my car any minute now. "Mom? What are we going to do?"

After a short pause my mom finally answered, "I…I will take care of it, San. Don't worry yourself over this okay? I will…I will handle it." She paused, "I just want you to concentrate on getting your sister and maybe going through a drive thru for dinner somewhere?" She sighed heavily. I felt a twinge of guilt. I shouldn't have dropped this bomb on her while she was at work. My mom continued, "I need…I'm not going to be here too late, but I won't make it home in time for dinner. But I'll…I'll handle Quinn's situation okay? Just…try to enjoy the time with your sister. Catch up on homework okay?"

I looked at the school, I didn't have time to object to my mother because children were starting to swarm out of the gates, "Okay mom…" I paused as I watched the kids walk to their individual rides home. "Mom?"

"Yes baby?"

I sighed as I spotted Rachel leaving the school. I watched her see my car and start walking towards it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier…" I breathed into the phone.

My mother shushed me, "I know. This isn't your fault. This isn't Quinn's fault. This is Russell's fault. Russell and Judy. I will take care of it. I love you Santana. Tell Rachel I love her too. Use my credit card for dinner; I don't want you wasting your money."

I sighed as Rachel was now just steps from my car. "Okay...I'll see you later. Love you."

I hung up the phone quickly and plastered a smile on my face preparing for Rachel to enter my car. I didn't want to focus on everything negative…all the things that she is far too little to understand. All the things I never want her to understand. I wanted to just try to have a normal day with my sister, and with this fake smile…maybe I can convince myself that things can be normal, if I try hard enough.

* * *

Quinn just finished practice. Sue really worked them hard today, she felt like she was going to be a puddle on the floor in about five minutes. She picked up her duffel bag and fished her keys out of it. It was time to go face her father. Quinn couldn't help but sigh heavily. She was already so exhausted from this day…and she knew that her night was going to be another long one….it made walking to her car that much harder.

Once she got to her car the blonde leaned against it. She just wanted to stay here: in this moment. This break between the killer practice from hell and the hellish wrath she knew was waiting at home. Her phone beeped. One beep? It means there is a voicemail.

Quinn pulled her phone from her duffle. Maybe San called? She flipped open her phone. One missed call: Mama Lopez. Quinn's brows furrowed. Why had Shelby called? She quickly hit the green button and held her phone close against her ear. Shelby's soft voice rang through.

"_Hi Quinn, It's Mama Lopez." She paused. "I just got off the phone with Santana and sweetie…we need to talk. I think it might be best if you come stay with us on a more…permanent basis. I've called your mother and spoke to her on the phone already. I am prepared to come speak with your father face to face, tomorrow night after I get home from work. Your mother thought it might be best that we don't tell him until I am there tomorrow with her and you, so he doesn't know. I just need to know that you are completely safe and happy and the only way I know how to do that is having you stay with us. I love you so much Quinn, I want you to know that. Give me a call if you need me, as always, or else I will see you tomorrow after school. Love you baby."_

Quinn slowly lowered her phone in a daze. She stared at her phone with wide eyes. What just happened? Shelby had talked to her mom? What did San tell her? She felt like her stomach was in her throat. Her legs buckled, unable to support her body anymore and she slid down her car to the cement. She hadn't realized her thought minutes earlier about becoming a puddle on the floor would be so accurate.

Quinn felt tears in her eyes. She never wanted Mama Lopez to know about her secret life, and now not only does she know how big of a slut she was...but she also was proposing that she come stay with them on a more 'permanent basis'? What does that even mean? Move in with them? She shook her head as the tears fell angrily down her cheeks. What had Santana told her? The blonde lightly hit her head against her car. If Mama Lopez was being as drastic as insisting that she come live with them...then Santana must have told her about the welts or the bruises or the belt... really there could be so many things, there was plenty of options to choose from, and Santana knew them all.

Quinn took a deep breath and looked at the time on her phone. Shit. She didn't have time to sit here as a puddle on the ground. If she didn't get home quickly then her dad's wrath would be that much worse. Shit. Her mind was racing. Shelby knew? She had spoken to her mom? She was coming over tomorrow night to talk to her dad? Quinn felt nauseous. She was nervous for Shelby. She didn't ever want anyone to try to talk to her father because...it never went well. Quinn's mind drifted back to when Rachel showed up unannounced. He had been so horrible to the eight year old; nothing would stop him from being worse to an adult. She chewed her lip thinking of all the possibilities of the things that could go wrong with Shelby coming to talk to her father tomorrow night. All Quinn knew for sure was that it wasn't going to end well.

The blonde looked at the time again. Double Shit. She really had to get going. She forced herself up onto her legs and wiped at her face. She didn't have time for this. She wanted to call her best friend and ask her why after all these years she felt the need now to tell her mother things about her home life...but she couldn't bring herself to dial Santana's number. As Quinn sat in her car and sped from the school parking lot she thought about it all. She had told Mama Lopez about Santana's secret...but the secret was too big for Santana to hold on her own. She had told Shelby in order to help Santana...

Quinn knew that that is what her best friend thought she was doing by telling Shelby. She shook her head as she sped home. Quinn didn't feel like she needed help. Sure, it sucked. Sure, she wished things were different...but missing a couple cheer practices because of a tender bottom wasn't the worst thing that was happening in the world. She didn't need help, but now, tomorrow night, Mama Lopez was going to come to her parent's house because they all felt like she did. This was going to be bad. She had a feeling, and she knew her father... this was not going to go over well with him, not in the least.

* * *

It has been nearly two hours since I had arrived back home with Rachel. Rachel talked my ear off about the things she was learning all the way home from her school, which I was thankful for. Her constant chatter was enough to distract me from the fact that I just had told my best friend's biggest secret to my mother. Thinking about it made my stomach twist into knots, so I'd much rather pretend that I didn't breach Quinn's trust and listen to Rachel ramble on about how her cursive writing is the best in the class instead. With Rachel talking nonstop it also reminded me of how things were before any of….this happened. It felt…almost normal. I was thankful for that too. Not only had I made it through a day of school but my little sister was acting more like herself around me too. It was like she forgot how angry and mean I had been to her days before. Things were slowly but surely getting back on track. Sure I still had a long way to go. I had made it through the day at school but my muscles were already sore from clenching them nervously throughout the day to every unexpected touch or loud noise. I knew it was going to take a while for me to be comfortable being outside of my house again, but I tried not to focus on that. I tried to remain positive and focus on what I had accomplished that day. Seven hours at my crowded high school. I made it. I had only cried on two separate occasions…and even though on the surface I feel pathetic for crying at all…deep down I felt proud of myself for staying the entire day without running from the halls screaming.

I had driven the two of us through McDonald's for dinner, much to my sister's disdain, and we both sat at the kitchen island together as we ate. We both had already showered and changed into our bed clothes, and now I sat quietly on the downstairs couch staring at my math homework while my sister was up in her room playing unobtrusively. Even with a quiet house I was finding it extremely difficult to work on any of my missed assignments. My brain just couldn't seem to stay focused long enough to get through a single problem, and there was so much work to do. I looked over next to me on the couch. My English book and Chemistry book sat next to my opened Algebra textbook. The amount of work that I had to make up seemed quite daunting, and was adding to my anxiety about ever being able to finish it all.

I turned my head back to my math worksheet and picked up my pencil. "Focus," I told myself. One step at a time. A sudden knock at my front door forced me to look away from my worksheet again. This homework was never going to get done. I looked in the direction of the front door. I stood up quickly, but gently, from my couch and made my way out of the family room. Quinn was probably standing outside my front door. My mother had said she would call Judy... my heart rate increased, had I made things worse for Quinn by telling my mom? I felt my stomach churn at the thought. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if her dad had punished her for my big mouth. I glanced at my phone. I didn't have any missed calls, which was weird. I looked at the time, it wasn't too late, but if her father kicked her out Quinn might not have had any time to call. Right? I set my phone down on the end table as I passed it, now walking down the hallway

As I walked towards the stairs I saw Rachel coming down them. I stopped and looked at my little sister, "Go back to your room, boo. It's Quinn and we need to talk for a little….just the two of us, okay?"

I watched as my little sister slowly nodded her head before turning around and heading back up the stairs. I paused. Once I finally heard her bedroom door shut completely, I continued to walk towards the front door. My palms were sweaty. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to my best friend. This was going to be messy.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks, as always, for reading. It is so great that so many of you are continuing to stick by my story. I appreciate it so much. Reviews are loved.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Anon123, Marti, amandaes417, banjojd, cooookiemonster, Alese222 and the two Guests...thank you so kindly for your reviews. It is so great to see your feedback, and I love all the 'guesses' as to what will come next... let's see if any of you are right shall we?**

**This chapter may contain triggers. Please read with caution. Thank you all for continuing to read...please let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 13**

The doorbell rang again, making me pause mid-step. Quinn wouldn't ring the doorbell more than once, it wasn't like her. My heart started beating rapidly in my chest, I cautiously continued to walk towards the door, closing the distance between me and the slab of oak. The doorbell rang a third time only this time with more vigor. I immediately stopped moving and quickly looked over my shoulder up the stairs to see that my sister hadn't emerged from her room again. Suddenly the person starts knocking on the front door…loudly. A handful of loud angry knocks. I snap my head back towards the door realizing for the first time that I am an arm's length away from it now. This isn't right. Quinn isn't the one who is behind the door. My heart is pounding so loudly I can hear it ringing in my ears. Then I hear his voice as the doorbell rings constantly, "Santana." He is saying my name in a sing song voice. "Santanaaaaaaa open uuuuup!"

Everything goes silent abruptly. I am frozen in place, holding my breath. He is standing outside my front door, not even 3 feet away from me again. My mom isn't home. Rachel is upstairs in her room. "Santana. Let me IN!" With the last word a harsh thud shook the door making me squeal and jump backwards. His laugh followed, "There you are. Open the door, my little whore. I have something I need to discuss with you."

I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. Tears were already running down my face. I brought my shaky hands up to brush them from my cheeks, "G-g-go away." I managed to stutter out.

He rang the doorbell two more times in response. After a moment of silence he spoke through the door again, "Santana, Santana. I'm not going anywhere. Either you let me in now, or I will wait until your mom comes home and get her to let me in. You know that I know how to get what I want."

I reach my hand out to the wall to steady myself before I fall over. It felt like all the wind was knocked out of me. He wouldn't hesitate to hurt my mom, I can't do that to her. But Rachel is home, I can't risk her getting hurt because of me either. I don't know what to do. What do I do? I'm frozen.

He pounds on the door one more time, "Fine! I'll wait for her. You chose this remember. I can't wait to see if your mother is anything like you are. I'll take her right here on this lovely front porch. You think she is a screamer too?"

I don't know what took over me but it was like I was watching from outside my body as it yelled, "No!" and threw the front door open in a flash. I was standing face to face with my attacker. The surge of energy instantly left my body and I was left shivering in the doorway to my house as he breathed his hot breath on my face. "I-I-I…"

He suddenly shoved me inside knocking me backwards onto the floor as he entered my house and slammed the door shut. "You are such a little WHORE. You know that?!" I couldn't respond, I coward beneath him on the ground, unable to move. He walked further into my house, stopping to look at all the pictures my mom had hanging in nice frames along the hallway wall. He took one of the frames from the wall and raised it above his head before sending it crashing down to the floor. "I can't believe you made me WAIT!" He kicked the broken frame and the broken glass along the ground before continuing, "I am not the type of person to ask nicely. I did, and look how you treated me! You BITCH!" He grabbed two more frames and threw them on the ground sending shards of glass towards where I still laid in shock and fear. "When I say, 'let me in your house'….you let me in your FUCKING house! Not in 10 minutes, not in 30 minutes… IMMEDIATELY!" He grabbed a few more frames off the wall and shattered them like he had done previously.

Glass surrounded me and littered the hallway. I was flinching on the ground with every crash and every loud yell; there wasn't anything else I was able to do. It was like my mind shut off; I was too scared to even move. Suddenly his shoes were near my face and I felt his hands clamp tightly around my forearms. He yanked me up to a standing position in one swift movement, bringing his face inches from mine. "You are my little whore, and now you are going to pay your dues."

Tears instantly stung at my eyes and I began to shake my head as I tried to twist my arms free from his grasp with no luck. Pay my dues? His last words were echoing around the hallway and in my head.

He pushed me away suddenly and roughly into the hallway wall. My head hit one of the only picture frames that were left hanging on the wall. I hear it crash down and shatter onto the wooden floor, joining all the others. I blink my eyes a few times to steady my vision and stop it from blacking out; I'm grabbing the wall for support. That is when I notice him moving quickly up my stairs towards the bedrooms. Towards Rachel's room.

"No!" I find my strength again and rush after him, willing my legs to move faster and pushing the pain in my body aside, I had to get to my baby sister before he did. He rushed passed Quinn's room and my room and headed straight for the end of the hallway…where Rachel's closed door was. I could see the light shining from underneath her bedroom door, she was in there. My heart was already pounding in my throat. He was ahead of me turning her door knob and swinging her door open just as I was making it to the top of the stairs. Everything was happening in slow motion.

"Come out come out, wherever you are, Chiquita," His voice rings off the walls as he stepped into Rachel's room. I give everything I have left in me to run down the hallway and into her room, right behind him. I rest my hand on the door knob to hold up my body and look over the room in a panic as I catch my breath. My brows furrow instantly. He is standing in the middle of the room and there is no Rachel in sight. My eyes grow wide as he bends down to look under her bed. They instantly relax a second later when he shoots back up to a standing position and spins to face me at the entrance to her room. She wasn't under the bed. I released a breath, but the next one hitched instantly in my chest.

I watched in complete horror as he turned his head and looked at my sister's closed closet. He turned and flashed his evil smile at me, showing off his gold tooth again, and then turned back towards the closet. "NO!" I pushed forward towards him as he was swinging open her closet doors. He swatted around at her clothes and looked at the floor: nothing. I was standing directly behind him when he instantly spun around and grabbed me by my upper arms like he had done minutes ago down stairs.

"Where is she?!" He screamed into my face. I couldn't help but wince and try to pull away from his face, which only made him angrier. "Where the fuck is she?!" He screamed again, this time shaking me with every word. I had no clue where Rachel was. She had been in her room playing, or doing homework or doing whatever it is that Rachel did, and now she wasn't here. She wasn't here. Thank god. A harsh smack to my cheek sent me flying towards the ground, bringing me out of my short lived daze. His screams boomed through my little sister's room as he stood over me, "You think you are SO smart. You little bitch!" He spit and it landed on my face, I was too petrified to wipe it off as he continued to yell, "When I ask you a question: you answer!"

I covered my face with my forearms and let out a scream as he quickly got on top of me. He had a knee on both sides of my body, straddling me, holding me down to the floor underneath him again. I felt like I was about to relive the worst night of my life again…only this time it would be on my kid sister's carpeted floor. It hadn't even been a full week since his last attack and now I was going to have to relive it? I started screaming and pleading behind my forearms as he continued to sit on top of me. He grabbed my wrists and brought them above my head, holding them both in one hand much like he had done that night. "Please!" I manage to squeak out before sobs take over my body. I don't hear what he is saying as he sits over me, holding my arms above my head, leaving me defenseless. I don't hear him laughing and taunting me. I just keep crying heavily and shaking my head side to side trying to get away from this moment. A sharp searing pain in my stomach brings me back and my eyes shoot open as I wail out in pain. His face is right above mine, his gold tooth shining in the light of Rachel's room, and his eerie smile is inches from my mouth. He had his free hand pressing down on my stomach. He was pressing down on the healing wounds he had inflicted less than a week ago. The shooting pain was coming from him twisting his fist into my marked title he left me with: Whore. I gasped for breath and screamed even louder than before as I felt my scabs cracking and opening and my skin tearing again. It felt like he was stabbing me, only there was no knife in his hands.

Finally he stopped and brought his free hand to grab my chin harshly forcing me to focus on his face that is still inches from mine again. My eyes are clouded with tears but I force myself to pay attention to the monster on top of me. "I told you what would happen if you told anyone didn't I?" I closed my eyes for a second. How did he know that I told my mom or Quinn? How did he figure it out? "Didn't I?!" He grabbed my chin harder, pressing his fingers into my cheeks, which made my eyes snap open again.

"Y-Y-Yes," I managed to stutter out.

He released my chin and ripped open my shirt in one swift movement with his free hand, exposing my bra. He grabbed my breast in his large hand and fumbled his hand over it as he began to chuckle. "We had so much fun didn't we? It's been so hard to stay away."

All I could do in response was cry. I felt his hand release my breast and go back to grabbing my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. Suddenly his mouth was on mine. His tongue forced its way into my mouth and was exploring my tongue and cheeks. My eyes flew open and I tried as hard as I could to free my hands that were still being forced to the ground above my head. The taste of him in my mouth was making me gag. I was sobbing as he probed my mouth sloppily with his. I couldn't shake my head free as he was holding my face in place tightly with his hand. He released my mouth and started nibbling on my ear. He released my face from his grasp and returned to groping my breast again. I turned my head to the side and cried as he continues to plant kisses along the side of my face and work down my neck.

"Remember how much you liked it last time?" His voice was in my ear as he nibbled on my earlobe again. I felt his hand travel down to my sweatpants. It stopped between my thighs. He used his leg to spread my legs further apart as he began to rub my core over the material. He pulled away from my ear and looked at me with a satisfying grin on his face as he began to rub over my sweatpants more intensely. He kept my hands pinned over my head as I writhed underneath him trying my hardest to move away from the unwanted touch. His fingers worked even faster in between my thighs, finally the tingling sensation started again in my lower stomach.

"No…please…no," My voice was raspy as my breathing intensified from the building sensation in my stomach. I have resorted to begging again. It didn't work last time, but I was in too much pain and too scared to do anything else. "Stop…. Please…"

He was smiling down at me as he watched my face and felt my panting. He was enjoying my flushed face, his eyes were full of lust.

Suddenly I felt him collapse on top of me. The air was forced quickly out of my lungs, leaving me coughing gasping for air to replenish them. He regained his balance and sat up on his knees again. "Get off my sister!" My baby sister's voice rang out in the room causing my heart to skip a few beats.

I watched in complete horror as my little sister screamed at him again, "Stop it!" She stretched her hands out again and pushed at him a second time before she took a step backwards. I snapped my eyes back to my attacker and found myself unable to breathe as his face brightened up, his creepy smile taking over his whole face as he stared at Rachel.

"Look who came to join us." He said in a monotone voice as he wiggled his eyebrows.

He started to shift his weight. Everything was in slow motion again. I weakly grabbed onto his white shirt trying my best to keep him on top of me as I found my voice, "No. Nonononono. No!" He didn't take his eyes off my sister as he tore my hands from his shirt and stood up slowly turning to face her. I immediately switched my eyes back towards Rachel. She was grabbing the portable house phone from my room in her hands, holding it closely into her chest as she began to slowly back away from him. She moved slowly. Every time he took a step she took one in the opposite direction until she was almost in her doorway to her bedroom. She was shaking, her eyes never left his and his didn't leave hers. I was about to try to sit up when the faint sound of sirens filled the room. Everyone paused. It was dead silent in the room. I took these seconds to try to sit up, unsuccessfully. My stomach was in so much pain I couldn't move.

The sirens were growing louder. He turned and looked down at me with a confused glance and then looked back at my sister. That is when it clicked. I refocused on the home phone clutched in Rachel's shaking hands. The sirens were growing louder. He let out a loud frustrated groan, "You little BITCH!" He marched up to my sister before I could even blink, grabbed her shoulders and pushed her up against the wall with a thud. My sister let out a squeal as he brought her forward and slammed her into the wall again. "You called the fucking cops?!"

I was petrified. I couldn't bring myself to move. He had my kid sister pressed up against the wall and I couldn't do anything. I watched as Rachel held the phone out towards him and said with a shaky breath, "W-want to t-t-talk to them?"

He threw his head back and let out a roar, still clutching Rachel in his hands. She let out another squeal; I finally found my voice and screamed for him to stop, to leave her alone. The sirens were getting much closer. He suddenly threw my sister into her bedroom door, reached his hand up and quickly brought it back down, back handing her across her face. The slap echoed off the walls. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Rachel!" I cried out as she hit the ground with a thud and instantly put her hand on her cheek. He punched the door and ran out of the room and down the stairs as the sirens grew even louder. The front door slammed against the wall, letting me know he flew it open and had probably taken off without bothering to close it.

Rachel started crying as she sat up and looked at me cradling her cheek. Tears flowed down my cheeks again. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and turned onto my side, trying to steady my breathing. "Baby, I-I-I am so s-sorry," I cried out as I watched her panicked eyes look towards the direction he just ran and back again at my disheveled form. My shirt was torn, my bra was out, my stomach was throbbing, his saliva was all over my face and the tingling sensation between my legs was slowly dying down. I closed my eyes and let my head relax to the ground.

Rachel slowly crawled over to me. "Sanny?"

I could hear her. I just couldn't find the strength to open my eyes and look at her. I couldn't bring myself to see her red cheek, or to see the look in her eyes as she looked at me all torn up on her bedroom floor. I caused all of this. This is my entire fault. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry," I kept repeating.

My little sister gently set her hand on my shoulder and somehow managed to wiggle her way under my arm lying on her side in front of me. All I could do was wrap my arms around her, hold her and lay as the big spoon, pressing my body into the back of hers.

This is exactly how the cops found us when they entered my house and came up to Rachel's room.

* * *

Somehow I was now sitting on my sister's bed. Everything felt like it was happening in warp speed around me and I was just stuck frozen in the same place. My little sister was sitting on her bed next to me. There was a female cop sitting in a chair that she pulled from Rachel's desk, in front of me. There were a lot of voices downstairs and I could hear cameras snapping and glass being swept up. The cop in front of me was talking, but I wasn't able to focus on the words coming out of her mouth.

My mind was elsewhere. My sister just walked in on him… on top of me…with his hand between my thighs… The thought makes me nauseous. "Santana?" I shake my head and focus my eyes on the cop in front of me. "There you are." The cop smiled genuinely at me. She had short blonde hair, crystal blue eyes and rosy cheeks. She was dressed in her full navy police uniform which was quite the contrast against her fair skin. She sat with an open notepad and pen in her hands. I couldn't return her smile; I couldn't find the strength in me. "My name is Detective Erin White. I'm here to talk to you about what happened here tonight."

"My sister has to change first." My sister's voice rang out next to me. I looked over at her numbly and saw that she was looking directly at the cop. "You have to wait so she can change clothes." I looked down at myself, taking in my appearance. My shirt was ripped open, my purple bra completely exposed and disheveled. My shirt had some blood on it from my stomach which I could feel pulsing with pain. My sweatpants were twisted. I shook my head, I look like a mess. I don't want my sister looking at me while I am in this condition, but I don't have any strength to fix any of it. I can't believe this is my life.

I heard Detective White's voice respond in an easy gentle tone, "Rachel, we need to talk to your sister before she changes her clothes."

"What? No. Sh-Sh-She…her shirt…it's ripped. She needs to put on a new one." My sister was trying so hard to stay strong; I could hear it in her voice. She started to breathe heavier, "She doesn't know you. She needs a new shirt to cover her." I could hear that she was crying now. I continued to look down at my hands. There were bruises on my wrists again. Were they new or were they just brought back out from the last time by this…new time?

Detective White responded quickly, "I know this must be scary for you Rachel, but we need her to be in the clothes she is in to help catch the guy who did this."

Rachel started crying heavily now, "B-b-but why? Why can't she change?"

I looked over at my baby sister. My heart felt like it ripped in my chest. Looking at her was so hard to do right now. Thinking about what she saw…knowing that she could have been hurt all because of me, it all broke my heart and made me feel so guilty. Nonetheless, my sister needed me. She was sitting next to me sticking up for me the only way she knew how and here I was zoning out. It wasn't fair. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly causing Rachel to look at me. Her eyes pierced mine. She had so much sadness and confusion in her them; it caused more tears to roll down my cheeks.

I cleared my voice, "Rachel…shh…it...it's okay. Go with the lady and wait for mom ok?"

My sister's eyes clouded with more tears. Her eyebrows furrowed as she shook her head quickly, "What? No. I can't…I can't leave you. I don't want to be alone...I…please don't make me leave." Her breathing was really heavy, "Please?" She begged.

Tears continued to fall down my face. I didn't know how to be strong in front of her anymore. I didn't know how I was going to keep myself together long enough to pretend that everything was ok. I didn't want her in the room, but at the same time I didn't want her out of my sight. She is my baby sister. "Ok, ok ok...shh. Ok…come here."

I motioned for my sister to scoot closer to me. She didn't need to be told twice, she was instantly pressed up against my side. She wrapped her arms around my left arm, in a hug, and rested the side of her face on my upper arm. She was breathing heavily and trembling slightly. There was a moment of silence before both of us looked at Detective White again. She was sitting patiently in the chair with her note pad ready. She caught my eye, so I nodded my head slowly and uneasily for her to start whatever it is she needed to start.

She gave me a sad smile and then cleared her voice, "We have contacted your mother, and she is already on her way." I nodded my head, showing that I understood. She continued, "Can you tell me what happened?"

My breath caught in my throat. I didn't know what questions the cop would ask but I felt dumb for not expecting the obvious ones to be asked. I knew they would come up, but hearing them versus imagining them is much different. It is real. All of this is real. I used my free hand to wipe my face of tears and bit my lip to keep it from trembling. I looked down at the top of my sister's head and aimlessly start running my hand through her thick beautiful hair, before I look back up at the detective.

"I…um…" I cleared my throat, hoping my voice sounded stronger the next time I tried to talk. "He came in through the front door…he was screaming and breaking our pictures…" I took another deep breath and continued to run my hand through Rachel's hair. "Then he came up here…I thought…I thought Rachel was in here…um…t-t-then…he pushed me down…" I drew in a shaky breath as my eyes began to water again. The thought of all of this was too much. Saying it out loud made it that much more real. I looked down at the top of Rachel's head again; I couldn't say what happened with her in the room. I couldn't let my baby sister know what he was doing. She saw…she saw and that was enough. I shook my head, "Then we heard the sirens…he took off running."

Detective White looked at me with a look that said, 'Is there anything else you want to add?' She obviously knew that huge chunks of the story were missing. When I didn't continue she gave me a weak smile and then looked down at her nearly blank notepad. She looked back up at me, "Ok, let's start with this: what is his name?"

My breath hitches in my throat again. This question really caught me off guard. The man who...took my virginity…who threatened my mom and sister, the man who busted his way into my house and started attacking me...again…was just a face to me. I didn't know his name. My tears continued to roll down my cheeks in thick streams as my busted lip quivered. I draw in another shaky breath trying to will myself not to fall apart in front of my sister. "Um…I.. I..I don't know his name."

"But he knows you?"

I looked at the cop as my eyebrows furrowed then looked down at her notepad. My heart was beating out of my chest, my world was spinning. My little sister was clinging to my arm as I was answering questions about my…rapist. I shake my head. Even thinking the word makes me want to die. I look back at the cop, "Yea…" My voice comes out hoarse and quiet so I clear my throat to make it stronger, "Yes...he…he knows me."

Detective White jotted something down in her notepad and then looked at me again, "Where do you know him from?"

I felt Rachel snap out of her daze. She still clung to my arm but I felt her look up at me. When I looked down at her face it was full of confusion. She looked at the detective, "He was here before. He…" Rachel looked back at me and stared directly into my eyes, "He said he was your friend?" She was asking a question. "How do you not know his name…he…he told me he was your friend? He was your friend right Sanny?"

As I looked deeply into my sister's eyes I felt my stomach flip. He had come to our house to warn me. He tricked Rachel into letting him into our house by telling my little sister that he was my friend? The memory caused me to take deep breaths in order to keep from rushing to the bathroom to throw up my stomach's contents. He came to warn me and tell me that if I told anyone...that he would come back and hurt me…then hurt Rachel. That is exactly what he did.

As I looked into Rachel's eyes I could see that she was starting to blame herself for everything. She was blaming herself for believing him. She was blaming herself for letting him convince her to come into the house to talk to me all those nights ago in our kitchen. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was starting to feel like she caused all of this, which is absolutely absurd because it was all my fault. Everything was my fault. Rachel's eyes were puffy from crying. My eyes started to cloud with tears again as I looked down at my baby sister. She was searching my eyes for answers; confusion was all over her face.

I bit my bottom lip, "Rach…" I realized I didn't know what to say to her, so instead I just shook my head.

Detective White had been watching this whole exchange between me and my sister; she finally spoke again causing both my sister and I to look in her direction. "Santana, has he hurt you before?"

The question was another blow to the chest. I looked pleadingly into the cop's eyes, but she just continued to stare at me, waiting for my answer. I looked down at my little sister again and saw that she was waiting anxiously for my answer as well. Her eyes were wide, she was holding her breath. I couldn't stand to look at the hurt on her face anymore so I refocused on the detective in front of me. I took a deep breath, "Yes…" I say just above a whisper.

Rachel let out a loud sob next to me. "What? No… no!" Her voice was desperate. It added to my broken heart. She started sobbing. I gently pull my sister's head into my chest and let her cry. I'm holding her head tightly against me, wishing there was something I could do to make all of this better for her. I wish there was something I could do to make all of this go away. This is too much for an eight year old. I plant a gentle kiss on the top of her head and go back to stroking her hair as I hold her head close to me.

I take a few deep breaths to keep myself from falling apart again and then rest my chin on the top of Rachel's head as she continues to cry heavily into my torn shirt. I finally look Detective White in the eyes and nod my head for her to continue.

She sat up taller in the chair, "Ok. What can you tell me about him? Anything will help, any scars, birthmarks, tattoos, anything about how he talks, any habits, eye color…anything."

I took a deep breath, I was about to give away information to this detective that I had just met, that I haven't even told my mom or Quinn, but Rachel was crying so I needed to get this over with for her sake. "Um…he uh…dark short hair and dark eyes. He is like a head taller than me. H-h-he bites his nails and has a fake gold tooth."

Detective White nods her head as she writes down everything I am saying into her notepad. She looks up at me, "Gold tooth…is it on his right or left side? Front or back of his mouth?"

I continue to rest my chin on Rachel's head, thankful that I don't have to look into her sad eyes as I describe my attacker. "It's towards the front…on his right side…"

Detective White scribbles more before looked at me again, "Ok, anything else?"

"He uh…he smokes cigarettes." The words tumble out of my mouth. I didn't realize I knew this about him until this very second. I haven't had time to think about it.

The cop looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, "Did he have some with him?"

"No...um…he…I could...t-taste them…his mouth tasted like cigarettes…" I instinctively press my sister's head further into my chest, hoping to mute my words as much as possible. I look at Detective White again and continue, not wanting to dwell on the memory. "He has a tiger tattoo on his left forearm too. It...it looks like it is climbing his arm...and he knows Spanish."

"Ok, and his skin color?"

I watch her continue to write as I answer, "He…uh...he is tan, like me." I realize that for the most part my tears have stopped somehow. My sister's sobs have calmed to soft hiccups.

Detective White looked at me, "Santana, these things are great. All of these things that you are telling me are going to help us find him. You are doing great." She gave me a reassuring smile before taking a deep breath, "You said that this wasn't the first time, you've had an encounter with him?"

I chewed my lip and shook my head gently as more tears surfaced. I couldn't answer her with words.

The detective nodded, "How many other times were there Santana?"

I pulled Rachel's head further into my chest. "One," I said barely above a whisper.

"Okay, and did that happen here as well?"

I shook my head again quietly. When Detective White continued to look at me with raised eyebrows, I know she was silently waiting for me to tell her where it did happen. I looked down at the top of Rachel's head. Her breaths had started to calm again. "L-last Tuesday night…." I began…my voice sounded foreign to me. "It happened outside of my…ex-boyfriend's party…. Off of Mitchell Circle."

The detective nodded her head as she wrote down more information into her notebook. Still looking at the notebook she asked another question, "Do you have any idea how he knew where you lived?"

My breath froze in my chest. Tears fell down my cheeks without apologies. Rachel tried to pull away from my grasp but I couldn't handle looking into her eyes. I felt like if I saw Rachel's eyes I would fall apart completely, and I couldn't do that to her. I used my hand to gently pull her head back to my embrace.

Rachel mumbled into my chest, "I…I thought he was your friend…." She hiccupped between soft cries.

I kept my hand on her head and held her close as I chewed on my lip. I shook my head and looked up to the ceiling to try to tame the tears that were running down my cheeks. I bent my head down and gently kissed the top of my little sister's head, "He was…he was never my friend, boo." I felt my sister clutch me tighter in response. I let out a quivering breath and brought my attention back to the detective as I smoothed Rachel's hair, trying my best to cover her ear in the process to protect her from my answers. I finally answered Detective White, "He took my license…after…last Tuesday…" I shook my head and bit my busted lip in order to hold back a sob, I couldn't say anymore.

The cop nodded her head and wrote something quickly into her notepad again. I watched her look up at me with an open mouth. She quickly closed it after looking at my face and the sniffling girl in my arms. I released a quivering breath. I knew she wanted to ask more questions, but thankfully she must have reconsidered with Rachel buried in my arms and chest.

Detective White slowly closed her notebook. She uncrossed her legs and sat up taller in her chair, "I think that is enough for now. Thank you so much for talking with me Santana." She took a second to look down at Rachel then met my eyes again, "When your mom gets here…we are going to have her ride with you to the hospital-"

I felt my sister's head pop up suddenly from my chest pushing my hand away from her head. "Hospital? Sissy, are you that hurt?" Rachel started to breathe quicker again.

My eyes instantly start to water again. So much for not crying for a while. I can't go to a hospital. The thought of it terrifies me. Having to be examined? It is too much. He is still out there…he is still loose and now I am talking to the cops. I can't go to the hospital too. There isn't any need for it. My stomach is throbbing and my lip is busted again, but I can deal with it at home like I did last time. Last time. The words echo in my head. The fact that there was a 'last time' means that now there is 'another time'. It's all too much. Talking about it is too painful but letting the doctor's poke and prod me and ask me for details? That will be unbearable. I can't do it.

I look at the cop through my clouded eyes, "I um...I don't know if I need…if I need to go to the hospital." I manage to choke out.

Detective White tilts her head, "I think it would be best if you came to the hospital. Not only for your injuries…but we would also be able to do a kit and hopefully find some forensic evidence that we'll be able to use to catch and nail this guy."

Tears roll down my face, a kit? As in a rape kit? "I-I-I…I don't know."

"Santana, you really should get a kit done, I know it might seem scary now… but it helps. It really helps." She continued to hold my gaze after she spoke.

In the silence that followed Detective White's last statement I noticed Rachel looking back and forth between me and the cop. I continued to sit silently as big tears rolled down their face, landing on my hands and sweat pants. My sister was beginning to realize that something wasn't being said. She didn't understand what was happening, and it was frustrating her. She snapped her head back at me and when she wasn't met with my gaze she looked back at the cop. The cop continued to look at me, so my sister looked back at me again and rested her hand on my arm. I didn't respond. I couldn't.

"What is it San?" She finally asked, "What is a kit?" My heart felt like it stopped beating for a second. My eight year old sister was asking me what a kit was. She didn't know that it was a rape kit. She doesn't even know what rape is. And she shouldn't know. She shouldn't have to know, not at eight years old. Tears cascaded down my cheeks now. I've been trying so hard to keep her from all of this, and now she is here…in the middle of it. Caught up in it because of me. I can't answer her.

When neither me nor the cop answer her, Rachel pulls her hand from my arm and scoots away from me. She is getting anxious now. I see her angrily swipe at her tears. "Tell me." She is met again with a long silence. She stands up from the bed quickly and puts her hands on her hips as she looks at Detective White. "Can they just do the kit now? I can be here. Maybe she doesn't need to go to the hospital; we can just do it here." She pointed at me as she continued to look at the cop, "Our mom is a doctor. She can do it. Right?"

Rachel's rant felt like continuous blows to my stomach. It ached with every question. She was desperately trying to help me, not knowing that her saying what she was saying was making everything that much harder. She looked at me and saw my heavy tears. I saw panic envelop her face. She snapped her head back at cop. "Right?" She asked again, only louder this time.

Finally Detective White cleared her throat. "Rachel, these things have to be done by specifically trained nurses or doctors, so Santana has to go to the hospital to get one. Do you understand?"

Rachel slowly nodded her head at the detective then looked back at me. Her brows were furrowed, she was confused. She didn't really understand. I couldn't control the tears that continued to stream down my face. It made me feel so weak…again. I wished I could stop them; I don't want my sister to see me this way. I have always tried to control my emotions around Rachel, trying my hardest to protect her from sad and hurtful things, but I can't right now. I can't help it. Rachel continues to study my face.

She slowly opened her mouth to speak again; her voice was soft and gentle. She moved closer towards me, "I can do one too. Sanny, I'll get one too. We can do it together. It won't be bad; I'll do the kit with you." Her face was so sincere.

I couldn't control it anymore. A loud sob escaped from my mouth, my breath continuously hitched in my chest. My hand flew to my mouth to try to keep myself from sobbing loudly again as my tears turned on full blast. I began to shake my head quickly, trying my best to form words. My sister just offered to do a kit with me. I can't be in this moment. I need to be anywhere but here. The hurt and confusion on her face is too much, I close my eyes. "Rach…you…" I sob into my hand again. I can't talk, not right now. Not with her standing there. I have my eyes closed but I can feel her eyes on me. I can't believe I am here right now. I can't believe I am telling a cop about my attacker coming back to my house for more. I can't believe my younger sister is offering to get a rape kit done with me.

I could hear Detective White clear her throat, "Rachel…" She began but was caught off by my mother's voice.

"Girls, oh my god." My mom's voice was panicked. I kept my eyes closed, but I could hear her footsteps rushing into the room. "Thank god you are safe." I heard Rachel run over to our mother.

I opened my eyes with my hand still covering my mouth. I watch as my mom picked up my sister and held her in an intense hug. Rachel buried her face in our mom's neck as my mom began to stroke her back. My mother's eyes instantly meet mine; she started to walk with Rachel still in her arms over to me. She crouched down in front of me and gently placed her hand on my knee while still holding my sister with her other one. My mom's touch makes me feel like I am going to crumble into a million pieces. I start heaving; my breaths feel like they aren't able to come out.

"San…talk to me…" My mother's voice is quiet and gentle. I close my eyes again and shake my head. I can't be here. I can't be around my baby sister, a cop and my mother this fresh after another attack. My clothes are still disheveled and torn and now wet with tears. I'm a mess. All I can do is sit in front of my mom and continue crying with my eyes closed, trying to separate myself as much as I can from this hellish situation. I need to be far far away.

* * *

Rachel climbed off Shelby's lap and stood next to her mother. She looked at her mom crouching in front of Santana, and then looked over at her sobbing sister. She then looked over at the detective who was now standing in the entrance of her bedroom before she looked back at her mother, "The lady said Sanny needs a kit done at the hospital. Can't you do it? You are a doctor. Or if we have to go to the hospital I can get one too. Can I do a kit with her?"

Shelby looked at her youngest daughter with wide eyes…this was incredibly hard to process. She looked at Santana and understood why she had a never ending stream of tears running down her cheeks. She looked back at the cop with the same shocked face; the cop gave her an apologetic look in return. Shelby felt like her face was frozen in shock. She looked back at her youngest daughter whose eyes didn't leave hers.

"Please mama?" Rachel repeats.

Shelby couldn't answer. She wasn't expecting this. She didn't know what to expect…but her eight year old asking if she could perform a…rape kit…on her sixteen year old was nowhere near anything she ever thought she would have to deal with. A rape kit. Her heart sunk in her chest. Not again. Shelby looked away from Rachel over at Santana again. She finally took in Santana's appearance for the first time since arriving. Her daughter had a busted lip. Her shirt was ripped down the front exposing her bra. Her bra was twisted, barely covering her breasts. Shelby's eyes traveled down further, Santana's white shirt had blood marks over her stomach. Her wounds opened again? Shelby looked at her eldest daughter's sweatpants and noticed that they too were twisted. Realization hits her like a truck.

"It was him? He was here?" Shelby asks her eldest daughter. Santana remained sitting with her eyes closed as a constant stream of tears ran down her face; she didn't even acknowledge her questions, which made Shelby start panicking even more. Suddenly Shelby felt her hand being tugged on lightly by her eight year old. She looks over at Rachel.

"You know him too mama?" Rachel asks innocently.

Shelby searches Rachel's eyes quickly and furrowed her brows. "'Too'? Rachel, you know who he is?"

* * *

Hearing my mom ask my sister that question brought me out of my daze. I heard Rachel stutter in response, "Well...I-I..." Everything that I was able to keep a secret is about to be thrown all over the place. Everything that I didn't want to talk about, that I couldn't talk about, is going to be discussed in detail by the end of this night.

I snap out of my daze and cut off my sister before she can continue, "No...no." I rest my elbows on my knees and let my head fall into my hands for support. I start crying harder into my hands. Sobbing loudly and breathing heavily, "Mama…" I'm barely able to choke out between sobs.

I feel the bed sink as my mother sits next to me. She pulls me into a huge hug and lets me lay on her as I continue to sob, much like I had previously done for Rachel. "Shh...Baby...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm sorry this happened." Her voice is soothing. My sister is silently standing in front of us with her mouth open in shock and confusion.

Detective White clears her throat, "Mam'...we really should take your daughter to the hospital to finish this. The ambulance is waiting outside. We were waiting for you to get here. You and your daughters can ride in the ambulance, and me and my partner will meet you at St. Josephs. Is there anyone else you would like me to call for you?"

My mom is silent. I know she is trying to think of words to say. I know her mind is probably all over the place just as mine is, and this fact adds to my devastation. Finally I feel her sit a little taller as she clears her throat, "No, thank you. I will call my friend."

My eyes open at this. My breathing has calmed down and the tears have slowed, but my heart still feels like it is shattered. I still feel like I am spread all over the floor. I watch as the detective extends her hand for Rachel to take. "Come on Rachel, let's go wait outside for your sister and mom." Erin White says kindly.

My sister looks from Detective White's hand to me and my mom. She is unsure of what to do. An eight year old shouldn't be this confused. This is all my fault.

My mom slowly pushes me to a sitting position again but continues to hold my hands tightly in her own. She sniffles and puts a smile on her face, "Go ahead boo, it's ok." She nods at my sister, "Go with her. We will be right behind you, I promise."

I watched as Rachel looks from our mom over to me. She looks directly into my eyes, and after a few seconds I have to look away. I look down at the carpet. The carpet that he was just laying on top of me on. The carpet that my sister had to see me laying on underneath him as he…I shake my head slowly. When I look up again, my sister is on her way out of the room with Detective White, hand in hand. Rachel's head is hung low and her steps and slow and dragging. I can hear her sniffling.

I ruined my sister.

* * *

Once my sister and Detective White left the room, my mom and I continued to sit in silence on Rachel's bed. She continued to hold onto my hand as both of us stared straight ahead. There was still bustling downstairs. The glass was still being cleaned up. The faint sound of officers talking could be heard.

This was all too much. This has gotten way out of hand. I turn my head to look at my mom, "Mama…" My voice is hoarse and raspy from all the crying. "I can't… I can't go to the hospital. I can't tell them…" I shake my head.

My mom squeezes my hand tighter and looks me directly in the eyes, "Baby, this is something you absolutely have to do. I will be there the entire time, but we need to do this." She raised her eyebrows and nodded her head, waiting for me to agree.

I couldn't agree. "I...I can't…he…he knows where I live…he knows…" I trail off.

My mom starts shaking her head angrily. She isn't angry at me, she is angry at the situation. Which is my fault…she just doesn't know it. My mom gently puts her hand under my chin, lifting it so our eyes meet. She takes a deep breath, "I know…we need to tell the cops everything that you know, and they will figure out how he knew where you lived. Ok? They will find out."

My mom's words felt like they were stabbing my heart. I couldn't control the loud sob that unexpectedly forced its way out of my mouth. I jerk my face out of my mother's hand and look away from her. "He knew where we lived because of me…" Tears rushed out of my eyes again. My mom didn't speak. She was waiting for me to continue. I had to tell her one of the biggest secrets I was hiding from her. I am so ashamed of myself. I shake my head and continue quietly, "He…he took my license…he took my license the night in the woods." I drew in a shaky breath, "He told me that I couldn't t-t-tell anyone. He said if I told…that he would come find me…" I slowly turned my head to look back at my mother who had tears down her cheeks now. "He was here because of me." I clarified. "He...somehow he knew I told you and Quinn…" My voice broke.

My mom's eyes were wide as tears made their way out of them. "He…he took your license?"

All I could do was nod my head. I had to close my eyes. I couldn't bare to look at my mother anymore. I am too ashamed and disappointed in myself. If I kept my mouth shut then none of this would be happening.

"Baby, you should have told me." My mom's voice was so sad.

I slowly opened my eyes to meet my mother's confused sad ones. I didn't have any fight left in me to get angry or frustrated. My shoulders sank down. "I couldn't. I couldn't tell you. He told me this would happen…he told me that he would come back…" I look away from my mom, "…for more." I paused to take a breath, "Then he…he told me he would hurt Rachel. I couldn't….I couldn't tell…" My face was covered in tears, it was hard to breathe. My nose was clogged from all the crying, and my breaths continued to hitch in my chest as my heart felt like it was beating in my throat. "I had already said too much."

I watch as my mom sat in silence. She was trying to take in all the information I had just told her. She didn't have anything to say. She wiped her face with her hands as I continued to cry silently next to her. I watched her stand up and grab a blanket off of Rachel's desk chair. She walks back over to me and wraps it around my shoulders, pulling it closed over my front to cover me as best as she can since my shirt is basically ripped to shreds.

"Come on baby, we will do this together." With that she slowly helps me into a standing position.

I am too tired to argue. All I can think about is everything that has happened as my mom leads me out of Rachel's room and down the stairs to the ambulance. His words echo in my head from the first time in the woods to an hour ago on Rachel's floor.

'_I work miracles with my tongue don't I?'_

'_I told you that you would love it. The way your back arched and the noises you made definitely proved me right, wouldn't you agree?'_

'_Keep this quiet or else I will come back for more. But the next time? I'll kill you afterwards. I know exactly where you live now. Comprende Santana?'_

'_If you don't keep your end then we could always make other arrangements.' He slowly smiled again before directing his gaze down at Rachel._

'_Fine! I'll wait for your mom. You chose this remember. I can't wait to see if your mother is anything like you are. I'll take her right here on this lovely front porch! You think she is a screamer too?'_

'_We had so much fun didn't we? It's been so hard to stay away.'_

'_I told you what would happen if you told anyone didn't I?'  
_

He attacked me in the woods. I was too weak to fight him off…and I was even weaker of a person for enjoying it. He told me to do one thing. To keep quiet. I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and now here I am…riding with my mom and kid sister in an ambulance to the hospital to get a rape kit done and to answer questions asked by a complete stranger that I didn't even want to think about. If I had kept my mouth shut then none of this would be happening. If I kept my mouth shut then my mom and my baby sister and my best friend's lives would be much less complicated. This is all my fault. The whole thing is my fault. I am such a weak person.

* * *

**A/N: So….I hope you all don't hate me. A lot just happened this chapter, and I know it had to be pretty shocking. Some of you had a feeling that Quinn wasn't the one at the door, and obviously you were correct. For those of you who didn't see it coming: sorry for such the surprise!**

**The cat is fully out of the bag now. There is a lot to be explored with the events that happened tonight. I would absolutely LOVE to hear what you think. Love it? Hate it? Critiques? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you all SO much again for all of your kind words. They truly mean so much to me. Writing is a secret passion of mine that only one or two people know about in my life. As I am not able to share this with the rest of my friends or my family yet, it is so humbling to have all of you give me such wonderful compliments and reviews. **

**This chapter was quite difficult to write, so please be gentle and read with caution.  
**

**Chapter 14**

When I snap out of my daze I realize I am already in a hospital room. There is a doctor standing next to me in scrubs and my mom is standing in front of me. I shift my weight and hear crinkling noises. I look down and notice that I am already sitting on a doctor's table covered in that annoying crinkly paper. My legs are swinging freely as they hang over the side. I'm so confused. How did I get here? I feel like I just woke up, but I hadn't been sleeping.

I look at the doctor in front of me. She is a rather large woman clad in light purple scrubs with her thick dark hair pulled up into a bun. Her lipstick is a tacky pink that clashes with her bright pink blush. We make eye contact and it snaps me out of my zombie like daze, "Rachel…" I clear my voice, "My sister needs to be checked." It is the first thing I think of.

I look at my mother. She looks shocked that I am speaking. Was I really that out of it? I watch as her brows furrow as she is trying to process what I am saying. Then I watch as panic starts to cover her face. I quickly clarify, "He hit her head…her head…it hit the wall really hard." My voice was barely above a whisper. I watch as my mom's face slowly relaxes a bit. That is when I notice that Rachel isn't arguing about the doctor checking her. My brows furrow. I sit up taller and look around my mom. The room I am in is small. There is only one chair in it, and Rachel is not in it. I look behind me. There is nothing but a wall full of medical tools and machines. My breathing starts to quicken, "Where is she? Where is Rachel?" I quickly snap my head back to my mother, "Mom?"

I start to try to slide off the table when I feel my mom put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. "San. Santana..." She brings her other hand to cup my cheek, forcing me to focus on her. "She's in the waiting room with Ruth. She is ok. She is with Woowoo."

I get lost in my mother's eyes. I feel myself release a breath I had been holding. Rachel is safe, I repeat to myself. She is with our godmother. Ruth is my mother's best friend and the other owner of her practice, I remind myself. 'Woowoo' as Rachel calls her. When Rachel was a baby she couldn't pronounce 'Ruth'. Somehow over the years, Woowoo stuck and became our godmother's nickname. I instantly feel myself relax; Rachel is safe as long as she is with Woowoo.

I look away from my mother and over at the female doctor standing next to me, "You need to look at her head." I state again firmly.

The doctor nods her head, "Ok we will give your sister a physical but first Santana, I need you to stand up. I am going to help you change into this gown and we are going to bag your clothes."

She is going to help me change? She wants to take my clothes? I shake my head as tears fill my eyes again. "No…no first you need to check my sister. It was her head…" I look back at my mom.

My mom grabs my hand in hers, "Ok Baby, she will. I'll go make sure someone is helping Rach. But, I need you to do this. I need you to let the doctor help you. I'm going to step out of the room-"

I cut my mom off, "No." I feel my chest start to heave. She can't leave me alone.

My mom grabs my other hand and squeezes them both gently, "I will be right back. You need to get changed. When I come back you'll be in that gown." She points at the paper gown the doctor is holding out towards me, "Ok?"

I continue to stare at the gown in the doctor's hands. It is made of paper. It is really thin and flimsy. I'm supposed to undress and get in that? I look up and the doctor is smiling at me kindly with her tack lipstick. I can't return the smile, I'm freaking out. This doctor is going to see my stomach. She is going to see the mark he left on me, my new title. I look back at the gown. It will barely cover me. The doctor is going to see everything. I look over at my mom and she nods at me reassuringly with sad eyes and a small smile. I remind myself that Rachel needs her head checked out and look back at the awful paper gown again. "Ok," I hear myself reply quietly.

My mother steps closer to me and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. She squeezes my hands one more time before quickly turning and leaving the room. I watch as she wipes tears from her face before the door closes leaving me alone with the doctor...and that paper gown.

* * *

Ruth had been waiting in the waiting room with her eight year old goddaughter. She looked over at Rachel again for what felt like the millionth time. She had no clue what was going on. All she knew was that her friend called her sobbing and asked for her to meet them at the ER entrance at St. Joseph's Hospital. As soon as she got there she was sent with Rachel to the enormous waiting room as Shelby and Santana went with a few doctors in the opposite direction. Rachel hadn't said a word since arriving. She had a magazine opened on her lap; it was on an article about 'Brangelina' or whatever they are called, and their family of adoptees. Rachel was staring down at it, but Ruth knew she wasn't really reading it. It had been on that same page for the past hour.

When Ruth looked up from Rachel she spotted her best friend entering the long lobby waiting room from the opposite side. As soon as she saw her best friend, Shelby started to speed up her walk. Ruth saw the look in Shelby's eyes and turned to Rachel. "I need you to stay sitting in this chair ok Boo boo bear?"

Rachel looked up at her with worried eyes. "What?" Her eyes started tearing up, "No." She looked straight ahead and saw her mom walking in their direction. She was walking quickly. Rachel started breathing quicker. Her mom was alone, where was her sister?

"Rach, look at me," Rachel looked back at her godmother with questioning eyes. Ruth continued, "I need you to just sit here. Just give me 5 minutes with mama ok?" Rachel continued to look at her with pleading tear filled eyes. Ruth sighed and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and handed it to the eight year old, "Here. Time me. In five minutes you can come get me and mama ok?" She saw the hesitation in Rachel's eyes. "Do this for your Woowoo, please baby?"

Rachel quietly looked at her mom who was quickly approaching, she looked straight down at her godmother's phone, "Ok...five minutes." She said quietly.

Ruth planted a quick kiss on Rachel's head, "Thanks angel." With that she stood up quickly and raced across the lobby to meet Shelby away from the eight year old, out of her hearing range.

"Ruth…Ruth…Ruth…" Shelby is repeating her name as she nearly breaks into a run the closer she got to her friend.

Ruth could see that Shelby's eyes were brimmed with tears and that her chin was quivering. Her best friend looked like she was about to lose it completely. "Shel?" She felt her best friend slam into her. Ruth wrapped her arms around her pulling her into a tight hug and began to rub circles into Shelby's back as her best friend buried her head into the nook of her neck. "Shel…Shel…" Ruth repeated quietly.

Shelby picked her head up from her friend's neck and looked through her clouded vision into her friend's eyes, "If you keep saying my name I am going to break down into a puddle on this floor, Ruth."

Ruth combed her hand through Shelby's hair, tucking a loose strand behind her friend's ear, "Oh really? Me saying your name is going to do all that?" She shot Shelby a small joking smile which fades as soon as Shelby's does a second later. Ruth pulled her back into a tight hug, "Deep breaths." She whispered into Shelby's ear, "What is going on, hun?"

"He…he was in my house. He was there and I was at work."

Ruth instantly pulls Shelby out from the hug to look at her directly in the eyes. "What?" Ruth finally breathed, "He he, meaning… _him_?" Ruth knows that Shelby understands her question...even if to a passerbyer it wouldn't have made any sense. She watched as her friend somberly nodded her head.

"He…" Shelby drew in an extremely shaky breath, "He attacked Santana… again…I…I d-d-don't know how far he got yet though…" She shook her head as her mind traveled back to the state she found her daughter in merely hours ago, "but she was a mess when I got there, they both were." Shelby looked over Ruth's shoulders at her youngest daughter who was looking eagerly down at Ruth's cell phone.

Ruth cleared her throat trying to recover from the shock of what her best friend just told her, "Did they get him?"

Shelby simply shook her head in response and covered her mouth with one hand to try to contain her sob. She failed. Tears resurface to her eyes.

Ruth released a breath, "Ok…ok. Shelby, focus on me." She quickly put her hands on Shelby's shoulders and bent down to catch Shelby's eyes with her own. "Focus. You can't break down right now." She took a deep breath, "We probably have one more minute until your little girl comes running over here, and you can't be crying when that happens." Shelby nodded her head slowly in agreement and begun to wipe her eyes when Ruth continued, "Serious question for you…"

Shelby furrowed her eyebrows waiting for her friend to continue with her question. She looked her in the eyes as she wiped more tears from her face.

Ruth continued, "Do you need me to make the Grinch face right now?"

Shelby couldn't help but let out a small quiet laugh. Her friend always knew how to help her and what to say. The infamous "Grinch face" always made Shelby laugh and seemed to make everything better. To do it, Ruth rolls her upper lip over her teeth and twists her mouth into a silly crazy grin while crossing her eyes…something they dubbed the "Grinch face" back in their resident years.

"Seriously, I'll do it." Ruth reiterated.

Shelby shook her head and finally dropped her smile, noticing that her tears were now gone from her eyes. She pulled Ruth into another hug. "Thank you, Woowoo."

Ruth's voice was in her ear, "Seriously, it's only cute when Rachel or San call me that Shel, but you are welcome. You know I am always going to be here for you and the girls." She said as she rubbed gentle circles into her friend's back again.

"Mama," Rachel had suddenly ran up and slammed into her mother, holding her tightly around the waist.

Shelby took a second to pull her baby girl's head into her side tightly before she squatted down to be eye level with her daughter. She grabbed Rachel's hands and looked into the young girl's worried eyes, "How are you feeling boo? How does your head feel?"

Rachel ignored her mother's question, she was breathing quickly and felt extremely on edge, "How is Sanny? Where is she? Is the kit done?"

Ruth had been standing next to Rachel and Shelby watching the exchange. She saw her goddaughter's anxiousness and could tell that she was freaking out by the look in her face. However nothing could have ever prepared her for hearing her innocent eight year old goddaughter asking that last question. She unexpectedly sucked in a breath sharply, getting choked up on the air. "Oh Shel…" She whispered quietly to herself.

Not as quietly as she thought apparently because Shelby released her eye contact with Rachel to look up at her friend. After a second she refocused back on her daughter. She chose to ignore Rachel's questions. "Rachel baby, I need you to tell me how you are feeling."

Rachel's eyes searched her mother's. She was trying to find out how her sister was, why was her mom so concerned about her? She was so confused. Santana was the one who was beat up…not her. "I-I'm fine. I'm fine...how is sissy?"

Shelby sighed and continued to hold her daughter's hands. "She is doing ok Rach, I need to get back to her though." She continued to look into Rachel's eyes, "Sanny told me that your head hit the wall?" Shelby was trying her best to keep the tears out of her eyes as she looked into her daughter's. She had to focus on keeping her voice even and calm in this moment too. She didn't want to break down in front of her daughter. Now wasn't the time, and this certainly wasn't the place. She could see that her eight year old was panicking, if she broke down then it would add to the young girl's stress and worrying.

Rachel looked downward at the floor to avoid her mom's gaze. She didn't want to talk about herself; she wanted to hear more about her sister. She wanted to know what was happening. She wanted to know why Santana's friend had come back and why he was so very mean. She wanted to know why Santana told the cop that he wasn't her friend, when he had told Rachel that they were friends that one time in the kitchen. She wanted to know why Santana said he had hurt her before. Talking about how her head felt didn't get her any of these answers. Her head did hurt a little though, "Yea…" Rachel absentmindedly reached her hand up and gently touched the back of her head. "He made me hit it on the wall, and then he slapped me and I fell. I'm not bleeding or anything though…"

Shelby chewed her lip and took a deep breath to keep her emotions at bay before she raised Rachel's chin so she could look her in the eyes. "Ok baby. I'm going to have Woowoo take you to have one of these nice doctors look at you ok? We want to make sure you're ok. Woowoo will be there the whole time." Shelby looked up at her friend silently asking if this was ok. When her friend nodded her head in agreement she looked back at Rachel. "It won't be scary at all, I promise."

Rachel didn't really care. She only wanted to know about her sister, "Are you going to go back to Sanny?"

Shelby stood from the squatting position she was previously in and fixed her shirt, "Yes boo, I am. I actually need to get back there now."

"I want to come with you." Rachel's voice was so desperate sounding, it broke Shelby's heart. Rachel reached out for her mother and grabbed her hand tightly.

Shelby forced herself to keep breathing, "Boo, I have to go back by myself right now. You have to go with Woowoo…. You can see sissy later, I promise."

The eight year old's eyes started to water, "But…why can't I go now? My head is okay. Why can't I see her now?"

Shelby chewed her lip as she looked up at her best friend who stood next to them silently. Ruth was looking at Rachel with sad eyes. Shelby looked back at her daughter, "Baby, I can't discuss this right now, I have to go-"

"Is she hurt? She really is hurt? Is Santana okay? What is happening mama?" Rachel was full fledge crying right now. It made it extremely difficult to swallow the lump that was in Shelby's throat. Her own eyes started to prick with tears.

Ruth suddenly squatted down next to the crying eight year old, "Rachel, your sister is doing fine…" She looked up at her best friend who was standing in stunned silence with tears in her eyes as she starred at her baby girl. She continued, "You and I will go see this doctor and then when we are done, you'll be able to see Santana, okay?"

Rachel sniffled and looked deeply into her godmother's eyes. She paused, "You…you promise? As soon as we are done? I…I just want my sissy."

Ruth looked at Rachel with sad eyes and nodded her head as she cupped the young girl's cheek. She gave her a small smile, "I know you do boo. I promise as soon as we can we will let you see your sister, okay?" Rachel looked at her skeptically. Ruth stood and pulled her goddaughter into her side for a hug, "Have I ever lied to ya, kiddo?"

"No…" Rachel mumbled into Ruth's side.

Ruth looked back up at Shelby who quickly wiped the few tears that managed to fall from her face. She saw her best friend mouth the words 'thank you', so she smiled in reply. Ruth squeezed Rachel one more time, "So we are gonna let mama go back to Sanny now because the quicker she gets back to her, then the quicker you can see her okay?"

Rachel nodded her head as she grabbed onto Ruth's shirt. She turned her head to look back at her mom.

"So you are ok with Woowoo?" Shelby caressed the side of Rachel's cheek as she asked the eight year old.

"Yea." Rachel replied quietly and simply as she clung to Ruth's side.

Shelby watched her daughter slowly hug Ruth around the waist. She finally looked up and nodded at her best friend, "Ok, So you'll take her, Ruth?"

"Of course, we will do that right now."

Shelby nodded her head again, "I love you both. I'll have my phone on me. We are in room 104 if you need anything at all." She looked down at her youngest daughter. Rachel looked so sad, torn and confused. She didn't want to leave her looking like this, but she had to get back to Santana. She looked at Rachel's sad eyes again. It broke Shelby's heart to see her like this and not be able to do anything about it. This subject was so tender. It wasn't something she knew how to explain to her eight year old baby. Shelby forced the thoughts out of her head, "I love you to the moon and back boo."

Rachel replied quietly as she clung tightly to Ruth's side, "And then back again…"

With that Shelby turned and started walking back across the long lobby towards the room that Santana was in. The rape kit was going to be extremely difficult. She had to be strong, she reminded herself. Santana needed her to be strong. As she retreated she heard footsteps running after her.

"Mama!" Rachel yells.

Shelby turned around just in time to have Rachel slam into her body and hug her tightly again. Shelby could see that she had tears in her eyes, "Tell Sanny that I love her too." This broke Shelby's heart. She hugged her daughter back strongly as Rachel continued to speak into her stomach crying a little harder now, "Please make sure she's ok. I love her too much for her not to be okay. Please, mama...make her okay."

Shelby blinked her eyes quickly trying her best not to fall apart as she held her baby girl. "I promise baby, I promise that we will all be fine." She couldn't tell if she was telling the truth or saying it to convince her eight year old…or to convince herself. They would all be fine right?

* * *

My mom came back into the room. She had been crying, but she put on a brave face for me. It made my heart hurt. She walked up to me and kissed me on the head again. "Thank you."

I looked down at my lap. She was thanking me for changing into the paper gown. My mind drifted back to the mere minutes earlier where it was just me and the doctor, Debbie, in the room. I looked up again and notice all the brown paper bags that littered the floor now. Each brown bag held a single article of my clothing in it. My torn shirt was in one. My purple bra in another. My sweatpants in a separate bag. My underwear had its own bag. Even the flip flops my mom put on me before leaving Rachel's room was in another. Debbie the doctor hadn't been able to hold in her gasp when she saw my stomach. She apologized. I shook my head and forced myself to focus on the present again.

My mom and Debbie were standing in front of me as I sat on the edge of the table again. Debbie opened her mouth, "Ok Santana. I need you to tell me what happened as best as you can. Include as many details as you are able." She saw the hurt and sadness on my face. "I know this is going to be very very hard for you, but me and your mother are right here for you and will be the entire time." She glanced over at my mom who nodded her head in agreement. "Every detail is important."

I felt like I was an exhibit at a museum; something interesting to look at. My mom and the doctor's eyes were both focused on me so directly. I feel so exposed. Here goes everything…

"I uh…" I take a deep breath and look at my mom. I want her in the room with me, I can't be alone right now, but saying everything with her here is going to be extremely hard. I can't look at her while I talk about it, so I look over at Debbie. "He was looking for Rachel. When he didn't find her in her room…he got really mad. He uh…he back handed me across the face…it sent me down to the floor…"

"Is this why your lip is split open?" Debbie asked. I simply nodded my head. I watched as she pulled a camera off of a counter. It was one of those old Polaroid cameras. I didn't think they still made those. How old was this hospital? Debbie's voice made me focus on her again, "I'm going to be taking pictures to document your injuries that he inflicted alright?" She didn't wait for me to respond before she snapped a picture of my face. The camera spit out the image immediately. She took it and wrote on it then set it aside. She nodded her head for me to continue.

I sat in silence for a minute. She was going to take pictures of me? I had to just be okay with that? I looked at Debbie again, she urged me to continue my story, like nothing just happened. I looked over at my mom who also gave me a reassuring nod. I shook my head and tried to think back to Rachel's room again, even though I didn't want to. "He…he spit on me…"

"Where did the spit land?" Debbie inquired.

I looked at her silently. Why was she asking? She raised her eyebrows waiting for my answer. I slowly looked down at my lap before answering, "On my face." I closed my eyes, "I…I was too scared to wipe it off…it dripped down my left cheek while he yelled…"

I opened my eyes again to see Debbie retrieving a q-tip from a drawer. She stepped closer to me and swabbed the side of my face with it before putting it into a small tube container and into a plastic baggie. She scribbled something on it, and then looked up at me to continue.

I looked over at my mom; she was looking at the baggie with the q-tip still. Staring at it. Her eyes were wet. My eyes watered. I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I am talking about this. I close my eyes again so I don't have to look at anyone. "He…he sat on top of me. I…I tried to get him off…but I couldn't make him move."

Debbie stopped me from going further, "Santana do you mind holding out your hands for me?" I opened my eyes and looked at her questioningly as I extended my trembling hands. "I'm going to scrape underneath your nails. You might have been able to scratch him, so some of his skin cells could still be there." She explained as she began to scrape underneath my nails onto a piece of paper. She was fast; she did both hands and was sealing the scrapings into another baggie before I could comprehend what she had said. Maybe she wasn't as fast as I was slow, I corrected myself. I still feel like the world is moving at a supersonic speed around me.

I looked back at my mom. She was looking at the baggie with the nail scrapings in it that was set next to the baggie with the q-tip swab of his spit. Her arms were folded across her chest. Her mouth was closed tightly. She looked like she was trying to soak all of this in. She looked like she was trying not to cry in front of me. I watched as she refocused back on me. She tried to give me a small smile, but I could see her chin quivering. I closed my eyes again. The faster I said it…the faster I can get this over with and get back home. Faster is better for everyone. This was killing my mom; I can see it all over her face and all through her body language. I hate that.

I took a deep breath, "He… grabbed my wrists…and held them over my head so that I couldn't fight him anymore." Debbie motioned for me to hold my wrists out. She snapped a few pictures of the bruising that had started to return already. Once she was done I placed my hands back in my lap again and looked down at the bruising pattern as I continued, "He…pushed his fist really hard into my stomach…h-h-he started t-twisting it-t back and forth as he p-p-ushed down. I couldn't do anything to stop him." Tears were flowing freely down my face. I didn't even bother to wipe them anymore. I knew what Debbie was going to want next and the thought made me nauseous.

"Santana, I'm going to have you lay down for this ok sweetheart?" Her voice was laced with an apologetic tone.

I slowly nodded as I gently laid myself down on the bed. My mom walked up and started aimlessly combing her hand through my hair. She grabbed my hand tightly with her free one and smiled sadly at me. "I am so proud of you my daughter." Her voice cracks.

I nod my head and change my focus to Debbie. She is standing on the other side of the table and has a cart pulled up next to her that is filled with medical supplies and her camera. I watch as her gloved hand hovers over my covered stomach. "I am going to rip this gown ok?"

I bit my lip, blinking back the new wave of tears that cloud my eyes and slowly nod my head as I grab my mom's hand tighter. Debbie rips a big hole in my gown so she can see my stomach. She takes a deep breath and then grabs her camera. She looks at me apologetically. I close my eyes and turn my head to face my mom. I try to focus on her hand in my hair as I hear the flash of the camera go off multiple times. After every flash I can hear Debbie scribbling words onto the picture and placing them onto her table before flashing again.

"Is this an old wound?" Debbie asks.

I'm not able to answer this time. My eyes are closed tightly and my hand is squeezing the life out of my mother's hand. I hear my mother clear her throat, "Yes. He did this after he attacked her the first time. It looks like it was done with a small blade. Some of the cuts were deep." She cleared her throat again, trying to stay strong as she spoke to my doctor, "I irrigated the wound the night following…and put topical on it and showed her how to wrap it and keep it sterile."

"I see," Debbie responded. "It looks like he definitely reopened these scabs here. There is some bleeding. It looks like part of the 'w' might have an infection actually. Santana, has this been hurting a lot recently prior to tonight?"

I slowly nod my head, "It…it always hurts." I say quietly.

"Ok, Santana, I am going to clean this up. It might sting quite a bit but this will help it heal properly." I heard her say as she snapped on a pair of gloves.

"Santana," My mom's voice was in my face. I slowly opened my eyes to look at her. She had tear stains down her cheeks, her eyes were puffy. "You should have told me this wasn't getting better baby. I could have helped with this."

"Sorry," this was the only response I could choke out. My mom bit her bottom lip as her chin quivered. She bent over and kissed the top of my forehead before she resumed running her fingers through my hair. Suddenly I let out a loud hiss as Debbie started cleaning my stomach. I closed my eyes and clung tightly to my mom's hand. Tears rushed out of my closed eyes, a few sobs escaped my lips before I bit my bottom lip to try to keep as quiet as I can. I could hear my mom sniffling next to me, trying and failing to cry silently so I wouldn't hear her.

Once my stomach was cleaned and redressed, Debbie and my mom helped me sit back up. My mom backed up behind the doctor again and crossed her hands over her chest. "Ok Santana, what happened next?" Debbie asked again.

I felt my shoulders deflate. I wasn't done yet. This was all so exhausting. I looked back up at Debbie; she was waiting patiently for me to continue. I drew in a deep breath, "He ripped open my shirt." I cleared my voice to make it stronger, "He um...he started touching me…" My eyes darted down towards the floor, "he grabbed me, over my bra..."

"Ok, I'm just going to pull down the gown for a quick second to get a picture ok?" Debbie asked quickly as she reached for my paper gown.

All I could do was watch as she gently exposed my breasts. My arms instantly flew up and covered myself instinctively. My eyes were full of questions. She wanted to take a picture of my breasts?

Debbie stepped back, "Santana sweetie, I will be really quick I promise." She looked into my eyes and nodded her head.

I looked past her at my mom who now had one hand over her mouth and the other pulled tightly over her chest. My mom looked into my eyes and nodded her head silently. Her face was so full of sadness. I have never seen my mom this upset before. I had to do this. I slowly nodded my head in response and took a deep breath before slowly lowering my arms leaving me exposed from the waist up on the table. I instantly looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. I could hear the camera flashing a few times. She was taking pictures of me. People were going to see these pictures. Random doctors and police officers… people I didn't know were going to have access to these and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I bit my lip again to keep from sobbing out loudly.

"It does look like there is some bruising that is starting," Debbie stated, "And an old would that is healing…from the previous attack as well?" I felt her lightly touch the area he had bit nearly a week ago.

All I could do was nod my head as I continued to look up at the ceiling. Debbie slowly pulled my gown back up and tightened it to cover me again. I brought my head back down to look at her again.

She nodded.

Almost done, I reminded myself. I took a deep breath again, "He um…he kissed me. He made me kiss him…"

"Ok," Debbie said as she reached for another q-tip swab. "Can you open your mouth for me?" Once I opened my mouth she swabbed the inside of it and shined a flashlight in to look for any cuts. Finding none, she put the swab in its own tube and baggie and then asked me to continue.

My eyes darted side to side. That was basically it. He had gone back to groping my chest before his hand trailed down… I shook my head. I'm not saying that. Nothing happened. "T-that's it," I say quickly as I look down at my knees.

"Santana is there something you aren't saying?" Debbie asked cautiously.

I looked up at her. How did she know? I looked over at my mom, she was watching me carefully, "San?" My mom took a step forward, her eyes piercing mine.

"I…I…" I shook my head. "No...That is basically it…"

"Basically?" Debbie asked.

Shit. I'm so stupid. I wipe my eyes with my hands, but it doesn't do any good as more tears instantly replace the ones I just wiped off. "I…he…um…" I look at the doctor then at my mom then down at my lap again, "He started to touch me…" I took a deep breath, "down there…" I looked up at Debbie sharply, "But it wasn't for very long and it was over my sweatpants. He wasn't actually touching me," I added quickly.

My mom let out a sob and my heart broke even more. She mumbled her apologies from behind the doctor. Debbie looked into my eyes, "When you say 'touching' what do you mean?"

"What?" I asked in a soft cracked voice as tears cascaded down my face.

"You said over your sweatpants…?" Debbie questioned.

I nodded, "Yes…" I hiccupped and looked down at my lap, "It was…he rubbed… circles…between my legs…over the material…"

With that my mom swiped at her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She sniffled and cleared her throat before walking up and standing next to the doctor directly in front of me. I watched her carefully, confused. She was standing up straight. Debbie turned to face her. "She needs to have a pelvic exam done," My mom said to the doctor in a strong voice.

My stomach felt like it flipped and then dropped. My eyes bulged; I looked at my mom, "No. Mom." I began to protest. My breathing was quickening. "Mom, I don't need one. I said over my sweatpants…he didn't actually…touch me." I drew in a very shaky breath, "I promise. I'm not lying, mom. It was over my pants. It was just for a minute…and then Rachel came in and pushed him off me." I was crying hysterically but didn't break my eye contact from my mom.

My mom turned to face me and gently cupped my face. Her eyes were so sad. "Santana," Her voice was strong, I started shaking my head already knowing what she was about to say. "This isn't up for discussion baby-"

"But he didn't…I don't need one." I cut my mother off.

"You do." My mom nodded at me as she continued to cup my face. "You need one from the first time-"

"There is no 'first time' because there was no second time, mom." I pushed her hand away from my face. "He didn't do that…he didn't make it that far." I swatted at the tears that were like waterfalls down my face. "After the night in the woods…Quinn took me to the clinic. Remember? I did one of those already." I was begging my mother.

"I understand that but San, I can see you are still hurting. I need to make sure you don't have an infection and that you are healing properly. I need to make sure he didn't set back any healing with what he did tonight. I need to know that you are ok physically." She cupped my face with both of her hands and forced me to look directly into her eyes. I deflated. She wasn't going to let me get out of this. This was going to happen. I felt like I was crumbling. "You are doing this," She continued, "I will be here the whole time."

I couldn't respond. My hysterics had calmed, now I just felt like an empty shell with an endless water supply for tear ducts. My mom pulled her hands from my face and turned to face the doctor again, she nodded her head.

I watched Debbie nod her head in understanding. "Ok then Santana, I'm going to have you lie down again, and scoot towards the end of the table." I watched as Debbie walked around to the end of the table and pushed up two levers, the places where my feet were going to rest. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.

All of a sudden there was a soft knock on the door. Everyone in the room turned to look at the closed door. I looked at my mom questioningly. She shrugged her shoulders and then turned to the doctor, "Excuse me," She then turned to me and grabbed my hand. "Lay down, I will be right back." She looked back at the doctor, "Don't start anything without me please."

"Of course," Debbie answered respectfully as she pulled a stool around the end of the table for her to sit on. Debbie looked at me, "Let's lie you down so you are ready for when your mom gets back ok?" She offered her hand for assistance. I uneasily accepted it as I watched my mom walk towards the door.

This was really happening? I looked at the stirrups at the end of the table. In a few minutes I was going to have to open my legs and rest my feet on those. The thought made me nauseous. A sob escaped my lips as I started to lie down on the table. I can't believe this is really happening. Everything is such a mess. None of this is supposed to be happening. I'm not supposed to be here. My sister and my mom and my Woowoo…none of them were supposed to be here.

Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?

* * *

Ruth looked at the number on the door, 104. This was the room Shelby said that she and Santana were in. She had knocked and was waiting for someone to answer it. She shifted her weight between her feet nervously. Shelby had said 104 right? As soon as she started questioning herself her best friend opened the door slightly and squeezed through closing it shut behind her.

Worry etched her brow immediately when she didn't see her youngest daughter with Ruth, "What happened? Is Rachel ok?" She began to look down the hallway to see if she could see her daughter anywhere in sight. Her breathing started quickening when she couldn't.

"Shel," Ruth called to her friend to bring her down from her panic, "She is fine. The nurse brought her to the desk to get a lollipop for being so great."

Shelby slowly nodded her head and released a breath, "What did the doctor say?"

Ruth didn't beat around the bush, "Rachel has a minor concussion-"

Shelby grabbed her friend's hand and cut her off, "What?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, "A concussion? She-"

Ruth cut off her friend before she could freak out anymore, "It's very minor. We just need to keep an eye on her for the next 3-4 hours." She squeezed her friends hand and made sure that Shelby was hearing what she was saying, "It is no big deal, Shelby." She reiterated again, "She isn't slurring her words, she is alert, she isn't dizzy or nauseous…it will be fine."

Shelby took a deep breath to get her breathing back to normal and slow down her racing heart. She was a pediatric doctor. She knew that concussions were usually not a big deal, especially minor ones but she felt like all of her nerves were on fire in this moment. Everything seemed to be setting them off, she felt like she was on high alert. She had seen thousands of concussions in her career, but it was different now that she was being told it was her baby girl who had one. She shook her head. It was minor she reminded herself. "Ok…ok…" Her eyes glaze over as she thinks about all that is going on. Her and her best friend are standing in the middle of the hospital hallway talking about her youngest daughter's concussion while her eldest daughter is waiting to get a pelvic exam to complete the rape kit in the room behind her.

Ruth grabs Shelby's other hand and squeezes them both tightly to bring her friend's focus back to her. When Shelby snaps out of her daze, Ruth continues cautiously, "Shel… the cops really want to question Rachel." She watched her friend's eyebrows furrow. "I tried to tell them that this wasn't a good time, but they are insisting…with her young age...they want to get her statement before too much time has passed to prevent her from forgetting any details that she remembers now."

Shelby pulls her hands from her friend and throws them up in the air in frustration, "Well, I can't. I can't leave right now, they have to wait…" She motions to the door behind her, "I can't be in two places at once! Santana needs me here." She rested her hands on her head and continued to try to keep her breathing at a regular pace, it wasn't working. It seemed like it was one thing after another and it was getting to her.

Ruth watched her friend freak out, "They understand that Shelby. They just really want to get Rachel's statement to try to catch this asshole."

Shelby didn't mean to get loud with her friend. She looked gently at the closed door behind her then looked back at Ruth, "Santana…she is about to get an exam…"

Ruth's eyes grew wide as tears instantly clouded her vision, "An…exam exam?" Again if someone passed them and overheard her question they wouldn't have known what she meant, but she knew that Shelby did and that was all that mattered. She watched as Shelby slowly nodded her head as tears brimmed her eyes as well. Shelby looked up at the ceiling and begun to blink rapidly to stop them from falling. Ruth felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach. It felt like there was no air in her lungs. Her voice was just above a whisper, "He…he…he got that far…again?"

Shelby brought her focus back down from the ceiling instantly to her friend again, "No." She cleared her throat as she watched her friend breathe a sigh of relief, "No…it's just…from the first time...I just…I need to make sure she is…healing. He didn't get that far… again." She brings her hands down from her head and folds them across her chest, "Santana says she is fine…I can tell she doesn't want this…but she has this limp when she walks, its barely noticeable...but it is there. It's just killing me knowing that she is still in pain." Her voice cracks at the end.

Ruth nods her head, "Ok, no that makes sense. You are doing the right thing, Shel."

Shelby shakes her head slowly, "Am I? I just…I can't leave her...not when they are about to start the exam."

Ruth nodded her head again in agreement, "No you need to stay, absolutely."

Shelby looked down the hallway in the direction that the nurse's station was in, "But what about Rachel?"

Ruth looked at her friend. Shelby's face was so sad and etched with stress and worry. "I'll sit with her." Ruth offered, "I can be there during the interview. It is the same officer that was at the house with the girls apparently…Detective White?" Shelby nodded her head, "I can sit with her if you want me to."

Shelby looked at her friend hesitantly and then looked back over her shoulder at the closed door. She needed to be there for San's exam. But she also understood the importance of Rachel giving her statement as soon as possible. She felt stuck, "I don't want to ask you to do that Ruth."

"You aren't asking Shel," She replied quickly, "I am offering. I will sit with Rachel while she talks to the detective. I am here to help. Let me help, hun."

Shelby looked her best friend in the eyes, "I just…I-I…" Her voice was cracking; she immediately looked down at the ground with hunched shoulders. She felt defeat overtaking her body. Her eyes watered uncontrollably.

Ruth watched as her friend slowly crumbled before her eyes. She quickly pulled Shelby into a hug, "Not yet. No crying yet you hear me? You need to go back into the room and be there for Santana…" She could feel Shelby nod her head into her neck. Ruth continued, "And I need to go make sure that mini-you is not haggling the nurses out of all their lollipops."

Shelby released a short laugh then pulled away from her friend's hug and nodded her head, "You are right." She wiped her eyes, "Ok. You'll sit with Rachel?"

"Yes."

"And you'll tell me everything?" Shelby asked desperately.

"Of course."

Shelby nodded her head. She looked back at the closed door behind her again. "Ok…ok. I need...I need to go back to San."

"Yes. Go on, I love you Shel." She leaned forward and planted a friendly kiss on Shelby's cheek, "I will ring you when we are done."

Shelby nodded gently and then took a deep breath. She stood up a little taller and then turned around and entered the room she had previously exited, back to Santana.

Ruth watched her friend slip back into the quiet room. She took a deep breath and then paused, still standing in front of the door. She could hear a female doctor through the door, _"Alright Santana, let's put your feet in these notches for me…..Good girl….Now let's scoot you towards the end of the table."_

The only response Ruth could hear was a loud sob from Santana. Hearing Santana cry so loudly instantly brought tears to Ruth's eyes. She took a step forward and put her open palm on the door softly. She waited another minute and then heard Santana's squeal rip through the room and down the hallway followed by the sound of her sobbing hysterically. Ruth shook her head and quickly pulled her hand from the door. She needed to be helpful. They needed to catch this bastard. No sixteen year old girl should have to go through that, especially not her strong Santana. With that she nodded her head and sucked her tears back into her eyes. She turned away from the door and headed down the hallway towards the nurses' station to get Rachel and bring her to the cop for her questioning.

Santana's cries faded into the distance the further down the hallway she walked. She needed to be helpful. They had to catch the monster that did this to her best friend's family; to her god daughters.

* * *

**A/N: let me know what you think…thank you for reading. -E**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: As always thank you ALL for your wonderful feedback! I love seeing your thoughts after each chapter. Just to let you all know, I have not forgotten about Quinn. The past couple chapters and this one happens to move at a slow pace, covering only one night. I felt there was so much here that needed to be covered at the hospital that I had to break it into multiple chapters. This process is slow. Dealing with the cops and doctors after something like this isn't just a quick in and out thing, even though all the Law and Order episodes lead you to believe it works that way. I promise that Quinn has not been forgotten, not in the least. **

**For those Quinn fans who asked, I'm sorry to disappoint you but she will not be in this chapter. However, the character is very near and dear to my heart so I wanted to ensure you all that I could never forget her. We will see a lot of her next chapter. Thank you again, I hope you enjoy the chapter!  
**

**Chapter 15**

Ruth and Rachel were now in a small empty hospital room. Rachel was sitting in a chair directly across from Detective White swinging her legs mindlessly. Ruth decided to remain standing, she couldn't sit down. She felt too anxious, so she stood next to Rachel's chair instead.

The detective had her notepad out; she smiled finally at Rachel, "Rachel can you tell us what happened?"

Rachel looked hesitantly up at Ruth silently asking her what she should do. Ruth nodded her head at the eight year old, "Go on hunny. You want to help Sissy right?" She watched as Rachel nodded slowly, "You telling this nice officer what happened will help catch that bad man." She reached her hand out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Rachel's ear and cupped her face gently.

Rachel wanted more than anything to be able to help Sanny, and all these adults kept telling her that by talking about what happened that she would be helping. She didn't understand how talking about it helped, but it was the only thing she knew of that _could_ help and she wanted to help so badly. It didn't make sense but it was worth a shot. Rachel nodded her head and then looked back at the cop lady, "Ok...well...mama was at work, she works late some nights, so it was just me and Sanny. I was upstairs in my room playing logic puzzles when the doorbell rang." Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "Santana said it was Quinn and that they needed to talk...so I went back to my room." She chewed on her lip, this was when things had started to get scary. She looked at the cop, "But then when I got to my room the doorbell started ringing a lot of times." She scrunched up her eyebrows and looked at her godmother, "It was weird because nobody every rings the doorbell that much, especially Quinn." She looked back at Detective White, "Mama always only lets me ring it two times when we go to places where we ring the doorbell. She says more than twice is rude."

Detective White nodded, "Ok, so did you go see who was at the door?"

Rachel looked down at her hands, she felt Ruth begin to rub her back gently, "No…Last time I answered the door Sanny yelled at me a lot...and she just told me to go to my room so I just pressed my ear up against my bedroom door to see if I could hear anything."

"Were you able to hear anything?" Detective White asked.

Rachel nodded her head. "Yea...that man was banging on the door and yelling at Sanny from outside. He was yelling bad words and it made me scared… so I ran into Sanny's room to get her phone and called 911. I thought he was going to break down the door." Rachel said matter of factly.

The detective jotted down a few things into her notepad. "Where was your sister during all of this?"

Rachel felt herself deflate at the mention of her sister again. She wanted to see Santana so bad, but after the doctors had looked at her head, her Woowoo told her that she needed to talk to this cop lady before seeing her sissy. She felt like she wasn't ever going to get to see her sister again. It had been so long already. She just wanted to hug her and figure out what was wrong. "I-I…I'm not sure, I didn't see her. She was downstairs before the doorbell rang the first time. Once I got her phone and called 911…" Rachel hung her head, "I hid in her closet, because it is big. I always hide in there for hide and seek."

Detective White saw how hard this was for the eight year old. She could see the defeat in the little girl's body language, "You are helping so much Rachel thank you. Just a few more questions. When you were on the phone with 911 were you able to hear anything else that was happening?"

Rachel felt like she stopped breathing. This was when things got really really scary. She remembered hearing all the screaming and all the noises as she hid in the closet. She remembered grabbing the phone tightly to her ear as she began to cry and breathe quickly. She shook her head trying to come back to the present. She looked up at Ruth.

Ruth watched as the eight year old physically began to freak out. She was nervous for what came next. It was obvious seeing Rachel's reaction to the cop's last question. She knew how important it was to keep Rachel talking though so she walked around Rachel and sat in the chair next to her. "Go on sweetie, it's ok, tell her what you heard if you heard anything, if not it's ok too. Just be honest." She began rubbing her fingers along the little girl's back again.

Rachel nodded, "Honesty is the best policy," She mumbled as she looked down at her hands.

"That's right boo boo bear," Ruth ran her fingers through Rachel's silky dark hair.

Rachel nods her head and then looks at the cop to continue, "When I was in the closet…I heard him in my house. He was yelling at Sanny, so she must have let him in. There were lots of things breaking over and over again. He would yell and then I would hear breaking glass. T-t-then I heard them run past Sanny's room and into my room…" She trailed off. She realized that her cheeks were wet with tears. When did she start crying? She felt her godmother gently pick her up and set her in her lap. Once she was in Woowoo's lap she felt her strong arms wrap around her stomach holding her close. She continued, "Sanny was screaming 'no' over and over." She watched as Detective White scribbled into her notepad. Rachel took a deep breath, "The 911 guy on the phone told me to stay where I was…but…I heard a loud slap and heard my sister screaming. She was screaming so loud and crying…I couldn't stay hidden in there while she was being…beat up?" Rachel furrowed her eyebrows and looked over her shoulder at her godmother, "That is what he was doing right? Beating her up? Fighting?"

Ruth had to blink rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes as she wiped her face to clear the ones that had been falling as Rachel spoke. Rachel's question was so loaded; she didn't know how to answer it. Ruth looked at the cop hesitantly for help and then looked back down at Rachel who was sitting in her lap with wide eyes waiting patiently for an answer, "Rach…" She begun. She licked her upper lip, "me, you and your mama will talk about that part later ok?" She took a deep breath to keep her voice from cracking, "but first finish telling the officer what happened."

Rachel looked unsurely at her godmother then slowly nodded her head at the cop. "I didn't listen to the 911 guy…I ran to my room." She took a deep breath, "When…um…when I got to my room…he was laying on top of my sissy on the floor…" She felt her Woowoo hold back a sob and felt her godmother's arms wrap tighter across her own body. She continued, "and Sanny was crying, she was trying to push him away...but mostly she was crying; a lot. So I pushed him-"

Ruth snapped her head back and leaned to the side to look Rachel square in the face; interrupting Rachel in shock. "You pushed him?"

Rachel looked at her godmother with confused eyes. She didn't want to get in trouble. She knew that violence was never an option. She had been told time and time again that fighting was bad, especially because Santana had gone through a really bad fighting phase, the adults in her life didn't want her to do the same thing. But this was different, she pushed him because she had to, surely she wasn't going to get in trouble for it….was she? Her eyes watered even more as she looked at her godmother, "He…he was hurting Sanny… I was trying…I was trying to help her. She was crying…he was laying on her, smushing her and messing up her clothes." She said quickly.

Ruth stroked the back of Rachel's head lightly running her fingers through her hair to calm her down, "It's ok Rach, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to interrupt. You aren't in trouble. Keep going."

Rachel couldn't help but feel like she was in trouble now because of her godmother's reaction. Should she not have pushed him? Yes, her mother had taught her that fighting was never the answer…but he was hurting her sister. What else should she have done? She didn't want to stay hidden in the closet. She couldn't have stayed there while her sister was screaming and crying. Rachel shook her head.

Detective White brought Rachel back to the present, "Rachel what happened after you pushed him?"

The eight year old looked back at the cop, "Um…he…he got really mad that I pushed him…" Her eyebrows furrowed again, "He was weird though because he smiled when he saw me and said 'look who came to join us'." After the last sentence she said she watched as the cop and her godmother exchanged a look. Both of their faces looked…weird. She turned to Ruth, "What? What is it? Did I say something wrong, Woowoo?"

Ruth was in shock. She looked at the eight year old looking at her, she could hear her asking questions but she couldn't find any words. She simply shook her head as she held her breath. Ruth felt like if she breathed she was going to fall apart. When she and Shelby explained to Rachel when and how to call 911, they hoped she never had to use it. They realized they had to be clearer when Rachel called 911 when Santana burned the frozen pizza and the fire alarm went off. However, Rachel's choice to call saved them both this time. Ruth tried to gulp the lump in her throat, but it was stuck. It was stuck because if Rachel hadn't called... Her thoughts trailed off and the lump in her throat grew. She squeezed her eyes shut at the possibility of more terror that monster could have brought to the family.

She looked down at Rachel. The possibility of it ripped her to shreds and the reality of it still left her speechless.

Detective White answered for her, "No Rachel, not at all." She watched as the young girl refocused her attention on her. She nodded at Rachel, "What did he do next?"

Rachel looked back at Ruth again and this time got a tiny reassuring smile, so she turned back to the cop and continued, "He started walking towards me and I got really scared…because I pushed him. Sanny was begging for him to stop...which was making me even more scared, so I just held her phone really tight and was backing out of the room away from him. That's when he heard it and started getting really really mad."

Detective White furrowed her eyebrows, "Heard what Rachel?"

"The cop cars coming," She clarified. "We all could hear them coming…so he got really mad at me when he found out that I called for help. He uh….he pushed me into the wall… twice...I hit my head…it hurt but he was scary and screaming at me…like a bear. A big bear." Her voice was cracking as her tears fell again.

Ruth let out a quivered breath, "Oh hunny...I'm sorry."

Rachel looked at Ruth but continued to talk, she felt like she was in a trance at this point, "When the sirens were closer he…he slapped me...he slapped me hard…it knocked me down. He ran away after that. I-I-I started to cry because it was really scary and my head hurt b-but...then I saw Sanny…and she was…" She shook her head as tears rushed out of her eyes freely while she remembered the state her sister was in. Santana could barely move, she was lying on the floor, her shirt was ripped, and her lip was bleeding. She had been kicking so hard to get him off of her before and then when he left it was like she was a rock. She just laid there and cried. Rachel shook her head, "She looked like she hurt more than I did…it scared me. I wanted my sissy to be ok…I crawled over and hugged her as she cried." She turned her focus to the cop, "Sanny never cries in front of me…" She said in a matter of fact type of tone. "And she was just…just lying there…crying," Her voice started cracking again.

Detective White looked sympathetically at Ruth and Rachel, "Is that when I got there Rachel? Did anything else happen after that before I got there and found you and your sister?"

Ruth watched as Rachel quietly shook her head. She sniffed her nose and wiped her eyes as she pulled Rachel in close, "You did so great baby." She begun rubbing circles into Rachel's back as she looked at Detective White, "She has a small concussion because of that-" She looked down at Rachel and then decided to choose a different word then what she was originally going to say. "Man." She breathed out a breath she didn't know she was holding. It took everything she had in her not to call him a violent fucking monster of a bastard who deserved to rot in hell for 10 eternities. He certainly wasn't a man, but she didn't want to present that foul language to her eight year old goddaughter. She would call him a pig, but she didn't want to insult the pigs by doing so.

Detective White wrote something down in her notepad, "A concussion?"

Ruth looks down at the top of Rachel's head. She doesn't want to worry Rachel, "Yea, but her mom and myself are doctors. She just needs to be monitored the next couple of hours." She strokes Rachel's dark hair, "She'll be fine…" She mouthed the next few words to the cop, "but emotionally…"

Detective White nodded her head as she stood, "Right. I fully understand mam. Rachel," The officer bent down so she was at the young girl's eye level, "We are going to do everything we can to catch this guy ok? Don't you worry. You've been such a great help, you are one very smart strong little girl. You did everything right by calling 911 and hiding. You helped your sister very much, you know that right?"

All Rachel could do was nod her head slowly. She didn't feel like she did everything right. Her sister had still cried in front of her. Her sister was still hurt. Rachel hung her head, she should have done more.

* * *

Shelby was leaning on the closed door out in the hallway. They had finished the pelvic exam and the doctor left to bring all the samples down to the lab from the entire rape kit and meet with the detective who was assigned to their case. Santana asked to be alone so she could change and have a few minutes to herself, and Shelby reluctantly agreed. So now she found herself leaned against the door to keep her standing on her feet rather than crumbling to the ground.

Her eyes were puffy from crying. Santana's pelvic exam was excruciating to go through. The entire time her daughter sobbed and screamed. She kept begging for it to stop, for it to end. Shelby couldn't help but feel responsible for causing her daughter to go through something so traumatic, but deep down she knew it had to be done for her daughter's health and Shelby's sake of mind. Afterwards Debbie had said that Santana was 'healing nicely', which also broke Shelby's heart. The fact that her daughter had to heal at all gave away a lot more details then Shelby was prepared for. He had been extremely rough on her, literally tearing her, and now all these days later she was still recovering physically. The thought made her want to vomit.

Suddenly Shelby heard familiar tiny footsteps approaching her. She lifted her head and pushed herself off of the door to see her youngest daughter running towards her. Ruth was yelling after her to walk, but Rachel couldn't slow down when her mom was so close. Shelby pulled her daughter into a tight hug once she caught up to Shelby's location. She didn't want to let her go.

Ruth finally caught up to the mother and daughter embrace. Shelby looked up and met her friend's eyes. Without letting go of Rachel she nodded at Ruth, "How did it go?" Shelby couldn't help but feel guilty for not being with her youngest through the interview process and the doctor's checkup. She wanted to know everything that had happened.

She saw her friend nod her head, but before she could open her mouth and answer her friend's question Rachel started to speak from her tight hug, "The lady told me that I helped Sanny..." Rachel paused and suddenly pulled away from her mother, looking frantically around the hallway, "Where is my sister?"

Shelby looked at Ruth as she responded to her daughter, "Santana is getting dressed, she'll be done in a couple minutes, then you can see her and we'll be able to go home." She looked down at Rachel, "Ok?"

Rachel hugged her mother again and nodded into her stomach. After a quiet pause she suddenly snapped her head up to look at her mom, her eyebrows were creased. "Why does she have to get dressed?" She watched as her mother's face faltered. Her mom's kind smile instantly faded and her already glassy eyes got even more fogged with tears. Rachel's eyebrows furrowed even further as she watched her mom remain speechless. Something was going on.

She heard her godmother answer for her mom, "She had a doctor's checkup, she had to put on one of those paper gowns," Rachel reluctantly looked away from her mother over at Ruth, "You know like the ones we have in mama and my offices at work?" Rachel felt her head nod slowly, but her eyebrows were still furrowed, she looked back up at her mom.

"Why did she have to wear one? I just had a checkup and the doctor didn't make me wear one." She stated simply.

Shelby looked at Ruth before she looked down at her daughter. She felt the lump in her throat begin to be extremely hard not to choke out in this moment. She bent down to meet Rachel's eyes, "Rachel..." Shelby started but then realized that she didn't know what to say. She looked up at her best friend for help. Ruth noded her head at Shelby for encouragement. Shelby watched her as she mouthed the words, 'You can do this.'

Ruth cleared her throat not breaking eye contact from Shelby making Rachel look away from her mother for a second, "I'm going to check on Santana so you two can talk." She looked at Rachel, "I am so proud of you boo boo bear." She reached over and combed her hand through Rachel's hair gently before the tall brunette looked back up at her best friend, "And you too." With that she turned and gently knocked on the door behind her, knowing that her other goddaughter was sitting in the room alone. She hadn't seen her since before any of this had started. Before entering she took a deep breath, preparing herself for her first interaction with Santana since the rape.

Shelby watched as her best friend slowly opened the door and squeezed inside, disappearing into the darkness of the room. The door closed softly, leaving Shelby alone with her inquisitive eight year old in an empty hospital hallway.

She looked down at her daughter who was eagerly looking up at her. Shelby sighed, "I know you have a lot of questions Rach..." Rachel nodded her head which made Shelby deflate. A part of her was hoping that Rachel was too tired to have this talk tonight. But deep down she knew she wasn't going to be so lucky. Rachel had been asking questions she couldn't answer all night. She wasn't getting out of this. She had to explain things to Rachel before she heard it from someone else. She had to do what was best for her daughter. She thought of the irony of the situation, she shouldn't have to talk to her eight year old about these serious subjects. No eight year old should have to try to understand what happened to her sister. What could have happened to her if the cops hadn't gotten there when they did. Shelby shook her head at the last thought. Hopefully it will be a long time before Rachel realizes what could have happened tonight. But right now, she deserved answers to her questions. Keeping her in the dark wouldn't be what is best for her. She grabbed her daughter's hand lightly, "Let's go sit over on this bench ok?"

Rachel nodded her head at her mom and quickly followed her to the bench. As soon as they both were sitting Rachel looked at her mom not wanting to waste any more time, "Why did that kit take so long?"

Shelby took a deep breath, here we go. "I'm sorry boo, I know it took a long time. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you when the cop was talking to you..."

Rachel shook her head. That wasn't what she asked. That wasn't why she was asking. She dismissed her mom quickly, "It's ok, Woowoo was with me...I was helping Sanny. The cop said that by me talking to her I would be helping Sanny, so it wasn't that scary because Woowoo was there …and I was helping."

Shelby sighed a breath of relief. She had felt so horrible for missing that interview. She wanted more than anything to be there with Rachel, but she couldn't have left Santana. She would have to find out from Ruth what Rachel had seen and heard and what she had told the detective regarding that evil asshole later. Shelby refocused on her daughter, somehow hearing that Rachel didn't think it was a big deal that Shelby wasn't in the room for her talk with the cop made her feel a sense of relief. "I am so proud of you. You are being such a great help. Your sister and I love you so much."

Rachel looked sheepishly down towards her swinging feet, "I know...I just...how is sissy?" She looked back up at her mother, "Why did the kit take so long? What is it? Why did she need one and not me?"

Shelby tried to swallow that huge lump in her throat again to no avail. She tried to focus on breathing as her last breath hitched in her throat. These were the questions she had been avoiding all night. "Rachel, the mean man...he wasn't just beating up Sanny..." She trailed off. She didn't know how to word it to her eight year old.

"What do you mean?" Rachel's big brown eyes were glued to hers.

"He...did more than that...he has hurt Sanny before. He hurt her before he came to the house tonight."

Rachel took a second to process what her mom had said. Her eyes grew wide, "Is he the one that she got in a fight with last week?"

Shelby hesitated, "Yes baby, he is the one that hurt her the first time." She made the statement more broad. Santana didn't 'get into a fight with' him…but Shelby didn't want to say 'No' because her daughter had been partially right.

"So he beat her up?" She asked simply.

Again, Shelby took a deep breath. This was not easy. "He did more than just beat her up, baby."

Rachel was starting to get frustrated, "You said that already...but what does that _mean_?"

Shelby looked up at the ceiling then back down at her daughter. She knew Rachel was getting frustrated, she knew that she was repeating the same things to her eight year old…but she honestly couldn't think of a way to word it where she would understand. She opened her mouth to try again, "He...touched her in a way... that she didn't want to be touched."

Rachel squinted her eyes as she thought about what she just heard her mother say, "You mean like...when I pinch her and she doesn't want to be pinched? She gets mad when I do that."

"Um…" Shelby took a deep breath as she tried to find the right words, she was confusing her daughter. "No boo, that is not what I mean."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders with a big sigh, "What _do_ you mean then?" She threw her tiny hands up in the air, "Why are you acting funny?"

Shelby shook her head and looked away from her daughter, "I'm sorry baby, I don't mean to be acting weird…this is just a very difficult conversation for me to be having with you right now, because you are my baby." She looked Rachel in the eyes, "You are my baby and I want to keep you my baby as long as I can."

Rachel shook her head, "I'm not a baby though. I'm smart."

Shelby nodded her head, trying to force the tears that have surfaced in her eyes back down, "You are. You are very smart." If Rachel hadn't been smart enough to call 911 then this night would have ended up being even more horrific than Shelby could even begin to imagine. Shelby looked at Rachel and saw that she was waiting for her to continue. She took what felt like the thousandth deep breath of the night to keep her emotions at bay, "The mean man...he made Santana …lie down with him..." Shelby shook her head a little. She wasn't making any sense to her eight year old. She tried again. "He..." She trails off one more time. She ran her tongue along her upper lip as she ran through what felt like thousands of different ways to describe what happened to Santana, trying to think of one that was in a rated G format. Finally an idea came to her head. She hesitated a second before finally saying it, "You know how we talked about the differences between good touches and bad touches?"

Rachel squinted her eyes and looked up at the ceiling trying to remember what her mother and Woowoo had talked to her about. Suddenly she remembered. Her eyebrows rose as she slowly nodded her head.

Shelby watched as realization started to make its way to her daughter's face, "Ok, baby...well, he touched Sanny... in a bad way. He used bad touches to hurt her."

Rachel's eyes grew wide. She could feel tears at the brim of her eyes. She heard what her mother was saying, but what she was saying couldn't be true right? What did it mean? "B-b-ut...what...I don't get it..." She trailed off. Her tears slowly started to make their way down her face.

Shelby can tell her daughter needed her to be direct with her. Stringing her along like this wasn't making it easier on her youngest like she had hoped. She drew in a long steady breath, "He...he…" Her voice cracked so she cleared her throat before continuing, "He hurt Santana in her privates."

With that last sentence Rachel's cheeks instantly became wet, "He…he did?"

"Yes baby." Shelby nodded her head slowly as she watched her daughter take in this information.

"Is that…is that really bad?"

Shelby choked down the sob that wanted to escape her mouth, her eyesight was foggy from all the tears that clouded her vision, "Yes Rachel, it is." She said simply.

Rachel was full-fledged crying now as she sat next to her mom, "But...but why would he do that...why...she...she is my sissy, she is funny and smart and nice and pretty. Why would he hurt her...there?"

Shelby pulled her daughter into her side and begins to stroke her hair. She shook her head. Her eight year old should not be dealing with this very adult issue. Shelby couldn't help but feel guilty for not being home that night, one week ago. If she was home then Santana wouldn't have been able to sneak out to that party. None of this would have happened. Santana wouldn't have had to deal with all of these complex emotions and fears and Rachel wouldn't have to be talking to the cops and having to learn what rape is.

Shelby finally replied to her daughter's question, "I don't know baby...we don't know why he did it. We just know that this is really hard for Sanny right now. She is scared and we just have to be there for her. Us being there for her is going to help make her feel better faster." She continued to let her daughter cry into her side as she brushed her hair and stared at the closed door she knew her other daughter and best friend were behind.

* * *

Ruth entered the pale lit room to find that Santana was already dressed. She was sitting in the dark on the table staring at her lap as she looked at her nails.

...

I have been sitting on this table for what felt like hours even though I know it was really just minutes. I got dressed as fast as I could, the doctor definitely didn't need to tell me twice. I was disappointed when putting on my clothes I didn't feel any less exposed, but I should have expected that. Everything was out in the open now. My mom had to just talk me down from a hysterical fit minutes earlier. Debbie the doctor had to physically hold one of my legs while my mom held the other because I kept trying to close them out of instinct causing the exam to last even longer than it should have. Twenty minutes of pure torture, and my mom had been there to witness it all. I shook my head. As soon as I hear the door close I looked up from my lap. My godmother was standing at the door; her face was full of sadness and remorse.

I deflated even more, sinking further into myself, "You know?"

My godmother hesitated as she looked deep into my eyes. "Yes baby, I know." She replied quietly.

I couldn't continue to look at her. I instantly dropped my gaze to the floor next to her and whisper, "Everyone knows now." My voice is cracking again.

Ruth quickly walks closer towards me and stops inches from my body as she gently rests her hand on my knee, "That isn't true."

Tears are streaming from my eyes again, I finally look at my godmother, "My sister was there. She was in the room when he started...touching me..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence. I didn't want to talk about the details anymore. I shook my head, "I don't know how much she saw..." I dropped my voice to barely above a whisper, "I shouldn't have opened the door. Why did I open the door?" I was talking to myself now. Almost forgetting that Ruth was standing in front of me.

Ruth cupped my face gently, "San-"

I cut her off, "H-he said he would hurt mom...if I didn't let him in. I just..." I shook off her hand and threw my head into my own hands as they rested on my knees. "I'm so stupid. So stupid and so weak." I manage to choke out between sobs.

My Woowoo's voice rings out strongly, "Santana Maree. You are neither of those things."

My tired puffy eyes slowly meet my godmother's as I lift my head from my hands, "I shouldn't have let him in. I should have gone outside. I shouldn't have even put Rachel in that risk...it was my fault he was there." I began shaking my head to myself, "I should have gone outside," I repeated again. I grew silent. I hadn't even thought of that at the time. Why didn't I think of that option? I should have gone out the side door and met him in the front yard. He would have done whatever he wanted to me, but at least my sister wouldn't have been in harm's way. At least she wouldn't have had to witness anything he was doing to me. I was already ruined. He ruined me that night at Puck's party, but there was no reason that my sister should have been ruined too. She shouldn't have experienced any of this. This was my thing to deal with. This was all my fault.

My godmother is suddenly on the table next to me. She turns my head to face her, "Rachel is going to be fine. You are going to be fine." She was looking me dead in the eyes and it was killing me.

I shook my head, "I was raped." My voice cracked as a breath hitched in my throat. "I was raped" I said again with more force behind it. As soon as the words left my mouth another time I felt like my chest was caving in. Saying it out loud was horrible, "I...I was..." I couldn't even finish saying it a third time before hard sobs overtake my body again.

My godmother pulls me into a tight hug, resting her head on my own. She is repeating, "I know. I know baby. Shh..." to try to calm me down. Once the initial sobs wear down, I can feel my godmother's fingers brushing through my hair. She lifts her head from my own, "This hasn't made you broken San. You will be fine again. You are incredibly strong and smart and inspiring."

"I don't feel that way...not anymore," I say from Ruth's chest.

"You will feel that way again," She replied. She pulled me out of the hug so she could look me directly in the eyes. "You will. We will all help you."

Looking into my godmother's eyes I could see that she was scared and sad and on the brink of tears herself, but I also saw the love. The love that she's always had when she looks at me is still there, even after learning about everything that happened… It made my heart swell and ache at the same time. For the moment I had to put my own fears and insecurities away and let her be right. In this moment I chose to let my godmother be right about this. My eye's clouded again as I slowly nodded my head, "Okay."

Ruth let out a tiny smile as a few tears rolled down her cheeks, "Come here." She pulled me into another tight hug, "I love you so much."

* * *

Rachel continued to look at her mom. She was trying really hard to understand everything that had happened, thinking all the way back to the first night when she had walked in on Quinn and Santana fighting and discovered that her sister had been beaten up. Raped, she corrected herself, not just beat up. Her mom just explained to her that the word for what happened to Sanny was 'rape.' She looked across the hallway at the door she knew her sister was behind with Woowoo. Some things made more sense now that she talked to her mom, but she still had questions. She looked at her mom. Her mom looked so sad and tired; she couldn't ask her anymore questions it would just make her more sad and more tired.

She looked back at the door. She didn't understand why. Why did this happen? Why did he pick Santana? She really wanted to see her sister and give her a big hug. She missed her sister. All these secrets…Santana had been acting so different. She never spent time with her, she didn't pick her up from dance by herself like she used to, she didn't laugh and joke, she did complain about any of her rants…and now she kind of knew why. It made Rachel want to hug her sister. It made her want to hug Santana and never let go.

Rachel stood up quickly and started walking towards the door, against her mother's protests. Her mom stayed sitting on the bench, but she was at the door now. She put her hand on the door knob and slowly opened it. Her sister and godmother were sitting on the doctor's table in a hug.

As soon as Ruth saw her youngest goddaughter enter the room she slipped off the table and met the stunned child at the door. She ran her hand through Rachel's hair causing the young girl to look up at her, "You ok?" She asked Rachel.

Rachel looked at Ruth, she nodded her head. She could feel her tears in her eyes.

"Ok," Ruth said as she bent down and kissed Rachel's head. "Go see your sissy." She said lightly to her as she stepped aside. Ruth watched as Rachel slowly walked towards Santana and climbed the stool to get on the table. She walked to the door to give them some privacy. Just as she was about to close the door she watched as Rachel pulled Santana into a hug and whispered to the older girl, "I'm sorry."

* * *

Ruth finally looked over at Shelby, "You were the pregnant girl in med school."

Shelby looked over at her friend. They had been sitting in silence since Ruth joined her on the bench. The sound of the girls crying could barely be heard through the door, across the hallway on the bench they had been sitting on. They had been sitting in silence and Ruth broke the silence with that random fact about her life? Where was she going with this one? She waited for her best friend to continue.

"No one thought you would even make it and then BAM you graduated. First in our class...you only got one B. In all of medical school you got all A's except for that one single B+...and you had to deal with your crazy ass hormones and then a crying, vomiting little lovely terror at home whom you took excellent care of." Ruth stated.

Shelby continued to look at her friend with furrowed eyebrows. Where was she going with this?

Ruth sighed and smiled at her best friend, "You are amazing Shelby."

Shelby looked away from her friend quickly, "Yea but this is about my kids Ruth. Not about grades or making it through numerous sleepless nights studying for med school. This isn't something I can find answers to in a textbook. I don't have a professor that can teach me what to do here." She looked back at Ruth. She looked directly into her friend's eyes as she felt her own water, "Santana was...she was raped. Brutally. By a stranger. Who then threatened her. Then he found her again and came into our house and tried to do it again in front of her eight year old sister. He is still out there...I just...I don't know what to do."

Ruth cupped her friend's face gently, "You are doing it Shel. You are doing your best. You are doing exactly what Santana and Rachel need...they need you to be there and that is exactly what you are doing."

Shelby shook her face from her friend's hand and looked down at her lap as tears worked their way down her cheeks, "I know...I just...med school, residency, passing our boards, and opening and starting our own practice was easier combined than this is alone."

Ruth sighed, "I couldn't imagine." She rested her hand on her friend's knee, "but Shel your best is all they need right now and you are giving it to them. You are an amazing mom."

Shelby wiped her tears and sat up a little taller, shaking her head with a barely there smile on her face. "I feel like I am just searching for compliments from you lately. "

Ruth let out a small laugh through her own tears and nudged her friend in her side playfully, "Now that you mention it...it does seem a lot like that. Not cool. You owe me some good ones!"

The two adults chuckled a little as Shelby wiped more tears from her face. Ruth continued, "Seriously Shelby, all kidding aside, you are such an amazing person. Your daughters are so lucky to have you as their mom."

"Thanks Ruth...I just...I want to be enough. You know?" She looked at her friend, "It is hard not having their dad here...I feel like he would have known what to do...I feel like he would have made better choices. I-"

Ruth cut off her best friend before she could go any further, "I know you miss him Shel, it is ok to miss him...he was the love of your life and a great dad...but don't ever think for even a second that he wouldn't be extremely proud of everything you have done and everything you are doing for your girls. Every decision you make for them is the right one hun." She smiled gently at Shelby, "And besides...they have a kickass godmother here for them too who gives wonderful pep talks to their mom to keep her sane and fighting...so don't worry about not being enough...because you always have been and you always will be." She smiled even bigger, "Capeesh?"

Shelby looked at her friend lovingly. She was so extremely grateful to have her in her life. She was her rock, she did keep her sane. "Capeesh," she responded quietly.

The two adults sat for another few minutes in silence, Ruth gently stroking Shelby's hand. Santana and Rachel were still alone in the closed hospital room with each other. Shelby couldn't bring herself to get up and check in on them. She knew that they needed time alone with each other, and she was tired and wasn't prepared to put on her brave face again just yet so it worked out well.

Shelby looked over at Ruth, "Tomorrow night I'm going to go speak with Russell Fabray…"

Ruth rolled her eyes, "What did that jerk say now?" She was familiar with Quinn's parents and their inability to properly parent. Ruth had had a few run ins with Russell in the past, which resulted in him and her agreeing to never speak again with each other. Hearing all the cruel things he has said to Quinn over the years has really irked her and gotten under her skin, she wasn't as strong and mature as Shelby was to be able to hold it in for Quinn's sake. She told Russell that he needed to stop being such an absent parent and pull his head out of his ass and be there for his daughter's orchestra concerts, cheerleading games, competitions and school banquets…. It didn't do any good. He had just rolled his eyes and made rude comments about her absent family life. No, Ruth hadn't had any kids of her own, but she sure as hell loved Santana, Rachel and Quinn as if they were part of her flesh and blood. She shook her head and looked at Shelby waiting for an answer to her question.

Shelby sighed, "Santana told me something earlier today…" She closed her eyes and shook her head remembering that this conversation with her daughter had been the same day as all of the other things that were happening right now. This day seemed to be never ending. She looked at her friend, "I'm going to tell Russell that Judy and I think that it would be best if Quinn comes and lives with me and the girls."

Ruth's eyes grew wide. She wasn't expecting this at all. "Judy agreed?" She shook her head, "What happened? What did Santana tell you?" She was trying to think of something that would spark this sudden huge movement. Nothing was coming to mind. He had been horrible to the girl since they met Quinn eight years ago. It had gotten increasingly worse as the years went on, but Ruth never would have imagined that Judy Fabray would agree that Quinn shouldn't live in their house anymore. There had to be something she was missing.

Shelby turned her hand around and grabbed Ruth's hand firmly in her own. Ruth looked down at the sudden grasp and then looked up at Shelby with worried eyes. Her eyes darted back and forth between Shelby's to try to figure out what was about to be said. Shelby finally spoke, "Russell has been spanking Quinn on a regular basis. He uses a belt." She heard her friend gasp but she forced herself to continue, "It's been happening for years…and from what I understand it happens a lot." She shook her head, "Santana said that there have been numerous times when he has left Quinn with welts and bruises."

"Oh my god." Ruth muttered quietly. This was not what she was expecting. She thought harder, should she have expected it?

Shelby looked down at her lap, "There had been times I've suspected…. But I didn't want to say anything… I didn't want to see it. I hate that I was probably right." She looked back at her friend, "I should have asked Quinn more." She paused as she searched her memory, "There had been so many times that she had odd bruises or would look uncomfortable sitting at Sunday dinner…" She trailed off as her brain ran through all of the different occasions. "I shouldn't have believed her excuses. Her cheerleading injuries or pulled muscles from training…. I'm a doctor; I should have seen the signs."

Ruth sat silently next to Shelby. After a minute of silence she looked at her best friend, "I'm sorry I'm just…. I'm shocked. I had no idea either." She shook her head, "How did we both miss this?"

Shelby gave a heavy sigh, "I don't know… but I originally told Quinn that I would be by tomorrow night because I wanted to talk it over with my girls first tonight...but... that didn't happen." She looked at the closed door that her daughters were still sealed behind. "Obviously, they won't be going to school tomorrow…" She shook her head, "so I'll find a way to squeeze in the conversation during the day before I go to the Fabray's after school lets out."

Ruth shook her head slowly as she looked at her best friend, "You have a lot on your plate."

Shelby shrugged her shoulders and ran her hand through her hair, "I don't have a choice. I…" She trailed off as tears brimmed her eyes and she shook her head, "I didn't know that he knew where she lived."

It took Ruth a second to realize that Shelby was talking about Santana's attack now. She shook her head sadly in response and waited for her friend to continue.

Shelby dropped her hand from her hair and looked at Ruth, "He took her license. He took it and then threatened that he would come find her if she told anyone… I mean…" She let out a harsh breath.

Ruth fought the urge to cry again. She hadn't known that detail. "None of this could have been expected Shelby." Ruth said strongly.

"That doesn't mean that I don't blame myself, for not being there…or for not pushing her more. I should have made her talk to me. I should have known that he had her license."

Ruth shook her head and made sure her friend was paying attention, "She wasn't ready to talk Shelby, you can't beat yourself up about that." Ruth didn't want her friend slipping down the 'I'm responsible' track when the only one responsible for San's pain is that monster himself.

Shelby felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She quickly wiped it, "I just….I don't know…" She shook her head, "and Quinn now too…I don't know how I missed all of this."

"It wasn't just you Shel, I had no idea either. She hid it well."

Shelby responded quickly, "She is 16…she shouldn't be so good at hiding something so…terrible."

Ruth nodded her head, "I agree. But that is why you are going over there and getting her. I think it is a wonderful idea. She is already a part of the family. It makes sense."

"Does it?" Shelby asked suddenly unsure of herself. She knew that Quinn should under no circumstances stay in such an unstable abusive home; however, she wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing by her by taking her in under her roof. She wanted Quinn to be happy and healthy, and she deeply wanted to be enough for Quinn but suddenly she wasn't feeling too sure about herself.

Ruth nodded her head, "She needs to be out of that house. She loves you, and the girls love her. This is a no brainer." She said simply.

"I just want to do what is best for her…."

Ruth nodded her head, "And that is because you love her like another daughter, which is exactly what she needs from the sound of it."

"Mrs. Lopez?" Detective White's voice suddenly interrupted the women's conversation as she walked down the hall towards the bench they were sitting on. Shelby wiped her face and stood up instantly, smoothing out her clothes as the detective approached. Shelby extended her hand for a friendly welcome, the detective shook it, "I hope I'm not interrupting."

Shelby gave the kind detective a small smile, feeling her best friend stand by her side, "We are just giving the girls a little space together for a few minutes." Shelby nodded at the closed door that her two daughters sat behind.

Detective White nodded her head in understanding. She pulled a small card from her side pocket, "I wanted to give you my business card. Your girls' statements are really strong and thorough. I know it was very difficult for both of them, but they both did great. If they think of anything that they remember later that they want to add, I wanted you to have a way of contacting me." She let go of her card as the mother took it.

Shelby looked down at the business card, "Thank you…" She studied the card for a minute, rubbing her thumb over the slightly raised letters. She felt like all of this had been a dream, but clearly it wasn't. She shook her head and refocused on the cop standing patiently in front of her, "What is the next step? I mean…. Now, what do we do? He got away…"

"Well, finding and catching him is at the top of our priorities now. We will have all of our available officers searching for him." Detective White looked at the mom. She took a deep breath, "From Santana's descriptions of him and his MO: the knife and taking her ID for her address to scare her into silence…it matches a few other cases we have been trying to build on over the past few months."

Shelby's eyes grew wide, "So he's done this to other girls? To other families?"

Detective White nodded her head, "Yes mam' we have reason to believe it is the same perp."

Shelby was silent. She felt her friend's hand on her shoulder so she leaned into it. "So…so you are going to find him." Her last sentence was meant to be a question but came out more like a statement. They had to find him. They had to put him in prison. Her girls couldn't be looking over their shoulder for the rest of their lives.

"I am going to work on this night and day until I find him." The detective said as she nodded her head. "In the meantime, Lima PD is going to assign two squad cars to your residence at all times for protection and security. We want you all to be able to live your lives without fear of him coming to your home again."

Shelby felt the tears in her eyes. Knowing that two cops would be watching over them constantly gave her a sense of relief, while at the same time making her even more upset. The fact that they needed to have two cops protecting them made her heart ache, it reminded her yet again why they were all standing in the hospital talking to a cop as her girls cried in the room in front of her.

Ruth stepped forward, "Thank you, detective."

Detective White smiled, "Erin," She corrected Ruth.

Shelby was brought back from her short lived daze, "We appreciate your kindness, so much."

The cop gave a sad smile to the two women, "I need to get going, please give me a call if you need anything at all. You'll be able to reach me anytime with that number. We will keep you updated on any news from our end." With that Detective White bowed her head and headed back down the hallway, leaving the two adult's alone again.

Ruth stepped in front of her friend, "Let's go get the girls and head home. They need to sleep, you need to sleep. I'll stay with you at your place tonight; I don't want to leave you alone."

Shelby was too weak to argue with her friend, she simply nodded her head, tucked the detective's business card deep into her back pocket and wiped any evidence of tears from her own face before turning to collect her daughters. Ruth was right, they needed to go home. This terrible long day needed to end.

* * *

**AN: Thank you all for reading and being patient with me. It is much appreciated. I hope you weren't dissappointed in any way by this chapter. I love all of your feedback. Reviews are loved! -E**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: hello all! First of all, thank you for the wonderful reviews. Please keep them coming, they do brighten my day a lot when they are received. Secondly, I'd like to apologize for not getting this chapter up sooner. Life has been pretty annoyed with me lately it seems so I've had a lot to deal with the past week. **

**This chapter seemed to run away from me, I have no idea how it ended up becoming 13.5k words. Sorry for the length but I felt that the stopping point I chose for this chapter had to be where the chapter ended. I couldn't find another place to cut it. Sorry that there is so much here; nonetheless, I do hope that you enjoy it. Thanks again!**

**Chapter 16**

Shelby and Ruth leaned onto the kitchen island the next morning with large cups of coffee in their hands. The house was silent. The girls were still asleep from the night before, tucked away upstairs. The grandfather clock could be heard ticking away as the older women sipped their warm drinks alone in the kitchen.

Both Rachel and Santana had gone right to sleep once they arrived home from the hospital last night. They were both exhausted from the entirely too long day they both had to face. Shelby tucked both of her daughter's into Santana's bed. They fell asleep holding each other, which Shelby couldn't help but be grateful for. Rachel hadn't wanted to leave Santana's side since emerging from the hospital room with her sister, but thankfully Santana seemed to want her sister to be near her as well. The girls had slept through the night with minimal nightmares together in Santana's room while Ruth and Shelby slept in Shelby's overly large bed.

Shelby looked at the time before she stared into her nearly empty cup, "I have to call Quinn to let her know that Santana won't be at school today."

Ruth turned her head to look at her friend, "Are you going to tell her what happened last night?"

Shelby shook her head quickly, "I can't tell her over the phone and expect her to go to school." She shook her head again, "that wouldn't be fair. It's something that needs to be told face to face."

Ruth nodded in agreement, "and you are going over to her house later…"

Shelby nodded her head as she stood up straighter, "I am. So…" She sighed, "I just know that Quinn would worry if Santana didn't show up to school without warning." She looked in the direction of the stairs, "the girls are here. They are safe. We are here…" Shelby trailed off. She took a breath, "there is no reason to have Quinn worry about any of this. I'll tell her after we are finished at her parents tonight, but until then I'll just tell her that San won't be at school." She nodded her head at herself.

Ruth agreed, "that sounds like a good plan."

Shelby took a deep breath and set down her coffee mug. She smoothed out her shirt and nodded her head as she walked to the kitchen phone to call Quinn.

* * *

Quinn had to leave for school in 20 minutes. She had already showered, pulled her hair up into the required tight pony tail and changed into her Cheerio uniform. She stared into the full length mirror that sat in the corner of her room, taking in her appearance. The young girl sighed as she reached for her sweat pants and pulled them up over her skirt. This was something she had to do every morning in order to avoid a confrontation with her father. She didn't want to give him a reason to start about the size of her thighs or her 'promiscuity'. She found covering up to be much better and easier. Once she got to school she would peel off the sweat pants and carry on her day like usual.

Through the reflection, Quinn's eyes landed on a picture that was sitting on her desk. It was a picture of Santana and her at a Thanksgiving dinner a few years back. They were wearing aprons, pretending to help cook dinner. In the picture they had flour all over their cheeks, their smiles covered their faces and their eyes were bright and happy. Quinn's smile at the memory slowly faded as she refocused on the reflection of herself. Her eyes didn't have that sparkle anymore.

Quinn continued to stare at her reflection as her mind instantly wandered to Mama Lopez. The voicemail she had left her yesterday was something that she could have never prepared herself for. Quinn felt her heart begin to race. She had no idea what Santana had told the older woman and because of that it made Quinn feel completely unprepared. Surely Santana wouldn't have told her everything… there wasn't a reason for that. None the less, she must have told her something big in order for Mama Lopez to call her mother and set up a secret plan to come bombard her father with this evening after school.

Quinn thought back to yesterday, arriving home after practice. She had been so incredibly nervous that her mother had spilled the beans to her father about Shelby's phone call. She was certain that her world would end because of it; however, much to her surprise the yelling that took place last night had just covered the incident at the restaurant from dinner Saturday night. Nothing was mentioned about Mama Lopez. She hadn't seen her mother the rest of the night either. Judy seemed to be avoiding her more so than normal, and Quinn knew it was because her mother didn't want her father to figure out that she was hiding something from him. Luckily Quinn was just lectured and instructed to never eat off of other people's plates again and was told to never embarrass her father like that in the future. Quinn had even managed to get out of the impending spanking thankfully, as her bottom was still incredibly tender from Rachel's visit Friday night. The teenager's eyes rested on the bruise that was still forming on her neck in her reflection. She gently raised her hand and lightly ran her fingers over the cluster of dark colors. She sighed and dropped her hand from the tender spot; she needed to put more makeup on. The shades of green and purple could still be seen.

Quinn's phone started ringing, bringing her instantly out of her daze. She quickly picked up her cellphone and looked at the screen: Mama Lopez. Quinn stared at the phone for a second, frozen in dread and nerves. The teenager hesitantly opened the phone to accept the call, "Hello?" She asked quietly.

"Quinn?" Shelby's voice rang through.

"Yea?"

"Good morning, sweetheart," Shelby sighed into the phone, "How are you?"

Quinn gripped the phone in her hand tightly and looked around her room anxiously, making sure that her door was shut completely and that she was alone. She wasn't sure how to answer the question. It seemed like a loaded question. It wasn't just a simple, 'how are you', she actually genuinely cared about her response and the teen could tell by the tone. Quinn slowly answered, "I'm…um…fine…"

Shelby paused for a second, knowing that she couldn't really push the issue at this very moment since the girl had to get ready to leave for school soon. Quinn's answer didn't sound very genuine. She shook her head, "Okay…good." She breathed, "I know you are getting ready to leave for school soon so I'll keep this short, but I just wanted to let you know that San won't be going today."

Quinn stood up straighter. Her voice came out stronger, "is everything okay?" She instantly forgot about her minor problems as her head flooded with everything that her best friend has been dealing with. Had something happened? Was she sick? Did she have a flashback? Was she okay?

Before the young girl could freak out anymore Shelby spoke quickly into the phone, "she just needs to rest. I'm going to stay home with her today." The older woman bit her lip, at least that wasn't a complete lie. She heard Quinn sigh a breath of relief into the phone, which only made Shelby feel even more guilty. The woman shook her head; this was what was for the best. There was no need to have Quinn worry about what happened last night since Santana was safe and home now. She would tell Quinn later, but right now as the teen was about to go to school…was not the right time.

"Oh…ok…" Quinn was trying to get her heart rate under control, "I will pick up her work for her from our classes."

Shelby smiled into the phone. Quinn has always been such a sweet kind hearted girl, she loved that about her. "Thanks sweetie," Shelby paused before continuing, "and don't forget I will be coming by after school today."

Quinn gripped the edge of her desk at the sudden change in subject. Her voice cracked, "I...I didn't forget...I...you don't need to do this. There isn't anything..." She cleared her voice, "you don't have to do this."

Shelby paused before speaking, "I do." She said simply into the phone, "This isn't up for discussion, Quinn. I've already spoken to your mother. I don't want you to worry about it."

Quinn shook her head, "But-"

Shelby instantly cut her off, "no 'buts'...I want you to enjoy your day at school okay? And I will be seeing you later. I love you very much Quinn."

Quinn felt the tears sting at her eyes, "I...I..." She released a small sob unable to contain it any longer as the tears rolled quickly down her cheeks. She wanted to object more, she wanted to tell her that she shouldn't do this, but she didn't know how. And Mama Lopez sounded like her mind was made up already. It felt like a punch in the gut for the young blonde. Her life was spinning so far out of control she didn't know what to do. Her voice cracked as she whispered into the phone, "I love you too."

Shelby heard the tears in Quinn's voice. It broke her heart, "oh baby, don't cry." She wished she was there to pull Quinn into a long hug, "Everything will be okay."

Quinn couldn't help but think about how Mama Lopez had no idea what she was getting herself into. She felt responsible for that. She had seen her dad at his scariest…and she was sure that tonight wasn't going to go over without seeing that monster come out. It made her feel extremely worried and sick to her stomach with anxiety. She didn't want this to happen. She didn't want Mama Lopez to see who her dad really was, who she had been hiding for the past eight years. She already knew too much.

"Quinn?" Shelby's voice brought Quinn out of her panicked thoughts.

Quinn shook her head and forced herself to calm down. She quickly picked up her hunched shoulders and forced her mask on her face and through her voice. "Okay…." She managed to squeak out.

Mama Lopez must have bought her tone in her voice because the young girl could swear she heard the smile that crossed along Shelby's lips. Shelby nodded her head, "I'll see you later, have a good day…I love you." A click could be heard, and just like that the phone call was disconnected.

Quinn slowly lowered her phone from her ear as she looked into her reflection again. She looked at the scared worn face that was her own and glanced at the barely covered bruises along her neck. "Shit." She muttered to herself.

* * *

Rachel and I had been sitting quietly on the couch all day. She had a book to read while I just stared off into the wall lost in my own thoughts. Every few minutes Rachel would look over at me and open her mouth to say something but then would choose to go back to her book instead. I didn't push her, because I couldn't find the strength in me to answer any of her questions. Our mother had spent the day making us food, making phone calls, tidying up the house and working on paperwork for her practice. Up until thirty minutes ago we had all spent the day quietly in the house all coexisting together, while not having any real conversations….which I was grateful for. Yesterday was such a big day. First with my return to school, then with me telling my mom about Quinn's secret that we had been hiding for years…then him…then all the cops and doctors at the hospital… I shook my head. It was a big day. Today it was nice not to have to talk or be poked or prodded.

Thirty minutes ago Ruth showed up at our house again with coffee for my mother. The two of them went into the office and talked, closing the door behind them to hide their conversation. I was too tired to try to go eaves drop like I normally would have in the past. When my mom emerged from the office she had a determined look on her face. I noticed for the first time that she was fully dressed with her shoes on and her purse draped over her shoulder, like she was going somewhere. She had informed us that she was going to go to Quinn's house. The mention of my best friend's name made my heart ache. I didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing as Russell was very unpredictable.

My mom had told me and my sister that Quinn would be staying with us starting from tonight and moving forward. She said she was going to go talk to Russell about the new arrangement that her and Judy had come up with. Rachel had stayed silent the entire time, which was very out of character for her. The only thing she had said to my mom was to 'be careful', which resulted in the adults and myself giving her a strange look. It was in that moment that I remembered Quinn telling me that Rachel had gone to Russell's house to talk to him about being nicer. I cringed at the thought of what that asshole had yelled at my baby sister in order to make her issue my mom a warning.

My mom had left for the Fabray's. Ruth had gone into the office to check her email and catch up on some billing. I hated that Ruth needed to be here 'in case we needed her'. I was grateful, but I still hated it. I hated all of this. Rachel went into the kitchen to get something to drink, and I remained sitting in the same spot on the couch that I had occupied all day so far. Finally Rachel came sauntering back into the living room silently. This much silence from Rachel was very unusual. It made me feel guilty and made my heart break at the same time. The only reason she was so quiet was because of everything that happened. Everything that I had caused.

Rachel looked over at me quietly. She was full of questions, and so far today I had been able to avoid them. I knew it was only a matter of time until I wouldn't be able to put them off any longer. I glanced over at her as she sat down next to me on the couch with her fresh glass of water. She was playing with the condensation on the outside of the glass. I gave a small smile, "Are you going to drink that?"

Rachel looked over at me again. When she didn't smile back at me, I knew that her mind was too filled with her questions to even bother trying to joke back with me. My smile faded instantly. She looked back in the direction of the kitchen with furrowed eyebrows. I followed her gaze, but saw nothing. I looked back at her, "Why are there cop cars out front?"

I watched her change her focus back to me. She must have been looking out of the front window while she was getting her water… I sighed. Here come the questions. I had to do this for her. She is a part of this now, even though it hurt me to my core knowing that. "Because they are making sure that he doesn't come back here." I was to the point.

I watched Rachel take in my answer then slowly nod her head. She looked back at her cup, "How long will they be there for?"

I watched her begin to draw on her cup again. "I don't know, boo...when they catch him?" I answered honestly.

My little sister looked up at me with wide eyes, "When is that gonna be?"

The look on her face made me want to run into my room and shut the door and cry, but I knew I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't shut Rachel out, it wasn't fair to her the first time, and now that she had to witness….what she witnessed… it would be completely wrong for me to do. So instead I sat up a little taller and opened my mouth, "I don't know...they...the cops are working on it, I guess."

Rachel deflated at my answer. It wasn't what she wanted to hear. She wanted to have a specific time line. She wanted to know by what date we wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. I wasn't going to lie to her anymore, so I couldn't give her one, since it was impossible to predict. She frowned. "Oh... " She trailed off and took a sip of her water before looking at me again, "Has he...has he hurt other girls...the way he hurt you?"

That question knocked the wind out of me. My eyes started to tear instantly without warning. I knew that my mother had talked to Rachel and explained what had happened to me in a very basic way for Rachel to be able to comprehend. However, hearing Rachel phrase her question that way showed me first hand that she understood that this was more than just someone 'beating me up' like she had thought all along. I felt a few tears pour down my cheeks. Rachel now understood that he had hurt me in a more intimate way. Rachel now understood what rape was.

Rachel quickly brought me out of my internal freak out, "Sorry...I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry." She spoke very quickly as she hung her head, her own tears had filled her eyes.

I quickly wiped at my face and urged the remainder of my tears to push back into my eyes. I couldn't break down like this. It was making Rachel feel guilty…and she should not feel guilty in the least. I chewed my lip and moved closer to my sister. I gently set my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to my side. I rubbed her shoulder and sighed, "No Rach...I'm sorry, it's ok...it's not you." I took a deep breath and held my sister close. "What he did… the way he hurt me...it's not just like a booboo that goes away when it heals."

My sister and I both stared forward at the carpet. I felt her nod her head. The next time she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper, "Do you...do you still hurt?" I felt her pick up her arm and out of the corner of my eye I could see her pointing downwards, "Down there?" She clarified.

I felt tears roll down my face again. I tightened my grasp on my sister's shoulder instinctively. I was so grateful that I had moved closer to her so that I didn't need to look her in the face or see her face while these types of questions were being asked…and I was being forced to answer. I couldn't do this if I had to look at my baby sister's face. I took a deep breath and trained my eyes on the rug in front of us, "um...a little...yes." I answered honestly. It was more than just the physical pain though; it was much more complex than that. Before I realized, my mouth started talking, "but it's more than just that. It's...when a boy hurts a girl in the way that he...hurt me... it takes a long time to get better, even after your booboos have gone away."

I felt my sister look up at me. I didn't return her gaze as she asked another question, "But why?" Her voice was so innocent.

I continued to look away from her at the floor in front of me. If I looked at her than I wouldn't be able to answer this question, or the ones that I knew would follow it. I knew that when I answered this question I wasn't going to be able to control my face; I wasn't going to be able to stop the tears that were already rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't look at my sister when I couldn't control these things, so instead I kept my focus trained on the carpet. I tried to think of the right way to phrase what I wanted to say. It was proving to be a difficult task sine Rachel was only eight years old. I shook my head, "When you are older you'll understand it more, Rach."

"But I'm not older. I'm eight." She whined. "I want to understand right now. I'm older than I was yesterday."

I gave a deep sigh, "You are...yes." I knew coming into this that Rachel would be asking tough questions, but what I didn't realize was how hard it would be to explain them in terms that she would be able to understand, because no eight year old should have to understand these things. I focused on the carpet again, "I... what he did..." I shook my head as tears fell down my cheeks, "What we did together..." I corrected myself, "It is supposed to be something that is...good." I didn't feel Rachel's eyes on me anymore which I was grateful for. She was now staring off into the carpet just as I was currently doing. I licked my upper lip and continued with my explanation, "People my age and grownups…they do it all the time because they want to be with someone special. But, since...I didn't want it..."

My mind instantly flashed back to when he was laying on top of me with my leg hiked up onto his shoulder as he pumped in and out of me mercilessly. I shook my head to get the images from my mind and had to force myself to breathe once I realized that the last breath had frozen in my chest. I cleared my throat, "I didn't want to do that with him, but he didn't care, he made me do it anyway...and because of that it hurts worse than just a booboo."

I had finished my explanation but Rachel hadn't spoken. She was sitting next to me as I grabbed her shoulder and held her into my side strongly. Her eyes seemed to be trained to the same area of the rug as mine were. We both sat in silence, nothing but my ragged breaths could be heard. I was crying silently next to my little sister, but I was trying incredibly hard to keep my sobs from letting her know.

Finally Rachel looked up at me, "Does it hurt you to talk about it?"

I bit my lip as more tears fell. I nodded my head, "A little...yea...it does." My voice was cracking.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rachel nod her head. She reached across my lap and grabbed my other hand in her own as she laid her head into my shoulder, "Okay, then I won't ask any more questions."

I finally turned my head to look at the top of my little sister's head. I squeezed her hand tightly and she looked up at my wet eyes, "I' m sorry Rach." I managed to choke out.

I watched as my little sister let go of my hand and reached up to cup my cheek, a gesture that felt way beyond her years but was incredibly comforting none the less. Her big brown eyes gazed deeply into mine as I she took in how broken I was in this moment. Something I never imagined I would let her see. She nodded gently at me without breaking eye contact and replied, "I love you Sanny."

I instantly pulled her into a tight hug, wrapping both of my arms around her upper back as I rested my face into her neck. A small sob managed to escape my mouth in this serene moment between me and my sister as more tears fell from my eyes. "I love you," I whispered into her ear. I squeezed her tighter in my arms and put more strength in my voice, "I love you, boo."

* * *

Shelby entered the quiet estate. Judy was leading her to her husband's library, Shelby noticed that the woman had a nervous look on her face. Stopping at the grand staircase, Shelby watched as Judy yelled up, "Quinn, darling, please come down stairs."

"Coming!" Shelby heard Quinn's voice respond almost instantly out of habit.

Quinn silently ran down the steps towards her mother before she saw Shelby standing at the bottom of the stairs. The young girl froze mid step for a split second as her face instantly dropped. Shelby watched as she quickly regained her composure and finished walking down the steps slowly. Once she was at the bottom she opened her mouth, "Hey, Mama Lopez…" She felt like she couldn't look into her eyes. She pulled her hair around her shoulder and started playing with it nervously.

Shelby smiled sadly at the girl. She could see and feel the nervousness quickly encompass the grand hallway. Shelby pulled Quinn into a quick hug and kissed the top of her head gently. She slowly pulled away from the hug and looked deeply into the young girl's eyes. Her vision lowered suddenly when she noticed a dark purple spot on Quinn's neck, the same side she had just pulled her hair around.

Quinn noticed Shelby's face instantly scrunch in confusion. She saw the area her eyes were directed. Quinn pulled her hair tighter around her shoulder hoping to cover anything Shelby might have seen. It was too late.

Shelby instantly shot a look over her shoulder at Judy before looking back at Quinn. She pushed the young girl's hair and hands away from her neck and gently pulled the neck of Quinn's shirt away from her collar bone. There were a few fingerprint bruises on the side of the girl's neck. Shelby gently laid her hand over them, realizing that it is the same pattern that a choking grip would leave. Shelby pulled her hand back instantly, like she had just laid it on a hot stove.

Quinn quickly pulled her hair back to cover her neck, regretting immensely not reapplying her makeup on the forming bruises after school. She knew Shelby was coming, she could have kicked herself. Why hadn't she thought of that? She shook her head; it wasn't what it looked like. Her dad had never done anything like that before. Yesterday after she got home from school he was scolding her because of the dinner incident days prior, like he promised he would on the voicemail... but things quickly got out of hand when Quinn had told him 'no' to retrieving his belt for him. She shuddered at the memory of her father slamming her against the wall in a choke hold warning her about the repercussions of saying 'no' to him would hold in the future. Quinn bit her lip; she hadn't realized that the makeup wore off from earlier in the day.

"What is that?" Shelby asked bluntly as she tried to catch the teen's eyes. Shelby looked over at Judy again, the woman stood silently staring at her daughter with an expressionless face.

Quinn lifted her head slightly, "It's from cheerleading..." She lowered her eyes, unable to look Mama Lopez directly in her face as she lied to her.

"Cheerleading?" Shelby asked with a scoff. When she saw Quinn's eyes start to water she noticed that the girl wouldn't look her in the eyes. It broke Shelby's heart. How had she missed this? Had every 'cheerleading' injury been caused by him over the past eight years that she's known the girl? Her heart started beating quicker.

Quinn could see that she wasn't being too convincing so she raised her head and looked into her best friend's mother's eyes and tried again, "This girl...dropped me at practice when I was in a stunt...when she tried to catch me she caught my neck." She forced the tears back into her eyes. She shook her head and forced a small smile on her lips, "Dumb Freshman." She looked up at Shelby's face again, trying to see if her lie was bought. Unfortunately she couldn't read the older woman's face, which made her face fall in defeat.

Quinn stepped away from Mama Lopez and felt her mother rest a hand on her shoulder from behind her. Quinn looked over her shoulder at her quiet mother then back at Shelby, "You don't have to do this. I'm fine, I promise. I don't know what Santana said, but I promise everything here is fine."

Judy was the one who spoke first, "It's not Quinn. I've been silent for too long." Her voice was so soft.

Quinn looked over her shoulder at her mother in surprise. Was her mother really going to stand up to her father? Now? After all these years? Quinn felt her heart race. Her mother was a gentle soul. She never yelled, could never go through with punishing her children and always comforted her girls when they needed it. She is an amazing woman, except for the fact that she is weak. She can't say what she wants to say 98% of the time for fear of what her husband will snap back. She is always eager to please everyone, and by doing so people get hurt in the process. People meaning, Quinn. Quinn had always been the outlet for her father's frustrations and anger. It wasn't fair, but it was what it was. Russell has never hit Judy or Alexa, and although they are stunned into obedient silence, they have not been emotionally abused either. Quinn was the lucky one to be chosen for that role, and her mother, year after year watched with sad eyes and a silent mouth; until now.

Judy smiled gently at her youngest daughter, "Let's go into the Library. Come on."

Quinn felt herself be pulled into the direction she knew her dad was in. Her heart was beating fast. Shelby was trailing directly behind them. Somehow after all of these years, she had managed to keep Shelby away from this life of hers. She's managed to protect her from seeing what really went on behind these walls and Quinn couldn't help but feel nauseous as she knew the wonderful woman was about to be exposed to her hell.

When they entered the library, Russell was sitting in front of the fireplace with a freshly lit cigar in his hands. He turned at the sound of footsteps and when he noticed the three women enter he stood abruptly. "What is this?" He looked fiercely over at Judy who remained at the entrance of the big room. When she didn't answer he looked quickly over at Quinn who now stood to his left with her head hung down, studying the pattern on the carpeted floor. Russell looked with surprise at Shelby who stood a few feet in front of him. The woman hadn't ever been into their house. No one was supposed to interrupt Russell's evening routine, especially unannounced guests. "May I ask what you are doing here Mrs. Lopez?" he asked venomously at his unwelcomed guest.

Shelby didn't cower down to his harsh tone or threatening body language. She kept her head high and continued to hold strong eye contact with the man she couldn't understand. "I spoke with your wife on the phone the other day about coming over here tonight-"

Russell cut Shelby off by snapping his glare past her towards his wife, "You spoke with her? You planned something without running it by me first?!" His voice was raised slightly.

Shelby brought his attention back to her, slightly surprised by how elevated this conversation had already seemed to get, knowing that it had barely just begun. "I came over here to discuss how you treat Quinn," she stated boldly.

Russell's head pulled back in shock. His face seemed to turn red. He looked over at Quinn who released a sob from Shelby's words as she continued to hang her head. He looked back at Shelby with wild crazed eyes. "And what is there exactly to discuss?" Every syllable was over pronounced.

Quinn knew that this meant he was beyond furious. What happened in the family was supposed to stay in the family. Quinn broke that rule years ago, by crying to Santana and Shelby about different things. Her dad had no idea, until this moment. She couldn't help the tears that instantly started running down her face.

Shelby stood her ground, "The words you use on her, and your actions for punishment are doing severe damage, Russell." Shelby glanced over at Quinn as she let out another sob. "You kick your daughter out of her house constantly. I have watched it happen time after time, the past eight years and it has gotten increasingly worse. And now, I have learned about your form of punishments…if you can't control your anger around her then I think it is best that she comes home with me, and remains there."

Silence engulfed the library. Everyone was frozen in place. No one had ever spoken so directly to Russell in that way. Especially not in his library during his evening routine. Russell walked over to the fireplace mantle and set down his cigar quietly. Quinn looked up from the carpeted floor at the extended silence and glanced at her father's back. He had walked away, granted only a few feet, but she still felt relieved. However, she knew it wouldn't last long and she was right. He immediately spun around and faced her. His eyes were wide, his face was red, and she could practically see the steam coming from his ears. She instantly began to shake. She couldn't take her eyes away from her father, she was petrified.

"Get over here!" Russell suddenly boomed in his deep voice as he reached out to grab Quinn. Quinn instinctively flinched away.

Shelby watched as Quinn's complexion instantly paled, her eyes grew wide with regret for flinching away from her dad. Shelby's brows furrowed. It was like Quinn had never flinched away from her dad's angry grasp. Shelby looked instantly at Russell who had a different kind of look on his face. He was shocked that his daughter flinched away from him. He was looking at her in disbelief at her audacity of stepping out of his reach.

His brows instantly scowled, he took a large step towards Quinn again, "I said get over here you little brat!" It all happened so quickly. Russell reached for Quinn again and successfully grabbed her fiercely around her upper arm, yanking her towards him. Quinn let out another sob as the tears rolled down her cheeks without apologies.

Quinn tried without success to free her arm from her father's death grip, "Daddy, you are hurting me!" She cried as she tried to pry his fingers from her arm with her free hand unsuccessfully. Russell shook her once, making Quinn give up any hope of getting his hand off. She bowed her head again and started crying heavily in his grasp.

Judy's voice floated from the door, "Russell, you are scaring her-"

Russell instantly snapped, cutting Judy off, "Shut your mouth Judy! She should be scared!" He immediately looked down at the young blonde whom he was still holding onto fiercely. "How dare you. How dare you tell this woman OUR family business, you ungrateful brat!" As he scolded her, he shook her ever so slightly, not enough to rattle her teeth but enough to quake Shelby's heart. He noticed Quinn sobbing as she stood with her head hung next to him. He tightened his already firm grip even more on her upper arm and leaned his face inches away from hers, "Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about!"

Shelby had seen enough. She was completely shocked. She had NO idea that this type of thing was happening behind these closed doors. She had seemed to be in this stunned silence as the events quickly played out in front of her, but seeing Russell's hand grip even tighter on the young blonde's arm made her snap from her daze. Shelby gently put her hands up, "Russell, please let go of the child. I wanted to talk about this; I wasn't expecting a yelling match." Shelby's eyes switched from Russell's threatening angry glare to his death grip on Quinn's upper arm.

Russell pointed his finger angrily at Shelby while still holding onto Quinn as she softly hiccupped, trying to stop her tears. "You can barely control your own kids and you want to add this problem child to the mix?!" Russell shook Quinn slightly in his tight hold. Shelby took a step forward towards him and Quinn, but Russell continued quickly before she could put a word in, "You are a single, working class mother of two outrageous girls," he spat. Russell chuckled sarcastically, "I mean, your little one showing up on her ridiculous pink bike telling me to be nice? Unbelievable!" He laughed at himself again.

Shelby's eyebrows furrowed. What was he talking about? She looked at Quinn whose head shot up and looked at her after Russell's last comment. Shelby couldn't really read her eyes, but regret was one of the emotions she was able to make out. When had Rachel been here? She rode her bike here? Shelby shook her head, she should have known about that. Why didn't she know about this? She looked into Quinn's eyes questioningly. Quinn's bottom lip quivered and she cast her gaze downward again, unable to maintain eye contact with Shelby.

Russell started speaking again in his loud attention demanding voice, bringing Shelby's gaze from Quinn to himself. "I guess the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree in your family huh?" He shook his head as he smiled at himself. Russell shook Quinn in his grasp again, "Unluckily for me, my darling apple fell pretty fucking far."

Shelby shook her head angrily at Russell. She couldn't believe the audacity he had. She couldn't believe he was saying these things about his daughter in front of his daughter. "Russell, your daughter is amazing." Shelby pointed at Quinn, "She tries so hard to make you happy, why can't you see that?"

"Mrs. Lopez, I fail to see how this is your business at all. Do you always stick your nose where it doesn't belong?" Russell shook his head and looked passed Shelby at Judy with a smile who was still standing yards away silently at the door, "No wonder her husband died. I would do just about anything to get away from her too." Russell chuckled at himself at the 'joke' he had just made, while the rest of the room seemed to freeze.

Quinn shot her gaze over at Shelby whose face instantly fell from Russell's last comment. Shelby's eyes seemed to glaze over at the mention of her late husband. It made Quinn feel sick. Angry and sick. Quinn instantly jerked her arm from her father's grasp. She felt all the blood rush to the area he had just been clamped on the past 5 minutes as it began to throb.

Quinn's anger drove her to ignore the discomfort. She spun around and faced her father, "You can't say those things to other people! It is completely inappropriate and hurtful! Shelby is a wonderful human being she shouldn't be spoken to that way! So SHUT UP!" As soon as the final words left her lips Quinn felt all the anger she had in her body instantly turn to extreme fear.

She watched as her father's eyes registered her complete disobedience. They seemed to grow wide and glaze over with rage like she had never seen. She had never, in her 16 years of existence, spoken to her father that way. In this exact moment she understood why. It was like everything was happening in slow motion. He was visibly shaking from her ripping her arm out of his grasp, sticking up for Shelby and yelling at him to 'shut up'. Quinn nervously took a miniature step backwards away from her father as he seemed to huff bigger and bigger.

In one fluid motion Russell unhooked and unthreaded his belt. He whipped it out by his side, making the leather clap against itself. Quinn felt her stomach churn. Russell took a step towards the sixteen year old clapping the belt against itself one more time. He slowly raised his arm, holding the buckle of the belt in his hand tightly.

Suddenly Shelby snapped out of her daze as she saw the events in front of her unfold extremely quickly. She could see the fire in Russell's eyes and saw the panicked fear in Quinn's. Shelby took three large steps forward placing herself between the wild man and the shaking girl. She reached her hand behind her back and grabbed Quinn's arm gently, making sure that Quinn would stay behind her, using her body as a shield against the angry man. This sudden movement made Russell Fabray stop in his tracks. He looked at Shelby in shock and was rendered speechless.

Shelby lifted her chin as she looked him directly in his eyes, "You can hit me, but you won't ever lay a hand on this child ever again." The room was silent again as Russell and Shelby seemed to have a stare off. No words were said. Shelby wasn't going to back down from this, no way in hell.

Russell was the first to break the gaze, though still breathing heavily. He slowly lowered his arm and rethreaded his belt, which caused Shelby to instantly relax and release the breath she didn't know she was holding. Quinn stepped quietly from behind Shelby. She was shaking still. She couldn't help it. Shelby had just thrown herself between her and her father and his belt. She could barely wrap her mind around it. She felt like she was in shock.

Shelby watched as Russell glared at her before turning his glare back to Quinn. Shelby looked over her shoulder at Judy who was still standing silently with no expression on her face. Shelby felt angry and upset at this woman at the same time. How could she not have done anything? She would have just let that happen had Shelby not been here. It made Shelby wonder how many times she had been present when her husband was whipping her daughter with a belt, drawing blood and leaving bruises. Judy's face looked tired and worn; there was no fight in her whatsoever. She couldn't look at the shell of a woman anymore. She shook her head. Yet somehow, she couldn't help but feel bad for the woman still. Shelby directed her gaze back towards Russell.

Russell was wordlessly threatening Quinn with his eyes as he finally broke the dense silence. "You want her so bad Mrs. Lopez? You can have her!" He spat angrily.

Quinn's jaw dropped open in shock. Did her father just mean that? Was it really over? Was she never going to have to come back here again? What did this mean? The teenage blonde felt like her life had just changed in the blink of an eye. As soon as the relief hit her, it seemed to fizzle away and turn into a mixture of complete sadness and emptiness. Her dad doesn't want her anymore? Was this really going to be permanent? Quinn looked up at her father and into his angry eyes. She could see that he meant every word. He always meant what he said, because he didn't have a filter. He said whatever he thought, and in this moment...he was saying that he didn't want her anymore. Embarrassment flushed through Quinn's veins. She was used to this behavior. While yes, this was probably one of the most scariest times she has seen her father, it was along the lines of what she had been dealing with over the years, she had NEVER had anyone outside her family there to witness it. Especially not someone she respected so much. Over the years she had down played the severity of his words, and completely hid his actions from Mama Lopez...and now here he was broadcasting her home life to the max in front of the one woman she held highest in her heart.

Russell suddenly brought his arm up and fiercely grabbed Quinn's chin in his large hand, forcing the blonde to look into his eyes. His face was inches from hers again without a warning. "I'm sick of her!" He spat the words into Quinn's face as he continued speaking to Shelby. The words exploded from his mouth like venom. His stray spit hit Quinn, but not as hard as the ferocity of his words.

"Russell-" Shelby moved to pull him off of the beautiful blonde she had come to accept as another daughter but before she could say or do anymore, Russell harshly threw Quinn's head back releasing her from his clenched hand. The ferocity of this action caused Quinn to stumble back a few steps. Shelby caught her before she could tumble to the ground. The young girl felt her best friend's mom wrap her arms gently around her.

"No," Russell continued, stalking back over to the mantle to retrieve his lit cigar. His voice had lowered back down to a normal volume, but continued to carry its same intensity. "Absolutely, by all means. Please. Take her." He took a puff from his cigar before waving his cigar in Quinn's direction. "I honestly don't care where she stays, as long as she doesn't stay here anymore, ever again. I'm over her and her selfish, ill-mannered, obnoxious-"

Shelby cut Russell off before he could continue, "Russell, can we not speak like that in front of your daughter?" Shelby made sure that Quinn was steady on her feet before releasing her from the hug she had caught her in. She stepped next to the young girl and grasped Quinn's hand tightly in her own in the process, as they stood in front of Russell Fabray.

Russell finished blowing out the smoke from his mouth and pointed his cigar in Shelby's direction, "Mrs. Lopez, you came marching into my house, speaking with my wife behind my back, coming up with this outrageous plan to house my daughter because you think I am not doing a fit job as a parent.." he took an exaggerated breath, "and you still have the audacity to tell me what I can and cannot say?" Russell shook his head and gave a small chuckle, "You do realize that you are standing in my living room, correct?"

Shelby quickly gave a side glance over at Quinn to see her head hung low again. She squeezed the girl's hand reassuringly to remind her that she was still here. She directed her focus back on Russell, she shook her head, "I realize this Russell; however, do you realize that leaving bruises and welts on a child from spanking is child abuse?" She challenged.

Russell scoffed in reply, "Please. It's called discipline. The girl needs it. If she didn't act out as much or if she followed my simple rules then it wouldn't need to happen." He looked at Quinn who was still studying the carpet, "Obedience is learned." He chanted.

Shelby felt the fire in her chest continue to burn. That must be a saying he often quoted to the sixteen year old as he lashed out at her time after time. Shelby took in Quinn's defeated look. It disgusted her how run down and sad the teen looked standing in front of the man who was supposed to love her unconditionally. "You cannot just kick your 16 year old daughter out of the house whenever you feel like it. You treat her like she is trash-"

Russell cut Shelby off mid-sentence again. He shrugged his shoulders, "That would be because she acts like it." He stated nonchalantly, "If it looks, waddles, and quacks like a duck then it's a duck. Quinn is just as useful to me as trash is."

Shelby had heard enough. There wasn't going to be talking any sense into Russell. She had come with the sole purpose of getting Quinn to come live with her and her daughters and Russell had already given her that 'permission', so she didn't know why she was still here talking to this evil man. She didn't know why she hadn't removed Quinn from this harassment minutes ago. Clearly, there was no talking to Russell. Shelby had to remind herself that this had been going on for years; although she had no idea, it was something that had been happening and her talking to him in this moment wasn't going to change anything. She had to get Quinn out of here before anymore hateful words were flung in her direction.

Shelby waved her hand, "Okay, we are done here. Quinn let's go." She squeezed Quinn's hand tighter in her own and gently turned the young girl in the direction of the door, where Judy no longer stood. At what point had she left? Shelby silently wondered. Shelby ushered Quinn in the direction of the door silently walking away from Russell.

Once she got to the door, Shelby paused. Quinn looked over her shoulder questioningly, but the older woman urged her to continue walking. Shelby spun around to look at Russell again who was leaned up against the mantle with a smug smile on his face as he inhaled his cigar. He was pleased with himself; it made Shelby's stomach churn. She took a step back into the library causing Russell to look over in her direction leisurely, "I hope one day you are able to look into the mirror and see the same evil bastard that I am looking at right now." Shelby growled lowly, "I hope that on that day you feel the same way I do as I am looking at you in this moment." She pointed behind her in the direction she had just ushered Quinn, "Your daughter is beautiful, caring and beyond loveable. You have two wonderful daughters and yet for some reason you like to pretend that you only have one. It's disgusting. You are disgusting."

Russell pulled the cigar from his mouth and began to study it silently; the smile grew only larger from Shelby's last rant. He chuckled to himself finally, "All I request, Mrs. Lopez, is that when you get sick of her too, you don't send her back this way." He looked up and met the older woman's eyes, "She is no longer welcomed in my house."

Shelby shook her head quickly and dismissed herself by turning on her heel and exiting the room without saying anything more to the evil man. Shelby nearly knocked Quinn over, not expecting the young girl to be standing just outside the library door still. Shelby sighed, she had tried to urge her to continue to walk away from the door so that she couldn't hear their conversation, but of course that hadn't happened like she had planned. Quinn's eyes were trained to the ground, her hands crossed in front of her as her shoulders sagged. She looked defeated. Shelby lifted the girl's chin and gave her a small smile before she wrapped her arms around Quinn's shoulder, "Let's go home."

Quinn didn't reply. She didn't know what to say. Everything seemed to unravel so quickly and she wasn't prepared for any of it. 'Home'? This was her home. Where Shelby lived was her escape from 'home' but certainly wasn't a place she could call hers. This big empty building was home. Quinn sighed inwardly; she knew she was lying to herself. This place never felt like home. She got a job at fourteen years old at the local bowling alley, the only place that would hire her so young, in order to get away from this place. She took babysitting jobs left and right as often as anyone would allow. Over the years she had participated not only in competitive cheerleading but school cheerleading as well in order to keep her actively away from this place. She had joined countless clubs at school and even ran for class secretary last year for more things to do to occupy her time. She made sure the little time she spent in this place was solely used for sleeping, eating and showering before she continued on her next endeavor. The less time she spent here, the better. She had to avoid her father at all costs if she didn't want to be punished for her behavior or spoken down to about how disappointing she was as a human being. This might not have been 'home' but it was the only place she really knew.

Shelby led the silent girl to the grand front doors where Judy was waiting with a medium sized red suitcase and tears in her eyes. Judy brought her hand to her mouth gingerly, trying so very hard not to break down and cry as she looked at her sad quiet daughter. In this moment Shelby was able to recognize the unbelievable strength of this woman, something she hadn't been able to see before. Judy loved Quinn that was undoubtable, she just didn't know how to stand up to her husband and so she was forced to stand back as he took charge. Judy looked so vulnerable in this moment yet she continued to hold her head high and stand with her back straight. She kept her tears at bay because she didn't want to cry in front of her daughter, and she knew she couldn't cry because after Shelby and Quinn left, she was going to have to deal with the repercussions of all of this. Judy had to listen to the man she loved and married slander her daughter's name, and she couldn't do anything about it. As Shelby looked into Judy's eyes she saw that Judy recognized how weak of a person she was for not doing more. This was not just a black and white situation; it had many layers and seemed to be very complex. Shelby couldn't even pretend to understand it all fully as she hadn't ever seen anything like it before. She could however give Judy a small smile and give her a small nod that said, 'thank you' silently. Shelby acknowledged the woman's defeat and reached out and gave her a firm reassuring squeeze on her shoulder to let her know that she didn't think negatively of her.

Judy looked at her daughter, "I am so sorry Quinn. So sorry…" Her eyes watered even more.

Quinn was snapped out of her daze by her mother's voice. All she could do was look up at the woman and give her a small tight smile. She loved her mother completely, and never blamed her for any of this. She wasn't mad at her, she didn't hate her, she just couldn't say anything in this moment because she felt like it was all a dream and at any moment she would be waking up. She felt herself being hugged by her mother gently. Once she pulled away from the hug, Quinn hung her head again, grabbing the suitcase her mother had packed for her and walked through the large front doors towards Shelby's car.

Once Quinn was out of ear shot, Judy turned to Shelby, "I will pack more of her things…and bring them by tomorrow…." Her voice began to crack as she looked Shelby in the eyes, "I….I'm sorry…..I'm…sorry." She was apologizing for so much with those two simple words, and she knew that anything she said in this moment wouldn't be good enough to cover everything that she was sorry for.

Shelby was able to recognize how deep the woman's apologies ran. She placed her hand gently on Judy's shoulder again and gave her a silent nod before slowly turning and exiting the house, walking to meet the silent girl at her car. As soon as she reached the car she heard the front door of the Fabray estate close. Quinn didn't lift her head, her shoulders were still hunched over in shame and her grip on her suitcase handle seemed to be the only thing she was focused on. Shelby took a deep breath and unlocked the car for them to both climb into. She knew this was going to be difficult, but she had no idea things were going to go down how they did. She felt a pang of guilt for not getting Quinn out of that house sooner. She should have gotten her out of that toxic environment years ago.

The girl was completely silent. Shelby had to keep looking over at her simply to make sure she hadn't stopped breathing due to shock. She was silent as they pulled out of the driveway and the silence continued down the street. Shelby couldn't take it anymore so she pulled the car over at the park. She put the car into park but kept the engine on as she turned to face Quinn.

"Are you okay?" Shelby knew it was a dumb question, but she had to ask it. She had never seen Quinn be this quiet before. She wasn't crying, she wasn't screaming, she wasn't doing anything. She had just been zoned out pretending to look at her hands.

Quinn finally looked up. Her face looked so vulnerable. Tears quickly pooled in her eyes, "I'm sorry….I'm sorry that you had to see that…." Quinn looked down at her hands, unable to look at Shelby any longer. She felt so ashamed.

Shelby quickly shook her head. She hated that Quinn's first words to her was an apology. She hated that the young girl was apologizing for 'having to see that'. She hated how ashamed Quinn looked in this moment. Shelby cleared her throat, "Quinn, don't apologize. Are you okay?" She asked again.

Quinn continued to stare down at her hands in the still car, "I just…I…." She licked her top lip then looked over at Mama Lopez. The older woman was looking deeply into her eyes, trying to read her emotions, but she could tell that she was having just as hard of a time figuring them out as Quinn was herself. Her mind was racing. So many things just all happened in a span of half an hour. The teenager felt like her world was just flipped upside down. Not only had all of her secrets been exposed to her best friend's mom, but she had to witness them first hand. Then her father kicked her out and her mom handed her an already packed suitcase? This felt different from every other time he had kicked her out. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. "What…what just happened?"

Shelby reached her hand out and grabbed one of the blonde's hands, "That's what I would like to know." She bent over to catch the young girl's eyes, "Quinn, I had no idea it has been like that..." She shook her head, "no idea at all. Why didn't you tell me?"

Quinn opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She tried again, "I...I wasn't allowed to talk about it...I had already said too much..." Quinn withdrew her hand from Shelby's. She felt so raw and exposed. How can someone still want her after witnessing how little her own parents did?

Shelby thought carefully about how to phrase her next thought. She spoke gently, "You weren't allowed or you didn't want to?"

Quinn let out a soft sob as a few tears managed to break from her eyes, "I...I didn't think that it mattered." She wiped her tears quickly and looked away from the older woman, out of the side passenger window.

Shelby's heart broke. "Oh baby, of course it mattered." Shelby couldn't help but be angry at herself for not acting on this years ago. She honestly didn't know how bad it was, but now thinking back….hindsight is 20:20. It should have been clear. She shook her head, "I'm sorry Quinnie...I should have seen the signs...I should have known... I'm sorry."

Quinn darted her eyes to focus on Mama Lopez, "What?" She couldn't understand what she was apologizing for. She had nothing to be sorry for, all of this was Quinn's fault. Everything that just happened was making Shelby feel guilty, and that was one of the main reasons Quinn never wanted her to know, she didn't want her to feel this way. "No...I am sorry. I...I never wanted you to see that... I didn't want you to...to know."

Shelby knew that this ran so much deeper than Quinn was playing it off to be. Quinn was apologizing for her father's behavior, not because she knew it was wrong but because Shelby was just exposed to it. Shelby sighed; this wasn't going to be fixed, not right now. "How is your arm?" Shelby remembered the harsh tight grip her dad had used earlier on the precious girl's upper arm. Shelby unhooked her seatbelt, "let me look at it."

Quinn scrunched her face at her best friend's mom. She shook her head and leaned away from her, "it's fine," she said quickly. She didn't ever want Shelby to see any of her bruises. She had been so careful to cover them throughout the years. She wasn't going to give in now.

"Hunny, let me see," Shelby tried again.

Quinn shook her head, "it honestly isn't that bad, it'll just bruise." She lowered her voice to just above a whisper, "I'm used to it."

The whisper wasn't as quiet as the teen had meant for it to be with all the silence that enveloped and surrounded the parked car. Shelby paused as she was caught off guard by hearing the sweet girl's last statement. She licked her upper lip gently to keep from crying. Shelby slowly latched her seatbelt again and placed her hands on the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and continued looking out of the front window, "When we get home I'm going to want to just take a look, and then I want will look at your neck as well."

Quinn's voice replied quietly, "You really don't have to."

Shelby nodded her head as she put the gear back into drive, "I do." She slowly pulled out of the park and headed back to her house.

The car was only silent long enough to make it one block down the street before Quinn's quiet voice broke the silence, "I can't live with you." She said barely above a whisper as she gazed down at her lap, her head hung in shame and embarrassment.

Shelby looked away from the road for a split second to take in the girl's posture, "Why not?" She asked sincerely.

Quinn's head shot up, "Why not?" She asked back in a mocking tone. Was she serious? Quinn shook her head, "What do you mean? I mean…look at me," She waved her hands up and down her body as she stared at Mama Lopez who was trying her hardest to drive and look at her at the same time, "I'm sixteen…I… you...you are my best friend's mom. I…I can't afford to pay you rent…I still have two more years until I can go to college. This is crazy. This is crazy…just…just turn around. Take me back, I…I know how to deal with him. I can handle it. I've handled it for 16 years. It's fine." Quinn was breathing heavy.

Shelby had heard enough she pulled the car off onto the side of the road, knowing that they had to have this conversation before getting to her house. She knew that the cop cars that were there were going to force her to have a completely different conversation with the young girl, but in this moment it was important to talk about this. They were only two streets away, the normal 2 minute car ride was being extended with all this pulling over, but it was necessary.

Shelby looked at Quinn after putting the gear into park again. "It is in no way fine Quinn Nicole. I would absolutely love for you to come stay with us for those two years…more if you stay in Lima for college. You have your own room in our house already; you are a wonderful girl. I would be more than happy to house you until you are full and ready to move out for the next chapter of your life."

Quinn couldn't look at her anymore. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper. "I should have just slept in my car more often…I shouldn't have come to your house so frequently." She was talking to herself more than she was to Mama Lopez, but of course she heard.

Shelby rested her hand gently on Quinn's knee, "Quinn, you should have never had to sleep in your car." Her voice came out very strong and concise. She shook her head before looking back at the teen, "I would have done this years ago had I known everything that was going on in that house."

"It…it really...it's not that bad." Quinn said quietly.

Shelby shook her head as she removed her hand from Quinn's leg, "Quinn…." She sighed, "you don't know it yet…but life isn't supposed to be this hard already. This is supposed to be the easy part." Shelby looked at the young girl intently, "the things he says to you…" she trailed off and shook her head, "the way he treats you…it is appalling. You don't deserve that, no matter what he has said over the years."

Quinn lifted her head, "it's fine-"

Shelby cut Quinn off before she could continue, "No Quinn. No." She said firmly. Silence over took the car as Quinn went back to hanging her head. Shelby watched the girl carefully. "When was the last time he used the belt?"

Quinn looked up quickly at Mama Lopez, her eyes started to instantly water, "w-what? He...he uh...he's never used the belt on me." She was lying. She couldn't admit this to Mama Lopez, not when she had spent half her life trying so desperately to hide it all from her. Her mind traveled back to the madness that just unraveled at her house. Her dad had unthreaded his belt and made a move to use it on her, he had done this countless times before; however, Shelby had never been there to witness it, and step in between it. She shook her head; she didn't want Mama Lopez to know that that was a regular thing in her house, "Today when he did that…it….it was a first." She tried desperately to suck the tears back into her eyes as she looked at the older woman to see if she believed her lies.

Shelby tightened her jaw. She hated that Quinn was lying, in lying she was protecting her horrible father and that tore at Shelby's heart. Shelby shook her head, "Quinn, don't lie to me please. I know he uses it to spank you with on a regular basis. What I want-" Shelby shook her head and corrected herself, "what I need to know is how regular?"

Quinn felt Mama Lopez starring deeply into her eyes. There was something about her eyes… She knew. How did she know? Her breath seemed to hitch in her chest; she felt her hands start to sweat. There was only one way that she would know about the belt. She couldn't break her eyes away from the older woman's gaze, "I...Y-You….San told you about the…the belt?"

Shelby watched as the blonde's face instantly paled. She could tell she was freaking out, and honestly had no idea that she had been told about the belt. Shelby nodded her head, silently answering Quinn's question. When she saw tears fall from the young girl's eyes she opened her mouth to speak, "She was worried about you."

Quinn nodded her head as the dam seemed to burst, the tears fell from her eyes quickly. She hung her head and released a sob. She didn't want Mama Lopez to know. She knew everything now. Quinn felt Shelby gently grab her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

"When was the last time?" Shelby's voice was quiet and gentle.

Quinn didn't lift her head to answer; she couldn't look at Shelby when she replied. "After Rachel came...to talk to him...Friday night."

Shelby chewed her lip. How did she have no idea that her eight year old had ridden her bike all the way to the Fabray's house last Friday afternoon? She hated that the first time she heard about it was from Russell's insulting mouth. And now, Quinn's head was hung as she informed her that because of Rachel's secret visit she was spanked…with a belt. Shelby felt a pang of guilt in her chest. She should have known that Rachel broke the rules, she should have been able to keep her from going over there…if she had kept a better eye on her eight year old that afternoon then maybe Quinn could have been spared the awful unnecessary punishment.

Shelby sighed, "Quinn, why didn't you tell me that Rachel was over at your house last Friday?"

All Quinn could do was shrug her shoulders. She didn't tell Mama Lopez because she didn't want to bring it up in conversation. She didn't want to have to ask Rachel to lie for her about what happened. She didn't want Rachel to tell Mama Lopez how angry her dad had been. She wanted to hide her home life from the Lopez's and the only way she could do that was by convincing Rachel to not speak about it, and not telling Mama Lopez herself.

Shelby looked at the girl silently. Quinn was avoiding her eyes. She gave her a look, "what happened?"

"I told you," Quinn muttered.

Shelby looked at her. "You know you're leaving out details. Why was Rachel at that house?"

The blonde shrugged again, "I don't know. She's eight. She can never sit still without a project. She has to have a purpose and with everything..." Quinn trailed off.

The mother looked at the ceiling of her car as realization settled over her. "With everything that has been going on with Santana..." Shelby finished Quinn's sentence, nodding her head.

"I'm not saying it's her fault," Quinn said quickly. "I'm not blaming anyone..." She met Shelby's eyes, "especially not San or Boo."

Shelby took her hand. "I'm not saying you are," She said quickly. "So Rachel took you on as a crusade because she felt helpless."

"I don't know that for sure," Quinn said. "I don't."

Shelby smiled. "But we know Rach. I should know Rach. She knows she's on the outside of things so she tried to make herself apart of things." Quinn looked at her hands. Shelby licked her lips. "Did Rachel know?" she asked with more strength.

The blonde teenager looked up. "Know about what?" She caught Shelby's look of panic and worry. Quinn quickly answered, "She never knew about my dad. She just knows he doesn't let me into the house occasionally. She's heard and seen me crying at your house because of him..." Quinn shook her head and sighed. "Rachel believes in white horses and happily ever afters." Quinn took a shuddering breath. "She thought she was saving me."

Shelby frowned, finally putting together all the pieces. "So she came to your house." Quinn nodded. "And she told your dad to stop being a bully." Shelby laughed. "Just like she did when she had that little tiff on that playground."

Quinn laughed. "Yeah, I remember." She looked up at Shelby and said slowly and quietly, "She needs to know she didn't do anything wrong. She can't know about this. She can't know that simply just by being there that she infuriated my father." She wiped the tears quickly. "She can't know that. It'll crush her."

"Quinn..."

The teenager interrupted her and quickly responded as she shook her head looking Mama Lopez directly in the eyes, "I wouldn't have ever let anything happen to her. Ever. I got her out of there before he got extremely angry...she didn't see a lot...I didn't want her to...see it. I didn't want her to be scared...she is eight...she shouldn't see that."

Shelby sighed as she looked at the broken girl next to her, wishing that she had seen how broken Quinn really had been throughout the years. "Quinn, how you feel about Rachel?" She saw the look of confusion and continued, "You know, how you don't want her to be exposed to that?"

"I hate that she …." Quinn looked up at her. "I … I saw her riding slowly down the street when..." She tried to sink deeper into herself. "When I had to … to close the window in the study."

Shelby nodded in understanding. "What you feel, Quinn? This anguish about what Rachel might have seen or heard... That's how I feel about knowing what you've been through... times a billion and four."

Quinn felt her eyes water again as she hunched her shoulders over even more in her seat. "Yea..." she mumbled quietly. It was all she could muster in this moment.

Silence settled around them. Shelby knew that she wasn't going to be able to convince the teen in this one conversation. She also knew that they had to get back to her house eventually. Shelby sighed, "so the last time was on Friday?" She was bringing the conversation back to the original topic.

Quinn's head lowered further as she answered, "yea…"

"Quinn…" Shelby warned easily. The older woman was looking at the bruise pattern on Quinn's neck now. She wanted Quinn to be honest with her about this because she needed to know if she had to have Quinn's back side looked at or not. If Russell had used the belt on the girl Friday after her daughter had left their household, and then used it on her again after that… then chances are there might be open cuts if not at the very least welts. Shelby didn't want those to go unnoticed or unchecked. If there was something she could do to sooth the younger girl's pain then she wanted to do it. But in order to that she needed Quinn to be honest with her.

Quinn looked up at Mama Lopez quickly with furrowed eyebrows, "I'm not lying." She said quickly.

Shelby sighed again. "Honey, the bruise on your neck wasn't there this weekend," She said bluntly to the blonde. She needed to get some answers.

Quinn shook her head quickly as her hand shot up to her neck subconsciously, lightly trailing her fingers over the sensitive skin before pulling her hair forward to cover it. She looked immediately at Mama Lopez and started to speak quickly, "The bruise on my neck is from…" When she realized what she was about to say, she instantly started to trail off. "Something else," She finished broadly. Her eyes shifted downwards unable to continue the eye contact with Mama Lopez.

Shelby looked at the teen with raised eyebrows. That had to be one of the worst lies she had ever heard. Usually Quinn was better than that, obviously or else they would have been having this conversation 8 years ago. Shelby shook her head. She didn't understand why Quinn was still lying for her father. Shelby sighed. She did understand: it was what was familiar to the young girl. It was simply habit. Shelby looked at the blonde again and her eyebrows instantly furrowed. Something wasn't being said. Was this more than just lying about receiving another spanking since Friday? Shelby's eyes darted down to the section, now hidden by hair, on the teen's neck. Why was there a bruise there to begin with? How did it get there?

Quinn looked up just in time to see Mama Lopez's look go from skepticism to confusion. Quinn sighed heavily and started twisting her hair in her hands nervously, "I… yesterday…after practice… I told him 'no'." Her eyes instantly dropped down to her hair. When was the last time she had a haircut? She had a lot of split ends.

Shelby's face scrunched up even more as panic started to settle in her heart once again. She slowly opened her mouth, "you told him no for what?" She asked nervously.

Quinn's eyes slowly met the older woman's, "He…was going to spank me again but…I…" She looked at her hair again as more tears filled her eyes. She continued, "I still hurt from Friday so…, I said 'no'."

Shelby breathed. "Okay," She said gently waiting for the blonde to continue.

Quinn looked at Mama Lopez again. She shook her head, "He's never done this before," she started.

"Quinn," Shelby warned.

The blonde sighed. She had to do this, there wasn't going to be getting out of it. "When I said no to him he got really mad. I've never said no to him before…" She shook her head and lowered her eyes to her lap again, "he… held me against the wall with his hand around my neck holding me in place…keeping me from flinching or…running….as he screamed in my face…about disrespecting him…"

Silence filled the car again. Quinn eventually looked up; trying her best to keep her head cast downward, waiting for Shelby to speak. When she looked up she saw shock covering her best friend's mom's face. The silence was deafening, "Say something… please…" Quinn mumbled as tears fell from her eyes. She had never spoken about these types of things with Mama Lopez, she never would have told her about these types of things….but everything was different now. Now they were sitting in Mama Lopez's car on the side of the road on their way to the Lopez house with a suitcase full of her own clothes in the older woman's back seat. Now she was no longer welcomed into the Fabray household on a permanent basis. Now Mama Lopez knew everything. More tears fell from her eyes.

Shelby finally regained her composure. She reached across the car and cupped the young girl's cheek, brushing a few tears away with her thumb, "okay…I…. you are never to go near that house again, do you hear me?"

Quinn pulled her face from Shelby's hand, "but I-"

Shelby brought her hand back to her steering wheel. She shook her head, "No Quinn…I can't bear to see you hurt, and now that I know how he is…who he truly is behind those walls…I don't want you to have anything to do with him unless Ruth or myself are with you." She looked directly into Quinn's eyes, "Please promise me."

Quinn was about to object again as she looked out of the front window but all she could do was sigh. She was too tired to object. She was too tired for any of this. The drive from her parent's house to Santana's house usually took two minutes. This trip felt like it was lasting hours, even though realistically she knew it wasn't that long, she knew for a fact that it was definitely longer than two minutes. The young girl looked back at her best friend's mother. The look on Mama Lopez's face told her that she wouldn't win the argument no matter how hard she had tried anyway.

Quinn felt her head nod, "I promise."

Shelby nodded her head and put the car back into drive and continued their drive home, satisfied enough for the time being. She had to get Quinn home. She had to get back to Santana and Rachel. She had to get them all to bed.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for reading! Let me know what you think! There definitely will be more Santana in the next chapter, so don't worry! You all are awesome! -E**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I am SO sorry for the delay in updating. Thank you for everyone's awesome feedback, reviews and PMs from the previous chapter! I hope you all enjoy this new chapter just as much. I LOVE all of your feedback; it is always very much appreciated.**

**Chapter 17**

Shelby finally pulled her car into her driveway. There was one police car parked in the street in front of her house and another directly in her driveway. As Shelby pulled up next to the cop car she turned off the ignition and looked over at Quinn whose face turned from shame and sadness instantly to worry and fear. Quinn was looking back and forth between the two cop cars and Shelby as her shaky hands tried to undo her seatbelt. The older woman could already see that Quinn's breathing was increasing and noticed that Quinn was even paler than normal.

Before Shelby could open her mouth to explain Quinn's trembling voice filled the car. "Oh my god. Oh my god…what… what happened? What the hell happened?!" Her voice grew louder as the seat belt flung from around her and she reached for the locked door.

Shelby quickly reached over the center console towards the young girl and placed her hand gently on Quinn's shoulder to keep her from manually unlocking her door and running inside the house. "Quinn," she called to the blonde who was now looking over her shoulder at the police car parked in the street. "Quinn, look at me," Shelby demanded gently. Quinn finally looked away from the police car and over at Shelby. Shelby could see the tears already forming in her young eyes. Shelby took a deep breath. This was the part of the car ride she knew was going to be difficult. "Before we go inside I need to talk to you." She watched as Quinn looked back over at the police car parked next to theirs and then refocused back on her. When Quinn looked back at her the tears that were previously brimming her eyes were slowly starting to fall down her cheeks as she bit her lip nervously. Shelby took another deep breath, "I didn't tell you the full truth this morning when I called you about San not coming to school." Shelby squeezed Quinn's shoulder gently, "I wanted to tell you face to face."

Quinn released a sob, "Oh my god. No." She began shaking her head as more tears rushed down her cheeks. "No. Nonononono." She covered her mouth with her hand and refocused her gaze back on Mama Lopez who was looking at her with watery eyes of her own. "Is she okay? Please tell me she is okay." Quinn looked over her shoulder at the squad car in the street then at the one next to her before looking back at Shelby again. The cops were both sitting in their individual cars. "Why are there cops here?" she asked.

Shelby released Quinn's shoulder from her grasp and reached both of her hands across the car to grab both of Quinn's strongly in her own. She took a deep breath and willed the tears that clouded her vision to disappear. She couldn't cry right now. Shelby licked the top of her lip gently. "Santana's attacker was here last night." Shelby heard Quinn's gasp but continued on quickly. "He pushed his way into the house…and tried to attack Santana again. Physically she is fine-"

Quinn shook her head quickly cutting Shelby off. "He didn't…?" Quinn couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence.

Shelby quickly shook her head knowing what the blonde was trying to ask. "No…no he didn't get a chance." She breathed, "Rachel called the cops and the sirens scared him off."

Quinn felt like her eyes grew even wider as her mouth instantly felt dry, "Rachel was home? She was there when he…"

Shelby slowly nodded her head. "Yes, she was. We went to the hospital last night and the girls gave their statements to the police; however, since he escaped we now are going to have two patrols at all times in front of the house, until they find him." Shelby looked at the squad car next to her own before she looked back at Quinn and sighed. She squeezed Quinn's hands in her own, "I had to tell Rachel what had happened to Santana, the real story. So she has been having a hard time, as has Santana, unquestionably…" She watched Quinn's shocked face lower her gaze slowly. She could tell that the young blonde was already feeling badly about staying at her house. She knew Quinn and could see in her eyes that the young girl felt like a burden in this moment. Shelby couldn't have that. Quinn was anything but. Shelby maneuvered her head so that she could meet Quinn's gaze. "Santana will be happy to see you. I'll need to talk to Rachel for a few minutes, so if you could go talk to San that would help me so much." She smiled gently at the young blonde.

Quinn uneasily nodded her head. She was still trying to wrap her mind around everything. It was so much to take in. She finally raised her head to look at Mama Lopez. "So…so he was here?"

Shelby squeezed Quinn's hands again and nodded her head. "Yes," she clarified quickly.

Quinn's eyebrows furrowed. "But he didn't hurt San or Rach?"

Shelby released a heavy sigh. Quinn was looking at her for answers. She cleared her throat. "He…he had started….he was going to attack Santana again…" She trailed off and shook her head before continuing, "in the same way he had before…but he ran off when he heard the sirens."

Quinn lowered her head. "Oh…." She trailed off quietly watching Mama Lopez gently stroke the back of her hands as she held them firmly.

Shelby saw the young girl's defeated look. This has been the longest car ride of her life. So much has happened and been discussed in a span of 1 mile. Shelby took a breath again. "I know this is a lot to take in, believe me I do." She finally released Quinn's hands and placed her own back on her lap. "We are going to go in there together. I am going to have a talk with Rachel and I'm sure you and San will want to have time to yourselves. Right?"

Quinn looked up to see Mama Lopez smiling softly at her. She nodded her head slowly.

Shelby continued, "Then we can all get ready for bed and I'm going to take a look at your injuries."

Quinn started to shake her head but she saw the determination in Mama Lopez's eyes. She knew she couldn't fight her on this one. Quinn felt herself deflate. She looked past the older woman and spotted Ruth's Lexis in the driveway. She focused on Shelby again, "Could..." She looked down at her hands. "Would it be possible for Ruth to maybe do it?" Quinn couldn't have Mama Lopez see her in that way. After all these years of hiding it...she couldn't just simply let her... She shook her head. Showing Ruth would be bad enough, but Mama Lopez? The thought of showing her made her stomach do flips. For some reason showing Ruth felt like it would be less difficult, still incredibly hard but... somewhat easier. Besides, maybe Ruth would forget before she went home, or fell asleep. She loved Ruth but every once in a while the woman could be quite frazzle brained. Here's to hoping tonight is one of those 'every once in a whiles'. Quinn shrugged her shoulders. A girl can dream, right?

Shelby nodded her head. "I think that would work. I just need to know that there isn't anything wrong. Santana had an infection...I can't make the same mistake twice. Understand?"

Quinn looked up and nodded her head gently. She saw the look in Shelby's eyes. There was no way she would fight this right now, she could tell that the older woman was tired. Quinn looked Mama Lopez directly in the eyes again. "I…I don't know how to thank you…." Her voice was cracking. She cleared it as she wiped the tears from her face, "I won't ever be able to thank you enough…"

Shelby shook her head as she reached over and stroked Quinn's cheek kindly. "And you'll never have to. I am doing this for you Quinn, because you deserve SO much better." She brought her hand back to her lap again. "I know we aren't perfect…by any means…" Shelby shook her head quickly before looking back into Quinn's eyes. "But we love you so much. You already are a part of our family; you have been for years now. I want you to feel safe and loved. I don't want you to second guess your words before they come out of your mouth; I want you to feel able to speak freely without fear of punishment. I want you to be able to be a little messy, and enjoy being a kid. Most of all… I want you to know how much we all love and support you." She smiled at the blonde in her passenger seat.

"I…" Quinn could feel the tears welling in her eyes again as she listened to Mama Lopez's words. She wanted to say so much but couldn't find the words to do so. She felt like if she opened her mouth again she would crumble and she didn't want to do that. Not here, not now, not when Santana was inside and needed them. The only thing she could do was nod her head.

In response Shelby reached across the center console again and pulled Quinn into a big hug, planting a kiss on the top of her head. She smiled into Quinn's hair. "Let's go inside."

* * *

I was sitting cross legged on top of my comforter picking at a loose thread. I had been doing this for the past half an hour as I waited for my mom and Quinn to come home. Ruth had still been typing away at the computer in the office as I convinced Rachel to sleep in her own bed tonight. It took a lot of begging on my part but finally the eight year old caved and turned into her room for the night. As I pulled at the thread I tried my hardest to not let my mind travel to the awful moments that have now become a part of my life.

My mom had been at the Fabray's a while and that made me feel nauseous for my best friend. I waited on top of my comforter because I wanted to be awake when they got home. I wanted to tell Quinn how sorry I was for betraying her after all of these years. I felt incredibly guilty and the longer I sat in silence pulling at the damn loose thread the more and more I wished that things turned out differently for her.

My bedroom door opened slowly causing me to snap my head up instantly in its direction. When the door opened fully I watched as my best friend walked in slowly, pausing halfway to my bed. She pulled a red suitcase around the front of her and rested against it. Her knuckles seemed to be white as they gripped and played thoughtlessly with the black handle. I looked up at Quinn's face and noticed that she wasn't looking at mine. Her eyes were casted downward, watching her hands knead the handle of her suitcase. Her shoulders were hunched over as her head was hung. It broke my heart.

I quickly untangled my legs and stood from my bed. I paused for a moment before walking towards my best friend. She didn't acknowledge me at all. I finally reached down and laid my hand on hers taking the suitcase handle from her as I moved it slowly to the side. We both stared at the red suitcase as it now sat next to us instead of between us. For the first time since she walked into my room, I looked at the red bag. Realization rushed over me. This suitcase was filled with Quinn's clothes and probably a few toiletries. I've only ever seen the suitcase when she came along on family vacations. When Quinn would be kicked out of the house, even the times she spent multiple days with us; she never had a suitcase packed with her clothes. She only ever brought her cheerleading duffle with a few outfits and her toothbrush and makeup. This medium sized roller suitcase was different. I felt my jaw drop as I looked slowly back at my best friend. This time she looked up and met my eyes.

Her eyes were brimmed with tears. This suitcase meant something much more permanent than her duffle. This time it was for real. I could see it all over her sad tired face. I couldn't take the look in her eyes anymore as I watched a few tears begin to fall down her cheeks. I reached my arms out to Quinn and pulled her into a strong hug. Each of us rested our head's in the other's neck.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into Quinn's ear as I held her close to me. The reason she was standing here in my room with only one suitcase packed full of her things was because of me. The reason this was permanent was because I didn't keep my mouth shut. But I was also sorry that it took so long for me to say something. The reason she had to deal with all of the emotional and physical abuse year after year was because I convinced myself that not telling an adult was what she wanted and was therefore the best option. I should have told my mom years before, and for that I will always be very sorry.

Quinn released a sob into my neck and I felt her tears rush down into my shirt. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," She cried.

I continued to hold my arms firmly around her. Her crying brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly what she is apologizing for. She had to know why the cops were posted out front of our house. There was no way that she passed them without questioning my mother. Quinn is apologizing because she didn't know. She didn't know that he had come back again. She was sorry that I've had to….deal with him yet again. If I know my best friend like I know I do, then I know she is sorry that she wasn't here. But I'm not. Having Rachel here to witness…it…was bad enough. If my mom or Quinn had been here as well… I shook my head as tears fell down my own face at the mere thought.

"Shh…" I was trying to calm us both down. I started whispering soothing words into my best friend's neck as we continued our long embrace.

* * *

Rachel sat up quickly in her bed when she heard her mother's familiar light knock on the door. She folded her comforter over in her lap as she waited for her mother to cross her room, giving her a small smile.

Shelby looked around her youngest's room. It was bright. "You left the light on," she said softly as she sat down on the side of Rachel's bed.

Rachel's face faltered. "I….I didn't want to turn it off…." She looked down at her comforter before looking back up at her mom with an intense gaze. "Are you okay?" She changed the subject quickly.

Shelby ran her hand soothingly on the comforter over Rachel's leg. She smiled gently at her daughter, "Yes, I am."

"What about Quinnie? Is she okay?" Rachel asked with raised eyebrows.

Shelby took a minute before answering. She gave Rachel's leg a light squeeze before bringing her hand back to her own lap. Shelby nodded her head. "She will be."

Shelby watched as Rachel released a loud breath she didn't know she was holding. "Good," the young girl mumbled.

Shelby watched her daughter carefully. She could see the worry that was slowly melting off of the eight year old's face. Shelby finally understood why Rachel had issued her a warning to 'be safe' when she announced to the girls that she was going to the Fabray house to speak with Russell. Rachel was worried about her because of Russell. Rachel was worried because she had encountered Russell only days before. Shelby looked around Rachel's brightly lit room again slowly. It occurred to Shelby that her youngest daughter might have left the lights on because she couldn't sleep because she was wracked with worry and dread knowing that her mother and Quinn were in Russell's presence. Shelby's eyes landed on the carpet in front of Rachel's closet. That had been the spot that the evil man was laying on top of Santana when Rachel walked into the room yesterday evening. Shelby closed her eyes; maybe Rachel left the lights on because she was nervous about being in this room alone. Shelby made a mental note to rearrange Rachel's bedroom soon to try to change things around for her daughter. Either way, she hated that her daughter couldn't sleep and couldn't have the lights off in her own room.

Shelby sighed as she looked back at her daughter. Rachel was studying her carefully with her eyes. She gave her daughter a weak smile. "Rachel…" She watched Rachel's face fall once she heard the tone of her mother's voice. She continued, "Both Russell and Quinn told me that you went to the Fabray's house last Friday, after school."

Rachel raised her eyebrows in shock. "They did?" she mumbled. Quinn had told her that she wouldn't tattle on her breaking the rules last Friday.

Shelby brought her hand back to Rachel's covered legs and began to stroke them gently. "Yes baby." She gave her daughter a small smile to try to reduce some of the younger girl's anxiety. She looked Rachel directly in the eyes. "Are you okay? You warned me to be careful before I left for the Fabray house earlier." Shelby sighed; she was mad at herself for not questioning the odd warning her youngest had given at the time. She continued slowly, "Did anything happen when you were over there?"

Rachel quickly shook her head. "No...he was just...he was just scary and loud. I'm okay though." She gave her mom a small smile to try to convince her.

Shelby saw Rachel's smile and shook her head with a sigh. "Rachel, you shouldn't have gone over there. Riding your bike to Quinn's house is against the rules. Do you know why the 'big red house' rule is in place?" She raised her eyebrows as she waited for Rachel's response.

"Mama, I had to break it," the eight year old said pleadingly. "I had to help Quinn."

Shelby looked pointedly at Rachel. "That wasn't my question. Rachel, why do we have the rule?" She asked again, a little more firmly this time.

The eight year old sighed, "Because. … you or Sanny can't see me if I go past the red house. And... and the cars go faster past the red house."

Shelby nodded. "I know you're passionate, boo. But what you did was unsafe and it scares me that you did it and then hid it from me. You didn't get hurt because you were safe..." She looked at Rachel. "But mostly, you didn't get hurt because you were lucky, Rachel. Very lucky." She took a deep breath. "Do you have any idea how lucky you were? Someone could have taken you," she said seriously.

Rachel sat up taller in her bed. "I don't talk to strangers, Mama," she said quickly.

Shelby sighed and tilted her head as she looked at her daughter, "Yeah, you do, boo. You talk to everyone and if someone approached you and told you that they knew me or Ruth or Sanny..." Her thoughts trailed off.

"I don't, Mama," Rachel pleaded. "I usually say that I need to check with you...but...but when the man came to the door that one time, he said he knew Sanny." Rachel started breathing and speaking faster. "You weren't here and Sanny was outside... How am I supposed to know if they're telling the truth?"

Shelby could see that Rachel was visibly upset. "If neither of us are available then the rule is you never let anyone in the house that you don't know. Even if they say they know any of us. They could be lying and it isn't safe."

Rachel bowed her head. "I know that now," she muttered softly.

Shelby sighed and reached her hand out grabbing Rachel's softly. She waited until her daughter looked up to meet her eyes again before speaking, "Rachel, I need to know where you are at all times, and I need you to be honest with me when you say you are going somewhere. What you did was not okay." Shelby's voice wasn't loud or scary. She wanted Rachel to know that she couldn't pull a stunt like that again, but she didn't want to upset her during this stressful time.

Rachel hung her head. "I'm sorry, Mama." She looked back up at her mother and chewed her lip, "I just...I needed to do something."

Shelby creased her eyebrows and frowned suddenly at her daughter. "Why did you think you needed to do something?"

"Didn't you?"

Rachel's short and to the point question hit Shelby deep in her gut. She squeezed Rachel's hand tighter. "Sweetheart..." she began.

Rachel shook her head and cut her mother off as she pulled her hand from her mother's and placed it back on her own lap. "Mama, I'm a big girl. I can do things and I understand a lot more than you or Sanny or Quinn thinks I do...Just because... Just because I don't understand how grownups see it, doesn't mean that I don't... that I don't want to."

Shelby sighed. "I didn't mean that," she said softly. She watched her eight year old carefully. She'd known her daughter her whole life. She had watched her change and grow and this was a moment that was changing her. That killed Shelby.

Before Shelby could continue Rachel opened her mouth again. "Mama?" she asked looking at her hands.

"Yeah, boo?" Shelby focused on her daughter's eyes.

Rachel visibly swallowed and thought about her words for a moment before she began to speak. "What do I do?" she asked quietly still looking at her hands. Shelby wasn't sure what she meant, but before she could ask, Rachel went on. "What do I do if a boy tries to make me?" She looked up at her mother with her big brown eyes filled with confusion and worry. She watched her mother's face fall but she continued, not giving her a chance to answer, "Sanny tried to beat him up and push him... She screamed, too... Do I do that?"

Shelby's mouth hung open. How was she supposed to answer that?

Rachel continued, "Or is it... Is it like when Gavin Cramer was teasing me? Do I … do I let him?"

The mother took a deep breath. Rachel was always one to ask the hard questions. She knew she had crossed a new line with her youngest. She couldn't sugar coat this. She couldn't even try.

"Rachel," Shelby said carefully. "It's hard to say what the right thing and the wrong thing is."

"Why?"

"Because when you get older things..." Shelby searched for a word. "Things get..."

"Ambiguous?"

Shelby looked at her eight year old in surprise. After a moment, she wrapped her arm around her youngest. "You surprise me every day, Rachel. You're more like your daddy than you know." She sighed. "Okay, yes. Things are very ambiguous. Your sister did the right thing. She fought as hard as she could. He was just stronger."

Rachel frowned. "She lost though..." She looked up at her mother. "Right?"

"Rachel, this is what I mean when I say it's ambiguous. It's more than right or wrong. It's bigger than that." She watched her eight year old frown and reminded herself that while her child had a big vocabulary she was still eight years old. She still believed in Santa Clause. She still thought that there was goodness everywhere in the world. "Rachel, rarely are decisions as simple as wrong or right or win or lose. We want Sanny to survive. And she did. She's working through it still, but she did survive and that is the most important part." She released a quivering breath. "I hope to God and … everything, that you NEVER have to go through what Sanny went through."

"Mama, I … I want to," she said quietly.

"What?" Shelby said sharply.

"I don't understand, Mama. I want to... I don't know her anymore... maybe if I went through it too... I would understand. Like when I got stung by a bee. She got stung and -"

Shelby swallowed a lump in her throat. "That's not... That's not..." Shelby couldn't get ahold of her thoughts. She knew what could have happened to both of her girls if Rachel hadn't called the police and here she was, her eight year old, telling her she wanted to be raped. "Sweetheart, you don't want that to happen. What happened to Sanny was terrible and -"

Rachel let out a sob. "But I don't understand," she cried. "I don't know her anymore... I want to understand. I don't understand."

Shelby frowned and scooted closer to her daughter wrapping her arm around her shoulder, "Boo," she whispered into her ear as she rubbed her back. Rachel heaved into her. "Honey, calm down."

"I want Sanny back," she sobbed. "But she's not going to be the same. The lady said that."

"Who?" Shelby asked too sharply with her eight year old still leaned into her side.

"The police lady," Rachel said pulling away. She wiped her tears. "If I can't get her back, I want to be with her. I want to understand."

Shelby looked at her daughter and noticed her chin was trembling. "Rachel, you have never lost her. You and Sanny are going through different things. She loves you so much."

"I love her too," Rachel said with a quickly. "I love her more than ANYTHING!" Rachel thought for a moment. Shelby wiped away a stray tear as Rachel thought. "More than PENGUINS!"

Shelby smiled. "I know, boo, and she knows that too. But, please know that wishing you could go through something terrible just because your sister or someone you love went through it is not okay."

Rachel leaned into her mother. "I just want to be with her." She looked at mother. "She's my favorite sister." The girl scowled with thought. "Don't tell Quinn."

"Both of them love you very much and I do too. We need to all be honest with each other. But just know that nothing will ever make Santana stop loving you. Okay?"

Rachel nodded her head silently.

"Let's go see your sister; I'm sure she wouldn't mind having you sleep in her bed with her again tonight, okay?" Shelby kissed the top of her daughters head softly.

Rachel shook her head. "She didn't want me to be in there earlier...it's why I am in here now..."

Shelby brought Rachel's chin up with her palm gently to make eye contact with her baby, "Now that Santana has had a chance to talk with Quinn. I'm sure she would love it if you cuddled her tonight."

Rachel sighed. "Okay..." her voice was quiet but hopeful. She grabbed her mother's hand and slowly untangled herself from her comforter to stand up and make her way to her sister's room.

* * *

Quinn and I were now sitting next to each other on my bed. We were both staring at her red suitcase that remained closed and upright a few feet away from us. Neither of us had spoken after the initial crying fest had ended. I wasn't sure what to say, and I could tell that she was having the same issue. Not only that but, I wasn't really in the mood to talk…and one glance at my best friend I could see that she wasn't either. I started tapping my fingers on the edge of my mattress as I focused on her suitcase again silently. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Quinn breaking her eye contact from the suitcase to look at my hands.

She let out a breath, "You stopped biting your nails! When did this happen?" Quinn looked up at me quickly with a big smile. I creased my eyebrows and looked down at my hands, immediately stopping my fingers from tapping in the process. I've had the nasty habit of biting my finger nails for as long as I can remember. Quinn has been reminding me how nasty it is since as long as I can remember. Teamed up with my mother, the two of them have tried nearly everything for me to stop biting my nails: buying me the nasty tasting fingernail polish, showing me my fingernails under a microscope, making me watch a documentary about bacteria, bribing me with a cash reward if I drop the habit and much more. None of it has ever worked. I never realize I'm doing it until it is too late. I agree that it is very disgusting, I just can't help it.

I look up from my hands and straight into my best friend's eyes. I hold her gaze. I watch Quinn's smile slowly fade away as I stare at her silently. She is waiting for me to speak. "He um…He bit his nails. His hands were really big and dirty and….he bit his nails." I look down towards my newly growing nails again.

"Oh." Quinn finally replied. I could see her watching me out of the corner of my eye. She was thinking of what to say. I was too. We were suddenly enveloped in yet another awkward silence.

My head just felt so full and my heart felt so heavy. All I could keep thinking about was the look on Rachel's face as he was slowly backing her into a corner last night. She was so scared, yet she came out of her hiding spot to protect me. I couldn't bring myself to be thankful for her courageous move, for her pushing him off of me….because I was too stuck in all the possibilities that could have come from it. I was glad she called the cops. Things could have gotten incredibly worse if she hadn't. But I would have rather she just remained hidden. I would have preferred she never have seen him on top of me…or seen anything for that matter…even if that means…

Suddenly the words fell out of my mouth before I could even register that I was talking, "if Rachel hadn't hidden and called the cops...he would have raped me again. And if he found Rachel…he would have made me watch him rape my baby sister too." I shook my head before I looked over at my best friend. She was already looking at me, her eyes were wide. "He started to...he was going to do it again...and I was feeling that feeling in my stomach again..." I trailed off unable to properly articulate what it was I was trying to say. I knew that Quinn understood so I didn't need to finish my sentence. I shook my head. "Then Rachel pushed him and...he was looking at her like she was a Thanksgiving turkey or a big trophy and all I could do was lay on the floor and watch. I couldn't move. I couldn't protect her…that scares the hell out of me."

Silence again. My best friend continued to look at me gently. I could tell she was trying to process everything I just blurted out. It was obvious that she didn't know the details of what had happened last night by the look on her face. She was nodding her head slowly as she chewed on her lip, lost in her own mind. I nervously chewed on my lip as I waited for her to say something, anything.

"Santana," She started. Quinn reached onto my lap and grabbed one of my hands firmly in both of hers before she continued. "You are one strong ass individual."

I opened my mouth to protest and tell her that I really am not strong, but she wouldn't have it.

She shook her head cutting me off before I could even start. "And not because you pretend to be on the outside...but because you've had to be on the inside. You chose to live, to prosper on from your hardships." I shook my head at her but again she cut me off by squeezing my hand tighter and keeping her strong gaze on me before continuing. "Yes it is going to leave deep wounds that you'll think of often...but the fact of the matter is: it's in your past. It's done and you can't change anything."

Quinn's blunt words stung. But our friendship had never been one to tip toe around each other's feelings. We've always been honest and said exactly what was on our minds and so her bluntness was comforting in its own way.

She spoke again bringing me out of my thoughts. "The most important thing to remember is you lived THROUGH it." She squeezed my hand. "We are who we are because of the experiences we do and do not have, but they don't define us."

"Yea…" I replied weakly. I didn't have much else to say. Quinn's words rang through my head again. I want so desperately for her to be right….but there is this huge part of me that knows it can't be that simple. I did survive. I am still breathing, despite everything. But every day I wake up and I wonder why. I wonder what the point of it all was.

For some reason a quote popped into my head. Everything happens for a reason. I shook my head silently. Who came up with that shit? I frowned, it can't be true. There absolutely cannot be any reason for what I've had to live through. There can't be a reason for my eight year old sister to need to know what rape is. I looked at Quinn…my shoulders deflated when I finally notice the bruise that was on her neck. I hadn't seen that before. I shook my head again. Again, what was the reason for that? Why in the hell did such a wonderful person have to put up with that evil monster everyday of her life? Her father was leaving bruises on her neck now? I sighed heavily. The world was a cruel cruel place.

I licked my upper lip. "Do you want to talk about you now?" I asked quietly.

"No. I don't want to talk about me." She replied quickly.

I shook my head and turned my hands around in hers and began to hold hers. I looked her directly in the eyes as I sat up a little taller. "Well I do, so tough."

Quinn deflated silently, waiting for me to gather my words.

I felt tears prick my eyes but forced them to go away. I cleared my throat so that my voice would come out strong and sound as I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Quinn, I'm sorry that I told my mom...but I'm also not sorry." I shook my head as Quinn continued to look at me. I continued, "and I'm sorry that I'm not sorry...I just...you deserve so much better."

Quinn instantly shifted her gaze down towards our hands. She has never thought that she deserved better, and I know it is because that she was raised to feel that way…and that is what makes my stomach churn the most. I released one of her hands and raised her chin so that I could look her in the eyes. Hers were filled with sadness.

I shook my head. "What he was doing...you shouldn't have to hide bruises. You shouldn't have to sit out of cheerleading because it hurts to walk. You shouldn't be thinking all those nasty things you think about yourself because of the things he's been screaming at you day after day, year after year." I watched a single tear slip down Quinn's cheek. I smiled reassuringly at her, "you are my person and I love you too much to keep watching it happen. I couldn't keep it in any longer." Being under Quinn's gaze made my heart break a little more; the sadness in her eyes was killing me. I shrugged my shoulders as I felt myself deflate. "Anyway, that's why I told my mom."

There was a moment of silence between us. I chewed on my lip as Quinn seemed to go somewhere in her brain away from this moment. I waited for her to come back. She finally drew in a deep breath causing me to look up at my best friend again. Her voice was quiet, "I get it..." She trailed off causing me to furrow my eyebrows. What did she get? She chewed on her lip nervously for a bit before continuing. "I...I understand why you told...it's what I did when I told your mom..." She trailed off again.

I deflated even more. I had asked- no, begged Quinn not to tell my mom about….about him and everything that…happened that Tuesday night. She hadn't ever promised me that she wouldn't but she silently agreed that by bringing me to the doctor she wouldn't force me to tell my mother. Then after we had that fight…where I lost it and screamed about some of the terrible things that he did….that we did… while lying on the dirt ground of the woods, she went to my mom and told her. She told her even though I asked her not to. I thought about what Quinn just said and what I had done to her regarding her father. I nodded my head slowly. The situation was similar. Quinn had never sworn me to secrecy… we just had come to a mutual understanding that I would cover for her….and would keep her secrets from my mother because she asked me to. But something snapped and I felt like I had to tell my mom. I had seen too many off looks in Quinn's eyes, and had spent too many nights worrying about whether or not her dad was laying into her with the leather belt. I was worried and that was why I finally told my mom. She had done the same thing. It all made sense now. I could see the situation more clearly now that I connected the two. I raised my head up to look at her finally.

Quinn had tears clouding her vision. While I was off in my mind she must have been off in her own. She cleared her throat again, "I just wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't prepared for any of it. After all these years of hiding it…tonight your mom..." She trailed off and shook her head. I watched as she sat up taller and took in a deep breath. "She saw a lot tonight. My dad was...at his worst and she saw, and...I just never wanted her to see. I didn't ever want her to see any of it." Quinn shrugged her shoulders, "and now I can't go back there-"

I cut my best friend off as my eyebrows creased together, "and that is a bad thing?" I shook my head, "you never wanted to be there anyway." Quinn had kept her schedule so busy year after year in order to ensure that she was never home for very long. She loved spending the night at my house and always spent the weekends over here every chance she got, even when she wasn't kicked out.

Quinn nodded her head, "I know...it's just...weird. This feels…like a bad dream?" She looked me directly in the eyes, "you know?"

All I could do in return is sigh heavily. Yet again, I knew exactly what she means. This all feels like a terribly long bad dream. I nod my head. "Yea...I do know..."

We sit for a few moments coated by silence. We both go back to staring at Quinn's untouched red suitcase.

"Crap." Quinn suddenly exclaims but doesn't remove her gaze from the suitcase.

I turn my head to look at my friend, "what is it?"

Quinn finally met my gaze before she answered. "This means I'll have to share a bathroom with Rachel now."

It took me a moment to register Quinn's words. I watch as a small smile slowly filled Quinn's face. I could see that she couldn't talk about her anymore. I understood that. She was changing the topic and I couldn't help but follow her lead and pretend that everything was okay. I finally let out a short laugh as I smile at my friend in return. We had to laugh, because if we didn't we would cry and both of us had already shed our fair share of tears for the night. I nod my head as I feel my smile grow more. "No more leaving your makeup on the counter or you'll be lectured about the 'importance of keeping a kept house'."

I watch Quinn shake her head as she released a laugh herself. "Where does she learn these things from? She's eight!"

We both laughed some more. I shrugged my shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine. I'm still not totally convinced that my mom brought home the right baby from the hospital."

The sounds of our laughter were welcomed by my ears. Things had been so serious and dark lately that I had seemed to forget small moments such as this. Quinn elbowed me playfully in the side as we continued to laugh at how adorable my little sister was with her lectures and quirky habits.

* * *

Quinn woke up the next morning to a faint knock on her door. She rolled over in her bed and looked in the direction of the white door as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She barely remembered the rest of the previous night, let alone falling asleep and now suddenly it was the morning? What time was it? Quinn looked over at the clock, 5:04a.m. "What the hell?" She mumbled quietly. It took her a moment to realize that the room was only just beginning to brighten with the morning sun. Who would be knocking on her door this early on a Wednesday morning?

Quinn sat up a little taller in her bed as quietly as she could to hear if there was movement on the other side of the door. Maybe she dreamed the knock? Quinn furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at the still closed door. Her eyes lowered slowly only to land upon her red suitcase that was thrown haphazardly on the floor. She couldn't contain her sigh. All that happened last night wasn't a dream. It was real and this was now her life. It wasn't that she didn't want to be at the Lopez's. She loved nothing more than spending time with the family. It was the fact that everything she once knew….no longer existed. It was all different now.

The faint knock sounded on the door again, snapping Quinn from her thoughts. Why was someone knocking on her door at five in the morning? Why aren't they coming in?

"Hello?" The blonde finally asked to the person standing outside of the closed door. The door slowly opened revealing Ruth on the other side. She was clad in a pencil skirt, flowing blouse and tan heels with her hair pulled tightly up in a perfect bun.

"Hey sweetie," Ruth stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind her. She flicked the lights on in the room as she walked over to Quinn's bed and stood at the side of it. Quinn sat up taller in her bed as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and combed her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame it. Ruth smiled at the young girl, "sorry to wake you this early, but I was going to be heading out to work soon."

Quinn waited for the adult to continue, but when she didn't she furrowed her eyebrows. Was Ruth really waking her up at five in the morning to tell her she was leaving for work? Quinn looked at the older woman with skeptical eyes. She could tell something wasn't being said. "Okay? Have a good day...?" Quinn said slowly.

Ruth smiled at the feisty blonde she'd gotten to know and love over the years. She remained standing in her spot next to the bed as Quinn eyed her waiting to see what else she wanted. Ruth sighed, knowing that this was something she had to do. She felt her smile slowly fall from her face and watched as Quinn's face fell along with it. She nodded her head at the young girl as she took a seat down on the edge of the mattress. "Shelby wanted me to talk to you last night...but I lost track of time, and you were already asleep by the time I made it up here."

"Oh..." Quinn said quickly instantly knowing what this early morning wakeup visit was really about. She hung her head in embarrassment.

Ruth gently patted Quinn's leg in order to get the girl to look up at her rather than hang her head. "She explained….everything to me." She took a deep breath, "She also said that you'd rather me take a look than her?"

Quinn rolled her eyes, something she rarely ever did to an adult. This was Ruth though. Ruth was different. She was like the cool aunt that she never had. The one who would sneak her extra candy after Mama Lopez's cut off time or the one who was always blunt and straightforward. Or the one who cracked jokes and made funny faces at inappropriate times to make you smile. Quinn shook her head, "I'm fine really. It isn't anything. I'd rather you both trust me and nobody 'take a look'."

Ruth shook her head quietly, "It's not that we don't trust you, Quinn. It's that we care about you and are worried. Don't forget we are doctors-"

Quinn couldn't help but roll her eyes as she cut off the woman, "I know."

Ruth couldn't help but smile at the young blonde, despite her eye roll. Quinn, like Santana, had never been a morning person. She knew there was a chance of attitude from the young girl being it was only five in the morning. Her smile slowly fell from her face as she remembered why she had woken Quinn up at 5 a.m. in the first place. Ruth looked at her, "Quinn, Santana had an infection in one of the cuts on her stomach. You girls are young. Sometimes you don't know when something is worse than it seems. It would make both me and Shelby feel so much better if you let one of us just give you a once over." She paused as Quinn lowered her head again. "We don't want anything to be wrong and go unnoticed. It isn't us being nosy; it is just us caring SO much about you."

Quinn felt herself deflate more and more as Ruth went on and on. She started nervously playing with her hair as she looked down at the blanket that she was still covered by. "I know…I just..." her voice was soft as she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

Ruth watched Quinn closely. She nodded her head in understanding. "It's hard," she completed the young girl's sentence for her. Ruth took a deep breath as she continued to watch Quinn anxiously play with her long blonde hair. "I can only imagine."

The room suddenly became silent. Nothing but the sound of breathing could be heard. Quinn had her head hung, not moving. The girl had avoided her eyes and that ate away at Ruth. She looked over at the clock again and realized that she was just delaying the inevitable. There was no question that before she left this room, she would have looked at Quinn to ensure that the young girl was in fact not injured. Ruth understood how difficult this would be for Quinn, as it would no doubt be difficult for herself as well. She had this bad feeling in the pit of her stomach since Shelby had told her the details of what had happened at the Fabray house last night. Shelby was in tears as she retold Ruth the sequence of events. Shelby rarely cried. Lately it's been one awful thing after the next bringing her hard ass friend to tears over and over, and watching it happen has been hard for Ruth herself. That's why Ruth had absolutely no problem doing this for Shelby….and for Quinn.

Ruth sighed, "I need to look Quinn. I have to. We can do this quickly or...you can take your time. It's up to you."

Quinn understood that this was going to happen, whether she wanted it to or not. She slowly lowered her hands from her hair and nodded her head slowly, doing everything in her power to avoid Ruth's eyes. She licked her lips gently. When she spoke again her voice was extremely low and quiet but she didn't even try to fix it. "Do you want me... to ... um... lay down... or stand up?"

Ruth released a breath she forgot she was holding when Quinn finally spoke. The older woman continued to sit on the side of the bed as she thought over the different options for how they could do this. She quickly stood up next to the bed and immediately patted the section of the mattress she was previously sitting on. She felt Quinn's eyes on her but when she looked up the blonde quickly shifted her gaze away. Ruth spoke, "why don't you lay along the side of the bed here, face down?"

Quinn looked at the spot on the mattress that Ruth had just patted. She felt anxiety fill her chest. Her eyes began to water at the thought of what was about to happen so she made sure to continue to avoid Ruth's eyes at all costs. "Okay," she finally mumbled.

Quinn couldn't bring herself to move. She looked at the bed and then back at Ruth and then back at the bed again. She wanted to back out. Could she change her mind? Was it too late? Ruth stood next to the bed and waited for her next move. Quinn bit her lip. No one had ever done this. She couldn't remember the last time she had a checkup. She was able to pass her physical because they didn't even need you to undress anymore. They just listened to her heart and things. That was it. Even when she slept with any of the guys she had been with she never let them see her body. She always demanded to have the lights off. Or they would be too drunk to even take the time to notice in the first place. After all this time. After all these years...she had been careful to keep things hidden and now...now they were about to be aired out in the open. She swallowed noticeably. She didn't know how to do this.

She knew that it wasn't terrible. She knew that it could be covered by her spanks or her bikini. It's how she got away with hiding it for so long. It was just 'bad' in comparison to other people. To her it wasn't terrible or bad. To her it just was what it was, but she knew that it wasn't normal. As she walked to the bathroom stall through the locker room for every gym class or cheerleading practice to change throughout the years she had seen glimpses of the other girls. The ones who weren't too modest to change in front of other people. The ones who didn't have anything to hide. Their skin was flawless. Quinn knew hers wasn't. Quinn remained still as she stared at the mattress again. It was simply...She searched her head for words. No one expected this from the Fabray family. She had to keep up that image. The family had a reputation. She didn't want to own up to that truth. Yet not wanting to or not, here she was.

"Quinn?" Ruth called breaking Quinn out of her thoughts.

Quinn looked up from the mattress but didn't look directly at the standing woman. She couldn't bring her eyes to meet hers. "Can you...can you turn around?"

The woman looked at Quinn with a pang of guilt and a mixture of reluctance. How had she missed this? And now how much was she becoming involved in? She didn't want to let this girl down again, but she couldn't help but feel insignificant and helpless. Ruth forced a smile to her face. "Of course." She slowly turned away from the bed and faced the closed bedroom door as she heard the blankets and sheets crinkle with movement on the bed behind her.

As soon as Ruth was no longer looking at her, Quinn kicked the comforter off of her legs and hastily climbed across the bed to the side that Ruth had signaled for her to be. She took a deep breath as she gently lay herself down on the mattress again, this time on her stomach. Quinn felt the coolness of the pillowcase on her cheek and deciding that she wanted to look away from the woman as this happened. There was no way she could handle seeing the look that was sure to cover Ruth's face. Quinn took another deep breath but when she it released with a tremble. She squeezed her eyes shut and paused with her hands on her pajama pants' waistline. After forcing a few more breaths in and out of her lungs, Quinn slowly wiggled her bottoms down over her backside, completely exposing herself. As soon as she felt the air from the fan hit her flesh she felt her eyes water. This was really going to happen. It wasn't even that big of a deal... not to her. If it wasn't a big deal to her, then why should it be to everyone else? Quinn blinked her eyes to keep the tears from falling. She sighed heavily. She knew why. She understood why the adults wanted to make sure she was okay...but it didn't mean that she had to like it. Quinn could feel her heart rate intensifying, but there was nothing she could do about it.

She licked her lips gently. "Kay," she finally spoke. The word came out just above a whisper, but she knew Ruth had heard it because she could hear the older woman's feet turning around on the carpeted floor. This was it.

When Ruth turned around she saw that Quinn was prepared. She noticed that the blonde had her head facing away from her, which caused her heart to swell. Quinn was nervous. It seemed to seep from every pore the young girl had. The fact that she was so nervous was making Ruth nervous. The older woman took a deep breath before slowly lowering her gaze to the young blonde's naked bottom.

Tears instantly stung at her eyes. Ruth was a doctor at a pediatric practice. She had seen kids with injuries, she had seen kids with illnesses, and unfortunately she had also seen kids whose parents were the reason they had to be taken to the doctor's office in the first place. Somehow none of those cases over the past decade plus could prepare her for seeing someone she loved hurt the way Quinn was. She had seen worse cases of child abuse. However, this wasn't some random child; this was Quinn and because it was her the ache radiated so deep within her she felt like it wouldn't heal. She had loved this girl for eight years and had no idea. No idea at all that this was happening. She had seen worse cases of child abuse, she repeated in her head. Why hadn't she been able to see it before?

Ruth had to remind herself to breathe as she took in Quinn's backside. It was covered in days old welts that were still slightly raised and a few shades darker than the rest of the young girl's pale skin. The healing welts were outlined in faint green discolored bruises. It made Ruth want to scream while making her want to cry at the same time. None of which she could do at the moment with the young blonde lying so still and quiet underneath her gaze. She finally forced herself to look past the fresh wounds she could only assume were left from Friday's punishment. But, what her eyes landed on knocked the wind from the older woman's lungs.

"Oh god..." Ruth felt the words quickly fly out of her mouth before she could control them. Her hand shot up to cover her mouth; her eyes didn't leave what she was looking at on blonde's skin.

Quinn quickly squeezed her eyes shut at Ruth's exclamation. She was embarrassed and mortified at the same time. She wished that she was anywhere but here. She didn't want to be in this moment at all. She held her breath, unintentionally, as she continued to hold her eyes shut firmly.

Ruth leaned in closer to Quinn's bottom. She shook her head as she felt anger erupt within her. "Quinn...there are scars." She made sure that her voice didn't have any of the anger she felt in it as she spoke again. "You have scars?" Ruth looked up towards the blonde's face. She noticed the young girl's eyes were squeezed tightly closed, but she was waiting for her answer. How had she missed this? There were scars.

Quinn had had enough. She couldn't do this anymore. The worry and sadness that filled Ruth's voice was killing her. She opened her eyes and in one swift movement brought her arms up to her shoulders and pushed against the mattress to push herself up. However, she was quickly met with the mattress again. Her face landing back on the pillow just as quickly as it had left it.

Ruth had quickly put her hand on the small of Quinn's back to keep her from getting up. She used her hand to gently lay her back down without saying a word.

Quinn gave up. She didn't try to sit up again as she still felt Ruth's hand on her lower back. She was too embarrassed, too ashamed to try anything more. She squeezed her eyes close tightly again. "It's fine," the young girl whispered.

Ruth shook her head. "It's not fine. There are multiple scars here."

Quinn's eyes snap open. "I know that!" she hissed at Ruth from the pillow her face was on. Quinn didn't mean to snap at Ruth, she just suddenly felt this quick burst of anger within her and couldn't control it. But just as quickly as the anger built, it deflated again, leaving her feeling sorry and upset for snapping at the woman who was honestly trying to help her. She shook her head into the pillow. "Sorry...I just...I know..." Quinn trailed off. She knew there were scars. It was the reason she always had to dress out for PE or her cheerleading practices in the bathroom stalls rather than out in the open with all the other girls. It wasn't because she was shy, it was because she had something to hide.

Ruth's voice cut into Quinn's thoughts. "Why didn't you say anything, sweetie?" Ruth was staring at the different scars that covered the blonde's skin. She reached her hand out and held it over the top of Quinn's skin but quickly decided against her decision and pulled it away without touching the young girl. Ruth leaned over the edge of the bed more to look at Quinn's face as she waited for the young girl to answer her question. She looked just in time to see Quinn press her face deeper into the mattress. Her eyes were starting to water. Ruth watched the blonde close her eyes and shake her head. Her only response to Ruth's question was a simple shrug of her shoulders. Ruth sighed heavily as her eyes landed on Quinn's bottom again.

"Are we done now?" Quinn's voice sounded so broken. It was barely above a whisper.

Ruth looked at the young girl again, at the numerous scars, some dark...some faded so light that they were barely detectable. Some were long others short, but all of them were completely healed. There were no open wounds. No infections. No blisters. Just the remnants of days old welts.

"Ruth? Can I...can we be done now?" Quinn asked again breaking Ruth out of her daze. Her voice was stronger now.

Ruth immediately forced a smile to her mouth, even though she knew Quinn couldn't see her from the position she was lying in. Still she didn't want her face to convey the immense sorrow that her heart felt when the young girl finally did turn around. Ruth sighed quickly, "Sure...yea, sweetie. We are done. You don't have any infections."

Ruth stood upright and turned to sit on the edge of the bed as she said the last statement. Quinn didn't have to be told twice. The young girl instantly shot up and practically leaped off the bed to a standing position. Ruth looked in the other direction over at the TV to give Quinn a sense of privacy as the young girl pulled up her pajama pants.

Ruth looked at the screen and quickly recognized the Disney channel flash across the screen. She felt another pang in her chest. She almost forgot that Quinn slept with the TV muted on the Disney channel. Ruth constantly had to remind herself that Quinn was just a kid with how grown up she always acted apart from this one thing. The Disney channel logo made Ruth's eyes water. This beautiful, fun, loving, sweet girl that wiggled her way easily into her heart was sixteen years old with scars on her backside from whippings her father had given her over the years with his belt. Whippings that were so bad they broke the skin and split it so deeply that scar tissue had to repair it together again. The girl still slept with the TV on the Disney channel for crying out loud. How could anyone do that to a kid? Let alone this one? Let alone her own father?

Quinn's voice broke through Ruth's train of thoughts. "I told you there were no cuts this time." Her voice had gained more strength now that she wasn't lying underneath Ruth exposed.

Ruth was thankful that Quinn was still occupied with tying her pants as the young girl said her last comment because Ruth could feel that her face had faltered significantly. The last two words of that simple statement seemed to echo in the older woman's ear. It stung at Ruth's heart yet again. Ruth forced herself to sit up taller as she pushed her own emotions down and quickly wiped her eyes before turning her head to smile kindly at the girl. "Thank you for being honest and thank you for doing this." She stood up from the girl's bed now facing the young blonde. "You should go back to sleep for a little. Shelby will have pancakes ready for you girls in a few hours."

Quinn felt the uneasiness of the room. She felt herself deflate from her quick euphoric high of 'being right'. She could see in the look in Ruth's eyes that she hadn't been right. Quinn wanted to kick herself for her last statement. Why did she say that? The blonde looked up at Ruth's face. The older woman had a smile on it, but she could see that behind the smile held a lot of sadness and regret. Quinn could see past the fake smile because she had become a professional herself at putting on masks. She had to put on a smiling face more times than she could count when all she wanted to do was lay down and cry. By doing so, she had also become somewhat of an expert at pointing out when other people were wearing masks too. She looked at Ruth again and felt her shoulders deflate. Quinn knew that the reason the older woman was trying so hard to keep her mask on right now was because of her. She also knew the reason for the pain and sadness that was behind the older woman's mask was because of her as well.

"Okay..." Quinn finally sighed as she climbed back into her bed. She watched as Ruth turned to leave the room. Quinn shook her head. She couldn't let her leave without explaining herself. "Ruth?" Quinn called out causing the older woman to pause in her steps.

Ruth turned around to face the blonde. "Yes Quinn?"

Quinn felt her hands begin playing with her hair nervously as she looked the older woman directly in the face. She shook her head. "The scars aren't that bad. That's why I didn't say anything. They weren't what hurt..." She trailed off. Ruth was looking at her with furrowed eyebrows so Quinn took a deep breath to continue. "What hurt the most was some of the things he would say... some of the comments he would make... the names he would call me..." Quinn shook her head, "the spankings weren't regular. I know it looks bad, but it wasn't because they weren't regular. The harsh words though? And the yelling? That was constant." She shrugged her shoulders as she released her hands from her hair and sat up taller on her bed. Ruth remained silent as Quinn finished, "so I guess I didn't say anything because...the spankings weren't that bad compared to the other things...not really. I promise. Okay?"

Ruth paused before responding to the girl. She had to think of the right thing to say. Ruth took a deep breath as she smiled genuinely at Quinn. "You never have to worry about any of that ever again." She paused as she looked at the beautiful blonde sitting on the bed with her shoulders sagged. Ruth took another breath, "I always have my phone on me. I know you know that... but I want to make sure it's fresh in your head. I'm here for you sweetie. Always. We all are."

Quinn instantly darted her eyes away from Ruth's. "Okay…" she responded quietly.

Ruth nodded her head and turned to exit the room again. Once the door was open she froze in the threshold and turned to look over her shoulder at the blonde. "Call me if you ever need anything. Anything at all."

Quinn gave a small smile and nodded her head silently. "Thanks," she replied softly.

With that the older woman continued to walk from the room, closing the door shut behind her. As soon as the white door was closed she felt her face fall and her shoulders instantly hunch over. Nothing could have prepared her for that. She had no idea it was that bad. All these years and none of them had any idea.

* * *

The smell of warm maple syrup and pancakes filled the house. As soon as you leave your room you always know when it is Wednesday because the wonderful smells instantly fill your nostrils. A small smile rose on my lips for a couple reasons. First of all, I love pancakes. Secondly, it was Wednesday morning and our tradition of having pancakes ready for us when we wake up wasn't tarnished by anything that has happened; he didn't change that aspect of my life. Thirdly, my stomach was grumbling. I was hungry and had an appetite.

My little sister grabbed my hand and together the two of us walked from my room downstairs to the kitchen where my mom and Quinn were already gathered. I smiled at both of them sleepily as I reached for a plate and begun to load a few pancakes onto it for myself. My mom walked around the island and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Good morning girls." She smiled.

I smiled in reply and watched as she made her way over to Rachel. I took this moment to look up at my best friend. I gave her a small smile, which she returned, but I could see that there was something behind her eyes. My brows furrowed instantly but she quickly shook her head dismissing my concern. She stood up from her stool and walked towards the sink where she began cleaning her plate.

"Quinn, you don't have to do that. I'll get it," My mom stood up from hugging Rachel as she looked at my best friend. She quickly took the plate from Quinn's hand and thanked her as she took over washing it and rinsing it off. I watched as Quinn avoided her eyes. Had I missed something this morning? Quinn wasn't acting like herself. I could tell and she hadn't even said a word so far this morning.

I watched Rachel walk up to grab a plate as I sat down on my stool to enjoy my breakfast. Quinn was standing awkwardly next to the sink, still silent. Rachel's voice filled the room, "How long are you going to be here, Quinnie?"

I looked at my little sister as she watched Quinn intently waiting for her to answer. When Quinn didn't answer, I looked over at my best friend again. She was biting her lip anxiously; her eyes were darting all over the kitchen as she twirled a piece of her hair in her hands. I could now read the look she had on her face. All of this didn't seem real to her. Neither of us really spoke of it being permanent last night during our talk. Sure we mentioned that she would have to share a bathroom with Rachel but we never said for how long. Saying something out loud always made it more real. I understood that. Quinn was fighting herself with this new adjustment. I could tell by her silence and her obvious attempt to look anywhere but Rachel's wondering eyes. It all still felt like a dream. I understood that too.

My mom finished rinsing the plate and turned towards Rachel and Quinn as she dried the plate with a towel. She must have seen the look on Quinn's face as well and noticed the unusually long pause to Rachel's question because she answered for her. "She is going to be living with us, Rachel."

Rachel's jaw dropped as her face lit up. She was looking at Quinn as she asked our mother, "like….forever?" Her voice was filled with excitement. She finally looked over at our mother because Quinn continued to avoid her brown eyes.

I watched my mom smile at Rachel. She nodded her head, "Until she graduates college or gets sick of us... whichever comes first." My mom looked over at Quinn with the same smile to try to ease her nerves.

Rachel let out a sudden squeal of delight as she ran towards Quinn and slammed into her holding her tightly around her waist as she jumped up and down. Her smile covered her entire face as she shouted, "so I did help!" I watched as Rachel pulled away from Quinn quickly and looked up at the blondes face, seeming to miss the hurt look that covered it before she hugged her again.

The exclamation made by my sister tugged at all of our hearts. I could see it in my mom's face as well as Quinn's. I watched my mom quickly recover, "Rachel let's give Quinn some space okay? Get yourself some pancakes, eat up."

My little sister pulled away from Quinn with the same smile on her face, "Okay." I watched her skip towards the pancakes and then practically jump up on the stool next to me as she began to cut her pancakes into little pieces.

I looked over at my friend. Quinn was still frozen in the same spot but she was slowly putting herself back together again. She caught me staring and quickly put a smile on her face. She was trying to convince both me and herself that she was okay. I gave her a weak smile as I looked down at my plate and forked the last bite of pancakes into my mouth.

As soon as I swallow the last bite the shrill chime of the doorbell filled the house. My breath freezes in my chest as my entire body seems to instantly tense up at the noise.

"Who could that be?" I barely hear my mother ask as she sets down the kitchen towel she had previously been holding. The doorbell rings again. I look over at my mother slowly, my hands are shaking. My mom shrugs her shoulders. "I'll go see who that is," she says as she starts to walk in the direction of the front door.

_"Fine! I'll wait for her. You chose this remember. I can't wait to see if your mother is anything like you are. I'll take her right here on this lovely front porch. You think she is a screamer too?"_

I snap out of my flashback. Suddenly I am able to move. "No!" I shout out loud to the room. I thrust my body off of the stool into a standing position, sending my stool crashing to the ground. I turn on my heel quickly with wide eyes just in time to see my mother turn to face me once she heard my yell and the sound of the stool falling to the ground, again. "Don't!" I yell again.

"Santana-"

My mother starts but I cut her off waving my hands wildly in the air, "Don't open the door! PLEASE!" I scream at her. I feel tears running down my cheeks. When had I started to cry? "Don't do it!" I cry out again. I release a breath as my mother starts walking towards me. I look over my shoulder to see Quinn holding Rachel in her arms. My sudden explosion must have terrified my sister. I could see her shaking. Her face was covered in dread. I looked up and saw my best friend giving me a worried questioning look as well. I shook my head quickly.

I looked back in the direction of my mother only to be met by her arms pulling me into a hug. I didn't expect her to be right there when I turned around so the hug made me jump out of my skin. "No! Please! No!" I screamed as I tried to push away from the embrace. All I could feel were his arms crawling all over my body.

"Santana," My mom's voice was in my ear now. She wasn't letting me go despite my harsh pushes. "It's Mama. It's me baby, shhhh. Calm down."

Hearing my mom's words made me come back to the present and take in the situation. I stopped pressing against my mother and fell into her embrace. I clung onto her back as I wrapped my arms around her, holding my ear against her chest. The thumping of her heart calmed me further. Once my breathing was slower I felt my mother slowly pull me away from her body.

She smiled at me gently, "Santana, I'm going to go answer the door now, you stay here with-"

I cut her off, "No mom you can't-"

She shook her head cutting me off in return, "Santana, there are officers outside. Two of them. We are safe here, baby." She planted a soft kiss on my forehead. I watched as she looked over my head, "Quinn, sweetie can you get Santana a glass of water please?"

"Yes mam'," I heard my best friend's voice reply quietly.

My mom looked back at me, "Go sit down with Rachel and Quinn, I'll be right back okay?" She didn't give me a chance to answer. My mom turned on her heel and walked quickly from the room towards the front door."

* * *

Shelby swung the door open quickly, feeling poorly for making whoever stood on the other side wait so long. She understood Santana's sudden freak out. It made sense to her she just hadn't been expecting it. Shelby could kick herself, she understood what triggers were. She was a doctor; they had to do a psychology rotation in medical school. It only made sense that there would be things that would send Santana into a frenzied panic. She shook her head at herself; she really needed to try talking to her again about seeing a therapist.

Shelby looked at the tall slender man standing in front of her, dressed in his police navy blue uniform. He was standing upright with his hands rested on his holster. She tried to mask her worry as she put a smile on her face. "Good morning, how can I help you?" She nodded at the officer.

The officer smiled back at her, "Morning mam', my name is Mark Epstein." He extended his hand to shake Shelby's politely.

Shelby reached hers out as well and gave the officer a firm handshake. "Shelby Lopez," she spoke strongly.

Officer Epstein smiled at Shelby kindly nodding his head, "yes mam'." He repositioned his hand back on his hip and took a breath. "I just wanted to let you know that me and my partner," the young officer pointed over his shoulder at the cruiser that was parked in the street before continuing, "Brooke Myers, will be on site today watching your house and family. We wanted to let you know that we are here and will be here all day until the night crew returns to relieve us."

Shelby felt a weight lift off of her shoulders as she sighed a breath of relief. She looked around the officer in front of her and waved at the woman who remained in her police car. Shelby looked back at Officer Epstein. "Thank you, that is very kind of you. We appreciate your service so much." She shook her head, "I'm sorry that you have to do this-"

Officer Epstein shook his head cutting off Shelby mid-apology. "No mam' not at all. This is our job." He smiled politely, "we want to ensure that you and your girls remain safe. You have a great day mam'."

With that Shelby watched as the young officer backed up and walked down the driveway towards his cruiser. Once he closed the door to the car she gave another wave and shut the door softly. She sighed another breath of relief knowing that the two officers out front were capable and alert and watching over her house and girls.

* * *

My mother ordered pizza for lunch. She had decided that it would be better if we all didn't go to school again today, especially after my outburst in the kitchen. So instead she sat us all in the family room in front of the TV to eat in order to try to distract our minds from what was going on around us. Rachel had never been quieter. My scene in the kitchen from the doorbell ringing scared her too much. I could see the look of regret that now covered her face as she quietly ate her second slice of pizza. I could see that she was stuck in her memories of Monday night just as I was. The doorbell ringing through both of us for a loop...but my screams and cries must have set Rachel further into her memory than I had been. I felt my shoulders sag even more. She had been hiding in my closet as she heard me scream and cry when that...man was on top of me. I reminded her of that today. I felt horrible. Her silence echoes louder than ever.

Quinn sat next to Rachel, comforting her and encouraging her to eat. She tried to get her to talk or laugh but to no avail. Every so often I could see Quinn's eyes focused on me...trying silently to figure out what was going through my head. I never met her gaze.

My mother set a fresh piece of pizza next to my barely touched slice I already had on my plate as she sat down next to me again. I looked up at her gently with a questioning glare.

"You need to eat both pieces Santana, come on." She urged simply.

I glanced down at the two pieces on my plate. I wasn't hungry. I didn't want to eat. I looked back at my mom and she raised her eyebrows at me again as she nodded her head. I quietly folded and took another tiny bite to please her as I pretended to go back to watching the show that was on the television screen. As I chewed my food I realized that we had been sitting in front of the television for at least one hour and I had absolutely no idea what show we were watching, or was it a movie? I shook my head; I didn't even know what channel we were on. That damn doorbell really through me off. I can't help but feel I make one step forward and then get thrown half a mile back.

Suddenly the familiar chime rings through the TV as the words 'special announcement broadcast' flash across the screen. The volume seems to increase although no one is touching the remote. I furrow my eyebrows as the picture shifts to the two familiar Lima news anchors sitting at their desk in their news studio. The news chime ends and the male newscaster opens his mouth to speak. I quickly force the marcel of food that I had in my mouth down my throat with a harsh swallow as time seems to slow down while we wait for the words to fall from his mouth. What could possibly be going on that would interrupt the afternoon programs in Lima Ohio? I got my answer half of a second later when the male began to speak. My world froze.

_Sorry to interrupt today's programing but we have some breaking news... Lima Police are asking for the public's help to catch a man who raped a 16-year-old woman._

_The woman was walking to her car on Mitchell Circle at approximately 7 p.m. last Tuesday when she was approached from behind. The victim was preoccupied and did not see her assailant come up to her. The man, about 21 to 25-years-old grabbed her and dragged her into nearby woods where he threatened her with a knife and brutally raped her._

_The same man showed up at the victim's house located in Eleven Oaks Neighborhood last night around 6 p.m. where he attempted to rape her again. The police were called by a family member causing the assailant to take off on foot when sirens could be heard._

_The man is described as Hispanic, about 5-foot-11, with a medium build and a round face. He has a tiger tattoo on his left forearm and a gold tooth over his left bicuspid._

_Anyone with information is asked to call Lima police. The police have reason to believe that this man might also be tied to the other rapes that were reported earlier this month within the city's limits. This man is considered to be dangerous and wields a weapon so be cautious of your surroundings and keep an eye out for suspicious activity. _

_We will update you further of any developments that might arise with this case. Tune in at 6p.m. tonight for the full story._

The TV instantly cut back to the awful show that had previously been playing. Like nothing had happened at all. I continued to stare at the screen as I held my breath. I couldn't blink, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. Out of my peripheral vision I could see my family's eyes on me, but right now all I could do was stare at the TV and replay everything the news broadcaster had just announced to the city. How many times have they shown that breaking news story? Were people talking about it all over town now? Will everyone know?

"Santana, this is good. This will help the police find him quicker and get him off the streets and in prison where he belongs." My mom's voice was smooth and quiet next to me. I couldn't respond. She tried again as I continued to stare at the TV screen. "The more people that know, the more people will be aware and keep their eyes peeled out for him. He's going to be caught soon Santana, and then we won't need police cruisers outside."

I still haven't blinked. Quinn and Rachel were still staring at me silently, waiting for me to respond to my mom's words. I still couldn't breathe or move. The newscaster's words repeat in my head, "_The man, about 21 to 25 grabbed her and dragged her into nearby woods where he threatened her with a knife and brutally raped her." _The anchorman had no problems saying those words. The whole thing just seemed to roll off his tongue so easily, yet that 45 second clip covered the worst moments of my life. Only it didn't cover it...not really. I wasn't just raped. My virginity was stolen from me. He didn't just threaten me with a knife; he used it on me in a way that I'll always have to remember him by. It wasn't just any family member who called the police last night...it was my baby eight year old sister who had to hear and watch him begin to assault me again.

"Santana?" My mom tried a third time.

I suddenly snapped my head in her direction. She was looking at me with raised eyebrows, waiting for me to speak or cry or do something, anything. I felt a surge in my stomach, "I think I'm going to be sick." I quickly stood up and ran from the room with my hand over my mouth, ignoring my stomach's protests, trying my hardest not to throw up before I reached my mother's bathroom toilet.

* * *

**A/N: Again sorry for such a delay in updating! I know this chapter is incredibly long...I don't know how it got to be this way, so I apologize if the length annoys or discourages anyone. Let me know your thoughts! I always love the reviews!**

-E


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews! I love them SO MUCH. I was able to get this chapter update to you a bit quicker than the last, which I am quite happy about. I am sorry for making you guys wait so long. I know that I used to be able to update every 3-4 days. This weekend and next week are going to be quite busy, so I don't know how quick I will be able to get you the next chapter, but hopefully this one will tie you over until then. **

**I apologize. Blame my professors and my evil boss. Thank you all for your continued support!**

**Chapter 18**

I watched as Quinn was standing on her tip toes trying to get a glass pitcher on the top shelf down. She had just finished making tea and needed the glass container to pour the warm liquid into. My mom called to Quinn over her shoulder from where she was standing across the kitchen. "Hold on, Quinn, I'll get that down for you."

I had finished throwing up after that awful news report caught me off guard and had since taken a shower. It was beginning to get dark outside. I was now sitting at the island in the kitchen silently twisting my long wet hair in my hands to occupy my time. Rachel was up in my bed taking a nap. I changed my focus from Quinn over to my mother who was now putting down the dish she was washing into the sink. She pulled her hands from the soapy water and started to rub them dry on a kitchen towel so that she could help Quinn.

Suddenly a loud crash made me instinctively jump off of the stool I was perched on. I quickly took a few steps away from the stool as I felt my heart beating in my throat. Once I saw the origin of the loud noise I forced myself to take a deep breath. My hand shot over my heart to try to calm its pace as well.

Quinn had managed to get the glass pitcher down from the top shelf. Unfortunately now it was shattered around her feet on the kitchen tile. It must have hit the pot of tea on its way crashing to the floor because the dark liquid was also now freely running across the counter and dripping onto the floor. I wiped furiously at my eyes before the tears could fall. I couldn't help but be mad at myself for letting a broken pitcher nearly bring me to tears. I had cried too many times today already. I couldn't let a little broken glass add to the list of things I cry over.

My self-hatred was cut short this time when I heard my best friend's desperate voice, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," she repeated quickly. I focused my eyes on Quinn and watched her as she took a deep breath then continued to speak at an incredibly rapid pace, "I'm so sorry, I'll clean it up. I'm sorry." She had tears falling down her cheeks, her face was flushed and she was breathing really fast.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I had never seen my best friend like this before. She was visibly freaking out about breaking a silly glass pitcher. I understood why I was freaked out, but I couldn't figure out why she was so shaken up. I looked at my mom questioningly. My mom had a concerned look on her face as well as she tried to get my friend's attention, "Quinn? Quinn."

I looked back over at my friend and saw that she was now rushing back towards the mess and spill with two hands full of paper towels. She was still repeating her 'I'm sorry' mantra under her breath as she started to mop up the spilt liquid on the countertop. She was ignoring my mom's words completely. I frowned. Maybe she wasn't ignoring them...the deeper I looked at my friend it seemed like she wasn't hearing my mom's calls at all.

I felt like I was frozen to my spot, standing back and watching the scene unfold before my eyes. My mom finally gave up on calling my best friend's name. I watched as she rushed over to Quinn grabbing her wrists and bringing her paper towel stuffed hands away from the mess. My mom gently took a step over the mess and forced Quinn to take a few steps backwards away from the shards of glass that littered the tile floor.

"I'm sorry," Quinn repeated again, unable to look my mother in the face. I watched silently as tears made their way down her face as she hung her head.

My mom released Quinn's wrists and grabbed the sopping paper towels from her hands and set them on the island countertop before turning back to face Quinn. "It's okay Quinn. It's fine. Take a deep breath," She spoke directly towards my best friend who was doing her best to avoid my mother's eyes. My mom added, "It's not like this is the first thing that you've broken in this house." She laughed gently trying to ease the tension in the room.

It was true, between me and Quinn we have both broken our fair share of plates, vases, frames, glasses...the list goes on and on. My brows furrowed. My best friend had never acted this way in the past after accidentally breaking anything. Sure she said sorry, sure she might have cried on a few occasions but this? This was different. It was almost like she was scared.

Quinn's voice broke off my thought process. "It's different now." Her voice was shallow and timid.

My mom creased her eyebrows as I did mine. "How is it different?" My mom asked.

Quinn finally raised her chin to look my mother in the eyes. She began shaking her head as loose tears streamed down her face. "I don't want to ever make you mad." Her voice hiccupped and cracked as she spoke. It broke my heart.

I looked at my mom whose face covered in shock for a split second before she had a chance to recover. She was shocked at the reason Quinn was acting so strange after the accidental glass breaking. Concern quickly replaced the shock as my mother took a step closer to my best friend and gently laid a hand on her shoulder. She sighed. "Quinn, honey. I am by no means a perfect person. There will be times that I will get angry, ask the girls." My mom broke focus with Quinn to look over at me for a split second. I was still glued standing to my spot as I looked between my mother and my person, unable to answer or even nod my head for my mother. I watched as my mom looked back at Quinn and continued, "but me getting angry on occasion does not mean that I won't love you any less. I'm not going to lie to you. There will be times when I might get angry, here and there. I'm human. However, I will NEVER take it out on you the way your father has in the past."

Quinn instantly dropped her chin at the mention of her father. I tried to swallow the lump that was now in my throat as I felt my own tears stinging at my eyes. I have seen my best friend's vulnerable side on occasion, but she had never been this open with my mom. The sight was killing me. Quinn was looking down at her hands to avoid my mom's gaze. She didn't respond.

My mom grabbed Quinn's hands softly in her own and smiled at her, "you know this first hand." I watched my mom try to bend down and catch Quinn's eyes only to have Quinn avoid them again. My mom stood up straight again as she squeezed Quinn's hands reassuringly, the smile never leaving her mouth. "Remember when you and Santana wandered off at the zoo that one time?"

I darted my eyes back and forth between my mom and Quinn. If Quinn didn't look so broken standing on the other side of my kitchen right now then a smile would fill my face just as it has done my mom's. I remember that time clearly, and I know that Quinn does as well. We were both nine years old, Rachel was barely one and the three of us were brought to the zoo by my mom and Ruth. Quinn and I came up with this genius idea that it would be fun to play hide and seek with the older women. Even after listening to lecture after lecture from my mom about the importance of staying within her eyesight at all times, we decided that it would be more fun to do things our way. Quinn and I figured we wouldn't tell the adults to start counting because it would give us an even longer time to hide. When the two women and the baby were busy looking at the elephants, we had wandered off on our own, skipping and laughing about our successful breakaway. Thirty minutes, countless loud speaker announcements saying our first names, and one quick security guard later, we were reunited with my mom and godmother who were both less than thrilled by our little stunt.

Quinn's quiet whisper of an answer brought my focus back to her. "Yes."

My mom shrugged her shoulders as I watched her squeeze Quinn's hand again. "Well I was angry then. I'm sure you remember. I was shaking I was so angry at the two of you, Ruth had to hold the baby because I was too emotional to hold Rachel myself."

Quinn hung her head again as she whispered, "I'm sorry."

My mom sighed audibly. "Quinn," she began. "Do you remember what the punishment was for wandering off like that?"

I watched my best friend nod slowly careful not to raise her head again. Her voice was just above a whisper, I almost had to take a step closer to hear. "We had to wear those kid leashes."

I watched my mom smile at the memory. "Right." She nodded her head as she looked over at me again. She gave me a reassuring smile which made me realize that I still had a frown on my face from taking in Quinn's reaction. She looked back at Quinn. "You girls were so mad at me. You yelled and cried about how 'only babies wore those leashes', but I gave you a choice." My mom bent down again to catch Quinn's eyes, this time succeeding. "I told the both of you that if you wanted to stay and go through the rest of the zoo that you would have to wear the leashes, if not, then we would go home." She smiled again. "And guess what? You two never left my side the rest of that trip thanks to those obnoxious things." I watched as my mom chuckled to herself, more than likely imagining what we looked like at nine years old with those funny things attached. She composed herself then continued again. "Then any other trip after that when we went out as a family the two of you stayed by Ruth or my side without the leash forcing you to because you had learned your lesson."

Quinn looked at the ground again. I took a step closer to the two of them, still remaining silent. I could still see the sadness on Quinn's face.

I looked over at my mother again and saw that she understood that Quinn wasn't fully grasping the point of this conversation. My mom sighed again being blunt this time. "My point is: you and Santana have both gotten into trouble plenty of times throughout the years. And you two are only 16 years old, so as much as I don't like it...I know there will be plenty of more instances where you both will try to push my boundaries." She placed a hand on her own chest. "I know because I was young once too. It is a teenager thing. I would absolutely LOVE," my mother looked over at me as she stressed the last word before looking back at Quinn, "if you two could keep it at a minimum for me, but the one thing I want you to remember is that no matter what- I will always love you."

I watched as Quinn slowly looked up to meet my mom's gaze. She turned her head to look at me briefly only to look back at my mother. Quinn opened her mouth a few times to speak but no words would come out. Finally she was able to put words to her thoughts. "I just...I don't want you to see what...what my dad saw." Quinn looked back and forth between my mother's eyes and only saw confusion, as did I. I felt my own eyebrows crease as well. What did she mean by that? Before I could ask Quinn clarified uneasily. "I just...since I'm going to be around more... I don't... I don't want you to be annoyed with me." Quinn quickly withdrew her hands from my mother's and waved them in the air. "But I understand it if you do get annoyed," she added quickly. "My dad couldn't stand a lot of things about me, and I've tried to change them...but one of the things he's always been annoyed with the most is how clumsy I tend to be. I mean I-"

Before my best friend could ramble on my mother put her hand out instantly stopping Quinn's rant. Quinn closed her mouth and looked up at my mother with big expectant eyes. My mom shook her head. "Quinn. Again, I might get angry with you if you break any rules. You might get grounded if you and Santana get into any mischief like you girls have done before in the past. You will have a few chores here and there, which I expect you to complete. I want you to continue to study hard and make good grades, and if you don't there will be consequences for that as well. But I will NEVER be annoyed by you or anything you do, Quinn. Especially when it is an accident."

Quinn dropped her head again. I took yet another step forward towards them both, only a few feet away now. Before I could move closer Quinn's voice sounded again. "Yea...but you don't know..." she trailed off.

My mother looked at me questioningly. I shrugged my shoulders, unsure about what my best friend meant by that statement. I furrowed my brows as I looked at Quinn. I saw out of the corner of my eye my mom turn her focus back towards the blonde as well. "Don't know what?" She asked.

"You don't know the real me," Quinn clarified quietly.

I felt myself deflate. My mom sighed, "Quinn, hunny...I think we all know the real you. You have been in our lives constantly since you girls were in second grade. When you are here I can tell that you are comfortable and happy, it's why I decided to do this. Over the years when you've needed help, you've come knocking on my front door. I've seen you at your best and I've seen you at your worst and all throughout the past 8 years I have loved every minute that has been spent with you."

I took a few more steps forward and grabbed my friend's hand giving it a tight squeeze. "We all have loved every minute spent with you Quinn. I'm not just saying that either. You know I speak the truth." I gave her a small smile which she returned for a split second. I could tell by the look on her face that she was battling herself with this. She knew that we loved her but in this moment she was questioning why. She didn't understand why we could love her so much if her own father told her time and time again that she wasn't worthy of it. I could see it just by the look in her eyes. "Quinn, I feel so lucky to have you in my life." I shook my head. "Without you I honestly...I don't know where I would be...I..." I felt the tears prick my eyes again as I trailed off. I decided to not go any further because the thought of life without my person was too painful to even imagine. Putting it into words was impossible. Instead I gave her hand another squeeze and smiled kindly at her forcing the tears back into my skull.

"We all love you and are here for you Quinn. Ruth and Rachel included. Don't question it, just embrace it, okay?" My mom smiled at the two of us. She gave a big sigh as she looked behind her at the mess that covered the ground. She turned to face Quinn again with a playful smile on her face. "Now next time I tell you to hold on, I want you to listen to me okay?"

My best friend hung her head again as guilt instantly covered her face again. "Yes mam'," she mumbled into her own chest.

I watched as my mom reached over and lifted Quinn's chin gently. She looked her directly in the eyes, "I'm not mad, Quinn." She gave a small smile before looking back at the broken glass on the floor. "I've hated that pitcher for years now. It's too heavy." She looked back at my best friend. "I just don't want you to get hurt. If you can't reach something, just ask for help next time okay?"

Quinn picked up her head and gave my hand a squeeze back. I heard her sniffle in some more of her unshed tears as she gave my mom the smallest smile I have ever seen. At least it was a smile. She nodded her head at my mom, "okay."

My mom nodded her head as the smile spread across her face. I felt the tension of the room instantly lift. My mom nodded her head in the direction of the hallway. "Okay, now go put some shoes on so you can help me clean this up, I don't want you to get glass in your feet."

"Okay," Quinn stated simply as she retreated from the room.

My mother looked at me. "Thanks San."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "For what?"

"I'm glad you girls are always there for each other." She clarified.

I shrugged my shoulders. "She's my person." I said it like it was the most logical and obvious thing in the world. Because it was.

* * *

Thursday morning came without any fuss. Getting the kids in bed hadn't been a problem as they all were more than ready to be consumed by sleep. Shelby had already showered and dressed for the day. She dialed the familiar phone number as she lay back down on her freshly made bed, holding the phone close to her ear as it rang.

Finally her friend picked up. "Hey Shel," Ruth's voice sounded through the phone. The sound of beeping computers and rustling papers could be heard over the connection.

Shelby scrunched her face as she looked over at the clock next to her bed. It was 5:30 a.m. She had expected her friend to be making coffee at her home not already at the office. They were doctors. They were basically programmed to wake up at the 'butt crack of dawn' as Ruth called it; however Ruth had said nothing about getting to the office this early this morning. "Are you at work already?"

Ruth nodded her head as she pressed the phone between her ear and her shoulder, reaching for another set of papers on her desk. "Yea. I've been here for a few hours already."

"A few hours? Ruth it is only 5:30a.m." Shelby stated bluntly.

Ruth sighed as she paused looking at the pile of papers and grasped the phone in her hands looking at the time on the computer screen. "I know. I wanted to get out early, maybe around noon so I could stop by your place and hang out for the day...but what's up?"

It was now Shelby's turn to sigh. She cut right to the chase. "Have you seen the TV?"

Ruth frowned at the random question. "No. I haven't really had the chance...work has been crazy the past couple of days."

Shelby bit her lip at her friend's answer. "Sorry," she replied simply. She felt so awful about how little she had been working the past two weeks, leaving her friend to deal with the entire practice on her own.

"Don't apologize," Ruth said quickly as she readjusted the phone back to her shoulder so her hands could be free to sort through the piles of papers that were currently stacked in her lap. "I'm a beast. I got this. Anyway what about the TV?"

Shelby paused for a minute as she tried to figure out the best way to break the news to her friend. She couldn't come up with any way to ease her into it. Rip off the bandage, she reminded herself. "Santana is all over it."

Ruth dropped the piece of paper she was holding. "What? How?"

Shelby let out a breath. "Well...not really her...it isn't like it's actually her it is just...it's her."

Ruth grabbed the phone in her hand again as she sat up taller at her desk, not caring about the papers that were sliding off of her lap to the floor. She shook her head. "Shelby you aren't making any sense." Worry was starting to build in her voice.

"Sorry." Shelby quickly apologized as she recognized her best friend's worried tone. She took a deep breath to recoup her thoughts. "Yesterday, when the kids and I were eating lunch, we had the TV on..."

Ruth leaned forward onto her desk, growing impatient. "Yea?" She urged.

Shelby continued, "a news broadcast interrupted the programing. The media got ahold of Santana's case somehow. They've been airing a breaking news update about what happened to her."

Ruth felt the anger flare in her chest. "Those bastards."

Before her friend could go on Shelby cut her off. "It's not all bad, I suppose. In it they ask for people to keep their eyes out for him...they describe him and now they leave a number for a hotline to call if anyone has any information."

Ruth felt herself deflate in her chair slightly. She leaned back against the back of it and looked at the papers that fell to the ground. She understood the importance of getting the public involved... but it sure made things harder for the family. Especially if... her thoughts became words, "Santana saw it?"

Shelby sighed. "Yea...all the girls did. It... it wasn't good."

Ruth shook her head. "I can only imagine."

Shelby went on. "Since then I've kept the TV off but...I've seen it two more times on the TV in my room just in passing and then again just now. It seems that they are airing it more and more. My morning ritual of watching the news has been completely ruined."

Ruth shook her head. She hated reporters. They always told these insane news reports sans any human emotion. It was always something that had bugged her. She couldn't bring herself to imagine Santana's story being broadcasted by those robots. It wasn't something she was interested in hearing. "I don't know if I want to even turn on my TV then."

Shelby gripped her phone tighter as she turned her head in the direction of her TV. It was off. She was staring at the black screen but she could almost picture the news report flash across the screen. "Yea...it's...strange to watch. It doesn't say her name, or show her picture or anything...thank god."

Ruth nodded in agreement, "thank god."

Shelby continued. "But we know...we know it is about her."

Ruth let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Shel." There wasn't much else she could say that would comfort her friend in this moment. She knew that Shelby had called to talk it out, and that is exactly what she was going to let her do.

Shelby turned her head away from the TV as she looked up at her white ceiling again. "I just... I can't figure out what is in her head. She doesn't really talk to me. God forbid I try to look at or ask about her stomach wounds." She shook her head. "Every time I try...she just... chooses to take a nap...or go shower. I mean...I do understand; I just...wish that she would let me in. She had a...flashback yesterday. It terrified Rachel and stunned Quinn."

Ruth knew flashbacks were to be expected following such a large trauma. But this was the first time she had heard Shelby mention anything about them. "A flashback? What happened?"

Shelby felt her eyes glaze over as she remembered the events that happened in her kitchen the other morning. She quickly wiped at the tears that managed to fall down her cheeks. "The doorbell rang. It was just one of the officers who are watching the house...he wanted to introduce himself, which was very kind...but the doorbell set Santana off. Her face just seemed to glaze over and then suddenly she was yelling and crying. I tried to snap her out of it by pulling her into a hug but...it took her awhile for her to register that it was my arms that were holding her..." She trailed off as her voice cracked.

Ruth shook her head. "Oh gosh, Shelby." She had to wipe at her own tears after hearing her friend's usually strong voice so broken.

Shelby continued. "It's just all a big mess." She ran her fingers through her hair as she gave a loud sigh and sucked the few tears back into herself. "Then the other night talking to Rachel... do you know how hard it was for me not to start crying right then and there in her room when she said that she wanted to be raped too? I mean..." She shook her head at herself. That awful word was becoming easier and easier to say. She hated that. "What am I supposed to do?"

Ruth grabbed the phone tightly. She didn't want her friend to start second guessing herself again. "You explained to her that she can't wish that upon herself. It's all you can do Shelby."

The older brunette sighed again as she laid on her bed. "Well, it doesn't feel good enough." Silence settled between them. Shelby could hear Ruth start to move papers again, assuming only that she was attempting to sort her clutter filled desk. Shelby chose to change the subject. "I'm keeping them home again from school."

Ruth paused. "Yea?"

Shelby nodded into her phone. "It feels like the right thing to do. It's already Thursday... they've had a rough week; I'm going to just keep them home the rest of the week. They can start fresh on Monday."

Ruth chewed her lip understanding Shelby's actions. "That sounds like a good plan. All of you have had a rough week..."

Shelby agreed and took a deep breath before going on to discuss Quinn to her best friend and the mishap that happened over the broken glass the previous night. She explained that Judy was scheduled to stop by around noon to deliver more of Quinn's things as well, so then they discussed that and all it meant. Ruth was her rock. She always had been and then when her husband died, Ruth had become even more than that. She became her rock and her glue. She kept her strong while helping to hold her together day after day, year after year. Shelby continued to talk to her best friend on the phone until the sun had brightened her room.

* * *

Since waking up this morning, Quinn had been reluctant to spend time outside of her room. She didn't feel up to interacting with Mama Lopez. Her brain felt like it was splattered everywhere. Quinn had only seen Santana during breakfast where they both consumed their cereal in silence. Both of them too exhausted emotionally to even try to come up with conversation; both of them knowing that they didn't need to. Since then Santana had spent most of the morning and afternoon holed up in her own room so Quinn had followed suit. Ruth showed up to the house around noon bringing a book for Rachel to occupy her mind with. Rachel had been more than happy to start reading the chapter book immediately. The young brunette had disappeared to Shelby's room so she could be engulfed in silence. Since Ruth's arrival, the older woman had been hanging out downstairs with Shelby, causing Quinn to want to hide even more so than she already did. Quinn hadn't had a real conversation with the woman since she had inspected her scars and welts and wasn't interested in doing so just yet. She didn't have the strength in her to even try. It was easier just to avoid everyone and close herself off in her room. When the adults came to check on her she claimed that she was just organizing her things when in reality she had spent the entire morning and afternoon sitting silently on her bed having an internal battle with herself, trying to get used to the idea that this was now her life. A knock downstairs at the front door had interrupted her thoughts without warning.

Now, Quinn was quietly closing the office door. She looked through the glass and up the stairs to see her best friend paused at the top looking down at her, with two new suitcases in her hands. Quinn nodded her head gently, silently telling her person that she was okay and didn't need anything. The blonde paused with her hands resting on the doorknob of the office door as she watched Santana slowly turn away from her and disappear to her room. Once she was out of sight, Quinn took a deep breath and put on her mask. She felt the smile spread across her face and forced her eyebrows to rise up slightly before turning around to face her mother. She had stopped by for a quick conversation and to bring her more of her things. She didn't want her mother to worry about her; putting on a smile, fake or not, was the easier option.

Judy was standing in the quiet office ringing out her hands nervously as she watched her daughter turn around to face her. Her beautiful girl had a smile on her face. That smile made her instantly feel a tad bit more relaxed. That smile meant that she had made the right decision by letting Shelby take Quinn into her home. The older blonde looked at her daughter and smiled back. She knew it had only been two days but her daughter looked good. She seemed happy and that was what was important.

"I um..." Judy looked at Quinn with her smile fading. "I can't stay long but I wanted to bring more of your things over." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Yea... thanks. I uh..." Quinn awkwardly looked over her shoulders back in the direction her suitcases had been taken before turning to her mother again. "I appreciate it."

Judy took one step closer towards her daughter and smiled at her quietly. She was incredibly proud of her youngest. She had no idea how she turned out to be such an amazing beautiful smart young woman. It made Judy feel guilty rather than proud of herself. She knew that she had a limited hand in that. Her daughter's eloquence was learned elsewhere. The older blonde nodded her head at Quinn.

"I was thinking that we should try to make it a point to have dinner together at least once a week?" She licked her lips nervously. "Maybe one night a week we can go to your favorite cafe and have dinner? That way...I can still see you." Judy raised her eyebrows waiting for her daughter's response.

Quinn felt her smile want to falter at her mom's suggestion. She hadn't really thought all of this through. She wanted to kick herself for not thinking of this. Of course she wouldn't see her mom everyday anymore. How could she? Her mom worked and was always busy tidying the house and cooking for her father. Now that she wasn't allowed over there... seeing her own mother was going to have to be a scheduled event. She felt a pang at her heart. Sure her mother had sat by quietly year after year as Russell tore her apart with his evil words and punished her with his thick belt... but that was her father's fault and his fault alone. Quinn hadn't ever blamed her mother for remaining silent because she, herself, had remained silent for the same reason. There was little you could say to stop Russell. And if you tried? It usually made things worse.

Judy continued nervously in the absence of her daughter's response. "I want you to still call me and keep me updated with your life too. But call my cellphone of course..." She shook her head quickly. "Not the house phone. Don't call the house phone. Okay?"

"Okay," Quinn said quietly. All the things she had taken for granted were suddenly gone now. Seeing her mother every night before bed. Calling her house phone if she needed to get ahold of her mother. She shook her head. She might as well delete her house phone number from her cellphone. Her brows furrowed and suddenly her mouth opened with a new strength behind it. "Will I still have my cell phone? Or will I have to get my own plan now?"

The question took Judy off guard. Quinn could tell that her mother hadn't really given thought to that. This was all new to her too. The older woman thought for a brief moment before responding. "I'll be able to keep you on the plan. I pay those bills, so..." she trailed off before waving her hand at her daughter, "it'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"Okay." Her voice came out sounding weaker than Quinn would have liked. She slowly nodded as she felt her head slowly drop and her shoulders sag. This was all so tiring. How did everything get to this point?

Judy interrupted her thoughts before she could go any further. "I've spoken to your father... Alexa and I will be dropping your car off within the next few days as well."

Quinn's eyebrows rose. "I'm allowed to keep my car?"

Judy nodded her head. "You finished making the car payments for it already. We don't need it at our house, so we wanted you to have it."

Quinn read her mother's face. She could tell that that wasn't the real reason her father had been generous enough to let her keep the car. There was something else. It was all over her mother's face but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Her mother had done this, year after year. She always tried to shield her from the blows her father issued towards her when it was just her mother and father having a conversation. Quinn had lost track of how many times she had been perched on the top of the stairs as she listened to her father vent horrible things about herself to her mother. Once the complaining ended Quinn always rushed to her room and pretended that she never had heard a word, only to have Judy come check on her moments later. When Judy would enter she would lie and change her father's evil words into words that were less hurtful. Quinn understood why her mother did it, but she didn't understand how the older woman didn't know that Quinn could tell she was lying.

As Quinn looked at her mother's face she could tell she was lying again. Her father didn't want her to have the car because she had finished paying it off. That would be too generous of a move for him to do. He always made it clear to Quinn that he felt she deserved nothing. She looked at her mother's face again. It dawned on her. Her father hadn't put up a fight about keeping the car from Quinn because then it ensured that she wouldn't have to be dependent on them in any way. If she had access to a car then the Fabray's wouldn't need to worry about how she got to school or work or cheer. Her body deflated. Her dad wanted her to have a car so that she would never come to their house for anything ever again. That was it.

Judy watched as her daughter's face slowly covered in sadness. She cleared her throat, "does the weekly dinner thing sound nice to you?" She brought the conversation back away from the grim topic they had just been on.

Quinn heard her mother's voice reach her ears and it reminded her that she was still in the presence of her mother. She quickly picked up her shoulders and lifted her head as she forced another smile to grace her face. "Yea... sure." She smiled at her mother to let her know that she genuinely would appreciate having a weekly dinner with her, to make her mother happy. "That would be nice, mom."

Judy released a nervous breath from her lungs, pleased that her daughter wasn't upset with her. She smiled at Quinn. "Okay good. I love you Quinn. So much..." Her happiness seemed to vanish from her as she looked at her daughter's smiling face. Her daughter should be upset with her. She had done nothing to stop this and even now she wasn't strong enough to turn things around. She felt her eyes start to water. "I am...so sorry." Her voice cracks with the last statement as a lone tear finds its way down her cheek.

Quinn instantly noticed the tears and her mother's cracked voice. It broke her heart. Her mother was such a kind hearted woman, seeing her cry always made Quinn feel awful. The young girl took a step forward and grabbed her mother's hands in her own and pulled her into a hug to comfort her. With her head on the older woman's shoulder she felt her mom release a sob. Quinn breathed into her ear, "don't cry mom, it'll be okay. I love you. It'll be fine." She rubbed gentle circles into her mother's back as she gave a final squeeze and slowly pulled away from the embrace.

Just as quickly as she began to crumble, Judy found a way to pack it all in. She wiped her tears and smiled down at her beautiful daughter. "I am so proud of you."

Quinn took another step back from her mother, "yea..." It was the only response she could come up with. Quinn didn't know why her mother always told her how proud of her she was. There wasn't anything to be proud of. Quinn had a secret life that Judy knew nothing about. Something that Mama Lopez knew more about than she did. Quinn had gone to countless parties without her parent's knowledge. She had slept with...way too many guys to say. She enjoyed getting drunk and has even had a few cigarettes grace her lips on a few occasions. She was sixteen years old. She used to feel so old and mature but now... since everything that has happened with Santana and now with her own father, she can't help but feel that sixteen is anything but mature. She was a wild teenager, and she had acted like it on many many occasions. There wasn't anything to be proud of.

Judy sighed interrupting her internal rant. Quinn looked up at her mother again. "Well, I should get going... I have a lot of straightening up to do before your father gets off work." Judy said uneasily.

Quinn nodded her head. "Yea. Okay." She looked at her mother only to notice that the older woman was looking at her longingly. Quinn shook her head as she forced a big smile on her face. "I'll be fine mom. You should go. I love you."

The two blondes walked from the office towards the front, pausing as they reached the wooden door. Shelby walked from the kitchen and paused at the end of the hallway watching the mother and daughter carefully. Shelby nodded her head politely at Judy when the older blonde smiled kindly at her. Shelby watched as Judy turned towards Quinn. She was just within earshot of the two blondes but was far enough away to give them their own space.

Judy sighed as she looked at her daughter again. "There is one more thing...your father… wanted me to get the house key from you..." Judy trailed off nervously and awkwardly, bowing her head at the same time to avoid Quinn's gaze as well as Shelby's. She was disappointed in herself for even bringing up the topic but knew it would have to be done sooner or later as it was one of Russell's demands.

Quinn felt her face falter and quickly looked down the hallway at Mama Lopez who wore a look of sadness on her own face. Quinn quickly avoided the woman's eyes and looked back at her mother before responding. "Oh...okay..." She couldn't make her voice even nor could she manage to bring her smile back to her face so she turned quickly from her mother and grabbed her set of keys from the key dish and started fidgeting with them to release the key her mother had requested.

Judy watched with sad eyes as her daughter instantly deflated before her eyes as she worked her key off the metal ring. "I'm so sorry Quinnie..."

Quinn's voice was low, she couldn't help it. "No...it's...it's fine. I...I don't need it anymore..." She continued to mess with the key ring. Why were these damn things so hard to do?

"Oh honey I'm sorry-" Judy started but was quickly cut off.

Quinn waved her hand as she freed the key from its ring. "It's fine." She stated quickly as she met her mother's eyes. She forced a smile onto her face, but recognized that it was unbelievable this time as her mother's face etched further in sadness and worry. Quinn shook her head quickly breaking eye contact as she reached out and handed her mother the key. "It's fine, here," she repeated. She brought her mother in for a swift hug. "I love you," Quinn says quietly. She felt the tears threatening to sting her eyes. This was all just too much. She looked down the hallway at Shelby who still wore a sad look on her own face. Shelby tried to make eye contact with the young blonde but Quinn wouldn't have it. She pulled away from the hug quickly and turned to face the stairs. "I need to go unpack... so I'll call you later." She said over her shoulder before walking up a few steps. Quinn paused on the steps. "Drive safely," she wished to her mother without facing her. Once the words left her lips she began her journey up the stairs quickly. She had to get away from all of this for a minute. She had to put herself back together again, and she couldn't do that with people looking at her.

Judy nodded her head quietly as she watched her daughter rush up the stairs. She felt tears run down her face. "I love you too," the older woman called out to the younger blonde who was now vanished from sight to the second story. Judy felt herself sigh heavily. She turned to face Shelby who remained at the end of the hallway still. She nodded her head to the older brunette one more time. "Thank you. Good day."

Shelby nodded her head in response unable to find any words of her own. She watched Judy Fabray grasp the key Quinn had just handed over tightly in her hands before grabbing her purse from the side table and letting herself out of the front door silently. Shelby chewed on her lip as she gazed over to the stairs hesitantly. She could tell that Quinn needed space and right now in this moment, Shelby didn't know what she would be able to say to the young blonde to make any of this better. This situation was complicated and it was hard. Should she really leave her alone right now though? Maybe the best thing to do right now would be to follow the blonde up the stairs and sit with her in her room? She should let Quinn know that she isn't alone. Shouldn't she? Or would that be infringing on her privacy?

Suddenly Shelby felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to face it.

"Come on; let's go back into the kitchen. Give her a few minutes to herself?" Ruth smiled solemnly at her best friend.

"Are you sure? Should I-" Shelby started quietly.

Ruth shook her head. "No. You should give her some time alone to process everything. Leave her be for now." She smiled at Shelby as she gently turned her towards the kitchen. "Come on, not only is your smoothie watered down, now it is getting warm. I went out of my way to go to that place because I know it is your favorite... so don't waste it." She winked at her friend to try to ease the tension they all felt as they disappeared around the corner back into the kitchen.

* * *

"Come on. Come with me." I suddenly grabbed my friend's hand and pulled her to her feet from where we were both previously sitting on her bed. I forced her to follow me from her room and towards the staircase. I had been waiting in her room for her when her mom left and was greeted shortly after by my crying best friend. She had quickly wiped her face and resorted to sitting on her bed emotionless without speaking a single word. Sitting in silence on her bed for twenty minutes was enough time for me to realize that she needed to get out and get some air.

"Where are we going?" She asked me. I didn't answer. When I started pulling her down the stairs she tried to yank her hand free from mine. I wouldn't let go as we made our way down the steps. "San, I just want to be in my room. I just want space." She continued to try to get her hand from my grasp, but still I wouldn't have it.

I pulled us into the kitchen where I knew my mom and Ruth were hanging out. Why did they always hang out in the kitchen? I forced the random thought from my head as I pulled Quinn up to the table opposite my mom and Ruth. We both came to a halt. My mom raised her eyebrows waiting for me to speak as she looked between me and Quinn. Quinn's head instantly bowed in order to avoid the adult's eyes.

I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by Ruth. "How is your stomach feeling Santana?"

My eyebrows furrow at the blunt question. I noticed my mom look sharply at her friend before looking back at me. Quinn's head remained bowed. This time I grasped her hand more firmly for my benefit. I figured that Ruth probably knew about my stomach. Ruth is my mom's person. They share everything together. I expected it, but expecting it and hearing it firsthand isn't quite the same. I felt my breath freeze in my chest. I looked over at my best friend and was reminded why I came down here in the first place. I found the strength in me to look back at my godmother. "It's fine." I recovered and dismissed the subject as quickly as possible.

Before I could change the subject my god mother spoke again. "Santana," she scolded for my quick dismissal. "Talk to us, please."

I scrunched my face further, not breaking eye contact from Ruth. "It's fine." I said again my tone wavering slightly. "I..." I trailed off, losing my momentum.

Ruth raised her eyebrows at me.

I knew what this meant. I sighed as I looked down at the table rather than her eyes. "It feels a lot better since... since the doctor helped after...after Monday." I looked back up at my mom whose face I couldn't read and then back at my godmother. Her eyebrows were still raised as if she was making sure that I wasn't lying again. My mom must have told her about the infection. That would be the only reason she would be looking at me like that. I felt my shoulders sag. I had lied to my mom. My stomach hadn't gotten better after the first...after that Tuesday night at Puck's, but now I wasn't lying. It did feel a lot better. "I promise." I state simply as I look into Ruth's eyes.

Ruth nodded her head in reply, her face relaxing. My mother turned to look at her friend. "Thank you." My mother's words were meant to come out more quietly than they had; however, instead of acknowledging the fact that she knew I heard her thanking her friend for getting a shred of information out of me, she changed the topic. "Why were you two running down here? Is everything okay?" She looked over at Quinn who was pretending that the tiled floor was the most interesting thing in the world at the moment.

It took me a moment to recover again. I felt guilt instantly fill my chest. My mom had been trying so hard to have a conversation with me, and every time I would shut her down and refuse to talk. It wasn't something I was doing to be rude. It wasn't intentional. It was simply the fact that I couldn't. I didn't want to talk about it. Clearly my mom has been having a hard time with my lack of communication. Her thanking Ruth proved that. I looked as my mom looked at Quinn again who still remained silent next to me, her hand in mine. I shook my head.

"I was just...I thought that maybe Quinn and I could take Rachel to the park? Just the three of us? It is a pretty day...and I think...I know that Rachel would appreciate it." My sister had been trying so desperately to spend time with me. While the park adventure wasn't completely thought out in my head, I figured at least it was something. Quinn needed a distraction and needed air. I needed a distraction and I know for a fact that my little sister could use a little bit of fun in her life right now. All she keeps dwelling over is my attack and...I can't have that. The park was the place we would always go to get space. It wasn't too far and it was nice.

Quinn shot her head up at the suggestion. "I don't want-"

My mom cut her off before she could even finish her refusal. "Absolutely not." She shook her head strongly.

I felt like my jaw dropped. "But Ma-"

My mom stood quickly from her chair. "No. Santana...I won't let you girls go to the park alone." She shook her head. "I can go with you if you'd like? But you aren't going alone."

It was my turn to shake my head now. I coward back a little from my mother's intense body language. "We'd rather it just be us..." I trailed off as I looked at Ruth for help. I couldn't tell if she was on board or not. She seemed to still be contemplating the idea. Which was better than my mom's instant 'no'.

My mom's voice brought my eyes back to hers, "That is out of the question Santana. You need an adult with you... especially..." She took a deep breath and tried to stand taller. "I cannot let you out of this house alone."

I knew what my mom was referring to instantly. I was honestly surprised that I hadn't thought of the same thing that I knew she was thinking of right now. He is out there. He is on the loose and he is angry with me for getting the cops involved. I shook my head. I needed this. Quinn and Rachel needed this. "It's light outside. It's barely the afternoon. He won't be...He won't..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

My mom sighed. Her body language softened with the release of air. "Santana..."

I looked out of the kitchen window to avoid my mother's eyes. My eyes landed on one of the police cruisers that were stationed out front of our house. An idea filled my brain, thankfully, distracting me from thinking about him anymore. I focus my attention back on my mother with purpose. "We can have one of those cops watch us while we are there?"

My mom shook her head immediately making me deflate. "San, that isn't there job.-"

Before my mom could go on Ruth stood up next to her cutting her off. She looked at my mother strongly. "No Shelby, their job is to protect and watch over this family so Santana is right. We can at least ask. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. It would only be for a little bit, to get them all some fresh air."

Ruth looked over at me with raised eyebrows. I nodded my head in agreement. I wasn't planning on this being an all-day event. I was too tired for that. The trip to the park would only be for a short time… but I do think that it would be good for Rachel and for Quinn….and even maybe for me. I had to get used to being outside of the house sooner or later. Why not start with a short cop escorted trip in the middle of the day to the park that was right around the corner? I looked at my mother again, nervous for her answer. When I looked at her I noticed her eyes were trained on Quinn. I looked next to me to see my best friend still studying the tile quietly, her shoulders hunched over.

My mom finally looked at me again. "Okay." She nodded her head. "Alright, only for an hour," she agreed.

With that I watched as Ruth nodded her head quickly and headed out of the side door to go ask the police officers about the plan. I met my mother's eyes again and could see the worry and pain that she was trying so very hard to cover up. I gave her a small smile. "Thanks Ma," I said quietly.

She nodded her head. "Stay together please," She responded.

I nodded my head in return and squeezed Quinn's hand lightly bringing her out of her daze. "Let's go get boo," I said to my best friend as I led us quietly from the kitchen towards my mother's room to fetch my little sister. Quinn didn't fight anymore, she simply followed along silently.

* * *

I leaned back against the bench. Quinn hadn't said a word since we arrived. I looked over her shoulder and saw that the cop was leaning on a tree a yard or two away. I took a deep breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked quietly, careful not to push her too much.

"What do you think?" she scoffed.

"Fine," I muttered. "Thanks for agreeing to the park," I said quietly as I watched Rachel climb on to the jungle gym. "I think she thought we were going to play with her, but...at least she gets to play with other kids …"

I trailed off. I didn't want to think about the fact that my sister kept looking over at us, wondering if we were going to be joining her anytime soon like we usually did. I didn't want to think about how all I could motivate myself to do was sit on the bench and watch her play.

"Rachel seems okay," Quinn finally said.

I looked at her with a frown then changed my focus back towards Rachel. My little sister was now waiting patiently in line for the monkey bars, her favorite part of the park. In front of her stood a tall chubby preteen boy picking on another small boy who looked around Rachel's age. I rolled my eyes. Boys are so stupid. At any age. I looked at Rachel's face again. I could see that she was getting frustrated waiting in line but other than that seemed fine. I focused on Quinn again. "Of course, she is. She just... She wants me to be there for her like I used to be and I... I can't..."

Quinn turned and looked at me. "She understands that. To some degree. I know she does."

I frowned as I watch Rachel continue to wait for her turn on the monkey bars. She was now looking between the large oaf and the other small boy with an angry look on her face. Seeing her around other kids, I'm reminded of how small she actually is. I look at the chubby preteen again just as he shoves the little boy off of the monkey bars. I raise my eyebrows as I watch the tubby kid laugh it off and climb up onto the bars himself. I look down at the younger boy and watch him quickly scramble up onto his feet and walk away without a fight. I feel badly for the boy, but as I watch him retreat from the park I notice that he is walking completely normal. He wasn't hurt. Good for him for not starting a fight. If that was me when I was younger I would've shoved tubby's face into the dirt.

"I just think we don't give her enough credit sometimes," Quinn went on. I look at her again. Had she been talking this whole time?

I wasn't completely concentrating on Quinn's words. I couldn't because something on the monkey bars caught my eye instead. Rachel was now perched on top of the ladder as she looked up at the fat kid who was now laid across the top of the bars. Her angry face began to grow more and more; she was talking and she was pissed. I leaned forward on the bench I was sitting on in attempt to hear the words that were coming out of her mouth. My brows furrowed.

Quinn followed my gaze. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

The beanstalk asshole just looked at her like she was a fly on his shoulder and reached down hitting her in the arm. I shot up from my seat. I watched in anguish as Rachel barely recovered from the shove as she steadied herself on the ladder managing not to fall off. My eyes widened in horror as I watched Rachel move her hand to take a swing at the kid but missed. The fat bully laughed at her weak attempt. I took a step forward as I noticed Quinn shoot up to a standing position next to me. We both watched the events that quickly unfolded across from us. My heart leapt into my throat and paralyzed my body as everything went in slow motion. The fat kid pushed Rachel. Hard. His harsh shove sent her flying face first to the ground. She landed with a thud. The sounds of her cries instantly filled the air.

Fuck! I sprinted towards her; Quinn was quick on my tail.

We both rush over to Rachel who is now crying heavily into the dirt. I gently turn Rachel around so her face isn't shoved into the wood chips anymore, and bring her up to a sitting position. Her tears are already rushing down her face. Quinn slid to the ground behind Rachel and pulled her into her lap. My little sister leaned back onto Quinn for support as I examined her hands. Both of her hands are bleeding and dirty, covered in pieces of mulch. I felt tears sting at my eyes when I look at my little sister's face. Her face was already red from crying but also had a few scrapes along the side of it from her fall. I squeeze her wrists reassuringly. "Shh you are okay, boo," I murmur gently to her. Rachel continues to sob heavily as Quinn wraps her in a hug and begins rocking her side to side. My eyes drift down to Rachel's knees. They are scuffed up and bleeding as well.

I feel anger fill my chest. My sister is on the floor sobbing because of that jerk. I quickly shoot up into a standing position and turn on my heel to face the stupid oaf who did this to my sister. Once my eyes landed on him I stormed over to the monkey bars, ignoring Quinn's calls completely.

"Hey you little shit!" I scream up at the fat lanky preteen who was still perched on top of the monkey bars.

"Are you talking to me?" the tubby boy asked back with attitude.

"Why don't you get your ass down here and find out!" I screamed at him shaking my fist. I could hear my best friend calling my name again but I was so caught up in the moment that I chose to ignore it. The kid continued to sit on top of the monkey bars, he didn't move an inch. I shook my head angrily and started towards him, prepared to climb the jungle gym myself. "Fine! If you won't come down here then I'll just have to push you off myself! Show you that you messed with the wrong girl!"

Before I could grab onto the metal bars I ran into a navy blue uniformed body. The momentum sent me stumbling back a little. I shook my head and looked as I got ready to go to my angry place and let loose on the person who got in front of me. I stopped instantly in my tracks. It was the cop who had escorted us.

"Santana, it's time for me to take you girls back to your mom's house." The officer said calmly.

I looked at his young face then looked past him at the chubby kid who was still sitting on top of those damn monkey bars. I darted my eyes back to the cop, "No. That isn't fair. No." I shook my head.

"Santana we are all going to go back to your house. Your sister needs you," He said calmly pointing back behind me.

The noise of Rachel's crying seemed to suddenly fill my ears. I looked over my shoulder quickly to see that my eight year old sister was still crying heavily into Quinn's side as my best friend rocked her back and forth to soothe her pain. My eyes fell on her skinned bleeding knees and it seemed to light the fire inside of me again. I turned back around and pointed at the ugly fat kid, "But he pushed her! He should be the one who leaves, not us!"

The cop didn't budge, "Everyone is leaving. Go on; get your sister and friend..." I stayed in place as the cop turned towards tubby mctubberson, "You need to head home as well kid. Right now. Let's go. Move move move." The young cop turned back towards me as the fat kid started climbing off the other end of the monkey bars without protest. I watched him quickly retreat from the park.

The cop picked up my crying sister without hesitation and ushered the three of us into the backseat of his cruiser driving directly to our house. He pulled into the driveway and let us out.

My mom and Ruth were sitting at the kitchen island talking when I opened the side door quickly. The sound of Rachel's cries instantly filled the room causing the two adults to turn around and face the three of us. Rachel clung to my side as Quinn stood next to me silently.

Both my mom and Ruth instantly stood up at the sight of us. My mom took a step towards us. "What happened? Are you okay?" Her worried face looked between me, Quinn and Rach.

I pointed to me and Quinn, "we are fine." I pointed down at Rachel who was crying into my shirt. "But some asshole bastard pushed Rachel!" I felt my voice rise making Rachel jump into my side.

"Santana! Language!" Ruth scolded as she too took a step forward towards us.

I shook my head angrily. "No! He pushed her off of the monkey bars!"

"Oh gosh..." my mom breathed. She looked me in the eyes before bending down to look at Rachel. "Why don't you and Quinn go upstairs and shower, change your clothes and-"

I instantly protested, "mom! No!"

My mom quickly shook her head, cutting me off. "Santana, I need you and Quinn to go shower please." With the last statement she gave me a look that dared me to protest again. I deflated, knowing that I shouldn't.

I watched as my mother reached her hand out to my sister. "Rach, honey? Come on, come with mama... I'm going to get your cleaned up in my bathroom okay?" I felt my sister hiccup with another sob as she removed herself from my side and limped over to our mom. My mom pulled her into a hug. She looked over Rachel's shoulders at me and Quinn who were still firmly planted to the spot we were previously in. "Go on Santana. You girl's need to get out of those clothes and shower, you are covered in mulch."

I looked over at my godmother in one last attempt to stay with my little sister, but my hopes were crushed as Ruth nodded her head for me to go as well. "Come on San," Quinn's voice broke through my thoughts. I felt her grab my hand and lead me away from my crying sister.

The last thing I hear before I am completely out of earshot is my mom comforting Rachel. "Come on boo, let's get you cleaned up so I can look at those booboos." I hung my head, so much for my great idea. I thought that getting some fresh air would be good for us...

Clearly, I thought wrong.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear your feedback, as always. **

**I do feel like I owe you all a fair warning. This story is well on its way of wrapping up. I have known where I wanted this to end from the beginning of writing this story. Don't worry; I do plan on addressing things and wrapping it up neatly. I don't want you all to freak out, but I do want you to know that there are only a few more chapters. Thanks for reading! Reviews are loved. **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello everyone! Don't hate me! I am SO VERY sorry for taking SO long to update. I did try to warn you with the last update that this one would be slow to come; however, I had no idea it would be this slow. Apologies! School and work have been kicking my butt. Thank you everyone for your reviews, as always they are so great to read. Alrighty, let's get to it! Here is the new chapter! **

**Chapter 19**

Shelby gently picked up Rachel and set her down on her bathroom countertop. She left the crying girl sitting there for a minute as she rummaged through the closet to find a washrag. She pulled a few from the closet and returned to Rachel, kissing her softly on the head as she turned on the sink to warm up the water. Rachel's crying had begun to finally subside as the water finally got warm.

Shelby bent down to look into Rachel's watery eyes. "What happened, boo?"

Rachel let out a hiccupped breath as she tried her best to answer through her tears. "I…I was just t-t-trying to help."

Shelby creased her brows. "Help?" She asked. "Help with what?"

Rachel looked her mother in the eyes. "The bully pushed a boy."

Shelby ran the rag underneath the running water before gently bringing it down to Rachel's left knee. The girl hissed in pain but quickly quieted as Shelby began cleaning the scrapes. Shelby shook her head, not understanding how her daughter had gotten hurt. "Did the boy knock you over when he was pushed?"

Rachel watched as her mother blotted the rag on her injured knee. She shook her head. "No…" she answered quietly as she trailed off.

"Rachel?"

"It made me mad." She stated simply as she winced again from the contact of the cloth to her skinned knee.

Shelby pulled the rag away from her daughter's knee and looked Rachel in the eyes. "What did, boo?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "The way he pushed the boy," she murmured quietly.

Shelby took in her daughter's facial expressions. They were screaming loud and clear what her words were not. Rachel was upset by the bullying because it reminded her of all that had happened. Rachel's face held the same distraught look that it had held as Shelby originally explained what had really happened to Santana. She was upset and angry and confused at the same time. Shelby released a long breath. "Rachel what happened?" Shelby could tell that there was more to the story of how she came to be bleeding and crying. The unmasked anger that covered her youngest daughter's face made her worry.

"I…I was waiting to play on the monkey bars….sissy and Quinn were just sitting on the bench so I was just gonna do the monkey bars." Rachel stated simply.

"Ok…" Shelby urged her daughter to continue as she blotted the rag on Rachel's other knee.

She watched as she daughter bit her lip and began to investigate the cuts on her hands. Shelby could tell there was so much going on in that girl's head even though she continued to sit silently.

"Well, this big bully was picking on this other boy and called him a wimp and said he was stupid and a baby and….." The eight year old talked in a hushed, rushed voice that normally would have had Shelby chuckling if the child didn't look so heartbroken. Rachel paused and looked at her. Shelby sighed. She knew that look, dread. She gave the girl a soft nod to continue. "And then he pushed the boy off so he could get on the monkey bars. He didn't even wanna go across them, Mama! He just wanted to sit on the top like a fat loser -"

"Rachel," she scolded. "We do not call people names."

The girl paused and thought for a moment trying to reconcile the loophoop in her head. "But he was mean," she said simply.

"We still don't call people names, even if their actions might deserve it. It isn't the right thing to do," she said looking at her with soft, stern eyes.

"Oh…" Rachel muttered as she retreated into herself. Visibly letting shame and regret hug her small frame.

Shelby reached out and rubbed her back. "Sorry, boo. Go on. What happened after he pushed the boy?" Shelby began to clean her daughter's skinned palms.

Rachel looked at her with her lips pushed together at the side of her mouth. "You aren't going to be happy…" she whispered, looking away from her mother again.

Shelby sighed softly. "That may be true, but I still want to know, Rachel." She eyed her daughter. "You know I should know."

Rachel finally conceded and changed her focus to watch as her mother cleaned her cut up hands. "When the little boy left the park after he was pushed, I felt really angry at the bully..." Her voice gained momentum and Shelby couldn't help but know that she wasn't going to like the end of this story. "He was being a bully. He can't just push people around like that. He shouldn't be allowed to hurt people and get what he wants. He just shouldn't!"

Rachel was almost panting. She had a fury in her brow that Shelby hadn't seen in her daughter since the small girl learned what an animal poacher was.

"Go on, sweetie," she said softly.

The young brunette was no longer nervous. In fact it was the opposite, Rachel was proud and stating her actions as if they were obvious and entitled. "Well, I climbed on the ladder and told the bully what I thought!" She looked at her mother strongly. "I told him he was a bully and….and I told him he was fat..."

The eight year old's words instantly trailed off as if she knew their danger.

"Rachel," Shelby said with a disappointed tone and a heavy sigh.

Rachel looked up at her with pleading eyes. "He laughed at me, Mama, and then he called me ugly. He made me mad first. I didn't mean for things to get bad. I just wanted him to know that he can't just push smaller people around." She shook her head. "But then he laughed at me so I swung my fist at him!"

Again, her words had sped up like a runaway train but instantly tampered in momentum. Shelby sighed again. As Rachel's head hung low in shame, she knew that the girl was aware of her poor choice and Shelby's disappointment that accompanied it. Still though, Shelby found herself shocked at the actions of her tender daughter. It wasn't a behavior that was typical of her youngest. It never was. Rachel stepped lightly on the sidewalk to miss ants. She looked down at her more surprised than disappointed, but she wasn't sure if her eight year old could read her face. Rachel's words echoed in her mind. Her daughter had hit someone.

"Rachel Barbara. You hit him?" She asked sharply.

Rachel hung her head and began to cry softly. "No….No, I missed." Shelby's brow furrowed as she couldn't tell if Rachel was disappointed in herself because she had tried to hit him or because she had missed. She released a sigh and continued, "After I missed, he pushed me really hard making me lose my grip and that's when I fell off." Rachel let out a little sob. "My knees and hands hurt."

Shelby frowned. "Your knees are skinned and you have quite a few scratches on the heels of your hands." She reached out and turned Rachel's head to the side, holding her chin and lightly wiping her face with the damp rag.

Rachel let out a sob at the contact. "Ow!"

"Sorry, baby," she muttered. "I need to clean your face; there are a few cuts here too."

She silently continued to clean the girl's face, attempting to gather her thoughts. Her ant cautious child swung at a bigger boy, a bully. Her child let the age and passions about the unjust cause fuel her to make a poor choice. She fought for that little boy thinking it was the right thing to do, but was blind to the weight and consequences of her actions. Shelby sighed as she watched Rachel wince under her touch. Rachel was still not fully aware of the ripple effect that her actions had. Shelby was reminded that the time Rachel went over to Quinn's, the tiny little girl didn't see the bigger picture but only saw a right that needed to be wrong. Her daughter's view of the world was categorized into good and evil, but all her efforts continued to blow up in her face, or in this case get her pushed off the jungle gym. Shelby paused once more and searched through her daughter's eyes. Her fire, passion and determination was so muddled and disoriented amidst the confusion and hurt in her chocolate brown eyes. It was so confusing for Rachel and as her mother Shelby couldn't help but feel responsible.

She placed the last Band Aid on her. "Rachel, you shouldn't resort to name calling and violence. I don't want you thinking you can keep doing this. It is not proper nor is it safe."

The girl looked up at her with a frown. "But I was just so mad. The little boy didn't have anyone sticking up for him. He was alone and the bully just hurt him and got away with it."

The mother knew what she needed to do. "Rachel, what is something else you should have done instead?" She needed to right this wrong.

"I don't know…" she shrugged.

"Yes, you do," she said with an arch of her brow. "What would have been the better thing to do?"

"Go get an adult…" she grumbled.

"The police officer was right there with you girls in the park. Why didn't you get him?" she asked simply.

The little girl frowned with indigence. "I wanted to do it by myself. I wanted to help the boy."

"If you got the police officer, you would have been helping, sweetie," she said pulling her close.

Rachel pulled away. "It didn't really help when I got the cop last time."

Shelby frowned and watched Rachel's body sag even more. "Why do you say that?"

Rachel looked at her with knitted brows. "San, still got hurt." Her words were so simple but they felt like a punch in the gut. "We had to go to the hospital for her. She was bleeding on her stomach and she was crying."

Shelby deflated and looked at her baby. "Rachel," she said softly. "You calling the police saved you AND your sister. Things could have been so so much worse if you weren't as brave and smart as you were. Understand?"

The little girl barely nodded but leaned into her mother. "I just wish I could have done more."

Shelby held her closer and tighter to her body, not wanting to let go. "I know baby…believe me I know."

* * *

Ruth looked at her friend as she walked back into the kitchen with a heavy heart. Shelby's face looked worn. She didn't have the usual pep in her step that she had grown to love the past couple decades. Her feet almost seemed to drag along the ground and her shoulders were hunched over carelessly. Ruth was glad that Santana and Quinn hadn't emerged from upstairs yet. It gave her a few minutes to talk to her friend, without filters. "You look tired," the words left Ruth's lips before she could think to stop them. It was simply an observation.

Shelby pulled herself onto the stool that sat directly across the island from where her friend was standing. She rested her head in her hands and gave a heavy sigh. "I feel exhausted."

"Have you been sleeping?" Ruth asked as she looked at her friend.

Shelby paused before answering. She finally raised her head out of her hands as she pushed loose hair out of her face. She looked at Ruth. "More or less..." Shelby shrugged. ""I wake up quite a few times."

"Nightmares?"

Shelby nodded her head softly and rested her chin on top of one of her fists. "Yea that and...I don't know..." she trailed off and shook her head. "It is like my body wakes itself up in order to go check on the girls multiple times throughout the night."

Ruth nodded her head. "I wish you weren't so stressed." She hated that Shelby felt like she had to go check on her kids throughout the night...let alone multiple times. She understood it. Ruth constantly thought about what was happening within the Lopez house multiple times throughout the day and night whenever she wasn't here herself. So she did understand it... but she hated that that was the way it was. All because of one low life, two if you include Russell, which she did.

"How can I not be?" Shelby asked as she picked up her head from her hand. "Everything with Quinn..." she shook her head as her eyes fluttered close and she trailed off. She didn't feel like going into that discussion again. It only broke her heart more and more each time she thought about it all. She opened her eyes and looked at her friend again, "Then San having her triggers and flashbacks..." she trailed off, unable to finish her thoughts again. Her brows suddenly furrowed as she looked at Ruth. "I honestly was shocked that she wanted to go to the park in the first place. I mean, just from how she reacted to going to school on Monday. I remember the panic that completely covered her face that morning before she headed out to McKinley. And that was before he came back again. You know?"

Ruth chewed her lip as she let her friend's words sink in. She hadn't thought of that. Santana sure didn't have fear on her face as she left for the park with Quinn and Rachel hours ago, her face had held another emotion; one Ruth wasn't able to place. Ruth shrugged her shoulders. "Well it is still early in the day. It was sunny and bright outside when they went and unlike school...the park rarely ever has anyone there. So she knew she wouldn't feel suffocated."

Shelby nodded her head agreeing with her friend. "Plus with the police escort I guess..." All the things her friend had just mentioned did make sense and give reasoning as to how Santana was able to even leave the house in the first place. It wasn't that Shelby wished that Santana didn't want to leave the house. Of course she wanted her daughter to have a normal life after this horrible trauma... she just was surprised at her eagerness to leave the house so soon.

Ruth cut off Shelby's thoughts. "I don't really think that Santana was thinking of herself when she suggested the park anyway. She was clearly focused on helping Quinn and Rach."

Shelby let out another sigh. That was also true. "I know. You are right. Everything just feels so much more complicated now. It is like everything decided to fall down at the same time." She shook her head and returned her head back into her hands as she stared down at the granite top.

Ruth didn't have any comforting words for Shelby this time. She simply sighed and then walked around the island. She pulled the stool out and sat down next to her best friend as she reached over and rubbed comforting circles on Shelby's back.

Shelby spoke again, not bothering to pick up her head. "What am I supposed to do with Quinn?"

"What do you mean?" Ruth asked as she continued the pattern on Shelby's back.

"I mean...should I get her parents to sign over their rights to me? Should I pursue adoption? Can I even do that? Will Russell even let that happen?"

Ruth immediately understood what her friend was saying. She pulled her hand from her friend's back. "It should definitely be something you should discuss with Judy. Since Quinn is going to be living here...and in your care, it would be good if you were at the very least recognized as her legal guardian. That way you could sign her out of school if ever need be, or sign her paperwork for field trips or camps...or god forbid you have to make any medical decisions following an accident or anything, being named guardian would be beneficial, and protect you legally."

"Yea..." Shelby trailed off. "That's what I figured. I just feel like...it's not going to be as easy as that with Russell. Nothing ever is." Shelby let out a frustrated groan as she massaged her temples.

Ruth knew better than to continue to push that topic for now. She could tell her friend couldn't think about it at the moment. After a few moments of silence Ruth finally opened her mouth. "How is Rach?"

Shelby shrugged her shoulders with her head still in her hands. "She...she's fine physically. Just a few scrapes and cuts. She wanted to stay in my room and read more of that book you brought for her."

This made Ruth smile. "I'm glad she likes it."

Shelby lifted her head from her hands and looked over at her best friend. "I'm glad you thought of it. It's good to keep her mind busy...I don't want what's happened and what we've had to explain to her to continuously occupy her mind. She's eight." She watched Ruth nod her head in agreement. Shelby sighed and looked down at the granite as she shook her head. "Although, I'm afraid that it already does," her voice was quieter now as she thought back to the upset broken little girl she had just cleaned blood and dirt off of minutes earlier in her bathroom. It instantly reminded her of her other daughter who she also had to clean blood off of in that same bathroom. Everything was such a mess.

Ruth looked at Shelby, "what happened?"

Shelby shrugged her shoulders. "Rachel is so angry. I didn't see it…even though I should have." She finally looked over at Ruth, locking eyes with her best friend. "She is blaming herself...for not being able to do anything more. She doesn't understand that by her hiding and calling the cops...that she did SO much to help her sister on Monday. She feels like there was more she could have done...and now she is trying to be the "hero" at the park...standing up to that bully." Shelby blinked back the tears that were now threatening to fall. "She tried to push a kid because he had pushed another little boy. The kid was bigger, so he pushed her back, and that's why she fell." She shook her head. "First Russell...then this kid...she's trying to solve problems that she can't solve all because she is so angry about everything that has happened."

"It is taking a toll on her. She's eight...and between Santana and Quinn...she is learning about issues that not even they should be aware of."

Shelby nodded her head in agreement. "My girls need therapy." She rested her head in one of her hands with a heavy sigh.

Ruth reached along the granite and grabbed her friend's hand in her own. "We all do."

* * *

I walked down the steps slowly. My towel was still wrapped around my shoulders as my hair was still damp from my shower. Once I had finished my shower I wrapped my stomach in fresh bandages and then changed into comfy clothes. Clad in sweatpants and a t-shirt I had started to walk towards Quinn's room only to hear that the shower was still running from the hallway bathroom. Instead of waiting for my friend to finish her long shower I decided that joining my mother, Ruth and sister downstairs would be better.

I paused on the last step. I wanted to check on Rachel and be there for her. I really did. I just... couldn't bring myself to move off of the last step. The sight of her crying on the playground floor had only reminded me of how she had cried after _he_had smacked her to the ground in her bedroom. I had seen the look in her face at the playground... I could tell something was up. Why didn't I go to her before that little brat had a chance to lay a hand on her? Similarly, why had I just laid on the floor as I watched my rapist inch towards my baby sister Monday night?

I shook my head as I took a step backwards up the stairs. I couldn't look at Rachel and be there for her. If I looked at her right now I wouldn't really be there. She deserved better. I would just break her heart all over again, and I couldn't bear to do that to her, not again.

"Santana?" suddenly Ruth's voice was next to me.

I looked down at her from the step I was still frozen to without a response.

"Come on baby, let's come to the kitchen. Your mom and I want to talk to you." She smiled up at me gently as she reached her hand out for me to grab.

I hesitated. Talk to me? About what? I tried to read Ruth's face but was unable to figure out what was hiding behind it. After a minute I finally sighed as I took her outstretched hand and was slowly pulled towards the kitchen.

I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding as I rounded the corner into the kitchen and noticed Rachel's absence. She must be in my mother's room. Somehow I felt a weight lift from my shoulder once I came to the conclusion that I might be able to get through the rest of the day and night without having to see my baby sister. I felt badly that I was so thankful for her absence, but I knew deep down that I couldn't have handled it.

I was now sitting next to my mother at the island as Ruth set a glass of water in front of me. I looked up at my godmother as she leaned against the other countertop and crossed her arms over her chest. "Thank you," I murmured towards her. She nodded her head in response.

We all sat in silence for a minute or two. I was waiting for what the adults wanted to 'talk to me about'. Surely it had to be with why I allowed Rachel to be pushed at the park. That was the only thing it could be right? Wrong.

My mom looked over at me causing me to look at her. I couldn't read her face. "San..." she started but trailed off. I watched her knead her lip between her teeth as she collected her thoughts. I simply held onto the glass that was in my hand as tight as I could and waited. My mom tried again, "Santana, we think..." she trailed off and shook her head as she looked me straight in the eyes and corrected herself, "I think that it might be time to look into talking to someone...about everything."

I let my mother's words sink in. At first I didn't quite understand what she was saying. Surely she wasn't going where I thought she was going...I had already told her 'no' to that before. "Talk to someone?" I asked. It was a rhetorical question but my mother answered anyway.

"A therapist."

"I don't need a therapist. I'm not crazy mom...I just...I just need time." I felt my breathing intensifying. Suddenly I was growing mad, and I couldn't tell where the anger was coming from.

My mom must have seen the fire in my eyes. "I'm not saying that you are crazy. Not at all, Santana. You've been through something..." she licked her upper lip. I watched as she tried to keep herself pulled together, the tears that had just surfaced her eyes instantly seemed to disappear after she drew in a deep breath and continued speaking. "You have been through something incredibly difficult. You have survived it and now you are trying to figure out how to deal with it. -"

I cut my mother off as I shook my head. "That is all I can do."

My mom shook her head in response. "It is not something you have to do alone."

"I have you. I have you and Quinn and Rachel and Ruth..." I looked over at Ruth who was still leaned against the counter with her hands crossed over her chest.

My mother's voice brought my vision back to her. "You do have us, San. Absolutely, and you always will... but you don't let us in. You haven't... you haven't talked to us...you won't let us in."

I shrugged my shoulders quickly as I felt the anger start to spread. Why was she doing this to me? "That's because I can't!"

"A therapist would help you be able to get to the point where -"

My voice grew louder as I cut my mom off. "I don't need some shrink! I don't want one."

Ruth suddenly pushed off the counter she was previously leaned on and walked towards the island. She bent over and rested her elbows on the granite top as she stood across the structure from me. I looked over at her as she opened her mouth to speak; her voice was calm and collected. "We have a great therapist new to our practice. She specialized in pediatric psychology -"

"I'm not a kid." I snapped at my godmother.

I watched as Ruth put her hands up, "I didn't say you were, sweetie." She took a breath before continuing, "I'm just saying, she is a really nice woman. She is very easy to talk to. I think you would like her."

I shook my head harshly. "No."

I looked over at my mom as she began to speak. "Honey -"

"No!" My voice snapped back, a little louder than before.

My mom tried again, "Santana, I really think -"

I didn't care what she thought. I couldn't. Not now. Not talking about this. The anger consumed me as I shot up quickly from my stool. "NO! I said NO!" I screamed at the two adults. I squeezed my eyes shut.

_"Keep yelling bitch, no one will hear you."_

His voice flashed through my head. An image of his evil smile looking down as he lay on top of me followed it. I could hear his chuckle and I could feel his filthy hands on my body. I could almost feel the dirt from the woods on my back.

I shook my head fiercely and shook my arms to get the feeling of his lingering touch from my skin as I opened my eyes to join the present. Ruth and my mom were both now standing up right looking at me with wide eyes. They were shocked by my sudden loud outburst, and stunned by my immediate silence. I could see it in their eyes that they knew where my brain had just gone as I stood there with my eyes closed.

I looked over at Ruth then at my mom. "He convinced me that I liked it." My voice had started out quiet as I admitted one of the worst parts about this ...hell… out loud. I know my mother knew about this part of what had happened, but I wasn't so sure if my godmother did. I didn't look over at her to see her reaction to my latest statement. I couldn't. So instead I continued as I looked my mother square in the eyes, "and now you are trying to convince me that I need therapy." My voice grew with strength. "I said no. I said 'no' to him. I'm saying 'no' to you. I would think, as my mother...that you wouldn't be like him. That you would actually listen to me, but clearly I'm wrong." I threw my hands up in frustration as I began panting with anger. "What else do I need to do to get you to HEAR ME?!" I screamed the last two words at my mother as I slammed my arms back down at my side.

Ruth took a step closer to me. "Calm down sweetie, hear your mother out."

I snapped my head in her direction. "Shut up, Ruth!" I snarled fiercely. I watched my godmother's jaw drop from my sudden harsh tone directed at her.

"Santana Maree, you do NOT speak to an adult that way, let alone your godmother." My mother scolded as she finally snapped out of her daze by my rude tongue.

I turned my head quickly back to face my mother. My breathing was still intensified as my heart raced in my chest. "I have had to tell Quinn, then the stupid doctor lady at that clinic she brought me to. Then I had to tell you, and then that detective in Rachel's room and then the doctor at the hospital. After that I had to talk to Ruth about it briefly and since then I've had to answer my eight year old sister's questions...I've had to talk about the worst two nights of my life way too many times already...why the hell would I want to tell yet another stranger?"

I watched my mom sigh. "Therapy helps you move forward Santana..."

I shook my head fiercely again as I crossed my arms over my chest tightly. "I don't want to! I don't want to move forward! I don't want to do anything!" I released my arms as I looked over at Ruth then lowered my gaze to the kitchen floor. The anger was slowly fading from my body. "I... I can barely breathe. I...I think about it...all the time." Where the anger was just flowing through my veins was now filled with defeat and sadness. My eyes started to sting with tears, a feeling I was way too familiar with at this point. "I close my eyes and all I see is...is him." Tears began to fall down my cheeks slowly. "It takes...everything in me...to not just live in the shower. I feel him. I hear him. I smell him...and now...now I taste him. He has taken over every one of my senses...and he is still out there." I finally raised my head to meet my mother's eyes. "He is out there somewhere..." A sob managed to escape my lips as I pictured what he could be doing right now. "And he's hurt other girls."

An eerie silence enveloped the kitchen. I know that the same thing I was thinking was now running through the adult's minds too.

I broke the silence with a shake of my head. I sniffled and wiped my face with my hand. "I can't go talk to someone. It's not just about being scared now...It's the fact that even thinking about telling yet another person makes me feel exhausted...and...exposed." A quivering breath was released from my lips as I tried to stand up taller and hold my mom's gaze. "So, no. No therapy. No."

All my mom did was stare back at me in response. She was looking at my face, watching me, taking in my words. I could see how sad her face was but I couldn't bring myself to care. Not when it came to this. This was something I absolutely was not going to do. Screw therapy. My mom nodded her head gently which made me release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"If you ever feel ready...or if you ever think you might want to try it. You let me know and I will take you." She looked over at Ruth who was still silent next to me. "We can take you; we all would go for you. You just let us know if there is ever a time... if you ever want to."

I closed my eyes for a second to absorb what she had said. "Don't hold your breath." I murmured back to her. I opened my eyes and looked between my mother and Ruth. "I'm gonna go shower." With that I turned to leave the room.

As I begun to walk away slowly my mom's voice rang out. "San...you just took a shower, baby."

I froze in my tracks and sighed. I felt my shoulders drop even lower than they were previously. I shook my head and spoke quietly still facing the exit to the kitchen. "I need to take another one." When no one responded I sighed before slowly turning to face the adults. I looked at the ground. "I'm sorry." My voice was just above a whisper. No one replied, so I questioned if they were even able to hear my apology. I chewed on my lip as I attempted to gather enough strength to look my godmother in the eyes. I raised my head slowly and looked at Ruth; she tilted her head waiting for me to speak. I cleared my voice so that it would come out stronger this time, "I'm sorry I snapped at you." Before she could respond I looked over at my mom. "I'm sorry I yelled at you... I...just..." I couldn't finish my sentence because I had no idea what I was going to say. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I had already said too much. I hung my head unable to look my mother in the eyes anymore. "May I please just go take a shower now?" I asked towards the tiled floor.

I heard my mom sigh. "Yes...yes of course." Her voice sounded so sad and defeated, it only added to my guilt.

I turned to leave the room again, careful not to pick up my head so I could avoid their eyes and worried faces. My godmother's voice reached my ear before I could turn from the room. "We love you Santana," she said strongly.

All I could do was mumble, "I love you too," in return as I walk out of the room towards the staircase again. I idly brought my hand up to unwrap the still damp towel from around my shoulders. Here I was still with wet hair, about to take another shower. I shook my head at myself in frustration as I made my way up the stairs.

* * *

The rest of Thursday evening and night was a quiet one. Ruth had gone home shortly after the adults had bombarded me with the suggestion of therapy. I spent the rest of the night in my room quietly avoiding everyone in the house. I didn't want to talk about therapy. I didn't want to talk about myself or my feelings. I didn't want to see Rachel hurt. It only reminded me of my failure as a big sister yet again. I sighed heavily and shook my head at myself. I should have done more to protect Rachel, but I failed. Again. Now it was Friday morning and without the distraction of school, I had nothing to occupy my mind with. I didn't really want to go back to that place. It had been hard enough to go back on Monday and that had been before... I shook my head and removed my gaze from my spinning fan. I looked at the time. It was just after 11:00a.m. Almost noon and I still hadn't left my bedroom yet. My stomach growled but I wasn't interested in eating. My mom had poked her head in to check on me twice already, but both times I had pretended to still be sleeping. It was easier than talking to her.

I sighed as I gently sat myself up to a sitting position. While my stomach was healing a lot better now, it was still tender when I instigated my muscles. I guess that is to be expected given the circumstances. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and tried to motivate myself to finally rise from the mattress for the day. I wonder what Quinn was up to. I wasn't surprised that I hadn't heard from her yet this morning, I figured she was probably pretending to be asleep too. We are so much alike in so many ways. If I know my best friend like I know I do, then she is probably closed off in her bedroom with a full mind like me. She is probably doing the exact same thing I am doing right now. Wondering how the hell our lives had gotten so off path from what they were.

Suddenly my bedroom door opened without a knock. I froze in my seated position on my mattress, it was too late for me to slam back down and pretend I was asleep again. My mom would most definitely see me. All I could do was grab the edge of the mattress and wait for her to come in. Only it wasn't my mom. I looked down as Rachel entered my room timidly. She inched in slowly, leaving my door wide opened. My eyes fell to the gashes on my little sister's knees; the fall at the playground had really taken a toll on her. I chewed my lip as I looked up at Rachel's face. The side of her face had a few cuts and scrapes along it as well. I couldn't form a sentence as I felt a lump in my throat that was working really hard to come out. I couldn't cry in front of Rachel out of the blue, and if I tried to talk in this initial moment I know that the only thing that would happen would include a loud sob and tears on my part. Instead I raised my eyebrows at her, silently asking her what she wanted.

I watched as Rachel looked down at her hands nervously still standing feet away from me near my door. Her voice was quiet, "Can you help me and Mama change my room around?"

I felt the lump in my throat instantly grow larger. I lowered my eyes so that when Rachel raised hers they wouldn't meet mine. I know the reason they are changing Rachel's room around. Rachel hadn't been able to spend much time in there since... I shook my head at myself. They are rearranging it to try to help us all forget what had almost happened in there days earlier. I hunched my shoulders over further only to get a slight protest from my stomach wounds. I was still sore and achey when I moved. I honestly didn't even want to think about bending over and moving furniture around. The truth was I didn't feel like doing much of anything. It would be too much emotionally and physically right now. I can't bring myself to be a part of it.

I finally looked up at my little sister. "Rach..." I started, and by the tone of my voice my little sister could tell what I was going to say before I even said it. I could see her shoulders instantly begin to sag and watched as her face immediately fell. I hate that I disappoint her so much.

"There you are boo, I was looking for you," My mother's voice filled my room. She looked over at me. "Good morning sleepy head," she smiled. As soon as she stepped inside my room her smile faded. She felt the awkward tension that had just surrounded it seconds before. She frowned, "What is going on?" I watched her look at me and take in my face before she looked down at Rachel and saw the defeated look in the eight year old's eyes.

Neither of us answered her.

"Boo?" My mom put her hand gently on Rachel's shoulder breaking her from her trance. I watched as Rachel's eyes left mine to look up at our mother.

"Yea?" Her little voice answered.

My mom smiled down at her, "You ready to go rearrange your room?"

I remained silent as I saw Rachel lower her head slowly and reply quietly, "Yea...I guess so."

My mom ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, "Santana really should be resting and not lifting and moving furniture around." My mom looked up and smiled kindly at me. I tried to quickly recover my shock before my little sister could see it on my face. Sometimes I swore my mom could somehow hear my thoughts. I watched her look back down at Rachel, "Besides, I was looking forward to spending time with you...just me and you, bonding."

Rachel sighed and looked back up at our mother, "okay." She said simply before slowly turning to walk from my room. The disappointment was still in her voice, it made my heart sting. I watched the two of them slowly retreat from my room.

"We have lunch meat downstairs; go make yourself a sandwich, Santana. I'll come check in with you when we are done." My mother instructed over her shoulder as I watched her disappear around the corner towards Rachel's room. I could hear Rachel dragging her feet slowly along the carpet as my mom continued to usher her down the hall.

All I could do was hang my head. I felt so disappointed in myself.

* * *

Quinn sat on the floor with her legs crossed in front of her as she stared at the three suitcases that cluttered her room. She had spent the majority of the morning just staring at them and pretending to be fine every time Mama Lopez would poke her head in to check on her. She gave a sigh. It was almost 11 a.m. She should really start looking through, organizing and unpacking the things her mom had sent for her. She leaned forward and lugged the nearest suitcase towards her. It was incredibly heavy. Quinn furrowed her brows, how had Santana carried this up the stairs yesterday?

She laid it down in front of her with a thud and unzipped the bag, flinging the top back. Quinn pulled out the stuffed penguin that was sitting on top of all the other stuff in the heavy suitcase. She looked at it and smiled, it had been one of the only stuffed animals she had kept throughout the years from her childhood. His name was Penguin. She arched her brow; she was the most creative kid, clearly. She rolled her eyes as she went to set Penguin aside. Maybe she would give him to Rachel; she knew the eight year old would absolutely love it. Rachel's obsession with penguins was well known. Quinn shook her head as she felt the smile pull her lips with the thought. She sighed heavily as she looked away from the silly stuffed animal and refocused back on the suitcase that lay in front of her.

Quinn began pulling out each thing that was neatly tucked into the case. Her brow furrowed when she began to see all of the contents it held. A snow globe from her trip to New York a few years back, her miniature piggy bank that was full of nothing but pennies, two book ends with her name painted on them, a spanish-english dictionary, her Lion King coffee mug, a box that held her costume jewelry, Alexa's scarf that her mom always mixed up and swore was hers, the ceramic plate that usually held her nice rings...without the rings anywhere to be found. She shook her head. This stuff was so random. A dinosaur shaped Pez dispenser? Really? She decided to push this suitcase aside and think about where to put the knick knacks later. Focusing on hanging up and folding clothes would be much easier. It was much more of a mindless task then dispersing the clutter throughout the room. Quinn reached forward and pulled the suitcase filled with clothes near her. She flipped open the suitcase top and pulled a handful of shirts out of it and into a pile in her lap.

She could smell the scent of her parents' house on her clothes. She pulled a shirt up to her face and took in a big whiff. Yep, that was the smell of her parent's house. It wasn't like it was a bad smell or anything, it was just their smell. She frowned as she dropped the shirt in her lap. That wasn't normal right? To be able to smell your own scent? Quinn shrugged her shoulders; it wasn't like she spent much time there anyway. The blonde suddenly paused. She was curious. She leaned over and grabbed the fabric of her curtains in her hands and took in a big long sniff. Nothing. She pulled her head back quickly dropping the fabric from her hands. She was already immune to the Lopez smell. Quinn scrunched her eyebrows together trying to remember the last time she realized that she could smell Santana's smell. She couldn't come up with anything. Weird. Quinn forced herself to think harder. Nothing. Every beginning of summer Mama Lopez had a tradition of buying the 'fresh linen' scented candles and glade plug ins which she placed throughout the house. The first two weeks of summer it always smelled like fresh linen in the two story house, but the candles always wore out and the glade plug ins weren't ever replaced after they ran out. It always only lasted the first two weeks of summer vacation. A random thing that seemed to be a ritual every year in this household. It was the only things that Quinn could come up with regarding the scent of this house. It had nothing to do with the Lopez scent...surely they didn't smell like fresh linen on their own, but it was the only scent she could associate with this house. Quinn smiled; she loved the smell of fresh linen. The first two weeks of summer was always something she looked forward to because of that...among other obvious reasons.

Quinn's smile quickly turned into a frown. Why the hell had she just spent the past 10 minutes thinking about smells? She shook her head at herself as she grabbed another shirt from her suitcase and placed it on a hanger. So what if she could smell her parent's scent and not her best friends? Who wasted their time thinking about these things? Who even noticed it in the first place? She shook her head again as she placed the now hung shirt next to her on the floor to start a pile. She was definitely weird.

* * *

I heard movement in Quinn's room as I leaned my head near her slightly ajar door. I bit my lip and opened the door slowly. I needed my best friend to distract me from myself. When I entered Quinn looked up at me from her spot on her floor, she gave a small grin. I looked around her room. She had random things stacked out all around her. Was that a Lion King mug? It brought a smile to my mouth.

"Hey," I said simply as I gently sat down on her mattress.

Quinn turned her head back to look at the pile of clothes that were sitting in front of her. "Hey," she said back quickly as she reached for a hanger from the pile of them at her side.

I frowned at the big mess she had herself surrounded in. "What are you doing?"

Quinn sighed as she put a shirt on the hanger and set it in the pile of hung shirts next to her. "I'm unpacking..." her voice was tired and worn.

I nodded my head even though she couldn't see me from where I sat. I watched as she looked around herself at all the random things she had on the floor before she looked at the three suitcases that rested in front of her. She looked overwhelmed. "Do you want any help?"

Quinn turned her head to glance at me and flashed a small thankful smile but then immediately shook her head. "Nah...It's ok."

I nodded my head as silence overtook the room. I watched Quinn hang a few more shirts and set them to her side. Suddenly when she pulled the next shirt from her suitcase rather than putting it on a hanger she brought it to her nose. I watched her take in a deep breath, breathing in the fabric. She turned to face me suddenly causing me to furrow my eyebrows.

"Smell this," she demanded as she tossed her shirt up to where I was still sitting on her bed.

I hesitated before slowly bringing the shirt up to my nose. "What?"

"Can you smell it?"

I scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion. "All I smell is your parent's house. Why? Does it smell weird to you?" I took another whiff and shook my head unsure of where Quinn was going with this.

"No... It smells like my parent's house."

I made a face at her. "Okay?"

I watched Quinn shrug her shoulders. "Smell your own shirt."

I continued to have a weary look on my face as I slowly smelled the shoulder of my shirt. I shook my head and looked back at my best friend. "What about it?" She was being weird.

"Can you smell anything?"

"No...But you usually can't smell your own smell." I said with a shrug.

"Exactly."

Realization washed over me as I understood what she was saying. "Oh... I understand." I nodded my head. After a brief pause I tilted my head and looked at Quinn again. "I hope our family doesn't smell bad. What if our scent is a scent no one wants to smell? That would be unfortunate."

Quinn rolled her eyes playfully which caused me to smile. "You are ridiculous. I'm sure you don't smell bad. I never used to think so in the past anyway."

I let out a short laugh, my smile still on my face. "You've always been so obsessed with smells, it's so funny." I tossed her shirt back to her.

"Yea yea..." Quinn muttered as she caught the shirt and turned back to her pile of clothes as silence took over again.

I felt my smile fade from my face. After a few moments the words that were in my head came tumbling out of my mouth. "Rachel just came in my room asking me to help her rearrange her room."

Quinn didn't turn but asked a question as she continued to fold another shirt. "She is rearranging her room?"

"Yea... my mom thinks it'll help..." I knew that I didn't need to finish the sentence for Quinn to understand what it is that it would help.

"Oh, yea. That makes sense."

I nodded my head slowly. "I felt bad saying 'no' to her...but I just...I couldn't bring myself to want to go move furniture with her and my mom."

I watched Quinn set down the shirt she had just finished folding. "Understandable," she agreed.

I continued as I hung my head. My voice was quieter now. "Especially because I know that I am the reason that it has to be moved in the first place."

Quinn suddenly turned to face me. Her voice was strong. "No. _He_is the reason it has to be moved. Not you."

I refused to meet her gaze. "Whatever. Same thing." I shrugged.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see Quinn abruptly shaking her head. "Not the same. Not at all."

I finally looked up at my best friend. She raised her eyebrows and nodded her head, silently asking me if I understood. I succumbed and nodded my head slowly with a sigh. Time to change the subject. "Well...I'm hungry... I haven't eaten yet. Do you want anything?" I asked as I stood from Quinn's bed.

Quinn continued to look at me for a minute without answering. I could tell she was battling on whether or not she should challenge my subject change. Thankfully she decided against it as she picked up another shirt to fold. "No. I had some bacon and a bagel earlier this morning before I shut myself off in here."

I nodded my head as I began to walk towards her door. "You sure you don't want me to stay and help?"

"I pinky promise. I just...I just kinda wanna do this." She motioned towards all of the crap that surrounded her on the floor. "I want to unpack all this stuff...and then maybe...maybe I will be able to wrap my brain around it all." She refused to look at my eyes as she finished saying the rest of the sentence.

I nodded my head and reached her door. "Ok. well...I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich then I'll be in my room if you need me for anything."

"Ok." Quinn replied quickly as she continued to look at her knick knacks that took up the majority of her floor space.

I paused in the doorway. "Hey Q?"

My best friend looked up at me with raised eyebrows. "Yea?"

I smiled at her. "Love you."

My smile grew when I watched as one replaced Quinn's frown on her own face. "To the moon and back," she replied simply. With that I exited the room and closed the door behind me.

* * *

After I made my sandwich and finished it I had zoned out and stared at the kitchen clock as the minutes passed. I was the only one downstairs and I was enjoying the privacy. I finally have been able to almost turn off my brain. I've realized if I stare at something long enough, I can almost do things without really thinking about anything at all. It's the same feeling I get while I'm performing our competitive cheerleading routine for the judges panel at each of our competitions. When I'm in the routine, it is like my body takes over my brain, and no thoughts are processed. My brain is just quiet for a solid three minutes and then suddenly the routine is over and I am snapped back into my body. It is just like that. The quiet of my brain is a welcomed new thing that I have come to cherish and appreciate. My brain has been on a solid overdrive the past two weeks since...everything... It is nice to finally get a break from even myself.

A loud boom from my sister's room had snapped me from my thoughtless daze. My mom had yelled that everything was fine, she had just knocked over a chair or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Once being awoken from my daze all I could think about was the taste of a cigarette on my lips. So now, here I am sitting in my room at my open window puffing on my third cigarette.

Usually I would never smoke inside my room, let alone the house. Usually I wouldn't even chance it if my mom was home. But I couldn't help it. I needed a cigarette...and then when the first one ended I needed another one and then that led me to the one I just released from my lips as I blew out a puff of smoke through my nostrils. I was careful to ensure that all the smoke was exhaled out of my window as I couldn't chance the smell lingering. I didn't even bother grabbing my ashtray from the potted tree downstairs as I decided to just ash outside of my bedroom window too. No evidence could be left behind. I closed my eyes lightly as I took another long drag from the cigarette in my hand. The faint sound of the paper burning and popping greeted my ears. Keeping my eyes closed I released the smoke from my lungs again. I paused, cigarette in hand, as I thought about how much I love smoking. The warm smoke filling up your lungs and then leaving its trail from your nostrils or mouth was something that seemed to work wonders at calming me down and getting my mind away from my body. The slight taste the paper left on my lips, the sound of the crackling, the heat of the smoke, flipping the lighter on... all of these things were so soothing.

I brought my hand to my mouth again slowly to take another drag when my bedroom door slammed open, hitting the wall behind it. The sudden noise caused me to jump away from my window and snap my eyes open as I fiercely coughed the smoke from my body. I was caught in a fit of coughs for a few seconds causing tears to form in my eyes as I held the cigarette securely between my fingers away from my body.

"Santana Maree Lopez." My mother's voice boomed through my room.

My coughing instantly subsided as panic filled my body. I stood frozen in my mother's presence, speechless. I looked at her as she looked at me with wide wild crazed eyes. I watched her gaze slowly drop to my hand, which was still holding the lit cigarette between my fingers. I couldn't even follow her gaze down towards my hand because I was so caught in panicked fear to even be able to move. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. This was the only thing repeating in my head. I was as good as dead. Shit.

My mom snapped her eyes back up to mine. I felt like I was a deer caught in headlights. Her voice was angry and loud. "What the hell is this?! Since when have you started smoking? How did you get that!? What...what the hell is going on here? Do you understand how BAD smoking is for you?!" I remained frozen as my mother shook her head fiercely. She took a few very large powerful strides over towards me and then reached down and snatched the still lit cigarette from my hand. "Give me that!"

I didn't object. I couldn't. I couldn't say anything. All this time, I have been hiding this from her and she is going to find out now? Like this? All I could do was follow her with my eyes as she turned towards my window and flicked the cigarette out of it before slamming them closed angrily. I numbly turned to face her. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. What was I going to say? What was I going to do? How did I let this happen? How could I be so stupid? Shit.

My mom broke my internal freak out by reaching down and picking up my box of cigarettes that I had left on the window sill. I watched her silently as she flipped open the top to find that more than half of the box was already gone. She looked up at me with a look of angry disbelief on her face. "I can't believe this!" She hissed. She opened her mouth to say something else; I pulled my head away from her instinctively knowing that whatever else she said was also going to be at a very loud level. But no words came out of her mouth. She opened and closed her mouth again, failing to come up with any words. The look of disappointment, anger and disbelief on her face made my heart pang with guilt. My mom groaned with frustration and turned to leave my room without any other words. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I caught a glimpse of my pack of cigarettes that her hand was tightly clamped around as she made her way to my bedroom door.

The words tumbled from my mouth before I could catch them. "I need those!" I yelled after her frantically causing her to pause mid stride. My voice had come out louder than expected, scaring even me. If it was even possible, my eyes grew even wider as I watched my mom spin around so quickly that her hair whipped her in her face.

Before I could even have another thought process my mother was standing directly in front of me again, breathing angrily. "You 'NEED' these?!" She shook the pack in her hand. I had never seen my mom this mad before. Sure when I was younger I used to get into all types of trouble with fighting. She would yell, we would get into some pretty intense yelling matches but...the look she had on her face in this moment was unlike anything I had ever seen before. My mother's eyes grew wide as she took a step away from me, shaking her head sharply. "Excuse me?" She asked, daring me to answer.

I opened my mouth to come up with some type of excuse... but nothing was coming to mind. There was no way I could get out of this one. My mind wasn't working. Not at all. I couldn't even come up with even a dumb excuse to buy me time. I instantly closed my mouth again without breaking eye contact from my mother.

My mom let out a sharp snort. "Unbelievable!" She screamed through the room as she tilted her head back and looked at the ceiling. I watched as she snapped her gaze back to me. "Who gave these to you?" She asked harshly.

I hesitated. "Mom..." I started to plead, my tone was quiet and begging but my mom quickly shook her head cutting me off. She knew that I was trying to avoid the question, but instead of wasting time she wasn't going to have it.

"No Santana!" Her voice boomed off my walls loudly. "Who?!" She pointed quickly at the cigarette pack in her hand.

I gulped the knot that was in my throat. "Just...just some kid at school..." my voice was quiet, I suddenly couldn't look my mother in her eyes anymore.

My mom shook her head yet again. "I can't believe this!" She looked up at the ceiling again, talking to no one in particular. "I can't freaking believe this!" She looked back at me. "When did this start?"

I looked past her at the wall behind her, avoiding her eyes again. "I don't know..." I mumbled.

"What do you mean, 'you don't know'?" My mom's voice started out harsh yet again but suddenly she cleared her throat and took a deep breath which scared me even more. When she spoke again her voice was much calmer. "Did it start...was it because of last week?"

My mom's assumption disgusted me. I didn't start smoking because of my rape. I started smoking long before it. He doesn't get credit for that too. Suddenly I had a spark of anger that flickered within me. "No!" I snapped back quickly.

The flicker of anger instantly was extinguished when my mom's eyes flared wide again. I wanted to hit myself. I should have said yes. I should have lied. "So you've been smoking for a while now?" Her voice was strong. I looked away from her as I chewed my lip. The only answer I gave her was a shrug of my shoulders. There was no going back now. I let my anger get me in deeper trouble than I already was in. "Santana Maree." My mom snapped loudly causing me to look back into her eyes.

"I don't remember how long it's been, Mom." My voice was strong now too. She was asking me a question that was hard to answer.

"Are we talking weeks? ...Months?..."

I thought about my mother's question carefully. She was looking me directly in the eyes, so I knew she would be able to see my lie if I tried. I had been smoking for nearly a year now. "I don't know..." I trailed off and then stopped as soon as I watched my mother strengthen her gaze on me. She was daring me with her eyes to even finish the lie. I shook my head angrily. Why does it matter? It is my body. It's my money. "Months." I snap at her. I extended my hand with an open palm. "Can I have them back now?"

My mom's eyebrows furrowed as she pulled her head back yet again. She had a surprised look on her face from my audacity. "No! You definitely cannot have them back!" She shook her head and looked at the pack of cigarettes that were still in her hand. Silence overtook the room as we both stared at the pack. Suddenly my mom dumped the remaining cigarettes from the box into her hand. She tossed the box to my carpeted floor and started snapping the remaining cigarettes in half.

My jaw dropped open at my mother's quick crazed ripping. "Mom!" I yelled at her frantically as I watched her destroy one of the only things that were able to calm me down. "Stop!" She continued to snap the cigarettes in her hand. "STOP IT!" I yelled louder at her. I reached my hand out to snatch the couple of unbroken ones from her hand. She took a step back in response and finished the job she had started. "I paid for those!" I growled angrily at her in disbelief.

"Well too bad!" My mom shook her head furiously as she bent down quickly, scooping up the discarded box and then returned to her standing position. I watched as she begun to stuff the snapped cigarettes back into the empty box. She began speaking loudly again as she continued to focus on her hands and what they were doing. "There is absolutely NO way I am allowing you to smoke! Cigarettes are beyond awful for your health Santana Maree."

I shook my head. "I need them!" I screamed back at her. "I don't care about my health!"

My mom let out a sarcastic laugh. She looked up at me suddenly and for the first time I could see the tears that brimmed her eyes. "Well, that's too bad because I most certainly do." Her voice cracked at the end of her sentence. She bit her lip and I could see her chin quivering.

Shit. Now she was going to cry. Any anger that filled my veins a minute ago now had vanished as I watched my mom try her hardest to hold herself together in front of me. It was painful to look at. I shook my head and looked down at the ground to avoid looking at her face. "It's not a big deal. They help me relax." I said quietly.

My mom's voice was even calmer when she spoke again. "It is a big deal Santana. It is a very big deal. You are 16. These are horrid for your lungs. You are 16. You purchased these illegally. You are 16. You are smoking in MY house and I had NO idea." Again I could hear her voice break. She cleared her throat in order to try to hide it and continued. "This all is a VERY big deal young lady. I can't believe this."

I sighed as my mother's words settled in the room. I understood why she was upset. She is a doctor. She is my mother. She wanted better for me. But most of all, she had no idea. That last part killed her; I could see it all over her face as I looked up to meet her eyes again. "I'm sorry..." I breathed quietly. "I didn't mean to make you upset..." I shook my head. "I wasn't...I wasn't doing it to rebel against you or anything...I just... I just need them when...when I feel too full with emotions."

My mom stepped closer to me and reached out with her free hand grabbing one of mine in it. She stared lovingly into my eyes, which added to my guilt even more. It was hard to hold her gaze. My mom finally breathed. "Santana..." she started as she squeezed my hand. "That is what a therapist is for."

I snatched my hand from my mother's and crossed my arms protectively over my chest as I looked out my bedroom window. "No. I am not having this conversation again. No." I said quickly.

I heard my mom sigh. "Fine. But you are grounded. Absolutely grounded. We will be discussing this later...right now I need to just..." She trailed off as she took a few steps away from me towards my door. "I need to wrap my mind around this. In the mean time I expect you to work on your homework. Dinner will be ready at 6pm. I want you to work on your homework until that time in which you will be joining us for dinner. Understand?" She was now standing at my door.

I couldn't bring myself to look at my mom. "Yes mam..." I answered quietly.

My mom sighed heavily. "I love you," she breathed before turning from my doorway and walking down the hallway, cigarettes in hand.

* * *

Quinn walked briskly past Santana's open door to get to Rachel's room. She didn't want Mama Lopez to see her or call her into Santana's room. Once she heard the yelling start it had caused Quinn to stop her organizing process and walk to her closed bedroom door. Through the door she could hear what Mama Lopez was yelling about. She had found Santana's cigarettes. Quinn instantly knew that this was going to be epically bad. The blonde had made the decision to go to Rachel's room in attempt to distract the eight year old from the yelling. If she could hear it loud and clear through her closed bedroom door then Quinn figured that Rachel would be able to hear it through her walls also. She didn't want the eight year old to listen to the argument as she knew Santana had not only hid the smoking from her mom but from her sister as well. If she found out that Rachel now knew that she smoked too, it would devastate her further. Santana had had enough devastation for a while, so Quinn wanted to help at least as much as she could.

Quinn quickly walked into Rachel's room and closed the door behind her in an attempt to muffle the anger from the other room. Shelby's yelling wasn't scary per say, it was just intense. Quinn turned around and leaned on the door as she took in Rachel's newly sorted room. She smiled softly at how the new layout looked. Quinn's smile slowly faded when her eyes landed on Rachel who was sitting on her bed with her head hung low. The eight year old's face was unreadable. Quinn chewed on her lip as she made her way over to Rachel's bed and sat down next to her.

Rachel didn't even react at Quinn's sudden entrance to her room. She simply continued to stare at her knees intensely as she swung her legs back and forth off the edge of her bed. While she couldn't make out the words her mom and sister were yelling back and forth at each other, she heard the volume and intensity of it and concluded that it was not a good thing.

The silence from Rachel made Quinn feel awkward. Quinn generally could always count on Rachel talking up a storm to get her mind away from any problems that might be occupying it at the time. She realized that she had an ulterior motive for coming to Rachel's room other than to distract Rachel. She wanted a distraction as well. Quinn didn't want to feel awkward as she listened to Santana and Mama Lopez yell back and forth about Santana's habit. She didn't want to be across the hall from them, and certainly didn't want to be caught in the crossfire. She knew her best friend smoked when things got stressful. She had started the habit nearly a year ago now. Santana would buy them off of a kid at school who had a fake ID. Quinn didn't want to run the risk of Mama Lopez asking her if she knew about Santana's smoking because she didn't want to have to lie to the woman who has now opened her house to her. However, at the same time she didn't want to throw her person under the bus either. She figured her safest bet was being glued to Rachel's side, in Rachel's room. While it protects her from getting in the middle of the heated argument, it didn't really distract her much when the normally talkative eight year old was currently mute.

Quinn looked over at Rachel. "I love how you arranged your room." It was the only thing that Quinn could come up with as a topic for discussion. She shrugged her shoulders it herself. It will have to do. Quinn watched as Rachel continued to stare off into space at her scratched up knees. Quinn sighed. "Rach?"

Rachel slowly lifted her head and blinked at Quinn. How long had she been talking for? "What?"

Quinn scrunched her forehead as she looked down at the little girl. Did she really not hear her? Santana's voice intensified through the walls causing Quinn to speak again in attempt to somehow mask it. "I said that I like your room this way...it looks bigger."

Rachel continued to look up at Quinn for a few seconds quietly. She watched as the blonde teen chewed her lip nervously, waiting for Rachel to reply. Rachel shrugged her shoulders then looked back at her knees with a heavy sigh. "You are just saying that because you don't want me to listen to mama and sissy yelling," she mumbled.

Quinn sighed and lifted her arm around Rachel's shoulders and brought her into her side. The younger girl complied without fight and sunk into the sideways embrace. She rested her head on Quinn's shoulder. They both continued to sit in silence as Shelby's voice rang through the walls. Quinn closed her eyes. She felt bad for both Santana and Mama Lopez. Santana for obvious reasons, but she didn't realize until this moment that Mama Lopez wasn't really okay either. Sure she was a super woman and was amazing and always had on a brave face, but Quinn could hear in Shelby's voice how broken and tired she really was from everything. It just occurred to Quinn that her best friend's mother wore masks too, just like she has been doing for years. Mama Lopez seemed like she had everything together when she was in front of any of the girls, but in this moment Quinn had a pretty strong feeling that when alone, the older woman probably crumbled. The thought of it tore at Quinn's heart.

Quinn sighed as she leaned her head on Rachel's. Santana's voice could be heard through the walls. Quinn closed her eyes. She was so happy that she couldn't make out the words that Santana and Mama Lopez were screaming; it gave her a little comfort to know that Rachel couldn't understand the conversation. She shouldn't have to know about this too.

Suddenly Rachel lifted her head from Quinn's shoulder. She finally spoke with a sigh. "So you really think it looks bigger this way?"

Quinn looked at Rachel as she looked at her. She gave the girl a small smile as she realized that Rachel was trying her best to distract herself from listening to the muffled screams of her mother and sister. She had had enough. Quinn nodded her head and replied simply, "yea."

Quinn watched as Rachel's face scrunched in confusion.

The little girl pointed at her neck and poked it gently with her finger. "What happened?" Quinn pulled her head away from Rachel's finger so the young girl brought her hand back to her lap but continued to stare at the blonde's neck.

Quinn's hand instantly shot up to feel her neck wondering what the young girl was talking about. As soon as she pressed on her skin she was reminded of the faded bruises that were still there. The bruises her father had caused when he held her in a choke hold against his library's wall. Quinn had almost forgotten they were there. They were so faded now it was hard to see, but of course Rachel had always been the most observant person...she had to notice. Quinn instantly felt embarrassed.

The blonde tried to brush off the topic. "Nothing," she replied quickly as she tugged at the collar of her shirt in a failed attempt to cover the light green spots that remained on her skin.  
Rachel sighed and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "You can't lie to me anymore... I'm not as gullible as I used to be." She said defensively.

The statement caught Quinn off guard. She wasn't sure how she should respond. The first thing that came to her mind was the young girl's impressive vocabulary. "You're eight; you shouldn't even know big words like that." Quinn smiled at Rachel nervously in an attempt to redirect the conversation.

Rachel shook her head and sat a moment lost in her own thoughts. She finally looked up at Quinn. "Did your daddy hurt you like..." Rachel trailed off. "Like Ryan?"

"What?" Quinn frowned feeling caught in a web of truth when she really wanted to throw Rachel into a soft, safe bed of lies. Rachel hardly ever spoke of Ryan. She hated that she remembered him.

"Your dad hits you… right?…." Rachel looked up suddenly. The look in her eye made Quinn hold her breath. "Remember when I was little … you said that what Ryan did wasn't that big of a deal?"

"I didn't say that..." Quinn said quickly but trailed off under the eight year old's gaze.

"Yeah you did..." Rachel said as she searched Quinn's eyes. "I have an amazing memory." She continued to look at the older girl for a moment before looking away. "I never forget," she muttered.

Quinn remembered the night Rachel was talking about vividly. The broken look in Rachel's eyes, and the heartbreaking tone of her voice crushed Quinn. She swallowed the lump that was suddenly in her throat. She shook her head and looked at Rachel. "I didn't mean..." She shook her head again. Damn her and her 13 year old self. Rachel was right she had said that...but it wasn't what she meant. She just hadn't gathered the eloquence yet at that age to be able to properly articulate what exactly it was that she meant. "I didn't mean that it wasn't a big deal. It was..." Quinn paused and waited for Rachel to look up and meet her gaze, but the younger girl continued to look down at her own knees so Quinn continued. "He shouldn't have spanked you like that. It wasn't his place. That is all I meant."

Rachel shook her head. "That isn't all you meant and you know it."

Quinn sighed heavily. She didn't want to talk about this with Rachel. She didn't want Rachel's innocence to be obscured even farther by this knowledge too. Russell Fabray was her problem, not Rachel's. "Rachel..." Quinn started but was abruptly cut off.

"If you aren't going to tell me the truth, or if you are going to beat around the bushel then don't even bother." The young girl huffed angrily.

"Bush." Quinn said quietly as she looked away from Rachel with a sigh.

Rachel snapped her head in Quinn's direction. "What?"

Quinn was finally able to meet her eyes. "The saying is 'beat around the bush' not 'bushel'." She said calmly. She wasn't trying to be rude; she was just trying to get off the topic. She knew it wasn't fair to Rachel, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't talk about it to the little girl she thought of as a kid sister.

Rachel's eyes flashed a look of hurt before she tore them from Quinn's and crossed her arms even tighter over her chest. She huffed as she looked at the wall in silence.

Quinn looked up at the ceiling and squeezed her eyes closed as the yelling in the other room begun to finally die down. Maybe coming in here was a bad idea. Maybe being caught by Mama Lopez and asked about Santana's smoking would have been easier. She sighed heavily as she opened her eyes. This was something she was going to have to get used to. She was going to have to get used to Rachel's constant questions 24/7 and Santana's random yelling matches with her mom. Quinn had to keep reminding herself that this wasn't like it had been in the past. This was permanent now; she was to live at the Lopez's on a permanent basis. This was a house where the adult was fully involved in her children's lives. One that asks questions and teaches and bonds... the difference was night and day when compared to her parent's household.

Quinn sighed again and looked back at Rachel who still held an angry scowl on her face. Quinn realized in this moment that sooner or later she was going to have to address this topic with Rachel. The young girl wasn't going to simply forget about it for the rest of her life. That was way out of character for Rachel. As she took in Rachel's angry features she realized that she was being unfair to the eight year old. Quinn bit her lip and gently set her hand on Rachel's leg in attempt to break the angry tone that the younger girl's body was releasing.

"Don't." Rachel snapped angrily as she shook Quinn's hand from her leg.

Quinn pursed her lips together and grabbed the edge of Rachel's mattress in both of her hands as she stared at the wall across from them too. "Yes... he was angry at me a lot..." she breathed before continuing slowly, "and has hurt me...my dad that is..." Quinn trailed off when she noticed Rachel, out of the corner of her eye, turn her focus from the wall slowly towards her. Quinn continued to hold her strong gaze on the wall refusing to meet Rachel's eyes. "But... it's hard to talk about Rachel. I know that you feel like you're outside of everything..." Quinn shook her head. "It's not that we don't trust you it's that..." The blonde trailed off as she finally looked next to her and caught Rachel's gaze. "Saying the words are just as hurtful as living them..."

Quinn couldn't say anything else as she looked at the younger girl sitting next to her. Rachel stared at her for a long moment, taking in her words. Her anger had softened but there was something else there that Quinn couldn't read. The silence m

ade Quinn instantly start to regret admitting her secret to the eight year old. She wanted to scold herself. What was she thinking? Rachel was eight. She shouldn't have told her those things. Quinn shook her head slowly as she bit her lip, not breaking eye contact from Rachel.

"Thanks," Rachel suddenly whispered as she leaned into Quinn's side again.

"For what?" Quinn asked, her eyes shifting uncomfortably.

Rachel nuzzled her head into the older girl's side as she spoke again. "For including me..."

* * *

Before they knew it, it was dinner time. The four of them were gathered around the kitchen island as they picked at their pasta salad. Only the sound of clinking forks to the ceramic plates could be heard as everyone pretended to be more interested in their meals than each other's company. Shelby looked up from her plate at each girl silently.

Shelby first looked at Quinn who was sitting silently in her chair twirling her pasta with her fork. Shelby looked down at the plate of food that sat in front of the young blonde. It looked like she was moving the food around more than she was actually eating it. Quinn had kept her head down low for the majority of the day. She had wanted to spend the day in her room to get all of her things situated, which Shelby understood. She had offered to help Quinn, but of course the girl just wanted time alone. It made Shelby feel helpless, but granting her wish was the least she could do. Shelby knew that sooner rather than later she wanted to have a conversation with the blonde teen about a few things. She had been meaning to talk to her for a while now, but things kept coming up and now the list had grown quite lengthy. Shelby hadn't been finished giving the sex talk to Quinn over a week ago, when she initially found out that the girl had been sexually active for nearly a year. She needed to do that and she needed to check in with her about her feelings about her mother's visit from the previous day. She wanted to talk to her about the scars that Ruth had discovered on Quinn's backside. Shelby sighed. There was so much to discuss, it was overwhelming. As Shelby studied the face of the blonde girl she had considered part of the family for years she could see that she was trying incredibly hard to pretend to be happy in this moment. Quinn was always a hard one to read, she had a great poker face, unfortunately. If Shelby could have figured that out years ago then maybe the young teen would have been able to be spared some of the abuse she had endured all these years. Shelby shook her head. She heard Ruth's words in her head from earlier in the day. Stop blaming yourself, what's done is done; now it is time to move forward. Shelby took a breath and looked at Quinn again. The next step would be talking to Judy again. Figuring out how they wanted to handle the legal side of things in regard to guardianship. Shelby knew it wasn't going to be an easy road, especially with Russell, but it was one that had to be done. She just prayed that addressing it wouldn't backfire in anyway. Shelby shook her head again. She wouldn't let it backfire. She refused. Quinn would remain under her care living under her roof, if it was the last thing she did.

She changed her focus to Rachel. Her baby girl was silently chewing her food as she looked between Santana and Quinn. Shelby could tell that Rachel had things she wanted to say, but the sadness on her eight year old's face was disheartening. Rachel's sadness was keeping her from saying anything at the dinner table, something that was very out of character for her youngest daughter. Shelby let out a deep breath and reached for her wine glass taking a small sip. Rachel had been quiet for most of the day. While rearranging her room, Shelby had tried her best to get her to talk, about anything really but Rachel's mind was too focused elsewhere to really participate in the conversation. Shelby had to reassure her eight year old for what felt like the hundredth time that Santana does still love her very much and that she wasn't mad at her. She could see that while the eight year old listened attentively as she spoke about Santana, she wasn't really convinced that the words she spoke were completely truthful. Shelby didn't know any other way to convince Rachel that none of this was her fault. She didn't know any other way to get Rachel to fully understand that Santana wasn't mad, that she just needed space. To the eight year old, needing space meant that she was mad. No matter how hard she tried Shelby couldn't seem to break that thought process for Rachel. She chewed on her lip as she watched her baby take a sip of her water and stare back at her plate of food helplessly. Maybe she should bring Rachel in for a therapy session. While Santana still refused, Shelby didn't think it would be too hard to convince Rachel to just go and talk to someone. Shelby sighed heavily to herself. The fact that her eight year old needed a therapist tore at her heart.

Shelby stuck her tongue in her cheek as she finally looked at Santana. Her daughter was in a daze, it was like she wasn't even sitting at the dinner table with them. She hadn't lifted her gaze from her dinner plate since it was placed in front of her. She was somewhere else in her head and was just going through the movements of eating dinner without really participating in it. At least her food was disappearing from her plate. Looking at Santana's glazed over face, Shelby felt bad for the way she had yelled at her daughter earlier. However, as soon as she remembered why she had yelled, her anger returned. Shelby looked over at the trashcan that was on the other side of the room. Inside the closed lid she knew there was half a pack of cigarettes that were now split in half. The ones she had taken from her daughters hands hours ago. It made Shelby so angry. However her anger wasn't completely focused on Santana for having them, smoking them and hiding them from her. She was also angry at herself for missing it and for completely not knowing. It made Shelby so mad that Santana had been smoking those awful things for god knows how long, and she had had no idea what was happening in her own house. How could she have missed this? It was her job as a mother to protect her children and lately...she felt like she was doing a horrendous job. Her daughter had lied, snuck around her rules to attend a party, planned on having sex with her boyfriend and been smoking? How had she not seen any of this? What type of parent lets their children get away with this type of behavior? She shook her head, she didn't let Santana get away with it because she didn't know that she was doing any of these things in the first place. Her anger flared in her chest as she took another sip of wine in an attempt to calm her nerves. What type of parent doesn't know what their children are doing?

The doorbell suddenly rang, the chime echoed through the house breaking the perfect silence that had existed before it. The sudden disturbance caused Shelby to choke on her wine for a split second. She coughed to clear her throat as her brows furrowed. Rachel was looking up at her with wide question filled eyes. Shelby shrugged her shoulders and gave her youngest a small smile as she set down her wine glass. She looked over at Quinn briefly only to see that the blonde was looking towards Santana. Shelby immediately looked at Santana. The girl was clenching her fork so hard in her hand that Shelby could see that her knuckles were white. She looked up at Santana's face to see that her daughter had her eyes squeezed shut tightly and that she was holding her breath.

Shelby stood from her chair. "Santana, it is okay. You are okay." She said softly to her daughter as she walked around the corner of the table towards her. Santana didn't respond. She continue to hold her fork and breath remaining frozen in her chair.

Shelby sighed and looked over at Quinn who met her gaze. "I got her," Quinn said gently as she turned her focus back towards Santana. Shelby nodded her head and flashed a reassuring smile towards Rachel before exiting the room.

It was late in the evening. Ruth had her own key and knew better than to ring the doorbell now since...everything happened. Who could it be? Shelby quickened her pace to the front door and opened it carefully. Detective White stood on the other side of the door with a smile on her face. It took a minute for Shelby to register that there was a smile, it confused her. She felt herself frown in response as she continued to grip the door knob tightly in her hand. Why was she here? "Hello detective, how can I help -"

Before Shelby could even finish her greeting the eager detective cut her off. Detective White nodded her head as the smile spread on her face. "We caught him." She blew out a breath, licked her lips and felt her smile grow even more as she looked into the face of the mother of the girl she had been working so hard to help. "We finally caught him." She repeated again with a nod of her head.

**A/N: Dun dun duuuun! Are we happy? I know it is a cliffhanger buuuuut it is a good one...right? **

**Soooo another long chapter for you guys. I was told by a few of you reviewers that you don't mind...and since I had to make you all wait for so long...I figured you would appreciate it. Thank you all for reading. Your reviews are SO much appreciated! Keep them coming! I will try my absolute hardest to update the next chapter quicker than this one.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Big thank you to all my reviewers. A special thank you to my wonderfully amazing friend, Beaner008. This story would still have been hidden in my laptop had it not been for your encouragement and support. Love ya babe! Now onto the chapter!**

**Chapter 20**

I turn my head to look at my mom as she slowly enters the kitchen. There is a strange look on her face, one that I cannot read. I shrug off Quinn's supportive arm that she had wrapped around me after my mom had first vanished from the room. I was about to stand up from my chair when suddenly Detective White entered our kitchen behind my mother. I suddenly felt dizzy and nauseous. What was going on? My palms stretched out along the table in attempt to stop my world from spinning. I darted my vision back to my mom who was looking directly at me. The room was silent. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rachel and Quinn looking silently at the two adults as well.

Rachel was the first one to break the silence. "Mama, what is she doing here?"

My mom's gaze never left mine as she began to speak. "Quinn, I would like you to take Rachel up stairs for me please. Get yourselves ready for bed."

"Mama Lopez -" my best friend had started to protest but my mother cut her off.

"Quinn." She said sharply, still piercing her eyes into my own. I grasped the table harder. Why was she making them leave? Why was Detective White here? What happened? I felt tears sting at my eyes at the thought of all the possibilities but I couldn't move to push them away. I couldn't do anything.

I barely heard my sister's protests as Quinn conceded to my mother's wishes and escorted her from the room, leaving their still full plates on the small kitchen table. Just before Quinn turned the corner she paused and looked over at me. I broke my gaze away from my mom's long enough to see the questioning look Quinn was shooting my direction. I couldn't respond. I couldn't shake my head, or shrug my shoulders. I couldn't even furrow my eyebrows to let my best friend know that I had absolutely no idea what was happening. I looked behind my mother at the detective again as Quinn disappeared from sight. Her face was stoic. I looked at my mother's. Tears were in her eyes, but the look on her face wasn't sadness, or was it? I couldn't tell. What was happening?

My mom's voice lit up the room. "Let's go into the dining room so we can all sit down."

I finally scrunched my eyebrows as I looked down at my plate. I was sitting down. I looked back up and my mom was pointing the detective in the direction of the dining room. When the cop walked away my mother turned back to me silently and nodded her head for me to follow her. I let out a quivering breath as I pushed myself to a standing position. My legs felt like jelly. I felt like I was walking into a trap or something. I didn't like this feeling at all. I had no idea what was about to come, and...I don't like surprises. Not anymore.

I finally willed my legs to move and walked towards the dining room with trepidation. When I turned the corner to enter through the threshold my mother and the detective were already seated at the large wooden table. My mom was seated at the end of the table, and Detective White was to her left around the corner. I felt the anxiety building in my chest. I didn't like this. Not one bit. I felt myself slowly lower down into a chair that was a few away from where my mother and the detective were placed. I wanted a few spaces in between us; I felt like I needed it for some reason.

The room filled with silence as I slid my hands underneath my thighs. If I sat on them maybe they would stop shaking. My mom's nod to the detective caught my eye. I slowly moved my gaze from my mother over to the nicely dressed detective.

Detective White was looking at me calmly with her crystal blue eyes. I watched as she breathed out a heavy breath. Suddenly a small smile filled her face causing me to hold my breath. "We've got him." She said straight to the point.

I continued to stare at her. Did I just hear that right? Was...was she sure? How does she know...? I couldn't bring myself to move or blink, let alone open my mouth to ask all the questions that instantly filled my head. All I could do was stare at her silently.

She breathed again as she broke her focus from me and fidgeted with her pocket. She freed something from it and then set it on the table top and slowly slid it over in my direction. Once she pulled her hand back to her side of the table I was able to see what it was. My driver's license. I didn't bother releasing my hands from under my weight. I didn't want to touch it, so I stared at it instead. It was clean, it was in one piece...it looked like it had been in my wallet and had never been missing in the first place. Only...I know that his stubby hands were all over it. The same hands that he used to...stimulate me. The same hands that were...all over me...in me. The same hands that ran through my baby sister's hair and the same ones that slapped her down to the floor.

I continued to stare at my license silently as the detective's voice carried on. "We caught him a few hours ago. We got a friendly tip. Someone who had seen our news flash called and reported a man that matched the listed description in a bar off of 13th street. We got there and were able to make the arrest right away."

After that I zoned out as I continued to focus on the license. The last time I had seen the laminated piece of plastic, he was shoving it in my face as he held a handful of my hair and threatened me. I could barely hear the detective talk about how getting a search warrant for his house was quick and easy. I vaguely make out my mom asking the detective a few questions that led to the detective explaining that she found my license in a shoebox among other licenses. My mom asked more questions, the detective answered them and I continued to focus on the shiney Ohio state license that was sitting inches away from me now. I barely paid attention as the detective explained to my mom that they already documented the license and didn't need it any more for their investigation. Apparently she was planning on going house to house to give each woman their license back.

I couldn't bear to listen anymore so I focused once again on my own license. It was still so shiney and new. I wonder if they cleaned it off or if they found it this clean? As my mom continued to ask questions and the detective continued to talk I noticed for the first time that I wasn't an organ donor. I furrowed my eyebrows... I specifically remember telling the lady at the DMV that I wanted to be listed as an organ donor, yet... there wasn't any indication of it on my license. I should get that fixed.

Suddenly Detective White's voice seemed to ring louder than it had been the rest of the conversation as she asked, "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

This seemed to finally break me out of my fog. I slowly looked away from my license for the first time since it had been slid in front of me minutes prior. I look up at the detective and open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. It's like I forgot how to speak English. Detective White was waiting patiently on the other side of the table. Her crystal blue eyes were piercing mine as she was finally able to make eye contact with me. I only had one question for her. One question and that was it. It was all I cared about. Nothing else seemed to matter in this moment, but for some reason I felt like if I didn't get the answer to this question before she left my house then I would go insane. I wanted to hear this answer and I wanted Detective White to be the one who I first hear it from.

"What…what is his name?" The words tumble from my mouth. My gaze remains on the cop's.

I watched as Detective White blew out a deep breath and gave me a small sideways smile. Her eyes instantly filled with pity. I hated it. "His name is Guillermo Chavez," she said clearly and concisely.

I felt like someone punched me in the gut as his name left her lips. I nodded my head slowly as my eyes lowered back down to my license. "Guillermo….Chavez." I manage to expel the four syllable name from my lips just above a whisper. I wasn't talking to anyone in particular. I simply had the urge to say his name out loud.

Every time I think about all those awful memories that include him, I haven't ever had a name to call him by. He's simply been: 'him' or 'he' or 'that monster' or…'my rapist'. I stare at the table's wooden surface as I feel my eyes glaze over. I don't even respond to the detective telling me goodbye. I don't move or blink when my mother stands up from the table to let the detective out of our house. I can't do anything; I'm stuck in my head. I know his name now. Guillermo Chavez. Guillermo was the one who dragged me back into the woods that Tuesday night. Guillermo was the reason I have been in so much pain. Guillermo was the one who showed up at my house and threatened my baby sister. Guillermo came back to my house with intentions of assaulting me again. Because of Guillermo Chavez my eight year old sister now knows what rape is. She had to see Guillermo on top of me on her bedroom floor.

I shook my head as my eyes were still trained to the same spot on the table. I couldn't blink, I couldn't move. All this time had gone by and now I have his name. It will be a name I will never forget. And now, he has been caught. He can't come back to my house again. He can't touch me or any of my family ever again. I release a quivering breath. It is over? Two weeks ago, I hadn't even known that this man had existed, and then he forced himself into my life in such a violent way and now he was going to be gone forever? How am I supposed to wrap my mind around that? I was prepared to have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life and now….I won't need to? This feels like a dream. It all feels like a dream. I feel like in a few minutes I'll wake up and it will be the morning of Puck's birthday party and none of this will have happened. It makes no sense. What was the point of this? Why? This awful thing happened…with this awful man…and now he was going to be locked up and I am supposed to what? Move on? Pretend it didn't happen? Get 'better'? I don't understand. Why?

"Santana?" My mom asked finally, snapping me out of my daze.

I looked silently over at my mother, who was now next to me. She pulled her chair next to mine at the dining room table and was now inches away from me. I had an aching in my chest. As I looked at my mom my eyes started to water. Her dark brown eyes continued to look deeply into mine as she waited for me to speak.

"Guillermo Chavez… stole my virginity," As soon as the words left my lips I fell into my mother's embrace and started to sob uncontrollably.

My mother ran her fingers through my hair gently as she held me close and rubbed circles into my back. Through my hysterical sobs I heard her soft voice, "Yes, Santana," she said. "He did." She planted a soft kiss on the top of my head and began rocking me back and forth in a calming motion. "I love you so much," She whispered into my hair making me cling onto her tighter as I continued to cry out all of my emotions.

* * *

Shelby was now standing in front of the island in the kitchen. Her best friend was standing next to her, watching her carefully. After Santana's cries had slowed down earlier she had dismissed herself silently from Shelby's arms and went upstairs. She heard the teen's shower turn on and knew that she would be in there for a while. The sound of the shower turning on made Shelby's chest extremely tight. She had practically run to the kitchen phone to call her best friend. When Ruth's voice rang through the receiver, Shelby completely lost it. She had sobbed into the phone hysterically and told her friend that she needed her as soon as possible. Ruth was already on her way out of the office before Shelby disconnected the call.

Now the two adults were standing in the kitchen as Quinn and Rachel sat at their stools looking up at Shelby with wide eyes, waiting for her to start speaking. The sound of Santana's shower could still be heard faintly from the kitchen.

"Shel?" Ruth's voice encouraged Shelby to snap out of her daze.

Shelby looked at her friend quietly. Her eyes still stung from the tears she had cried moments earlier. She knew that the younger girls could see that she had been crying, as her eyes were still puffy and red. It worried them too much to even speak, which added to Shelby's sadness. Ruth nodded at Shelby again and gave her a small smile, letting her know silently, that she was there for her.

Shelby closed her eyes and breathed in a deep breath. She opened her lids and focused on the two worried girls who sat in front of her. "I know you girls are wondering why Detective White interrupted dinner." She looked at Quinn, "And I know you tried to talk to San when she went up for her shower -"

Quinn nodded her head and cut the older woman off. "She locked the bathroom door and wouldn't answer..." she trailed off then looked down at her hands that were clasped together tightly. "She never locks the door...or she used to not… not until that night..." Quinn murmured quietly, more to herself than anyone else. She remembered last Tuesday night clearly. She remembered how she instantly knew that something wasn't right simply by the fact that her best friend's bathroom door was locked. Now it had happened again. Quinn looked up at Shelby, waiting for her to answer.

"I could hear her crying, Mama. When she was down here with you..." Rachel finally spoke from her seat next to Quinn, her voice was low.

"Yes, boo, she was crying." Shelby said.

"But...why?" When Rachel saw her mom hesitate to answer she shook her head. "I don't like that cop lady..." Rachel looked at Quinn before looking back at her mom. "Every time she talks to sissy, it seems like she makes her cry." Rachel took a big gulp of air before continuing. "Was it...was it something that the cop said?"

Shelby nodded her head as she chewed her lip. "Yes." She looked at Ruth in order to gain some strength and continue this difficult conversation. Her friend nodded her head again. "We got some news." Shelby said vaguely.

Quinn perked her head up at Shelby's last statement. "Bad news?" She asked, her face pleading, hoping beyond hope that there wasn't bad news.

Shelby looked at Quinn and Rachel as the room settled in silence after Quinn's last question. Both of the girls were looking at her with raised eyebrows and pleading eyes. It was such an easy question, but it was difficult all at once.

Ruth cleared her throat instantly when she saw her friend's hesitation. She could see that Shelby needed help. "It was not bad news." She said clearly. Both of the young girl's heads snapped over in her direction.

"What?" Quinn asked, her brows furrowing instantly.

"But...? Sanny was crying? If it was good news...why was she crying?" Rachel asked innocently.

Shelby was finally able to take control of herself. She straightened her back and opened her mouth. "Detective White came over here to tell us that they have caught him."

Quinn felt the wind get knocked out from her lungs. It felt like they were on fire, she wasn't able to pull any oxygen in. She knew exactly who Mama Lopez was referring to. They all did. This news hit her hard. "They...caught him?" She was finally able to ask.

Shelby watched Quinn closely. She gave one simple nod. "Yes. He was arrested earlier tonight on the other side of town."

Quinn nodded her head as she began chewing on her lip. Her eyes drifted downward back to the granite in front of her. Her shoulders felt heavy as she was trying to process this information.

"He was?!" Rachel's voice suddenly shrilled through the somber kitchen. She looked frantically between Quinn, her mom and Woowoo as a big smile spread across her face. "You mean...so... he can't ever hurt us? He can't hurt Sanny again?"

Shelby swallowed the lump that filled her throat from seeing her youngest daughter's excitement. "Right -" Shelby managed to choke out the single word before Rachel cut her off.

"Yes!" She bounced up and down on her chair with pure happiness. "This is so great! This is SO GREAT!" She practically screamed as she thought about how now the bad man was going to be locked up in jail and have to wear those ugly striped outfits and eat nasty food. They eat nasty food in jail right? The eight year old shook the thought from her head. She didn't care. All she cared about was that he wasn't ever going to hurt anyone she loved ever again because he was going to be stuck behind those heavy bars. She looked at her Woowoo with a big smile, but she paused when she noticed that she wasn't smiling back. Rachel instantly furrowed her eyebrows as she looked next to her at Quinn who was silently staring at the island top as she chewed on her lip. The smile from her little face started to fade instantly. "What... why is...why isn't anyone else happy?" She finally looked at her mother who wore a sad look just like everyone else. Rachel focused on her mom's puffy red eyes, which reminded her that she had been crying earlier with Santana too. Any remnants of a smile immediately vanished from her face as dread started to settle in.

Shelby walked around towards her youngest daughter and cupped her chin in her palm. She gave the girl a small smile before releasing her hand from her chin. "We are happy, sweetie."

Rachel looked to her right to see Quinn's somber face. She looked back at her mom. "Quinn looks like someone hurt her dog...and you and Woowoo... you've been crying." The eight year old said matter-of-factly.

Shelby bit her lip as she snuck a quick glance over at Quinn who instantly began sitting up straighter as a result of Rachel's comment. She took Rachel's hand in her own as she focused on the young girl's confused eyes. "Rach, we are all relieved. We are glad that he is in jail and off the streets." Shelby started. "I know that I feel better not needing the police cars outside of our house anymore. I feel better knowing that there isn't a threat to you girls or us. -"

"But?" Rachel interrupted her mom, becoming impatient. "There is a 'but' right?"

Sometimes Shelby hated how smart her eight year old was. She nodded her head. "Yes Rachel, there is. The thing is, while we can now all breathe easier... it doesn't mean that Santana is going to be 100% herself again." She took a deep breath and looked at Ruth then at Quinn before looking back at Rachel. "We are just...nervous for Santana and sad for her because she is going through a lot of emotions right now. It is very confusing for her. So while we are happy, we are also a little sad because this brings everything to a conclusion -"

"But isn't it good that it is all done with now?" Rachel asked innocently.

Shelby chewed the inside of her cheek as she tried to think of a way to explain this to an eight year old. "It is good, yes of course baby, but it isn't completely done. Do you understand what I mean by that?"

Rachel shook her head silently.

Shelby sighed lightly. "It is going to take Santana some time to get back on track. It is going to take her awhile to feel like herself again, even though the bad man was caught."

Silence captured the room for a few seconds before Rachel finally spoke. It was like she had an epiphany. "Oh yea. I knew that..." She looked at her mother. "Sanny told me that what happened to her takes longer to heal than just the boo boos."

Shelby was shocked to hear that coming from her younger daughter. She was shocked that Santana had actually talked to Rachel about it. The entire last couple of seconds was shocking. It took her a minute to gather herself. She finally spoke. "That's right. So... this is one of those things that she was talking about when she said that it is more than just the boo boos that hurt her."

Rachel slowly nodded her head as she tried to make everything make sense in her head. "So it is good but... it is complicated at the same time?"

Shelby gave Rachel a soft smile. "Yes baby, that is right."

* * *

Quinn paused outside of her best friend's closed bedroom door. Somehow it was Saturday afternoon. Where had the week gone? She felt like she was so stuck in her own head that she hadn't even realized how much time had passed. It seemed like her father was screaming at Mama Lopez just a few hours ago... had it really been four days? Quinn shook her head, willing herself to focus on the present. It was 12:30p.m. and Santana still hadn't come out of her room yet. She hadn't seen her best friend since their dinner got cut short by the detective the previous night.

Santana had spent the rest of the night and this morning holed up in her room. Quinn had heard the shower turn on multiple times since dinner the last night, and even had woken up to Santana's loud sobs at one point during the night.

The young blonde stared at the closed door. Her heart physically ached for her person. She hated that she didn't go to Santana's room last night when her sobs had woken her up. She hated that she froze and couldn't think of what to do or say for her best friend. It brought tears to her eyes. She shook her head. She still didn't know what to do or say. She had been standing silently outside of Santana's closed door for at least ten minutes now. No movement could be heard inside the room.

Mama Lopez, Ruth and Rachel were all downstairs at the moment, pretending to watch TV and clean but Quinn couldn't bring herself to pretend anymore. She had an urge to see her best friend. She felt like she had to see her and had to be there for her or else she might implode, yet here she was: frozen, face to face with the white door. Quinn extended her hand towards the door, placing her open palm gently on it. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to collect herself. On the count of three she was going to open the door and walk into the room to see Santana. One. Two... Quinn blew out a long breath as she reached for the doorknob and turned it gently. Three. She opened the door and took a step into her best friend's room.

Quinn took in the scene before her. Santana was still lying in bed. She wore baggy sweat pants and a hoodie and had her still damp hair untamed as she lay on her side facing away from the door. Quinn chewed her lip. Santana was curled up on top of her comforter, with her knees pulled into her chest. The brunette didn't even turn to see who had entered her room.

She walked slowly towards the bed and lowered herself gently onto it. She scooched herself up against her best friend's back, spooning her silently. The blonde laid her arm over her best friend's body wrapping her in a hug. She found Santana's hand and pulled it into her own as she laid her head down. She could feel the wetness on the side of her face from her best friend's damp hair, but it didn't matter. Quinn gave Santana's hand a reassuring squeeze, but no movement was given in return. Nothing was said. They just laid there in silence.

Quinn broke the silence as she stared at the back of her friend's head. "Remember that time when we were babysitting Rachel and she locked us out of the house?" Her voice was quiet, but with the complete silence of the room it felt like she was screaming. Quinn felt a small smile tug on her lips at the memory that randomly entered her head. She continued despite Santana's lack of response. "That was what? Two or three years ago?" Quinn paused again, waiting for Santana to speak. Nothing. Quinn closed her eyes and pulled her friend tighter into her embrace. After a few moments of silence Quinn opened her eyes again. "Now that I think about it...it had to have been two years, we were freshman in high school." She shook her head slightly in attempt to get back on track. "Anyway…. I will never forget your mom's face when she got home. She told us that under no circumstances were we to leave the house before she left…. But then of course the cute next door neighbor was out mowing the grass across the street… so we were gonna bring him Gatorade or something as a way to start a conversation." Quinn's smile spread on her face as she thought about how young and silly they had been. "The second we stepped out of the house we froze on the porch and were going back and forth on who was going to say what and then next thing we both knew the sound of the deadbolt locking could be heard." Quinn let out a short chuckle. "I could have killed Rachel that day if I had the chance. I couldn't believe that she locked us out. Well…." The blonde paused as she rethought her last statement. She shook her head into the pillow it rested on. "It is totally a Rachel thing to do. Remember how she yelled through the door, 'Mama said not to leave the house! Now she is going to know you broke the rules!'?" She laughed. "If only we had that turtle shell hide-a-key back then huh? That would have been SO much easier than what we tried."

Quinn squeezed her friend's hand again. Still no response back. If Santana's body wasn't making her arm rise and fall with each breath she would have thought the girl was dead. Her silence was making the aching in Quinn's chest intensify. She forced herself to think back to the memory again, which helped calm her nerves. She smiled again. "Remember how hard we tried to convince Rachel to let us back in the house? I think she left halfway into our begging to go watch one of her musicals. Then we resorted to trying to break into the house with one of your bobby pins…like in the movies." She rolled her eyes at the thought of how dumb they had been. "That was a fail. So of course our genius selves thought that it would be a great idea to check and see if I left my upstairs bedroom window unlocked, for some random reason."

The blonde smiled as she leaned her forehead forward, making contact with the back of Santana's head. "I mean we both know that if we wanna sneak out…my bedroom window is the one to use…the way the roof comes up and meets it… it is like whoever designed the house was like 'let's give the kids who live here an escape route.'" She chuckled to herself as she brought her head away from Santana's again. She focused her eyes on the damp hair that was inches from her face. "We've sat out on that roof so many times over the years…I've lost count. I love looking at the stars at night...it is a great place to think…." Quinn trailed off. Suddenly she was lost in the countless memories she had of the two of them sitting on the roof stargazing and talking about nothing and everything as Mama Lopez thought they were tucked away in bed for the night.

She took a deep breath and shook her head again to refocus on the story she was recounting. "Anyway…your mom was less than thrilled to pull into the driveway and find the two of us on the roof attempting to break into my bedroom window." Quinn let out a short burst of laughter. "The look on her face…. Oh man. Remember?" Quinn paused. As she waited for her best friend to finally respond the smile slowly faded from her face until it was nonexistent. Was Santana asleep? Maybe that was why she wasn't responding. Quinn sighed and squeezed her best friend in a hug one more time. Again, there was no movement from the brunette. Santana was sleeping? Was she hearing anything that Quinn was saying? Quinn sighed. Regardless she felt like she had to finish the story. She felt like she had to talk about the times when they were both younger and silly in order to keep her mind from the fact that her best friend hadn't left her bed but only to shower the past day because of the news she had received. Santana's rapist was finally caught. Quinn's thoughts slowed down. Santana had a rapist…

The blonde shook her head, she couldn't think about that right now. She slowly opened her mouth again, her voice was quieter now. "I know I didn't wanna get off the roof that day….Mama Lopez was SO livid. We both thought that we would just stay up there on the roof for the rest of our lives. We figured it would be better than facing your mother's wrath..." Quinn smiled slightly as she stared at the back of Santana's head. "And we probably woulda been right…because she CHEWED our asses out that day. Gotta love that sister of yours." The smile faded again from Quinn's face as she sighed heavily. "I have no idea why I just thought of that..." she trailed off.

After a few beats of silence Quinn snuggled closer into her best friend again. She closed her eyes as she began to speak. "I'm glad you are my person, San. You never judge me, you always laugh along right with me. It is like our brains work the same way. You always seem to be able to read mine. You know exactly what to say and if you don't it doesn't matter because simply having you there is always enough." Quinn paused as she licked her upper lip, her eyes still closed as she continued to cuddle into her friend. She knew that Santana wasn't awake, or listening... but she couldn't keep all of this in so she spoke to the sleeping girl quietly. "I honestly don't know where I would be in my life without you. I don't know what my life would be without you in it. I just… I wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you've ever done for me over the years. And I also wanted to make sure you knew that I will always be here. No matter what. Always."

The blonde closed her mouth and took a few deep breaths, trying to not let her emotions get the best of her as she lay with her best friend. She hated that Santana was sleeping for all of this, but was at least grateful that her best friend seemed peaceful. As if on cue, Santana squeezed Quinn's hand. Finally getting a response from her friend caused Quinn to snap her eyes open. She lifted her head from the pillow and looked at her friend. Santana hadn't been asleep this whole time, like she had thought. She had heard everything. The brunette squeezing her hand had been the only way she was able to let Quinn know that she was there and was listening. Quinn felt a small smile tug on her lips. She felt relieved to get a response from Santana, no matter how miniscule it was. At least it was something. At least Santana knew that she was there, and that she always would be. Quinn laid her head back down on the pillow and snuggled her face into the back of Santana's neck, ignoring the damp hair that fell onto her face. The blonde closed her eyes and took in a deep breath as she squeezed Santana's hand in return.

"Always," Quinn reiterated again, mumbling into her person's neck. Silence encompassed the room as the two teenagers continued to lay with each other for a few more minutes before Quinn gently removed herself from Santana's bed and exited her room silently.

* * *

Ruth walked slowly into Santana's silent room. She paused in the doorway as she looked at her goddaughter lying on her bed. The brunette was curled in a ball on her side facing away from the door, Ruth couldn't even see if she was awake or not. It was 3p.m. and Santana still hadn't emerged from her room the whole day, not even to eat. The older woman let out a heavy breath as she grasped the plate and cup of juice in her hands tightly and started to approach the bed. She walked around the other side so that she could look at Santana's face.

Once she rounded the corner of the teenager's bed she saw that Santana was indeed awake. Ruth gave the young girl a smile, but her smile instantly faltered when Santana didn't even acknowledge it. Ruth watched Santana silently as she paused in her steps. The teenager had her hands tucked underneath her head, like a young sleeping child, and had her knees pulled in towards her chest. Her eyes were wide open but glazed over as she stared at the wall. Ruth looked at the wall Santana was staring at; it was blank, causing Ruth to sigh heavily. Santana wasn't really in this room right now. Sure, her body was here. Yes she was still breathing. But her mind wasn't here.

Ruth continued to walk towards the nightstand that stood on the side of Santana's bed. She set down the plate and glass on it and then pulled Santana's desk chair over to the side of her bed, sitting directly in front of the young girl. Minutes passed as the two of them just remained silent; Ruth stared at Santana as Santana stared past her at the wall.

Ruth finally broke the silence. "I brought you a turkey sandwich. I put extra mayo on it, just like you like it." Ruth let out a gentle short laugh. "You gotta know how much I love ya kiddo. Putting that mayonnaise on that sandwich..." Ruth trailed off as she shook her head and shivered at the thought. "I don't know how anyone eats that nasty stuff. It is basically pure lard." Ruth smiled down at her god daughter, waiting for Santana to spit back something about how she was the crazy one for not liking mayonnaise. Or how mayo made everything better. They have had this play fight too many times to count over the years. It always ended in a lot of laughter. Ruth's smile instantly faded from her face as she realized that Santana wasn't going to say anything back this time.

Ruth looked longingly at the young brunette and tried to read the young girl's face. She couldn't figure out what was running through Santana's mind. It was killing her to see her like this. It was like Santana was just a shell, an unresponsive silent shell.

She gently extended her hand out and combed her fingers through Santana's hair, moving some of it away from her face. Santana didn't flinch or move from the sudden touch, which normally Ruth would be ecstatic about; however, Ruth couldn't help but wish that she had. At least it would have been something. At least if Santana flinched away from the unexpected touch then Ruth would have known that Santana realized she was in the room with her and was talking to her. Santana didn't even blink.

As Ruth tucked the last stray strand of hair behind Santana's ear she sighed and returned her hand to her lap as she continued to look lovingly at the teenager. "I do love you Santana. I love you so much." Santana continued to zone out at the wall, not giving any sort of response to Ruth. It made Ruth wonder if the girl was even hearing anything she was saying. She chewed on her lip. It was like she was talking to a baby, only worse because at least babies stare at you while you talk. Ruth shook her head silently. She hated this. She hated that the shell of a person lying in front of her was her typically loud, spunky, feisty goddaughter.

Ruth chewed on the inside of her cheek nervously. She didn't know what to say, and she hated that too. Suddenly her mouth opened and she began speaking. "I remember the first time that you and I spent time together, just the two of us." A small smile spread across her lips as she thought about the memory. "You were probably a month old, not even, and I offered to watch you so that your mom and dad could go out on a real date. One without a screaming pukey baby." Ruth's smile grew larger and she looked past Santana, as she remembered how hard it was to convince Shelby that the two of them would be fine on their own. Ruth's smile started to fade as she remembered how the panic had instantly set in as soon as the front door had closed behind her two friends. Once her brain had registered that she was alone with the baby she felt the panic start to spread through her body like a wild fire.

Ruth looked back at Santana, who continued to numbly stare at the wall unresponsively. She decided to continue talking anyway. "I was terrified. I didn't want to mess you up. I was scared that I would put on your diaper wrong and it would give you a rash... or that I wouldn't support your head well enough every time I picked you up or moved you and that you would get brain damage." Ruth looked down at her hands as she remembered all the things she was so nervous about that night. "I was scared that your bottle was too hot, but then wasn't sure if it was warm enough..." She shook her head. "I didn't want to walk around as I held you because I kept having this image of me tripping and falling and squishing you underneath me." Ruth let out a short sarcastic laugh. "I was in my last year of medical school and yet there I was...googling things on my laptop like a dummy because I wanted to make sure I did everything right." She shook her head again as she looked back at Santana. She was talking to her like she was an active participant in the conversation, even though she wasn't even sure if the teenager was really listening. It was all she knew to do in this moment. She continued. "Everyone thinks that doctors are these super genius people who know everything." She laughed at herself. "And while yes, we are freakishly smart..." her smile faded as she shook her head. "I had never felt so stupid. It was one of the first times in my life that I felt like I had NO idea what ANY of the answers were...and yet there you were, staring up at me with those big beautiful eyes making the most adorable happy gurgle noises I had ever heard." Ruth felt a smile spread across her lips at the memory of the infant in her arms. She looked at Santana and could hardly believe that that little baby had grown up so fast into such a beautiful young woman. She looked at Santana's glazed over eyes intently. "I had to google because I couldn't chance being wrong. Not with you. You were so new, and perfect. I didn't want to mess you up. I didn't want anything bad to happen to you..."

Ruth trailed off as she admitted this out loud. She sighed heavily and felt her shoulders drop as all the reality set in. She shook her head at herself. "But...then you got your first cold, and then you went through a period of really bad ear infections, and then you broke your arm, and then that stupid little kindergartener broke your heart on valentine's day, and then that little bimbo crushed your world and told you that Santa Clause was a lie in first grade..." Ruth trailed off as her heart ached heavily at her next thought. She lowered her voice slightly, "Then your father passed away..." Ruth shook her head as she looked down at her own hands as she remembered how devastated they all had been at his sudden death. The one thing she will never forget is how hard it was on Santana. She shook her head in attempt to get the image of the crying eight year old from her mind. Ruth looked up at Santana sadly. "And now you were..." Ruth shook her head as she licked her upper lip gently willing the tears in her eyes not to fall. "You were raped." She couldn't help the sob that escaped her mouth as she finished her sentence. She quickly brushed away the few tears that slipped down her cheeks. She watched Santana as she squeezed her eyes closed in response to Ruth's last sentence. Ruth let out a heavy breath as she realized that Santana was listening to everything she was saying.

Ruth reached out again and combed her fingers through Santana's thick dark hair as the teenager continued to lie in silence, now with her eyes squeezed tightly closed. She gave a small sigh before continuing to her point of the conversation. "I know that I can't protect you from the bad things... which...is unfair...and it sucks..." She released her hand from Santana's hair and cupped the young girl's chin tenderly in her palm as she continued. "But... I'm always going to be here. No matter what. I'm always going to love you, and I'm always going to fight for you because you are my goddaughter and I love you so much that words can't even begin to describe."

Once she was done talking, Ruth brought her hand back to her own lap. She sat a few more moments in the silence of the room as she studied her goddaughter. Santana slowly opened her eyes again. She went back to staring at the same spot on the wall that she was staring at previously, only this time a few tears clouded her eyes. She remained unmoving in the curled position on her bed. The same position she was in when Ruth had first entered. Ruth chewed on her lip at Santana's silence as she finished wiping the few tears that managed to escape her eyes away for good. The older woman nodded and slowly stood from her chair.

She looked over at the plate she had brought up for Santana and then turned her head to look back at the silent shell of a girl. "I hope you take at least a few bites of that sandwich. You really should eat something..." Ruth trailed off in hopes for any type of response from her goddaughter. When she didn't get one, Ruth sighed heavily and slowly bent down planting a kiss on Santana's forehead. The young girl didn't move at all, it tugged at Ruth's heart. She gave Santana a small smile and breathed, "I love you," one more time before exiting the room.

* * *

As soon as Ruth entered Shelby's room, the mother stood up quickly from her bed. She didn't waste a second. "How is she?" She asked just as Ruth pulled her bedroom door closed behind her.

Ruth looked at the anxious look that covered her friend's face. She hated that she had to do this to her. She was hoping that Santana would at least speak, or eat or even nod her head but it was like she was just numbly laying there trying her best to escape the world around her. It hurt Ruth's heart to see it, and now she had to tell her best friend, Santana's mother, about it, which was going to hurt just as badly.

Ruth sighed heavily as she walked up to Shelby's bed and sat down on the side of it. She patted on the mattress next to her to signal her friend to take a seat. Shelby's face fell at the movement, her face was frozen. Ruth gently reached up and guided her friend to a seated position next to her on the bed.

Shelby knew this wasn't going to be good news. She could tell by the somber demeanor of her friend the second she walked through the door, yet somehow she had managed to stay hopeful. However, Ruth asking her to sit down clarified that there wasn't any reason to have hope. Shelby studied her friend's eyes as silence encased the room.

Ruth finally took a deep breath. "Santana is the same as when Quinn went in there..." She squeezed her friend's hand and continued. "She is just lying in her bed. I left the sandwich and drink on her nightstand. Hopefully she'll eat them now that she is alone."

Shelby nodded her head slowly. "Did...did she say anything?" Her eyebrows rose hopefully.

Ruth sighed heavily. "No. She didn't."

Shelby let out a loud frustrated sigh. "What am I -"

The noise of the upstairs shower starting cut Shelby off mid thought. Both she and Ruth looked up towards the ceiling as the sound of running water cascaded around them. It was Santana's shower. She was taking a shower... again.

Shelby closed her eyes and willed herself not to curl up in a ball and cry. She shook her head and refocused on her best friend. "What am I supposed to do now?" She ran her fingers through her hair haphazardly, before pointing up to the ceiling where she knew on the other side her daughter was standing in the shower. "She clearly needs therapy, Ruth."

Ruth chewed her lip before nodding her head. "I agree."

Shelby shook her head. "But am I really supposed to make her? Is that really what is best for her? You know Santana...if she doesn't want to do something she won't do it."

The other woman nodded her head as she thought about her goddaughter. Santana had always been stubborn; it was part of her character. She knew exactly what Shelby was referring to. "You can bring her to the therapist's office...and physically she'll be there but..." Ruth trailed off as she shook her head. "Yea... she'll sit there like a rock and nothing with be accomplished."

"Exactly... so...now what?"

Ruth hated that she didn't have a solid answer for her friend. She always had something to say to her, but in this instance... she knew her words couldn't heal the hurt they were all feeling. She had no idea what to say or what to do. She had never thought in a million years that something like this would be happening to her loved ones. "I don't know Shel.. maybe...maybe you just have to sleep on it some more?" It was the best answer she could give at the moment.

Shelby shook her head as frustration consumed her, "and in the meantime what? Just let her hole up in her room and not eat and refuse to leave her bed?"

Ruth squeezed her friend's hand as she saw that she was starting to get angry at herself. She couldn't let Shelby go there. None of this was her fault. "No...absolutely not...I definitely think that you should get her down here for dinner at least..." She trailed off as she chewed her lip. "It is okay not to have all of the answers right now. Everything is new to you too." She shook her head. "I wouldn't bombard her with the topic of therapy again just yet...not this fresh after the news of his capture." Ruth sighed. Ever since she had found out about Santana's attack she had wanted nothing more but to see that asshole behind bars. She wanted him caught and thrown in jail and forgotten about that way they could all start to move forward. She shook her head at herself. She had wanted all of this, and now it was happening but the problem was: she didn't realize how difficult it was going to be. Yes theoretically they should all be ecstatic that he was caught, and to a certain extent they all were... but it wasn't as easy as that. Seeing Santana the way she was had been a perfect example of it. She shook her head again as she refocused on her best friend. "I don't know. I'm sorry. I really want to help -"

Shelby cut off her friend. "I know you do…and you are. You have no idea how happy I am that you are here right now. I don't know what I would be without you." It was the truth. If Shelby was alone right now she honestly couldn't imagine being able to function properly for her kids. Ruth kept her in check while simultaneously giving her the chance to unravel.

Ruth felt the same way. She would feel like a lone feather floating in the wind if she didn't have Shelby and her daughters to hold her down. She chewed on her lip. "Maybe just... sleep on it one more night. I'll sleep on it...and maybe tomorrow morning between the two of us we will have a few ideas as to what to do next." She sighed. "It is all we can do Shel."

Shelby looked into her friend's eyes silently for a few beats. She slowly lowered her head. "Okay... alright..." She knew her friend was right. She just hated not having the answers that her daughters needed. She looked up at her best friend again with a sigh. "I just feel like right now I should be doing something. Anything."

Ruth twitched her mouth. She understood Shelby needed something to do, it made sense. Shelby liked to stay busy. They were the same in that way. Staying busy meant keeping their mind occupied. If their mind was occupied then it would cut the chances of falling into a mental breakdown. She looked at Shelby tenderly. "You wanted to talk to Quinn didn't you?"

Shelby frowned. "Yea...I did..." She trailed off. "But is now...is now a good time for that?"

Ruth shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe now is a good time...while you have the time." Ruth pointed towards the closed bedroom door. "She and Rachel are making penguins out of empty two liter soda bottles for some project boo has to do for school. They were almost done with it when I was on my way in here after seeing San..." She trailed off at the thought of the catatonic teenager again. Ruth shook her head in attempt to get her brain to focus. She cleared her throat. "I could go help Rachel finish them up while you talk to Quinn? If you want?"

Shelby slowly pushed off of the bed into a standing position. She smoothed out her shirt. "Yea...I guess I should..." She looked at the door. Her friend was right. She had to keep moving or else she felt like her brain was going to turn to mush. She did want to finish her talk with Quinn. She wanted to check in with the young blonde. No now wasn't the ideal time... but whenever was? No time was ever a good time. Something always came up, and she couldn't put Quinn on the back burner simply because she was too focused on something else. It wasn't fair to the young blonde. Shelby looked at her friend and gave her a nod.

Ruth stood up next to her friend and pulled her into a quick hug, giving her a kiss on her cheek before pulling away. "We are all going to be okay." Ruth said firmly. She couldn't predict the future, she didn't know what it held for them but she knew that they would all stick together and that she would fight tooth and nail to make everything better for all of them. She loved this family like it was her own and she would do anything to help protect it from any more harm.

Shelby nodded her head and began walking towards her bedroom door with Ruth at her side.

* * *

I stepped out of the shower again and walked over to my bed. I sat down in front of my TV and pulled the towel from my hair. I had spent the entire day lying in my bed, lost in my brain. I couldn't bring myself to participate in any conversation Quinn or Ruth had offered up. My brain was too focused on everything else. Guillermo Chavez. He was locked up. He is in police custody yet I can't bring myself to be happy about it. It all didn't seem real. Sure, I was relieved that he was off the streets, that he couldn't ever come near my family or me again... but how was I supposed to be happy? In all those _Law and Order _episodes it always shows the family happy and excited when the cops tell them that their perpetrator was caught. Why couldn't I feel the same way? Why was I so weird? What was wrong with me?

I shook my head and numbly clicked on the TV. I held my damp towel in one hand as I flicked through the channels trying to find something that I could at least pretend to care about. Nothing was grabbing my interest. I pressed the button one more time and the news room filled my screen again. As the man began to speak I couldn't help but roll my eyes at my horrid luck. Perfect timing. The man's voice filled my room.

_A man classified as a serial rapist and sexual predator is in police custody in Lima. Authorities say this one man can be connected to at least three separate rape cases and that he preyed on young females who were alone outside after dark. His youngest known victim is 16-years-old._

_Lima Police have charged one man, 27-year-old Guillermo Chavez, with 13 felony counts - three counts of first degree rape, one count of first degree sexual abuse, one count of first degree attempted sexual assault two counts of third degree aggravated assault, three counts of oral copulation by threat to retaliate, one count of first degree breaking and entering, two counts of first degree burglary and additional probation violations._

_Investigators say Chavez is responsible for at least three separate rape cases within the Lima city limits. Chavez surprised and threatened his unsuspecting victims with a knife and forced them to secluded locations in the areas. Chavez proceeded to attack the victims, and then stole their identification after the attack with a threat of more violence if the events were reported. _

_There was reluctance on behalf of the victims to come forward to law enforcement and report the attacks. The victims all feared his return because of his extensive threats and their stolen identification. Detectives believe that there are possibly more victims and are trying to reach out to those possible victims. If you or someone you know have any more information about this case please contact the Lima Police._

This had been the third time that I've seen this news clip. Every time I had tried to turn on my TV it seemed to be the only thing that was airing. I shook my head. Third time's the charm. Seeing his mugshot hadn't completely knocked me off of my feet this time. This time as the newscaster spoke, I was able to concentrate on Guillermo Chavez's picture. This time I was able to keep my eyes open. He looked...mad, but maybe there was a little bit of fear in his eyes too? I couldn't be too sure. I hadn't ever seen fear in his eyes before. I clicked the remote button and turned off my TV. Long after the television screen was dark...his image seemed to burn through. Seeing Guillermo Chavez holding up his card...seeing his mug shot this third time really made reality seem to sink in. He was gone. Right now, as I sit on my bed staring at my TV screen...he is in some holding cell staring at the cast iron bars, where he belongs. He isn't out front of my house anymore; he isn't watching my every move; he isn't hurting anyone.

I tried to do a self-evaluation to sort through and figure out what emotions I was feeling right now...but I couldn't figure it out. I felt like I was feeling everything still...but maybe a little lighter version of it? If that makes sense. My head and heart still felt full...but it was a little easier to breathe... I shook my head at myself. "Your thoughts don't even make sense," I chastised myself.

I gave a heavy sigh as I looked down at my hands. The bruises he left on my wrists were practically gone. I studied them for a moment as more time passed. What was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to feel? I looked up at my dark TV screen as I chewed my lip silently.

What was next?

* * *

Quinn sat nervously on the chair in the office as Shelby closed the glass doors. Shelby had interrupted her and Rachel's craft time with a simple 'follow me' command. Quinn felt like her hands were shaking. There was so much that this could be about... none of which she wanted to talk about. When Shelby turned around to smile at her with her calming smile, it only made Quinn's nerves even more jumpy. She couldn't help it.

Shelby could feel the tension in the room. She could see the young blonde attempting and failing to hide her nervous body language. Shelby pulled the other chair in the office around from the desk and placed it directly in front of Quinn. She sat down in it and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. The awkward silence was getting too much, even for her.

Shelby smiled at Quinn. "How are you doing?"

Quinn didn't answer right away because she didn't know what that question meant. She didn't know what its purpose was and even if it was as simple as what it was asking, she didn't know the answer to it. Not really. Her best friend was a catatonic bump on the log in her room, she had spent the day putting away the random knick knacks her mother had dumped on her, she was no longer allowed in her parent's house, she had been avoiding Ruth at all costs: too embarrassed to look her in the eyes after what she knew the adult had seen, and seeing Rachel so sad and broken was killing her too. There was too much on her plate right now to answer that simple question honestly with just a few words.

"I'm..." Quinn trailed off trying to think of what to say. "Fine." She said with a shrug of her shoulders.

Shelby nodded her head as she chewed her lip. "Yea... me too." She gave a heavy sigh as she met the teenager's eyes. "Just fine..." She replied quietly. She felt tears in her eyes so she looked down at the carpeted floor so that she could gain control of herself. She refused to cry in front of the young girl sitting in front of her.

Quinn watched as Shelby tried her hardest to keep herself composed. She didn't know what to say, or if she should even say anything at all. So they sat in silence for a while. Suddenly Quinn had an urge to say something. She couldn't stand the awkward silence any longer. "I am glad that he was caught. I'm glad that he is going to be in jail where he belongs. I really am." She blurted out.

Shelby lifted her gaze to meet Quinn's. Her brows furrowed. "I know you are sweetie. No one said that you weren't. Where is this coming from?"

Quinn chewed on her lip as she looked at the bookshelf next to her. "I just... I don't want you or Ruth to think that I'm not happy about this."

"Of course you are happy about this Quinn. Why would you think that we would think anything less?"

"I..." She looked at the older woman sitting in front of her, who was studying her carefully. "Mama Lopez... I just feel horrible for not celebrating the way that Rachel was. I mean... this was great news but all I wanted to do was cry. What is wrong with me?"

"No..." Shelby shook her head and reached out grabbing Quinn's hand. "Sweetie nothing is wrong with you. We are all feeling that way." Shelby shook her head again and sighed. "I know I am feeling confused about it." She paused when Quinn's eyes filled with relief that she wasn't the only one. "It is difficult because, now that he has been caught we put a pressure on ourselves. We think that we should all be better. We assume that now that the threat is taken away... that we are supposed to go back to normal. But like I said earlier, Quinn, things won't go back to 'normal'...at least not the 'normal' we were used to before any of this happened."

Quinn let out a slow breath. "Okay..."

Shelby smiled at the girl and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I know you love Santana, just like this family loves you. None of us would ever question that okay?"

The blonde nodded her head. "Kay."

Shelby nodded her head. "Okay." She said again. She smiled gently at Quinn and took a deep breath. "Now that we got that out of the way... there is something else I wanted to finish discussing with you."

Quinn felt herself instantly deflate. Shit. She raised her eyebrows at Mama Lopez, waiting for the older woman to continue.

Shelby licked her upper lip as she thought about how she wanted to phrase this. Talking to teenagers about sex was complicated, even more so now since everything has happened. Especially knowing that the young beautiful girl in front of her had already been with multiple partners. She couldn't help but feel that this was too late, but it was necessary regardless. If Quinn got into any type of trouble with this because she didn't find the time or work up the courage to discuss it with her than it would kill Shelby. It was something she had to do, for Quinn's sake.

Shelby decided the best way to dive into this conversation would be to rip off the Band Aid. She gave Quinn's hand a small squeeze. "Last week we started talking about sex." She watched as Quinn's face instantly fell, but she continued before the teen could cut her off. "You told me that you were planning on being with someone the night of the party. You also told me that you have had multiple partners already." Quinn's face scrunched together at how that last part was phrased. Shelby sighed. "I wanted to finish this conversation."

Quinn quickly shook her head as she pulled her hand from Shelby's. "I don't really think it is necessary..." The blonde squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.

Shelby nodded her head. "It is."

"But I -"

Shelby cut Quinn off with a shake of her head. "Quinn, I just wanted to say that in the future... whenever you are thinking about having sex again -"

Quinn stood up from her chair quickly cutting off the older woman. "Mama Lopez, I -"

Shelby reached out and grabbed the younger girl's hand. "Quinn..." She gave the girl a sad smile. "I know this is awkward for you, hunny. It is not easy for me either okay? I just want you to hear me out. Please sit..."

Quinn looked into Shelby's eyes and paused. This sucked. She couldn't get out of it. The woman's eyes were filled with such a love that she couldn't possibly say no to them. Even though the thought of it made her nauseous, Quinn felt herself nod her head and slowly lower back down to her chair. She looked back over at the bookshelf so that she didn't have to look into Mama Lopez's eyes.

Shelby cleared her throat and began again, looking directly at the teenager's face who, in return, was doing everything in her power to avoid her gaze. "The next time...when you plan on having sex with a boy in the future...I hope..." Shelby shook her head and corrected herself. "I want you to come talk to me first okay?"

Quinn couldn't help but roll her eyes. She looked down at her lap. "I know about condoms..."

Shelby sighed. She hated that she knew so much about condoms. She hated that Quinn was having so much sex at her young age so carelessly with so many guys. But most of all Shelby hated that she didn't see the signs of Quinn's promiscuous behavior. Shelby knew that deep down the reason Quinn had turned to that behavior was because of the crap she was putting up with at home. It should have been something that Shelby predicted and watched out for, but for some reason she was so oblivious to it all. Shelby licked her lip as she thought of how she wanted to phrase this to the young teenager. "I know you do...I...I am glad that you were being safe with your previous partners...I just...I understand that since you've already had sex, you'll more than likely continue to have it -"

Quinn shook her head and cut off Mama Lopez. She was wrong. Quinn didn't want to have sex anymore... not since what happened to Santana. "No I -"

Shelby put up her finger immediately silencing Quinn and continued speaking. "I wish you would wait until you are older but I'm not dumb, I understand how that works." Shelby paused. She knew that once kids started having sex they rarely ever stopped. She was being realistic with herself. Quinn might say in this very moment that she won't but what if the opportunity presents itself in the next future months? Shelby wanted to make sure that Quinn really listened to what she had to say in case that happened. She continued. "I just really want you to come talk to me if you think you are ready to take that step with anyone else in the future. I know it seems silly to you and seems redundant and embarrassing, but it is important to me okay?"

Quinn looked at Shelby as she waited with raised eyebrows for her to answer. She felt so uncomfortable and exposed, it was humiliating. The blonde finally was able to make her head nod, signifying to the older woman that she had heard what she had just said.

Shelby continued. "There won't be any judgment. None, whatsoever. I just want to be able to check in with you before you make that choice...because I want to know that you are prepared, safe and know that you are loved."

Silence enveloped the room again. Quinn could hardly stand it. "Are we done?" She asked simply, trying her hardest to make sure that the question didn't come out rude or condescending in anyway.

Shelby smiled softly at Quinn. "Yes, we are done." She said with a nod of her head as she stood up from her chair. She looked at Quinn who remained seated in hers. She could tell by the look on the girl's face that she felt embarrassed and ashamed. Shelby sighed. That wasn't her purpose in that conversation. She didn't want Quinn to regret her history as it was in the past. There was nothing either of them could do about it. She just wanted to make sure that in the future she knew she could come talk to her whenever the timing felt right for her to partake in those...activities again. She wanted to make sure that Quinn knew she was worth more than that.

Shelby extended her hand out for Quinn to grab. The teen hesitated but obliged. Shelby pulled her to her feet. "Why don't you go finish up that penguin project with Rach while I start making dinner? I'm going to set the dining room table for us all to sit at -"

Quinn gave Shelby a weird look. "But it isn't Sunday?"

Shelby let out a small chuckle. "Sunday doesn't have to be the only day we use that table." She laughed again and watched as a small smile found its way to Quinn's face. "I figured since all of us are here we might as well sit at a real table."

Quinn's smile faded. "Do you think she'll come out for dinner?"

Shelby's smile faded as well. She knew Quinn was talking about Santana. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know if she'll want to or not... but I can't let her just lay in bed for an entire day. I need her to join us at the dinner table at least."

Quinn nodded her head in response thankful for Mama Lopez's honest answer. She chewed her lip. "Do you need help making dinner?"

"No, sweetie. Just...you finish up with Rachel. I have Ruth to help me out. Whenever you girls are done in there just come hang out with us in the kitchen okay?"

"Okay," Quinn replied as she followed Shelby down the hallway. Cleaning up from craft time seemed like an easy enough task to focus on. Quinn watched as Shelby turned into the kitchen to start preparing for dinner. The blonde continued walking to find Rachel and get everything cleaned up. Before she entered the living room Quinn forced a smile on her face in order to avoid Rachel asking any questions. All she had to do was finish cleaning up then it would be dinner time and then it would be bedtime. One foot in front of the other.

* * *

I slowly walked into the kitchen. Quinn was sitting at the island with my sister sitting on her lap as she braided her dark hair. My godmother was leaned up against the island across from them, saying something to my little sister that made Rachel's wonderful laugh echo through the room. My mom was standing next to Ruth smiling at them all as she held her glass of water. She looked up at me as I made my way further into the room.

I stopped walking and stood a few feet away from the stool I usually sat at by the island. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but I kept mine trained on my mother's. The room fell silent. They were all shocked into silence that I had emerged from my room on my own. The past few weeks... I've felt like I have been to hell and back. Everything felt like it crumbled down on top of me. I've been in pain, been scared, and felt helpless. I've been exposed, torn apart, poked and prodded. I felt like everything I did was the wrong thing to do. I let what...he did to me...change my way of thinking; change me. As I stare into my mother's strong beautiful eyes...I'm realizing for the first time, that I don't want to let him change me. I know I am different. I never will be the same girl I was before that Tuesday night, but for the first time since that awful night I want to start fighting to be me. The new me. Now that he is arrested I can stop looking over my shoulder. I can start looking ahead of me. What lays ahead of me are the people that I love most, all gathered together in one room...all of them have been there for me through this entire ordeal and now I want to be here with them. I am deciding, right here and right now, as I stare into my mother's eyes, not to let Guillermo Chavez ruin any more of my life. I want to be in control of me.

I finally open my mouth as I watch my mom's smile slowly fade from her face, "Ma?"

"Yes, baby?" I watch her quickly set down her glass of water and make her way around the island to stand in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Rachel and Quinn both staring at me silently from Quinn's stool. I can see Ruth slowly standing up straight from leaning on the island as she too silently waited for me to speak.

My eyes continue to focus on my mother. "I think..." My voice comes out shaky. I shake my head and clear my voice to make it stronger, "I think that maybe..." My eyes bounce back and forth between my mother's as hers are trained to mine. "Maybe it is a good time for me..." I briefly look at my baby sister, my best friend and my godmother before I look back at my mom and correct myself, "for us...to go see that therapist that you were talking about." I take a deep breath, "I want to see a therapist now." I nod my head to let my mom know that I was finished speaking.

The next thing I knew, I was being held in a totally cheesy, yet incredibly safe and satisfying group hug by all of the people that I loved most. I released a quivering breath and closed my eyes as I rested my head onto my mother's shoulder. I could feel my little sister's head buried into my side, felt the familiar tickles as my godmother rubbed my back soothingly, and could feel the strong grip of my best friend around my waist.

My mom's voice rang softly into my ear, "I think that is a wonderful idea." She released a slow breath, "I am so proud of you Santana Maree." She planted a small kiss on the top of my head.

As I was surrounded by my family, I let myself fall deeper into their hugs. Guillermo Chavez might have been the man who stole my virginity, but I refuse to let him steal anything else from me. He can't have my time. He can't have my emotions. He can't have my family. He can't have my future. That belonged to me. I still feel frozen. I don't know how to move forward, but for the first time, more than anything, I wanted to and I was ready.

For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of hope. I knew that this was still going to be hard, that things weren't going to magically get better overnight, but in this moment I felt like maybe my life wasn't over. In this moment, I was refusing to let him win. I am surviving. Not because he let me live, but because I chose to. With my family's supportive arms wrapped around me, I finally let myself smile. I gave into that moment and gave up on him.

…...

**FIN!**

**A/N: Thank you ALL: every reader, follower, favorite-r and commenter. This journey has come to an end. I hope you all are satisfied with the ending. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**  
**Life after this type of trauma doesn't get wrapped up with a neat little bow so I wanted to kind of show that by ending on this note. Santana agreeing to therapy...and actually WANTING to move forward is an unfathomably big step. Her life, along with her family's lives, after something this traumatic will consist of steps. She won't wake up one day and find herself "healed". After a few therapy sessions she won't feel "whole again". She won't ever forget about it. It will just eventually start to hurt less and less and with help and support she will find a way to mold it into her life and learn to live WITH it. From the very beginning of this story, I was never intending on ending with a "happily ever after" because...well...that's not life and it wouldn't be realistic to the type of trauma these girls have been put through. I do hope you all enjoyed this story fully and I hope you got something from it. The purpose was to show that life doesn't stop just because one bad thing happens. The next day still comes and you are expected to be a part of it no matter what.**

**With that being said... (sorry this is the longest A/N EVER) I am in the process of working on a SEQUELish type fic. It might take a little while to get it all pulled together and get the first chapter posted... (darn your college and work.) but keep your eyes peeled for a new story by yours truly (that is: if you liked this one of course!) Just a little something to wet your whistles: The next story will take place 6 or 7 months in the future, and will have a shift in focus. It will have all of the same characters that you've grown to know and love (hopefully!) however, it will be more Quinn-centric. It will be focusing on how Quinn is carrying on with life under the Lopez roof and will mainly follow Quinn and a certain struggle she will be dealing with, or not dealing with.**

**So stay tuned! I do hope you all do! The link to my tumblr is on my profile page, if you all have any questions you needed answered etc. Thank you again so very much. I'm talking to each and every one of you reading this right now. It means the world to me. **

**All my love,**  
**E**


	21. Sequel Posted Announcement

A/N: THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER. Sorry for any false excitement or annoyance I have caused anyone with this "update".

I meant to do this a while ago, but it slipped my mind. I wanted to let everyone know (or at least those of you who don't know already) That I have posted and begun the sequel to this story. It is called "What Now?" And I am just about to post the 5th chapter. Sorry for not informing you all earlier, I don't know how I managed to forget to do this.

For those of you who are already reading, then Thank you! For those of you who aren't interested and are now annoyed with me for this pseudo-update then I apologize!

Happy New year all!

-E


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